Original subtitles

♪

It's not in me to push myself

like I did in Patagonia.

I can't allow my body to deteriorate again.

It is much more empowering

to take myself out of the picture.

I had an idea to try and make a lure.

Come on. Oh.

My fishing game just took a significant blow.

I need to get this food situation under control.

Without food, I'm not gonna be able to last

as long as Vancouver Island.

My bowels are still not kicking anything out.

If I don't have a bowel movement,

I won't get to win.

I won't get to provide for my family.

♪

NARRATOR: For the first time ever on "Alone,"”

ten past participants return.

♪

They've come back with one goal:

redemption.

I deserve to be here, and I'm back.

I want to win more this time than I did last time.

NARRATOR: Now a fresh hell awaits...

The cold is an incredibly strong punch in the face.

NARRATOR: In the punishing wilderness of Mongolia.

We're in the middle of nowhere.

Mongolia's a very unforgiving land.

NARRATOR: They must survive in complete isolation,

enduring as long as they can.

I'm just gonna push and push and push

until there's nothing left.

NARRATOR: The last one standing wins.

♪

♪

The water I boiled last night...

solid chunk of ice.

I put it by the fire and it thawed out enough

to take a little sip.

It's 30 outside.

It could swing 60 degrees colder,

be so cold my fire will freeze.

♪

It's, like, no-joke cold.

Every time I lean,

and it pulls all my clothes tight against my back,

I can feel that the cold just seeps through every layer,

me just sitting here like this.

♪

Been kind of sleepy today.

♪

I won't attribute it to lack ofleep.

I'll attribute it directly to a low caloric intake.

That's to be expected when I'm eating as little as I am.

I need all the protein I can get.

♪

Let's make today

the first fish I've ever caught when it's snowing.

♪

Is the water higher today?

♪

I can't get the good angle on that cove.

Yesterday I could stand over there.

♪

It's so high, on the lip of my boot,

I got to move back and change the spot.

I got to give myself a couple inches from the top of my boot.

♪

See if I can get further out there

if I walk up the shoreline and then walk in.

♪

Stupid precipitation is ruining my fishing spot a little bit.

♪

Standing in a freezing river in the middle of winter.

My hands are cold.

♪

I don't know.

It's not for them not biting.

It's that I can't reach where I know they are.

That's enough.

I can't reach the spots.

♪

That's frustrating.

I'm still trying to stay focused and driven,

but it's just really hard.

Every day it gets harder.

Probably get used to this, though.

I could have a lot of days like this in my future.

♪

Peek-a-boo.

Peek-a-boo.

I could be doing a whole lot of that right now

with those kiddos at home.

My little girl loves peek-a-boo.

♪

I've been worried about my bowel movements

or lack thereof so much

that it could result in me tapping out,

because if I get severe abdominal pain

and I don't tap out,

I could seriously ruin my intestines,

but a glorious thing happened,

and my bowel issues are resolved.

Now it's back to business.

♪

It's just a very cold, dreary place,

and with all this, like, cold around me,

I, uh--I just decided today to prioritize firewood.

This place could snap at any second,

and I could be in a world of hurt.

♪

See the little snow flurries around.

Definitely well, well, well below freezing.

I'm guessing, like, 15 right now, maybe.

♪

And it is not that late in the year.

Makes you wonder how cold it's gonna be

on day 50, 60, 70.

♪

♪

Well, looks like that's all I got laying around camp.

Got to go out and find some more now.

♪

I've gone something like a week

without any protein at this point.

Like, I can feel the muscles just wearing out

as the days go by.

I can feel my strength giving way.

♪

If you haven't tapped into a food source at this point,

your odds of just magically finding something is very low.

♪

I tried to catch fish out here,

and it wasn't working for me,

so if I didn't have several pounds of emergency rations

still strapped to my frame in the form of body fat,

I'd probably have issues with that.

So a bit of my strategy

is to look down at my belly if I ever feel real hungry,

see if I can pinch anything down there,

and if I've still got something to pinch,

that means there's still a little bit of life

left in me, and I'm gonna keep going.

♪

Good Lord, that's a loud woodpecker.

God, I miss my family.

I'll see them here soon.

I wish my daughter could see some of the things I've seen.

She'd have a blast too, fishing,

fishing with my own fishing pole.

I made that fishing pole.

♪

Just got to get my head right,

get focused, start doing some stuff.

I'm gonna go looking around for a nice piece of birch bark

that I can harvest...

That's a nice piece right there.

And just make a pair of birch goggles,

which makes it so you can go out into a snowy,

bright environment without damaging your eyes.

♪

One eyeball is there.

One eyeball is there.

♪

Kind of measure it like that.

♪

Just like that.

♪

They don't look too bad.

I even got the nose part pretty good.

These are--you know, you're not gonna have

a great field of vision out of these, but that's the point.

It narrows down your field of vision

so the bright glare doesn't come banging against your eyes

and give you snow blindness,

so the next time it's sunny out,

I got me a rocking pair of shades, baby.

You know you want a pair.

Ay!

I just want to do stuff with people, man.

I want somebody to talk to.

I want somebody to interact with.

♪

It gets really lonely just sharing the experiences

just with yourself.

I want to talk to somebody and say,

"Dude, did you hear that elk call?

"That's so cool.

"Dude, did you hear the wolves?

"That's so cool.

"Do you see the mountain? It's so beautiful.

"Did you see the sunrise this morning?

It was beautiful."

I want someone to share those experiences with.

This time I'm really missing my family.

♪

Where the has the time gone?

, I was 18 20 minutes ago.

Meeting my wife in high school.

♪

Running away.

Them years it was just me and her,

not a damn care in the world, man.

Not a care in the world.

God, we were fancy-free and footloose, man.

Moving down south and having two kids.

Cutting the cord on my baby boy

and my baby girl, cutting the cords,

changing their diapers,

bottle feeding them,

♪

My son joined the air force.

He wanted to go see the world,

and my daughter graduated.

She went off to college, and it was empty.

It was really empty in the house.

♪

It was really empty.

♪

♪

♪

God almighty, give me some food.

This is terrible.

♪

♪

I've been trying to think of how to write a--

like, a little love note to my wife

like how I did on Vancouver Island,

how I said, "I love Rachael."

♪

This is how I've been feeling ever since I launched

and especially today.

I love you, Rachael.

♪

I don't know how else to say it.

♪

Right when I got back from Vancouver Island,

I was a mess.

That's what my wife said. She said I was a hot mess.

I didn't want to reintegrate into society.

I couldn't be in crowded places anymore.

It made me really twitchy.

I had going to work again.

Rachael, this one really made me realize

how much I miss you and miss the family.

I think I'm healed now.

I think this healed me.

♪

Oh, I didn't even think of that.

I think this did heal me. I think this trip healed me.

♪

I was such a mess after Vancouver Island.

♪

I just didn't want life at all.

I didn't want anything.

Now I want it all.

I want it back again.

♪

Since I've been here, I've realized

I truly deep down need my family.

It's not a superficial need.

I need my family to survive,

but I'm conflicted 'cause I know I could stay longer,

but it'd be torture staying longer.

I want to go home. I miss my family.

I miss the creature comforts in life.

I'm done.

♪

♪

Hello, this is Larry.

I'm ready for you guys to come get me, man.

♪

Mongolia kind of slapped me upside the head and said,

"Listen, you little moron. You got a good job.

"You got an awesome wife. You got fantastic kids.

Just stop moping around and enjoy life."

I have just enjoyed the experience

so much more than I did on Vancouver Island,

and now I'm ready to go home,

and I've got fantastic people in my life

that I want to keep close to,

and I don't want to leave them ever again,

and that's what I learned out here.

♪

I'm gonna remember what it's like to starve.

I'm gonna remember what it's like

to not be able to talk to your friends

or talk to your wife,

but I'm also gonna remember the blue sky,

the ice crystals on the trees.

I'm gonna remember my fishing pole

and how I caught a lot of fish on that.

I've gotten everything out of this experience I can get.

I had the most pleasure, the most discomfort

that helped teach myself these lessons.

Vancouver Island broke me down to just a shell of a person.

This time I am leaving on my own terms.

It's okay to know your limitations.

And it's okay, I don't have to push myself

as hard as I pushed myself my entire life.

I'm starting to realize that.

♪

♪

Test, test.

Look. I'm totally not dressed for this yet.

But look at this.

It snowed, like...

like, 5 inches of snow,

and you know when it's like-- when it's snow outside,

and it's kind of insulated, so you're not cold,

you don't feel the cold 'cause it's, like--I don't know.

Maybe I'm just pumped up, but look at this.

Look at this.

This is awesome.

Mongolia, this is what I was waiting for.

This is what I was waiting for, Mongolia.

♪

I definitely need to get my fire lit

because I need to get the snow off the top of my shelter.

If it becomes too heavy for my structure to hold,

it can totally cave in,

at which point I don't know if I can recover

from something as catastrophic as that.

So I am incredibly glad that a while back

I changed out my birch rafters

and put in these stick pine ones

because there's a lot of snow on the roof.

At least it's evenly dispersed,

so I'll keep a nice, warm fire,

get all the snow melted off my roof,

and, uh, yeah, it'll be good.

I hear a drip, which is good. It's melting.

♪

I've got to get firewood.

♪

If it goes from here and gets colder,

it becomes a game of who can endure the cold the longest.

It becomes very difficult to try and maintain body warmth.

♪

I've been jumping over several hurdles at the same time,

you know, and I can clear the cold hurdle,

and I can clear the alone hurdle,

and I can clear the food hurdle,

but each of the hurdles are getting a little bit higher.

The alone one snags my foot

every once in a while and makes me stammer,

and the food one does the same thing,

so each time I'm trying to jump,

it just snags me a little bit more.

Whew, the snow is deep,

and the drag on the sled doesn't help.

Look at me taking a rest, and I only walked 50 feet.

♪

Look how good this snow is, though.

Oh, wow, Look at that.

I just--look right down.

I mean, there's literally tracks everywhere.

And now I can see where some of the animals do it.

They're out here walking all the time.

I mean, I hear them howling, and...

♪

And oh!

Well, they came over here and dug up all this.

Boar?

Bear?

Crazy.

♪

Look at this.

Damn near whole hill is overturned.

I mean, that's a-- that's 10 feet across.

Oh, man.

Size 14,

and I'm just trying to imagine

the size and the strength of the animal

that could be doing this through the snow,

through the rock, through the sand.

Big hoof tracks.

They are everywhere out here at night,

and they are extremely close to my shelter.

♪

♪

Tapped into a new food resource.

Um...

This is, like, the hidden gem of Mongolia.

So Mongolia actually has

virtually unlimited snow cones,

and it's free in more than just one way.

There's no carbohydrates. There's no calories.

You know, it's protein-free, vitamin-free,

It's--it's free,

♪

Just got to remember not to eat the lemon ones.

♪

I can't be timid around snow,

I can be actively trapping.

You can really start to unwind the story

that the animals are telling all through their tracks,

so the snow is such a game-changer.

♪

So these tracks right here

are singing a little bit of rabbit to me,

but I'm also seeing scat and urination spots.

Those are all really good signs

that we've got some animal activity.

Pretty good area to put a trap,

so I'm gonna look for basically an area

with two trees that are close enough together

that I can anchor an Athabascan dead fall trap to.

♪

So the Athabascan dead fall trap

can be as heavy as you want it to be.

We want an instant kill trap,

so we need a lot of weight holding it down.

That's nice and strong now.

So it's all anchored off of this.

You need approximately six times the body weight

of the animal in order to make an effective Kill.

As far as critters that we're going after with this,

it's really anything in the 5-to 20-pound range.

The animal steps right here.

Those are gonna push down that trigger stick,

and it's gonna trigger it.

Whatever animal is there is gonna get

a 200-pound log right down on its back.

I think it's set up pretty good.

Well, we'll check her from time to time,

once every 24 hours,

and I'm just hoping it'll catch me something.

It's just the most frustrating thing,

because no matter how hard I try,

the mental demons definitely sneak in there,

and they tell you, "Hey, there's other folks out here.

They're doing a lot better than you,"

and that is a very, very dark feeling.

♪

There's a lot more activity

right around my camp at night than I realized.

All right, so after seeing those tracks...

I reset my spring snare with fresh birch.

The hope is that the animal comes in,

tugs on the bait.

It'll release that toggle, pulling that up,

and the loop underneath the animal will cinch tight,

and it'll go up with it.

Hopefully this'll bring something.

I'd love to get some meat on my plate.

♪

I love the snow.

♪

It's definitely turning me into a bit of a kid.

I just wish I had my kid here to play with me in it.

♪

I'm really missing my family.

I still think about them constantly,

talk about them, talk to them.

My family is my drive out here.

That's all that's keeping me going.

♪

If I was here for myself, I wouldn't be here anymore.

♪

But it's hard to keep, you know, upbeat

going through this day in and day out,

the whole monotony of it all,

you know, never knowing when it's gonna be over.

♪

Every day gets harder.

♪

Boy, that was cold.

But it's not about myself.

It's about my family's well-being.

I'm here to win the money.

I want to be the last one to be pulled out.

♪

♪

So last night it clicked in my head

that it's game on again for me.

Like, I will be staying for the long haul.

Just put right back in my mind the necessity

in my particular world

to be a provider.

♪

As a man, as a husband, as a father,

being a provider is the number one priority for me,

and I'm gonna keep going till they come get me,

basically, and say, "Hey, buddy, you won."

If I can win this cashola...

♪

I'd say I've done a pretty good job at providing,

for the time being at least.

♪

I've said it before.

If I didn't have my family at home,

there is no way I'd still be here.

They are, right now, just the sole driving force

behind everything that I'm doing.

I keep thinking of all the things I want to do for them,

how much stuff they deserve.

I mean, it'd be a tremendous boost financially

to be the last person standing.

Long as I have them, I can keep going.

♪

There's really not a whole lot of success

in any of the traps that I've set.

♪

I'm starving.

Oh, my goodness, am I starving.

♪

Like, I feel it now.

I just feel it burning inside of me that I'm hungry.

The fact that I haven't had protein,

my muscles are giving in.

It's a bad deal.

♪

The weird thing about starvation,

you're not even really that hungry.

♪

I don't know if my brain just knows I can't get it,

and my body has just adjusted to me not getting it,

and what's disturbing about that

is that's because my body is just consuming itself,

but if my body can take it and my brain can take it...

It's just so hard to imagine

fish biting on a day like this.

This is--this is foolish.

♪

It is getting freezing cold,

like, ridiculously, ridiculously cold.

I can either adjust to it or tap out,

and I'm not tapping out.

I've been in bed for over 17 hours,

and if you knew how cold it was, you'd understand why.

It's getting to be where all I want to do

is stay warm, stay still.

♪

Obtaining food in this environment is not something

that I'm really capable of right now.

How long will I be able to go without any food?

♪

I didn't even open my door yesterday.

I stayed in here all day.

Don't let the sound of my voice and what I'm saying

make you think that I'm leaving

or going anywhere, 'cause I'm not.

I just--just don't have motivation to do anything.

♪

I miss my family.

I want to be home, but I just got to keep telling myself,

"It's not your time to go yet.

It's not time."

Definitely lonely today.

I want my family's companionship

more than I want food.

I hope they realize I'm doing this all for them.

♪

Physically, I am exhausted.

You've done everything you wanted to do out here.

You've tried everything in your mind to get food

and mostly failed.

I made it outside.

First time I've been outside in four days,

first time I've put my pants on in three,

but I'm still motivated.

I'm still here for a purpose

and I still have fight left in me.

♪

At this point I'm not sure how long I can go like this,

and I'll have to tell my wife, my kids.

♪

I'll go, "Daddy tried his best."

♪

"Couldn't do it."

♪

I'm sorry and I'm not sorry,

but the remainder of the footage

will probably look a lot like this.

20-hour days of me laying here are becoming common.

As much as I'm trying to keep my family in mind

and do it for them,

I'm starting to have thoughts in my brain

that if my wife could seme right now,

it would bring her to tears,

and she would beg me to come home.

♪

♪

Hi.

Uh...

I've been better.

I'm all right. I'm just--I'm just beaten down.

I've--I've run all the tread off of my tires,

and I'm sitting in there looking at my shelter,

and I can't--I can't lay in there another night by myself

and be freezing and hungry and by myself and...

I just couldn't do it anymore.

I mean, I may have hit my limit about a week or so ago,

but I just kept trying to dig in

and think about the goals I was here for,

and today I sunk to the low I just didn't think

I could pull myself back out of this time,

and I know what I really, really need is waiting for me

on the other side of the world,

and I just really want to get back to that.

♪

This is not how I saw myself leaving,

but I'm not hanging my head about anything.

I battled myself through way further

than anybody thought I could.

I'm definitely not the prototypical survivalist.

I'm that dude that sits over in accounting

and does the spreadsheets.

I'm not the guy that goes out in the wilderness for 56 days.

I achieved a great deal, and I'm really proud of it.

♪

The hardest thing about this experience was,

it's definitely a battle of the mind.

I spent a whole lot of time in Patagonia

breaking down interior walls.

That's the reason that I got out of there quickly.

Mongolia enhanced the way I was when I came,

so when I came here now, I felt a lot more open.

I was a lot more open in speaking.

I was a lot more open in my feelings,

and in the end, where I look at where I ended up,

I'm extremely happy.

I feel cleansed and new and open

and ready to go back to my family

and show them a different type of love.

♪

Moment of truth.

Oops.

Oh, yeah.

These babies are cruising.

♪

I made these snowshoes so that when I wake up

and there's a ton of snow on the ground,

I will have a way to get around and gather firewood

even if it gets really, really crummy.

So I--now I just have to wait for the snow,

wait for multiple feet of snow before I use them,

but they're ready to go.

Med checks are today at some point,

but I honestly don't see them medically pulling me

due to my weight.

I think I went in here heavy enough

that that's probably not gonna happen,

but you never know.

♪

I feel really kind of uncomfortable in the fact

that I'll have to take off my warm sweater and get weighed,

and I just am not very happy about it.

♪

-All right. -You're good.

I know I've got a long ways to go.

I know I'm not just slaying it out here.

I'm very vulnerable,

and all I've got left is this really hard, dark,

"push through the pain" kind of time,

and I just want to get through it.

Honestly,

you know, I'm ready to-- I'm ready to go

at this point, anytime.

Um, it's--

If this was just a wilderness excursion,

just me, you know, I'd left a little bit ago,

but I'm willing to push myself to provide for my family.

I miss those kids a lot.

Like, I can...

I feel like I got a little bit in me even without...

a lot of food and all that, but...

yeah, protein has not been there for me, but that's okay.

It's been, you know, a good two weeks without protein,

but I just keep thinking, like...

♪

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Hi.

You did it.

♪

You did it.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, I'm so happy to see you.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, I had no idea it would happen today.

Oh, yes!

All right, who has food?

Who has stinking food?

Which one of you guys brought food with you?

-Do you have food? -Hi. No.

Sorry. Hi.

Oh, we get to buy a house

and a new car that doesn't break down all the time.

Has the car been running okay for you guys?

-Yes. -Okay, good.

Oh, gosh, I can't believe it.

Oh, I am so thankful to see you.

-Good. -Oh, I love you so much.

I love you.

They're doing good.

I just thought about you guys the whole time,

and I just thought about, like--man, I was like,

"Sydney's back home, and she's with the kids,

"and she doesn't have a tap

"She can't just-- she can't just give up,

so I'm not just gonna give up," you know?

-You didn't. -I can't believe it.

♪

I want to see everything.

All right, let's get up.

This is called a Athabascan dead fall,

so animal basically steps on here and just does that.

Snap.

Yeah, so you can set that to take any--

You know, any size animal.

♪

-This is where I live. -Sam, this is awesome.

Oh, my gosh.

See, I've got these little notches on here

so I can adjust the heat and make it hotter or,

you know, high, medium, low type deal.

♪

I feel like when [ left Vancouver Island,

I was just angry at the place.

I was angry at the rain,

and I was just angry at every little thing,

but in Mongolia, every time I started my morning fire,

I felt grateful for the fire.

I was thankful for the trees and the resources that I had.

I was just thankful for every little, tiny thing

that came my way, and when I had a thankful attitude,

it just taught me to love the land

rather than look at what it couldn't provide.

♪

When I go home, the $500,000

is gonna be a crazy change to my life.

Whoo!

♪

This was an opportunity for personal redemption for me.

Coming out here set the reset button on my life and

gave me a chance to have my family

look at me as a provider rather than someone

who's just barely getting by all the time.

♪

♪

Isn't riding helicopters through Mongolia, like,

pretty much the coolest thing we've ever done?

Yeah.

This is like the honeymoon

we couldn't afford, you know?

Totally.

♪

We live in a world of traffic lights

and smartphones.

It's very difficult to actually think about

anything of substance, but out here in the woods

it's basically all you've got time to do.

You know, what do I need to do

to be a better dad when I go home?

What do I need to do to be a better husband

and a better person to the other people in my life?

♪

You're subjecting yourself

to an incredibly raw state of humanity,

and when you get that raw, it gives me strength.

I'm not afraid anymore to ask myself hard questions,

and the best way to ask yourself hard questions

is to put yourself in a place

where you can be completely vulnerable,

and that only happens when you're alone.

♪