Original subtitles

WEATHER TODAY IN THE GREATER CINCINNATI AREA...

♪ I LOVE YOU SO BADLY I COULD... ♪

THEY'RE SOLID PLASTIC, SO DON'T SETTLE FOR IMITATION...

BUT THE SENATOR, WHILE INSISTING HE WAS NOT INTOXICATED,

COULD NOT EXPLAIN HIS NUDITY.

♪♪

♪♪

♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVING ON THE AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪

♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪

OH, THAT'S FINE.

THAT SHOULD DO IT. NO, THAT'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

THERE'S NO NEED TO BOTHER MR. CARLSON WITH THIS. HE'S A VERY BUSY MAN.

THANK YOU.

OH, GOOD MORNING, MR. CARLSON. MORNING, JENNIFER. HEY, WHAT WAS THAT?

- NOTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT. - AH, GOOD.

I SURE LIKE THE WAY YOU HANDLE THINGS.

JUST ALL PART OF MY JOB. WELL, NOBODY DOES IT BETTER.

HOW ABOUT THE MAIL? UH, UH, UH, UH. THAT'S THE IMPORTANT STUFF.

THIS IS YOURS.

OH. WELL, I-I'M SORRY.

GOOD MORNING, BIG GUY. OH, HEY, HERB, HOW'S IT GOING?

UH, TERRIFIC. EXCUSE ME.

MORNING, GORGEOUS.

YOU GOT ANYTHING, UH, FOR ME?

ONLY THE MAIL, HERB. THAT'S ALL I'LL EVER HAVE FOR YOU.

HEY, HERB, I KNOW YOU'RE IN A HURRY,

BUT CAN I HAVE A MINUTE? SURELY.

UH, I WAS JUST WONDERING HOW THINGS WERE GOING IN SALES.

FINE. JUST FINE. AH.

YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN QUITE A WHILE SINCE THE FORMAT CHANGE.

I JUST, YOU KNOW, THOUGHT I'D ASK.

EVERYTHING'S SQUARED AWAY, BIG GUY. THANKSGIVING'S COMING UP,

AND I GOT A LOT OF SPECIAL STUFF IN THE WORKS.

GOOD, GOOD. HEY, I'M GLAD TO HEAR IT. YEAH.

PREVIOUS MANAGEMENT HAD THINGS PRETTY WELL SCREWED UP AROUND HERE.

NO OFFENSE.

WKRP.

NO, I'M AFRAID HE'S NOT IN.

NO, I'M SORRY. MR. CARLSON NEVER RETURNS CALLS.

- LES. HOW'S IT GOING? - HOW'S WHAT GOING?

BUSINESS, THE NEWS GAME... YOUR DEPARTMENT.

WHO WANTS TO KNOW?

WELL, YOU KNOW, JUST ME, THE STATION MANAGER.

WELL, IN THAT CASE, IT'S GOING JUST FINE. NO PROBLEMS.

GOOD. GOOD. YEAH.

WHAT, UH, SEEMS TO BE THE BIG STORY OF THE DAY?

- TAXES. NOBODY WANTS TO PAY THEM ANYMORE. - AH, I SEE.

AND IN OTHER HEADLINES, THURSDAY IS THANKSGIVING AGAIN.

INFLATION CONTINUES. THERE'S MORE FIGHTING IN AFRICA.

AND IN FOOTBALL, THIS MAY BE THE WEEK FOR THE BENGALS. AH.

OR MAYBE NOT. OH.

TURNING TO THE WEATHER, IT'S 45 DEGREES AND CLOUDY.

THANKS FOR THAT UPDATE, LES.

- KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. - NO PROBLEM.

DON'T TOUCH THOSE.

I... I THINK I'LL PROBABLY JUST SLIP OUT BACK, JENNIFER,

AND LOOK AROUND, MAYBE REVIEW THE TROOPS.

RATTLE A FEW CAGES.

OKEYDOKEY.

IF ANYTHING, YOU KNOW, BIG COMES UP, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK HERE.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

♪♪

- HELLO. - HELLO.

OH, HELLO. IS TRAVIS IN?

UH, NO. NO.

- HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - NOTHING.

AH. YOU'RE OFF DUTY, HUH? HOW ABOUT YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

UH, I'M WORKING ON A PROMOTION IDEA.

YEAH? WELL, MAYBE I CAN BE OF SOME ASSISTANCE.

IT'S PROBABLY NOTHING YOU'D BE INTERESTED IN.

YOUNG LADY, I'VE DONE THOUSANDS OF

PROMOTIONS IN MY DAY. NOW WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

WELL, UH, WE DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO GIVE AWAY...

BOSTON T-SHIRTS OR FOREIGNER T-SHIRTS.

BOSTON. FOREIGN STUFF SHRINKS.

YES, SIR.

ANYTHING ELSE? NO, THAT-THAT'S ABOUT IT.

AH, GOOD. WELL, LISTEN, IT WAS NICE SPEAKING WITH YOU BOTH.

MORNING, MR. CARLSON. YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?

YEAH, UH, ANDY. UM... WHY DON'T YOU COME RIGHT ON IN HERE?

MATTER OF FACT, TRAVIS, JUST COME RIGHT OVER HERE AND, UH, TAKE A SEAT.

SIT DOWN RIGHT THERE. GET YOU ANYTHING? COFFEE? GUM?

UH, NO, I'M-I'M FINE. AH. GOOD.

WELL, THEN LET'S... WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT THOSE SHINY BOOTS...

RIGHT UP THERE ON THE DESK LIKE THAT.

RELAX, YOU RASCAL, YOU SO-AND-SO,

YOU ROUGH-AND-READY GUY, YOU, HUH?

YOU JUST GET COMFORTABLE THERE AND THEN GIVE ME THE BIG PICTURE.

BIG PICTURE? YEAH, YOU KNOW.

GIVE ME THE RUNDOWN, YOUR VIEW FROM THE TOP.

I MEAN, YOU'RE MY RIGHT ARM, MAN. WHAT'S HAPPENING OUT THERE IN THE FIELD?

OH, YOU MEAN, HOW'S BUSINESS? YEAH. YEAH. JUST, YOU KNOW,

SHOOT IT TO ME STRAIGHT, HOTSHOT.

- WELL, EVERYTHING'S FINE. - OH, LISTEN.

I GET THAT ANSWER FROM EVERYBODY AROUND HERE. "OH, NO PROBLEM."

WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON, TRAVIS?

NOTHING!

WELL, I DON'T LIKE IT. IT'S TOO QUIET.

WELL, DO YOU THINK THE INDIANS ARE GONNA ATTACK?

POSSIBLY. WORSE THINGS HAVE HAPPENED TO US SINCE WE SWITCHED TO ROCK AND ROLL.

NO, SIR. LOOK, EVERYTHING IS RUNNING VERY SMOOTHLY.

I THINK WE'RE ON THE RIGHT TRACK. AH.

HERB DOING ALL RIGHT? YEAH.

LES BEEN PROVIN' RIGHT ALONG? YEP.

SO, HOW ABOUT ME? HOW AM I DOING?

- I THINK YOU'RE DOING JUST FINE. - YOU DO? I SEE.

WHY?

I... I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN.

WHAT-WHAT AM I DOING GOOD AT?

YOU'RE THE STATION MANAGER. AHA! YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I AM, BUT WHAT DO I DO?

YOU ARE THE BOSS. AH.

YOU'RE THE BOSS. UH-HUH. ALL RIGHT.

AND YOU DO, UH, BOSS STUFF.

SUCH AS? WELL, YOU, UH...

UH, WELL, THEN AGAIN, YOU... WELL, LET-LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY.

JUST KNOWING THAT YOU'RE IN HERE, BOSS... UH, BOSS...

KNOWING THAT YOU'RE AT THE HELM GIVES US A LOT OF CONFIDENCE.

AH.

THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, TRAVIS.

I MEAN, I SIT IN HERE ALL DAY, YOU KNOW, AT THE HELM, AS YOU SAY,

BUT I NEVER GET TO STEER THE SHIP.

I'M IN CHARGE HERE. I WANT TO BE INVOLVED.

HOW?

WELL, FIRST OFF,

I NEED TO HAVE THE DAY-TO-DAY DETAILS IF I'M GONNA GET THE BIG PICTURE.

AND NO DETAIL IS TOO SMALL.

I WANT TO PERSONALLY APPROVE EVERYTHING THAT GOES ON IN THIS STATION...

TRAFFIC, CONTINUITY, PROGRAMMING, ENGINEERING... THE WHOLE BALL GAME.

WELL, SIR, NOW I DON'T KNOW ABOUT... LET'S FACE IT, TRAVIS.

YOU'RE A GOOD MAN. ONE OF THE BEST.

BUT I'M THE BIG GUY. HUH?

HUH? I SEE.

NOW YOU GET OUT THERE, AND YOU LET THOSE TROOPS KNOW WHAT'S EXPECTED OF THEM.

- UH, MR. CARLSON? - YES?

EVERYTHING IS GOING SO WELL NOW.

AND IT'S GONNA GET EVEN BETTER.

THE OLD SPIRIT!

ANDY, YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING ABOUT CARLSON, MAN.

WHAT'S HE DONE?

THE GUY WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE.

I MEAN, HE'S DRIVING ME CRAZY WITH HIS SUGGESTIONS.

AH, JOHNNY, HE'S THE STATION MANAGER, AND HE FEELS LEFT OUT.

LOOK, I TOOK THIS JOB ORIGINALLY...

'CAUSE I FIGURED CARLSON WAS LIKE ME...

A GUY WHO DOESN'T QUITE KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND HIM, AND HE LIKES IT THAT WAY.

NOW HE'S... HE'S INTO EVERYTHING.

WELL, I CAN'T SAY AS I BLAME HIM. AFTER ALL, HE IS THE BOSS.

ANDY, YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT MR. CARLSON.

- YEAH, WELL, SO I HEAR. - HE'S HANGING AROUND MY TELETYPE MACHINES.

HE WANTS TO GO OUT ON ASSIGNMENT WITH ME.

I WORK ALONE, ANDY. EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT.

YEAH, YEAH, LES. I KNOW THAT YOU DO. OKAY. I'LL, UH, TALK WITH CARLSON.

ANDY, I GOTTA TALK TO YOU ABOUT CARLSON.

YEAH, WELL, GET IN LINE. HMM? OH, SURELY.

I HAVEN'T GOT ALL DAY.

HERB, I WAS JUST KIDDING.

I KNOW.

ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S CARLSON DONE?

- HE BLEW A DEAL I'VE BEEN WORKING ON. - OH? WHO WAS THE CLIENT?

A LITTLE PIPE SHOP DOWNTOWN. CASH ON THE BARRELHEAD... OUT THE WINDOW.

- WHAT'D HE SAY? - HE SAID IT WAS JUST A FRONT...

FOR SELLING PARAPHERNALIA FOR DRUG USERS.

OKAY, I'LL TALK WITH HIM.

UM, WHERE IS THIS PIPE SHOP?

ANDY, YOU GOT A MINUTE?

CARLSON, RIGHT? WHAT'S GOT INTO HIM, MAN?

HE USED TO BE SCARED TO DEATH OF ME, AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD RELATIONSHIP.

BUT NOW HE'S ALWAYS COMING UP, TRYING TO JIVE ME, YOU KNOW?

- WANTS TO KNOW IF I NEED ANYTHING. - WELL, LIKE WHAT?

A... A WATERMELON.

ANDY, MR. CARLSON... YEAH, I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW.

HE WANTED TO APPROVE THE T-SHIRT PROMOTION.

HE'S WAY OUT OF LINE, ANDY.

WAIT A MINUTE. I ASSURE YOU THAT THERE IS

NOTHING IN THE WORLD WRONG WITH THE BIG GUY.

NOW TRUST ME ON THIS.

AH, YOU'RE ALL HERE. GOOD. I WAS GONNA CALL A MEETING ANYWAY.

UH, YEAH. MR. CARLSON, I NEED TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU, SIR.

NOT NOW, TRAVIS. I GOT SOME TREMENDOUS NEWS.

I JUST CONCLUDED A DEAL THAT'S GONNA MAKE RADIO HISTORY.

I CAN'T GIVE YOU ALL THE PERTINENT

INFORMATION AT THIS PARTICULAR POINT IN TIME,

BUT I CAN TELL YOU THAT YOU'LL ALL BE RECEIVING YOUR ASSIGNMENTS LATER.

LES, HERB, I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT THIS MEANS.

HECK NO, BIG GUY. I'M WITH YOU 100%.

AH. PERHAPS YOU SHOULD TELL ME, MR. CARLSON.

LES, WE ARE NOW A ROCK-AND-ROLL STATION.

AND THESE CASUALLY DRESSED PEOPLE OVER HERE

SEEM TO THINK THEY'VE TAKEN OVER THE PLACE.

JUST WANT TO TELL YOU THAT LES, HERB AND I WERE HERE BEFORE ALL OF YOU.

AND WE DID PRETTY GOOD ON OUR OWN.

AM I RIGHT, HERB? I'D SAY BETTER THAN "PRETTY GOOD," BIG GUY.

HA! LES?

JUST WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU HAVE IN MIND, MR. CARLSON?

ONLY THE GREATEST PROMOTION IDEA OF ALL TIME. GREAT.

ALL IT'S GONNA TAKE IS YOUR COMPLETE COOPERATION,

ABSOLUTE SECRECY AND... 20 LIVE TURKEYS.

HERB, YOU'RE IN CHARGE OF GETTING THOSE TURKEYS.

YOU GOT 'EM, BIG GUY.

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE THIS THING MIGHT WORK OUT FOR CARLSON AFTER ALL.

HE'S GOT TWO TURKEYS WITH HIM ALREADY.

, GENTLEMEN, TOMORROW IS TURKEY DAY.

OOH! CAN ALMOST FEEL THAT ELECTRICITY IN THE AIR.

I THINK I COULD FEEL IT TOO, MR. CARLSON,

IF YOU'D LET ME KNOW JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING ABOUT IT. WHAT?

AND LET EVERY STATION IN THIS TOWN FIND OUT ABOUT IT? NO, SIRREE.

USE A HAIRCUT, LES.

DID YOU GET THOSE TURKEYS? YEAH, BUT IT WASN'T EASY.

WHEN THAT FARMER ASKED ME WHAT I WANTED WITH 20 LIVE TURKEYS,

I HAD TO DO SOME PRETTY FAST TALKING, LET ME TELL YOU.

- WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM? - I TOLD HIM IT WAS A SECRET.

THAT'S PRETTY FAST, HERB. YEAH.

BOY. UH, JENNIFER, WOULD YOU COME IN, PLEASE?

GENTLEMEN, AS I SPEAK, JOHNNY FEVER IS ON THE AIR...

ON THE AIR TELLING THE WORLD ABOUT ONE OF THE GREATEST EVENTS IN GOBBLER HISTORY.

YOU WANT ME, MR. CARLSON? OH, YEAH. COME IN, JENNIFER.

UH, HAVE A SEAT. NO, THANK YOU.

WELL, ALL RIGHT. AT THIS PARTICULAR POINT IN TIME,

- I WOULD LIKE TO DICTATE A PRESS RELEASE. - I DON'T TAKE DICTATION.

WHAT? WELL, ALL RIGHT. I GUESS I CAN DO THIS THING MYSELF.

IT'S PROBABLY GONNA BE A LONG MEETING, SO WHY DON'T YOU GET COFFEE FOR ALL THE GUYS?

I DON'T GET COFFEE, MR. CARLSON. WE AGREED.

- OH, YEAH. - YOU HAVE TO DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE.

DRAW THAT LINE.

WILL THERE BE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN DO?

NO, I THINK THAT ABOUT DOES IT.

- THANK YOU. - OH, NO. THANK YOU.

HOW DID SHE GET AWAY WITH THAT? ARE YOU KIDDING?

ALL RIGHT, GENTLEMEN, TOMORROW'S THE BIG DAY.

I THINK WE OUGHT TO REVIEW OUR ASSIGNMENTS. LES, YOU HAVE THOSE REMOTE LINES?

YES, SIR. AND I'VE HAD A BIG BANNER MADE UP WITH THE STATION CALL LETTERS ON IT...

W... K... R... P.

EXCUSE ME, SIR. WHY DOES LES HAVE TO DO A REMOTE?

BECAUSE THIS PROMOTION IS NEWS, ANDY... BIG NEWS.

ALL RIGHT, TRAVIS. UH, THE NEWSPAPER'S COMING?

NOPE. NO?

NO, THEY SAID THAT GIVING AWAY TURKEYS WASN'T THEIR IDEA OF NEWS.

WHY, THOSE FOOLS.

THEY'LL BE SORRY. THIS EVENT'S GONNA SET THE TOWN ON ITS EAR.

MR. CARLSON... SIR, THIS IS YOUR PROMOTION,

AND I RESPECT THAT, BUT DON'T YOU THINK...

YOU SHOULD LET US KNOW SOME OF THE DETAILS?

OURS IS NOT TO WONDER WHY, TRAVIS. RIGHT.

LES? YES, SIR?

YOU GET OUT THERE AND TAKE CARE OF THE SHOPPING CENTER.

- TRAVIS, TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING HERE AT THE STATION. - WHERE ARE YOU GONNA BE?

OOH, I'LL BE AROUND.

ALL RIGHT, GENTLEMEN, LET'S GET OUT THERE AND WIN ONE FOR WKRP.

GIVE 'EM THE OLD RAH-RAH SIS-BOOM-BAH STUFF, GUYS.

WE'LL REALLY WHIP THIS PLACE INTO SHAPE.

UH, BIG GUY, I...

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THESE OTHER GUYS,

BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON ME.

I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT. I DO, HERB.

BY THE WAY, WHERE WILL I BE? I WANT YOU RIGHT THERE WITH ME.

BY MY SIDE.

I'M LIKE A SON TO HIM.

LISTEN, MAN. YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON?

NOPE. BUT IN FIVE MINUTES, WE'RE GONNA FIND OUT WHAT'S HAPPENING.

- WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE HE'S UP TO? - CARLSON? I DON'T KNOW.

YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE FOR THE BIG WIG PROMOTION.

- WHAT HAPPENED? - WELL,

UH, NATURALLY, IT DIDN'T WORK.

AND WE ENDED UP WITH A WAREHOUSE FULL OF WIGS.

CARLSON...

HE COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET RID OF 'EM TILL THE GUATEMALAN EARTHQUAKE.

- SAY WHAT? - WELL, THE RED CROSS CALLED OUT,

YOU KNOW, FOR, UH, BLANKETS, CLOTHES... ANYTHING.

SO CARLSON, OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF HIS HEART,

SHIPPED THESE DESTITUTE EARTHQUAKE VICTIMS IN GUATEMALA...

3,000 BLONDE STRETCH WIGS.

I STILL HAVE THIS PICTURE IN MY MIND OF...

QUAKE VICTIMS STUMBLING THROUGH THE RUBBLE,

ALL LOOKING LIKE DOLLY PARTON.

OKAY, JOHNNY, YOU READY FOR WHATEVER?

UH, ALWAYS.

LES, YOU STILL THERE?

YES, JOHNNY. YOU SEE ANYTHING YET?

UH, WELL, NO. THERE'S QUITE A CROWD THOUGH. WHERE'S THE BIG GUY?

I DON'T KNOW WHERE CARLSON IS. BUT WE'RE

COMING TO YOU RIGHT AFTER THIS RECORD, OKAY?

OKAY, NO PROBLEM. I CAN HANDLE IT.

OKAY. REAL CLOSE. ♪♪

♪♪ ALL RIGHT, FELLOW BABIES,

AND NOW IT'S TIME TO GO TO OUR LIVE REMOTE MAN ON THE SCENE...

AT THE PINEDALE SHOPPING MALL FOR THE BIG WKRP TURKEY GIVEAWAY.

SO TAKE IT AWAY, LES NESSMAN.

THIS IS LES NESSMAN, YOUR MAN ON THE SCENE HERE AT THE PINEDALE SHOPPING CENTER,

WHERE THE EXCITEMENT IS MOUNTING.

WE'RE HERE TO WITNESS THE BIG WKRP... HEY, YOU...

TURKEY THANKSGIVING GIVEAWAY.

HEY, YOU GOT PERMISSION TO BE OUT HERE? WHAT?

YOU'RE BLOCKING MY STORE HERE, BUDDY.

DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM? UH-UH.

I'M LES NESSMAN. I WON THE BUCKEYE NEWSHAWK AWARD LAST YEAR.

GOOD FOR YOU, BUCKEYE. NOW GET OUT OF MY DOORWAY.

I'M SORRY. CREEP.

SO FAR, SO GOOD, HUH?

I'M HERE WITH HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE GATHERED TO WITNESS...

WHAT HAS BEEN DESCRIBED AS PERHAPS THE GREATEST TURKEY EVENT...

IN THANKSGIVING DAY HISTORY.

ALL WE KNOW FOR SURE IS THAT IN A VERY FEW MOMENTS,

THERE ARE GOING TO BE A LOT OF HAPPY PEOPLE OUT HERE.

NOW THE CROWD IS...

THE CROWD IS, UH, CURIOUS BUT WELL-BEHAVED.

AND I THINK I HEAR SOMETHING NOW.

UH, THE CROWD IS MOVING OUT INTO THE PARKING AREA. AND...

OH, YES. I CAN SEE IT NOW. IT'S A...

I-IT'S A HELICOPTER.

- AND IT'S COMING THIS WAY. - A HELICOPTER?

IT'S FLYING SOMETHING BEHIND IT. I CAN'T QUITE MAKE IT OUT.

IT'S A LARGE BANNER, AND IT SAYS, UH,

"HAPPY... "THANKS... "GIVING... "FROM W...

"K... R... P."

WHAT A SIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. WHAT A SIGHT.

THE COPTER SEEMS TO BE CIRCLING THE PARKING AREA NOW.

I GUESS IT'S LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO LAND.

NO, SOMETHING JUST CAME OUT OF THE BACK OF THE HELICOPTER.

IT'S A... A DARK OBJECT. UH...

PERHAPS A SKYDIVER PLUMMETING TO THE EARTH FROM ONLY 2,000 FEET INTO THE AIR.

THERE'S A SECOND AND A THIRD.

THERE'S NO PARACHUTES YET.

THOSE CAN'T BE SKYDIVERS.

I CAN'T TELL JUST YET WHAT THEY ARE, BUT...

OH, MY GOD! THEY'RE TURKEYS!

OH, NO! JOHNNY, CAN YOU GET THIS?

OH, THEY'RE CRASHING TO THE EARTH RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR EYES!

ONE JUST WENT THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD OF A PARKED CAR! JOHNNY, THIS IS TERRIBLE.

THE CROWD IS RUNNING AROUND PUSHING EACH OTHER. OH, MY GOODNESS!

OH, THE HUMANITY!

ALL THE PEOPLE ARE RUNNING ABOUT.

THE TURKEYS ARE HITTING THE GROUND LIKE SACKS OF WET CEMENT.

HONESTLY, FOLKS, I... I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER...

THE CROWD IS RUNNING FOR THEIR LIVES.

I THINK I'M GOING TO STEP INSIDE.

I CAN'T STAY OUT HERE AND WATCH THIS ANY LONGER.

NO, I CAN'T GO IN THERE.

CHILDREN ARE SEARCHING FOR THEIR MOTHERS, AND...

OH, NOT SINCE THE HINDENBURG TRAGEDY HAS THERE BEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS.

I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN HOLD MY POSITION HERE, JOHNNY.

THE CROWD... LES? LES? LES, ARE YOU THERE?

LES ISN'T THERE.

THANKS FOR THAT ON-THE-SPOT REPORT, LES.

AND, UM, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO JUST TUNED IN,

THE PINEDALE SHOPPING MALL HAS JUST BEEN BOMBED WITH LIVE TURKEYS.

FILM AT 11:00.

♪♪

YEAH. NO, MIS... LOOK, MR. MAYOR,

YES, THERE WAS SOME DAMAGE, SIR, BUT NO ONE WAS HURT.

MR. COLLIE, WE KNOW WHAT THE HUMANE SOCIETY STANDS FOR.

THE NATIONAL GUARD? NO, SIR. THE NATIONAL GUARD... I DON'T THINK IT'S THAT SERIOUS.

WELL, MR. COLLIE, A LOT OF TURKEYS DON'T MAKE IT THROUGH THANKSGIVING.

YES, YES, SIR. YES, SIR. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

YES. UH, GOOD-BYE.

THAT WAS THE HUMANE SOCIETY. THEY SOUNDED PRETTY UPSET.

OH, ANDY, WHY DID YOU LET MR. CARLSON DO THIS?

BECAUSE IT'S MR. CARLSON'S STATION.

THIS MAN MUST BE STOPPED BEFORE HE PROMOTES AGAIN.

LOOK, NOW LISTEN. MR. CARLSON WAS HERE AT WKRP WHEN WE WERE JUST KIDS.

AND I'LL BET YOU HE'S GONNA BE HERE LONG AFTER WE'RE ALL MOVED ON.

YEAH, BUT, ANDY... NOW, VENUS, IF WE CUT HIM OUT, WHAT'S THE POINT?

LOOK, WE'RE THE YOUNG ONES.

AND SOMETIMES I THINK WE'RE JUST A LITTLE BIT TOO CONCERNED ABOUT BEING NUMBER ONE.

NOW, MR. CARLSON, HE... WELL, HE'S JUST MR. CARLSON.

HE JUST WANTS TO BE A PART OF THINGS.

YEAH.

- IT SHOULD HAVE WORKED. - MR. CARLSON, CAN I HELP YOU?

NO, NO. I'M... I'M FINE.

HEY, MR. CARLSON...

UH, WHAT'S IT LIKE TO RIDE IN A HELICOPTER?

A LOT OF FUN. EXCUSE ME.

MR. CARLSON, COULD I GET YOU A CUP OF COFFEE?

WHAT?

UH, NO, THANK YOU, JENNIFER. WE AGREED. HMM?

SIR, IT WAS THE MOST UNUSUAL PROMOTION IDEA I EVER HEARD OF.

NEVER BEEN ANYTHING ELSE LIKE IT.

NO. NO, I DON'T SUPPOSE THERE HAS.

BUT I THOUGHT IT WOULD WORK.

I PLANNED THIS THING RIGHT DOWN TO THE LAST DETAIL. IT WAS PERFECT!

WHERE'D YOU GET THOSE BIRDS?

- LES! ARE YOU OKAY? - I DON'T KNOW.

A MAN AND HIS TWO CHILDREN TRIED TO KILL ME.

AFTER THE TURKEYS HIT THE PAVEMENT,

THE CROWD KIND OF SCATTERED, BUT...

SOME OF THEM TRIED TO ATTACK ME.

I HAD TO JAM MYSELF INTO A PHONE BOOTH.

THEN MR. CARLSON HAD THE HELICOPTER LAND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PARKING LOT.

I GUESS HE THOUGHT HE COULD SAVE THE DAY BY TURNING THE REST OF THE TURKEYS LOOSE.

IT GETS PRETTY STRANGE AFTER THAT.

NOW IT GETS STRANGE. YEAH, RIGHT.

UH, LES, COME ON NOW. TELL US THE REST.

I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE IT.

IT WAS LIKE THE TURKEYS MOUNTED A COUNTERATTACK.

IT WAS ALMOST AS IF THEY WERE... ORGANIZED.

AS GOD IS MY WITNESS,

I THOUGHT TURKEYS COULD FLY.

♪♪

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