Original subtitles

Ever since I was 10 years old, I always wanted to be a science fiction hero.

A captain of a really boss ship, you know, bombing around space and that.

And then one day I get the call, destroy the evil empire, save the princess.

But that never really happens because this is East End, isn't it?

I think it was the need to stretch myself that made me realise that nicking car stereos is wrong.

It's pointless, it's a small time.

Let's go. Come on, man.

Punch it, Chewy.

Got to be some booty in here, man.

Oh no, man.

Guess what?

Alright.

Booty in here.

I can call my uncle in India, man.

I'll check this out, man.

What, what, what, what?

This is working.

What is it?

It's a laptop computer, man.

I see, I told you, man.

Think big and big things will happen to you.

It's like a treasure trove in here, you know what I'm saying?

Rip up the floorboards, man, rip up the floorboards.

You see, with my ideas, the thing is that you have to...

Hello?

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, I...

Yeah, okay, then.

Yeah, sorry about that, man.

So that wasn't the princess, was it?

That was the owner of the vehicle.

And the semi-automatic weapon.

So?

We're dead, then?

No, sir.

I just want to say...

This is the best one yet, man.

This is your finest moment ever.

No, listen up.

This is perfect.

I think it was the need to stretch myself that got me and my mate shot.

No, listen to me, right?

I've got an idea.

What we tell him is...

We?

We.

Okay, well, I'll tell him.

Right.

I'll tell him.

Okay.

It was just a mistake, innit?

Simple mistake, man.

Yeah, no.

Every day, cars get neckless.

Well, an idea is, man, you ain't got many good ones.

No, no, no, no.

Look, I say, "Mr. Bonecrusher."

Whoa, whoa.

What did you say his name was?

Brother.

We are all victims of the same hostile society.

Which flyover would you appear like to be buried in?

We wish...

We should be standing together against our mutual enemies

not fighting amongst ourselves like common criminals.

I mean, like top criminals, the best criminals.

What we don't realize is that deep down we all want the same thing.

It's peace, innit?

Just let the Wookiee win.

He is a very violent fellow in my place.

I've changed my mind about you two.

Something in the mint, sir.

Is that the one where you can see your feet coming out the other side?

Jesus Christ!

They'll never take me alive!

Jesus Christ!

Thank you, Mr. 496.

Oh, thank you.

Come on.

Come on, that's it.

You missed it, man.

The greatest, most audacious hack ever.

Now it's just a simple process of grafting our new recruits' physical characteristics

onto our existing wireframes and retasking the AI processor to calculate...

How long?

I'm just waiting for some new prisoners to be processed.

It's been a long time since we've been here.

It's been a long time since we've been here.

You missed it, man.

The greatest, most audacious hack ever.

Now it's just a simple process of grafting our new recruits' physical characteristics

onto our existing wireframes and retasking the AI processor to calculate...

How long?

I'm just waiting for some new prisoners to be processed.

I don't think we're meant to be here.

I don't think we're meant to be here.

I don't think we're meant to be here.

I think we're meant to be here.

I think we're meant to be here.

I think we're meant to be here.

I think we're meant to be here.

I think we're meant to be here.

I think we're meant to be here.

I think we're meant to be here.

I think we're meant to be here.

I think we're meant to be here.

I think we're meant to be here.

I think we're meant to be here.

I think we're meant to be here.

I think we're meant to be here.

I think we're meant to be here.

I think we're meant to be here.

I think we're meant to be here.

I think we're meant to be here.

Now, what's the saying because things have come a long way since we were last in jail, huh?

All this high tech makes you feel kind of special, doesn't it?

You know what we should do?

What?

We should make this technology work for us.

Transfer activities to the internet, like everyone else.

We'll be like dot com.

Oh yeah, we should have a meeting about it.

You know, I always wanted to be a science fiction hero.

We should be standing together against our mutual enemies.

Increase the peace, man.

Destroy the evil empire.

Save the princess.

Same thing, it's peace, innit?

Relax, man.

The money's safe.

Those profiles are goldust.

No programmer can ever match the realism of using real people.

We're talking digital clones.

This is going to blow the internet game competition clean out of the water.

You're sitting on the most revolutionary computer game in history.

Wait, it's finished one already.

This guy is nasty.

Check out his MO.

He'll never take me alive.

He's really going to give gamers a run for their money.

Wait, here's another.

Increase the peace, man.

This one's a dud.

Must be a stray file, I'll delete him.

No, no, no, no.

Increase the peace, man.

I have to consider the issue of representation.

There's a lot of brown pounds out there.

Anyway, we need some easy targets for beginners.

Don?

What about his mate to keep him company?

Let's go home.

Yeah, why not?

He's going to need all the help he can get in there.

Let's go home.

What about memories?

No problem.

They'll have no memories of the real world.

Just like newborn babies.

They'll accept their new world because it's the only one they know.

Your world.

Then let there be light.

You'll never take me alive.

Increase the peace.

Let's go home.

Let's go home.

Princess.

Princess.

Inferno.

Abandon hope you enter.

Shield acquired.

Chain gun acquired.

Reactorium soldiers, into your positions.

Are you Indian?

Yeah.

Get up.

Get up.

Get up.

All right.

All right.

I like pizza.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah.

You're going to take the stash, boys.

You're friendly with your life.

Then three runners.

Lockdown commencing.

Don't shoot.

It's the princess.

Retrieve treasure.

Time for act.

Right.

I'll sort this out.

No, leave it to me.

No, wait.

What's the use of treasure if you're not around to spend it?

Treasure acquired.

Secret weapon acquired.

The more real they are, the more fun it is to kill them.

That's one youngster's explanation for the explosive success of Inferno,

a revolutionary new computer game that uses artificial intelligence

to create blinking characters.

How's the new game?

Looks pretty exciting.

Well, maybe for the love of Dad, we'd have to start getting out.

New game.

Shit.

Take your positions.

You're going to take a stash, boys.

Be spending with your lives.

Which flyover would you like?

Quick.

What the fuck's there?

It's over, man.

You did the right thing.

Let's go home.

Well, cheer up.

Still got the treasure.

Well, she did kill me, you know.

Listen, man.

Game reloading.

Princess, hey, hey, listen, listen up.

Hey, princess, princess, don't you, I surrender.

You all right?

What were we running for?

I had a situation under control, innit?

Could they know?

Killing it doesn't help.

It just makes it start again, and it hurts.

Well, I'm not waiting around for your girlfriend to find us.

Come on, girlfriend.

I'm not going back.

No, man, it's like you said.

What good is the treasure if you're not around to spend it?

Look, we'll go back, we'll talk to her, we'll start a dialogue.

Well, you may not have noticed, but your girlfriend ain't a big talker.

Look, she's not-- you know, it's exactly people like you that made her that way.

Look, look, I bet if someone just showed her a little bit of tenderness,

she'd realize that all this anger is useless.

Yeah, all we have to do is talk to her and then--

I'm going home.

What home?

I think this is where I'm from.

The land they call the Layton Orient.

It must be beyond these-- through these mountains.

The Layton Orient doesn't exist, man.

It's a fairy tale.

No way, man.

The Layton Orient is real.

That's where we should be.

It's where our dreams become life.

Where peace reigns and the lion hangs out with the lamb and--

What old is lamb and lion?

Stop running away.

Just come with me and we can work it out, innit?

You'd better take this.

Okay, I've got an idea.

We'll say--

We?

Okay, I'll say increase the peace.

Don't shoot. We surrender.

The gold is yours.

We don't want it anymore.

Keep it, honestly.

We just want to live in peace because we love you.

Because we love you.

Only days after its launch,

the new artificially intelligent computer game Inferno has evolved non-violent opponents.

Because we love you.

In scenes reminiscent of its launch, people queued up to return the faulty shoot 'em up.

The recall spells disaster for its makers, Creatrix Software,

who are also at the center of a police investigation regarding data protection offenses.

See, I nearly had him, man.

Oh, yeah, right.

Yeah, man, did you see me?

Oh, no, no, you know those two coppers back there.

I'm mashing them, you know.

It's all in your dreams, man.

But did you see me? I was like, "Gee, can do."

Nothing.

You can't say that, man.

You can't say that.

I'll hit you.

You hit me. I'll grab your hand.

I'll wing-chung me.

Yeah, yeah.

I think not.

I don't think.

Feel.

Yeah, right.

Leave it now.

Yeah, chah, man.

Freedom.

Nice.