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1
00:00:07,241 --> 00:00:08,609
(Leeves)
Hot in Cleveland
2
00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,578
is recorded in front
of a live studio audience.
3
00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:13,181
Owen, calm down.
4
00:00:13,181 --> 00:00:15,015
I'm just a little tense
5
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,651
because I've got something
big to tell my mom.
6
00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:19,553
I'm getting married.
7
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:21,789
Congratulations!
8
00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:23,924
Who's the lucky guy?
9
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:28,596
Guy?
Elka, I'm not gay.
10
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:29,997
Huh.
11
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:35,203
I have a son...with a woman.
12
00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:37,471
Whatever.
13
00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:40,108
The thing is,
you know how my mom
14
00:00:40,108 --> 00:00:41,975
and her friends
do crazy stuff?
15
00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:44,044
I just want to make sure
they don't embarrass me
16
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,779
at the wedding.
17
00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:47,548
Hi, Owen.
18
00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:54,222
Bob and I are going undercover
at a swingers' sex club.
19
00:00:54,222 --> 00:00:56,324
Yeah, today we're not
Mom and Bob.
20
00:00:56,324 --> 00:00:58,692
We're Julie and Stash.
21
00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:02,230
Owen, are you okay?
22
00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:03,364
Is something wrong?
23
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:05,399
I got engaged to Andrea.
24
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,568
That's fantastic!
25
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,870
Ow!
26
00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:12,473
What can I do to help?
Name it; it's done.
27
00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:15,776
Well, Andi's parents
are a little conservative,
28
00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:18,979
so could you and your friends
not make a scene at the wedding?
29
00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:21,482
Okay, got it, no scenes.
30
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,718
Oh, hi, Owen.
This is Barry.
31
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:27,455
My ex-husband, Clark,
is on expedition in Africa,
32
00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:29,757
so I have custody of our parrot
for a while.
33
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:31,792
Victoria, wonderful news.
34
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,194
Owen's getting married.
35
00:01:33,194 --> 00:01:35,363
Oh, congratulations.
36
00:01:35,363 --> 00:01:37,165
(Barry)
Oh, congratulations.
37
00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:39,333
He repeats everything
he hears.
38
00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:42,570
Joy's too old
for leather shorts.
39
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:48,576
Oh, good, somebody lend me
20 bucks so I can pay the cab.
40
00:01:48,576 --> 00:01:49,943
I'll explain
in a minute.
41
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,279
Thanks.
42
00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:58,719
I have a summons
for Elka Ostrovsky.
43
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:01,189
You were seen speeding
44
00:02:01,189 --> 00:02:02,923
down Euclid Avenue
shooting paintballs
45
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:05,193
at women in fur coats.
46
00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:07,328
That was not me.
47
00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:08,729
We have your driver,
Mamie Sue Johnson's
48
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:10,198
signed confession.
49
00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:13,601
My wheel man squealed.
50
00:02:16,404 --> 00:02:18,739
Okay, so I meet this great guy
last night,
51
00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,107
and I stay at his place.
52
00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:21,275
And then
he has to leave early,
53
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:22,676
so I go outside
to get the newspaper,
54
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:24,812
and then the door locks
behind me.
55
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,680
Lucky me, it's trash day,
so I just made a dress
56
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,249
out of this trash bag.
57
00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:30,318
But don't look in the back;
there's a weird hole.
58
00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:31,752
Weird hole?
59
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:36,990
Well, Owen, I see now why
you might be a little worried
60
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:40,228
that Joy and her friends will
embarrass you at the wedding.
61
00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:41,595
Wedding?
You're getting married?
62
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:44,465
Oh, yay! Yay, oh.
63
00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:45,766
Is your father coming?
64
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:47,501
Uh, no,
I tried to reach him,
65
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,937
but he's embedded
in Afghanistan.
66
00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:52,540
Bob, I was wondering
if you wanted to give the toast
67
00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:54,242
at the rehearsal dinner.
68
00:02:54,242 --> 00:02:57,110
Give the toast?
69
00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:59,413
Well, I'd--I'd love to.
70
00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:04,318
Oh, no.
I'm ruining my sex makeup.
71
00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:12,092
(band)
* Ba-ba, ba-ba
72
00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:15,296
* Ba-ba, ba-ba
73
00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:16,597
* Hey!
74
00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:18,599
Won't this be
a beautiful rehearsal dinner?
75
00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:20,268
Victoria's picking up
the ring.
76
00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:21,769
Melanie's getting the cake.
77
00:03:21,769 --> 00:03:24,838
Bob's flight arrives
in a few hours.
78
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:26,740
Everything is perfect.
79
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:28,141
I got the cake.
80
00:03:28,141 --> 00:03:29,943
Ooh, how did it turn out?
81
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:32,680
You know how Owen's fiancée
wanted a fairy tale-themed cake
82
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,415
with a castle and turrets?
83
00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:35,983
I'm sure it's fine.
84
00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:37,551
I'm probably seeing something
that's not even there.
85
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:47,995
Oh, my God.
86
00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:50,130
I was excited to see the cake,
87
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:53,301
but it looks like the cake
is excited to see me.
88
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:57,305
Hello, everyone.
89
00:03:57,305 --> 00:03:58,672
Oh, wow.
90
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:01,675
Hung like a horse.
91
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:03,477
Barry!
92
00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:06,647
Okay, fine.
93
00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:09,817
Last night, I watched a movie
called Hung Like a Horse.
94
00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:11,151
I thought it was gonna be
a Western,
95
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:13,887
but it turned out to be porn.
96
00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:16,390
How long did you watch it
before you figured it out?
97
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:18,025
Two hours.
98
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:20,861
(Owen)
Mom, are you in there?
99
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:23,130
Oh, my God, Owen's here.
Hide the cake.
100
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,832
What's wrong with the cak--
101
00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:27,034
holy crap!
102
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,236
Cover that thing up.
103
00:04:29,236 --> 00:04:30,938
Andi and her parents
are right behind me.
104
00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:35,943
Uh-oh.
105
00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:38,612
Hello. You must be Andi.
I'm Joy.
106
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:39,613
Oh!
107
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:42,450
Great to meet you, Joy.
108
00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:44,084
Oh, your hands are so soft.
109
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:45,085
What's your secret?
110
00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:46,554
Vaseline Intensive Care.
111
00:04:46,554 --> 00:04:49,390
Yours are so soft too.
What's your secret?
112
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,625
I'm 28?
113
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,563
Mom, these are Andi's parents,
Gerald and Maureen.
114
00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:56,830
It's a pleasure.
115
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:57,965
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
116
00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,567
And these are
my mom's friends.
117
00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:01,469
There's Melanie and--
118
00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:03,203
and Elka.
119
00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:07,575
Excuse me.
Is that real fur?
120
00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:09,643
Of course.
I'd never wear faux.
121
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,412
So tacky, right?
122
00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:13,614
Super tacky.
123
00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:19,387
See you tonight
at the big party.
124
00:05:19,387 --> 00:05:21,655
Tonight at the big party.
125
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,530
Did you see that fur coat?
126
00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:33,534
Why didn't I bring
my paintball gun?
127
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,002
Victoria?
128
00:05:37,405 --> 00:05:39,473
Why did you dive
under the table?
129
00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:42,075
I don't remember.
No reason.
130
00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:43,677
Okay,
we have a bigger problem.
131
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,713
I was on the elevator with Andi
a little while ago.
132
00:05:45,713 --> 00:05:47,214
I didn't know it was her,
133
00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:48,649
and I overheard her
telling her mom
134
00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:49,950
that she's got cold feet.
135
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,419
What if she's calling off
the wedding?
136
00:05:51,419 --> 00:05:52,520
What are we gonna do?
137
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,822
Absolutely nothing,
that's what.
138
00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:56,424
Plenty of brides get cold feet.
139
00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:57,925
It's perfectly normal.
140
00:05:57,925 --> 00:06:01,328
We are not going to get involved
and risk embarrassing Owen.
141
00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:02,696
Agreed.
142
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:05,566
Do you know where
the nearest paint store is?
143
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,603
So, honey, you still
want to go shoe shopping
144
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:10,971
before the ceremony?
145
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:12,339
No, I'll wear the sandals.
146
00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:13,974
They go with my dress,
147
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:16,209
and I'm not really worried
about having cold feet anymore.
148
00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:20,881
Sweetheart, your flight
got in early.
149
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,516
Mm-hmm.
150
00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:26,086
How about I come join you?
151
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,689
Mm-hmm.
152
00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:35,863
Simon!
153
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:40,868
Hello, Joy.
154
00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:42,470
What are you doing here?
155
00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:43,704
Our son's getting married.
156
00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:45,372
But you're supposed to be
in Afghanistan.
157
00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:46,874
I know.
158
00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:48,676
I thought about the whole
surprising-you-in-bed thing
159
00:06:48,676 --> 00:06:51,044
on the flight over,
and it worked.
160
00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:52,245
You seem surprised.
161
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:54,014
No, Simon.
162
00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,916
I'm with someone else now.
163
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,351
It's Mitch, isn't it,
that handsome devil?
164
00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,220
No, it's not Mitch.
It's Bob.
165
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:07,260
Seriously?
166
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,563
I'm in love with Bob,
167
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:12,265
and he's more man
than you'll ever be.
168
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,734
You sure?
169
00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:17,771
Joy, surprise.
170
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,173
I brought fudge
from the airpo--oh.
171
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:21,909
It's not what it looks like.
172
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:25,813
Bob, it's exactly
what it looks like.
173
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:27,715
Simon, I don't know
what you're thinking,
174
00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:29,583
but Joy is my woman now,
175
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:32,753
and if anyone's gonna be in bed
with her, it's gonna be me.
176
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,690
Now, I suggest you leave.
177
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:37,858
I'm not going anywhere.
178
00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:39,026
Oh, yes, you are.
179
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:39,960
- Oh, no, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
180
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,830
Stop it right now!
181
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:45,799
I can only handle one of you
at a time.
182
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,536
Mom?
183
00:07:48,536 --> 00:07:50,604
Owen.
184
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:52,372
Look, your dad's here.
185
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,343
And Bob.
186
00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:57,745
I can see that.
187
00:07:57,745 --> 00:08:01,915
I just came by to introduce you
to Reverend Matsuta,
188
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:03,951
who will be officiating
our wedding.
189
00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:08,255
Oh, my.
190
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:16,564
So typical of Simon
to appear without any warning.
191
00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:18,866
Well, the good news is,
Simon showing up
192
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:20,734
makes anything else
that might go wrong
193
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:23,036
seem so small.
194
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:26,306
Why do you say that?
195
00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:30,177
Okay, you know my job
was to pick up the wedding ring,
196
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:34,047
and, well, you know how parrots
are attracted to shiny things?
197
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:35,616
Barry ate the ring?
198
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:37,117
We're never gonna
get it back.
199
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,451
Oh, don't worry.
200
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:40,754
Found the exact same ring,
same size
201
00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:42,489
at a pawn shop downtown.
202
00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:43,657
Andi will never know.
203
00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:46,760
Look, there's even
a nice inscription.
204
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:50,063
"United in Satan."
Victoria!
205
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:53,901
Oh, I thought it said Santa.
206
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,803
Melanie, Elka, guess what.
207
00:08:55,803 --> 00:08:56,904
Simon's back.
208
00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:58,305
Really?
209
00:08:58,305 --> 00:09:01,074
Well, that makes
whatever else could go wrong now
210
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:02,810
seem so small.
211
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:05,012
Why does everybody
keep saying that?
212
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:06,479
Melanie, what did you do?
213
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:07,981
I didn't do anything.
214
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,817
Elka, on the other hand,
215
00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:11,852
snuck into Andi's mom's closet
216
00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:14,888
to ruin her fur coat
with spray paint.
217
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,457
But because it was so dark
in there, she accidentally
218
00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:20,928
spray-painted the only other
white thing in the closet.
219
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:25,966
"Murder"?
Oh, my God.
220
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:29,269
(Gerald)
Excuse me.
221
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:32,039
Ladies,
have any of you seen Andi?
222
00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:34,407
My wife says she's a bundle
of nerves.
223
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:35,408
Is that
my daughter's wedding dress?
224
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,409
Can I take a little peek?
225
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,645
What?
226
00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:40,080
No, no,
this is a wedding dress,
227
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,850
but it's actually my dress
for the wedding.
228
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:46,219
You're wearing a wedding dress
to the wedding?
229
00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:50,190
Now that I hear it,
it's a terrible idea.
230
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:51,659
I'll wear something else.
231
00:09:51,659 --> 00:09:54,094
Disaster averted.
Thank you.
232
00:09:57,998 --> 00:09:59,933
Victoria,
why do you keep hiding
233
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,468
every time
you see Andi's father?
234
00:10:01,468 --> 00:10:03,637
Hiding?
I'm not hiding.
235
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:06,106
Women went under the table all
the time in Hung Like a Horse,
236
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,607
and no one said anything.
237
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,482
Whatever head game
you're playing, stop it now.
238
00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:17,484
Elka, keep your fur politics
to yourself.
239
00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:19,820
And, Melanie,
fix the cake.
240
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,188
I'll take this
to the hotel cleaners
241
00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:22,790
and see if they can repair it.
242
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:24,491
Oh, poor Joy.
243
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:26,126
I wish there was something
we could do
244
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,394
to make up for our mistakes.
245
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:29,062
Cold feet, cold feet.
246
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:31,464
Barry's right!
Andi's cold feet.
247
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,366
Her dad even said
that she's got the jitters.
248
00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:35,368
She's definitely thinking
of calling off this wedding.
249
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:38,071
We could really help Joy
by talking to Andi
250
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:40,708
and calming her down
and easing her through it.
251
00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:43,911
But Joy told us
not to get involved.
252
00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:45,612
Yes, she did.
253
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:48,048
I had a lot
of wedding jitters,
254
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:49,549
but I went through with it,
255
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:51,551
and it worked out just fine.
256
00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:54,121
Of course, I did
get divorced, you know,
257
00:10:54,121 --> 00:10:57,357
but our marriage
had the stress of children.
258
00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:59,259
Owen already has a child.
259
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,828
Right.
260
00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:06,299
Andi, I know a little
about pre-wedding nerves.
261
00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:07,868
I've been married six times.
262
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:12,405
Seven, if you count my marriage
to your future mother-in-law.
263
00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:14,141
You were married to Joy?
264
00:11:14,141 --> 00:11:16,910
Never consummated.
265
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:21,548
I just want you to know,
I do believe Owen is straight.
266
00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:25,352
You thought Owen was gay?
267
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:26,954
Totally.
268
00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:29,356
But that shouldn't even
enter your mind.
269
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,892
- It didn't.
- Don't let it.
270
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:35,162
Jerry, no one
can know about us,
271
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:36,864
especially
at your daughter's wedding.
272
00:11:36,864 --> 00:11:37,965
(Gerald)
But I don't know how long
273
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:39,967
I can keep this secret
from my wife.
274
00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:42,069
Well, but if she finds out,
then the press will find out,
275
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:44,204
and then it'll be everywhere.
276
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,273
Okay.
277
00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:48,809
Thank you.
You are a dear, sweet man.
278
00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:50,043
I could kiss you right now.
279
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:55,048
And surely you understand
why this has to be a secret.
280
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,217
I mean, if people find out
we went to high school together,
281
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,186
they'll figure out
my true age.
282
00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:01,421
But your friends
must know your true age.
283
00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:05,358
They know a true age,
not the true age.
284
00:12:07,694 --> 00:12:09,429
Oh, damn it, you're dressed.
285
00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:13,967
Simon, you can't keep
barging into my room.
286
00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:15,936
And why are you wearing a kilt?
287
00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:18,405
It's for the rehearsal dinner.
288
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:19,907
That's another thing
you and I have in common:
289
00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:23,110
we both have the legs
to pull off a skirt.
290
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:25,712
Stop flirting with me.
291
00:12:25,712 --> 00:12:27,514
You can't charm your way
back into my life.
292
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,282
I'm with someone else now.
293
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,118
I plan to change that.
294
00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:33,686
Tonight I'm gonna
make a toast to first love,
295
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:35,522
like Owen and Andi,
like you and me.
296
00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:36,523
Simon--
297
00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:38,025
Joy, we're a family.
298
00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:39,259
What more could a boy want
299
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:40,828
than his parents
to get back together?
300
00:12:40,828 --> 00:12:44,131
Let's make this
a perfect wedding for our son.
301
00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:46,666
Oh, damn it!
302
00:12:46,666 --> 00:12:48,001
The dry cleaner
can't get "murder"
303
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:49,402
out of the wedding dress.
304
00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:51,438
- What?
- Never mind.
305
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:52,372
I've got to go down there.
306
00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:57,277
Simon.
307
00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:02,549
Bob.
308
00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:04,885
Are you coloring your hair?
309
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:07,320
That's not important.
310
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:11,658
What is important is, I heard
everything you said to Joy,
311
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:13,726
and I think
you're absolutely right.
312
00:13:13,726 --> 00:13:15,262
You do?
313
00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:18,031
Yes,
you're her first love.
314
00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:19,566
She's never gonna
get over that.
315
00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:23,336
It's time for me to accept
that fact and move on.
316
00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:26,473
I'm gonna get dressed
and get out of Joy's life.
317
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,876
Oh, one more thing.
318
00:13:28,876 --> 00:13:30,310
Owen's wedding ring
319
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,179
is in the pocket
of my suit in that closet.
320
00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:33,646
Why don't you get it?
321
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:36,349
You should be the one
to present it at the wedding.
322
00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:38,785
Sure.
323
00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:40,287
And thank you.
324
00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:49,997
Hey, what's going on?
325
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,102
And I'd like to thank my mom
326
00:13:55,102 --> 00:13:58,705
for a wonderful, uneventful
evening.
327
00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:00,040
- Hear, hear.
- Hear, hear.
328
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,608
I guess all that's left
is the cake.
329
00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:03,911
The cake is fine, right?
330
00:14:03,911 --> 00:14:04,978
Don't worry.
331
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:06,379
I was very explicit
with the baker.
332
00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:09,749
I told him absolutely
no penis on this cake.
333
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:18,391
Oh, my.
334
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:22,262
There's "absolutely no penis"
on this cake.
335
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:26,366
I miss them too.
336
00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:32,405
No, that's what it says
on the cake:
337
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:35,408
"absolutely no penis."
338
00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:40,747
Mom?
339
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:42,349
No, no, no, no, honey,
I can explain.
340
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:45,185
See, the first cake
was a fairy tale cake
341
00:14:45,185 --> 00:14:46,586
with a castle and turrets
342
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:48,956
that looked like,
well, penises.
343
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,359
But I told the baker
on this cake,
344
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:53,593
absolutely no penis,
345
00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:55,328
and he, you know,
took me literally.
346
00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,865
Well, Reverend,
I suppose there's nothing sinful
347
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:00,467
about eating a cake like that.
348
00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:02,169
Just the calories.
349
00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:08,741
Everyone, I know
Simon was planning
350
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,110
to make the toast tonight,
351
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:11,611
but he doesn't seem
to be here at the moment.
352
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:15,115
I--I guess he had
something better to do,
353
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:16,816
not to besmirch
the name of the man
354
00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:18,718
who knocked Joy up
as a teenager, left her,
355
00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:22,189
and returned several times
just to break her heart again.
356
00:15:22,189 --> 00:15:23,590
But I digress.
357
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:26,626
To love.
358
00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:31,598
(Simon)
First love.
Here's to first love!
359
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:32,799
Simon?
360
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:34,034
Where are you?
361
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:39,372
(Simon)
I'm up above in the air duct!
362
00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:41,008
Bob locked me in the closet,
363
00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:44,011
but I burst through the ceiling
and crawled my way over here.
364
00:15:44,011 --> 00:15:48,015
What a ridiculous story
from a ridiculous man.
365
00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:49,782
You know,
on this happy occasion,
366
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:52,485
it's hard not to think
of the great Canadian comedian
367
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:55,388
Howard "Howie" Mandel.
368
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:58,758
(Simon)
Or the great Scottish poet
Shirley MacLaine, who said:
369
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:07,234
Scottish?
Sounds like Klingon.
370
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,105
Joy is mine now, Simon.
371
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:13,506
She's never coming back to you.
372
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,508
She'll be mine again, Bob.
373
00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:17,044
You wait and see.
374
00:16:17,044 --> 00:16:18,245
Stop it.
375
00:16:18,245 --> 00:16:19,646
You're ruining
the rehearsal dinner.
376
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,848
It doesn't matter.
377
00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:23,650
There's not gonna be a wedding.
378
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:26,053
Andi, what are you saying?
379
00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:28,788
Melanie and Victoria and Elka
came to my room this afternoon
380
00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:30,457
and changed my mind
about getting married.
381
00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:33,126
- You what?
- Oh, no, Andi.
382
00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:35,095
We were reassuring you
that marriage is good,
383
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:37,297
because in the elevator,
you said you had cold feet.
384
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:38,731
What?
385
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:40,267
I was talking about
whether I should wear sandals
386
00:16:40,267 --> 00:16:42,535
with my wedding dress,
'cause my feet might be cold.
387
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:47,107
Oh.
388
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:50,410
Owen, the other reason I can't
go through with the wedding is,
389
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:51,944
how can I believe in marriage
390
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:54,181
when my own father is
having an affair with Victoria?
391
00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:56,349
What?
392
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,650
Don't deny it.
393
00:16:57,650 --> 00:16:59,219
I overheard you two whispering
in the hall.
394
00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:01,088
(Gerald)
Oh, no, sweetheart.
395
00:17:01,088 --> 00:17:04,257
We're not--we are not
having an affair.
396
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:06,793
Victoria and I were whispering
397
00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:08,461
because we went
to high school together,
398
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:09,996
and she was begging me
399
00:17:09,996 --> 00:17:12,932
not to tell everyone
that we graduated in 19--
400
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,671
Well, nice scene, Mom.
401
00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:20,540
You promised
you wouldn't embarrass me.
402
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:21,608
I'm sorry, Owen.
403
00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:23,610
But this time, I'm gonna fix it.
404
00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:27,247
Everyone, sit down
and be quiet.
405
00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:31,184
Andi, you're getting married
tomorrow,
406
00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:32,952
because you love my son.
407
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:37,023
But no wedding is perfect,
because love isn't perfect.
408
00:17:37,023 --> 00:17:40,693
Tomorrow your dress
is going to say "murder" on it.
409
00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:50,770
And your wedding band
will read, "United in Satan."
410
00:17:54,307 --> 00:17:57,177
But none of that matters,
because you're in love,
411
00:17:57,177 --> 00:17:59,412
and people who are in love
should get married.
412
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:03,783
Which is why I'm not
marrying you, Simon.
413
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:04,917
I'm marrying Bob.
414
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,819
- You are?
- You are?
415
00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:08,188
You are?
416
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:11,391
Yes, I am.
417
00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:13,160
Is this a proposal?
418
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,161
No!
419
00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:15,995
Yes.
420
00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:18,165
Well, then let's
do this right.
421
00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:21,234
Joy...
422
00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:23,770
you're the most amazing woman
I've ever met.
423
00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:26,873
I love you, and I always will,
424
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:29,742
and I wish I had a ring
425
00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:31,678
to put on your beautiful
finger right now.
426
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:44,891
Well, seems the bride's
real ring has been...released.
427
00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:48,060
So I can give you this one.
428
00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:50,697
Joy, will you marry me?
429
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:53,400
Oh, Bob, yes.
430
00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:03,042
Congratulations.
431
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:05,912
Speaking of weddings,
can we get back to mine?
432
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:09,249
Does this mean
that there might be one?
433
00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:10,517
Yes.
434
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:12,051
Oh, thank God,
435
00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:13,786
because even though my mom
and her friends
436
00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:15,121
will always be around
437
00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:19,726
and no one will be more insane
than they are,
438
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:22,462
no one will ever love you
more than I do.
439
00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:24,631
I love you too, Owen.
440
00:19:30,637 --> 00:19:32,939
Hung like a horse.
441
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:40,813
Oh, my.
442
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:51,658
Are you okay?
443
00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:54,694
I will be.
444
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,162
Joy'll be happy with Bob.
445
00:19:56,162 --> 00:19:58,030
He's a good guy.
446
00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,699
He is.
447
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:02,369
And so are you.
448
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:05,805
Thank you.
449
00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:08,708
Well, I guess I better get
in touch with the front desk
450
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,777
and see about getting a room.
451
00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:14,146
Well, I've got
plenty of room here.
452
00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:20,520
Elka, what are you implying?
453
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,523
I think I'm being
rather clear.
454
00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:29,796
What the hell.
455
00:20:29,796 --> 00:20:31,898
Let's give them
something to talk about.
456
00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:46,112
(band)
* Ba-ba, ba-ba
457
00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:48,415
* Ba-ba, ba-ba
458
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,688
* Ba-ba, ba-ba
459
00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:58,024
* Ba-ba, ba-ba
31900
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