Original subtitles

WHAT'S THE BIG NEWS STORY OF THE DAY, LES?

BILLY CARTER THREW UP ON PRINCE CIANOOK.

THAT'S NEWS? NO.

BUT THIS IS. WHAT IS IT?

A SPECIAL REPORT ON CIVIL DEFENSE.

AH, NOBODY CARES ABOUT THAT JUNK.

HERB, I'VE ASKED YOU A THOUSAND TIMES TO USE THE DOOR.

THIS IS NUTS. TILL MR. CARLSON GETS ME MY PRIVATE OFFICE,

THOSE YELLOW LINES ARE WALLS.

ALL RIGHT. OKAY, FINE.

WHAT DO YOU GOT HERE?

"WHAT TO DO IN CASE OF AN ENEMY ATTACK IN CINCINNATI." RIGHT.

WHO'S GONNA ATTACK US, DAYTON? MAYBE.

WELL, IF THEY COME DOWN HERE, WE'LL KICK THEIR BUTTS.

YOU MAY NOT REALIZE THIS, HERB, BUT CIVIL DEFENSE IN THIS COUNTRY HAS BECOME A JOKE.

YEAH.

AT THE VERY TIME THE GODLESS COMMUNISTS HAVE CREATED A WAR ARSENAL...

OF INDETERMINATE DOOM AND DESTRUCTION.

OH. YOU SURE ARE FUN TO HANG AROUND WITH, LES.

WELL, SOMEBODY'S GOTTA THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS, HERB.

PEOPLE ARE SO CONCERNED WITH THEIR OWN LIVES,

THEIR OWN DAY-TO-DAY AFFAIRS, THEIR OWN PETTY INTERESTS,

THEY NEVER TAKE TIME TO THINK ABOUT THE REALLY IMPORTANT THINGS.

YOU SEE WHAT I'M GETTING AT?

OH. SORRY, LES. I WASN'T LISTENING.

HERB, DO YOU REALIZE THAT BECAUSE OF SOME PETTY THIEVES IN THIS BUILDING,

SOMEBODY'S LOCKED THE DOOR TO THE STAIRWELL?

HOLY COW.

WELL, THOSE STAIRS ARE IMPORTANT, HERB.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY?

TAKE THE ELEVATOR.

NOBODY CARES. NOBODY IS PREPARED.

MORNING, HERB, LES. GOOD MORNING, BIG GUY.

OH, MR. CARLSON, I'VE GOT SOMETHING YOU'LL BE INTERESTED IN.

I'VE JUST COMPLETED A DETAILED PLAN OF "WHAT TO DO IN CASE OF AN ENEMY ATTACK."

YEAH, FINE. UH...

GENTLEMEN, UH, THIS MORNING I'M EXPECTING A GROUP OF JAPANESE RADIO EXECUTIVES...

TO TAKE A TOUR OF OUR STATION.

MORE RUBBERNECKERS?

AH, COME ON, HERB. I'M EXPECTING YOU GUYS TO BE ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR.

JAPANESE, EH?

LES, THE JAPANESE ARE OUR ALLIES NOW.

I MEAN, AS NEWS DIRECTOR, I KIND OF EXPECT YOU TO PICK UP ON LITTLE THINGS LIKE THAT.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, BIG GUY.

I KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THESE FOREIGNERS.

OUR MAID'S A KRAUT.

I'M GOING DOWNSTAIRS TO SEE THE BUILDING SUPERINTENDENT ABOUT THAT LOCKED STAIRWELL.

WELL, IF HE GIVES YOU ANY TROUBLE, LES, PUNCH HIM OUT.

HEY, LES! YOUR DUMB MACHINE'S BROKEN!

I GOTTA FIX EVERYTHING MYSELF.

THE MACHINE'S WORTHLESS.

♪♪

♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVING ON THE AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪

♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪

LOOK, WE'LL JUST GO OUT TOGETHER. WRONG.

IT'LL BE NICE. WE CAN LEAVE RIGHT AFTER WORK. WRONG. WRONG.

AND I WON'T EVEN TOUCH YOU. RIGHT.

YEAH.

JENNIFER, WHAT TIME YOU GOT?

9:35 A.M.

YEAH. BOY, IT SURE IS DARK OUTSIDE. THIS IS STRANGE WEATHER WE'RE HAVING.

I KNOW. I THINK WE'RE IN FOR A GOOD THUNDERSTORM.

OH, UH, HEY, LISTEN, ANDY. I'VE WRITTEN A

FEW WORDS OF WELCOME TO OUR JAPANESE GUESTS.

NOW HOW DOES THIS SOUND TO YOU?

"WE AT WKRP ARE HAPPY TO EXTEND OUR HANDS...

ACROSS THE BORDER TO GREET YOU."

- HUH? - VERY GOOD.

AW. SOMEBODY HELPED YOU WRITE THAT.

NO. UH-UH. HONEST.

WELL, THAT'S VERY NICE, MR. CARLSON. VERY NICE.

EXCEPT, YOU SEE, JAPAN IS NOT ACROSS THE

BORDER. IT'S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD.

OH, YEAH. WELL, IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, A ROUGH DRAFT.

YOU IRON OUT THE FACTS, BIG GUY, AND YOU GOT IT.

I MEAN, THE FEELING IS TERRIFIC.

YEAH? AW, THANKS, HERB. YEAH. SURELY.

GOTTA GIVE HIM ENCOURAGEMENT FROM TIME TO TIME.

YOU KNOW, BUILDS UP HIS CONFIDENCE.

YEAH, WE'D... WE'D BE LOST WITHOUT YOU, HERB. TELL ME ABOUT IT.

HELLO.

I AM MR. JOSE JORGE RODRIGUEZ, THE INTERPRETER.

HELLO. I'M JENNIFER ELIZABETH MARLOWE, THE RECEPTIONIST.

AND I'M, UH... I'M ANDY TRAVIS, THE PROGRAM DIRECTOR.

AH, SENORITA. IT IS A GREAT PLEASURE. OH.

WHAT ARE THEY SAYING? I DON'T KNOW.

I WAS HIRED TO TRANSLATE FOR A GROUP OF SPANISH-SPEAKING VISITORS.

IN MY OPINION, THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT SPANISH.

WATCH THIS.

TU MADRE...

SEE? IN MY COUNTRY, THERE WOULD BE A FISTFIGHT.

I GUESS I'D BETTER CALL MR. CARLSON.

MR. CARLSON?

OUR JAPANESE GUESTS ARE HERE.

OUR STATION MANAGER WILL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.

EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.

IT'S VERY NICE TO HAVE YOU HERE.

WELL, IT IS.

MR. CARLSON, THIS IS MR. RODRIGUEZ, THE INTERPRETER.

WELL, HOW DO YOU DO, SIR? HELLO.

SEÑORES, THIS IS MR. CARLSON.

OH, YEAH. UH, GENTLEMEN,

IT'S OUR PLEASURE TO WELCOME YOU TO WKRP.

THEY DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH. WE... HMM?

NO ENGLISH. OH.

UH, WELL, M-MAYBE HE COULD INTERPRET.

SURE, SURE. SEÑORES...

WKRP.

IS THAT JAPANESE? SPANISH.

MAYBE YOU COULD FILL ME IN. THERE'S BEEN A MISTAKE.

UH-HUH. SOMEWHERE IN CINCINNATI...

A BUNCH OF CHIROPRACTORS FROM ECUADOR...

ARE BEING TAKEN AROUND BY AKIRA YAMAGUCHI.

PERHAPS WE SHOULD POSTPONE THIS. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

NOW-NOW WAIT-WAIT-WAIT A MINUTE.

I LEARNED A LITTLE JAPANESE WHEN I WAS IN THE MARINES.

UH, LET ME THINK ABOUT THIS. UH...

THE, UH... THE ACCENT MAY BE OFF, BUT, UH...

OH, BOY.

UH, G-G-G-GUYS, UH, HANDS DOWN.

H-HANDS DOWN. UH... UH... BR-BRING... BR-BRING THE HANDS DOWN, GUYS.

UH... H-HANDS... AH, THAT'S-THAT'S GREAT.

GENTLEMEN, UH... THAT'S YOU.

IT GIVES US A GREAT PLEASURE.

SEE? UH... PLEASURE?

FOR US... WE'RE-WE'RE US.

UH... UH, TO WELCOME YOU, UH, HERE.

UH, NO. IN-IN CINCINNATI, OHIO.

OHIO! OHIO!

- OH-OHIO? - OHIO! OHIO!

HEY, WHAT-WHAT-WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

I'M NO EXPERT, OF COURSE, BUT I THINK "HELLO" IN JAPANESE IS "OHIO."

OHIO! OHIO!

OHIO! OHIO! ♪♪

♪♪ GENTLEMEN, THIS IS A DISC JOCKEY.

A DISC JOCKEY.

"DISC-A" JOCKEY? RIGHT. YOU GOT IT. DISC JOCKEY.

DISC JOCKEY.

OOH. "DISC-A" JOCKEY. AH.

UH, I GUESS WE'VE SEEN ALL WE NEED TO SEE HERE IN THE BOOTH, GENTLEMEN.

UH, IF YOU'LL FOLLOW ME, UH...

SAYONARA, GUYS.

SAME HERE.

THERE YOU GUYS ARE. THOUGHT I LOST YOU THERE FOR A MINUTE.

ANYWAY, FELLAS, THIS IS THE HALL. THE HALL.

WHAT? HUH? WHAT DO YOU SEE OUT THERE? WHAT? WAIT. LET ME TAKE A LOOK.

PROBABLY THINKS HE SPOTS A FOTOMAT.

OH, OH. THAT'S A TORNADO. UH, CAN YOU SAY THAT?

A TORNADO. A TORNADO?

♪♪

♪♪

HEY, ANDY, SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH THE LIGHTS. THEY JUST FLICKERED.

WHERE IN THE HELL IS THE DISASTER FILE?

WHAT'S THE MATTER? TROUBLE WITH THE JAPANESE?

- JENNIFER, SEE IF YOU CAN FIND THE DISASTER FILE. WHERE'S LES? - DOWNSTAIRS.

OH, THAT'S JUST GREAT. BOY, YOU GUYS SURE GET RUFFLED EASILY.

WE'RE NOT AS COURAGEOUS AS YOU ARE, HERB.

YEAH. HERE. PICK A CARD.

I JUST CRAWLED OFF THE ELEVATOR. IT'S STUCK UNDERNEATH THIS FLOOR.

LES! THERE IS A TORNADO OUT THERE!

- TORNADO? - THAT'S RIGHT.

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!

ANDY, THERE CAN'T BE A TORNADO. I'M THE NEWS DIRECTOR. I'D KNOW ABOUT IT.

THERE'S THIS LITTLE BELL ON MY TELETYPE MACHINE THAT GOES OFF...

IT STOPPED. WHO UNPLUGGED MY MACHINE?

WE DON'T KNOW!

ALL RIGHT, HERB. GET UP FROM UNDERNEATH THERE. COME ON! GET UP!

LES! LES! GET 'EM UP! COME ON!

LES! WHERE IS THE EMERGENCY FILE? IN THE CABINET, I GUESS, ANDY.

WHERE IN THE CABINET, LES? TRY "APOCALYPSE."

BIGGEST NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR, AND I MISS IT?

COME ON OUT.

LES. I'M GONNA WANT YOU TO GO ON AIR.

WHAT FOR, ANDY? IT'S ALL OVER NOW.

ANDY. ANDY, WE CAN'T GET OFF THIS FLOOR.

YEAH, I KNOW THAT. WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

LISTEN, TAKE EVERYONE TO THE LOBBY. THAT'S THE SAFEST PLACE.

RIGHT, THE LOBBY. WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!

WHO SAID THAT? HERB. HERB!

COME ON OUT OF THERE! WHAT'RE YOU DOING UNDER THERE, HERB? GET OUT.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? GO TO THE LOBBY WITH MR. CARLSON.

WHAT'RE WE GONNA DO, BIG GUY? GO TO THE LOBBY!

WHAT? GO TO THE LOB... PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, HERB!

HEY.

I'M SORRY. I SAW THAT IN A WAR FILM.

UH, HI. UH...

ANDY, MAN, UH, I HAVE TO GO HOME NOW.

UH, MY SHIFT'S ALMOST OVER, AND I WANNA WATER MY PLANTS, OKAY?

- YEAH, OKAY. GOOD-BYE. - UH,

GOOD-BYE, EVERYONE, AND GOOD LUCK FOREVER.

HOLD-HOLD... WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I HAVE TO GET OUT, ANDY. I PUT ON A LONG RECORD. LET IT PLAY.

I NEED YOU. I NEED YOU ON THE AIR.

OKAY, LOOK. I'M GONNA TRY TO BE CALM AND TELL YOU SOMETHING, OKAY?

JOHNNY, WE'RE TRYING TO... AND YOU JUST TRY TO BE CALM AND LISTEN TO ME, HMM?

OKAY. OKAY.

UH, LOOK, MAN, I'VE BEEN IN JAIL IN MEXICO.

UH, MY FATHER CALLED ME "WHAT'S-HIS-FACE"...

FOR 17 HORRIFYING YEARS.

UH, MY SECOND WIFE TRIED TO KILL ME WITH A RONCO VEG-O-MATIC.

WE ARE VERY BUSY HERE.

MY MOTHER AND I WERE IN A TORNADO ONCE.

UH, WE WERE IN A MOBILE HOME.

AND, UH, I THINK GOD MUST REALLY HATE MOBILE HOMES, ANDY,

'CAUSE TORNADOES ALWAYS ATTACK THEM FIRST.

THEY GET VERY MOBILE. UH...

HOLD IT. HOLD. I UNDERSTAND. I-I DON'T...

NOW LISTEN TO ME. WE CAN'T GET OFF THE FLOOR. OH, GOOD.

THE ELEVATOR IS STUCK. STUCK. GOOD.

RIGHT. WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS GO TO THE LOBBY. GO TO THE LOBBY.

THAT'S THE SAFEST PLACE. IT'S THE SAFEST PLACE.

RIGHT. GO TO THE LOBBY.

I'LL GO TO THE LOBBY. IT'S THE SAFEST PLACE. RIGHT.

OKAY.

UH, LISTEN, JENNIFER, I-I'M NOT A COWARD.

I KNOW.

THE WALLS MOVED! THE WALLS MOVED!

JOHNNY, THE OTHER WAY!

OH, RIGHT.

I CAN'T FIND A DISASTER FILE.

ALL RIGHT, LOOK. GO HELP JOHNNY, ALL RIGHT? OKAY.

LES. LES.

LES, PLEASE, GO ON THE AIR.

WHAT FOR, ANDY? IT'S ALL OVER.

BIGGEST NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR, AND I MISS IT.

TORNADO'S GONE, AND I MISS IT.

LES! SOMETIMES THESE THINGS COME IN CLUSTERS. OH, SURE, SURE.

THIS MIGHT NOT BE OVER WITH YET, LES.

YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. LES, I'M NOT JUST SAYING THAT...

WHAT IS THAT? IT SOUNDS LIKE A TRAIN. MAYBE IT'S ANOTHER TWISTER.

UNDER YOUR DESK, LES. NO, LES, DON'T DO THAT! NO, LES!

OH, HOT DOG! WE'RE IN BUSINESS! GET AWAY FROM THE WINDOW!

OH, THIS IS NEWS!

DY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

ANDY, SPEAK TO ME. ANDY.

ANDY? ANDY, THAT TORNADO, IT CAME RIGHT PAST

THE BUILDING. WE GOTTA GET OUT. COME ON.

OH, NO. HE'S UNCONSCIOUS. HE WAS STANDING BESIDE THE WINDOW.

COME ON. LET'S GET HIM OUT OF HERE, AWAY FROM THAT WINDOW.

I GOT YA. GO AHEAD. GOT HIM. FINE. RIGHT OVER HERE. GOT HIM.

YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO MOVE AN INJURED PERSON.

SON OF A GUN, SHE'S RIGHT. RIGHT. LET'S GET HIM BACK.

ANYBODY KNOW... ANYBODY KNOW FIRST AID?

UH, YEAH. I-I TOOK THE ADVANCED COURSE, BIG GUY. OH, GREAT.

- WH-WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? - WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? YOU IDIOT.

THIS MAN NEEDS MOUTH-TO-MOUTH RESUSCITATION.

MOUTH-TO-MOUTH WITH ANOTHER GUY?

- HERB! - I LIKE ANDY AND ALL, BUT I DON'T THINK I SHOULD...

HERB, I'M ORDERING YOU TO GET THIS JOB DONE. HERE. JUST A MINUTE. I'LL DO IT.

- YOU KNOW MOUTH-TO-MOUTH? - I KNOW ALL SORTS OF THINGS.

GET THE FEELING THEY'VE DONE THIS BEFORE?

SHUT UP, HERB. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.

WE'VE ALL GOTTA PITCH IN.

WHY HIM?

WHY COULDN'T THAT BE ME?

UH, NOW WAIT-WAIT-WAIT A MINUTE. I THINK HE'S COMING AROUND.

ARE YOU OKAY, ANDY? YOU OKAY? S-S-SAY SOMETHING.

OH.

WHAT'D HE SAY? DON'T STOP.

I THINK HE'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT. COME ON. SIT UP. COME ON. COME ON. COME ON.

HUH? YOU OKAY, HUH? YOU OKAY?

I-I SAID ARE YOU OKAY? THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME.

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE...

ALL RIGHT. I'M IN CHARGE HERE NOW.

LES, YOU GET THAT EMERGENCY FILE AND YOU GET ON THE AIR RIGHT AWAY.

ALL RIGHT, MR. CARLSON, BUT WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM WITH THIS PLAN.

I DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS. I WANT YOU ON THE AIR NOW.

YES, SIR.

JENNIFER, I WANT YOU TO STAY HERE AND TAKE CARE OF ANDY.

RIGHT. 'CAUSE I'M GOING TO THE BRIDGE.

BRIDGE? UH, THE BOOTH.

I THINK THE BIG GUY SAID HE WAS FINE.

I-I THINK HE'S OKAY NOW.

WHAT THE DEVIL ARE YOU DOING? WHY AREN'T WE ON THE AIR?

I'M GONNA PLAY A RECORD, MR. CARLSON. WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR RECORDS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I TOLD YOU THERE WAS A PROBLEM WITH THIS PLAN.

WHAT PROBLEM? IT DOESN'T COVER TORNADOES.

IT'S FOR WHAT TO DO WHEN THE RUSSIANS ATTACK.

THE RUSSIANS? OR CHINESE.

LES, YOU TAKE THAT EMERGENCY FILE AND GET ON THE AIR.

AND WHEN YOU SEE THE WORD "RUSSIANS" YOU SUBSTITUTE THE WORD "TORNADO."

OOH. THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

THIS IS A SPECIAL EMERGENCY REPORT FROM WKRP IN CINCINNATI.

NOW HERE WITH THAT REPORT IS LES NESSMAN.

SOMEBODY ELSE IS SUPPOSED TO READ THAT LINE. JUST GET BACK ON THE AIR.

THE CITY OF CINCINNATI HAS JUST BEEN ATTACKED BY THE GODLESS TORNADOES.

CITIZENS ARE ADVISED TO ARM THEMSELVES IMMEDIATELY.

GIVE ME THAT THING. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THERE'S BEEN A REPORT OF TWO TORNADOES...

IN THE IMMEDIATE AREA AND THERE COULD BE OTHERS.

NOW, WE'RE ASKING YOU TO TAKE COVER... WHATEVER

COVER YOU CAN... AND AS SOON AS POSSIBLE,

EVEN IF YOU'RE LIVING IN AN AREA THAT SEEMS CLEAR AT THE PRESENT TIME.

STAY OUT OF THOSE STREETS SO THAT EMERGENCY VEHICLES AND THEIR STAFF CAN GET...

IF YOU SPOT AN ENEMY TORNADO IN YOUR AREA, PLEASE CALL US IMMEDIATELY.

OUR NUMBER IS 555-WKRP.

NOW, THIS IS THE BEST WAY FOR US TO KEEP ADVISED OF ANY ENEMY TORNADO MOVEMENTS.

THAT'S GREAT, LES. NOW THAT NUMBER TO CALL ONCE AGAIN.

NOW I'M GOING READ YOU A LIST OF HOSPITALS AND EMERGENCY... GET THAT PHONE, PLEASE.

LISTEN CLOSELY. GENERAL HOSPITAL ON THE UNIVERSITY CAMPUS. UH, HELLO. WKRP.

PLEASE, CALM-CALM DOWN. CALM DOWN. WHERE DID YOU SEE THE FUNNEL CLOUD?

WHAT DIRECTION DO YOU THINK IT WAS HEADING? CHRIST HOSPITAL IN MT. AUBURN.

- GOT IT. FINE. THANKS A LOT. - GOOD SAMARITAN HOSPITAL NEAR THE UNIVERSITY OF CINCINNATI.

GOOD SAMARITAN NEAR THE UNIVERSITY OF CINC...

ALL RIGHT! WE HAVE A SIGHTING!

THERE IS A TORNADO IN THE HAMILTON AREA.

IF YOU ARE IN THAT AREA, TAKE SHELTER NOW.

I REPEAT, THE HAMILTON AREA.

NOW HERE ARE SOME HELPFUL TIPS ON HOW TO CARE FOR THE INJURED OR IN SHOCK.

HELLO? DO NOT MOVE THE VICTIM.

PLEASE, PLEASE. SWEETHEART, JUST CALM DOWN. DO NOT MOVE THE VICTIM.

TELL ME HOW OLD YOU ARE. KEEP THE VICTIM LYING FLAT.

KEEP THAT VICTIM LYING FLAT. SEVEN YEARS OLD?

I'VE GOT A GIRL. COVER TO AVOID LOSS OF HEAT.

COME ON. COME ON. COME ON. GIVE NO FLUIDS.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I AM TALKING TO A LITTLE SEVEN-YEAR-OLD GIRL...

WHOSE MOMMY'S NOT AT HOME.

IF THERE ARE OTHER KIDS OUT THERE ALONE, UH, LISTEN CLOSELY TOO.

OKAY? UH, NOW, SWEETHEART,

UNCLE ARTHUR WANTS YOU TO KNOW THAT EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

Y-YOUR MOMMY'S FINE. YOU SEE, SHE'S JUST TAKEN SHELTER WHERE SHE IS.

YES. AND SHE KNOWS THAT SHE MUST STAY THERE UNTIL THIS WHOLE THING'S BLOWN OVER.

UH, NO. N-NO, NO, NO, NO. D-DON'T... DON'T TRY TO GO OUT AND FIND HER.

STAY WHERE YOU ARE. SHE'S GONNA BE HOME SOON.

AW. PLEASE. SHE'S CRYING.

SWEETHEART. SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH. CALM DOWN, NOW.

I KNOW IT'S TERRIBLE TO BE ALONE, AND TORNADOES ARE SCARY THINGS.

BUT, YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES...

SOMETIMES WE GOTTA BE BRAVE, EVEN WHEN WE'RE NOT.

OH, UH, LES NESSMAN WANTS TO KNOW IF YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR BASEMENT IS.

YOU DO? GOOD!

NOW, I'LL BET EVERYBODY OUT THERE KNOWS WHERE HIS OR HER BASEMENT IS, RIGHT?

WELL, UNCLE ARTHUR WANTS YOU TO GO THERE RIGHT NOW.

YEAH. YES, YOU TOO, DEAR.

WHAT? YEAH, I-I KNOW IT'S DARK DOWN THERE.

BUT UNCLE ARTHUR WANTS YOU TO GO THERE RIGHT NOW, SWEETHEART.

OH, ALL RIGHT. IF-IF YOU GO THERE, I'LL SEND YOU FIVE DOLLARS THROUGH THE MAIL.

KIDS. WHAT?

YEAH, PLEASE, JUST PUT THE PHONE ON THE TABLE,

AND I WANNA HEAR YOU WALK TO THE BASEMENT.

AND THEN WHEN YOU GET THERE, SLAM THE DOOR REAL LOUD.

SHE'S GOING. GOOD.

I CAN HEAR HER WALKING. HUH. I HEARD THE DOOR.

SHE'S GONNA BE SAFE.

AT LEAST I HOPE SO.

THE PHONE JUST WENT DEAD.

MR. CARLSON, YOU SAVED THAT CHILD'S LIFE.

HUH? OH!

THAT-THAT'S ENOUGH, LES. NOW GET BACK ON THE AIR. RIGHT. RIGHT.

THIS IS LES NESSMAN AGAIN, PART OF YOUR GUTSY WKRP EMERGENCY NEWS TEAM.

NOW I WANNA SEE THE PHONES IN HERE LIGHT UP.

I WANNA SEE THIS CITY GET OFF THE CANVAS AND

START FIGHTING THE WAY ONLY CINCINNATI CAN.

WE'RE NOT GONNA LET THOSE GODLESS AGGRESSORS FROM THE...

I MEAN, THOSE TORNADOES... GET THE BEST OF US, ARE WE?

HECK, NO, BOY. NOT WITH MEN LIKE ARTHUR "BIG GUY" CARLSON ON OUR SIDE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK ON WITH MORE NEWS AND INFORMATION THE MOMENT WE GET IT.

RIGHT NOW, UM, I'M GOING TO, UH, UM, UH, PLAY A RECORD.

YEAH, SURE. WHY NOT? ♪♪

♪♪

LES NESSMAN SPEAKING.

LISTEN, TRANSLATE THAT, JOSE. THEY'LL LOVE IT.

AH, BUT SERIOUSLY, GUYS.

SEE, I AM TERRIFIED BY TORNADOES.

I MEAN, THEY PARALYZE ME.

AND, UH, WELL, YOU GUYS SHOW UP HERE TODAY AND YOU...

YOU LISTENED TO ALL MY PROBLEMS.

SO, UH, GOD BLESS EVERY ONE OF YOU.

AND I HOPE THAT YOU SELL A BILLION TV SETS.

ANDY, WHAT HAPPENED?

OH, HE HAD A LITTLE ACCIDENT, BUT HE'S JUST FINE NOW. AREN'T YOU, ANDY?

SURE. LISTEN, HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY LITTLE DOG?

WELL, ANDY, IT'S ALL OVER. NOBODY WAS KILLED. ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL?

HELLO.

OVER? DAMN! I'M READY NOW.

WHY, I GOTTA GO ON THE AIR. I'M NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING.

THE BOOTH IS GONE.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪