Original subtitles

♪♪

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY. SURF'S UP,

AND IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY HERE IN CINCINNATI.

THAT'S RIGHT, BABIES. WE GOT A BLISTERING 14 DEGREES OUTSIDE.

AND THERE IS A GENTLE WIND WAFTING DOWN FROM THE NORTH...

AT ABOUT 1,000 MILES AN HOUR.

ALL RIGHT, NOW IT'S TIME TO STRAP 'EM ON, BABIES.

HERE WE GO. IT'S DR. FEVER'S SEASONAL CINCINNATI SNOWSHOE SHUFFLE STOMP.

YOU READY? EVERYBODY DANCE! I CAN FEEL THE EXCITEMENT ALREADY!

♪♪

NO TIME FOR PLEASANTRIES, JOHNNY. WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY HERE.

I HAVE TO INTERRUPT YOUR PROGRAM. WH-WH-WHAT...

♪♪

SMOOTH, LES.

WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR A SPECIAL NEWS BULLETIN.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR. THIS IS LES NESSMAN WITH A SPECIAL NEWS BULLETIN...

FOR WHICH WE HAVE INTERRUPTED OUR REGULARLY-SCHEDULED PROGRAM.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR. THAT PROGRAM WILL RETURN...

TO THE AIRWAVES FOLLOWING THIS SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT.

ONE, TWO, THREE... AND NOW, HERE'S THE ANNOUNCEMENT.

TODAY IN CINCINNATI, IT IS SNOWING.

R.F. "SKIPPY" NELSON, CHIEF MAINTENANCE SUPERVISOR...

FOR THE DEPARTMENT OF STREETS AND HIGHWAYS...

IN AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH THIS REPORTER,

DESCRIBED THE SCENE AS, AND I QUOTE,

"A REAL MESS, LES."

END QUOTE.

THIS STATION IS ADVISING EVERYONE WITHIN A 400-MILE RADIUS OF MY VOICE...

TO DRESS WARMLY DURING THIS UNEXPECTED VISIT FROM JACK FROST.

THIS HAS BEEN LES NESSMAN REPORTING.

WE RETURN YOU NOW TO OUR REGULARLY-SCHEDULED PROGRAM.

♪♪

♪♪ VERY PROFESSIONAL, LES.

THANK YOU, JOHNNY.

I MIGHT HAVE TO INTERRUPT YOUR PROGRAM AGAIN.

THE WHOLE WORLD'S WAITING FOR WORD ON THIS, RIGHT?

I'VE GOTTA STAY ON TOP OF THIS.

GOOD GOD, MAN! YOU'RE NOT GOING OUT THERE AGAIN?

IF I HAVE TO, I WILL. IN THE MEANTIME,

I'LL BE AT THE WINDOW, WATCHING CAREFULLY.

♪♪

LES?

- YOU STARTLED ME. - I'M SORRY. WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

IT'S A WEATHER WATCH. I HAVE AN UPDATE AT THE TOP OF THE HOUR.

OH, WELL, YOU BETTER GET A MOVE ON THEN.

YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S NOT AS EASY AS IT LOOKS, ANDY.

OH, I KNOW, LES. WEATHER'S TOUGH.

YEAH.

♪ IT'S A LOVELY DAY TODAY ♪

♪ SO WHATEVER YOU'VE GOT TO DO ♪

♪ YOU GOT A LOVELY DAY TO DO IT IN ♪

♪ AND THAT'S TRUE ♪♪

MIND IF I COME IN?

NO, NOT AT ALL.

- MIND IF I SING? - DO YOU HAVE TO?

WHAT'S GOT YOU IN SUCH A JOVIAL MOOD TODAY?

OH, MAN, THE MOST AMAZING THING HAS HAPPENED.

HEY, YOU ENJOY, UH, POETIC JUSTICE, HUH? YEAH.

JUST AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY.

WITH AN OCCASIONAL BIT OF IRONY?

YOU GOT ME ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT. WHAT'S THE POINT?

- YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT. - I'LL DO MY VERY BEST.

REMEMBER HOW I GOT CANNED OUT IN L.A.? YEAH.

FOR SAYIN' "BOOGER" ON THE AIR? YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

WELL, GET THIS. THE TOP COMPETITOR OF THE GUY THAT FIRED ME...

WANTS TO HIRE ME... YOU GET IT?

YOU GOT A JOB OFFER? RIGHT!

IN L.A.? RIGHT AGAIN.

WELL, A-A-RE YOU GONNA TAKE IT?

HELL, YES, I'M GONNA TAKE IT. I MEAN, DON'T YOU SEE WHAT THIS MEANS?

IF IT'S A QUESTION OF MONEY, I'LL TALK TO CARLSON ABOUT THIS.

THE MONEY DON'T MEAN NOTHIN' TO ME, MAN.

YOU'RE TALKIN' TO A 40-YEAR-OLD MAN WHO LIVES LIKE A COLLEGE STUDENT.

I GOT TWO PAIRS OF SOCKS. I EAT OVER THE SINK.

IF IT'S NOT THE MONEY, THEN... NO, NO, MAN.

FOUR MONTHS AGO, I'M SLEEPIN' IN A VAN.

IT'S NOT MY VAN. I DON'T CARE.

GIVE ME CHANCE TO TALK TO CARLSON.

YOU JUST DON'T GET IT, DO YA, PAL?

LOOK, WHEN THAT CLOWN FIRED ME, I COULDN'T FIND WORK FOR MONTHS.

I MEAN, NOBODY IN THE BUSINESS WOULD ANSWER MY PHONE CALLS.

BUT NOW, I GOT A SHOT AT GOIN' BACK...

AND PROVIN' TO THEM THAT I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SACKED.

THE DOCTOR IS HOT, BABY. THE DOCTOR IS ON HIS WAY.

THE DOCTOR IS OPERATING. FORCEPS, NURSE.

MIND IF I LEAVE?

YES.

YES, I DO.

♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVING ON THE AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪

♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪

OH.

HI, HERB. HOW'S IT GOIN'?

- BIG GUY, WILL YOU TALK TO BAILEY? - OKAY.

- MORNING, BAILEY. - MR. CARLSON, HERB IS CRAZY.

YES.

GO ON.

HE NEVER GIVES ME A CHANCE... WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD ON.

NOW, NO OFFENSE, BAILEY,

BUT PART OF YOUR JOB AROUND HERE IS WRITING COMMERCIALS.

BUT YOU DON'T DO A VERY GOOD JOB.

HOW SO? ALL RIGHT.

DON'T GET UPSET. I KNOW YOU'RE A JOURNALISM SCHOOL GRADUATE,

BUT YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO PUT THE BITE IN THE OLD SALES MESSAGE.

FOR EXAMPLE? FOR EXAMPLE...

THIS COPY FROM THE NORTH MALL PET VILLAGE.

GET A LOAD OF THIS, BIG GUY.

"WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO COME HOME...

TO A CUDDLY, WARM, LITTLE COMPANION LIKE A COCKER SPANIEL?"

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? I LIKE IT.

BIG GUY, THEY'RE SELLIN' DOGS LEFT AND RIGHT DOWN THERE.

WHAT WE GOTTA DO IS MOVE THE MERCHANDISE THAT'S PILING UP IN THE BACK.

- I SEE. - FOR EXAMPLE, HERB.

FOR EXAMPLE, BAILEY, THIS IS THE WAY YOU WRITE ONE OF THESE THINGS.

"BIG SNAKE SALE.

"S-S-S-SAVE. S-S-S-SAVE.

"S-S-S-SAVE. PICK AND CHOOS-S-S-SE.

"MIX AND MATCH. EVERYTHING'S-S-S-S MARKED DOWN.

"THESE MARVELOUS PETS-S-S-S ARE QUIET AND HARD-TO-FIND.

"RID YOUR HOME OF PESKY RODENTS-S-S-S...

"AND UNWANTED BABY CHICKS-S-S-S-S.

S-S-S-S-STARTLE YOUR FRIENDS-S-S TODAY."

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD, HERB. BUT OVERALL, I LIKE BAILEY'S COPY BETTER.

WELL, THAT'S NOT WHAT SELLS.

LET'S FACE LIFE AS IT IS, OKAY?

MR. CARLSON, WE HAVE GOT BIG TROUBLE. UH-OH.

MOTHER'S ON HER WAY. LOOK, HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

I'LL DISAVOW ALL KNOWLEDGE. YOU DO MOST OF THE TALKING.

WHEN SHE WALKS... MR. CARLSON, IT IS NOT MAMA. IT IS WORSE THAN MAMA.

WORSE? WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN MAMA?

UH, LOOK, UH, BAILEY, HERB, COULD YOU EXCUSE US, PLEASE?

SURE, ANDY.

THINGS JUST KEEP GETTING STRANGER AND STRANGER, DON'T THEY?

COME ON, TRAVIS. WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

IT'S JOHNNY. HE'S GOT A JOB OFFER.

JOHNNY? YEP, AND IT IS A GOOD ONE.

- IN RADIO? - YES.

WHERE? L.A.

- WHAT ARE WE PAYING HIM NOW? - 17.5.

17.5, HUH? YOU THINK THEY CAN TOP THAT OUT THERE?

MM-HMM. I THINK THEY PROBABLY COULD, YES.

ALL RIGHT, THEN WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO SWEETEN THE POT A LITTLE BIT, THAT'S ALL.

YOU GO TO HIM WITH AN OFFER OF 19.

YOU FEEL HIM OUT. IF HE GETS ROUGH, WE'LL GO TO 19.1.

TWO?

ALL RIGHT, THREE. AND IF HE DEMANDS A PARKING SPOT, WE'LL GIVE HIM NESSMAN'S.

I MEAN, THESE THINGS ARE NEGOTIABLE. MR. CARLSON,

THAT AIN'T GONNA CUT IT. WHY NOT?

BECAUSE IT'S NOT A QUESTION OF MONEY. IT'S PRIDE.

PRIDE? WELL, THEN YOU JUST TELL HIM...

WE'RE ALL VERY PROUD OF HIM, OFFER HIM 18.

DO YOU DUDES KNOW ABOUT JOHNNY?

YEAH, WE WERE JUST HAVIN' A DUDE'S CONFERENCE OVER THAT VERY SUBJECT.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA LET HIM WALK OUT OF HERE, ARE YOU?

ONE OF THE REASONS I CAME TO THIS STATION WAS TO WORK WITH THE DOCTOR.

I KNOW THAT, VENUS. OKAY, LOOK. I'M GONNA...

I'M GONNA TALK WITH HIM SOME MORE. MR. CARLSON'S GONNA OFFER HIM A PAY RAISE.

BUT, UH, I'M NOT SO SURE THAT'S GONNA WORK.

WELL, THERE'S ONLY ONE THING LEFT TO DO.

THE DOCTOR'S OUR FRIEND. LET'S TRICK HIM INTO STAYING.

- HEY, NO, MAN. - WELL, WHY NOT?

BECAUSE IF WE'RE GOOD GUYS AT ALL, WE'D BE HAPPY FOR JOHNNY.

HE HAS WAITED FIVE YEARS TO GET THE CHANCE TO GET BACK ON TOP.

YEAH. YEAH, I GUESS SO.

HEY.

YOU, UH, MIND IF I COME IN?

NOT AT ALL, DOCTOR.

I GUESS YOU HEARD, HUH? YEAH. YEAH.

I WONDER IF I COULD ASK A FAVOR OF YOU GUYS?

OH, YEAH, SURE. ANYTHING.

I JUST TALKED TO L.A. ON THE PHONE AGAIN.

AND-AND THEY NEED ME SOONER. SO I WONDER IF I COULD LEAVE WITH ONE WEEK'S NOTICE.

UH... WELL... YEAH, OKAY.

I, UH... I GUESS I COULD GO OUT AND PLAY IN THE SNOW.

THE LAST TIME I'LL EVER SEE THAT JUNK.

YOU MIND IF I LEAVE?

WHAT DO YOU GOT IN MIND? OKAY, HERE'S THE PLAN.

I'LL TAKE NOTES.

- BYE. - YOU GOING HOME, JOHNNY?

YEAH, IT'S, UH, NOON. IT'S ALMOST PAST MY BEDTIME.

- SLEEP TIGHT. - YEAH.

OH, UH, BY THE WAY, I HAVEN'T CONGRATULATED YOU YET ON YOUR BIG JOB.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I GUESS YOU'LL PROBABLY GO OUT THERE...

AND BECOME A BIG PERSONALITY AND FORGET ALL OF US.

NOT... ALL OF YOU.

SEE YOU TOMORROW. YEAH. SO LONG.

SO LONG. SO LONG.

BYE. BYE.

BYE.

LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHTENED OUT RIGHT NOW.

HEY, EVERYBODY. MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE?

EXCUSE ME.

HEY, EVERYBODY... JENNIFER?

THANK YOU, EVERYBODY. UH, I THINK WE'VE COME UP...

WITH A WAY TO KEEP JOHNNY FROM GOING TO LOS ANGELES.

WHY?

SO, YOU ALWAYS START WITH AN AMUSING STORY.

ONCE YOU'VE GOT THE AUDIENCE LAUGHING, THEY'RE PUTTY IN YOUR HANDS.

RIGHT. NOW, WHERE ARE YOUR THREE-BY-FIVE CARDS?

WELL, I DON'T HAVE ANY. YOU DON'T HAVE ANY?

NO, LES, I DIDN'T THINK THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BRING...

THERE I WAS, YOU SEE, AT GUADALCANAL.

OR, UH, MAYBE IT WAS MINANOWA.

I DON'T KNOW, BUT THE JAPANESE WERE ALL OVER THE PLACE.

WERE YOU ON VACATION?

WE BETTER GET GOIN' BEFORE WE LOSE THE BIG GUY, HUH?

I THINK WE MIGHT HAVE LOST HIM ALREADY. YEAH.

AND THE CHEESE PUFF WAS JUST SCRUMPTIOUS.

HONEST, ANDY, I THOUGHT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BRING OUR WIVES.

IT'S OKAY, HERB.

JOHN, I THOUGHT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BRING WIVES.

IT'S OKAY, HERB. SO, YOU'RE OFF TO SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA?

YEAH. UH, IS THAT A REAL BUTTER PATTY THERE?

I DON'T KNOW. UH, WHY DON'T YOU EAT ONE? OH!

EXCUSE ME.

UM, YOU ALL KNOW WHY WE'RE HERE...

TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO OUR DEAR FRIEND, DR. JOHNNY FEVER.

AND WE ALL WANNA WISH HIM THE VERY BEST AT HIS NEW STATION.

SO, TO GET THIS TESTIMONIAL STARTED, I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE...

THE GUY WHO REALLY HOLDS WKRP TOGETHER.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

EXCUSE ME.

NICE MAN, THAT HERB.

THERE ARE, UH, ONE OR TWO THINGS...

I THINK NEED TO BE SAID HERE, AS I SEE IT.

FIRST OF ALL, JOHNNY,

I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT WE'RE DARN PROUD OF YOU...

FOR LANDING THAT BIG FISH... OF SUCCESS.

NOW, THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE OUT THERE IN CALIFORNIA...

GONNA TELL YOU THAT FISHING IN CALIFORNIA IS BETTER THAN IT IS IN CINCINNATI.

I GOT ONE THING TO SAY ABOUT THAT.

YOU GOTTA GO "FREEP DEA SISHING" OUT THERE.

UH, UH, WHATEVER IT IS. THEY PUT YOU IN THOSE LITTLE BOATS,

AND THEY DRAG YOU OFF THE COAST OUT THERE, AND THEY SET YOU IN A HOT SUMMER SUN.

YOU GET WET AND STICKY, AND IT'S A SMELLY BAIT AND...

IT'S TERRIBLE. GIVE ME A ROD AND A REEL AND THE OLD OHIO...

OR A NEARBY LAKE, AND I'M A HAPPY MAN.

I'LL BE A SON OF A GUN.

DO YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS THE VERY ROOM...

IN WHICH THE ROTARIANS PRESENTED ME...

WITH THE ROTARIAN OF THE WEEK AWARD?

I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT LUNCHEON AS LONG AS I LIVE.

THAT WAS SOME LUNCHEON.

THAT WAS SOME LUNCHEON. I'LL TELL YA.

IT'S ONE FOR THE MEMORY BOOKS.

WELL, WE'RE OFF TO AN ELECTRIFYING START.

SO, UH, NOW LET'S HAVE ONE OF THE HIGH SPOTS OF THE EVENING.

OUR OWN LES NESSMAN, AS YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW,

WAS A PAST PRESIDENT OF...

THE CINCINNATI CHAPTER OF THE SPEECHMAKERS CLUB OF AMERICA.

OH!

AND AS SUCH, TRAVELED UP AND DOWN THE OHIO VALLEY,

SPEAKING TO ANYONE THAT WOULD LISTEN.

SO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, OUR OWN TOASTMASTER GENERAL, MR. LES NESSMAN!

GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE.

I HAVE SET ASIDE MY USUAL SPEECH,

"THE RED MENACE IN OUR OWN BACKYARD,"

IN ORDER TO PAY TRIBUTE TO DR. JOHN FEVER,

WHICH BRINGS TO MIND AN AMUSING STORY...

- OKAY, WHO WANTS STRAWBERRY TARTS? - OVER HERE. OVER HERE. UH-HUH.

AS I WAS SAYING, IT HAS BEEN MY PLEASURE...

THEY'RE REAL LITTLE, HONEY. OH...

WE DON'T CARE. I SHALL CONTINUE.

TART? LEAVE ME ALONE!

SUIT YOURSELF.

NOW, YOU MAY BE ASKING YOURSELF, "HOW CAN I,

"AN OHIO FARMER, AFFECT POLICY IN PEKING?

I'M ONLY ONE MAN."

THIS IS THE WRONG SPEECH.

LES... M-MY CARDS ARE ALL MIXED UP. IT'S BAILEY'S FAULT.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST WING IT? WING IT?

YEAH. WE NEVER WING IT, VENUS.

THAT'S SPEECHMAKERS RULE NUMBER ONE. "ALWAYS COME PREPARED."

OKAY. WE'RE REALLY ROLLING NOW, AREN'T WE, FOLKS?

AND NOW, LET'S HAVE A WORD FROM THAT PERSON WHO DID SO MUCH...

IN HELPING US PLAN THIS BANQUET, MISS BAILEY QUARTERS.

UM, I... I JUST WANTED TO SAY, UM, THANKS, JOHNNY.

WHEN I FIRST CAME TO WKRP, I, UH...

I DIDN'T KNOW A THING ABOUT A RADIO STATION.

AND I GUESS I WAS JUST A LITTLE SHY BACK THEN.

BUT YOU TOOK THE TIME TO SHOW ME THE ROPES, AND...

AND YOU GAVE ME THE KIND OF CONFIDENCE I NEEDED.

YOU'RE A REAL FRIEND, JOHNNY,

AND I WISH YOU WOULDN'T GO.

WHEN I THINK OF WKRP, I...

WELL, I ALWAYS THINK OF YOU.

I GUESS I ALWAYS WILL.

IS IT WORKIN'? IS HE GONNA STAY?

NEXT, LET'S HAVE A WORD FROM THE WORLD'S GREATEST SALES MANAGER,

HERB TARLEK!

I'D, UH, LIKE TO BEGIN BY SAYING THAT, UH,

I THOUGHT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BRING OUR WIVES.

I MEAN, UH, IF I'D HAVE KNOW NONE OF YOU WERE BRINGING YOUR WIVES,

I WOULDN'T HAVE BROUGHT MINE.

I WENT TO A COSTUME PARTY ONCE.

BUT IT WASN'T.

EVERYBODY ELSE WAS IN REGULAR CLOTHES, AND I WAS IN THE RABBIT SUIT.

ANYWAY, JOHN, YOU'RE REALLY GREAT.

WE'RE GONNA MISS YOU. OH, PLEASE DON'T GO.

HOW'S THAT? GREAT, HERB. REAL FINE.

WELL, UH, WE'VE BEEN KINDA SAVIN' THE BEST TILL NOW, JOHNNY.

HERE'S THE ONE PERSON NO MAN IN HIS RIGHT MIND COULD SAY GOOD-BYE TO,

JENNIFER MARLOWE.

IN MANY WAYS, I THINK I'M GOING TO...

MISS JOHNNY MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THIS ROOM.

YOU SEE, I TOO...

I TOO HAVE... OH, I GUESS WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL MY OWN...

PRIVATE ROMANTIC FANTASIES.

I KNOW THIS...

THIS REALLY ISN'T THE TIME OR PLACE TO TALK ABOUT IT,

OUT HERE IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE,

BUT LET ME SAY THIS...

I'M REALLY GOING TO MISS YOU, JOHNNY.

OH, YEAH! UH...

UH... AND, UH, FINALLY,

A WORD FROM ANDY. AH.

THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT, JOHNNY,

I THINK YOU KNOW WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE.

AND IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING THAT WE ALL WISH YOU THE VERY BEST.

WHEN YOU LEAVE TOMORROW MORNING, YOU TAKE OUR AFFECTION WITH YOU.

IT'S, UH... WELL, IT'S GONNA BE A SAD...

IT'S GONNA BE... HELL, I CAN'T DO THIS.

JOHNNY, THIS WHOLE SHINDIG IS A COMPETE SHAM.

WE DON'T WANNA WISH YOU GOOD LUCK IN YOUR JOB.

WE WANNA TRY AND TRICK YOU INTO STAYIN', AND I THINK IT MIGHT'VE WORKED.

WE LIED TO YOU, MY FRIEND.

BUT, UH... WELL, MAN, FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH,

WE DID IT OUT OF LOVE.

JOHNNY, MY MAN, UH, THIS SCAM WAS MY IDEA, AND I'M SORRY.

UH, SO INSTEAD OF READING THIS SPEECH I HAVE HERE,

LET ME JUST SAY THAT WE REALLY DON'T WANT YOU TO LEAVE.

BUT WE KNOW THAT IT'S BEST THAT YOU LEAVE. IT'S A GOOD OFFER.

AND WE WISH YOU THE BEST.

BUT I'D ALSO LIKE TO SAY THAT I GUESS WE DO FEEL KIND OF ASHAMED HERE.

I KNOW THAT'S KIND OF THE WAY I FEEL RIGHT NOW.

HEY, LOOK, DON'T FEEL THAT WAY, OKAY?

I MEAN, UH, IT'S A GREAT PARTY, YOU KNOW. IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE ANYBODY WENT TO THIS MUCH TROUBLE...

TO LIE TO ME.

AND, UH, I DON'T KNOW. AS A MATTER OF FACT,

I... I THINK THAT I OWE ALL OF YOU AN APOLOGY.

I... I JUST BEEN THINKIN' ABOUT MYSELF, AND I...

I FORGOT HOW MUCH EACH ONE OF YOU MEANS TO ME, AND...

I JUST WANNA SAY THAT...

I'M MORE THAN A LITTLE MOVED HERE.

I'M... I'M WITH MY FRIENDS.

HAVE FUN.

IT WORKED!

YOU WERE GREAT.

WELL... WELL, IS THE GUEST OF HONOR LEAVING...

BEFORE HE HAS HIS DESSERT?

I DON'T THINK WE LOST THE GUEST OF HONOR AT ALL.

WE DID IT, MAN. WE DID IT. I THINK IT LOOKS THAT WAY.

HEY, EVERYBODY, I FOUND MY CARDS.

I FOUND MY SPEECH. OKAY.

LISTEN TO THIS.

WE ARE GATHERED HERE TONIGHT TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO ONE SWELL GUY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

- WELL? - ANDY, HE DIDN'T COME IN THIS MORNING.

- WELL, THE BACKUP MAN'S ON, RIGHT? - YEAH.

IS HE ON? HE DIDN'T SHOW UP.

OH, WELL, DON'T WORRY. I KNOW JOHNNY'S GONNA BE BACK.

HE'S BEEN LATE BEFORE, HASN'T HE?

OH. HEY, I THINK I SAW JOHNNY'S CAR IN THE LOT.

HE'S NOT HERE YET. DON'T WORRY. HE'LL BE IN.

YOU SAW THAT LOOK ON HIS FACE LAST NIGHT.

THAT'S RIGHT. IT WAS A BIG NIGHT LAST NIGHT,

AND HE KNEW WE WERE GONNA HAVE A SUBSTITUTE DEEJAY ON THIS MORNING.

HE JUST SLEPT A LITTLE LATE. DID YOU CALL HIS APARTMENT?

- NO ANSWER. - HE'S GONNA BE RIGHT THROUGH THAT DOOR ANY MINUTE.

NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. RIGHT, ANDY? YOU'RE RIGHT, HERB.

HE'S GONNA WALK THROUGH THAT DOOR RIGHT ABOUT...

NOW!

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