Original subtitles

(whimsical music playing)

Bah! Everyone knows crystals and plant signs are baloney,

and the people who believe in them are empty-headed fools.

-(rustling) -Wow.

This hang is going great.

I've always been flattered by my plant sign.

"Palm Frond."

Just like me, they're breezy and go with the flow.

(shouts)

How about you, Speckle?

Do you want to get your birth chart or tarot done?

Draca is doing ours

and it's really fun and she's hanging out with us,

she's our actual friend.

Sorry, I'll be cool.

Like a palm frond.

Hmm. I'm with Tuca on this one.

I know who I am. I'm Speckle.

-S, for supportive, P, for... -I'm Tuca.

T, for tell someone else about it.

U, for you need to shut up.

C, for can it.

A, for ass.

-Oh, well. -Fine. Do me.

But only because I like doing the opposite of Speckle.

Okay, my date of birth,

the temperature the day I was born,

my mom's favorite song that year...

There you go.

This is so stupid.

It always says my sign is a "Rose Thorn."

Not a Rose Thorn.

Ooh, Tuca.

You're a "Lily Pad"

Oh.

"Lily Pads are impatient,

with short attentions spans and..."

Ugh, I can't read the rest of this.

"Lily Pads are impulsive, the life of the party,

but might feel intense loneliness at times."

Hmm, yeah. Beneath my clever quips,

I do contain depths deeper than you ever could imagine.

See? This bullshit is fun!

♪ Tuca and Bertie and Tuca and Bertie and Bertie and Tuca ♪

♪ And Tuca and Bertie, Tuca and Bertie ♪

♪ Tu-Tu-Tuca ♪

-♪ Tuca ♪ -♪ And Bertie. ♪

(vocalizing)

(rooster crowing)

♪ Deebee, deebee, wow ♪

♪ Mr. Good Guy, he's so good ♪

♪ Doing all the things that a good guy should ♪

♪ Mr. Good Guy ♪

♪ Oh, my, what a good guy ♪

♪ Mr. Good Good Guy-uy-uy-uy ♪

♪ Mr. Good Guy ♪

♪ He's so sweet ♪

♪ Mr. Good Guy ♪

♪ Very neat ♪

♪ Mr. Good Guy, oh, my ♪

-♪ What a good guy ♪ -(sighs)

Don't talk to me till Speckle's brought me my coffee.

(laugh) That's so funny.

Yes, I know.

This design for your affordable housing unit is luscious.

So editorial. Magazine cover worthy. Oh!

Thank you. I'm so glad the people displaced

by last year's flood don't have to live in an ugly box.

We're finally making something beautiful

that isn't just for insecure rich dicks

who need to overcompensate for their teeny tiny beaks.

My ideas are so nice.

FRANCINE: We still need approval

from the Neighborhood Council Board.

It's tough getting a sit-down,

but if anyone can catch up to them, it's you, Speckle.

Great.

(grunting)

Oh. (chuckling)

Is this the neighborhood council?

We're going around in circles in the slowest way possible.

Of course we're the neighborhood council.

Right. I heard there was a problem

with my proposed affordable housing unit?

Ah, what a beautiful design.

We noticed you've planned to include a communal park,

-open to the public? -(retches)

We're not comfortable with it being

so open and inviting to, you know...

Poor people. (chuckles)

They take things.

Every night they go out and take things.

Well, what if... (gagging)

Don't tell these people what you really think

or this whole plan will fall apart.

Ding-dong.

Ugh.

Drink buggy!

(horn honking)

COUNCIL MEMBERS: Drink buggy!

We'll consider your plan if you include fencing,

security, and make sure all the doorbells are also cameras.

And add a mural celebrating how nice we are.

Hmm, I guess the park would still be open

for the tenants and they'd still get affordable housing.

(cheering)

(gulping)

(groans, gulps) Cheers.

♪ ♪

Come on, buddy, sober up.

Got to draw a straight line

(shouts)

Great job convincing the council, Speckle.

Who cares about a little fencing?

We're making a real work of art.

Guaranteed magazine cover.

Yeah. Small compromise. Totally worth it.

Hmm, it could be in Birdchitecture Illustrated

or Building Boy Monthly.

♪ ♪

(humming)

(sighs)

CLIFF: Hey, cool sneakers.

Don't recognize them.

You work on this floor?

Sorry, I thought this floor was empty.

CLIFF: (chuckling) Oh, yeah.

This is your secret pooping space.

You're shit-shy. Don't worry, I've heard it all.

(chuckling): No, I, um...

usually hold it in around others at work,

as a, uh... sign of respect?

CLIFF: My man, this is our space. Let it all out.

(laughs) I... uh... Okay.

(sizzling)

TUCA: According to this astrology app,

Lily Pads thrive in relationships.

I got to get into a relationship, Bertie.

You just got out of a big one with Figgy,

and that was right after Kara.

Exactly, I thrive in monogamous pairings,

one after the other, with no time to reflect.

Do you ever see a lily pad reflecting?

No.

They're too busy being hats for frogs.

Luckily, this dating app lists everyone's plant sign.

You're taking this plant sign stuff really seriously.

Like a total Lily Pad.

Get out of here, Fern Fiddleheads.

Scram, Orchid Bulbs.

Here we go. This one's a Pinecone.

Pinecones are the best matches for Lily Pads.

Is that a stuffed animal?

It'll be stuffed when I'm done with it. (chuckles)

♪ ♪

(munching)

I was too tired to cook dinner, so I finished all the take-out.

Sorry.

It's okay. I'll just throw something together.

(bell dings)

When life gives you eggs and strawberries, you make...

♪ Strawbeggy omelette ♪

♪ Ba-ba-ba! ♪ (laughs)

Mmm.

Ugh...

Ugh, you won't believe the day I had.

Jamie was being so annoying.

He kept asking me stuff and it's like, "Hello? I'm busy?

"Winter wants these new taco salad desserts

"ready by next week,

"and I can't get the green frosting guacamole

"to not look like baby diarrhea,

so could you just back off before I murder you, Jamie?"

Actually, he's a really nice guy.

It's not his fault he gets on my nerves.

So, Speckle, how was your day?

Oh, I met with the local neighborhood council

to discuss approval on the...

Actually, can we stop talking about work?

I had a really stressful day.

Of course. (chuckling)

(sighs)

Ugh!

♪ ♪

Eh?

Wow! Oh, Speckle, seriously,

do not talk to me till you've brought me my coffee.

(both laughing)

I'm consistently funny.

By the way, Speckle, we're having trouble

getting the state subsidies needed to build your project.

You know how those government positions work, Speckle.

They're programmed to say no, but I know

you can charm them, Speckle.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

-(clangs) -Hello?

Am I in the right place?

Oh!

It is I, Zargoz,

head of the State Treasury Department.

Right. I heard there were issues with funding my building?

Affirmative. Due to budget cuts,

the state requires a change in design.

Where are the windows?

Zargoz has no need for windows. Zargoz sees all.

Okay. Uh... what if we keep our original design?

Can we still get the city to subsidize

a quarter of the costs?

Authorized. On one condition.

The bottom floor shall be an overpriced retail box store

with millennial branding.

But that's an entire floor of affordable units. But...

-TINY SPECKLE: Stop talking. -Huh?

This deal is better than nothing. Shut up.

(ricocheting)

But it's-it's fine. (laughs)

Hurrah!

(whirring softly)

(door closes)

(zipper opening)

CLIFF (laughing): Hey...

if it isn't my friend, Mr. Cool Shoes.

Shitting hard or hardly shitting?

-(laughing) -How's your day going, buddy?

Uh, good. Yes? Very good?

CLIFF: Hey, maybe it's 'cause we're in a bathroom and all,

but my BS radar is going off the charts.

Actually, work kind of sucks right now.

But you don't want to hear all this.

CLIFF: My man, I'm here for you, 3:00 p.m.

every day, same schedule, totally shit-synced.

Whatever you're holding in, go ahead and release.

Okay, okay.

(whistling)

Speckle, can you get my tea?

I'm up to my beak in this pico de gallo.

Of course.

My sweetie needs sweet tea.

Hey, everyone. Meet my new fiancée.

Hello.

(laughing)

-Mazel tov. -Fiancée?

Yep, we're engaged. We could elope at any minute.

That's a threat.

If you remove my ribbon, my head falls off.

(laughs maniacally)

(shudders)

Well, uh, while you're both here,

maybe you can give me feedback on this recipe for work?

Ba-boom!

Nope. I'm not eating anything green or gravelly,

according to this guide.

It's not good for my plant sign.

Now I only eat orange foods.

I feel so much better already.

Maybe that's just because you stopped eating gravel.

Here, just try the beans.

They're made from little boba tapioca balls flavored with...

(grunting loudly)

-Oh, wow. -Okay.

Pitoo, pitoo, pitoo, pitoo, pitoo.

Aw, Bertie, Bunny hates your fool's beans.

Every day I learn a new thing

about my girlfriend who I've known

-for a day. -Pitoo, pitoo, pitoo. -Ow.

-She's, uh, certainly u-unique. -Pitoo, pitoo, pitoo, pitoo...

We've been having so much sex.

-What? -(laughs)

I've never throbbed so much.

We've licked each other from head to hole.

I'm all chafed and raw. (laughs maniacally)

Oh, yeah. Ooh, yeah, Bunny.

Ugh.

We're gonna go upstairs now.

For more sex. Extremely chafe-y sex.

(Bunny exclaims)

BUNNY: Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah.

Damn, she hated my boba beans.

No way. They're delicious.

But speaking of new people in our lives,

-I made a friend at work. -Oh, yeah?

Yeah, he seems really cool.

Helped me deal with some stressful office stuff today

that was, like, totally...

You're thinking about the beans, aren't you?

Oh, yeah, sorry. I have to completely rework this recipe.

But I-I can listen to your story first.

Go on, Bean. I-I mean, Speckle.

You were talking about, I want to say... beans?

(chuckles) Nah. Let's focus on you.

How about I break out the worry vacuum while you get to work?

Aw, thanks, Speckle.

Whoosh. Whoosh.

-(laughing) -Okay, so... (crunching)

according to this, I'm going to need

my crystals fully charged tomorrow.

(exclaiming)

But this guide says I shouldn't use my crystals at all.

(crystal shattering)

-(grumbling) -Aw, oh, my cramps.

I just want to know what path to take.

I've been having such a tough time lately

and-and-and...

Come here.

(laughs)

♪ ♪

(panting)

Ah!

I needed that.

By the way, I saw your email

about the need for outside funding.

Yeah, I was thinking of reaching out to some philanthropic org...

Oh, don't worry, Speckle.

I already went through the trouble of setting up

a string of investor meetings.

Let's get some money!

Oh, great!

It won't just be a building.

It'll be your stamp on Bird Town history.

Hmm. I'm trying to decide between two different projects

aimed at the betterment of bird-kind.

Either I fund your project

and increase affordable housing in Bird Town...

or I build a submarine so I can go really deep underwater.

Uh...

Maybe while I'm down there,

I'll discover a new kind of fish so ugly,

I'll name it after my brother to get back at him

for sleeping with my wife.

Yep. I just talked myself into the ugly fish thing.

Goodbye.

(sped-up talking)

(sped-up talking)

(sped-up talking)

♪ ♪

No. No moss.

Ooh, someone's learning Spanish.

Just kidding. The moss is dead and, more importantly, broke.

(laughs)

I now represent a different moneyed individual.

Pleased to meet you. I'm...

-Bruce! -Let's talk money.

I'm rich now, so I can fund your, uh,

beautiful, shapely building.

Oh, but I have one stipulation.

Okay, go ahead and tell me that you want to turn

my building into the world's largest sex swing or something.

No, why would I want something I already have?

I just want to add one rule: Only hot people allowed.

What? That's absurd.

Wait, what's your criteria for a hot person?

Well, now that I'm rich, there's nothing hotter to me

than a high credit score.

Those dirty little numbers,

climbing, but don't take too many peeks

or else you'll make 'em filthy and low.

(laughs)

-I'm getting, I'm getting out. -Wait.

What if most of our tenants are these "hot people,"

but we still get just one floor

reserved for the people displaced by the flood?

Does that work?

One floor of nuggos with low credit scores?

Hmm. Kinky.

Deal.

(shrieks) Everyone's so happy now.

I love when money forces people to agree.

Hmm?

I can't believe we're actually accepting this offer.

It's just a start.

I'm sure you can talk Bruce up to two floors

of affordable housing.

I don't think we should...

I need that magazine cover, Speckle!

Not for me. For my mother.

She's dying. No, she's not. That's a lie.

But that's how bad I need this, Speckle.

Bad enough to lie about my living mother.

If we stick to your ideals, we get nothing.

It's like the saying goes,

"Don't talk to me till I've had my compromise."

♪ ♪

(sighing): My God.

Everything falls

on me, even though I'm already doing so much.

I wish someone would just help me for a change.

CLIFF: But don't you have an old lady to help take the burden

-off your back? -Oh, yeah, I do. Totally.

But she has a lot of anxiety.

It's like I'm the captain of a spaceship?

And I like steering the ship, it's awesome.

But I'm also white-knuckling it, trying to keep us

from getting stuck in a black hole.

I love it, but sometimes

it would be nice for someone else

to steer the ship for a change.

CLIFF: I know that feeling, my man.

Hey, want to get out of here?

Maybe hang out somewhere that isn't a toilet?

Oh. Yeah.

(toilets flushing)

What were you thinking?

(both whooping)

Yeah!

-(laughing) -Oh, I almost forgot.

I'm supposed to meet Bertie at that bar tonight.

CLIFF: Oh, yeah.

You want me to drop you off?

I can just unstrap you and you can tuck and roll.

-What? -(laughs) Just kidding, buddy.

I'll swoop.

-Hey, why don't you join us? -Oh, you betcha, my man.

Heck yeah. Let's keep this hang gliding.

Oh, my God!

Hey, Bertie.

Hope it's okay I invited Cliff. He's my new friend from work.

Nice to meet you, Cliff.

Hey, look at me, I'm a cliff-hanger.

Huh? Oh. (chuckles) 'Cause of my name.

How did you...? That's really clever.

Speckle,

you didn't tell me she was funny.

(all laughing)

Speckle, I got to go to the bathroom.

You got the check, right?

Oh, leaving my man to pick up the tab.

I guess feminism has its limits.

(laughs) Right, my boy?

(chuckles) Uh-huh.

We have a joint checking account.

Oh, relax. I'm just joking.

Well, sounds like you're a chauvinist.

Oh. Just joking.

Ugh, that's so unfair.

How could I hate women when I'm attracted to them, huh?

I guess what Speckle said about you is true.

You are a black hole.

-What? -Uh...

All you do is take, take, take. You're just like my mom!

(softly): No.

What was that? Wh-Why didn't you back me up?

Wh-What did you want me to do?

Punch him in the face like some kind of meathead?

Huh? Is that the kind of guy you want me to be?

Head of meat-ed?

No, but it's okay for you to push back a little.

Make someone uncomfortable.

Stand up for yourself. And for me.

Why do I always have to be the one

to step up for others, huh?

The only reason I even talked to that guy

is because he actually listened to me

while we did a poo together.

What?

I don't know. I can't explain it.

Do you think I'm a black hole?

No, no. I mean,

I said those words when-when describing you,

but that's not actually what I think of you.

You know, I think you're a... giant candy cane.

Yeah. Candy canes are sweet and fresh and pretty.

Just like you.

And then you lick all the stripes off

and you've got a sharp, white, candy knife.

Um...

Damn, bro, that was rough,

but it's a good thing you're dumping her ass.

I know a place where we can find chicks who don't talk back:

the Mannequin Warehouse.

Mostly female staff and they're very meek,

so they let you do whatever to the mannequins.

Get the hell away from me.

♪ ♪

Um... can you do my tarot

or align my chakras or something?

SPECKLE: The Good Guy, yeah.

That's, that's what I thought I was, but instead I'm a coward.

Can you help me be that guy again?

Nobody is one thing.

You're right. I can choose to be something else.

I can be this guy.

The Assertive Man.

No, not what I meant.

I got it. No need to say anything else.

Get out of my way, door.

(grunts, laughs)

I'm walking. I'm running.

No one understands me.

Maybe if I spoke more,

people would misinterpret my words less.

Or would there then be more to misinterpret?

Uh, anyway, how are you?

(growls)

I'm sorry, can we stop talking

about work, actually?

I had a really stressful day.

(growls)

It's odd.

Speckle was supposed to take us on a tour of the site.

He is never late.

(laughs maniacally)

You all want a tour?

I'll give you a tour!

(laughs)

Sorry, I'm late.

I slept in the car and then I climbed that beam.

Now, why even bother pretending that something affordable

can actually be built for people who need it most, huh?

Why not just jack up the price on these puppies

by 500%? Then we can put

an infinity pool in every unit

and have them drip-drip-dribble into each other.

Then, add slides so all the stupid rich assholes

who buy these things can slide from loft to loft

and all fuck each other!

Slow down, this sounds amazing.

We love this new direction.

Zargoz concurs.

Nice work, Speckle, you've done it again.

(laughs maniacally) Oh, you like that?

Well, here's another new development.

(grunting)

Zargoz demands to know, why is he squatting?

Ooh, I'm into this.

He's not... Oh, wow.

He is, he is!

(bell jingles)

Tuca orange. (laughs)

I know, the guide is totally working.

I'm glowing with health.

(gags)

I've never felt better. (gags)

Yes, can I have an orange carrot smoothie

with extra carrot? Ooh.

And a... and a whole carrot on the side?

Aah! Bunny's had enough woo-woo bullshit.

So annoying. It's not very sexy. (laughs)

-You think I'm annoying? -Uh-huh.

(to "Shave and a Haircut"): ♪ Doo-doo-doo-doot, you're dumped. ♪

(laughs)

♪ ♪

(laughs) I knew it.

(crunches) I was right.

Plant signs are total bullshit.

(laughs)

Everyone, the takeaway here is, I was right.

I, Tuca, am correct once again.

I'm not lost. I know exactly who I am.

Give me those gravel chips.

(moaning)

(munching)

Speckle, are you okay?

-Where have you been? -Never better.

I just took a shit in front of my boss.

-Like a cool guy. -What?

And guess what. This cool guy got fired!

(laughs)

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

I'm blowing up my whole life here.

Oh! I'm not Mr. Good Guy.

I'm sorry, Bertie. I'll go pack up my things.

You can keep the humidifier. I don't deserve humidity.

-Shut up. Come here. -But I...

Put your head on my lap.

Hey, look what I found.

It's the worry vacuum.

(whirring)

Wait, I like the one when it says "Whoosh."

-I like that one. -Good.

Whoosh.

-Is that better? -Mmm, yeah.

Whoosh.

Whoo-Whoosh.

♪ ♪

-(horn honks) -(laughs)

-Huh? -(wind whistling)

♪ ♪

(dogs barking)