Original subtitles

[Inhales] HUP! ONE!

[Counting Indistinctly]

[Counting Continues]

ONE! [Counting Indistinctly]

HEY! [Shudders]

HERB? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I WORK HERE, REMEMBER? WHAT HAPPENED?

LUCILLE LOCK YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE AGAIN LAST NIGHT? HMM? HMM? HMM?

HARDLY. WELL, YOU'VE NEVER COME IN THIS EARLY BEFORE.

MAYBE I WAS OUT WITH ANOTHER WOMAN.

[Stifled Laughing]

WHY NOT? I'M A VERY ELIGIBLE BACHELOR.

- SINCE WHEN? - SINCE LAST NIGHT.

LUCILLE AND I SPLIT UP, AND I WALKED OUT.

OH, NO! OH, YEAH!

YOU'VE GOT A BEAUTIFUL MARRIAGE, HERB. NOT ANYMORE.

HERB! GOOD MORNING, GUYS.

MORNING, BAILEY. HERB, IT CAN'T END LIKE THIS!

LOOK, LES, IT'S OVER, SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET USED TO IT.

HOW CAN YOU SAY A BEAUTIFUL, MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP...

IS OVER, JUST LIKE THAT? IT WASN'T BEAUTIFUL!

OH, PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT, HERB! LOOK, LES,

YOU CANNOT BUILD A RELATIONSHIP ON SEX ALONE!

[Groans]

♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVING ON THE AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪

♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪

ABOUT THIS, HERB? YEP. MY MARRIAGE IS OVER.

THIS IS TERRIBLE. I KNOW. TOO BAD.

HERB, THIS IS A TEMPORARY SEPARATION, ISN'T IT?

NOPE. BUT, UH, THAT'S LIFE.

THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE SAY. I MEAN...

YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE THE COURAGE TO MOVE ON AND DO THE BEST YOU CAN,

EVEN THOUGH YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS FALLING APART.

[Sighs]

HELLO, JENNIFER? GUESS WHAT? I'M GETTING A DIVORCE.

HELLO?

HERB, WHAT WILL YOU DO? WHERE WILL YOU GO?

I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU.

OH, THAT WOULD BE FUN!

I'VE JUST GOT THIS LITTLE MURPHY BED.

IT'S PRETTY SMALL, BUT I GUESS WE COULD SHARE IT.

NO THANKS, LES.

LOOK, UH, ANDY, HOW ABOUT YOU?

HUH? UH, NO. MY BROTHER'S IN TOWN WITH MY MOTHER, HERB.

IT'S VERY, VERY CROWDED.

I THINK HERB WANTS A DIVORCE. JUST LET HIM SLEEP ON THE COUCH!

WELL, HE CAN'T STAY HERE, BAILEY. [Snaps Fingers] I KNOW!

WE CAN DRAW STRAWS. THE WINNER GETS HERB!

EXCUSE ME.

YEAH? DID YOU JUST CALL ME?

YOU BET.

I AM A FREE MAN. NO MORE EXCUSES.

ANDY! ANDY, I CANNOT HANDLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS RIGHT NOW.

HOW ABOUT TONIGHT?

BAILEY, TELL ME THIS ISN'T TRUE... NOW NOT REALLY.

A LITTLE DINNER, A LITTLE WINE. WE CAN'T HAVE THIS, LES.

NOW THEY HAVE TO GET BACK TOGETHER FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN.

HOW ABOUT AROUND 7:30? [Exhales]

EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT MARRIED, HERB, I'M NOT

GOING TO GO OUT WITH YOU. NEVER. NEVER, EVER.

WANNA BET? THINGS ARE DIFFERENT, JENNY-POO.

JENNY-POO?

♪♪ [Rock]

♪♪ [Volume Decreases] HELLO.

HI. HI.

- HERB IS GETTING A DIVORCE. - YEAH?

WE CAN'T HAVE THAT. NO.

EXCUSE ME. OKAY.

COME ON, MAN. GIVE ME THE BREAD.

LOOK, MAN, I GOT AN IDEA. UH, DOUBLE OR NOTHING TONIGHT. YOU PICK THE GAME.

IS THERE A SIGN ON ME THAT SAYS "DUMMY"? WHERE IS IT, ON MY BACK?

VENUS, I'M... FOR THE SAKE OF RACIAL HARMONY, I BEG OF YOU, MAN.

JUST... VENUS, I NEED YOUR HELP.

DON'T YOU WHITE PEOPLE HAVE ANY MONEY AT ALL?

I DON'T WANT MONEY. WHAT IS THAT, A QUARTER?

WE'RE DRAWING STRAWS. THE WINNER GETS HERB.

WINNER? [Laughs]

WELL, YES. THAT'S WHO HERB STAYS WITH.

STAYS WITH? YES.

YOU MEAN LIKE, HAVE HERB COME INTO YOUR HOME AND STAY THERE AND NOT GO AWAY?

IT'S ONLY FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS. COME ON. TAKE A STRAW, VENUS.

- I WOULDN'T RENT HERB A ROOM. - YOU KNOW, I WOULD.

- YOU WOULD? - SURE, FOR... 15 BUCKS A DAY.

JOHNNY, THIS MAN AND THIS WOMAN HAVE LIVED TOGETHER AND LOVED TOGETHER FOR 12 YEARS.

TWELVE YEARS, JOHNNY. THEY HAVE TWO LITTLE CHILDREN.

TEN BUCKS.

JOHNNY, THEY HAVE A BEAUTIFUL HOME, A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP.

AND NOW ALL THAT'S IN ASHES, AND YOU WANT TO MAKE MONEY FROM THEIR MISERY?

NO! I THOUGHT NOT. I'LL GO TELL HERB.

- LES! - YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING, JOHNNY.

- THANK YOU. - OH, WELL, THANK YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU STARIN' AT?

YOUR "DUMMY" SIGN'S ON A LITTLE CROOKED.

UH, JENNIFER, CAN YOU FIND HERB?

YEAH, NOW I WANT TO SEE HIM. [Mutters]

- YOU WANT TO SEE ME, BIG GUY? - [Whistles] THAT WAS FAST.

WELL, I HAPPENED TO BE STANDING AT JENNIFER'S DESK.

OH, YEAH? AH, I SEE. WELL, UH, HAVE A SEAT.

SURELY. UH, LISTEN, HERB, UH,

LES HAS TOLD ME ABOUT THIS... TROUBLE THAT YOU'RE HAVING AT HOME.

YEAH.

WELL, I, UH...

I JUST WANTED TO SAY HOW DARN SORRY I AM,

HOW PAINFUL I KNOW THIS MUST BE FOR YOU,

AND THAT YOU CAN'T STAY AT MY HOUSE.

THAT'S OKAY, BIG GUY, 'CAUSE I'M STAYING WITH JOHNNY.

OH, GOOD. THAT'S VERY GOOD, IN FACT.

SEE, WE'RE GONNA REMODEL OUR GUEST ROOM. YOU UNDERSTAND.

SURELY. WE HAVEN'T STARTED YET. I MEAN, THE GUYS HAVEN'T COME IN.

THEY COME IN TOMORROW. WAY I SEE IT, WE'RE JUST GONNA TEAR DOWN THE WHOLE DARN THING.

ACTUALLY, WHAT I HAVE IN MIND... PROBABLY TAKE SEVERAL MONTHS.

WELL, THAT'S OKAY, BIG GUY, 'CAUSE, UH...

WELL, I'M GETTING MY OWN PLACE IN A COUPLE OF NIGHTS, YOU KNOW?

IT'LL HAVE WALL-TO-WALL SHAG CARPETING,

SEVERAL FIREPLACES AND LOTS OF MIRRORS.

LUCILLE.

LUCILLE!

HELLO, JENNIFER.

WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS A TERRIBLE THING.

NOW MEET ME FOR A DRINK LATER, AND WE'LL TALK.

SURELY.

HELLO, MR. CARLSON.

UH... H-HI! [Chuckling] HOW'S IT GOING? UH...

- HELLO, HERB. - HELLO.

WELL, I'M SURE YOU TWO WOULD LIKE TO BE ALONE.

OH, NO, STAY!

I THINK I'LL JUST STEP RIGHT IN HERE.

DON'T GO.

UM, WELL, I PACKED YOUR THINGS AND PUT THEM IN YOUR CAR, HERB.

- THANK YOU. - GOOD-BYE.

NO, STAY. DON'T GO.

SOMEBODY SAY SOMETHING.

[Clears Throat] WE'RE REMODELING THE GUEST ROOM. UH...

I CRIED LAST NIGHT, HERB.

OH, GOOD. I MEAN, GO ON.

WELL, I THOUGHT ABOUT OUR LIFE TOGETHER, AND...

AND WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING TO US, AND, UH...

AND I THOUGHT, UH... YES?

I THOUGHT, SO WHAT?

"SO WHAT?"

YEAH! SO WHAT? UH, WE'LL ALL TALK LATER, OKAY? COME ON.

I MEAN, JUST WHO IS THIS CREEP I'VE BEEN COOKING FOR...

AND-AND STAYING HOME FOR EVERY LOUSY DAY?

I THOUGHT ABOUT MYSELF FOR ONCE.

JUST WHAT'S HE DONE THAT'S SO DARN IMPORTANT, HUH?

SHE SEEMS TO BE BEARING UP PRETTY WELL. I...

[Ock On Door] IT'S ANDY.

HI. HEY. HOW'S IT GOING, JOHNNY?

SO, WHERE'S HERB?

HE'S OUT BUYING DIP.

DIP?

LISTEN, MY MAN. HOW YOU HOLDING UP?

[Laughs] OH, I'M FINE.

IT'S BEEN REALLY GREAT HAVING HERB HERE THE LAST TWO NIGHTS.

TOMORROW NIGHT, YOU GET HIM.

OH, HO, HO. NO, NO, NO, I DON'T. OH, YES, YOU DO.

AND NOT ONLY THAT, MY FRIEND,

BUT YOU GET THE BULLFIGHTER ON REAL BLACK VELVET.

YOU GET THE BATTERY-POWERED GO-GO DANCING NOVELTY SENSATION.

YOU GET THE COLOR-COORDINATED REPROCESSED STYROFOAM CLOTHING.

AND, AS A BONUS, YOU GET THE SLIDES.

THE SLIDES? YEAH.

HE, UH, TAKES PICTURES OF HIS CAR. CAR.

CAR.

HEY, GUYS. ALL RIGHT. BIG NIGHT TONIGHT, HUH?

YEAH. YEAH, BOY.

I GOT SOME DIP, BEER IN THE FRIDGE,

AND I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU GUYS GIVING ME THIS PARTY.

OH, IT'S MY PLEASURE, HERB. IT'S KIND OF A WARM-UP...

FOR MY SUMMER DINNER DANCE PARTIES.

HEY, JOHNNY, WE HAVE ANY PIÑA COLADA MIX?

YEAH, WE DO, HERB. THERE'S A FIVE-GALLON DRUM UNDER THE SINK.

HEY, SORRY I'M LATE. JUST GOT OFF THE AIR. HOW'D IT GO?

HEY, GUYS. WHAT'S HAPPENING, HERB?

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

UH, NOTHING SO FAR. UH, LISTEN. UH...

HE WANTS TO GO TO A PLACE CALLED THE KING KONG LOUNGE.

YOU GO AWAY FROM HERE. I'D LIKE TO.

ALL RIGHTY!

DIP. UH, NONE FOR ME, THANKS.

OH? HEY. DO YOU HAVE ANY CHIPS?

WHAT DO YOU WANT, THE WORLD? COME ON.

COME ON. ALL RIGHT. NOW, THE WAY I SEE IT,

WE ARE FIVE HEAVYWEIGHT BACHELORS ON THE MOVE, RIGHT?

WE'RE GONNA HAVE A COUPLE OF DRINKS HERE, EAT THE DIP,

AND THEN HIT THE SINGLES BARS.

THAT'S A REAL GOOD IDEA, HERB. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

WHY DON'T WE ALL SORT OF SIT DOWN HERE, RELAX FOR A SECOND.

HERE. PULL UP A CHAIR. ALL RIGHT.

PULL UP A CHAIR AND SIT RIGHT DOWN HERE, YOU BACHELOR, YOU.

WE'LL ALL SIT DOWN. WE'LL JUST SORT OF, UH... RAP.

RAP. GOOD WORD. YEAH.

[Cans Popping]

I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING, HERB. HMM?

BEING SINGLE STINKS.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO BACK TO LUCILLE TONIGHT?

PACK YOUR BAGS, TAKE YOUR HULA GIRL... WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

NOTHING. WE'RE JUST... RAPPIN'!

[Tapping Rhythmically]

IS THIS WHAT YOU GUYS, UH, USUALLY DO WHEN YOU GET TOGETHER?

YEP. YEAH.

IT'S SORT OF ON THE DULL SIDE, ISN'T IT? NO!

THIS IS ABOUT AS EXCITING AS IT GETS.

HEY, VENUS. YEAH?

I BET YOU JUST DON'T SIT AROUND LIKE THIS AND RAP.

NO, I WATCH A LOT OF TV. GO ON, GET OUT OF HERE!

YEAH, BUT SOMETIMES WHEN I'M REALLY FEELING CRAZY... KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YEAH. [Chuckles] YEAH. [Chuckles]

I GO OUT AND PICK UP A... OH.

CHILI DOG.

CHILI DOG?

WHAT DO YOU DO, LES? I READ.

WHAT DO YOU READ?

WELL, MY FAVORITE AUTHOR IS, UH, ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPÉRY.

YEAH, HE'S GOOD.

HOW ABOUT YOU, ANDY? WELL, I WORK, I GO HOME, LISTEN TO A LITTLE MUSIC,

AND THEN, UH, JUST GO TO SLEEP.

- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS? - WE'RE SINGLE.

LOOK, GUYS, THERE IS A WHOLE TOWN FULL OF CHICKS OUT THERE.

[Venus Chuckles] YEAH, IT'S HARD TO FIND ONE YOU LIKE.

HEY, WHAT'S LIKE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

ONE-NIGHT STANDS GET A LITTLE OLD AFTER A WHILE, HERB.

THIS IS NUTS.

AH, LISTEN, HERB. I MEAN, YOU'LL GET USED TO IT, YOU KNOW?

PRETTY SOON, UH, YOU JUST START TO LIVE WITHIN YOUR OWN MIND, YOU KNOW?

AND THEN GRADUALLY, ALMOST IMPERCEPTIBLY,

YOU, UH, FIND YOURSELF REALLY THINKING ABOUT POLITICS,

SELF-HYPNOSIS,

- HIGH FASHION. - NOW WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD ON JUST A SECOND.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TRYING TO PULL HERE? HEY, HERB, NOTHING.

YEAH, YEAH, YOU ARE TOO. YOU'RE TRYING TO GET ME...

TO BELIEVE THAT WE'RE NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME. HEY, MAN, I'M NOT TRYING...

- RIGHT, VENUS? - NO, WE'RE HAVIN' A BALL.

DAMN RIGHT WE ARE. GIVE ME SOME OF THAT DIP.

HEY, HERB. HMM?

WHAT SAY WE TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR SLIDES.

OH, MAN... NO, COME ON. I HEAR YOU'RE QUITE A PHOTOGRAPHER.

I AM. WELL, GOOD. LET'S GO. LET'S LOOK AT THE SLIDES.

ARE YOU CRAZY? I WOULD LIKE TO SEE HERB'S CAR.

MY CAR? YEAH. OKAY?

- OH. YEAH, SURE. - ALL RIGHT. GOOD. HERE.

LES, GRAB AHOLD OF THIS, WILL YOU, AND PLUG THAT IN. SURE.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT ABOUT THE SINGLES BAR?

WE'LL SEE THE SINGLES BAR AS SOON AS WE'VE LOOKED AT THE SLIDES.

COME ON, GRAB THIS. YOU READY? YEP.

OKAY.

SOMEBODY GET THE LIGHTS. YEP.

OKAY, HERE WE GO.

HEY! HEY, HEY, HEY.

WHAT'S THAT? THAT'S MY CAR.

THAT'S THE FRONT.

THERE'S THE BACK. I'VE SEEN THIS.

OH, HERE'S ONE WITH THE DOORS OPEN AND THE HOOD UP.

WHY WOULD ANYBODY TAKE A PICTURE LIKE THAT? SHH!

[Venus] HEY. NOW THIS IS A SHOT OF ME AT DISNEYLAND.

NOW THE OTHER GUY IS GOOFY, YOU KNOW.

IT'S NOT REALLY GOOFY.

IT'S NOT REALLY GOOFY. IT'S JUST SOME GUY IN A SUIT.

YOU MEAN THEY DON'T HAVE THE REAL GOOFY DOWN THERE?

[Venus] AW. NO.

AH.

NOW THIS IS A SHOT OF A KITCHENETTE IN A MOTEL IN WHICH WE STAYED.

I MEAN, YOU DON'T FIND TOO MANY KITCHENETTES IN THESE PLACES,

SO I THOUGHT IT'D MAKE A PRETTY GOOD SHOT. THAT'S REALLY NICE.

IS THAT WOOD? FORMICA.

AHA.

[Slides Clicking] AH.

AW. CUTE. [Men Laughing]

THAT'S MY DAUGHTER, BUNNY. [Les] SHE'S CUTE.

YEAH, REAL CUTE. [Johnny] SHE SURE IS.

[Slides Clicking]

[Men Laughing] LUCILLE, HERBERT JR. AND...

OH, THERE'S MY CAR AGAIN IN THE BACKGROUND.

I'LL BE DARNED. HERB JR. WEARS WHITE SHOES TOO.

SURE. I MEAN, HE LIKES TO DRESS LIKE ME, YOU KNOW?

I'M, UH... I'M KIND OF HIS HERO.

[Les] NEXT SLIDE, HERB.

UM... LOOK, WHY DON'T WE JUST GO ON OUT...

NO, NO, NO, NO.

WE'LL GO IN A MINUTE. COME ON. SLIDES.

THIS IS FUN.

ALL RIGHT. [Slides Clicking]

[Laughing]

THERE THOSE LITTLE DICKENS ARE... BOTH OF THEM IN OUR POOL.

NICE POOL. YEAH. YOU KNOW IT TAKES...

ABOUT 30 MINUTES TO BLOW ONE OF THOSE THINGS UP?

BUT IT'S WORTH IT. IT'S WORTH EVERY MINUTE OF IT.

GEE. HERB AND BUNNY HAVE GROWN QUITE A BIT SINCE THEN.

- [Slides Clicking] - AW!

NICE FAMILY, HUH? YEAH.

THAT'S LUCILLE AND MY BIRTHDAY CAKE.

[Johnny] THE PARTY DOLL. YEAH.

SEE, RIGHT ON TOP IT SAYS THERE, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BIG HERB."

MY SON AND I HAVE THE SAME NAME, SO I'M BIG HERB, AND HE'S LITTLE HERB.

[Chuckles]

THAT'S IT! OKAY, LET'S GO!

HEY, COME ON, HERB. I'M-I'M LIKING THESE SLIDES.

NO, MAN, NO. I'M, UH... THAT'S, UH... THAT'S IT.

I, UH... I'M GONNA JUST GIVE THEM TO LUCILLE ANYWAY.

SHOW THE NEXT SLIDE, HERB. NO, NO, THAT'S IT. NO.

COME ON! NO! PLEASE.

LIGHTS.

NO. NO LIGHTS.

JUST FOR A SECOND, OKAY?

SURE, HERB.

I, UH... [Chuckles]

TRIED TO CALL LUCILLE TONIGHT.

SHE WASN'T HOME.

PROBABLY OUT HAVING A GOOD TIME.

IT'S REALLY STRANGE... I MEAN,

LUCILLE NOT BEING HOME.

SHE'S...

[Chuckles] SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN THERE BEFORE, YOU KNOW?

I KNOW WHERE SHE IS, HERB.

YOU DO? YEP. SURE DO.

BUT THERE MUST BE MANY THINGS...

MANY, MANY THINGS... THAT YOU FIND WONDERFUL ABOUT HERB.

OH, NONE THAT I CAN THINK OF.

EXCUSE ME, LADIES. YES?

THIS IS COURTESY OF THE GENTLEMAN AT THE FIRST TABLE.

FINE. OH, WHAT A NICE GESTURE.

WE SHOULD GO RIGHT OVER AND THANK HIM. NO, LET'S NOT.

OH, WELL, I'LL JUST WAVE. NO, NO, NO. DON'T WAVE. THEY'LL COME OVER.

OH! WOULDN'T THAT BE EXCITING? [Chuckles]

LUCILLE, TELL ME...

HASN'T IT BEEN PRETTY LONELY WITHOUT HERB?

WELL, YOU KNOW, I HARDLY NOTICE HE'S GONE.

YOU SEE, I HAVE THIS POTTERY CLASS.

I MAKE, UH, LITTLE ASHTRAYS...

THAT LOOK LIKE THEY WERE DONE BY TINY CHILDREN.

REX SAYS THAT THEY'RE VERY PRIMITIVE.

- WHO'S REX? - HE'S MY INSTRUCTOR.

SOMETIMES REX TAKES OFF HIS SHIRT WHILE HE'S FIRING UP HIS KILN.

[Laughs]

THESE ARE FROM THE GENTLEMAN AT THE END OF THE BAR.

OH! WELL, BLESS HIS LITTLE HEART.

YOO-HOO! UH-HUH! OH, UH, LUCILLE, LUCILLE. PLEASE. PLEASE.

OH. WELL, TO GET BACK TO THE SUBJECT,

REX SAYS THAT I'M A REGULAR LITTLE POTTING FOOL, AND THAT I HAVE...

LET'S FORGET ABOUT REX. LET'S TALK ABOUT HERB.

- YOU LIKE HERB, DON'T YOU? - OH, LUCILLE.

JENNIFER, IT'S ALL RIGHT. I UNDERSTAND.

HERB HAPPENS TO BE A VERY SEXY MAN.

SHORT MAN IN HAT.

NOW, JENNIFER, LET'S JUST BE HONEST WITH ONE ANOTHER.

I KNOW THAT THERE IS SOMETHING GOING ON BETWEEN YOU AND HERB.

THERE'S NOT!

UH...

I'M SORRY. [Laughs] I'M JUST A LITTLE UPSET.

WE'RE ALL A LITTLE UPSET.

WE LOVE YOU, LUCILLE. OH.

WE LOVE HERB. AND WE WANT EVERYTHING TO BE JUST THE WAY IT WAS BEFORE.

EVERYTHING. IT'LL NEVER BE THE SAME.

WHY NOT?

I'M SORRY.

WELL, JENNIFER, YOU SEE,

HERB SAYS THAT I'M A WONDERFUL HOMEMAKER...

AND A WONDERFUL MOTHER, WONDERFUL COOK.

BUT I DON'T THINK THAT HE THINKS ABOUT ME,

YOU KNOW, AS A WOMAN.

JUST A WOMAN... A FRIEND.

BALD MAN WITH SCAR.

BLIND GENTLEMAN. WOMAN DRESSED AS MAN.

AND GUY WHO SAYS HE'S BIG HERB.

HI, GORGEOUS.

HI, HERB. HI, HERB.

SORRY.

LUCILLE, I... I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.

LUCILLE, I'VE DECIDED TO COME BACK TO YOU.

OH. WELL,

BEFORE YOU DO ME THIS GREAT FAVOR, HERB,

UM, I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING YOU OUGHT TO KNOW.

WHAT?

I'VE BEEN UNFAITHFUL TO YOU.

CHECK!

YOU WHAT? WELL, HAVEN'T YOU BEEN UNFAITHFUL TO ME?

NO! NEVER! I MEAN, I SWEAR.

NEVER TELL THAT TO ANYONE.

HOW? I MEAN... I MEAN... I MEAN, WHY? WELL, NOT IN BODY.

BUT IN SPIRIT.

OH. [Sighs] THANK GOD.

I HAD IMPURE THOUGHTS AT THE KILN.

GOOD FOR YOU. [Laughs]

LOOK, LUCILLE, CAN'T WE JUST GO HOME AND TALK THINGS OVER?

WELL, I WAS PLANNING ON DINING OUT THIS EVENING, HERB.

YEAH? WHO WITH?

OH, SOMEBODY. I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW HIM.

WE WERE TO DINE AND THEN PERHAPS GO DANCING.

LUCILLE, I CAN DO ALL THOSE THINGS. WELL, I DON'T KNOW, HERB.

LOOK, I CAN DANCE. AND I CAN EAT. YOU'VE SEEN ME EAT.

I WOULD JUST APPRECIATE YOUR ATTENTION, HERB.

YOU'VE GOT IT.

I WOULD LIKE IT TO BE LIKE WE WERE DATING AGAIN.

YEAH. EXCEPT AT THE END OF THE EVENING, WE CAN...

WELL, WE'LL SEE. WE'LL SEE.

[Chuckles] WOW.

WELL, I'D BETTER CALL REX AND TELL HIM TO KEEP HIS SHIRT ON.

COME ALONG, HERB.

LITTLE GUY WITH BOW TIE, TALL BLACK MAN,

COWBOY AND LONGSHOREMAN.

[Chuckles] AH.

♪♪ [Piano]

HI, GUYS.

UH, WHAT'S YOUR SIGN?

YOU LIVE AROUND HERE, MAMA? [Laughs]

LOOKIN' FOR A LITTLE ACTION, SUGAR? [Laughs]

WELL, LES, DON'T YOU HAVE AN OPENING LINE?

HI. I'M EXTREMELY WEALTHY.

♪♪ [Rock]

♪♪ [Man Singing, Indistinct]

♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Ends]

[Mews]