All language subtitles for mom.s07e15.internal.720p.web.x264-bamboozle-eng

And I'll have
the southwestern salad.

But?

No corn, no beans,
no avocado.

So a bowl of lettuce
with some cheese?

Yes, please. Pepper Jack
instead of cheddar.

You people never disappoint.

Okay, we ordered.
Are you gonna

tell them your news,
or do I have to?

I'm not sure
it's really news.

That guy Wayne she met
at the sober jamboree in Canada

is coming down
for a booty call.

- Marjorie!
- Oh. Stop.

Nothing's happened
between us.

There was just
a little energy.

If you get married,
I call maid of honor.

Why would I do that?

They've Skyped twice and
she's worn lipstick both times.

Oh, you do lurk a lot,
don't you?

More than you know.

Ooh, and he sent her
pictures of his dogs.

Oh. He's a dog person.

That's not bad.

It's a romantic comedy
waiting to happen.

He likes dogs,
she likes cats.

Meow, this relationship's
gonna be "ruff."

(laughs)

Come on! You would
see that movie.

So what are the sleeping
arrangements gonna be?

Settle down. It's just
gonna be dinner on Friday.

We all know dinner Friday
means breakfast Saturday.

I'll make you guys pancakes,
if that's not too lurky.

I need fries and a Diet Coke.

No salt,
ranch instead of ketchup.

I am in crisis.

What's going on?

Well, you know
how I'm hosting

that big charity event
this weekend?

That we're not
invited to, yes.

Well, come up with $1,500,
you're invited.

We're having a nice time here,
why you got to be mean?

Anyway, I got out my antique
silverware to have it polished

and a bunch of it is missing.

- (gasps)
- Oh, sometimes I'm positive

Something is missing,
and I've just misplaced it.

You think I took 12 forks, eight
spoons, three knives, a ladle

and then absentmindedly
left them out by the pool?

What do you think happened?

I hate to say it, but I think
my housekeeper stole from me.

Which one?

I don't know, so I'm gonna
have to fire them both.

But not till
after the party

'cause they're both
really good at their jobs.

Honey, y-you don't know for sure
it was them.

Well, who else had
access and opportunity?

Be right back, Jill.

I'm just, uh,
looking for some tea.

Oh! God.

I just flashed on Marjorie
and Wayne making out.

(chuckling):
Why would I do that?

[♪♪]

*MOM
Season 07 Episode 15

Episode Title: "Somebody's
Grandmother and the A-List"

Hey, how are you doing?

What-what are you doing?

Reading about a farmer

who sued a railroad in 1897.

It's a lot more boring
than it sounds.

Ha! Good one.

Is this for the, uh, class with
that lady professor that yells?

It's weird. I feel like
she's so much harder

on the women
than the men.

Maybe she's trying
to make us stronger

so we can take on
the patriarchy.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.
I stole the silverware.

What?

Jill's silverware.
Five years ago. Me.

How could you do that?

We were practically homeless.

And in my defense,
I had no idea

we were gonna like her
as much as we do.

- Why didn't you tell me?
- I forgot.

- You forgot?
- You know that thing I do

when I'm ashamed
of something

I've done, I shove it way down
until I forget about it?

I did that with this.

You're unbelievable.

It was a long time ago.
I was barely sober.

And let's be honest,
I stole from everybody.

Everybody?

No.

Well, you got to tell Jill.

You're right, you're right,
you're right.

I'm thinking a sealed letter
she can open after I die.

Maybe a series of cryptic clues.

Could be fun for all ages
at my funeral.

(groans)

Hey, everyone's up.

What's going on?

I just remembered I stole
a bunch of silverware

from Jill five years ago.

Okay, good night.

See? He gets me.

Well, if you don't
have blue hydrangeas,

why would you let me
order 12 arrangements

featuring blue hydrangeas?

(softly):
Come on in.

(gasps) You did not just
say carnations to me.

This is a benefit,
not an Appalachian prom.

Ooh, I tell you what,

I'm gonna take some
deep cleansing breaths

while you have somebody
with a tiny shred

of floral imagination
call me.

Ooh!
I swear to God,

saving these little
diabetes kids is gonna kill me.

You are such a good person
to be doing this.

Yeah, well, tell that
to Melanie Kirkpatrick.

She's head of the
event committee at my club.

She did not
want me hosting this.

She's still not
over the time I got drunk

and set the lobsters free at the
charity clambake. (laughs)

Dinner and a show.
She should be thanking you.

Oh, I just really
need it to go well

so I can get back
on the A-list.

And the kids.
And the kids.

It's gonna be a huge success,

they're gonna donate
a lot of money,

everybody's gonna love you,

I stole your silverware.

What... what was that?

Huge success, lot of money,
everyone loves you.

I think that was it.

You stole it?

I was desperate.
I did a terrible thing.

But you and I
are in a program

where everyone
has made huge mistakes,

and this is me owning up to one.

I'm-I'm truly,
truly sorry.

That silverware's been
in my family for 150 years.

My great-grandmother
gave it to my grandmother

who gave it to my mother
who gave it to me,

and they're all dead now.

Sounds like maybe
it was cursed.

That silverware is all I had
that connected me to them.

Oh. Um, I didn't know
it was that important.

Well, maybe you should have
asked me before you stole it

so I could have
directed you to something

less emotionally resonant.

- Jill...
- Just leave.

Oh, come on, I'll do anything
to make this right.

- Go! Now.
- Okay, fine.

Please tell me

that wasn't your
grandmother's.

No, it was Crate & Barrel.

But I liked it!

Hey, Marjorie,
how's it going in there?

MARJORIE:
Oh, I don't know why

I'm getting so excited
for this date.

The man lives
in Canada,

and you know I hate winter,
so I can't move there.

He loves winter,
she loves summer,

but will they fall in love?

Oh, would you like me to set up
a dressing room for you?

Oh, no, no, no,
I'm only 40.

Um, feel it.

- Fine.
- (chuckles)

Oh, mama.

Do you have an extra small?

I'm sure I do.

(sighs)

Oh, Marjorie,
you look beautiful.

Well... not bad
for an old broad.

- (chuckles)
- (scoffs)

Look around.
In this place, not so old.

You're in luck.

What do you think...

Should I take off my ring

before I go on the date?

Do you feel ready?

Been two years.

Yeah, I think if I'm asking
the question, I'm ready.

Victor, I love you,

and I'm grateful
for the time we shared

and...

taking this off
will never change that.

That was beautiful.

(chuckles)

Mine. Back off.

That's a new look
for you.

I went shopping with Marjorie
and this caught my eye.

Where'd you go,
Forever 71?

Touch it, go ahead,
touch it.

Ooh. Is this happening
on the inside too?

Yes, it's like
I'm wearing a kitten.

Hi, Jill.

Hi Wendy, Christy,
Tammy, Bonnie.

(clears throat)
How's Clyde?

Bonnie and Clyde.
They were robbers.

She's a robber.
They're all robbers.

(laughs)

I'm trying to cut
the tension, laugh it up.

No, this is good,
she's making jokes about me.

It means she's over it.

- I'm not over it.
- (singsongy): But you're getting close.

- (singsongy): No, I'm not.
- (singsongy): But you're singing with me.

(singsongy): I can sing and
still hate you at the same time.

You know, if Marjorie
were here...

I thought she was.

Don't listen.
You're awesome.

In my defense,

I didn't know I was gonna
like you as much as I do.

Does she not hear
how that sounds?

Let's just talk it out.

I mean, look how much
I've forgiven Bonnie for.

Introducing me
to drugs,

getting me kicked out
of our foster home...

I forgive her every day
for the bullying.

And we're in an
anti-bullying era.

Guys?
My childhood.

Thanks for playing.

See?

If Leisure World over here
can forgive me,

anyone can forgive me.

Yeah, well, I'm not gonna.

Jill, I screwed up.

But I was
a different person then.

I'm really sorry.

Excuse me, I have to
go to the ladies'.

(Bonnie scoffs)

Seriously? She thinks I'm gonna
steal out of her purse?

Well, there are consequences
when you steal from someone.

Mine was seven years in prison,
yours is an awkward lunch.

COMMENTATOR:
What a hit!

(crowd roars)

Pass intercepted!

Do you need me to talk you down
or just get out of the way?

Talk me down.

Really? 'Cause this
is a live sporting event.

- There's...
- O-Okay. Okay.

Give me the facts.

I have apologized my
butt off to Jill

about the silverware,
and she still treats me like a criminal.

Well, technically,
you d...

Uh, okay.

How about this?

Uh...

just because you're ready
to be forgiven

doesn't mean that
she's ready to forgive.

I think you should
give her time.

Ugh. I could get better advice
from a clock.

I have to fix this.

I don't think you can.
Oh, yeah?

Watch me, clock.

That was just for dramatic
effect. I have nowhere to go.

Do you know what my favorite
part of the conference was?

When I fell on my ass
in the snow

and you stopped me from
going after the kid who laughed?

(chuckling)
It was funny

when he took a
snowball to the face.

Yeah.
(chuckles)

You got a pretty good arm.

- Can I tell you about our specials?
- Oh.

Uh, no, thanks,
we're just having coffee.

Yes.

Coffee.

Yeah, two coffees.

I actually have dinner plans
after this.

Yes. So do I.

That's why I'm so dressed up.
Who'd wear velvet to coffee?

How'd the date go?

Can you not stop smiling?

Okay.
You're not smiling.

Did you just now
stop smiling?

Turns out it was
coffee, not a date.

Oh. Sorry.
Been there.

Once, I thought
I was on a date,

but turns out it was
a dentist appointment.

Well, obviously, Wayne
just wants to be friends.

Dr. Gann
just wanted me to floss.

But I-I thought that Wayne
came here to see you?

No, he's here on business.

I'm the one who built it up

because I'm a
ridiculous old woman.

I don't like it when my mother
calls you that,

and I don't like it
when you do it.

I've never been
so humiliated.

Really?

'Cause, for a couple of years,
your address was

"cardboard box."

All right, well, this
was a close runner-up.

Here's the good news:

you got excited
about someone,

which means you are ready
to get out there.

And that means
you're gonna get out there,

and that means
you're gonna find someone.

You know what?

I'm really fine
being alone.

I'm a lot like
you in that way.

I tried to kiss my dentist.

You think I'm fine
being alone?

What you watching?

My house.

What's it doing?

It's bustling with caterers
and florists and delivery guys,

and now, because of your mother,

I can't stop obsessing over
what they might be stealing.

They're not stealing.
They're working.

Mm. Already saw
one guy help himself

to an ice cream sandwich
from my freezer.

(chuckles)
Joke's on you, sir.

Those are two years old
and made with hemp milk.

Hey, don't you spit that
on my floor.

That stone is porous!

(indistinct conversation)

Oh, no.

- What?
- Wayne's here.

I told him about
this meeting.

I didn't think
he'd come.

- That's your Wayne?
- (Marjorie sighs)

He's hot.

Yeah. He's my hot,
platonic friend.

Wasn't a date.

Oh.

Hi, Wayne.

Hey, Marjorie.

I, uh, saved you
a seat next to me.

(chuckles): Oh. Sorry, I
always sit with my girls.

These are my girls.

Say hi, girls.

Hi.

Hi, girls.
(chuckles)

Marjorie, come here.

There's a guy I
want you to meet.

Don't help me.

ALL: ...and the wisdom
to know the difference.

Well, Wayne, it was
great to see you again.

Safe travels.

Actually, I was wondering

what you were doing
after the meeting.

Oh, I think I've
had enough coffee.

Look, I'm sorry
about the other night.

I really wanted it
to be more, but...

I got cold feet.

(chuckles)
You did?

Yeah, my wife died
a year and a half ago.

Sometimes it feels like
a long time.

Sometimes it really doesn't.

Ooh, I understand that.

And I haven't been on a date
for 40 years, so I...

- I have no idea what I'm doing.
- Well,

Why didn't you tell me?

Because I haven't been
on a date for 40 years.

And the feet... cold.

(chuckles)

How are the feet
feeling now?

Want to give it
another try?

Yeah, I-I would like that.

Oh.

Hey, Marjorie.

This guy over there is
asking me for your number.

- So...
- (chuckles) Well, tell him thank you,

But Wayne and I
are going out to dinner.

Oh, my God,
that's so great.

There's no guy.

- Oh, good. You're still here.
- Oh.

I was just leaving.
Got to make sure

my bartender doesn't steal
my jewelry, thanks to you.

Please, just give me
one minute.

Where were you?
You missed the meeting.

I got caught in traffic
driving back from San Francisco,

where I was able
to track down

some very similar pieces
of silverware...

Not as old but not new...

That definitely belonged
to someone's grandmother,

which I hope you will accept
with my deepest apologies.

Boy, you went to a lot
of trouble, Bonnie.

Jill, didn't Bonnie go
to a lot of trouble?

Sorry.
I gave it a shot.

Come on.
Please take it.

Shelby, you just moved
into a new place, right? Enjoy.

Hey. Give that back.

Biscotti... go.

Crème brûlée... go.

Flourless chocolate
cake... hold!

Go.

Go, go, go!

Oh, God, I know

you probably have
more important things to do,

but please
just get me through dessert

and coffee and saying goodbye
to people whose names I forgot.

There you are.

Melanie.
Is everything okay?

You know, Jill, when the
committee selected you

to host this event,
I had my doubts,

which I expressed
passionately.

Yeah.
You included me on the text.

I just had a hard time imagining
this not being a disaster.

But look. You're
still dressed,

and no one slipped
in your vomit.

Yeah, yay for me.

And... I'm not
that person anymore.

No, you're not.

And I need to stop judging
you on who you used to be.

Thank you.
That means a lot.

Clear your April,

'cause we've got AIDS
and leukemia coming up.

Oh, I'd be thrilled
to get either!

Yes!
I am back, baby.

(knocking)

Oh. Hello.

I'm here to make
a formal apology.

Well, you're certainly
dressed for it.

Listen...

I realized a couple
of things tonight.

One: no one
likes salmon toast but me.

And two:

I don't want to be judged
on who I used to be, and...

that's exactly what
I've been doing to you.

I'm so sorry for being an idiot.

Oh, you weren't.
I broke your trust.

I know earning that back
is gonna take time.

Not as long as you think.

Come here.

And for the record,

I didn't expect
to like you, either.

Aw!

Oh, good God!

How many of those things
did you buy?

I don't have a man!

(gasps)

What?

I just remembered.
I stole $20 out of your wallet

the first time
we slept together.

Oh. Okay.

(gasps)

What?

And the second time.

Okay.

Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

Sync corrections by srjanapala