Original subtitles

Look at this place. Absolutely beautiful.

We know each other for over 20 years.

How many times do I need to say, I do not like the height?

It's far too high.

But I wanted to start off with embracing a hike... OK.

..and embracing Andalusia.

This is the real Spain. Oh, come on!

Next time you starting off somewhere,

can we start off on the ground?

Don't... No, no, no, no.

Look, we're on the bridge. Gino, look at the bridge.

I am not... Come on! ..going there.

Gino, listen to me.

You need to take inspiration from Nelson Mandela. What?

He said, "The brave man is not the one who doesn't feel fear..."

That's right. "..but the one who conquers that fear".

I do not care. Let's do it together.

I don't like it.

But we can't turn round now, can we? No, whatever... No pushing.

No, I... Let's go.

MUSIC: "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" by Diana Ross

Gordon, are you, are you jumping? Gordon?

Are you jumping? No, it's fine. Hey...

Don't do that. Let's do a selfie.

Move! Move! THEY LAUGH

Oh, no. You, move, move!

HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER Do not touch me. Don't!

I don't want to die. BEEP.

This is a stupid idea.

Look what he's doing. HE LAUGHS

Gino. Oh! Don't move the bridge.

Come back for a selfie. Gino!

You BEEP.

Gino! Gino, you're such a wuss.

Um... Listen. I... SIGHS

You need to... I'm not talking to you. Oh.

'Gino D'Acampo...' Welcome to Spain!

'..Fred Sirieix and I...' What are you doing, Gordon? Argh!

Don't push me.

'..are on a Spanish spectacular.

'Three amigos...' Cheers.

'..with extra-large egos...'

Yes! Yes! FRED LAUGHS

'..back behind the wheel...' Gordon!

'..on the wrong side of the road.' We are on the pebble.

'Having travelled the globe with our world-class palates...'

The tapas is incredible. Mama mia!

'..this is a European culinary capital

'we're yet to traverse as a trio.'

THEY LAUGH I feel like Super Mario.

Go! 'With the crazy Italian...'

Whoo!

'..who's a one-man fiesta...'

No, no, no.

'..and a frolicking Frenchman I wish would siesta...'

Chica! THEY LAUGH

'..one thing's for sure...' Gino, no!

'..these senores...' You idiot.

'..are sure to be a massive...' What the... ?

'..Spain in the arse.'

You're burning the RV down, Gino.

THEY CHEER

Welcome to Malaga, guys.

We're back on the road, and this is the gateway to the Costa del Sol.

Come on! How nice does it feel to be back together? Come on.

Fred. Yes.

Freddie! Yes!

I could not wish for a better place than, er, south of Spain

because this place is full of bars, clubs.

Can you imagine how much drinking? 300 days of sunshine a year.

Forget the sunshine, forget the drinking, it's all about the food.

I think Spanish cuisine, honestly, for me...

No, no. Well, no...

If you dare say Spanish cuisine, now, is the best in the world,

like you did when you were in Greece, I'm walking out.

I-I... What I was trying to say is it's overtaken Italian cuisine.

Well, people love Spanish food, they love tapas. Thank you.

So, if that's the way you thinking, why you keeping opening

Italian restaurant and pizzeria? They're not, they're...

And then my people, they go to your restaurant.

Why are you not opening Gordon's Tapas Malamassas? Why?

'We're on a road trip, starting in the southern region of Andalusia,

'a place of abundant sunshine, vibrant culture and, of course,

'delicious food.

'First up, we're heading to Malaga,

'where we'll be flogging fish before tucking into some tremendous tapas.

'Then, heading west for a paella pit stop in Ronda

'before our final stop in Jerez for several swigs of sherry.'

You and your tapas.

I think there is much more diversity

in the Spanish cuisine than the Italian cuisine.

Exactly. And their produce is packed with excitement and flavour.

The Spanish people,

they stole the ideas for the tapas from the Italian. What?

Tapas is just an alternative of the almighty antipasto.

BRAKES SCREECH Oh, shit, sorry.

There's, er, there's your friends. Hola!

Espana, Spanish? Swedish!

Swedish! Do you prefer Italian cuisine or Spanish cuisine?

Italian. Italian, see? You and your tapas.

MUSIC: 'Malaga' by Fred Bongusto

'Just like millions of tourists each year, we've come to Malaga,

'and I want to prove to these taste buddies

'that the cuisine here is some of the finest in all of Spain.'

When was the last time you were in Spain?

Well, the last time I was in Spain, I was in Puerto Banus,

and that's where I met my wife.

Lovely. How old were you?

I was 17 years old. And me. Honestly.

And Jessica was working in a chiringuito,

one of those little kiosks on the... On the seafront? ..on the beach.

Wow. Yes, and I was working in the restaurant behind.

Guess who was the owner of the restaurant? Go on.

Sylvester Stallone.

Oh, stop it! Really?

And the name of the restaurant was the Mambo King. Did you meet Sly?

Yes. You know, he came into the kitchen, "Hi, hi," and that's it.

I'm gonna ask him next time I see him. Hey!

Of course he's not gonna remember me, is he?

But are you sure, are you sure it was him? Yes.

You know, guys, talking about chiringuito... Yes?

..I wanna take you to this restaurant called El Tintero,

and this restaurant is massive.

They do 3,000 covers per service. Stop it. 3,000 people a day?

You mean a week. A week or a month.

No, 3,000 per service. Nobody can do 3,000, er, covers.

But why don't you believe what I say?

Well, no-one's doing 3,000 covers a week!

Who's gonna do 3,000 covers now?

'Waiters are always exaggerating

'the numbers of people they have to serve,

'but it turns out our very own Manuel was right,

'and if there's one thing I hate, it's Fred being right.'

WAITER SPEAKS SPANISH

'El Tintero, a family business open since 1966,

'is one of the most iconic beach bars in the region,

'serving some of the most revered dishes of Malaga's seafood cuisine.'

This is crazy. Oh, my God. Bloody hell.

Can you smell the, er, the sardines?

Uh...? It's fish.

And w-w-w-why are we here? To have lunch. Ah!

'While Gino asks stupid questions,

'Fred, a man who's dished up a few meals in his time,

'is keen to show us the unique style of service

'this restaurant is famous for.'

Have you noticed, guys, there isn't a menu on the tables?

SHOUTING IN SPANISH

All sorts of shouting going on. Why... What are they shouting?

The waiters, basically, they go around

and they flog the dishes.

Look, look. You see the guy say, "Up, I want sardine."

Put your hands up, see what happens. HE SPEAKS SPANISH

Gracias. So, no menus. No menu.

And you just shout.

WAITER SPEAKS SPANISH Huh?

No, I just want to know the time. No, no, don't.

Hey, seriously. Yes, please. No, don't pay attention.

OK, OK. Yes, please. Gracias.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! Please! Oh, gracias.

Let's stop ordering food now. Hey! Yes, yes!

HE SPEAKS ITALIAN

Look at those mussels. Oh, my God. Look at that.

Just stop putting your hands up. SHOUTS IN SPANISH

One, one! Bravo!

Thank you. What is this?

Just relax and eat now. I think it's magic.

Don't you think that you are hungry, after a long day on the beach,

you want something to eat, you come here,

put your hands up and eat immediately.

It's delicious. It's bloody delicious.

'You can't scratch your head in this place

'without ordering a plate of something tasty,

'and front of house fanatic Fred was keen to know more,

'so invited managers Edu and Jessie over to join us.'

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Ciao, ciao. How are you, how are you?

I wanna ask you a question.

Why do you run your front of house like this?

How did it come about, you know,

to flog the orders like this to the customers?

My grandmother was in the kitchen. She doesn't read and write ever.

So my father have to tell her the different plates,

and one day, the restaurant get full,

and he say, "Please, yes, everything you can,

"and I will sell it."

So just cook and I will sell. And that's it.

And now the system has been in place for how long?

Er, 55 years. Wow!

And it's still full. Yes, yes.

Every day? Every day.

Where do you hide the cash?

Er... SHE LAUGHS

How do you understand what people have ordered or paid for?

Because there's no, there's no order.

Because all plates have the same price.

All the same price? All the plates.

If you had this system in Naples, where I come from,

people will start to hide the plate.

They do it. Do they do it?

They do it. THEY LAUGH

I would love to see the kitchen. Sure. Is that OK?

Stop ordering food. Enjoy this first. Don't be greedy.

Don't be greedy. And check he doesn't put any plates underneath.

'Leaving the other two to fight over the bill,

'I wanted to check out the engine room of this enormous operation.'

Oh, my God! They fry the fish.

This is crazy. Hola!

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Oh, my God!

How much fish do you go through - shellfish - a day?

In a good day, can be one ton. One ton?

One ton. A day?

Yeah. Shit.

Here is my father. Hola. Papa, Gordon.

Encantada. Muchas gracias. Hola.

'Eduardo Senior is the main man behind the mayhem

'and a man after my own heart.

'Having started the restaurant at the age of 13,

'at 69, he's still as involved as ever.

'No need for the Kitchen Nightmares treatment with this guy.'

I've been to thousands of restaurants before in my career,

but I've never quite seen a set-up as organised, as busy as this,

and with such success.

Why aren't you on the golf course? He should be retiring.

HE SPEAKS SPANISH

You are going to be the same, you are not going to be retired ever.

But Dad's richer than me. Yeah.

No. I'm telling you.

HE SPEAKS SPANISH

He feels very rich in the heart. Er, he looks extraordinary.

Grazie, Papa. Gracias.

Can you imagine running the front of house here?

Easy, you go there, you shout to people.

Couple of winks. Flog it. Job done.

Yeah, but you need to flog it

because the kitchen don't cook the food

and then you come back and say, "Sorry, nobody wants it."

Listen, I could do it easily. Fred, Gino!

Way! Oh-oh!

You see the restaurant. OK?

Do you want to try to sling the plates?

Yes, of course. Come on.

'With Eduardo's blessing,

'there's no better way to get a feel for El Tintero

'than to have a seafood selling session of our own.

'I'm usually sweating in the kitchen during the service,

'so when it comes to waiting tables, I'm a fish out of water.'

C-C... Don't push me! Don't push me! Oh!

CHEERING

Already. Sorry about that. Sorry, it's Gordon Ramsay.

Sorry!

MUSIC: "Shout" by the Isley Brothers

Salmonete? Sardine? Excellent, thank you very much.

An octopus.

Gambone! Relax.

Pulpo graca.

Pulpo graca!

Fucking hell. Pulpo graca. Salmonete!

Pulpo graca! Eh, oh, maccarones!

You're shouting over me again. Fucking hell.

Pulpo graca!

Down, Gordon, down, so they can see. Fucking hell.

You need to put some enthusiasm, Gordon. Oh, my God.

You're too... Smile and shout.

The Scottish guy, "Rar, rar, rar," with the plate.

I told him many time, put the plates down.

"Rar, rar, rar."

You're never gonna sell it like this. Well, go on.

You need to go confidence, man, when you go. I am confident.

I'm gonna show you. Ready?

HE SPEAKS SPANISH

That's it.

Well, it's perfect for Gino, you know what I mean?

Because it's chaos.

Date? Are you dating? Very nice, very nice, eh!

It's like Naples in a restaurant. Look at that.

Right. You get the names, get the names clear. Get the names clear.

What is it called? Pulpo? Chicken.

Pollo. Pollo?

Pollo. Con patatas.

Polla, polla con patatas! Polla?

Polla? Polla? No, no! No, no, no!

No, no, no! No polla, no polla!

Polla is cock. No, no polla. This is penis? Pollo.

Get the pronunciations right. OK.

Fucking hell. We... I got confused.

It means really rude. It's bad, it's bad.

Gino, well, that guy's got problems with his pronunciations.

He was asking ladies, "Would you like more cock?"

GORDON: Listen, what are you doing? This one, her name is Gordon.

Whoa! Oh! Don't do that!

'We're in the Costa del Sol,

'and Gino's idea of a Spanish adventure

'consists of sun, sea and sangria.

'But with the Italian showing off his pink pecker,

'and with the Frenchman smuggling a budgie,

'I'm not convinced.'

Guys, we are on the Costa del Sol,

OK, and I've organised something that everybody does here.

The lazy sofa. Are you serious?

You're gonna have to trust me, everybody does that here.

This is what you put on your head. What do I look like?

You're like a fucking helmet, a French helmet.

# Bamboleio

# Bamboleia... #

Si, salute! Salute! Welcome to Spain.

LAUGHTER

GINO GIGGLING

Gordon... Gordon!

INDISTINCT CHATTER, GORDON LAUGHING

SPLASH Argh!

Agh. Oh!

Oh, my bumhole is cold now! LAUGHTER

FLAMENCO MUSIC PLAYING

What do they do, people, on Saturday night here?

They cook. Can we go to Benidorm?

Tapas. Cos we can party there like mad.

Come on! Tapas.

OK, tapas... Tapas.

..and then can we go to a...? Tapas, tapas.

'Keen to avoid inflicting any more of Gino's nonsense

'on the good people of Spain,

'I'm keeping our culinary adventure on track,

'finally showing this pair of Costa del doughnuts

'tapas so good it will blow their tiny minds.'

I wanna take you to an amazing tapas restaurant.

In fact, this restaurant is run by a former chef of mine.

OK, and what's his name? Juanjo.

Juan... Juan hole.

Not "hole"! Ho?

Juan Ho. Oh, for God's sake. Where is he from?

He's Spanish, for God's sake!

I cannot wait to meet him. Why?

I've got so many questions to ask him

because I want to... I want him to tell me the truth.

You as a boss, what are you like? Me too. Me too.

Because I think you are...

I'm sorry, we are friend for long time,

I think you're a pain in the ass in the kitchen. OK.

Oh! Why do you brake like that?

Cos I'm a fucking good mentor.

'Time to remind Gino that, whilst his culinary influence

'reaches as far as the supermarket freezer section,

'mine extends to top kitchens around the world.'

Where is this restaurant? Just down here. Fred, let's go.

'Owned by Antonio Banderas, El Pimpi is a cultural and foodie institution

'in Malaga's historic centre,

'and tapas doesn't get more traditional or authentic than here.

'It's simple and absolutely delicious,

'so for once, I tucked in and let Fred do the talking.'

It comes from Andalusia, tapas. Yeah.

It means "to cover", and originally, what they used to do,

they used to have a slice of cheese...

And ham. ..or slice of ham on top of the beer, to cover it.

Dig in. Come on. Freddo, pass it down, please.

This is a croquette,

and actually, croquette come from the French, croquer, to crunch.

Oh, my God. OK.

Can we forget the French just for two minutes

and just enjoy the tapas?

You're saying that

because you Scottish people don't have anything similar.

We do. This is it. What is it?

Deep-fried Mars Bar.

ALL LAUGH

How delicious is this food?

I love the idea of eating like this, though,

because you can try so many different things.

It's humbleness of ingredients. There's three or four.

That is it. It's not overworked.

It's so cool. You know what?

A tapas is perfect for a date.

When is the last time you dated, man?

Fucking... 1962.

When you went out with Tana, what did you do?

We went to the Caprice, had fish and chips.

Really? You had fish and chips? What?!

You took a first date on a fish and chips?!

What's wrong with you?

Good to see you, my man.

Good to see you. Welcome to my place.

Thank you so much.

'Juanjo Perles Lopez was a chef de partie

'at my tapas-inspired restaurant, Maze, in London.'

First of all, this is delicious. The tapas is incredible.

I've got a question to ask you. Sure.

You were working with Gordon. Is it why you came back to Spain?

Yeah, oh, well... Ha-ha, that's a good question, actually.

So it was a bad experience? Sometimes.

THEY LAUGH

How often was he in the kitchen? Oh, my...

Look at me, don't look at him.

When you answer, you know that you need to answer to me.

Well, he may... Once a month, I don't know about that.

Once a... Once a month?! LAUGHTER

But you know, you can feel his vibes.

We all were terrified that Gordon came at the point,

you know, and yell at us.

ALL LAUGHING Let's go.

'Juanjo has invited us to help run his lunch service.

'Gino might be laughing now,

'but compared to me, the man can't boil water.

'Time to remind him what being in a kitchen with a master is like.'

No, you don't need a bandana.

Yes, I do, because that... I'm ready for a fight.

'I've arranged for a little light-hearted cook-off,

'nothing serious, just our reputations on the line.

'Like Gino, it's very simple. Whoever sells the most tapas wins.'

# Shake, shake, shake... #

I'm gonna do a beautiful pan con tomate.

You can dig a little bit deeper.

And one thing that I like to do when I toast my bread,

I rub it with olive oil, and then I put salt.

It creates a beautiful crust around. Job done.

'The Karate Kid is playing it safe with a glorified bruschetta,

'otherwise known as tomatoes on toast.'

Huge tuna, look at that.

I'm gonna go down a little tortilla route

with some leftover potatoes, caramelised onion, eggs.

Why do you not make a big one? You get something individually,

then you feel like it's been made for you,

rather than a slice of something that's been made for 15 people.

'As a step up from Gino's lazy effort,

'I'm creating something proper,

'my own version of a Spanish tortilla,

'topped with sour cream and served with local caviar.

'It's an elevated classic, guaranteed to impress.'

Look at that.

I never thought that Spain could produce such a beautiful ingredient.

Hola! Hola. Que tal?

'One clown in the kitchen is more than enough,

'so Fred is out in the restaurant, doing what he does best,

'front of house.' This way.

All right, how many we need to do? Er... 40, 50 portions.

40, 50 portions? Yeah.

In 20 minutes? Yeah.

'A lunchtime service may be short, but it's intense.

'Gino and I are getting as much mise en place done

'before the coming storm.'

Listen. SCRAPING

Yeah. That's the secret, when you know the bread is good.

Sounds like the top of one of your frozen lasagnes.

'All that remains to be seen is who sells the most.'

So, what would you like?

Would you like Gordon's tortilla or Gino's pan con tomate?

MUSIC: 'Misirlou' by Dick Dale Chefs, are you ready? Check in!

Oui. Yeah. Three toast, away.

No tortilla? No tortilla.

LAUGHS

# People like my toast, People like my toast. #

'It's a flying start for Gino,

'though why people are ordering a dollop of Dolmio on bread

'from a bandana-wearing bandit...'

Chefs, check in! Yes.

Four toast. '..is beyond me.'

No tortilla, still? No tortilla.

MUTTERS: Fuckin' 'ell. GINO CACKLING

So, dos tortillas e un pan con tomate? Si.

Check in, guys! Two tortilla, and one toast.

Check, good, thank you. We're off to the races.

Hurry up, guys.

How many would you like? Er, four.

Four tortilla? Yeah. OK, coming up.

Check in, guys. Yes.

Four tortillas. Si, four.

Four of them. No tomato.

I love that. We need only one toast, please.

You OK there with your tomatoes on toast?

Don't worry about tomato on toast, I'm kicking your ass so far.

Waiting on one toast. There you go. Senorita!

ALL: Ah! Woo! La tortilla di Gordon!

What about the bread?

'It's halfway through the service,

'and Gino's dream of beating me is going up in flames.'

Your bread! Shit!

Jesus Christ! LAUGHTER

It's because you talk to me and you distract me.

Jesus Christ almighty! The fuck are you doing?! If I...

This is called... Don't! This is called caramelising.

Tout va bien? DINERS: Todo bien.

Fantastic.

How many more breads?

'After Gino overstretched himself making a few slices of toast,

'we're entering the final straight.'

Chef, the tortillas are flying out now, right?

'And the true star quality is starting to show.'

Yes!

So how many toasts, er, Juanjo, please, in total?

Ten total, please.

Ten? Ten of them.

This is rot. Service!

I think I'm in the shit. You are.

'With service almost over,

'and in the face of an unbeatable opponent,

'Gino is in a last-minute panic

'to claw back his shattered reputation.'

It's only tomatoes on toast. Come on, Gino, please.

Wait, I'm doing it, I'm doing it, I'm doing it.

I got ten of them to do, er, Gordon, so please be patient.

Last order, please.

Sorry for the wait on the tomato. Don't give him the burnt one.

Ah, beautiful. Ah, pleasure. Excellent. Thank you.

Ready, Chef? All the pan con tomato?

Thank you, Chef. Nice job, guys. Hoo!

Slow start, but a strong finish. Yeah, strong finish.

Ah, really strong, thank you. Great to be back in the kitchen.

And always something unique with Gino,

in and out, that competitive edge.

Dig in.

Cheers.

Between you and I, he does think he looks like Antonio Banderas.

Really, Gino? Seriously? Antonio Bandera's granddad.

'Service over, it was time to tally who sold the most.'

Gordon? Gino? Yeah?

Fantastic feedback. We've got the results.

Juanjo has got them. Let's find out who sold the most.

Sure. OK.

OK, so, tortilla...

Yes. ..sold...

..25.

OK, it's great. Well, that's a big number.

Pan con tomate... Pan con tomate.

..28.

Yes! Yes! FRED LAUGHS

Yes! Come here. Come here, come here!

Gordon, Gordon, well done. LAUGHTER

Back in the kitchen with Gordon Ramsay,

and I kicked Gordon Ramsay ass.

How about that?

You don't wanna shake my hand? No, I don't.

Gordon, come, be a good sportman. No, I...

Be a good sportman. I have one question.

Yeah? One question.

From chef-to-chef now, point of view, please.

Let go of my hand.

Between the tortilla and the tomatoes on toast,

which one do you prefer?

It's your restaurant. Truthfully, now.

I'm gonna be honest. Please.

Gordon. Yes! That's what...

OK, all right, listen. Because he...

Ah, now you come in, and, oh, now he's laughing!

Not the result I wanted in terms of customer.

However, from a chef-to-chef point of view,

Juanjo clearly nailed which dish he preferred.

Typical Gordon Ramsay. He cannot just lose and accept it.

Show me your high five. Cuddles? Now we can cuddle.

Come on. He's happy.

When Juanjo said he preferred the tortilla

compared to the pan con tomate, I think he did it out of fear..

LAUGHS ..because I looked in his eyes,

and it was clear there was something going on there.

The eyes don't lie.

'Whoever said the customer's always right?'

Spanish people, they really know their food, don't they?

Yeah. I mean, how good was Juanjo? Yeah.

Goes back to the foundation of his training.

No, mainly I said that because obviously, I won,

so they know the class.

At least mine was cooked, yours was raw.

Raw tomatoes grated on a slice of bread.

'Gino, Fred and I are in Andalusia.

'Having fed the people of Malaga, it was time to feed ourselves...

'..and what better place for a traditional Spanish lunch

'than one of the most visited towns in the region, Ronda.'

Did your parents ever get to taste any of your food?

Cos sadly, they passed a while ago, but, you know,

in the height of your career, did they ever get a chance to taste?

Not in the height of my career, no.

They did at the beginning. No.

And it's one thing that I've always, you know, in the back of your mind,

you think, "I wish my mum and dad would have, er,

"seen and tasted what I can create."

Yeah. My father never tasted my food.

Never? Really? Never tasted my food.

He died at 53, but he never even walked into the restaurant, so...

so, yeah, you always ask yourself,

coming from Glasgow, would he have approved?

Would he have enjoyed it?

Oh, of course he would.

Yeah, but I don't think he would have understood it.

I don't think he would have...

Doesn't matter, he would have understood, you know,

how hard you worked. Yeah.

SONG: 'Andalucia' by John Cale

# Andalucia, when can I see you

# When it is snowing out again... #

I think, sometimes, I'm embarrassed

when my mum sees the standard that we hit,

because that... because that's where she's not comfortable.

Yeah, but in saying that, also,

I'm sure that she's very proud because she knows the level,

do you know what I mean? Yes.

The first thing she does when the food hits the table,

do you know what she does?

Go on. She seasons it.

Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, that's what happen with everybody.

First thing, salt and pepper. Why people do that?

I don't understand. You haven't even tasted it.

It's a generation thing. I'm saying,

"Mum, taste the bloody food.

"Please. Enjoy your food."

Look at this. The famous Ronda bridge.

Look at that!

SONG: 'Help Me Rhonda' by The Beach Boys

# Well, Rhonda, you look so fine

# And I know it wouldn't Take much time for you to

# Help me, Rhonda Help me get her out of my heart... #

That is a lot of tourists. Hello!

A quick photo. CAR BEEPS

Un momentos! Un momentos! Whoa, whoa.

CAR BEEPS, CROWD EXCLAIMS

GORDON AND GINO LAUGH

Grazie, thank you. Thank you, guys.

Gracias! Viens, viens, viens! Sorry!

Wow, what's wrong with them?

Very friendly here. Oh, my lord!

# Help me, Rhonda, yeah

# Get her out of my heart. #

'It's definitely time for a hearty Spanish lunch.

'It's just a matter of who's going to cook it.'

Considering that at the moment, right now,

I am the best chef in the car because I won,

I think it's only fair that I'm gonna cook for you guys.

It's so tight. OK.

On the right, on the right. Ooh, la, la!

This is tight, this is tight. Ooh, la, la.

We're coming through.

It's so tight. Yeah.

BEEPING Oh! Shit.

They call it paella, but, I mean, it's a risotto, really,

so what about if I...

Stop. Stop, do not...

do not cook a risotto here.

Gino, we are in Spain, can we have a traditional, classic dish?

OK, I'll do a paella. I'll do a traditional paella.

Gordon, you need to find a place where you can park,

so then I can cook.

What about further down there?

Just on the sort of... the beginning dip of the valley?

Be careful on this road.

Be careful on this road. I am always...

Just stop. Be careful. Stay more on the left.

Here we go. Here we go. Be careful on the road.

It's fine.

What? OK, good, good, good. It's gonna get a little bit bumpy.

Gordon! Gordon! Oh, my God, don't you even think about it.

Gordon! Gino, say something. You're crazy.

What do you want me to say?

Say something! He's not gonna listen.

If we got a car coming up...

Gordon, slow... slow down. It's fine, it's fine.

"It's fine?" We are on the pebbles.

Gordon! We are on the pebble!

There you go.

You are impossible, the two of you. Impossible.

GORDON CHUCKLES What...?

What pleasure do you take doing stuff like that?

What is the enjoyment, Gordon?

Let me just straight up a bit. Oh!

OK, so, there, that's the spot.

That is the spot where we should go.

There is no need... Gordon, Gordon!

..to drive like that. There is...

Why? Why? Why?

Beautiful. And breathe.

There is something wrong with you.

'After a quick change of underwear, Gino was ready to start cooking.'

Can you two set up the table and everything else as I'm cooking?

OK.

I'm using chicken thighs, and the first thing that you need to do,

you season with salt and pepper, and you colour the chicken.

Don't start. He's telling me about paella.

'With the incredible Ronda bridge as a backdrop,

'Gino's cooking up a traditional Spanish paella.

'Originating from the Valencia region,

'it's Spain's national dish,

'so why on earth we've let the Italian cook it is beyond me.'

Thank you. That's what we needed.

This is a flash case. OK.

Then you need to massage the... What are you doing here?

'What I do know is this cook needs adult supervision.'

Don't forget to toast the rice, please. Yep.

Yes? Let's go. Freddo, what are we gonna drink, please?

Oh, I'm gonna make a white sangria.

Er, Gino, isn't it too hot in there?

No, it's fine. You don't wanna set the place on fire.

Look at the smoke, Gordon. Gordon, look at the smoke.

You need to relax your sack. Sit down and get your sangria out.

This is dangerous. Holy Moly!

We... we good?

Fantastic. Don't worry, everything is under control.

Ready, steady, burn. Hey. Jesus!

No, not "ready, steady, burn". You need to caramelise things.

Caramelise? You're burning the RV down, kiddo!

Everything is gonna be OK. What are you doing in the kitchen?

Get the saffron in early.

No! Love it!

Who's cooking the paella?

Have you got a bit of alcohol to flame the chicken...

I have some nice brandy here. ..like a shandy or something?

Do you have some...? Yes, please. Thank you. What is that?

It's a Spanish brandy, delicious.

Oh, that will do the job. That will do the job.

OK, give it a good shake.

What! GINO EXCLAIMS

GINO SHOUTS

This is too much!

I know what I'm doing. The rice is in with the tomato and the garlic.

Good. Stock is boiling. Now we're gonna put the stock.

Don't flood it, don't flood it. It's not a risotto, OK?

So... yeah. No, no, no.

Then we wait, it hots up a little bit, and then we go for more.

But not... not too dry.

Oh, shit. So sorry.

What are you doing on the window?

Did you burn Gordon? Did I burn you?

I'm so sorry. It's all good.

Is your... Yeah, it's all good.

No. Come here, let me put some...

No, no. Honestly, it's all good. It's all good.

THEY LAUGH

I don't know what I'm doing.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

Treat it as a risotto, then, if that makes you feel better.

OK, we need to put this down. I'll turn it down.

GINO EXCLAIMS Shit.

What is going on there?

Shit! Fred!

Fred! Come here, Fred!

No, no, I've got it. I've got it, I've got it.

This is too much! This thing is gonna go on fire!

No, it's good. It's good, it's good.

Oh, my God, it fell.

It fell off. It's OK. Fred, I've got it, I've got it.

Fuck.

Fred, I've got it, I said. What are you doing, Fred?

I'm just trying to hold it.

It's good. Leave it.

Fuck. Lift it, lift it.

Don't touch it. I'm underneath it, don't touch it.

Yeah, don't touch it. I'm trying to turn the thing off.

You got it? Yeah.

Everything under control. This is a cooking disaster, Gino.

This is it.

Young man, I've never seen anything so ridiculous in all my life.

Alexa, do you like Gordon Ramsay?

ALEXA: 'I certainly do.

'But I've always preferred Jamie Oliver.'

What!? THEY LAUGH

I love you, Alexa. I do love you, see?

That's out of order.

No, no, no, Alexa, she knows what she's doing.

'She does, but Gino hasn't got a clue.

'Time to wrap this fiasco up.'

Gino, seriously, how long? It's getting dark.

I'm just garnish now with flat leaf parsley, chopped,

then I'm gonna put some roasted beautiful peppers.

The gambas are already in there. OK.

Now, look at that, this is looking beautiful, guys.

It smells delicious.

OK. Really delicious.

Boys, you're in for a treat. So, get ready for service.

Yep, here. Drinks are ready.

All right! Let's go.

Let's do this!

Oh, you f... Er, Fred.

What the... Hey.

Oh, for God's sake. OK. All right, listen.

Hey, you have to be fucking kidding me.

All right. You have...

I did not think about the... GINO STAMMERS

..pan in the van.

Oh, but wait, wait. There is a way to do this.

We can do it back. Oh, my God. There you go.

Tilt the pan. Oh, my God. GORDON CHUCKLES

Tilt it. Come on, "Tilt it."

Tilt it? The rice is gonna go down.

Tilt it? We cannot do tilt it. Slightly, slightly.

Like that? Yes, Come on.

The lemon will go in.

Hold on, hold on. Look, can you come through the window?

And my drink has dropped now.

Wait! That's it, we can do it. See?

Oh! GINO EXCLAIMS

GORDON LAUGHS

We can do it.

Come on, sit down. That looks incredible.

This is exactly why I brought you to Spain.

Not that bullshit there, but this here.

Bravo! Really, seriously, that smells delicious.

This is yours. Freddo.

Oh, yes, thank you. Here you are.

Fred, what's in there?

I was making a white sangria, and it just fell on the floor.

So I just had to improvise.

What has he done with your drink there?

So, he just spent the last half hour cooking a paella,

and you just dropped the wine.

One thing you had to do.

One job you had, only one.

Your job was to make a white sangria,

that's what you said in the van.

Gino, it's a bit rich to criticise. You almost set the RV on fire.

Let's enjoy the moment, shall we?

Seriously. This is better than any of the risottos you ever cooked me.

THEY LAUGH

I think you should start opening up a Spanish restaurant.

THEY LAUGH

Shit.

SPANISH ACCENT: "Ginos D'Acampos". Ginos.

Ginos D'Acampos. Ginos D'Acampos.

OK, seriously, honestly, delicious. And Fred.

FRED LAUGHS Cheers.

That is delicious. I mean, seriously. Oh, my God.

Sorry about the, er, the RV now.

GORDON LAUGHS

At least it's authentic, the smell.

THEY LAUGH

As we drive into Spain, they're gonna be like,

"Oh, there is Gordonos... Gordons, Ginos, and Freddos".

Boys, here we are. This the birthplace of flamenco.

Beautiful, isn't it? Pretty round here.

'Our new day starts in Jerez,

'where we're going to indulge in two of Fred's favourite things -

'wine and dad dancing,

'more commonly known to the locals as sherry and flamenco.'

Since I've done Strictly, I've got the bug with dancing.

You did Strictly for a Christmas special, you-you came tenth!

I did a great performance.

"If I say so myself, I did a great performance."!

You know, my fear was I was not gonna be able to perform

under the lights when the music started,

and I was just going for it.

I can't tell you how proud I am of Tilly

and what she did with Strictly,

just that pressure for any 19-year-old young girl,

she'd never... hardly worn heels,

and so just to transform from a uni student into this prolific dancer,

honestly, er, it just brought tears to my eyes.

How did you feel, sitting there,

your daughter comes out, dressed beautiful...

Oh, man!

..and then she's able to do that?

What were you feeling inside, as a dad?

Honestly, yeah, I-I... The proudest moment of-of my life.

I mean, you, with your daughter, er, you know, gold medals.

She done so well.

You know, when she won the Commonwealth... Yeah.

..and the pressure that she was under

when she was on top of that board was immense

because it was total silence, right?

The dive was just so perfect, it was just incredible.

Luciano, 20, the proudest moment for me,

when I realised that he can drink more than I can.

So...

Anyway, we are on the verge of sounding like three old farts.

'Three old farts in need of a drink

'to celebrate the end of the first leg of our trip.

'With Spain being the third largest producer of wine in the world,

'we couldn't wait to try the sherry

'exclusively produced in the Jerez region.

'After successfully keeping the rowdy Italian off the sauce,

'he's parched.'

So, are we gonna drink? That's what I want to know.

Of course we're gonna drink. Oh, finally, a bar!

But it's not just about wine, it's about the history

and the people of the region.

You're gonna be drinking a piece of history. Just here, look.

Yeah. Let's drink quite a lot of history. That's my plan.

'Fred's taking us to a traditional tabanco, El Pasaje,

'half bar, half wine shop.'

The smell is beautiful. Very sweet.

Can we please have a selection, please?

I'd like a Fino, Palo Cortado and also Pedro Ximenez.

Three, three and three. Amazing.

'There are seven styles of sherry, and we've chosen to taste three.

'They're some of the most versatile wines in the world.

'You won't find these gathering dust at the back of your nan's cupboard.'

The UK consume just almost as much sherry as the Spanish.

So the Spanish, they drink more than UK?

The Spanish, 11 million a year and the English, 10 million, litres.

You're excited, right? So ex...

I've never seen you so excited about sherry! What is...

But it's-it's not just about wine, it's about the people of the region.

You're drinking history.

Fred, Fred, you got a drink? Cheers. Oh, this is very sweet.

Salud. Salud.

Cheers.

No, no. Hey.

He's very thirsty, my friend. Very thirsty.

Ah! Beautiful sherry. I can feel it.

It's getting warmer. Have another glass, Gino.

Have another glass.

How long does it take to make this? It's called a solera system.

It's a process to age the wine, and basically,

you take the wine from the first barrel to the second,

and when it gets to the bottom there, then it's time to drink. Wow!

Do you want to taste it traditionally?

Oh, yes. Yes. Yes.

'One of the oldest trades to be found in the Jerez region

'is that of the sherry pourer or venenciador.'

Look at it. This is super traditional, guys.

Look at that. Look at this. A bas.

Wow!

That's cool. That is cool.

Go on, show him the Scots in you, come on.

I want to try, can I try? Can I try? Yeah.

Excusa me. No, Gino, Gino.

La jacqueta.

La jacqueta.

SPEAKS IN DIALECT

Chin up, chin up. Just one of 'em, just one of 'em.

LAUGHING

Arriba, arriba.

Uno momientos.

Twist it.

Twi... Twist it!

Eh? Gracias, gracias.

Un poco di sentimiento, un poco di sentimiento.

Nearly I, see, I... No, no, no.

You are mucho mejor, se... er, much better if I see a mouth here.

Nail him down.

LAUGHING

Look at that!

Bravo!

Gracias! Gracias.

Gracias.

Hey!

Wow. They look good.

Wow. How cool is that?

'While Fred was rinsing the sherry out of his moustache,

'the inebriated Italian and I stuck around for the flamenco show,

'which is supposed to be amazing fun,

'even if you haven't already drunk four glasses of sherry.'

SINGING

Serious, the face.

So beautiful.

So fast.

Hey! Brava! Brava!

Brava!

What is Fred doing in there?

Ole!

God! What?!

What the hell?

He looks like...

Zorro?

Oh, my!

Look at the intensity in his eyes.

Oh, my God!

Chica!

Ooh!

He's good! He's good. He's good.

I am speechless.

That was extraordinary.

The poise and the sternness and just the-the vigour,

er, was-was something else.

I think we have a new career for Fred Sirieix.

Ole! Vivas! Ancore! Ancore! Ancore!

Gino, Gordon! Vamonos!

What? No.

CHATTERING

No, no, no. Fred, no! No, no! Gi...!

Gino, you dance. No, I can't dance!

Get into the thing. I'm not dancing.

OK, I'm... No, I'm joking... I have-I have an injury on my foot.

FAST TALKING

I-I'm not... Honestly...

Fucking hell!

I can watch from here.

Gordon. Gordon.

Come on!

Yes! Gordon on stage!

Jesus Christ, no, come on!

I mean, honestly, seriously, seriously. I mean, fucking really?

Really? You said you were in the toilet. Jesus!

Ole! Come on.

Ole, ole, ole.

THEY SING

Stepping up on stage, I love it.

I love the light and I love to perform.

I mean, it was a show, wasn't it?

I love Andalusia.

This flamingo bar, very good.

Andalusia has provided all the- all the essence of Spanish cuisine.

Incredible tapas, paella, sherry. You name it, we've had it.

I think it's one of the best-kept culinary secrets on the planet.

Bravo! Bravo!

'Next time...'

This is lovely, isn't it?

'..we're in Santiago...' Oh, my lord!

'..on a culinary pilgrimage...'

It's a tit cheese. Oh, stop it.

'..through the northwest of Spain...'

This beef is exceptional.

'..going to extreme lengths...'

Looks like an elephant on a tricycle.

'..on our quest for the finest food Galicia has to offer.'

You're tasting the very best of Spain now.

De-licious.

'In our very own...' Oh, my God.

'..fiesta forever.'

Free Willy!

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