Original subtitles

TO JOY

Hello... Hello? Who do you want to speak to?

Stig Ericsson? He's in rehearsal at the moment.

Goodness... Yes, wait a moment and l'll go and call him.

Hello...

Hello?

Grandmother sent me. She couldn't travel.

l tried calling you at work, but l...

But what has happened?

The paraffin stove exploded.

Marta was badly burned. Both her and the little girl.

Marta is dead.

The girl is okay, they said at the infirmary.

They called just before l left and they said that she was out of danger.

The paraffin stove exploded. We heard it go off and came running.

Marta died on the way to the infirmary.

Grandmother said her and grandfather are coming tomorrow and will call you.

Lasse and l will go and buy a mourning band.

THE STORY OF STlG AND MARTA'S MARRlAGE -

- BEGlNS ON AN AUTUMN DAY SEVEN YEARS EARLlER...

Today starts a new season. l think it's good. l don't know about you.

We welcome two new members to Helsinborg's Orchestra.

And that is Stig Ericsson...

...in place of Sunkan who died last summer. God rest his soul.

Then we have a woman in the orchestra.

lt's a little silly and totally against nature.

But she's very talented. She 's over there if you haven't seen her.

Her name is Marta. Welcome to both of you.

Right... let's start.

Gentlemen...

Let's have the wind section. From fortissimo.

And let's have everything. Everything!

Well... you sounded awful today. But that's natural.

Good afternoon, gentlemen... and lady.

Kurt H. is coming on Thursday. Then we'll have some music.

Hello Stig. lmagine us ending up here. How's your summer been?

l was abroad with my brother and heard lots of music. And you?

- Summer orchestra. - Poor thing!

l never want to play ''Gold and Silver'' again.

- Have you worked? - l studied Mendelssohn and others...

- Why do you sound so angry? - l don't sound angry.

- Have you found anywhere to stay? - Yes. And you?

- lt's a nightmare, but cheap. - lt's my birthday. You want to come?

- l don't feel like it. Who's coming? - You'll see if you come.

Can you lend me a tenner? lt's awkward asking for an advance, but...

- lt'd be great if you could lend me. - lf you come tonight.

- lf you lend me twenty l'll come. - Will you cut your hair, too?

- Cut my hair? What's that about? - And buy a present for 1,50.

And try to be happy and nice and don't shout about it as usual.

- What's up? - l'm cursing my fate.

You look inexplicably comical when you're newly cut and combed.

- ls that Marta's work? - You know her?

- We had a thing together. And you? - No, just from the academy.

She has a matchless personality, but is very rash.

- Ripe for love, if you get me. - l didn't ask for an analysis!

She left me in a way that almost made me ask for her hand.

- And? - l stopped myself at the last minute.

- But it was damn close. - Well, l'm not interested.

- So you're not coming this evening? - No time or desire.

'Course you will. Bring your violin and we'll make music before we get drunk.

l would like something for 1,50.

- That. The bear over there. - This?

- lt costs 4,80. - l'll take it anyway.

- Shall l wrap it? - No, thanks, l'll take it as it is.

- He looks so nice, l think. - Yes, those bears are very popular...

Thanks...

Stop that bloody nonsense!

And he slammed down his fist and said, ''Stop that bloody nonsense!''

... it's quite funny. l'll tell it to you next time, when we have time.

No, no... Don't do that. Don't be silly.

- What are you grinning at? - At you, of course.

You'd better bloody stop it. As you are drunk, l don't wish to hurt you.

l am magnificent when l am on stage.

Have you heard me play violin? All the most famous players are charlatans.

They live by cheap tricks. But l can see through their charade.

l'll tell you the secret of real art. lt's created when you are unhappy.

l prefer being unhappy. God knows l'm mostly in that state.

l'll show all you bastards what violin playing is all about!

You're all here with a bad conscience. l know what you're thinking.

Are we artists, we who only think of drinking, women and a pension?

Yes, l'm drunk, l admit it. lf l wasn't l wouldn't dare say a thing.

But let me tell you l see through you and through me!

And l say take it away. lt's worth nothing!

We'll all die and come back to life. And then you'll hear violin playing!

Because humility... is what it comes down to.

Remember that, you horrible loafers, as you wallow there -

- and slobber and burp with stained ties!

- How do you feel? - Go to blazes!

Shame on you. Have you had a haircut? You look like an oiled cat.

Yes, that's your fault.

l can't understand who l am.

Why l can't be like a respectable person even though l'm talented.

Because l'm really talented even though l'm drunk.

Have you met my wife, Nelly?

l assure you that she's an acquaintance to make.

She's a fun little creature.

With a mouth like a... like a red flower.

l'm thinking of giving you to her. She'll appreciate that.

- Why are you shouting? - The roof fell in.

Although l saw it was the curtain. l must lie down, l feel awful.

- You overdid it a bit yesterday. - Yes...

l must sit up...

- What time is it and where am l? - lt's 5.00 and you're at my place.

- What for? - You couldn't be moved.

No, no, Stig, cut that out. Don't argue.

- You're the one making a scene. - lf you can't keep calm you must go.

- l'm awfully silly. - Yes, you are.

- People like me shouldn't live. - You're harmless.

You could have bought me a birthday present couldn't you?

- But l have. Of course! - But you've forgotten it.

No, wait, you'll see. Where's my coat?

Maybe you think it's really stupid. lt was all l could come up with.

Thanks so much, Stig. lt's a very nice birthday present.

We should get some sleep. We're rehearsing at 9.00am tomorrow.

Perhaps one acts crazily and stupidly sometimes.

The main thing, however, is that one wants to be a real person and artist.

Hey... You must agree with that?

Yes, l do... Good night.

Night.

AUTUMN HAS TAKEN HOLD

- S�nderby is nice. - He's a little boring.

- Would you like to be like him? - He's done good. l'd also like to.

l'm 25. When you're that age you should have become someone...

- ...someone with responsibility. - l'm happy.

l'd like to start a string quartet that's brilliant and tours the world.

- We'd be best! - Of course.

- You have a strange grin l don't like. - l simply feel friendly.

- What about you? What do you want? - Nothing.

l'd like to bury myself. Really deeply so that nothing got to me.

- But you're not unhappy. - Some have an unnaturally happy air.

We've always talked about me when we've met. l know nothing about you.

- Maybe it's better for you and for me. - Don't talk nonsense.

Hey... Stig?

Do you care about me at all?

- What do you mean? - l haven't let you sleep with me.

lf you were to make love to me, would you then care a little for me?

Answer honestly. You don't have to be afraid of hurting me.

- There you are! You can't answer. - l have to think about it first.

Of course l've thought about why you've been so awkward, but...

- But we've had fun anyway. - You haven't answered.

l know exactly what you mean. You want an assurance that l love you.

Otherwise you'll have moral pangs.

- God, you're stupid. - Then don't speak in riddles.

l want the two of us to be together.

Sorry... One talks this way and that and forgets one's addressing a person.

There's so much misery, laxity and indifference, in body and in mind.

ln the end you don't believe in anything. You think that's how it is.

- That's the whole meaning. - There doesn't have to be a meaning.

Yes, there must be. lf there isn't you make one up. Otherwise you can't live.

l've been married. You know that. But it's just lies and deception.

l've cheated with the job as well. Was mildly talented... you know.

Almost all l've done has been a cheat. My whole life.

- l don't believe that. - That's easy to say.

l don't want what's between us to be a cheat. lt must be either or...

- Are you scared? - One can take things too seriously.

This will be just like playing with words for you.

l want to be together with you, you've noticed that.

But you can't talk about love and marriage at every turn either.

- l promise l'll be as nice as l can. - We won't make any pledges.

But we can promise each other to be honest. That's absolutely necessary.

- And we won't insult one another. - No. lf we get tired we'll say so.

lt'll be you who gets tired.

You don't believe that. No, we won't be under any illusions.

lt'll often be difficult. More difficult than we can soberly foresee.

- Let's stop now. - Yes.

You know what? Let's move your things over to mine. lt'll be cheaper.

Good. l hate my room. l would have contracted rheumatism there.

- From next month we'll split the rent. - Yes...

l promise you won't have to lie on that uncomfortable sofa.

Unless you really want to, of course.

What have you been up to over Christmas?

ln this blasted town where people just eat and eat!

You blobs!

- This is amongst the most difficult. - Not for someone talented.

But there are lazybones and blockheads. Once more from the top.

l can't bear this frightful squealing.

We'll take a ten minute break.

- We have to ask for time off. -Time off?

- Are you crazy? - You said we could leave before 1 .00.

- l didn't realise you were untalented. - Anyhow, we have to go.

- Really? - We're getting married at 2.30.

God... Goodness...

l forgot. lt's probably best l apply for my pension and stop working.

- l was meant to be... - You were meant to be the witness.

No... wonderful. We'll just have to call the mayor and postpone it.

You can't postpone a wedding without valid reason.

- But you can cancel a rehearsal? - A wedding is valid even in war.

- But this isn't a military unit. - lt can be like a concentration camp.

- lmpudence! We'll rehearse all day. - Not with Marta and me.

- Then you can leave my orchestra. - We're what makes your orchestra.

You weren't given the strap as a child!

And you're becoming a child again.

- Go to hell! - l don't want to be where you are.

You know l shouldn't be this angry. You're ungrateful, inconsiderate...

- l could get a cardiac arrest and die. - Good riddance.

- At least honest folk could marry. - The result of women in orchestras.

What happened to her?

- Have you looked in the toolbox? - And your jewel-case...

- Go and buy a new stud. - How can it just disappear like that?

- Are you sure you haven't seen it? - l haven't got time.

- Where is it? - l'm coming.

Here l am. Goodness, we're in a hurry.

Marrying is both time-consuming and nerve-wracking. Admit it.

- Do you regret it? - lf l'm honest, l regret it terribly.

- Me too. What ideas one has at times. - We'll call and cancel.

We made all this fuss to get away. What would S�nderby say?

- You handled him well, anyway. - What do you mean?

The way you fainted broke him.

- lt was for real. - Don't try. lt was amateur dramatics.

- l see... there you go... - Did you really feel faint?

- What if l did? - Why?

lt's not so strange. With child, you understand...

You don't seem especially enthusiastic. You don't have to be.

- How'd it happen? - ln the usual way.

- Don't be funny. - A stupid answer to a stupid question.

- Have you known long? - Yes, almost three months.

- Why didn't you say anything? - Because l want a child. Understand?

- You get them if you want to or not. - You're really naive.

- You mean that...? - Yes!

- You never said. - Would it change anything?

lf you had an abortion before you can do it again. lt's all disgusting.

- What's disgusting? - You've almost had it behind my back.

How do l know it's mine?

Besides, we haven't got space. Nappies and pee and child care -

- and babysitters and cots and hell, your grandmother...

Think of all the crying and noise. Where will l rehearse? Thanks for this.

How'd you thought of organising this? You would have had to tell me.

Had you thought of coming one day saying, ''Here's a child for you, Dad''?

- Well? - Should l apologise?

You don't understand. l don't want a child, l hate children!

You think this is a good world to come into? l prefer extinction.

- Why don't you say anything? - l'm listening to you.

You've no idea what you're talking about, you're talking rubbish.

What do you want me to do? Embrace you and say he'll be Prime Minister?

- l'd like you to react like a man! - A superman?

- A simple man. - Now l'm not a man!

l knew that you were neurotic. That you were childish and egotistic...

- But l didn't know you were cruel. - Really...

lt's good l found out before the marriage, because there won't be one.

- We can't cancel now! - And they say we are so conventional.

- What will happen now? - l'm going to the tobacconist to call.

As you don't want to. You can stay and live here, l don't care.

l never saw it as more than board and lodging.

You're crazy, absolutely crazy! Are you crying?

- l've never seen you cry. Are you sad? - No.

No, l'm just tired. Of you...

Have l spoilt everything? Why are you crying, you know how l am!

l'm crying just because l'm angry that l'm crying.

lf l wasn't completely drained l would cry...

Perhaps you thought l'd be happy?

ln my heart l knew it would be just like this.

Of course one imagines a whole lot of things. l don't know...

- lt's part of it. - Did you do that the last time too?

Then... everything was wrong.

- There was no place for imaginings. - You mean that now...

l kind of thought that what was between you and me...

...was something else. l should have understood that nothing changes.

Everything is the same always.

- Even the words one says. - Damn it, l love you...

But, sweetheart... You know, l've never liked surprises.

When l was small l got angry and afraid when people surprised me.

l think it was the same this time.

l must say that you could have found a more opportune time.

When l think about it, we'll get child support which is hunky dory.

The little guy will almost support us. And they can't toss you out with baby.

Putte's sister is almost always knocked up -

- and she just sits there playing with her belly in the air.

And when she can't play anymore, then l think she gets half pay.

Of course we could change flats if we needed to.

- Hey... - You talk a lot.

The thing with surprises is true and it's also psychologically credible.

Look at what l look like. My nose gets twice as big when l cry...

Say what you like, this will be a wedding both you and l will remember.

Marriage is for the individual's well being and society's good.

You've indicated your willingness to enter into marriage.

Stig Ericsson, do you take Marta Olsson to be your lawful wife?

Marta Olsson, do you take Stig Ericsson to be your lawful husband?

- l do. - Will you now exchange rings.

By the power invested in me, l declare you man and wife.

Never forget the promise of fidelity that you have made.

Live together in mutual love and safeguard the future generation.

May harmony and happiness remain intrinsic to your marriage.

Maybe he will be prime minister. lf he's like you, anyway.

The stud... We'll keep it as a souvenir.

Well... we've got 14 days.

We've gone through the concert twice.

- You should handle it adequately. - Sure.

Sure, you say... But l know what you're thinking.

- What does your wife say? - Nothing.

- That's worrying... - You're both trying to put me down.

lf l were honest, l'd prefer to avoid this balancing act.

But what do you do when your solo violinist packs it in?

But you consider the case concluded. What are you staring at?

Well, l'll tell you...

l'm staring at that devil called ambition twinkling in your eyes.

- And is that so strange? - No...

No, it's not. lt's not at all strange.

But you've only been here six months -

- and you haven't discovered that music is a goal, not a means.

- Well, what did he say? - lt worked. Now l have my chance.

Now l'll show them how to play violin. lt can go on to become whatever...

Maybe l'll get to Stockholm. l actually don't know what could happen.

lt's a wonderful feeling. To have everything before you.

To know no limits. But you're happy too, this...

- This goes for you as well as me. - Of course l'm happy.

- Come on. - l'm not going in. l'm no clown!

You'll go in if it's the last thing you do. lt's not about you now.

Come on.

Rehearsal isn't until 10.00 tomorrow. You know...

Bastard! Bloody bastard. Now he's happy, of course.

Let's go home and have a drink. We both need it.

Yes, come on. We can't stay here.

Bloody bastard! l'm simply mediocre!

- That went better than expected. - Go and jump in the deepest lake.

Read it. lt's better if you read it.

Read it aloud.

- There isn't much. - Read what's there.

''Stig Ericsson debuted prematurely in Mendelssohn's Violin Concerto.''

''lt's surprising that an experienced conductor like S�nderby'' -

- ''didn't avert this rather unnecessary suicide.''

''lt's possible that Ericsson is talented.''

''According to the programme, he's been to the best schools.''

- Go on. - There isn't anything else.

There isn't...?

ls it that bad?

Are you happy now? You and S�nderby?

Just think how everyone is going to laugh.

- Where are you off to? - Making coffee.

- l don't want coffee. - But l do.

You think, of course, that this doesn't matter.

- Close the window, l'm freezing. - l feel bad, l want some fresh air.

Why don't you say anything?

But, Stig, what shall l say? Shall l say that the concert went well?

That they printed lies, that everyone is wrong?

Shall l comfort you and say that it'll be better next time?

There'll be no next time, you know that as well as l.

- l'd be happy for one thing. - What's that?

Well... that l could go to rehearsal today at 10.00 o'clock -

- sit as usual at my usual place and do my job.

That shows how little you know. l'm going out for a walk. Alone!

No, Stig... Can l go with you? Please, Stig, can l go with you?

l want to go alone, l said. l don't want to drag your load.

- Are you going to the rehearsal? - l don't know.

- lt's nothing to do with you. - You shouldn't push me away.

There's so much l shouldn't do.

lt's easier when there are two of you, l'm sure of it.

You are never two. lnside you're always alone.

What you're saying is just jabber and sentimentality.

l'm alone as l've always been. No more to say about it.

Why are you so scared of me?

Scared? How comical...

l want to be left alone and that's it. Goodbye.

- So you're sitting here brooding? - And you? You don't look so happy.

lnsomnia...

Perhaps a character is developing? A creative act.

Not at all. l heard Mendelssohn yesterday. lt was awful.

- l didn't dare sleeping afterwards. - Nice of you to take it like that.

- You understand. - l know it myself. The great silence.

Why are you grinning? Everyone is. Am l comical or is it coincidence?

Of course you're comical, because you failed.

Come on, we'll go drink a cup of coffee at my place.

Goodness, it looks messy here!

- l can't clean up every day. - You never clean up, dear heart.

We'll pull the blinds so we don't have to see it.

Once it was so untidy the health authorities came around.

They said we'd have to move if we didn't improve.

- We had a dog then, but he died. - He had puppies, then he died.

Probably from surprise.

- You look so sad. - l'd hoped to catch the moon in a net.

But just as l was going to pull it up, he disappeared deep under me.

- Like a fish? - No, like a big, big coin.

Oh, now l understand.

You're a treasure hunter who sets out to sea and fishes for sunken planets.

l was going to buy a bomb and blow up a certain warehouse. lncluding vermin.

Puppy sickness, my boy. Word diarrhoea... blow up, crash -

- slam down your fist and curse the heavens!

lt all ends in a pension and a medal for faithful service. Cheers!

- Shut up, l'm talking to your wife. - Marriage to an old pig is worthless.

lt's moving, isn't it!

- l'm going home. l have a rehearsal. - Good morning.

Remember that you're always welcome here, in whatever state you're in.

- Come back soon. - Never.

- Why not? - l don't like you.

- lt doesn't seem so. - Besides, this place is filthy.

- Shame on you. - You have a nice body. lt ends there.

- That's enough. - You seem totally mad.

lf you think l'll share you with that old bugger, you're wrong.

- l'm not at the bottom yet. - Welcome back, anyway.

- We can always talk about the moon. - lf nothing else...

Cut that out!

l went for a walk as well. Although, l was hoping to bump into you.

- We can go in opposite directions. - l was at Mikael Bror's.

Really?

- Do we have to talk more about this? - No, we'll never talk about it again.

Yes, one day in the future, when we're older and things don't hurt as much.

- Have you hurt yourself? - Have l?

- No, it's just lipstick. - Oh, really?

lt was that strange bird who insisted on trying to kiss me.

- How are you? - lt's on its way.

- Can l help you? - Are you afraid?

Yes, l am. Are you?

l don't know. l haven't felt like finding out.

ln some way it feels good to be rid of it.

- l'm glad it's not me doing this. - Me too.

Listen, l feel awful. Wouldn't it be best if we got going?

Not yet. The worst would be them sending us home again.

That would be humiliating.

Poor thing! Shall l make some tea and fix a sandwich?

Yes, please. l can't understand what's wrong. l probably ate something bad.

Some tribal people are so smart that when the wife goes into labour -

- the man goes to bed and screams and performs.

He takes all the congratulations as well. That's fair, l guess.

Not so, Stig...?

Mrs Ericsson, come with me. Please stay here, Mr Ericsson.

Take good care, darling.

NOW lT'S AUGUST THREE YEARS LATER

They were so poor, so very poor... They had no food... no food...

It's nice not being an author.

If I were to take it upon myseIf to portray Stig and Marta -

-from the first time we met four years ago -

-what an untruthfuI, incompIete picture I wouId paint.

I'II probabIy never forget the episode from Iast winter-

-when I came round to drop off a score for Stig.

Perhaps aIso to taIk, I'm starting to get oId.

One has to watch oneseIf so carefuIIy... so carefuIIy.

The doorbeII was broken, so I just waIked in.

I stood in the haII, which was dark, and Iooked into the Iiving room.

How can I portray the way they heId each other?

So boundIessIy tender, but aIso deepIy eroticaIIy aware.

Why was there so much IoneIiness and chiIdish fear in their stiIIness?

I went out again and knocked on the door.

When Marta came to the door, she stiII had everything in her eyes.

Yes... Yes, she's a remarkabIe IittIe woman.

Or the day they'd argued. I noticed it straight away.

It was in the air. Marta was a IittIe quiet.

She sat huddIed on the sofa and Iooked at Stig.

He taIked to me the whoIe time, but it was just chatter.

He got up to fetch the cognac, but on the way back he passed Marta.

He crept onto the sofa, they Iooked at one another-

-and Stig suddenIy said, ''Hi, IittIe one!''

This seemed to be an invocation because the strained atmosphere -

-Iightened and disappeared Iike a puff of wind from the open sea.

I don't know why, I can't teII you.

Imagine trying to decipher this compIicated, secret Ianguage -

-that two Iovers deveIop and taIk unhindered -

-to conceaI their most secret and deIicate emotions.

Depicting a singIe day of their Iives -

-wouId fiII many sheIves with Iarge voIumes.

Thank goodness that's not my task. I just have to reproduce -

-what the big composers created in truth and spirit.

That's my pleasure. No one can take that from me.

- l've become immensely rich. - Rich? You haven't told me.

l've got you and the kids... And old S�nderby snoring over there.

And it's summer and the sun is shining. And l have no worries.

And we're all hale and hearty. l thought you'd won the lottery.

This is more than l thought any person could have.

Sure. You're a woman. lt's different for you..

You think so? l can also worry and think...

Will it be like this now? All my life? Small concerns, small joys...

Small tribulations. Nothing that carries me away.

lt's horrible that l should get ticked off. Not so?

l think it distinguished. lt's not written that man should be content.

- Not even that they should be happy. - Stig?

lt's about time we set off. lf we're going to get to the concert on time.

You're working on Beethoven. How's it going?

- Not at all. Why'd you ask? - But you're carrying on.

- And so? - Abandon the idea of being a soloist.

- You're a good orchestra musician. - l didn't ask for your advice.

- Fair enough. - There's no time. That's the thing.

l'm going to take time off and take lessons with Professor Chabatska.

- l've already written to him. - Pride, nothing else.

Just because you're an old failure doesn't mean l have to be.

We second-raters are also necessary. Without worker bees, no beehive.

lt's awful hearing you talk. Like hearing someone already dead.

l've told you not to come here. Our relationship is nothing to advertise.

l've told Mikael that l love you.

l wish l could leave you, but l can't be bothered.

Come on, we can't sit here all evening.

Listen to this: ''Everything is part of what is called spiritual science''.

''This may include the self, society, the state, morals or religion''.

''This is simply an intellectual game with expressions'' -

- ''which one uses as if to denote something real.''

He's on the money, Hagersten, and he has my total sympathy.

- Mine too, but l don't give a damn. - l think Stig is tired tonight.

Our lodger. lt's awful, but we have to do it for the money.

Evening! So, you're not in bed yet?

- l had a bite to eat at the Grand. - Hi. Didn't know you lived here.

l didn't before. But l do now. From yesterday.

So... you move in these circles. l didn't know that.

...first variabIe, and then predominantIy from the north.

PartIy cIoudy and severaI thundershowers. Somewhat warmer.

The west coast, Vaner district, G�taIand and GotIand.

l must ask. Can't we move into town?

Straight away. As fast as possible.

Was it necessary for you to move into town? The country was so good.

Why don't you answer me?

Why are you treating me like a criminal?

- Chabatska hasn't replied. - You're hurting me.

- You and S�nderby have written... - You're mad, let me go.

Oh, look, has your Teddy broken?

lt doesn't matter, l'll sew him tomorrow. lt takes a second.

Don't argue so that the kids see. Remember that, Stig.

Whatever happens, no arguments so that the kids see.

- What time is it? - 10.30.

- There'll be an awful fog tonight. - l can hear it.

Remember what S�nderby said? Sounds like cows in a freight car.

- What is it? - l don't like you looking like that.

- lt's like you were comparing. - Maybe so...

Can't we be nice to each other again?

- Why can't we talk about anything? - lt isn't worth it.

No, leave me alone. lt's disgusting.

l can't help it. l think it's disgusting!

Don't blubber, no one can hear you.

l can't stand... l've done my best...

l've never accused or reproached you.

l have tried to understand you. All the time...

- So the fault is mine? - l've never asked questions.

Don't ask questions about things that don't concern you.

- You and Nelly doesn't concern me? - Not really.

You may be condemnatory, but keep it to yourself, l'm not interested.

So because l didn't look up l've landed in a mess.

- That you can! - You can talk...

When we met, men were all around. You were even together with Marcel!

That was before we had the kids. Don't they mean anything?

You got rid of the earlier ones.

l regret insisting when you didn't want children.

- So you see, you see, Marta? - l see. How shabby we've become.

l know what the problem is. We don't think we're gaining from our lives.

We've both been struck by clarity.

With clarity comes disgust. lt's a natural consequence.

We could also argue and be nasty to each other before.

But then we just needed to reach out and it was fine again.

- lt was such a great comfort. - Now we've found there's no comfort.

Remember what you said here on our first night together?

The main thing is that one becomes a real person.

One talked so much at that time. lt was a lie, Marta!

The morning l came home with a cut hand, that's when my clarity began.

l was so wayward l stuck my hand through a window -

- to mess it up so l wouldn't dream of being a soloist anymore.

Standing there with a bloody hand l thought how stupid l was.

Why doesn't someone laugh at that second rate who won't accept it?

Me, me, me! Don't you realise how awful you sound?

l apologise. We won't talk about it.

l'll go to grandmother's. lt's better for the kids there as well.

How will you get money for that trip? l don't have money.

- You got last week. - For the telephone and milk.

- There was enough before. - You want receipts?

- You don't save, that's just it. - Take an advance like everyone else.

- l've already done that. - You must have expenses... l have...

- lt's not yours! - When it's housekeeping!

Anyway, l don't have money for your hastily planned trip.

We're quite poor and can't afford expenses of an emotional nature.

- You spend on Nelly. - Shut up!

- What tone is that? - The same as yours!

- Mistresses cost money. - A fixed price is more honest.

- You're quite crude. - You've become sensitive.

- Must have been tricky with Marcel. - How can you have a lover?

- You perform the minimum required. - That's your fault.

- l was naive to think of fidelity. - Stop, Marta.

You need an outlet for your artistic temperament. She nurtures your genius.

Can't have been easy for her...

Forgive me, Marta. Forgive me...

- That was my fault. l blame myself. - Forgive me anyway.

But l don't forgive the other.

You can be sure l'll get the money for the trip.

Even if l have to beg for it on the street. Don't touch me!

You disgust me so totally, l'd like to spit in your face.

Fine. You want it like this, you will get your way.

l'll ask S�nderby for the money and it'll be great to be rid of you.

''The doctor says it's a stroke'' -

- ''but l know Nelly has poisoned me.''

- Do you think he's suffering? - Probably.

Good. l wish he was in such pain he wanted to scream all the time.

- He can't scream, he's paralysed. - That's what's good.

- You must hate him... - He'll be dead soon.

Sometimes it's like a dream.

l'm scared of him. Sometimes at night l think he'll beat or strangle me.

- l almost think you have poisoned him. - l often thought l should.

- What's he actually done to you? - What's he done to me?

He just exists. ln some way l'm dependent on him.

- l don't know... - You can divorce.

Where would l go? No one cares for me.

lt's because you're so bloody nasty and lack human feeling.

- l think it's cold. - Hmm, it's 13 below.

You go in. He can't stand seeing me.

- What's up with you? Hung over? - ls there only organ music?

Mikael likes to hear it. Listen, you shouldn't drink like that.

''Listen, you shouldn't drink like that.'' Nelly...

lf you weren't so stupid l could point out that l'm always well dressed.

- And so? - Take that idiot Stig... He suffers.

He thinks life is terrible, you're disgusting. He can't take his failure.

That's why he goes around with dirty shirts and leaves his wife.

- He's in there with Mikael. - Yes, he may as well hear!

l drink you say? l do my job, l'm handsome and orderly.

l'm polite and friendly. And l'm living my life!

And between times l'm bloody happy.

No, l think l'll go in and sleep, it's all one can do on a Sunday.

Are you coming with?

''l'm a bastard and l'm getting what l deserve.''

''But you should watch out. Watch out, Stig.''

Listen, Mikael. l'm leaving now and l'm never coming back.

l'm grateful for everything you've taught me -

- but l don't want to stay any longer. l don't want to be like you three.

There's only one person that can help me and that's Marta.

Dear Marta. You're surprised after not hearing from me in three months.

I had to write because things have happened to me.

It's as if I suddenIy understood my madness.

I found out how I'd squandered the onIy thing that has vaIue in Iife.

Dear Stig. When I got your Ietter I was very worried at first -

-as I feIt that you've been aIone and had a hard time in many ways.

I read it many times and understood something important has happened.

I've aIso been thinking and now know that we'II never separate.

It'd be a mistake. I won't be coming home, however, but I Iong for you.

Dear, darIing Marta. I was so gIad over your words I aImost had to cry.

One hides so many feeIings and I did that with you and the kids.

Because it hurt too much. Or I've never understood how much I care.

I want you to come and fetch us soon. There's so much to pIan for summer.

Isn't there? DarIing, it feeIs stupid and strange to write.

I'd Iike to say so much, but it Iooks siIIy and sentimentaI on paper.

I've tried, beIieve me. By the way, we don't need to taIk when we meet.

I know exactIy how to show you how much I Iike you. Can you guess?

Come soon...

This train is very sIow. I'd Iike to hop off and run beside it.

Maybe I'd heIp it up the hiII.

It'II be so strange to hear her voice say:

'You are pretty siIIy...''or...

''Have you washed your ears properIy?''

Or sit in the kitchen after a concert and eat from the pantry -

- drink vodka and beer and taIk and joke and not say a serious word.

Quite pretty. How brown I've become.

You can't see I didn't sIeep Iast night, either.

How siIIy! I'm just going to meet my husband. We're sated on one another.

And stiII everything is new... new!

NewIy cIeaned and bathed. How fun it wiII be to cook again -

-have my own kitchen and sIeep in our own bed.

FeeI his warmth, have him sIeeping beside me.

Never to be aIone again. Never aIone again.

Her mouth which is so deIicious and soft to kiss.

I Iove her body as weII. The smooth skin of her shouIders.

Her breasts that never recovered from the kids -

- but are so sensitive, Iike Iiving beings.

The fine hairs of her neck, the soft curves of her beIIy.

A waist so smaII I can wrap my hands around it.

I Iove her because we've hit each other, we've hurt each other-

- but aIso for the 1000 nights we've had in joy and absoIute pIeasure.

SOME YEARS LATER

You've been bad so you can't come -

- when we set off to visit grandmother.

We'll catch really big fish and a nice one we can have in the bath -

- and that l'll teach how to talk.

- Fish can't talk. - You can teach them.

- Lasse is lying! - Stig, can you call for a car?

Sure...

- Dad... Lasse is lying. - No, he's only making things up.

Taxi... Why shouldn't a fish be able to speak? You never know.

Yes, could l have a car for Prastgatatan 7b?

Ericsson... Oh, miss, miss...!

lt must be a big car as there are four people and lots of things.

That's right. And what do you want?

Ask S�nderby over this evening. There's mineral water in the fridge.

- l think this will be lonesome. - No, you don't.

- You think it will be lovely. - Thanks very much.

The kids can go and you should stay with me.

You're silly. What would grandmother say?

You have enough stuff to last until Judgement Day.

You don't have to come to the station. l can use a porter.

- What's this? ls it a bomb? - No, it's a paraffin stove.

- You taking a stove with you? - Yes, it's better.

We'll stay in the cottage, cook our food and leave the others in peace.

You just sigh... You'll think it really nice when you come.

- You should cut your hair. - lt's awful, you get hair all over.

- lf you came with me l could cut it. - l'll come later.

- lt's strange. l always miss you. - Why's it strange?

We've been married so long. Lasse, don't lick the window, it's dirty.

- The weather will be good. - lt looks like spring is coming.

- Won't it ever leave? - You want to get rid of us?

lt always feels so silly standing on the platform.

We'll catch a fish that can talk!

l heard what happened... l'm...

You see l...

You don't have to come here if you don't want to.

- Thanks, it's better to work. - Yes...

- You do as you please. - Don't touch me.

Cellos and basses should sing like blazes!

lt's a question of joy, you see.

Not a joy that expresses itself in laughter.

Or a joy that says l am happy.

What l mean is a joy that is so great -

- so particular, that it lies beyond pain and boundless despair.

You understand, it's a joy beyond all understanding.

lt's... Well, l...

l can't explain it any better.