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1
00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:08,509
(Elka)
Hot in Cleveland is recorded
2
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,711
in front
of a live studio audience.
3
00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:13,081
(male TV announcer)
The Cincinnati Bengals
are at their own one-yard line,
4
00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:16,217
and barring a miracle, this game
belongs to the Cleveland Browns.
5
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:19,653
Well, that must make
you happy, huh, Elka?
6
00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:22,090
She's on the phone
with the mayor of Cincinnati.
7
00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:24,325
She bet him
that if Cleveland wins,
8
00:00:24,325 --> 00:00:26,394
he has to wear
the Browns mascot costume
9
00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:30,098
for a week
and dress like a dog.
10
00:00:30,098 --> 00:00:35,769
I hope that costume
won't be too ruff on you.
11
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:38,506
(TV announcer)
And it's Dalton to Jones,
and he's down.
12
00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:40,308
No, a lateral to Bernard,
13
00:00:40,308 --> 00:00:41,342
and he's up!
14
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:42,376
They're not gonna catch him!
15
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:43,711
What? No!
16
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:45,846
(TV announcer)
Touchdown! It's a miracle!
17
00:00:45,846 --> 00:00:46,914
The Bengals win!
18
00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:48,949
The Bengals win!
19
00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:51,985
That was amazing.
20
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:56,757
I mean, boo.
21
00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:58,092
I guess you lost the bet,
huh?
22
00:00:58,092 --> 00:01:01,562
I've never been a loser
before.
23
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:04,498
How do you guys do it?
24
00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:15,943
- Hi, baby.
- Hey, babe.
25
00:01:15,943 --> 00:01:18,679
Oh, weird.
26
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:22,283
It's like kissing my mom.
27
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:24,685
You kiss your mom that way?
28
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:26,787
No, it's just that you're
wearing the same perfume
29
00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:27,888
my mom wears.
30
00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:29,190
Oh, yeah, I was at
the mall today,
31
00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:30,691
and some girl asked me
if I like Shalimar,
32
00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:33,394
and while I was trying to
remember if it was a disco band
33
00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:36,530
or a perfume, she got me.
34
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:37,531
I'll go wash it off.
35
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:38,866
Don't use the kitchen sink.
36
00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:40,568
It's leaking.
We need to call a plumber.
37
00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:41,669
(Dane)
You don't need a plumber.
38
00:01:41,669 --> 00:01:43,171
You got the guy right here.
39
00:01:43,171 --> 00:01:47,074
(Bob)
Two guys.
40
00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:48,976
I didn't realize
you were the handy type.
41
00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:50,178
(Bob)
Are you kidding?
42
00:01:50,178 --> 00:01:51,312
Yeah, when I was a kid,
I used to help
43
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:52,913
my dad fix stuff
all the time.
44
00:01:52,913 --> 00:01:54,182
So you want
me to grab you a beer
45
00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:58,419
or just go play
in the back yard?
46
00:01:58,419 --> 00:01:59,920
Isn't Bob adorable?
47
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:02,323
Oh, I'm so in love with him.
48
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:05,326
I think I'm ready to give him
the Love, Actually test.
49
00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:08,662
Joy, you know the reason
every guy fails that test?
50
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:10,764
It's because guys
don't like Love, Actually.
51
00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:12,866
Bob is not like other guys.
52
00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:14,668
I believe he is the one guy
53
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:18,639
who will love that movie
as much as I do.
54
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:23,211
Doesn't Bob remind you
a little bit of Colin Firth?
55
00:02:23,211 --> 00:02:27,215
Yeah, you really are in love.
56
00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:28,816
What a disaster.
57
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,218
A week before my play opens,
58
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:33,821
and my costar totally screws me
and leaves the show.
59
00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:34,922
What happened?
60
00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:38,592
Oh, his appendix burst.
61
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:41,562
Where are we gonna find a
masculine Stanley Kowalski type
62
00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:44,265
in his 40s in such little time?
63
00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:48,369
Just letting you know
I turned the water off.
64
00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:50,238
And I helped out
with the whole righty-tighty,
65
00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:53,641
lefty-loosy business.
66
00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:55,543
Excuse me,
have you ever acted?
67
00:02:55,543 --> 00:02:59,547
I was the star
in a Nativity play once,
68
00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:02,316
literally the star.
69
00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:07,120
Ah, but you weren't
talking to me.
70
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,957
Me? Oh, I haven't acted
before.
71
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:11,692
Oh, but honey, you could.
72
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,427
You should be
in Victoria's play.
73
00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:14,728
I mean,
you're between jobs right now,
74
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:17,598
and this might be just the thing
to get you going.
75
00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:18,866
And you look like an actor.
76
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:19,900
I mean, that's half of it.
77
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:23,404
80%, really.
78
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:25,639
I'm afraid
I would embarrass myself.
79
00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:28,476
Come on. On my radio show,
I am always telling people,
80
00:03:28,476 --> 00:03:31,178
fears about embarrassment
almost never come true.
81
00:03:31,178 --> 00:03:32,613
(Elka)
Not in this case.
82
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:45,058
I know I'm 18 days
into a juice fast,
83
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:49,963
but is anyone else
seeing Elka
84
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:52,165
in a tiger suit?
85
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:53,801
She has to dress
like the mascot
86
00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:55,903
of the Cincinnati Bengals
for a whole week
87
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,405
because she lost a bet.
88
00:03:57,405 --> 00:04:00,107
And I'm scheduled
to be on The Grill this week.
89
00:04:00,107 --> 00:04:01,942
The Grill with Arnie McManus?
90
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,311
I love that show.
91
00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:05,313
He's always taking
politicians down.
92
00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:13,521
I'm a politician,
you idiot.
93
00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:15,856
Well, normally I'd be upset
when someone calls me an idiot,
94
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:19,460
but in that tiger suit,
well, she's just so adorable.
95
00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:29,637
Oh, it's gonna be a long week.
96
00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:36,243
* Ba-ba, Ba-ba
97
00:04:36,243 --> 00:04:39,246
* Ba-ba, Ba-ba
98
00:04:39,246 --> 00:04:41,181
* Hey!
99
00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:43,851
I just came to watch.
100
00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:48,055
I ordered room service.
101
00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:49,122
Are you hungry?
102
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,892
Hungry for you.
103
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:56,730
Kiss me, Marnie.
104
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:59,600
What the--
105
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:03,136
Stop it.
106
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,172
Your girlfriend doesn't
kiss you like that, does she?
107
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:10,478
I wouldn't be here
if she did.
108
00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:13,381
Their chemistry is amazing.
109
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:15,716
Everyone thinks
they must be doing it.
110
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:18,619
Well, they're not
because that's my boyfriend
111
00:05:18,619 --> 00:05:19,620
and my best friend.
112
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:21,989
Oh, just like in the play.
113
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:23,724
Yeah, yeah.
114
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:26,627
Just like in the play.
115
00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:27,895
That was great.
116
00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:29,397
Now let's go again,
but remember to show
117
00:05:29,397 --> 00:05:31,899
that insatiable hunger
you have for each other.
118
00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:32,966
I want to see more heat.
119
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:36,236
More?
120
00:05:36,236 --> 00:05:38,672
Sorry.
Hi, honey.
121
00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:45,413
Oh, my god, Melanie,
acting is such a rush.
122
00:05:45,413 --> 00:05:47,948
Yeah, yeah, but all that
kissing with Victoria,
123
00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:49,517
it almost seemed real.
124
00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:50,951
It was real.
125
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,586
I'm sorry, what?
126
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:54,455
For my character.
127
00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:58,025
My character
really was kissing Victoria.
128
00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:00,461
But aren't you your character?
129
00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:03,997
Let me explain to you
how acting works, Melanie.
130
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:05,733
My character says
he's a painter.
131
00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:08,736
Does that make Dane
a painter, too?
132
00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:11,472
No.
133
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:16,944
Until he walks out there
on that stage, and then yes,
134
00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,946
he's a painter.
135
00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:22,750
Got it,
but about all that kissing.
136
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:26,053
Does Dane get sexually excited
when he kisses Victoria?
137
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:28,088
No.
138
00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:31,224
But when my character
kisses Victoria...
139
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:35,328
oh, yeah.
140
00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:38,932
Well, that really
clears things up.
141
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:41,068
There she is.
142
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:45,305
Look at her, beauty,
brains, funny.
143
00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:49,477
You never get all three
in the same package.
144
00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:52,279
No, you do not.
145
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:53,781
Hello, Victoria.
146
00:06:53,781 --> 00:06:55,115
Can I get you a drink?
147
00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:57,350
I'll have a glass
of merlot.
148
00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:59,186
Okay.
149
00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:02,823
Wow. Melanie,
your boyfriend is a natural.
150
00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:04,492
I was freaked out
about opening night,
151
00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:06,159
but now I can't wait.
152
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,928
The critics are gonna love us.
153
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,363
But you know,
it's a little unsettling
154
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:13,100
watching someone you're crazy
about kissing someone else.
155
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,202
Mel, it's just acting.
156
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:17,170
Yeah, but you really
seemed into it.
157
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:19,773
No, I'm not,
but my character.
158
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:24,945
Let me explain how acting works.
159
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:28,916
I know how acting works!
160
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,756
So that was Love, Actually.
161
00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:37,290
What did you think?
162
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:40,327
I loved it.
Sweet and funny.
163
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:42,095
- Just like you.
- Aw.
164
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:44,965
Melanie said no guy would like
it, but I knew you would.
165
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,166
Oh, of course.
166
00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:50,203
I mean, what a cast,
Hugh Grant, Liam Neeson,
167
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,239
Snape from Harry Potter.
168
00:07:57,444 --> 00:07:59,713
Shall we continue
this Love, Actually discussion
169
00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:01,081
upstairs?
170
00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:04,451
Yes, actually.
171
00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:08,421
- Let's get some wine.
- All right.
172
00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:09,757
Elka, what are you doing here?
173
00:08:09,757 --> 00:08:11,592
Isn't this your bowling night?
174
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:15,462
I'm not leaving this house
until this bet is over.
175
00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:18,666
Now, get off my tail.
176
00:08:18,666 --> 00:08:20,133
Okay, I'm sorry.
177
00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:24,337
No, you're standing
on my tail.
178
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:25,338
Well, you're gonna
have to leave the house
179
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,007
to appear on The Grill.
180
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,142
No, I don't.
I postponed.
181
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:30,811
Because of the suit?
182
00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:34,615
Plus I've got a few things
I don't want to be asked about.
183
00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:36,349
Like how you're still
living here
184
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:41,589
and renting out
the mayor's mansion on AirBnB?
185
00:08:41,589 --> 00:08:45,225
I've got a wedding
coming in next week.
186
00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:47,460
Arnie's gonna kill you
on The Grill.
187
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:49,262
He already has.
188
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:51,464
They've been
running his promo all day.
189
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:57,404
Mayor Elka Ostrovsky,
why are you avoiding me?
190
00:08:57,404 --> 00:09:00,608
Are you too busy making
silly bets to hop on The Grill
191
00:09:00,608 --> 00:09:02,442
and answer the tough questions?
192
00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:06,614
Or to put it another way,
is the tiger chicken?
193
00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:10,450
I agree you shouldn't go
on the show,
194
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:11,919
but isn't hiding out here
195
00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:15,522
worse than taking
a little public teasing?
196
00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:18,058
You're right.
197
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:21,094
I'm gonna go out there
and take my medicine.
198
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:24,698
You're going to the bar,
aren't you?
199
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:26,233
That's where they keep
my medicine.
200
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,808
I think Dane's falling in love
with Victoria.
201
00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:35,976
Oh, I'm sure he's not.
202
00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:37,177
It's just the play.
203
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,379
The play is the problem.
204
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:40,981
Melanie,
if you want my advice,
205
00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:43,116
this is a trust issue.
206
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,818
That's where I'm lucky with Bob.
207
00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:48,789
The only thing I ever wanted
from him was complete honesty,
208
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:51,158
and he's given me that.
209
00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:54,762
How does that address
my problem?
210
00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:58,899
I guess it doesn't.
211
00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:01,568
I'm gonna call Bob and tell him
how much I love him.
212
00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:04,772
And look,
there's a message from him.
213
00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:06,039
See how in sync we are?
214
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,941
Amazing.
215
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:11,511
(Bob voicemail)
Actually, Dr. Cutler, it's been
a pretty good week for me.
216
00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:15,115
He must have butt-dialed me
from his therapist's office.
217
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:20,387
This is the holy grail
of snooping on your boyfriend.
218
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,823
(Bob voicemail)
Things are going great
with Joy,
219
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:25,158
except she made me sit
through this misshapen freak
220
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:27,928
of a movie called
Love, Actually.
221
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:29,529
He said he loved it.
222
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:30,798
(Bob voicemail)
If I wanted to be tortured
for two hours,
223
00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:34,968
I'd take a Pilates class.
224
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,837
Anyway, about my hopes and dre--
225
00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:39,439
Who cares?
226
00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:41,975
Can you believe
Bob lied to me?
227
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:45,112
He's a liar like every
other man I've dated.
228
00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:46,613
What are you gonna do?
229
00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:47,981
I'm gonna torture him
with Pilates
230
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:51,985
until he confesses
he's a liar.
231
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,921
Bob's still trainable.
232
00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:57,024
I'm gonna break him
like a puppy.
233
00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:59,259
Dane is like a puppy
with this acting thing.
234
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:01,762
He just wants to put his mouth
on everything,
235
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:04,531
especially Victoria.
236
00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:07,968
If only there was some puppy
repellant we could spray on her.
237
00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:11,504
There is, Dane's mother's
perfume, Shalimar.
238
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:12,773
He'll still have to kiss her,
239
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:14,407
but he'll hate
every second of it.
240
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:17,044
All I have to do is spray it
on Victoria's costume.
241
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:19,512
That's a brilliant idea.
242
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:20,981
You know, most girlfriends
243
00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:25,552
wouldn't care enough
to go as far as we do.
244
00:11:25,552 --> 00:11:28,055
They're lucky to have us.
245
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:31,992
Oh, my goodness.
246
00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:34,795
Why is there a helicopter
landing on our front lawn?
247
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:38,899
Thanks, LeBron.
248
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:45,839
This suit is magic.
249
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:48,876
LeBron James just dropped you
off in his helicopter.
250
00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:51,912
Well, first we
stopped in Atlantic City.
251
00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:54,581
- I won big.
- What?
252
00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:58,618
I was counting cards out loud.
253
00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:01,021
They didn't care.
254
00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:02,790
So I guess
you're not hiding anymore?
255
00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:06,794
I'm bulletproof, which is
why I'm going on The Grill.
256
00:12:06,794 --> 00:12:09,863
Elka, Arnie McManus
will eat you alive.
257
00:12:09,863 --> 00:12:11,965
I got this.
258
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:14,667
I also got this.
259
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:17,537
Is that LeBron James'
championship ring?
260
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:19,472
Not anymore.
261
00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:25,813
I'm so glad you like Pilates.
262
00:12:25,813 --> 00:12:27,114
Are you kidding?
263
00:12:27,114 --> 00:12:29,649
I love it.
264
00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:33,821
It's fantastic, the way
it's stretching my groin.
265
00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:37,190
I can't believe there was a time
I didn't do it.
266
00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:41,328
Oh, just thinking
about that time now.
267
00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:43,831
So you're really enjoying it?
268
00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:48,068
Yeah, it's so much fun.
269
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:49,669
- Liar.
- What?
270
00:12:49,669 --> 00:12:51,271
You lied to me about Pilates,
271
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:54,074
the same way you lied
to me about Love, Actually.
272
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,342
How do you know that?
273
00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:58,178
I mean, why would you say that?
274
00:12:58,178 --> 00:13:03,216
Because you butt-dialed me
from your therapy session.
275
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:06,753
And you listened?
276
00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:08,455
Don't change the subject.
277
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,890
You violated my trust.
278
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:13,927
Well, what about
my trust, huh?
279
00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:15,362
Listening in
on a therapy session
280
00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:17,865
is way worse than pretending
to like some stupid movie.
281
00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:19,199
Stupid movie?
282
00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:20,733
Yes, stupid movie.
283
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:23,203
Some creepy stalker holding up
a bunch of dumb cue cards
284
00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:24,471
for the woman he loves?
285
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:25,672
What's romantic about that?
286
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:27,207
How about everything?
287
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,209
That's only my favorite scene.
288
00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:30,878
The point is, you lied,
289
00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:32,980
and if you lied about this,
what else have you lied about?
290
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:36,183
No, the point is you
eavesdropped, and I'm furious.
291
00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:38,285
I'm gonna need you
to storm out right now.
292
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:39,519
Me? Why should I storm out?
293
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:40,921
Why don't you storm out?
294
00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:42,589
Because I also lied about
how good it felt
295
00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:43,957
to stretch my groin.
296
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:53,967
Well, I did it.
297
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:56,136
Not only did I spray Victoria's
costume with Shalimar,
298
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:57,905
but I doused Dane's
in Old Spice,
299
00:13:57,905 --> 00:13:59,739
which is the cologne
that Victoria's dad wears.
300
00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:03,143
It's gonna be like they're
kissing their parents.
301
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:04,211
Where's Bob?
302
00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:05,946
I don't think he's coming.
303
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,280
I found the love of my life
304
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,917
and I pushed him away
with my stupid scheme
305
00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:10,951
just like you're about to push
Dane away
306
00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:13,220
with your moronic idea.
307
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:14,154
What?
308
00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:21,694
I ordered room service.
309
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,463
Are you hungry?
310
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:24,397
Hungry for you.
311
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:32,239
Kiss me, Mommy.
312
00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:36,443
I mean Marnie, not Mommy.
313
00:14:36,443 --> 00:14:38,011
Uh-oh.
314
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:40,747
I can smell them from here.
315
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:43,083
Don't stop.
316
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:44,017
I'll never stop.
317
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,862
Tonight, I ask Mayor Ostrovsky
the tough questions.
318
00:14:55,862 --> 00:14:58,865
Why is she funneling city money
to the zoo?
319
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:03,070
Why does she conduct
city council meetings in a bar?
320
00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:08,575
And why is her chief of staff a
Pomeranian named George Clooney?
321
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:11,979
We'll find out when
I put the mayor on The Grill.
322
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:18,318
Your Honor, you know
how it works on The Grill.
323
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:21,454
First question,
how do you respond to the rumors
324
00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:23,190
that you have to be
a single handsome man
325
00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:24,324
to work in your office?
326
00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:25,692
So?
327
00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:29,596
Your assistant is barely legal
and has big boobs.
328
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:31,098
That's my daughter.
329
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:33,900
Lovely girl.
330
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:35,602
Next question.
331
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:39,406
Is it about how cute
I look in a tiger suit?
332
00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:40,540
No, it is not.
333
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,342
I despise cute things.
334
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:45,012
Ruh-roh.
335
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,213
Life isn't cute,
Your Honor,
336
00:15:46,213 --> 00:15:48,415
and I don't like my emotions
manipulated.
337
00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:50,650
This show
is not about appearances.
338
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:54,821
It is about the dark,
ugly reality underneath.
339
00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:57,490
- Who hurt you?
- What?
340
00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:58,525
What? Nobody hurt me.
341
00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:00,360
What are you talking about?
342
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:03,330
Was it your mom or your dad?
343
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:07,034
Which one named you Arnold?
344
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:08,901
You don't grill me.
I grill you.
345
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:10,703
It was your dad, right?
346
00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:13,573
Wrong. I didn't have a dad.
347
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:16,509
I mean, there were a series
of men that I had to call "dad,"
348
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:19,112
but back to you, Your Honor.
349
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:21,048
Wow, that must have been hard.
350
00:16:21,048 --> 00:16:23,050
It wasn't easy.
351
00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:25,818
I mean, one guy was
only six years older than me.
352
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:30,057
My mom lost her job
as a teacher because of him.
353
00:16:30,057 --> 00:16:35,595
Why'd my best friend pay
for my daughter's boob job?
354
00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:38,231
Those are all good questions,
Arnie,
355
00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:41,334
but it looks like
we're running out of time.
356
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,936
Oh, yeah, we are.
357
00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:47,107
I'll see you tomorrow
on The Grill.
358
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:53,113
Tiger hug?
359
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:56,583
Yes.
360
00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:58,751
So soft.
361
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,220
So soft.
362
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:03,323
Why were you wearing
my mother's perfume?
363
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:05,325
You ruined my kiss acting.
364
00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:06,926
Well, you wore Old Spice.
365
00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:09,996
It was like doing a love scene
with my father.
366
00:17:09,996 --> 00:17:11,598
I never put on Old Spice.
367
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:14,301
Well, I never wore Shalimar--
368
00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:19,872
Sabotage.
369
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:24,444
Lucci.
370
00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:26,346
No, it was me.
371
00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:30,583
(Victoria)
Melanie.
372
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:34,821
I'm so sorry, but the rest of
your performance was grrrreat!
373
00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:42,895
Aw, she's doing
what a tiger does.
374
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,798
See, I have the suit on, so
you can't be mad at me, right?
375
00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:48,135
Oh, yes, we can.
376
00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:50,803
That whole play
was based on sexual chemistry,
377
00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:52,572
and you ruined it.
378
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:58,145
Oh, no.
The reviews are in.
379
00:17:58,145 --> 00:17:59,679
Hang on.
380
00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:01,381
The Plain Dealer says,
381
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:02,615
"Open a window 'cause
382
00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:04,184
these two are hot."
383
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:05,552
(Dane)
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
384
00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:09,189
"Victoria Chase and Dane Stevens
are a revelation.
385
00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:12,225
Their decision
not to kiss was genius."
386
00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:13,326
We did it!
387
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:16,563
Of course we did.
We're geniuses.
388
00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:19,199
You're the genius, Victoria.
389
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,968
I've never met a more amazing
person in my life.
390
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:24,504
Aw.
391
00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:28,908
So glad I put the suit on.
392
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,810
Joy, we're a hit.
393
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,245
Congratulations.
394
00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:33,580
Joy, where are you going?
395
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:36,316
Over to Bob's house
to beg forgiveness.
396
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:38,185
I treated him
like my other boyfriends,
397
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:40,187
and he's not.
398
00:18:40,187 --> 00:18:42,322
He was only lying about a movie,
399
00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:45,725
wasn't cheating on me
or secretly living in my car
400
00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:49,196
for a month
like other guys have.
401
00:18:49,196 --> 00:18:51,097
Wish me luck.
402
00:18:54,934 --> 00:18:58,938
Bob.
403
00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:39,078
Oh, Bob.
404
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:53,660
And it turns out
there was a Broadway producer
405
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:55,061
in the audience who saw me,
406
00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:56,296
and he offered me a play.
407
00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:57,930
Wow, that's great.
408
00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:59,632
So you're going to New York.
409
00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:02,101
Yeah, and I've got to get
in really good shape
410
00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:05,538
because I'm doing a nude scene
with what's her name, Angela--
411
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:08,541
Lansbury?
412
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,643
No, that wasn't it,
413
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:12,979
but I've got to be to New York
by tomorrow morning,
414
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:14,647
so I'd better go pack.
415
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:18,618
Well, if you're gonna be nude,
you don't have to pack much.
416
00:20:18,618 --> 00:20:22,522
Once again, Melanie, you're
forgetting how acting works.
417
00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:23,690
Well, good luck.
418
00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:25,425
I'm really happy for you.
419
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:26,626
I'll text you
when I get there.
420
00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:27,794
That sounds perfect.
421
00:20:27,794 --> 00:20:29,161
Hey.
422
00:20:29,161 --> 00:20:31,364
How much longer are you gonna
need that suit?
423
00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:32,532
Why?
424
00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:35,001
Somebody egged
the Mayor of Cincinnati.
425
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:36,803
I need it for the lineup.
426
00:20:44,511 --> 00:20:46,479
* Ba-ba, Ba-ba
427
00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:48,781
* Ba-ba, Ba-ba
428
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,022
* Ba-ba, Ba-ba
429
00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:58,224
* Ba-ba, Ba-ba
430
00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:07,867
* Hey!
30388
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