Original subtitles

[ominous music]

♪

I am tapping out.

Doesn't matter what the outcome is.

It's about the journey.

Without that extra calories,

I don't know if I can keep going on plants alone.

33 halves of fish.

That's two more months that I can be out here.

Oh, my God, I got him.

My dip net works.

I'm so happy.

When you're out here by yourself,

you think about family and...

It's so hard.

This is the hardest terrain.

Patagonia is a different environment entirely.

Everything out here is so hard.

Patagonia's no joke.

Are you willing to give up--

-Oh! -Who you are...

for what you will become?

It's Patagonia, for God's sake.

Patagonia!

It's tougher than I ever imagined.

Just missing home right now.

You get a feeling of helplessness,

like, "Why am I doing this?"

Oh, my God!

The last person left wins $500,000

and is a badass.

-Bam! -Ugh.

[animal growling]

What is that?

It's just how far you can push yourself

and what you're able to do.

Yeah!

You don't have anyone to lean on.

Oh, my God, I got a fish!

-Go to bed hungry. -Wake up hungry.

♪

-Can't believe I did that. -Ready, guy?

It's gonna come down to mental endurance

and food deprivation.

[cries]

Person'll be dead in a week at this rate.

[animal growling]

♪

Whoa.

That's a big cat.

♪

[dramatic music]

♪

[birds singing]

Time to get up and stoke the fire.

Get the day going.

♪

41 days of keeping the fire going

without a fire starter, 'cause I bank the fire.

♪

Not burning the firewood all night, just burying it

in coals so that it burns an entire night.

♪

Nice hot coals in the morning.

♪

All right, heading out into the world.

Ahh.

All right, time to get down to business.

I gotta conserve my calories as much as possible,

but it takes so much for me to live day to day.

♪

So today, I'm gonna head down the shore,

and I think I might sit around by the fire down there.

All right, all loaded up.

I'm gonna go down and work on the fishing.

[ominous music]

♪

I made it, only just.

Picked the wrong fire stick.

Doesn't wanna stay going.

It's enough of a breeze that if I get my hands wet,

I'm gonna be cold in no time, so I'm gonna

get the fire going and then check to see if I got a fish.

♪

This is ridiculous.

♪

Screw it, that's [bleep].

♪

Ah, I'm all messed up, discombobulated.

Head's all ringing.

[groans]

♪

Does not want to start up.

♪

Man, this blows. This freaking blows.

Oh, I just wanna keep throwing a fit about it,

'cause I'm just so frickin' pissed.

♪

So cold down here.

Doesn't that just make a miserable afternoon?

♪

Forgive me for the temper tantrum.

I am hungry and weak.

At this point in the game, I'm just back and forth,

back and forth, you know?

Having fun, doing cool things,

don't wanna be here,

wanna be home with my family.

I'm kind of going up and down like a bipolar roller coaster.

Ha-ha! I got a fish! Whoo-hoo!

I'm gonna eat tonight, yes, sir.

Man, he really tangled my lines, little bastard.

[water splashes] Oh...

[pants]

Oh, no!

Aw, I never should have lifted him out of the water

like that. That was so stupid.

I'm so...

[sighs]

♪

Not my day. Not my day.

That was the dumbest-- why did I--

The stupid lines were so tangled.

I thought I'd just swing it over and--and get 'em ashore.

Ah, [bleep].

♪

I need a better way to mount these freaking poles.

♪

I can't walk in these boots.

♪

I can't walk anyways.

I'm freaking exhausted and hungry.

Things are not going well today,

not having a good day.

[ominous music]

♪

[wind whistling]

♪

[fire crackling]

-I don't know why-- -I just started thinking

about swimming in chocolate pudding.

That's how bad I want desserts right now.

Just thinking of dreams about swimming in the dessert,

that's how much I could eat probably right now.

[water sloshing]

While I'm here, I'll just take a look at these fish traps.

There's a fish.

Crazy. Holy--this guy's a fighter.

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, my goodness, a fish.

Holy smokes.

What a beauty.

Ooh, yes, look at this rainbow.

♪

Well, the fish were feeding last night--oh, my gosh.

A lot of meat on this fish.

More gills for bait, which is great.

I'll try to keep some of the eggs as well.

♪

This one looks kind of pulled tight too.

Oh.

[gasps] There's a fish!

There's a fish just floating there, oh, my gosh!

Wow, I caught one off this line.

I've never caught one on this line.

Two fish in a day, no kidding!

Look at this.

Another fish.

I can't believe it.

♪

So maybe I'm finally getting the hang of fishing.

♪

Oh, my God, you gotta be kidding me.

There's a fish out here.

God, another fish.

Yes, oh, goodness.

♪

Three fish in a day.

Was not expecting that.

♪

There's a boat going by.

May be one of these medical checks.

♪

Let me just take my boots off.

-The knife. -Oh, the knife.

Yeah, and the knife as well.

Yeah, all the heavy stuff, like--

Yep.

-Yeah, these too. -Yeah.

♪

Sorry, my hands are all cold.

[blood pressure cuff hissing]

♪

Breathe deep.

♪

Yeah, okay.

[melancholy music]

♪

Yeah, I'm back down to, like, my marathon running weight.

I haven't been that weight for a bit.

I am so happy.

I'm healthy.

I'm so lucky to be here.

This journey just has such a profound meaning for me.

Just putting your own limits to the test,

not being completely cocooned.

I'm proud of myself to make it this far.

♪

Food definitely makes things so much better.

[ominous music]

♪

Ooh, passed out a little bit there.

Mm...

Hmm.

I'm feeling a whole new level of hunger.

This is also an opportunity to understand that hunger

and figure it out and to-- to be with it.

♪

I'm learning to be okay with hunger.

Back home, I try to do vision quests every six months,

two- or four-day vision quests where I won't eat anything

and just go outside, learn from the land.

♪

I'm finding myself just...

raw.

Like, spiritually raw.

Just, like, everything's vibrating.

[hums]

I can see, like, trees breathing.

It's this bizarre place.

♪

All right, gonna go fishing.

Haven't eaten for a while, my body needs nutrition.

I get that.

I mean, at this point, I have 33 fish fillets

dried and smoked.

33 halves of fish,

filleted.

I want to save fish, because if I can keep

eating them the way I've been eating them,

which is one every other day, I could be out here

for a long, long period of time.

Ideally, if I can bring home ten fish,

then I'll actually have some for Christmas

to make some stew.

Is there a way to hide things going through customs?

I can't put those-- I can't put 11 fish up my butt.

Hmm, we'll see.

♪

[exhales]

It's amazing how breathing can be so difficult

when you don't have a lot of calories.

♪

[exhales]

Just gonna move slow today.

Nice and slow.

[deep breathing]

♪

[heavy breathing]

♪

Ah!

[groaning]

Ah!

[dramatic music]

♪

Ahh...

Holy [bleep].

[sighs]

♪

God, I have no strength.

♪

I can honestly feel my body just deteriorating.

♪

I think I've lost about 1/3 of my body weight.

Can't sustain myself on the diet that I had.

♪

I do want to be healthy, and--

and I've got 33 halves of fish.

♪

So just thinking about just starting to dig in

to some of those and just starting

to take care of my body.

♪

All right, so the process of my stew,

I just got the water to a boil.

Plop the fish right in the stew.

Now, that's gonna go quick 'cause it's boiling pretty good.

Then we'll start putting ingredients in.

Mushrooms and stuff.

I like things boiled for a while

just to make a really nice broth.

[as Julia Child] You must boil in the nutrients

into the stew to make a beautiful broth.

[normal voice] Seriously, it's--

Ah, it's good.

♪

I came out here to go through an evolution.

I want to go to the next step

in my own personal evolution.

♪

Out here, I'm learning so much about myself.

I don't want to leave here

until I feel really, really ready.

♪

Ah.

Oh, my.

I needed that so bad.

[ominous music]

♪

So people come every once in a blue moon

to give you a med check, make sure you're okay

and stuff like that. Not a big deal.

That's just a safety precaution.

♪

Okay.

54.9.

-[speaking Spanish] -[grunts]

Okay, you can put your boots on, if you want.

Excellent.

Sit down.

Okay.

-No. -Good.

[blood pressure cuff hissing]

Pull everything up.

-Okay. -[sighs deeply]

[speaking Spanish]

Oh!

Breathe deep with the mouth.

[deep breathing]

[chuckles softly]

-Okay. -[sighs]

[both speaking Spanish]

No.

I've got food.

I've got food. I can continue to eat.

You're risking organ failure,

and so we need to pull you.

No!

You--you...

I've got food. I can eat.

I got food.

I have food.

I can continue--I can eat.

I can eat higher percentages of the food that I have.

You're too far gone.

It's dangerous for you to stay here.

We're taking you to the hospital.

[sighs]

♪

'Kay.

♪

[sighs] Wish I would have ate more.

I've got so much food.

♪

I thought, "If I store this food, then I have

the ability to continue for a long period of time."

But I pushed myself a little too far.

It's frustrating.

I feel frustrated.

♪

I had enough food. I felt that I could last

two more months...

being outdoors, playing, learning.

♪

I can't believe that I'm going home.

I feel good at my life at home.

Everything's nice,

and I enjoy it, but there's moments

where there's just something missing.

And being out here,

I feel like I'm living.

Life has a higher resonance.

♪

It's been an honor.

It's been beautiful.

♪

[dramatic music]

♪

[birds singing]

♪

I look forward to using modern technology

when I get back, make phone calls, Skype,

and FaceTime with my mom.

Boop-boop, boop-boop.

"Hey, Mom, here's my shelter.

"Here's my fireplace.

Here's where I sleep."

That'd be pretty cool.

[fire crackling]

♪

Definitely getting tired-er,

but my focus is to stay busy

and keep making things.

♪

[upbeat music]

I really want to make a drum.

♪

Doing big projects is wearing me down

a lot quicker than it did earlier on...

I'm so thankful for the hide that I found.

I'm using it as a drum beater head.

This is so cool.

Looks like a cow to me.

Skull and the hide.

I potentially could make something out of this, still.

This is gonna be like my hardware store out here.

As a teenager, my mom was really relaxed

about letting me work on hides in the house.

One time, she let me brain tan a deer hide in the bathroom.

I remember having to clean up and sanitize afterwards,

but she let me do it.

Okay.

♪

I aspire to make a drum.

I aspire to be the last person here.

And my stubborn nature

is helping me keep going.

I've got a circle.

I'd like to get the hide dried out

as soon as possible.

The next step is gonna be drum head lacing.

[dramatic music]

♪

I had a touch of the insomnia last night.

Like, the hunger and everything else created,

like, a strange state of insomnia euphoria

that I--I couldn't break.

I don't need this.

But I feel good now, so I'm gonna get up

and keep on keeping on.

♪

I never thought that I would spend so much time hungry.

I really didn't.

Thought the baited traps would catch stuff, you know?

I'd have rabbits, I'd have deer, I'd have,

you know, a million different things.

I thought my problem would be missing home,

not starving, you know?

♪

I've been de--debating on whether to, you know,

eat some of these roots.

Plants here in Patagonia are my weakness, you know?

So I'm trying to decide whether I should be saving all those,

boiling them, and eating them, or do I--

is that just a risk I can't afford to take?

Without seeing the tops, I don't know

if they're dandelion roots.

I don't trust just eating them just yet.

♪

So I'm gonna hold out on that.

♪

All right, gonna head down, see if I got a fish.

♪

Wow.

The dock is under, like, two inches of water.

This is bad down here.

I don't even know what to do.

The waves are rolling in.

And, man, some of them are big.

It's like the ocean today.

I could lose the dock completely, and then I'd be,

like, up in the trees here throwing lines out,

trying not to tangle them with the trees

as I'm pulling them in.

I don't see anything moving on any of my lines.

This is really a big blow to my fishing capabilities.

Just not what I needed right now

when I'm close to burn-out, you know?

♪

I think the plan is, I'm going to lay a log

all the way to the shore, all the way

to the end of the dock,

and it'll be 8 inches higher.

Yee-haw.

♪

Whew, now I'm feeling that I haven't had

anything to eat today.

♪

Oy vey.

I'm at the end of my limit here.

Feeling shaky,

put a lot into getting this log out here.

The dock lines are all rigged and set up the same way

they always are, so there's no reason why

they shouldn't catch a fish, if they--

couldn't catch a fish.

So sick of the weak feeling in my muscles

and in my legs.

I'm gonna continue to go downhill

if I don't get more into me for food.

[dramatic music]

♪

I'm getting quite thin,

and I need to work on eating a whole lot.

I feel like if I can get some good animal protein,

I could keep going.

♪

Plants have a lot of great nutrients,

but I don't know how many calories they have to give me.

♪

Right now, I definitely feel like I'm living

each day here as if it could be my last day.

♪

I have to do some stuff to enjoy my time out here.

I really wanna complete my drum.

It's a good inside day.

It's a good inside project.

Go ahead and get the awl holes punched in.

♪

All the holes are in.

♪

I got about 40 to 50 feet of rawhide lacing cut.

♪

Sometimes I have to push myself to keep going,

to finish it up.

♪

And it feels really good when it's done.

♪

Mentally, emotionally, spiritually,

I'm still in it, still enjoying being here.

I'm just really worried that my body's gonna be

the Achilles' heel of this adventure.

[ominous music]

♪

There's still a lot I could make out here.

As soon as I know that I have food and calories,

I start brainstorming again about things to build.

I could almost build a hammock, actually,

with branches.

♪

Like, this branch might work.

It's nice to actually do things that are a little bit artistic.

I think that's part of-- half the battle out here,

just keeping the boredom at bay.

♪

Keeping yourself busy.

So I've cut down five saplings,

and I'm just gonna cut them to length.

Hopefully they're flexible enough

but sturdy enough to hold my weight too.

♪

So these will interweave between all the--

five structural pieces of the hammock.

♪

It'll give it more support.

♪

I have to adapt and stay positive,

apply my skill set, and just keep

moving forward every day.

♪

If you have the right mind-set, it's amazing

what can be accomplished.

♪

I need to find two trees to hang this from.

♪

My hammock, made out of paracord and saplings.

Let's see if this works.

♪

This'll be relaxing.

♪

Ahh.

[dramatic music]

♪

Feeling pretty tired today,

but I'm really excited about my drum.

Finally got it made.

[gentle percussion]

[soft tapping]

♪ But you are awesome

[fingertips pattering]

I figured it'd make some sort of noise

but didn't know if it would make a nice resonance or not.

I'm loving being here,

but what do I miss?

I miss having a journal.

So many things that I wish I could write down.

I miss our cat.

I miss Tyler a whole bunch,

and I miss all my other loved ones and friends.

[melancholy music]

♪

How long can I make it?

♪

Oh, that's the hard part.

I do really want to win.

♪

I'd love to be the first woman to win.

I want to be the last person here.

[ominous music]

♪

I gotta do a lot of foraging.

Always on the hunt for stuff.

Berries, bait...

Let's see if I can find some mushrooms.

[laughs]

I'm a girl that gets excited about "fun guys."

The mushroom, that is.

Pretty excited about finding these.

I thought they were done for the season, but they're not.

Mm, it's a good fungus.

♪

I'm gonna look for more.

See if I can find some more.

♪

Dinner, rose hips.

♪

I would prefer a fish, but this'll have to do.

♪

The thing about foraging,

it kind of takes my mind away

from how much I miss my family.

♪

I got to be careful with these rose hips.

Each of them have about 20 seeds in them,

and they're hard as a rock.

♪

I just woke up.

It's, uh...

I don't even know what time it is.

It's like the middle of the night,

and it's raining hard.

Uh, but what woke me up is, I have this...

Pain in my tooth.

I haven't had a pain like that for--I don't know when.

I don't think I've ever had a pain wake me up

like that in my tooth.

Uh-huh, it looks like there might be a piece

of my back molar missing.

[sighs]

Feels like it's a bit swollen on that side too.

I assume it's from rose hips.

♪

[groans]

Even a small chip in your tooth can just lead

to the biggest problem,

'cause I don't have antibiotics.

I don't want to be out here with a jaw infection.

That's for sure.

[bleep].

♪

♪

Wow.

One choppy lake.

♪

Stripped hooks and nothing there.

Man, this is starting to really tick me off.

♪

I've always caught stuff again at some point,

and--just nothing.

As many times as I've baited, in the past,

I would've caught at least four or five fish.

This is ridiculous.

♪

My consistent, persistent effort

has always paid off, except for now.

♪

No fish.

Ever since the water's risen,

I haven't been able to catch a single fish.

And maybe the chop will slow down.

I don't know.

I don't know--I don't-- I don't know what else to do.

[ominous music]

♪

Grubs and roots for dinner.

I know some of these are dandelion roots,

and some of them are this other flower

that's in here, and I don't think

it's a problem, but there's not much to them anyway.

But at least it'll give me something to chew on.

I--I can't imagine it's more than a couple calories.

♪

Let's see if they're tender and juicy...

♪

Or even palatable.

♪

Hot.

♪

Oh, yeah.

♪

Tastes like carrots.

Probably should have done that sooner.

I don't know how much they can do for me, but...

Aww...

[voice breaks] It tastes like carrots.

[sobbing]

I'm so hungry.

[sniffles]

[whimpers]

[sobbing]

I don't know how long I can keep going like this.

♪

[sniffles]

♪

It is mentally crushing me.

♪

I wish the others would just hurry up and quit.

♪

I want to win so bad.

♪

[sighs]

It tastes like carrots.

[laughing]

Oh, my goodness.

Losing it.

I don't think I've been so tired and so hungry ever in my life.

I have this guilt as a mother,

leaving my children for a very long time.

Please, God, help me catch a fish.

I'm getting so thin.

I'm guessing I'm down around 100 pounds.

Got another med check today,

and I don't think it's good news.

That's probably where it comes to an end for me.

I gotta get my tooth checked out.

I'm not ready to go home yet.

[dramatic music]

♪