Original subtitles

♪ Tuca and Bertie and Tuca and Bertie and Bertie and Tuca ♪

♪ And Tuca and Bertie, Tuca and Bertie ♪

♪ Tu-Tu-Tuca ♪

-♪ Tuca ♪ -♪ And Bertie. ♪

(vocalizing)

(siren wailing)

♪ ♪

(pained): Oh, Bertie, quick,

distract me from my pain.

Um, sometimes when I need to take my mind off something,

I look up videos of people riding motorcycles.

-Oh, yeah? -And then I comment

"Be careful!" on every single one.

Always cheers me up.

(groans)

Let's see. How else to comfort you?

(whispering): Shh. You're getting sleepy.

Just relax.

Why are you whispering?!

Because whispers are comforting and everybody loves them.

Whispers are annoying as shit.

I'm useless!

No, don't take her to the hospital.

There's no one who can help her there.

Take her...

to The Mole.

Ah, The Mole?

You got it.

(tires screeching)

Mole? What mole?! Excuse me!

It's okay, Bertie. Kara was a shitty girlfriend,

but she's a good nurse.

-She knows what she's doing. -Fine!

(whispers): But I don't like her.

Maybe whispering is kinda comforting.

(groans)

Hey, don't worry.

Tuca will be okay. She's a strong bird.

I wish it was easier to keep up with this ambulance.

I'm gonna lose them!

I have an idea.

(mimicking siren)

(chuckles): Oh, Speckle,

you're so good at impressions.

(whooping)

(whirring)

(tuts) Ooh.

The doctor should be in here any moment.

Aye, aye! It's me, Dr. Mole!

Huh?

Down here!

Careful, don't step on me.

-Hey, squirt. -Kara, you old ice bitch, it's good to see you.

Thanks for making me come in on a freakin' Sunday.

You love an emergency.

It makes you feel so important.

Ha-ha! I sure am.

Did you two work together or something?

I used to work at Bird Town Hospital

before they removed me for benign reasons.

A thousand saved lives,

-but one tuna melt in a microwave and you're toast. -(ding)

(weakly): Help.

He's a monster.

But he gets results.

Okay, let's see. Yep.

You'll need surgery for sure. No time to waste.

This baby's gonna rupture if we don't operate.

Super serious.

Oh, no!

Well, luckily, you came to me.

I've seen this a hundred times before.

And, hey, great timing-- I can squeeze you in right now.

Or you can squeeze me in...

-to your body. -What?!

He likes to really get up in there.

I go all the way inside your body

and I find the issue face-to-face.

I'm the only surgeon in Bird Town who's also a suppository.

How do you get inside of me?

Well, there's the easy way

or the hard way.

And don't ask me to go into your mouth.

It's not safe.

I'm too delicious.

-Chomp, chomp. -I don't know about this.

Well, that growth is gonna get worse until I take care of it.

It's a simple procedure. I've done it a thousand times.

I just go in and I snip it.

In and out in 20, 15 minutes.

I do beautiful surgeries.

You can all watch me.

Yeah, all of you!

Stay in here and watch.

I love to show off my work.

If you get bored, you can play checkers.

Chess, if you're smart.

Kara, you'll follow me in with the scope, yeah?

For old times' sake?

I love how she does the scope.

He says that about all the nurses.

All of you, put on some scrubs.

I don't want you getting your nice clothes dirty.

Here, let me snap my fingers and, voilà,

your outfits will be transformed.

Ta-da!

Just kidding. I'm not magical.

There are some scrubs in that cabinet.

So, this is happening?

Should I be concerned?

Is this gonna mess up my fertility at all?

Nah, don't worry about that.

Okay, let's go! Chop-chop!

Time to knock you out!

It's showtime!

(groans)

(yawns)

♪ ♪

This'll be a piece of cake.

I'll be in and out in a jiffy.

I'll even bring this rope,

just in case I lose my way.

But I've never needed it, right, Kara?

That's right. It's just a safety measure.

All of this is super safe.

All right,

I'm climbing up the vagina-ina-ina.

(over radio): Just kidding. There's no echo.

It's not that big.

You're approaching the cervix.

I'm squeezing in now.

None of you get jealous! (laughs)

Wow. Yep.

It's really inflamed in here.

You see that, Kara?

Yeah. Watch out for those walls.

What's happening?!

It's all swollen, so he needs to avoid that tissue.

But he's used to this. Don't worry.

Oh, my God.

Look.

Do you see it?

See what?

The waterfall.

It's the most beautiful thing.

What's he talking about?

Doctor, you're in the base of the uterus.

There's no waterfall.

-I have to go towards it. -No!

-Don't touch that! -(yells)

-What is that?! -Uh...

(screams)

I lost him!

Tug on the string. Tug on the string!

(grunting)

BERTIE: Gravel chips?

Oh, I told her not to eat the bags.

But she always said all the best flavors are in there.

What now?

You have to do something!

Hello?!

Dr. Mole?!

Can you hear me?!

Somebody has to go in after him!

But who? Nobody else is that small.

-(ding) -I have an idea.

-(beep) -(phone rings)

Hi. Mom? I just wanted to get your thoughts

on the fact that Speckle and I aren't married.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, fun comparison.

What do you think about how I'm not as successful

as your friends' kids? Mm-hmm.

Wow, they're all making six figures?

And, meanwhile, I invest all my time and energy in my job,

and it could go away at any moment.

Ha-ha! I have no control!

I'm lost!

And I talk about you a lot in therapy!

Which I pay for out-of-pocket.

Okay! Thanks, Mom! Love you!

Sweetie, are you sure about this?

Not at all! But, look,

Tuca's growth is going to rupture.

The doctor is lost.

Someone needs to go in after him.

Someone who understands Tuca.

It needs to be me.

Well, it's highly illegal for you to enter this body,

and in no way would I, as a registered nurse,

think that is a permissible action.

Oh, boy. Here we go.

So, I'm gonna go get a snack now

because I'm hungry.

When I'm gone,

you should not monitor this machine.

And you're definitely not going to need anyone

to help guide you on this.

Or work this camera.

Which is very easy to use.

Okay?

Thank you.

I believe in you, Georgette.

It's Bertie!

(groans)

(grunting)

(grunting)

SPECKLE: So, keep going towards the cervix.

And then you're gonna squeeze through that hole

into the uterus.

Nice grasp of female anatomy, Speck.

I got a map.

(grunting)

(strained): Oh, that's tight.

Okay, I'm through. I'm...

So, do you see any signs of Dr. Mole?

Bertie? Uh, Bertie?

Waterfall?

Bertie!

♪ ♪

-(neighing) -Damn, this is cool.

So many horses.

I'm more into whales, personally, but still.

What's up, Bertie-ertie?

(screams) Tucahorse?

What are you?! Wh-What is all of this?

If I were a doctor, I'd say this was a classic case

of inflammation hallucination.

But I'm not. So, welcome to Horseville!

Hop on! I'll take you to a place

where Tuca puts everything that matters to her.

Okay.

And to make it more fun,

I'll make up a song to sing on the way.

-(grunts) -(horse neighs)

-♪ I'm a horse, horse, horse ♪ -(exclaiming)

♪ I'm a bird, bird, bird ♪

♪ I'm a horsey birdy bird ♪

-♪ I'm a horsey birdy horse ♪ -Wuh-oh! Whoa!

-♪ I'm a bird ♪ -Whoa! -(phone ringing)

I get service here?

It's pronounced "cervix."

♪ Birdy horse, I'm a horse ♪

-♪ Bird, bird, horse bird ♪ -Hello?

-Hey, Bertie. -(quietly): Shut up, Tucahorse.

(quietly): ♪ Horsey bird. ♪

I'm about to walk into an earnings update

with the investors.

Uh-huh.

Very dry stuff.

Lots of numbers and unsexy terms

-like "brand stickability." -(humming) -Ew.

I want a new snack idea up my sleeve to wow them with.

Something big. What do you got?

Well, I'm kind of in the middle of something right now.

You see, actually, I'm in my...

Yes, you are-- in the middle of this phone call,

in which I'm asking you to do your job.

-Well... -(humming)

Have we done winter pasta salads yet?

Oh, my-- Another salad idea? For real?

What do I pay you for, to come up with a good idea once

and then just keep milking it?

Milk! Milk and cookies!

Milk and cookies. Okay.

I'll tell the investors we just invented

the concept of milk and cookies.

Sounds good, Bertie.

Ugh! I'm never good enough.

We're here! Look! You're missing it!

(swing jazz playing)

(buzzing)

-(quacking) -(screaming)

What is this place?

This is Tuca's will to live!

Mm-hmm.

-(quacking) -(buzzing)

-Ah, her family! -(loud squawking)

Her extremely squawky family.

(giggling)

Who are you?

(moaning)

I'm Tuca's orgasms.

(moaning loudly)

Eek!

-(giggling) -Yep, this place is full

of all the reasons Tuca wants to stay alive and thrive.

(neighing laugh)

Tuca loves horses.

Wait. What is...?

Is that, um...?

♪ ♪

Wow.

So, this makes me very uncomfortable.

-Let's go inside! -Whoa, Tucahorsey!

(gasps) Bertie just walked into Tuca's bladder.

Bertie! Oh, my God, can you hear me?!

You're in urine!

(knocking)

(whispers): Who is that?

(whispering): Ignore it.

WOMAN: Hello?

I'm the medical facility inspector,

here to make sure everything is up to code.

Ignore it harder.

I'll have to shut this building down if you don't answer.

(quietly): We can't let that happen.

Poor Dr. Mole.

(ding)

(high-pitched): Come in!

Oh, hello!

I'm Dr. Mole.

I do the best surgeries.

I love to get in there and slosh around.

Hmm.

Hello, Dr. Mole.

Nurse, the O.R. looks as spotless as ever.

Yep. No blood sprayed anywhere on any of the walls.

Yes, I know. That's always been your policy.

Well, I suppose I'd best be on my...

-(sneezes) -Hmm?

And I'm...

his patient.

You're here for a procedure?

Yes. Yes! He's...

...getting head surgery.

-Right? -Oh!

May I stick around and observe?

-No. -Of course.

(Speckle and puppet gulp)

Hi.

Hey, look. I'm a whale girl.

Welcome to the Bertie Museum. Let me show you around.

In this first room, we have all the important figures

from Bertie's life.

Uh-huh.

"Sprinkle"?

BERTIEWHALE: And now for a very special treat.

We just had this installed yesterday.

It's a peek into what Bertie does when Tuca's not around.

I wonder what Tuca thinks I do all day.

Harsh, Tuca, but very accurate.

Now, here's a permanent exhibit,

a celebration of your friendship with Tuca.

(vocalizing)

Oh, look how cute we are.

-BERTIEWHALE: Barnacles. -Oh!

Aw. Oh!

Tuca and I always said

we'd live on a ranch together when we're old.

Speckle can stay in the shed out back with the other men.

(chuckles): Hey, it's all the stuffed animals

-I won for Tuca at the carnival. -(squeaks)

She really thinks I'm some kind of hero.

You are. You're here, after all.

You crawled right up her coochie.

I forgot that's why I was here.

I-I got to be the Bertie that Tuca thinks I am!

-I need to help her. -(grunts)

(screams) Wait.

Help! (screams)

MEDICAL INSPECTOR: Mmm. Mm-hmm.

Okay. Time to do another surgery,

like I do all the time.

(Figgy gasps, whimpers)

Hold still, Barky Boy.

Barky Boy?

Hello, Barky Boy.

(imitates siren)

(chuckles): Oh, Speckle,

you're so good at impressions.

(laughing maniacally)

-What... are you? -(rapid heartbeat)

(grunting, panting)

Uh, what do you think?

Good. Yes, good.

This is the best haircut I've had in years.

Nice work, Dr. Mole.

Very clean. Well, see you next year.

Uh, if you need any surgeries done,

just holler at your boy, The Mole.

(chuckles)

Y-You know, I actually have a growth

on my back that I've been meaning to get removed.

-Huh? -(chuckles nervously)

Uh...

(grunting)

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

Tuca, I'm scared.

How do I get out of here?

Wha...

(humming)

Tuca?

Tuca's my daughter.

Oh, my gosh. It's so nice to meet you.

I have so many questions.

And I have a question for you, too.

Which color do you want?

Red. No, yellow.

No, green.

Alternating yellow and green? Shit.

Glittery? Should I go sparkly?

Actually, could you do a flower?

Cheetah print? No, red is fine.

(Truly humming)

Wait, so, I think I understand.

I needed to go deep into Tuca's subconscious

and finally have her reach closure with you,

her mother, in order for her to get better.

-Yes? -No.

You need to find the growth

and cut it out before it ruptures.

Really? Because that's so literal,

-and this is so interesting. -But you're getting distracted.

I'm not real. I'm not really here.

Oh. Ooh, pretty!

Here, you can use these.

-(giggling) -(gasps) -Oh, I'm sorry about that,

but I needed to bring my daughter to work.

Oh. (laughs)

Oh, no. (laughing)

Tuca? (blowing)

(panting, blowing)

Tuca! Lead me to the growth.

Yeah, sh-show me where it hurts.

(groans in pain)

-(phone rings) -Huh?

Winter, I can't think about work right now.

I'm literally inside my friend, trying to help her.

My job doesn't matter. This is what's important.

Okay, I'm glad you found moral clarity or whatever,

but I'm just calling to tell you

the investors loved your milk and cookies idea.

What? Oh, they did? That-That's so cool.

I care so much about my job.

Yeah, milk and cookies.

It's a classic. It's dependable.

Usually, the best stuff is right there, Bertie.

You don't need to overthink it.

-(phone beeps) -Huh.

(panting)

(groaning)

Oh, Tuca. Your ovary.

-Hey, hey! -Dr. Mole!

-What happened? -I made it all the way here.

I found this growth, and I was about to excise it,

but then I saw the way it's all coiled up in there.

Very tricky, and I realized there was

a 50-50 chance it would impact Tuca's ability to have children.

What?

And so I sat here thinking,

and the longer I was here, the more confused I felt.

I've been here for decades, it feels like.

Time passes strangely when you're inside.

And this is such a beautiful specimen,

full of contradictions.

I've reached an equilibrium in here.

I've spent my whole life climbing

from one body into another.

I'm ready to relax and enjoy this.

Also, I taught myself to play the flute.

(plays melody)

♪ What is life? ♪

♪ Where does it begin and end? ♪

Tuca, what should we do? Tuca?

(grunting)

Wait, Tuca, come down.

Please!

Damn it. Scared of heights, scared of heights.

Don't look down or up. Just climb, Bertie.

(grunts) I'm definitely gonna mess up these nails.

(grunting)

(cries out, sighs)

-Tuca. -What if I can't have children, Bertie?

But what if you die?

(sighs heavily)

Tuca, you might not have kids. That's true.

But I might not have Tuca!

(crying): I'm sorry. I know that's selfish.

It's up to you.

I'm here for you, no matter what.

MOLE: That's it.

Careful. Easy does it.

(groans) It's hard to watch amateurs work.

I could never teach.

(Tuca grunts softly)

Ew, sticky.

Wow. We did it.

Man, this feels amazing. (chuckles)

I feel a million feet tall.

Hey, hey, you're "unshrinkening."

You better get out before you grow back to your regular size.

This body can't contain you.

You think I don't know that?!

You think I don't know that my body can't fit

inside my best friend's body?

I know that!

So, which way is the, uh, exit?

That way. Run!

Don't worry about me.

I've been on the inside too long.

I wouldn't know what to do with myself out there.

Okay.

(panting heavily)

SPECKLE: I just don't know what to do with my life, you know?

I became an architect because I wanted to help people,

but I didn't really help anyone who needs it.

I just... I don't know what's next.

Look, you're clearly some kind of mastermind--

a-a shape-shifter, a man of many faces.

Hmm. I do wear a lot of different hats.

I promise not to spill any of your secrets.

Just, please don't hurt me or the people I care about.

Ha! You're funny.

I don't know what your plan is,

but I'll go along with whatever you want.

-You can trust me. -Wow.

So you're saying we're friends, and you've got my back?

I'm your bro? You're my boy?

Sure. Sure. Whatever you say.

Ah, yeah! High-five.

(Tuca groaning)

Huh? (groans)

-Where's Bertie? Wait. -What's that?

(Figgy gasping)

-(screaming) -(monitor chirps)

She's crowning. She's crowning!

Push. Tuca, push!

(grunting)

What the fuck kind of surgery is this?

(all screaming)

Bertie, I'm so glad you're okay.

Look, I got the growth out. Ta-da!

Speckle, I saw so many strange and wonderful things in there.

It was all like a dream.

Or was it?

Beebee. Give me Berby.

I think she wants to hold her.

Oh, um, okay.

Mmm. Berby.

Aw.

Oh, man, Tuca. I am so glad to see you.

I've been focusing so much on my career lately,

but going through this with you makes me realize

what matters most is our connections to each other.

(baby voice): Aw, what's the matter?

Baby hungry?

Tuca, I'm trying to express an epiphany

about our friendship here.

Baby Berby wants some milk?

Yes. Baby Berby wants some milk.

(chuckles): Oh, Tuca.

(all laughing)

I knew there was no way you'd be chill about this.

Bertie, I'm going to remind you about the fact

that I gave birth to you

every day of the rest of our lives.

I'm gonna call you Birthy.

Can you just let me grow back to my regular size?

-Please? -No way. You're so cute.

And leaning on this stroller feels good

while I'm recovering from my surgery.

Thank you for saving my life, Bertie.

I love you. Mwah.

Aw. I love you, too.

Nope, I'm gonna keep nagging you to keep you small.

You look like a tree stump or a mini fridge.

Or a Molting Day fruitcake

or a shaved hedgehog.

-(groans) -A micro pig, a toasted shrimp.

You look like an ottoman, Bertie.

Yes, an ottoman.

(fading): An old ottoman...

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(Latin jazz playing)

-(quacking) -(screaming)

♪ ♪

(dogs barking)