Original subtitles

-♪ (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ -ABE LINCOLN: Previously, on a very special Clone High.

The gang put on a musical

that featured a kiss between Harriet and JFK.

Joan was totally cool with it, but what Joan didn’t know

was that the kiss made Harriet and JFK’s heart skip a beat.

-The musical caused... -(SIREN WAILING)

...the Grassy Knoll to burn down,

so that kind of overshadowed the kiss.

But for how long, my friends?

We’re friends, right? Please don’t answer that.

(CHUCKLING) God, I’ve been so needy lately.

(FIRE BLAZING)

-(CROWD SOBBING) -(FIRE CRACKLING)

♪ (MUSIC TURNS SOMBER) ♪

(WIND WHOOSHING)

We are gathered here today

to mourn the end of the Grassy Knoll.

Honestly, Joan,

it’s like a pretty nasty 1950s-style diner

that hearkens back to an era that was really dark

and unpleasant for, like, kind of a lot of people.

(CHUCKLES) I don’t understand why every teen show has one.

Well, I love it because it’s the only place

that hasn’t changed since I was frozen.

Abe and I used to spend so much time here.

-Didn’t we, Abe? -Yeah, we were regulars.

Except when we ate the food, then we were anything

but regular, am I right? (CHUCKLES)

Good times with friends,

and the crappy burgers taste exactly the same

as they did 20 years ago. Crappy.

-(GROANS) Oh, no. Not this. -What is it, Joanie?

-Nothing. Somebody else talk. -Hey, you. Look.

This isn’t a ceremony to mourn a burnt-up building.

This is a funeral for my wife, Curly.

-(CURLY SIZZLING) -Wait, that’s not a party-sized

-blooming onion? -(CROWD GASPS)

MOPPS: While the building was collapsing from the fire,

-you guys caused... -(SCREAMS)

...Curly fell into a vat

-of egg batter. -(SCREAMS)

-MOPPS: She then slipped... -(CURLY GROANS)

-...fell mouth first into a cheese spout. -(SCREAMS)

MOPPS: And her guts was pumped full of the stuff.

-Then she tripped again... -(CURLY SQUELCHES)

-...in seasoned flour and then rolled into hot oil. -(GROANS, SCREAMS)

MOPPS: And that’s when she got deep-fried.

By the time I got her out,

I tried throwing parsley on her to cool her down.

But it was too late.

(GULPS) Ugh.

But why are you wearing such a jazzy suit to a funeral?

Curly made this. She always dreamed

of owning an island-themed clothing store.

So, I’m selling up here and making her dream come true.

Gonna call the place, "Tony Jamaica’s."

-Like, "Tommy Bahama?" -What’s "Tommy Bahama?"

(YELLING) No! You can’t sell the Grassy Knoll.

-Oh, God. Here we go. (SIGHS) -Joan, what’s going on?

Nothing, I’ve never felt better. I do not have an illness

I’ve been hiding since childhood.

-(CAR APPROACHING) -(HORN HONKING)

-♪ (POP SONG PLAYS) ♪ -(TIRES SCREECHING)

Mopps. Got your call.

I can’t wait to turn your beloved dump

into a condo mall. Here’s your signed contract,

-giving it all to me and my trophy wife. (KISSES) -♪ (POP SONG FADES) ♪

-Let me read that. -♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

Arbitrate, uh, force majeure, blah-blah-blah.

Priapism, carpe diem. Aha!

There’s a Goonies clause in the contract that states,

if we, a group of enthusiastic teens,

can raise enough money and rebuild the Grassy Knoll

before Monday at dawn, then it stays.

But I don’t wanna rebuild the Grassy Knoll.

FRIDA KAHLO: We should listen to Mops.

HARRIET TUBMAN: Yeah, that's fair. That makes sense.

We are rebuilding the Grassy Knoll.

Oh, good luck with that, sweetheart.

(SNIFFS) What smells so yummy?

-(CURLY SIZZLING) -That’s my Curly, fried.

I’ll take her to go.

♪ ("CLONE HIGH THEME SONG" BY ABANDONED POOLS PLAYING) ♪

♪ Way, way back in the 1980s Secret government employees ♪

♪ Dug up famous guys And ladies ♪

♪ And made amusing Genetic copies ♪

♪ Then the clones As teens were frozen ♪

♪ Thawed out decades later Why? ♪

♪ Back for reasons They’re not disclosin’ ♪

♪ Giving high school Another try ♪

♪ It’s time to watch Clone High ♪

♪ Energetic and engaging Clone High ♪

♪ Our angst is entertaining Clone High ♪

♪ (THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

♪ (GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS) No! My legs!

-It’s happening again. -(MUG SHATTERING)

-(JOAN OF ARC GROANS) -(PATCHES SCREECHES)

I have to save the Grassy Knoll. Sorry, Patches.

-(GASPS) -(GRUNTS)

-Ugh. -(GRUNTS)

-What’s wrong with your legs? -What’s wrong with your legs?

-(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) -(SIGHS) Never mind.

I’m going away this weekend on a very important,

very business-y, business retreat.

In case of emergency, I’m keeping my phone silenced.

(CELL PHONE BEEPS)

Well, enough bonding. Don’t gain weight. Bye.

-(SIGHS, GASPS) -(SCREECHES)

-(WINDOW SHATTERING) -(PATCHES SCREECHING)

-(CAR TIRES SCREECHING) -MOTHER: (YELLING) My baby!

-(SOBBING) -(BABY WAILING)

-MOTHER: Oh. My baby’s fine. -(SIGHS)

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Thanks, guys, for helping me pass out these flyers.

(GROANS) You know how special the Grassy Knoll is to me.

You used to screen

-your black-and-white films there... -(GROANS)

(CHUCKLING) ...and I used to get milkshakes thrown at me.

And I used to throw those milkshakes.

-Save the Grassy Knoll. -♪ (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

-(GASPS) -(GASPS)

(JFK CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Listen, did you feel

what I felt after we kissed in the musical?

I did! I tried to turn my heart off,

but you keep giving me a heart-on.

I feel like I’m cheating on Joan.

Me too.

(BOTH) We need to avoid each other at all costs.

(BOTH GASP)

-(CAR CRASHING) -(BABY WAILING)

MOTHER: (YELLING) My baby!

JFK: Calm down. Your baby’s fine, ma’am.

Help save one of Exclamation’s historical treasures,

-the Grassy Knoll. (GRUNTS) -(GASPS)

-(STUDENT SCREAMING) -More like, "The Greasy No."

Their tilapia swam right through me

and back into the man-made farming pond that it came from.

What, you want a fancy restaurant

that doesn’t give you diarrhea?

Uh, sorry, Mr. Rockefeller. (GRUNTS)

-(GASPS) -(LOCKER DOOR RATTLING)

-Whoa. What is happening? -JOAN: Nothing!

-This is how I distribute stuff. -(CROWD GASPS)

-(WHIMPERS) -Wow, Joan.

I haven’t seen you this excited about passed-out flyers

since Amelia Earhart drank all the Peach Schnapps.

Don’t look at me! (GROANS)

-(CROWD GASPS) -Joan!

Oh, Joan.

-(EKG MONITOR BEEPING) -JFK: Hmm.

-I need to call your foster mom. -(CELL PHONE BEEPS, RINGS)

-(CELL PHONE VIBRATES) -(CANDIDE SAMPSON SIGHS)

♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

Scudworth, we’d like to welcome you

to your first official work retreat

with the Board of Shadowy Figures.

Would you like to kick things off

with the functional initiatives report?

Oh, I didn’t know we were doing that now.

Uh, just a moment while I pull up my PowerPoint.

-Sorry, it’s around here somewhere. -(LAPTOP KEYS CLACKING)

Is anyone from IT on the bus?

I’m kidding, of course. But, oh, God.

-I’m at five percent. (SCREAMS) -Just kidding...

-(GLASS SHATTERING) -...biatch!

-Let’s get our retreat on. -♪ (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

(CROWD CHEERS)

Well, this is a fun surprise. (GULPS)

-(CROWD CHEERING) -It’s a business trip, bitch!

♪ (GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

Joan, you’re up!

I’m so glad you’re okay.

For now. Your friend is very sick. She’s not well.

Well, which one is it?

-Is she sick or not well? -(INHALES DEEPLY) Both.

-Abe, I have Psylly Legs. -(SOBBING) No!

Wait, what is that?

DR. NEELANKAVIL: Psylly Legs is named after the doctor

who first diagnosed it. Roberta Psylly.

When the patient experiences a build-up of nostalgia,

the patient’s legs become what we in medicine call...

-"Psylly." -Joan, I had no idea.

-(JOAN GRUNTS) -(GROANS)

I never wanted you to know, Abe. The truth is,

I’ve been living with Psylly Legs for years.

-Why wouldn't you tell me? -Because of the incident.

-♪ (UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ -It was 1991 and my foster dad

took me to my first concert, John Cougar Mellencamp.

I was loving it until he announced

he was officially changing his name

to "John Mellencamp."

The nostalgia just started to boil up in me.

No more Cougar? That’s when I felt it.

I couldn’t control my legs, they just started going crazy.

-I ended up on stage... -(CROWD LAUGHING)

-...and everyone pointed and laughed. -♪ (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

JOAN: When I was finally diagnosed,

everyone treated me like something to pity.

There were bake sales to "Fix Kicksy Trixie,”

and cover the costs

of my medical grade wooden pants.

I just wanted to be treated like everyone else.

It was the worst time of my life.

Wait, you were Kicksy Trixie? I thought she died.

No, I just dyed my hair

and came back to school in regular pants.

Luckily, I realized folk rock music wasn’t for me,

and I’ve kept my condition hidden ever since.

I’ve given her prescription tap shoes,

so you’ll know when her Psylly Legs

are flaring up.

If the nostalgia grows toxic, it could spread to her heart.

(BOTH GASP)

-And then she could die. -(BOTH GASP)

If you hear her saying things like, "Back in my day,"

or, "You’re ruining my childhood,"

it may be too late.

But Psylly Heart can be prevented.

How? I’ll do anything.

The temporary solution...

would be to rebuild the Grassy Knoll

to keep her nostalgia at bay.

But the more permanent solution is...

We don’t have time for that!

I’ll get everyone to help save you, Joan.

-I’m off to tell everyone -No! You can’t tell anyone,

and definitely not JFK.

I just got used to being popular.

I don’t want anything to change that.

Your secret’s safe with me. But from now on,

let’s never keep secrets from each other,

big or small, no matter the consequences.

Deal. Seal it with a blood pact?

Psylly Legs isn’t transmissible, is it?

-Only via toilet seats. -Let’s cut some fingers.

(RETCHES) I don’t do well around blood.

♪ (ROCK MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

Friends, is there anyone you care about more than Joan?

-(STUTTERS) No! Definitely not! -What? Did someone say something?

Then let’s rebuild the Grassy Knoll for her.

I mean, the new condos could be a good thing.

They’re supposed to be fully sustainable.

I heard they were gonna offer low-income housing.

Uh, I mean, normally, I’d agree with that,

but sometimes it’s better to sustain a friendship

-than the environment. -And this is one of those times.

-For friendship! -(CROWD AGREEING)

I mean, I guess, if everyone else is doing it.

Does anyone mind if I kick off a fundraising montage?

-Cool. -(KARAOKE MACHINE CLICKS)

♪ (POP MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

Thanks, Mom.

I am so glad you have rich parents.

They make fundraising montages so much easier.

Joanie! We raised 100,000 dollars.

(CROWD CHEERS)

Wow, I can’t believe you guys did that.

The perfect amount of money

to make a highly produced fundraising video

to raise money to save the Grassy Knoll.

And I have the perfect video idea.

(PROJECTOR WHIRRING)

♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

(BELL TOLLING)

DAVID TENNANT: Onion rings are a cir... (ECHOING)

...are a circle of time.

-(MUNCHES) -(CLOCK CHIMING)

DAVID TENNANT: What is time but a memory?

What is a memory but the death... (ECHOING)

...the death of thoughts?

I’m David Tennant. Give money.

(PROJECTOR CLICKS)

She spent 100,000 dollars to make that?

Folks will pay a pretty penny for groundbreaking art.

How much did it raise?

-(CASH REGISTER KEYS CLACKING) -Uh, let me see here. Carry the one...

Zero dollars.

-♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ -And you still have to reimburse

David Tennant for the sandwiches.

-(SHOES TAPPING) -I guess the Grassy Knoll

will be gone forever. (WHIMPERS)

Joan? Are you all right?

I’m totally and completely fine. I'm just gonna hold this trash can

in front of me, like-- Oh, yeah. (WHIMPERS)

Just gonna go get some fresh air.

-Don’t run after me! (SCREAMS) -(TRASH CAN RATTLING)

Should we run after her?

-(CHUCKLING) She’s fine. Oh, my. -(SHOES TAPPING)

Is that the sound of a woodpecker?

Uh, tap, tap, tapping away?

Nothing to worry about or investigate. Just stay put.

CROWD: Hmm.

-Joan! Joan, stop. -(SOBS)

I can’t! (SOBS)

-(GLASS SHATTERING) -(GRUNTS) Hideous! Hideous!

-Joan, I can’t do this alone! -(JOAN GRUNTING)

-(LAMPS SHATTERING) -This is too much for one teen to handle.

-Can’t we just tell our friends? -(JOAN GRUNTING)

I can’t risk it, Abe.

If they start treating me differently,

it could send me into a Psylly spiral.

-What about your foster mom? -(JOAN GRUNTING)

-Can’t we tell her? -No, Abe. She’s at a conference.

She’s a modern-day working woman.

-Look out! Got you now! -(CANDIDE GRUNTS)

-Take that, bitch! Whoo! -(CROWD CHEERS)

-(JOAN GRUNTS) -Joan, I-- (GROANS)

Ah! Remember this leg lamp from A Christmas Story?

-It was-- (GRUNTS) -♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

No! That movie isn’t as good as you remember, Joan.

-(LAMP SHATTERING) -Really charming.

-But you gotta stop. -I can’t!

Back in my day, it was the best movie

and I kept thinking about how Mr. Big Corporation

is ruining my childhood.

Joan, you just said, "Back in my day"

and "Ruin my childhood!"

(GASPS) The nostalgia is becoming toxic.

We have to accept

that my Psylly Legs will definitely kill me.

-No! (GROANS) -(GRUNTS)

♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

-(JOAN GRUNTS) -I’m gonna be here for you no matter what.

-Every step of the way. -(GROANS)

(SCREAMS)

(GLASS SHATTERING)

My precious babies!

(GLASS SHATTERING)

Go, Joan. (GRUNTS) Yee-haw! Ha!

-(SCREAMS, GROANS) -(CAT MEOWS)

Hey! (SCOFFS) What’s all the commotion? Joan?

Pop singer turned dramatic actress,

Mandy Moore? Wow!

I haven’t seen you since you taught me

the true spirit of Snowflake Day.

-I am not Mandy Moore. -Are you sure?

Because you have a "This Is Us" poster.

(CHUCKLES) No.

-It says, "This Is Not Us." -Right. "Not Us." Wait. (GRUNTS)

Have you been living in a dumpster for 20 years?

Not the same dumpster.

It’s amazing what you can do with trash. Look.

Wow! How’d you get a view of Central Park?

We don’t live anywhere near New York.

Anything is possible with trash.

-(GRUNTS) -♪ (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

-Trash is stuff privileged people throw away... -(FLIES BUZZING)

...when it’s too hard to recycle.

-Hideous! -(TRASH CAN RATTLES)

You can use stuff to make stuff.

-(GRUNTS) -(GROANS)

My couch is a banana peel.

You’re right, Trash Mandy.

We can rebuild the Grassy Knoll with trash,

since we don’t have any money.

Boy. If we build the Grassy Knoll again,

then I won’t have nostalgia for it,

and I’ll be cured of Psylly Legs.

The Grassy Knoll was total garbage.

So, it only makes sense

to rebuild it with total garbage.

(CHUCKLING) Oh, Mandy. I love this idea!

-I’m gonna go tell the group. -Abe, wait.

Thanks for stepping up and being my best

non-sexual friend.

I'm gonna be okay!

I won’t turn out to be like that girl

-in A Walk to Remember. -Hey!

Really seems like you’re Mandy Moore.

-(SCHOOL BELL RINGING) -(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

-(SIGHS) -♪ (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

(GASPS) You came back for me.

(SIGHS) We have to figure this out. It’s not fair to Joan.

It’s true, but how can we know for sure

if we’re supposed to be together?

We can’t know for sure, but our tongues can.

(BOTH SLURP)

Guys! Dumpster Mandy Moore said

we can use free trash to rebuild the Grassy Knoll--

No!

-(BOTH SLURP) -Oh, I wish I could unsee that!

But I’m just gonna watch it for one more sec to make sure

I got it. Oh! I definitely got it.

-No! -(BOTH SLURP)

(BOTH) Meh.

Ugh! Gross. I feel more

when I kiss my reflection in the mirror.

You do that too? Huh.

You know, I’d never do this with one of my old broads,

but, uh, should we be honest and tell Joan?

We didn’t technically do anything wrong.

Would you tell someone about a crime

-you didn’t actually commit? -You’re right!

It’s, uh, like, if you drove off a bridge

and accidentally killed a gal.

Do you sit around and wait for the police?

(CHUCKLES) Hell no!

(SIGHS) I don’t know if that’s the takeaway.

You’re right. Not telling Joan is the easiest,

and therefore, rightest thing to do.

♪ (GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

Dr. Neelankavil, I’m really troubled.

I saw Joan’s boyfriend kissing her best friend,

and I don’t know if I should tell Joan.

I don’t wanna trigger her Psylly Legs,

but I wanna do what’s best for her.

Listen, Abe. I’m just a doctor of the body,

not of the heart or mind.

But Joan is very Psylly,

and you don’t wanna be responsible

-for her being too Psylly. -You're right.

But I did see you make a blood pact with her,

promising not to keep secrets

from each other under any circumstances.

So, it’s a tough call,

but I’m sure you’ll make the right one.

Thanks, Dr. Neelankavil. Can I put my pants back on now?

You didn’t need to take them off in the first place.

-(INDISTINCT CHATTER) -♪ (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

Let’s use the old wood as the frame

and the glass shards as windows.

-And the rotten coffee grounds as new coffee grounds. -(FLIES BUZZ)

Are you guys seriously doing-- What’s that word?

It begins with a "C" and it has hair in it?

-Uh, charity? -Yes.

-Ugh, it even sounds disgusting. -It’s happening.

I’m gonna get my place back and not die.

-(CROWD GASPS) -Uh...

From boredom. Duh! Not from a disease.

You're my disease, baby. And I never wanna get well.

And I don’t ever want to be with another disease either.

Thanks?

And you’re my best new female friend,

who I only wanna help, and never hurt.

So, let’s get this garbage hang out together. Yeah!

Abe, people are acting weird. Oh, do you think they know?

♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

I don’t know what they know.

But what I know is nothing about something.

-Now you’re acting weird. -I’m not acting weird.

(IN SOUTHERN ACCENT) I’m shooting you straight, partner.

-(SHOES TAPPING) -That’s not how you talk.

What’s wrong with you?

(IN SOUTHERN ACCENT) I’m sure I don’t know, little lady.

Abe, I need you to be honest with me.

(IN SOUTHERN ACCENT) Honest Abe, comin' at you,

on the level, givin' ya the straight dope.

I don’t know who you are right now.

I’m just trying to make the right decision

in a difficult situation.

What does that even mean? I--

-Joan, I don’t-- I can’t-- I-- -(GRUNTS, GROANS)

-(CROWD GASPS) -Joan!

-(EKG MONITOR BEEPING) -Thank God, you’re alive.

-(JOAN GRUNTS) -(GROANS)

-I was so worried. (GROANS) -(JOAN GRUNTS)

Wow! It turns out urgent care

is a great alternative to the ER! (GROANS)

-You look really sick. (GROANS) -(JOAN GRUNTS)

You all shouldn’t be here.

Abe, I trusted you to keep my Psylly Legs a secret.

-Yo. Your what? -I told you, Joan.

I didn’t say anything about that.

What’s going on, Joanie?

-(GRUNTS) Nothing. -(GROANS)

-It’s not a big deal. -This is a huge deal.

Your nostalgia levels are through the roof.

The Psylliness is mere inches from your heart.

-This is what Psylly Heart looks like. -(GIGGLES)

(GIGGLES)

-(SCREAMS) -Whoa!

-(CROWD GASPS) -(SCREAMS)

Look, I don’t want your pity. Just leave me alone.

-Get out of here. -We’re your friends.

If there’s anything we can do, just let us know.

And if you just want us to leave, that’s fine, too.

You’re not trying to coddle me?

Ew. I don’t even know how to do that.

I’ve never had a group of friends like this before.

We just wanna do whatever’s best for you, Joan.

Then we need to finish rebuilding the Grassy Knoll

before it’s too late.

It’s the only thing that can save me.

Actually, that’s just a temporary solution.

A permanent solution would be to accept

that there is change in life. Grow and move on.

-We’re doing Joan’s thing. -We’re gonna temporarily

-save your life. -(CAMERA CLICKS)

Before anyone’s life is saved,

we need to get a hold of your foster mom

for billing purposes.

You can try but she’s a single, working mother doing her best.

-♪ (POP MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ -In your face, bitch!

-(INDISTINCT CHATTER) -In my face, indeed.

You are the Queen of Alcohol Pong.

Hey, Scudworth,

maybe you’re not a total piece of shit.

Ah! Do you mean it? Oh! Work retreats are the best.

-(GRUNTS) -(CROWD CHEERS)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

-It’s beautiful. -♪ (GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

And it even smells the same. (GRUNTS, SIGHS)

(GASPS) My legs are now so steady and-- and firm.

(LAUGHING) I’m not Psylly anymore!

-♪ (POP SONG PLAYS) ♪ -(BULLDOZER ENGINE RUMBLES)

All right. Time to bulldoze this thing.

Wait, are you kidding?

We rebuilt the Grassy Knoll in three days.

We honored the contract.

(CHUCKLES) You needed to put an "Open" sign on the door.

Sorry, you didn’t read the back.

You can’t bulldoze anything with friendship protecting it.

CROWD: Yeah! Friendship wall.

-Ah, okay. You kids win. -(BULLDOZER BELL BEEPING)

(CROWD CHEER)

-(LAUGHS) Suckers! -(GASPS)

The Grassy Knoll is gone again!

♪ (GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

Hmm. Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? I’m actually okay, guys.

I no longer have nostalgia for the past.

All thanks to my new friends,

who I can make new memories with.

Abe, I’m so sorry, I doubted you.

You’re the most loyal,

trustworthy friend anyone could have.

Yeah, that’s me.

Now, that she’s better, we should probably confess, right?

I know. I feel awful.

Joanie! Thank God you’re better!

There’s no way I could have gotten better without you--

JFK and I kissed!

-♪ (INTENSE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ -We-- We thought there was something there

after the kiss in the musical,

so, uh, we had to make sure. But my wiener felt zippo.

Like I was kissing my hairy aunt at the cookout.

It was like a sock filled with oatmeal

just dangling there. Joan, say something.

(CHUCKLES) Th-- This didn’t happen.

The-- I deny it. (CHUCKLES)

It’s my fault. (SOBBING) I blame myself!

No! This is fucked up! May God smite you!

-Joan. I’m sorry, baby. Please. -Just let it ride.

She’s going through the stages of grief.

JOAN: (SOBBING) I hate this. I hate myself.

No! Screw this. Screw you all to hell!

Why are there so many clouds? I’m fine. I’m totally fine.

(SCREAMS) Squirrels talk to me.

-I’m so alone. -JFK: How many stages are there?

HARRIET: I feel like we’re in the home stretch.

Quit looking at me! Die, tree!

I’m drowning my feelings. It’s okay.

Thank you for being honest with me.

I’m glad they told you.

That was so hard keeping that secret from you.

-What? -(SHOES TAPPING)

You knew and you didn’t tell me?

I was trying to be a good best friend

and protect you. That’s why I didn’t tell you.

The old Abe wouldn’t have done that.

He would have honored our blood pact.

And right now, I’m nostalgic for him.

Oh, God. How do we stop this?

I need to get over our friendship,

the same way I got over the music of John Mellencamp.

-(JFK GASPS) -I need to accept

that there’s change in life. Grow, and move on.

What does that mean?

I have to let our friendship go.

(WHIMPERS)

(JOAN MOANS)

(EMPLOYEE COUGHS)

I need an aspirin and a Plan B for Mr. B.

One hundred missed calls from Joan?

Boy, I’m glad I had this turned off.

That would have been very annoying.

Hey, um. You know how you said

I wasn’t a total piece of shit yesterday?

I don’t remember anything from these trips.

Right. Okay. (HESITATES) You know,

I remember everything quite vividly.

Some pretty good stories actually.

(SNORES)

That’s progress, Mr. B. (SNORES)

-♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ -(BIRDS CHIRPING)

I’m so amazed you got Mr. Big Corporation

to rebuild the Grassy Knoll.

Mr. Big Corporation’s my ex-stepdad. Whatever.

I mean, sure, it looks nothing like the original Grassy Knoll,

and it only serves Acai bowls,

but at least it has the same name.

-Thanks, Cleo. -(CHUCKLES) It’s not about you.

I just really missed chucking food at nerds. (GRUNTS)

-(GROANS) -CLEOPATRA: Yes!

Well, the only thing from the old menu

they still let me serve is my famous hot coffee.

Here you go. On the house.

So, what happened to "Tony Jamaica’s"

-clothing shop? -Ah.

Retail is just a giant hassle,

but I did at least get some artwork out of it.

-(SIPS, SPITS) -(SCREAMS)

-Ugh! -(TRAY CLATTERING)

Still tastes like hot, pukey mop water.

(SIGHS) Oh, good to be home, Mopps.

-Good to be home! -(CROWD CHEERS)

♪ Oh, seventeen ♪

(SOBS)

♪ The bathroom sink beneath ♪

♪ I've been learning how to sing Ever since ♪

♪ Oh, light of love ♪

♪ Holy fire once enough ♪

♪ Wide awake In the morning sun ♪

♪ A fire I knew ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ A love where I will end ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ A love where I will end ♪

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪