Original subtitles

♪ ♪

♪ Baking, baking, baking, baking ♪

♪ Baking, baking, baking, baking ♪

♪ Break out the pans ♪

♪ Sift all the flour ♪

♪ Yeast week is here ♪

♪ This is the hour ♪

♪ Frost all those cakes ♪

♪ Get dough to rise ♪

♪ This is my chance ♪

♪ A kingdom of pies ♪

♪ Yeast Week is here again ♪

♪ Baking, baking, baking, baking ♪

♪ Baking, baking, baking, bake... ♪

♪ I'm back to bake another week ♪

♪ The floor is mine, my tool is yeast ♪

♪ And much like bread, now I shall rise ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm not one to compromise ♪

♪ I'm here again to do my best ♪

♪ Stressed to impress another chef ♪

♪ I don't care 'cause I don't bake ♪

♪ But of the treats, sure, I'll partake ♪

♪ We're ready to serve ♪

♪ The baked goods are hot ♪

♪ Come eat our wares ♪

♪ Bird Town's the spot ♪

♪ Yeast Week is here again ♪

♪ Yeast Week, tell all your friends ♪

♪ Baking, baking, baking, baking ♪

♪ Baking, baking, baking, baking. ♪

Well, I'm going back to sleep.

Wake me up when there's treats to eat.

♪ Tuca and Bertie and Tuca and Bertie and Bertie and Tuca ♪

♪ And Tuca and Bertie, Tuca and Bertie ♪

♪ Tu-Tu-Tuca ♪

-♪ Tuca ♪ -♪ And Bertie. ♪

(vocalizing)

All right, Bertie, are you ready to introduce

these WinterSalads to the world?

Oh, I'm ready.

-(beating rapidly) -Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

This is happening!

(muffled): Oh. My. God!

Do you think this needs...

Cake pop tomatoes? A lychee egg?

3,000 candied orange zest "carrots"?

Cake pop tomatoes.

You got it, boss.

-(phone chimes) -Ah, shit.

A study just found that jammy beans are the new cigarettes.

I'm on it. (grunting)

(grunts) Just say no to jammy beans.

(crowd clamoring)

Five minutes before the savage horde breaks through

and ransacks these aisles,

leaving nothing behind but wrappers and excrement.

(sighs)

(clears throat)

(groans)

Mm, mm. Mm!

Ah...

Ooh!

-(flatulence sound effect) -Ew.

BOTH: Ew!

People actually buy those, can you believe it?

They're animals.

People are (bleep) animals.

(groans) That Danish looks like it's sweating.

Leave it to Pete to bake a pastry in his own image:

sweaty and full of shit.

(scoffs) Am I right?

Boy, did he go basic with this one.

It's such a normie idea of "artisanal."

Yeah, well, you know, normies like my stuff, too.

(clamoring)

All right, Songthrush, let's do this.

The savage horde.

They're here for us.

-(duck quacking) -(humming)

Wow! What is happening?

Oh, Tuca! This sick duck is all healed up, and now she's wild.

How did things get so bad?

I must've spoiled it too much. I don't know.

I gave her everything she wanted,

including a brand-new sports car,

-(quacks) -which she stomped on

because it was the wrong color.

(cries)

Now she's unrideable!

Lawrie, how many times I told you,

if you have too much money, just give it to me.

Stop pouring it into these ducks.

I'm gonna have to sell her to a (bleep) duck rodeo.

-(whoops) -Wait.

♪ ♪

(quacks)

Don't sell her.

-I can tame her. -Tuca, no!

That's what everyone thinks about wild animals.

Just because they feel a special connection,

the beast will trust them and let itself be tamed.

(whoops)

Uh-huh. Yeah. A special connection.

Oh, thank you! Have a nice day!

People love these salads.

Yeah, I want to tweak a couple of things.

That candied tuna was a miss.

Sorry. I was really out to "sea" on that one.

But hey, the cheesecake eggs went over easy.

-(phone rings, beeps) -Hello?

Bertie Songthrush, I'm calling from Breadline

for a quote about Pastry Pete's Yeast Week comeback.

-What? -What are

your thoughts on him launching a new bakery

and starting a female mentorship program?

Ugh. The only thing grosser than Pastry Pete

are his sweaty-ass desserts.

Some people want to separate the art from the artist.

Well, I want to separate this chef from his kitchen.

I mean, his stuff is so basic.

Even Chef Winter says so.

Chef Winter Garcia said that?!

-Uh... -Wowza!

-(typing) -I got me a headline for Breadline,

and it's right before my deadline.

That was all off the record, right?

That was just me, popping off as, uh, your friend.

I'm a reporter, my only friends are

-The Truth and Getting Laid Off. -(phone beeps)

(groans)

Bertie, this is Mr. Birdily,

the owner of the biggest grocery chain in Bird Town.

And the second largest in Grocery Town.

I was just telling Winter,

I think these little salads will sell great at our stores.

Yeah, normies will love them.

Am I right, Winter? Eh?

Well, we would never refer to our customers that way.

-We call them "complexies." -Of course.

Uh...

-(quacking) -Stop.

Stop. I said stop!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

(gasps)

What's the problem?

I thought we had a connection.

-(quacks) -Whoa!

(grunts)

-(quacks) -(cries out)

-(groans, shrieks) -(quacks)

Need some help?

Speckle, what are you doing here?

Isn't your office all the way in the Nerd District?

Who let you into Coolsville?

I came to get a hot dog.

And the Coolsville keymaster owed me a favor.

(clicks tongue)

Take it sleazy, Speck-O.

Man, they're just letting anyone into Coolsville these days.

Someone ought to do something about that.

Someone like...

So, I saw you're having duck problems.

Oh, yeah. She won't listen to a word I say.

Maybe I can help.

I'm actually really good with ducks

because I had a ton of duck brothers in college.

I was in an all-duck fraternity, Delta Delta Goose.

DDG! Theta Chapter, what?!

The brothers tapped me because I was really good at waddling.

I say, DD what?

DDG! Theta Chapter represent.

Whose feathers are fine as hell?

Our feathers, our feathers, well!

Delta Delta Goose is here to say,

yo, we be looking this good every day.

And we're the only frat that gets all A's.

Speckle, this is hard for me to say,

but this is the first time

that I'm proud to call you my friend's

current boyfriend.

-Bertie! -Uh...

Did you give a quote for this Breadline article?

-It's really... -I'm sorry.

That quote was taken out of context,

and the context is...

I'm an idiot!

Don't listen to anything I say!

Oh, I was gonna say that it's funny.

You roasted Pastry Pete at the perfect temperature

-for the right amount of time. -Funny?

Well, I'm also really sorry for saying "normies"

in front of Mr. Birdily.

Well, Mr. Birdily is easily wounded by that word.

(whispers): He's a fifth-generation normie.

Try not to do it again,

or do-- I don't care-- but just not in front of him.

Yeah. I-I got that.

That's what I like about you. Quick study.

Now, why don't you take the rest of the day off.

Go enjoy the Yeast Week festivities.

Yes, Chef.

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ I'm a working girl ♪

-(sighs) -♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ I'm a working girl ♪

(applause)

♪ Wake up in the morning ♪

♪ It's so real. ♪

Nope. Too far.

Huh.

(gasps)

Quack, quack?

♪ ♪

(cries out)

Yep, I reckon this is a mighty tough gal, all right.

Speckle, I got it!

The duck is afraid.

When I'm afraid, I kick stuff, too.

-Boo...! -(screams)

(grunts)

Ah! So pricey.

-(grunts) -(doors chime)

Hey, Tuca. Are you ready to go to the movies?

-(screams) -Eek!

(objects clatter)

She lacks confidence, Speckle.

We need to boost her bravado

until she has the audacity of a healthy duck.

But how?

♪ ♪

Tuca, step on me.

I'd love to,

but let's focus on this duck for one minute.

No, no, Tuca. Ducks are hierarchical.

They maintain a pecking order with dominance and aggression.

It may look cruel from the outside,

because it is.

It's absolutely brutal.

(quacking)

Oh!

So, Ducky is the dork of her crew.

Yes, we need to show Ducky

she's not the lowest-ranking duck here.

I can to it, Tuca. I can be bottom duck.

Step on me and show Ducky who's not boss.

-Okay. -Yeah.

(grunting): Yeah. Yeah.

Treat me like a doormat.

This is fun.

Your body has such a great stomp feel.

-(grunts) -(groans)

Thank... you.

Come on. Give it a try.

(quacks)

(grunting): Ah! Awesome!

Yes!

-That's right. More. -(Speckle groaning)

We're doing it, Speckle.

(groans) It's all good.

♪ ♪

(rattling)

I asked myself, "Pete, should you also have a woman mentor

"in your women's mentorship program

to mentor women?"

It took several days of soul-searching,

and the answer was no.

But then, for optics reasons,

I was forced to make it a yes.

Ah. Well, I'm honored.

Splendid. So we have a deal?

You sugar my cookies, Pete,

and I'll dust yours with cinnamon.

I'll be at the launch with you tomorrow,

and I'll look fabulous as always.

-I love it when a woman puts in effort. -(chuckles)

You are such a bad penguin.

(chuckle): I know, I'm the worst.

I heard Bertie Songthrush is in your kitchen.

Word of advice?

These younger wannabe chefs,

the minute they're unhappy, they run to social media

and try to destroy everything you've built.

Watch out for that Bertie.

Thanks for the tip.

♪ ♪

♪ Tuca and Speckle and Ducky Day ♪

(sips) Oh, it's too hot.

Whoa.

Look at all of this submission and obedience.

-(quacking) -Woo-hoo!

(sobs quietly)

So majestic.

Ducky, jump through that hoop.

-Go up that ramp. -(quacking)

Ducky, do your taxes.

Whoa!

Oh, so good!

(applause)

Welcome to the grand opening

of my newest and largest patisserie.

At first, the engineers said I had to build the building

out of building, but I thought, why not do something iconic?

I present to you Bird Town's first building

to be made entirely out of bread!

(cheering)

♪ ♪

(siren wailing)

H-Help!

(crying): I'm a sandwich.

Oh, man, that was super hilarious.

Really fun to watch it all go down.

Well, I'll tell you what your problem is.

This building got eaten by a duck.

Eaten by a duck. I swear to God.

Who is responsible for this?

Oh, (bleep) me! What happened?

This store was going to be the headquarters

of my new female mentorship program.

This mallard is a menace.

It must be sent to the pillow factory at once.

Do it...

uh, for women!

No. You can't take Ducky.

Duckina is innocent.

Ah, wait. Duckaren? Ah.

I haven't settled on a name yet.

Maybe Pasty Pete's right, Tuca-toots.

She's out of control!

Yes, the only restitution is

if my pillows personally come from that duck's carcass.

I demand to sleep on death!

Come here. (grunts)

You'll never take her.

Speckle, we're starting a protest.

(gasps) Are we?

'Cause I was hoping to head home.

Tie us to the duck, Speckle.

That rope looks real itchy.

Speckle, the hierarchy is me, the duck,

the itchy rope and then you.

-You got to do what I say. -Mm-hmm.

Okay. All right, okay. Mm...

WINTER: Good morning.

I hope you're ready for our long Tour de Fronds today.

(chuckles softly)

Fronds as in leaves.

Leaves as in salad, salad as in WinterSalads.

What's the matter, Bertie?

Normally you love corny wordplay.

I'm pandering to your tastes,

and you're leaving me high and dry.

I... heard you're working with Pastry Pete

on that mentorship program.

It's just so...

disappointing.

Ah, your first disappointment.

-Cherish it. -We need to talk about this.

Fine, but let's talk on the go.

We've got a packed schedule, and we're running late

to Birdily Wirdily.

Such a stupid name for a grocery store.

♪ Birdly Wirdly! ♪

ANNOUNCER: "A great name for a grocery store."

Why Pastry Pete?

Was the world's largest pile of trash not available?

This was a business decision, Bertie.

It's not personal.

Business is personal.

We're people, and it's very personal to me.

Here you go. Enjoy a sample.

Thank you for trying WinterSalads.

I look up to you, Winter.

I mean, y-you're my idol.

That's not my problem.

You've projected all of these expectations onto me

just because I'm further along in my career than you,

but I'm just some lady.

I didn't ask to be fawned over.

Oh, my God! Are you Winter Garcia?

Will you sign my cake?

I-I'm such a big fawn!

(laughs) Yes, that's me.

I just think you should reconsider.

See, your problem is you see the world in black and white.

People are either good or bad.

They're either your perfect idol, up on a pedestal,

or they're completely evil,

and they don't deserve to live anymore.

-(beating rapidly) -She has a point!

You have a very binary worldview!

(screams)

In your mind, everyone who ever grabs your feathers at work

is a dangerous pervert who should go to jail forever.

Why would anyone need to grab my feathers at work?

Hmm.

-(beating steadily) -Hmm.

And don't go posting everything I say

in some angry rant on Birdster about how toxic I am.

What? I would never!

Also, no one uses Birdster anymore.

Yeah, actually, the cool new app is ClipClop,

which was originally made so that horses at horse college

could judge other horses.

Now it's popular with all species,

and the government uses it

to track and control our elections.

Ha.

Sorry. I'll just stick to saying almost nothing

for days at a time.

Do you think I'd have gotten this far in my career

if I'd cried every time I felt a pair of

saggy bird balls on my shoulder?

Because Boris Sourdough thought it would be funny

to haze the only woman in his kitchen?

I, uh... Wow. Are you okay?

I'm not a victim, Bertie.

I've had to put up with a hundred Pastry Petes.

Uh, but Pete's just using you to legitimize himself.

And by working with him, you're reinforcing that he's powerful.

Partnering with him is going to expand my platform

and help boost WinterSnacks to the next level.

What part of that doesn't jive

with your female empowerment crusade?

-(beating rapidly) -Oh...

Say you're sorry, Bertie.

I don't want to fight. Apologize!

You're going to lose your dream job, Bertie!

(sighs)

You've dealt with a hundred Pastry Petes

and none of them got to you?

You came out of that gauntlet of dicks

with no lasting damage whatsoever?

I'm a chef.

Burns and scars are part of the job.

So, we both agree this is toxic bullshit,

but you believe every young chef should be forced to endure it,

and toughen up, because that's easier than changing

a messed-up system, right?

That's right. I am tough.

Your generation is so soft and helpless,

no resiliency whatsoever.

You all just want a mommy to wipe your ass for you.

Now, can you open up my phone and block yourself

on social media?

Because I don't know how to do that.

-(grunts) -(phone keys beeping)

There.

Now, now, Tuca. Just let the duck go.

Sometimes when you can't get your ducks in order,

that's on the duck.

So, you just gonna give up

on every worker who eats a building, huh?

Huh, Lawrie?

This duck has value.

This duck has talent,

and I'm going to show you.

I say, DD what?

DDG! Theta Chapter represent!

TUCA: I say, DD who?

SPECKLE: DDG! You know who!

Whose feet are webbed as hell?

TUCA and SPECKLE: This ducky, this ducky, well!

(quacking)

-(chuckles) -What did I tell you, Lawrie?

Oh, Tuca, you did it!

You've trained my wildest duck.

Oh, man. This duck is gonna make me so much money!

And then I'm gonna spend that money

on even wilder and sicker ducks!

It's a bad idea for me to have money, Tuca!

(laughing)

Oh, boy!

(Bertie grunting)

Ah...

I needed these.

I think I'm done here, Jamie.

I thought this was my dream job for my dream boss,

but I was just being naive.

You know, I can tell the general shape of people,

and you're not shaped like a quitter.

Aw, Jamie.

You're shaped like a mini fridge.

Um...

And mini fridges don't quit,

but they do break down.

And that's what I like about you, Bertie.

Every day is a new breakdown.

-Okay, Jamie. -(swallows)

♪ ♪

(sighs)

PASTRY PETE: Welcome, everyone,

to the kickoff of the inaugural

Pastry Pete Mentorship Program for young female chefs.

As a vanguard, an icon,

a legend in baking and male feminism,

I asked myself, "Pastry Pete, how can young women benefit

from your gigantic... expertise?"

Hey, you there.

Tell the audience what made you apply to this program.

I just graduated from culinary school.

I'm broke, and I'm hungry all the time.

Don't worry. I've got plenty of fresh, hot baguettes for you.

Oh, okay. (chuckles nervously)

-(groans) -(phone rings, beeps)

-Hello? -Bertie Songthrush?

You again.

Could I confirm a quote for this article...

No, you could absolutely not.

You are a bad friend.

...about WinterSalads being a highlight of Yeast Week?

And Winter crediting you with that success.

No. Well... What?

I quote, "Bertie Songthrush came up with the brilliant idea,

"executed it with ingenuity,

and I'm proud to have her in the WinterSnacks family."

That's... so nice.

-I know, right? I'm a nice lady. -(phone beeps)

Did you give that quote before or after our fight?

-After. -That's even nicer.

And now, I'll bring up my co-mentor,

or, as I'd like to call her, a wo-mentor.

(chuckles) After all,

what kind of mentor to young women would I be

if I, a man, hogged all the mentoring to myself?

That's why I, Pastry Pete, have partnered up

with Chef Winter Garcia.

(seagull squawks)

You'd better hurry, your thingy is being

launched up there without you.

I thought about it, and you know what?

(bleep) him.

Well, seems like Chef Garcia can't make it.

I guess I'm the only chef that cares about women.

I'm still thinking about what you said.

About giving my name to help clean his.

So you... agree?

No. I don't know.

It's complicated.

But you were brave to bring it up to me,

face-to-face.

Maybe I don't know everything about people your age.

That's okay.

I know it's because you're old and have dementia.

(chuckles)

Furthermore, it is my belief that anything a man can do,

a woman can do after being taught by a man.

(grunts)

This guy is a duck killer.

He tried to kill my duck and me!

Okay, not me, but still.

Girls, get on the duck.

This gross man can't help you.

This is an emergency e-quack-uation.

I'm e-quack-uating you.

She's ejaculating us?

All right.

Ahoy, Ducky!

Yah!

Wow. What a happy ending.

She'll teach them to bake.

No, she won't.

Can I go home?

Not yet.

These women need guidance and confidence, Speckle.

Say no more.

Just press your foot down, one at a time, on top of him.

It may feel uncomfortable and cruel at first,

but soon, you'll see that cruelty is very empowering.

(groans)

(chuckles forcefully)

You're-you're all doing great.

Don't worry about a thing.

A-Anything I can do to be supportive.

It hurts so good.

(coughing)

♪ We're baking it up ♪

♪ Baking it up tonight ♪

♪ We're baking it up, we're baking it up ♪

♪ We're baking it up ♪

♪ And it feels all right ♪

♪ We're baking it up, we're baking it up ♪

♪ Oh, I want you to bake me there ♪

♪ Bake it all night ♪

♪ It's just not fair ♪

♪ We're baking it up ♪

♪ Baking it up tonight. ♪

BERTIE: This is Bertie. Leave a message.

-(beeps) -Bertie, just buzzing your mobile

to ask when you're planning to return from your sabbatical.

No rush, we're keeping your desk nice and warm

for you here at Conde Nest. (chuckles)

(groans)

(dogs barking)