Original subtitles

Beautiful. You know it, Gary.

Look at her.

Do you know what I would like to do?

Shower with them.

Then, bang, we hit the city, baby. Dead on.

A little drinks, a little nightlife, a little dancing.

We throw a huge party. I mean, huge party.

Everybody's invited.

Women everywhere.

All these girls, they're all there.

Naked bodies everywhere.

Gary. What?

Nobody likes us.

Nobody.

Why are you messing with the fantasy?

We know about the reality.

Don't ruin the fantasy, okay?

And then we're hit, man.

over beer or studs.

When the smoke clears, right, those two dames

fall amazingly, completely, and totally in love with us wives.

Check it out.

We're tired.

Thank you.

Thank

you.

We're dying.

We're dying.

Who's never seen before.

Behind open door.

We're.

Where'd your parents go, anyway?

Cincinnati.

They're meeting the guy that my sister wants to marry.

Chloe?

Who the hell would marry Chloe?

He's starting to be a vet.

Try not to make a mess in there, Gary. The maid doesn't come till Monday.

You know, I don't understand something. Why? How come all of a sudden your

parents trust you, man? They never let you do shit before.

Chet's coming home from college for the weekend. They trust him.

He's in charge.

Chet? Oh, shit!

I can't believe this, Wyatt. I really wish that you told me this before I

agreed to sleep over. You know how I feel about shit.

I mean, how do you put up with that guy?

If I don't, he beats the shit out of me.

That's how he picked up the military school.

I mean, how do you put up with that putz? What can I say, Gary? He's very

protective of me.

Nice relationship.

All the electrical secrets of heaven.

At this time, we're ready.

Hey, Fritz, let's have one final test.

Throw the switches.

Here in the... I have discovered the great ray that first brought life into

the world.

Look, here's the final touch.

The brain you stole, Fritz.

Think of it.

The brain of a dead man, waiting to live again in a body I made with my own

hands. You know, it's not a bad idea.

What? Making a girl.

Actually making a girl.

Just like Frankenstein.

Except cuter.

You're serious?

Yes.

Look me in the eyes.

Do I look serious?

You're crazy.

Crazy am I?

We'll see whether I'm crazy or not.

Gary Wallace, that's absolutely gross. That's sick.

I'm not digging up dead girls.

No, I'm not talking about digging up a dead girl, Wyatt.

Talking about your system, idiot, your computer.

Okay, look, you know how you're always talking about how you can simulate all

that stuff on your computer?

You know?

What's the difference? Why can't we simulate a girl?

I don't know. I guess I could, but why?

It's two-dimensional on the screen. It's not flesh and blood, Gary.

Well, I know that, but, you know, we can use it. We can ask it questions. We can

put it in real-life sexual situations and see how it reacts. Like, we're sick

to manage it. You'd love it.

Well, what about your girl and, um...

Canada?

She was in Canada. Girls know morals. You know, I don't like that on a girl.

It's rough having that kind of relationship, you'll see.

Anyway, get to work.

Anything bigger than a handful, you're risking a sprint, huh? You know, and...

Yeah. Yeah.

Perfect.

Okay, now what?

Should we give her a break?

Yeah, we can play chess with her.

Chess?

Just give her a break, okay?

Okay,

that's

about all we can do with my stuff.

I can't believe this shit.

I can't believe it.

Did you get a free toaster with this too?

Gary, smarter than you, okay?

Problem is, it's a lame idea, okay? Not a lame idea. The problem is your

computer's a wimp and you need a lot more power than this. That's the

problem. What do you suggest?

We're in trouble, Gary.

This is highly illegal.

We need more input. We've got to fill this thing up with data.

We've got to make her as real as possible, Wyatt.

I want her to live. I want her to breathe.

I want her to aerobicize.

Live all day, all night.

We know what you need. Only right here, all day, all night.

It's moving, it's working.

the way, why are we wearing bras on our heads?

Ceremonial.

What would you little maniacs like to do first?

You guys created me. I didn't come from anywhere.

Before you started messing around with your computer, I didn't even exist.

By the way, you did an excellent job.

Thank you.

Hello?

Showering is real fun, isn't it?

If we're going to have any kind of fun together, you guys had better loosen up.

What are we going to do with her?

What?

We'll just go with the situation, okay?

And I'm sure by Sunday you'll think of something. You're a very bright guy. I

have a lot of faith in you, okay?

All right?

I'm just being practical.

Oh, I know you are, okay? And I appreciate it.

Well, what are we going to do about this mess?

Well, you have plenty of time to clean up tomorrow, okay?

Okay, but don't get any B.O. on Chet's suit, or he'll kill me.

Where are we going anyway?

I don't know. She said we're going to go downtown and... Oh, my God! Whose stuff

is this?

Is that your... Wait, is this yours? Shit.

Oh, shit. Gary, I don't know what's going on. What's going on here? I don't

know. What is going on here? Gary, I don't know. I don't know what's going on

here. You look good, though, all right? Yeah?

Yeah.

So, did you steal this car?

No, I didn't steal the car.

How'd you get it?

I can get anything I want.

And right now, I want a pop.

Party? Yeah.

And you better think up a name for me, too.

What name do you want?

You guys created me. You think of a name for me.

How about Lisa?

Why Lisa?

Why not?

He used to like a girl named Lisa.

Oh, yeah? Old girlfriend?

She kicked him in the nuts.

Will you shut up?

Look, Gary, it wasn't your fault.

All you said was hello to her. Hey, Laquan, shut up!

Hey guys.

I like Lisa.

That'll do just fine.

Okay, you guys ready to rock?

Ready. Ready.

but we're not 21 so i think we're gonna you're 21.

you're 21.

well maybe you'd feel better if you just got out there and mingled we don't

mingle okay well maybe you'd be more comfortable if i invited all these

people back to your house and we could all mingle there we'll mingle

hi dudes

Well, goddamn.

You know, listening to this blues music reminds me of my own trials and

tribulations as a young guy. And, you know, my folks, they really, really dump

on me. They really do.

I say, you guys get along with your parents?

I guess you guys moved out by now, though, huh?

Uh, what's this, sir?

Very good.

Um, very sweet thought of both of you gentlemen, but I really don't... Until

now.

You guys in the emergency room, huh?

Hello, pretty lady.

Tell me something.

What's a beautiful bride like you doing with a malaka like this, huh?

It's purely sexual.

No shit.

She's into malakas, Dino.

She's into malakas. Do you believe that?

Let me tell you my story, man.

Last year, I was insane for this crazy little eighth grade bitch.

Crazy? Insane?

Insane? Crazy? I was nuts for the woman, man. Now, you got to believe me. I'm

telling the truth here. I'm speaking to you. I mean, I was nuts for the girl.

And what did to me was these big titties she had. For a 13-year-old girl, man?

She wouldn't have had to worry about no titties for the rest of her life, boy.

You know, she was set and she was looking good, son.

That's the truth, baby.

I called every night for like a month.

I mean, I'm talking devotion, man.

Every damn night?

Every night, Mitch. I ain't playing with you. On the telephone?

What you boy talking about on the telephone, man?

He's playing it to you.

I'm trying to phone, boy. What the heck am I doing?

Buddy hung up on her.

Oh, you didn't hang up on her. The chick with those big, big titties? Man, you

know... Now, here's a camper.

You know what the bitch did to me?

Lay it on me.

Take this shit out. Listen to what she did to me. She need you in the nuts. I'm

cold and faggot in front of everybody. She did what?

Bitch need your nuts? Bitch need my nuts, bitch. I'm not playing with you.

In the family, too?

In the family, too, man.

my life too.

You broke more than your heart.

You can forget that other one.

You got this fine jewel sitting right over here by you.

and I appreciate it. You know, I really just don't feel like driving.

Okay, forget it. I'll drive. Give me the keys.

Give me the keys.

Is he going to be all right?

I don't know. I warned him about that blind dog, bub.

Hey, he don't even have a license, Lisa.

You're not lying. I don't even have a license.

And let's go out another party, man.

What are you going to tell Chet about me?

Nothing.

Nothing?

Look, I don't know. I'm just trying to concentrate on the road. You better

concentrate a little harder. You're about to run a red light.

about chet he's one serious idiot you stood butt wad

for me know what time it is um two

time to pay the fiddler

um

i was kind of counting on you to be human about this

Here's the bottom line, Wyatt.

I'm telling Mom and Dad everything.

I'm even considering making up some shit.

All right, check me your price.

$175.00.

Cash. New bills crisp and clean. In my wallet by 7 a.m.

Thank you.

Hey, what are big brothers for?

See you upstairs.

Out of the joke.

The booze hounds return.

What a joke.

Hi, girls.

Feeling kind of... Queasy?

How about a nice, greasy pork sandwich served in a

dirty ashtray?

He pukes. You die.

He's not laughing at you, Chet. It's just...

Did you tell Chet about the movie we made tonight?

You got me. He doesn't know what he's talking about. No shit.

No shit, Chet.

You two donkey dicks couldn't get laid in a morgue.

You're right. You are absolutely right. You're absolutely right.

You're never right.

What? Chet, come on.

Lisa.

Surprise.

I'm not going to hurt you, you silly thing. I mean, your lips, they feel like

rigor mortis have set in. Why don't you try and relax a little bit? I'm only

kissing you.

I wasn't expecting you to kiss me. I mean, I was just...

Want to try it again?

If you don't mind.

Yes, please.

You

sure

you're only 15?

I'll be 16 in June.

You made me.

You control me.

What's on your mind? What are you thinking about, huh?

Um... Women's gymnastics.

Well, I don't know. I'll do my best.

Okay.

What? What?

What?

Where are you?

I'm right here, Gary.

What happened?

I don't know.

I think it was a dream.

What?

Everything. Last night. Lisa.

The whole thing. It had to be a dream.

It can't be a dream, Wyatt.

We're both in it.

How can two people have the same dream?

There's no other explanation.

It had to be a dream.

Wait. Let's analyze this.

All right, in your dream, did I get up in the middle of the night and yak in

your sink?

Didn't throw up, no, nothing, you didn't see anything.

Maybe it was a dream, you know?

A very weird, bizarre, vivid, erotic, wet,

detailed dream.

Maybe we have malaria.

Look, I don't have the kind of box it would take to pay Chet off about this.

You can't live in fear of Chet for the rest of your life.

Why not?

Please.

I don't know, Wyatt.

I mean, it's seriously affecting your sex life.

Ten seconds into my gymnastic routine, you passed out.

You slept.

I did my toes.

By the way, you're very cute.

We'll try it again some other time.

You spitting this?

Not that I'm aware of, no.

Hey, that looks pretty good.

Now make yourself one, dickweed.

like your panties.

Don't, Chad. You know, it's all... That's not a joke.

That is a severe behavioral disorder.

Those are women's underpants.

I mean, the next thing you know, you'll be wearing a bra on your head.

Oh, and the old man's gonna have a stroke on this one for sure.

All right, Chad, how much?

How much?

Oh, this goes way beyond payment, pal.

Come on, Chad, please.

Your VCR should cover it.

For openers.

Thank you.

For Christ's sakes, will you cover yourself?

Did it die?

Looking for something for your mom?

I really don't think so, Sue.

Do you guys have a girlfriend?

You know, Sue, one does really not refer to a 23-year-old woman as a girlfriend.

I'm a mistress, Gare. Mistress.

Lover. Sex pot.

She's a sex pot, is what she is.

You guys are the ones that got beat up at the homecoming game, right?

Susan, do you think you could wrap up a bottle of this scent for me? Because I

like this.

Two.

And why don't you set yourself up with one of them, too? Set yourself up.

That's three scents, please.

If you were a 15-year-old boy, would these turn you on?

I think so, too. I'll take them.

Do you have a bra to match that?

Something in leather or rubber or barbed wire?

Give me a break.

Check it out.

Check it out. What?

Hi, Buck.

Krinsky.

Max, what are you going to do?

No gear.

For the first time in my life, I don't feel like a total dick.

Yeah, me either.

Sorry, boys.

Momentary loss of motor nerve. You guys getting tired of this? We're not, but

I'll tell you one thing. There is a cure.

Rumor has it there's a big white sale going on. At Tower World.

We're not impressed.

No.

Could I have some of that, please?

You know, I'm getting really bored of their shit.

What, do you want to dump them?

I don't know.

a social coma.

Sorry. Sorry.

We're sorry.

You want to give me another chance?

Okay.

Will you forgive us? Please.

Down the street, pretty woman.

The kind I like to meet, pretty woman.

I don't believe you.

I don't believe you. I don't believe you.

I don't believe

you.

Hey.

Hi.

That's Ian.

This is Max.

We call him Mad Max.

I saw you in the escalator.

Yeah.

Yeah, you were looking at it, right?

Yeah.

What are you doing?

Nothing. I'm waiting for my ride.

Police.

Come on, hon. We're running late.

Honey. Who?

Speak to you later.

She likes the rough stuff.

What can I do, you know?

By the way, there's a party tonight at Wyatt's house.

You can find his name in the student's directory under Donnelly.

Pass the word around.

Party?

by the time you're 40 if you don't learn to relax.

You tried inversion boots?

Lisa, you don't understand my parents.

What's there to understand?

They're oppressive, meddlesome, difficult, demanding, and totally

bizarre. I mean, they're normal parents.

Now stop worrying and go and get dressed.

Lisa, I created you.

Why do you insist on doing things I don't want?

Honey buns, you want a party so badly you could bottle it. I mean, you and

Gary, you want friends, you want popularity, you want all that stuff,

right? Well, I've thought about it, sure, but... So I'm giving it to you.

Thank you.

Really, thank you, but I don't want it in my house.

If you want to be a party animal, you have to learn to live in the jungle. Now

stop worrying and go and get dressed.

I'm going to go and pick up Gary.

I can't wait to meet his parents.

Do you go to Gary's school?

Do I look like I'm in high school?

No. Well, what it is, Dad, she's a foreign exchange student, you know, and

they have like a different educational system happening around the world.

You look very, uh, mature.

Doesn't she?

That's funny you say that, because I was thinking the same thing, and what

happened was that, uh... So what do you do for a living, Al?

I'm an independent businessman.

Al, Dad, my dad's a plumber. And he's into plumbing.

Well, I guess you plumb, right, Dad?

Yeah.

Yeah, well, I think it's time to go. You ready?

Where do you think you're going?

To a movie.

Movie party is what it is, folks.

We're going to a movie party.

Such a little liar.

No, I've whipped up this nasty little soiree over at his friend Wyatt's house.

Soiree what?

It's why, Ray, honey, I think that means party.

Party. You know, there's going to be sex, drugs, rock and roll, chips, dips,

chains, whips.

You know, your basic high school orgy type of thing.

I mean, I'm not talking candle wax on the nipples or witchcraft or anything

like that. No, no, no, no. Just a couple of hundred kids running around in their

underwear, acting like complete animals.

All right, God damn it! I've heard enough!

Gary, you get to your room. Yes, sir!

No, it's okay. Just sit here. I'll take care of this.

Curly, you get the hell out of here before I throw you out.

Don't fret me, Al.

You're out of shape. I'll kick your ass.

I'm going to make this real easy for you.

I'm taking Gary to a party.

Over my dead body.

He's a good kid.

He studies hard.

You've got no complaints. If anybody should be bitching, it should be Gary.

You ever compliment him on his grades?

You ever compliment him on anything?

Hey! Hey! Look, Mom, compliments embarrass me. You know. Dad, you know.

Shut up!

Have you ever wondered how sad it is that your son's only sexual outlet is

tossing off to magazines in the bathroom?

Shut up! This guy deserves a party.

Look, I don't know who you are, what you are, where you came from.

And I'm not taking any more of this.

Dial the police, Lucy.

Dial the damn police and give me the phone.

Go ahead.

Make your day.

I'm really sorry it has to come to this.

Come to what?

If you don't cheer up, I'll blow your face off.

Oh, come on, don't be such an old lady. Everything's cool.

Everything's cool?

Everything's cool. Yeah, yeah. My dad's going to castrate me, and my mother

almost had like a cardiac arrest.

My parents are never going to let me in the house, and if they do, I'll be

grounded until I'm 45. But other than that, everything's great. Everything's

really cool.

I think, you know, everything could be better.

Trust me for once, will you?

They don't know what happened.

Didn't you think Gary was acting a little strangely this evening?

Gary?

Who's Gary?

Lisa, you have to promise me that things aren't going to get out of control.

Wyatt, don't worry. You're just having a few friends over.

I don't have any friends, Lisa.

He doesn't.

Point line.

You do now.

want to work on that.

If you're going to float an air biscuit, let me know, okay?

Float a what?

If you're going to fart, if you're going to squeeze cheese, let me know, okay?

I'll hit the fan.

I'm sorry, guys.

I suffer pain and discomfort due to occasional stomach upset.

You know, I can't believe this, Wyatt. I'm so disappointed in us. I mean, all

we ever do is sit around and talk about how great it would be if we went to

parties, right?

And now it's our party, and there are hundreds of people here having a great

time, and we're in the charts.

We're in the charts. I can't believe it.

Gary, you're just as uptight as I am, all right? Let me tell you something.

Nobody can be as uptight as you, okay?

Nobody. Your middle name is tense, okay?

Wyatt Tenth of Donnelly. All right, this is true. This is true. This is true.

But it's not that bad. I mean, we can hear the music.

That's great. We can dance. Oh, that's great. If we put our noses to the door,

maybe we can smell the food.

Hey, brother.

What's happening, my main man?

Right on.

Got you.

Speed up.

Yeah, give me the whole bottle.

Tell you what, you bend over, and I'll shove it straight up your ass.

On the rock, it's fine.

Yeah, that's what I thought you were going for.

Yes, he is.

You deal with the drinks, I'll kill the girl.

I wonder if Lisa's having a good time.

Lisa could have a good time at an insurance seminar, Wyatt.

You know, the thing that really galls me is that she's ours and we can't get

close to her.

Hit the fan.

This is like the best party I've ever been to. Oh, I know. It's great.

Do you know who this half-sister is?

I don't know. I think it might be that girl with the English accent.

Did you notice that girl doesn't have a zit on her whole body?

Did you notice that? I know. She's like zero fat.

And she's so relaxed.

She burped in her... It was like charming. Yeah.

I cannot.

You're dropping wolf bait and it shakes outside.

Light a match or something. Light a fire. I don't know.

Hi.

Hi.

We're sorry. We thought there was just girls in there. I'm sorry.

Oh, it's just us dudes, you know.

What are you doing here?

Gary was just taking a shit.

No, when I...

Oh, it's on my house.

This is your party?

Yeah, well, you know, we like to do this about once a week, you know, throw a

little gathering. Yeah, a little get-together, that kind of thing.

Haven't you guys been by?

No. How the heck did we miss these two? I don't know. So many people, so many

parties. So many people, you know, so many parties. You know, you lose track.

Would you mind if I came in and checked my face?

What's wrong with your face?

Can we come in?

Come on in. Sure, yeah.

Okay, be our guest. Thanks, guys.

Come on in.

Well, we've seen you guys at school, but we've never met.

You're Hilly. You're Deb. How you doing?

You're Deb. I'm Gary.

Hi, Gary.

What are you guys doing?

This is a wild crowd. I didn't know you guys had so many friends.

Yeah, neither did we. Neither did we.

girl with the axe, and I thought that this was her party, but I... You mean

the real sensuous, exotic, sexy, mature, sex symbol type?

Yeah.

She's with us.

She's with you guys?

Come on, Lisa, why not?

Because I belong to Gary and Wyatt.

Belong? What?

They make you in the garage with power tools?

They own you?

Control you?

Seriously?

Seriously.

They're toads.

Do I look like I go out with two toads?

You do.

It's true.

I think Gary and Wyatt are going to force everyone to redefine their terms.

And you're completely loyal to them.

I do whatever they say.

Excuse us for a minute, please.

That's no problem. Yeah, we'll be right here.

I could

be wrong, but I think these ladies are stoked for us, Wyatt. I got that

feeling myself.

What do we do?

I don't know. Should we go for it? What about Lisa? She did say we should party.

Look, let's get around with these two score points and go back to Lisa. This

is like a dream come true.

How about we see if we can score the points with these two and deal with the

mechanics when we get to them later?

Sounds good.

Okay, but whatever happens, we've got to give Lisa a shot. I don't want to hurt

her feelings. I mean, the girls are looking for a long, mean, blown job from

me.

Ready to party down?

Let's break.

get the chance.

Shower with them. I did.

It's a mind scrambler.

Oh, that's so good.

She took a shower with them.

I have a wonderful idea, Henry.

After dinner, why don't we stop by and visit with Wyatt?

I hate to think of his being alone at home tonight.

Doesn't he have anything to read?

Well, I don't know, dear.

But you know, nothing's more important to a teenage boy than his grandparents.

We'll drop by. Oh, good.

I'd like to open up by

apologizing for the icy today at the mall. I was very immature, and I'm

sorry.

And it was just like tomfoolery.

But we are sorry.

It happened.

Yeah.

So what's the deal with Lisa? Can we borrow her?

We can't do that, guys. Because common decency prohibits us. We can't.

It's not cool.

Well, she said it was cool.

We can't take advantage of her loyalty.

Sorry about that.

Man, but that's really selfish. That hurts.

You know?

Ian.

Just forget it, guys, because we can't do it, you know?

Oh, come on.

Quit being such pricks.

Hey, come on.

Regardless of what she may have told you, our feelings for Lisa run very

deep. It's like emotions, heavy, heavy emotions.

Our feelings for Deb and Hilly run as deep as yours do for Lisa. And it's

respect. It's like the time you spent together, you know?

And a couple of guys like you deserve them.

See, we like your style, so we wanted to make a deal with you.

You let us have a crack at Lisa, and then we'll let you have Deb and Hilly.

Can you guys keep a secret?

Sure. Secret?

Look again.

It's Gary.

No, no. It's our boy, Gary.

He's our 16-year-old boy.

I don't know what the hell you're talking about, Lucy, and I want you to

shut up.

I feel like an asshole.

This would better work.

This is just a blueprint, okay? Now look.

You like it?

Bigger tits.

Go, go, go, go.

Give him the knee shooters.

Excuse me, Arthur.

It's alright. Excuse me, Art.

project.

You had to be big shots, didn't you?

You had to show off.

When are you going to learn people like you for what you are, not for what you

can give them?

In your race for power and glory, you forgot one small detail.

We forgot to hook up the doll.

You forgot to hook up the doll.

Something's going on here, Carmen. I have a feeling we're not going to

approve, Henry.

A missile!

A missile!

A missile in my house, Gary!

Yep, this puppy's for real, all right. It was an accident.

It's a whole, you know... Accident in my ass, Gary!

My parents are coming home.

Chess coming home. They're gonna freak out!

They're gonna shit egg rolls.

Get down!

Get down!

You are to know better than to walk into somebody's house and

start hitting people with your Rex Harrison hat.

This is my daughter's home. Who the hell are you?

Well, I'm the very dear, close, personal friend of your grandson.

Henry, call the police.

I will.

I'll have you incarcerated.

Here's the deal, folks.

Gary and Wyatt, they created me on their computer.

I'm not going to stand here and listen to this baloney. He won't, you know. He

doesn't stand for baloney.

Do you mind waiting here?

I won't be a moment.

Have you ever?

Never.

Excuse me, guys.

Wyatt, your grandparents are downstairs.

Okay, thanks, Lise.

Your kitchen is blue.

You want to try one?

Why, my grandparents, Lisa.

They're all taken care of, okay?

You're going to love this one.

Are they all right?

They're fine.

In fact, they're better than fine.

They're not aging anymore.

See? They're smiling.

Uh, Lisa, if, uh, any more of his relatives drop, I will be upstairs in

the bathroom, okay?

It's pretty sick, Lisa.

Those guys really need some self-confidence.

A challenge.

Something that'll bring out their inner strength and courage.

I'm so bloody clever.

Now!

Okay?

Guys, you have uninvited guests. I think you better come out and ask them to

leave. They're getting pretty rowdy.

This is an excellent chance for you to prove your bravery and courage.

Those are outdated concepts, all right?

Don't let John Wayne hear you say that.

The man is dead, Lisa, okay?

Well, so are you if you don't deal with this situation.

No, thank you.

Gary, do you feel like a chicken?

White, if I could shoot an egg on my ass right now, I would.

What about all these people?

Won't they think we're cowards?

I don't know.

Look, we can deal with shame, okay? Death is a much deeper issue.

We're gonna go get you guys some drinks. You look like a scotchman. You want

some, uh... We're gonna get some stuff and we'll... Is this your party?

Uh... Well, yeah, well, kind of. I mean, if you can call it a party, you know,

because it's, um... It's a few friends.

How come two unpopular dicks like you

is having a party?

I don't know.

I mean, I guess I was just asking myself that very question, and unlike Nick,

sometimes they're the weirdest. I don't know.

How would you like all your friends here to know that you wear a bra

on your head?

Tossed off into any good books lately, have we?

You two can't even take a shower with a beautiful woman

without wearing your jeans.

Hands off the girls. Let's leave the girls out of this. Hands off.

I said hands off!

Now!

Why don't you shut up, bitch?

Can't ask for your ugly ass.

Let me tell you something.

You don't come into my friend's house with your faggot friends driving your

motorbikes all over his floors, breaking windows, making a mess, stinking up the

place. And believe me, you do stink.

And here's what's going to happen.

You're going to let go of the girls.

And you're going to apologize to all these people.

And you're going to get on your bikes and peddle your ugly asses out of here.

So now, uh... We're gentlemen, so we're going to give you a choice.

Yeah, you can leave in peace.

Or you can stay and die.

Choice is yours.

Beg your pardon.

Never loved me at home.

Terribly sorry.

Call me. I have lunch.

Can we keep this between us?

I don't think this is my thinking job.

believe you know is everyone all right i just want to know this is so exciting

you know we're heroes these guys came into your house and we showed them down

i can't believe this you know we did you and me we saved all these people why you

don't understand that we're heroes this could mean a guest shot and feel down to

you i don't know but this is exciting gary what where the hell did you get

that thing square cut man

My boy.

What a weird night, huh?

You really weren't afraid of those guys?

I was scared.

But what could I do?

It's probably a good idea for me not to ask too many questions back tonight.

Probably. This is sort of a night of weird shit.

I was wondering if I can ask you something kind of strange.

Would you kiss me?

What about Ian?

We all make mistakes.

Where do you want it?

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

How do you feel about Lisa?

I love her.

That's what I figured.

But... I mean, it's definitely a different kind of love, you know? It's

more sisterly, you know? Like, big sisterly, kind of.

But she's so beautiful.

Yeah, she's really beautiful.

And her body is... It's gorgeous.

It's a nice figure.

So... Then I... I mean, what would I be compared to her?

Deb... Lisa... Is everything I ever wanted in a girl.

Before I knew what I wanted.

I know that if I could do it again, I'd make it just like you.

Dead

honest.

I'm like, you know, I gotta tell you, because I'm really honest when I say

that. I'm so very honest.

I mean that.

Little bastard.

Please don't let him mess up my room.

My room's okay. I won't kill him, I promise.

I'll just hurt him real bad.

Freeze.

Chet!

Where's my brother?

Ow.

Uh, I don't know.

You're dead meat, Pilgrim.

Um... Chet, Chet, Chet, Chet, Chet. That's her nose. Come on, now look. She

has nothing to do with it.

Okay.

You die.

She walks out of here with a severe limp.

Why I told the brother, Chet.

He's kind of an asshole.

Oh, hi, Chet.

What the hell is going on around here?

Chet, I'm sorry. It was an accident. An accident?

An accident?

Do you realize it's snowing in my room, goddammit?

Some real weird shit happened, Chet. Some real weird shit. You don't have to

be a genius to figure that out, monkey dick.

Start talking, little man.

Victor, it's a real long story.

Gary and I were messing around with the computer Friday night when we decided to

make a woman when we didn't. She went crazy and she messed up the whole house.

A little smart mouth to me, you wormy little shit.

Why don't you just leave him alone? Stay out of this, bimbo. Does the family

matter? Chet, just let me find Lisa. She can explain everything. She'll clear

everything up, Chet.

Chet, you can have my college money and my social security, Chet.

You guys think you can pull one over on me, huh?

Huh?

You got everybody synced to the same bullshit story.

This isn't bullshit. This is a Persian missile chip.

It's Chet.

My name is Chet.

And I didn't think it was a whale's dick, honey.

Hi,

Nanny. Hi, Grampy.

I'm not a moron, you know.

I... Was that my grandparents?

Are they dead?

Oh, no, they're just resting.

What are they doing in here?

I put them in there.

I didn't want the boys to get into trouble.

Quite frankly, they weren't having a very good time at the party.

Not having a good time?

Do you think they're having a good time being catatonic in a closet?

Do you have any idea how disrespectful that is?

Boy, I wouldn't give a squirt of piss for your ass right now.

Okay, that's quite enough.

You guys get the girls home. Wyatt, take the Porsche.

Gary, you take the Ferrari.

The Ferrari?

I want to be alone with Chet here.

Good to see you again, Chet. Get out of here.

Come on, take your little hussies home.

The parents are probably worried sick.

Lady, I want to get to the bottom of this. A-S-A-F-T.

Oh, so do I.

First, I'd like to butter your muffin.

Why do you have to be such a wanker?

Because I get off on it.

Now, I want you to promise that you'll keep your big mouth shut about

everything that has happened here this weekend.

And I want you to treat Wyatt and Gary with dignity and respect.

Oh, really?

Yeah, oh, really.

I can be a real serious bitch if I don't get what I want.

Ooh, hit me with your best shot.

About 35.

This can't be right.

Are you looking at the RPM?

No, I think I'm looking at about 50 tickets.

Bitch! Al!

Al! Al, that was Gary!

Who is this Gary character?

I had a really great time last night.

I'll probably be grounded for a month or so, but... I'll wait for you.

to thank you for a great night.

Same here.

Deb,

I have kind of a confession to make.

I'm really not this cool.

That's not my car.

This is not my suit.

I mean, none of those people were my friends.

Whatever you are, I like it.

Well,

um, I better get going because, um, Wyatt and I still have to deal with

Chet.

Quit screwing around!

This isn't funny, you stupid bitch.

Oh, now, careful, Chet. Don't make me angry.

Sorry.

That's better.

Would you please turn me back to normal, please?

I haven't done anything to you.

No, but you've done plenty to your brother.

Like what?

Well, let me see.

You've nagged him, harassed him, suppressed him, kept him in fear of you,

extorted money from him.

Done out of love.

Just for that, I ought to give you a set of elephant balls.

Give me your word

that you'll leave Wyatt and Gary alone and I'll change you back.

Oh, all right.

Shake on it, huh?

No, thanks. I'd rather not.

Wait! Where are you going?

Well, I have to go and get changed.

What about me?

What about you? You'll be fine. It just takes a little while for the effect to

wear off, okay?

I think things are turning around for us.

I mean it.

Okay, what about Lisa?

I think we're off to have a talk with her.

Think she'll understand?

I think so. I mean, uh... I sure as hell wouldn't want to date me.

You're not my type, you know.

Hi, dudes.

I'm sorry, Wyatt.

I'm sorry for being such a shit to you all these years.

And, gee, well, I want you to know that I love you.

That's nasty, Wyatt.

That's a check, Gary.

Oh, my God.

Lisa?

In here.

Lisa?

Yeah?

Is that Chet?

Yes, I did.

You responsible?

Yes, I am.

Lisa, we can't have him like that.

It'll ruin Christmas.

Listen, he's going to be fine in half an hour.

He's not going to spoil Christmas.

And he's not going to bug you anymore either.

Um, Lisa, we have to have a talk with you.

What's on your mind?

I really don't know how to say this to you.

You guys found girlfriends, right?

Fell in love with the two girls.

They fell in love with you.

That's all I ever wanted for you.

You're not hurt?

Yeah, sure, I'm hurt.

But I wouldn't change it.

I'm really just getting off seeing you two guys straightened out.

I've had a wonderful time.

So what did you guys do this weekend?

Not much.

Hung around the house, you know.

Daddy had this crazy notion you guys might throw a party or do something

nutty.

not us not here no way

Okay drop and give me 20

Classic tubes and pots and pans, bits and pieces and bits and pieces and bits.

My creation.

Is it real?

It's my creation.

Oh, my creation. It's my creation.

I do not know.

Why do I know?

Why don't people understand mind?

Weird science.

Weird science.

Magic technology.

Weird science.

Weird science.

Thank you.

Bye. Bye.