Original subtitles

Which one? I can't decide.

Definitely...neither.

Anyway, who cares? You and Tracyare just going to a restaurant.

Yeah, that serves breakfast for dinner.

Dressing for breakfast, I get.

Dressing for dinner? Double duh!

But dressing for a place that blends the two?

Impossiblé.

Look, you guys have beendating for a year.

If there's a sweater leftthat she hasn't seen,

you got too many sweaters,my man!

We actually haven't gone out on a date in, like, over a month.

Between the holidays and Sophie joining bell choir,

we just haven't had that much time together.

Well, does bell choir needto meet five days a week?

I don't know. Do they wantto make regionals?

Okay.Let's go to your closet.

I'll pick something.

Don't make eye contact withRory, or he'll try to join us.

♪♪

Will and Tracy are going to Night Yolk?

That'sa hot rezzie.

Just thinking about it gives zaddy a hankering for pancakes.

Listen to me, dinner tonightis gonna be bad.

No, you listen to me.

I am the taste maker of this friend group,

and I won't remind you again.

It's not that.

My dad's notjust having dinner with Tracy.

Tonight,he's gonna get dumped.

I was with him at KZOP,

trying to kill timebefore his segment...

You're a bad bitch forecast freak!

You're a bad bitch forecast freak.

Sophie: I was going to see if the satellite truck guys

were rolling dice.

That's when it happened.

I'm tired of trying to make it work.

I feel terrible all the time.

Will and I aregoing to dinner tonight.

I'm gonna end it there.

Guy: Well, would you look at that.

Sisters!

[ Chuckles ]

[ Sighs ]

I feel like I know the stool he's referring to.

Rory!

A breakup will killmy dad.

Or at the very least,

send him intoanother long phase of sad baths.

What makes you think your dad's gonna overreact?

A caramel shirt, Poppy?! Really?

What's next? You want me to put on nougat pants?!

[ Sighs ]

You guys want juice?

--Captions by VITAC--

♪♪

Graham: I can't believe it's happening.

Sicily's own Graham D'Amato is finally meeting Papà Derek.

Hold still. Tony's got pins,

and he won't hear youif you scream.

I hope my new look doesn't get messed up.

You know, when we're doing guy stuff,

like watching the big game

and eating queso with our shirts off.

Big day.

[ Door closes ]Big day!

I am noton antianxiety meds, and I am pumped!

[ Chuckles ] Big day.

How do I look?

Dynamite.

Like a rich kidgoing to court for murder.

How do you feel?

Excited.

But also cold and sweaty and weird.

Okay, Mom, when Derek gets here,

I want to be in my room doing a 3-D puzz.

So if he asks, I 3-D puzz all the time, 'kay?

'Kay, buddy. It's yourbackstory.

[ Door closes ]

Okay, so, here's the plan.Oh, no, thank you.

Last month, I promised Graham

that he could meet his dad, and today is the day.

But that kid is easily overwhelmed,

so I have designed this weekendto run like a corporate retreat.

We'll exchange names, a few fun facts,

and then we all go home with a tote bag

and an opinion of Houston that remains 100% unchanged.

Living together has brought uscloser this year.

I regret that.

See, I have broken down this weekend

into digestible 90-minute chunks, okay?

I call them "chunkies," because a chunky is just long enough

for Graham to get a sense of Derek

but not so long that he gets attached.

Okay, well, I have a date

with Sky TV's all-day marathon of Brexit news,

so enjoy this oddball family reunion.

No, no, no, no.This is not a family reunion.

[ Groans ]Okay, this is a structured eventthat will repeat yearly

until Graham is in college or Derek kicks it.

That's boundaries, baby.

And to set 'em,Derek is not allowed to go

anywhere near my bed or my bod.

Easy, Tony.

Hi. I'm Der--

Don't care.

Sorry I'm late. I lost track of time finishing a 40-piece puzz.

Were either of those guys Graham?

♪♪

I have to find a way to cancel dinner.

I'd have you pretendto be sick,

but you don't have the acting chops.

I've heard your fake cough.

What?! I can fake-cough.

Cough!

Oh, sweetie. Whatever.

I have a move that always works.

Prepare to be dazzled.

Okay, Tracy's on her way,

so if there are any outfit notes, it's too late.

Dad...you can't go.

Because I've been struck by...

vertigo.

What? Soph!

[ Softly ] As Will rushesto his daughter's side,

Rory reacts, impressed.

Perhaps he misjudged herafter all.

♪♪

Okay, did you girls getthe TV up and running yet?

It's a big dayfor Brexit coverage.

I just love seeingthat stupid country fall apart.

[ Chuckles ]

There's no easy way to say this.

The TV's dead.

But...you said you could fix it.

We did everything we could, but it was just her time.

Poor thing.

[ Door opens, closes ]She was never the same afterTime Warner became Spectrum.

Hey, guys, check this out -- Dwayne's in a car commercial!

Don't bother. She's gone.

Leave the corpse alone.

Which reminds me, take your timewhen making arrangements.

Yeah. Trash pickup's not until Tuesday.

[ Click ] Come on down to Dwayne's,

where you'll find the car of your dweams.

You did it!

Miggy! [ Gasps ]

What'd I do?

You fixed the TV.

Even the twins couldn't do it.

But you did.

Um, Amy?

What the living crap?

Don't talk to me. I'm processing.

Hold my hand, Father.

Oh.

I feel bad for Sophie,

but am I the only one who can't stop thinking

about breakfast for dinner?

Girl, you basically look likea waffle to me right now.

[ Sighs ]

[ Doorbell rings ]

You get it.

I'll be herewith these dancing spots.

Hey, is this really what vertigo looks like?

Who knows? It's the vaguestsickness of all time.

Why do you think I picked it?

You're evil.

[ Door opens ]Marry me.

-Hey. -Hey!

Team Bagels-After-Dark.

Ready to hit the road to carb town?

[ Door closes ]

Is everything okay?

I am so sorry, but we're gonnahave to play dinner by ear.

Sophie has vertigo.

It's a thing where you get dizzy.

Oh, I've had vertigo my whole life.

I had to wear a helmet to my prom,

and I was still voted queen.

Imagine how good my boobs had to be.

Sorry. Forgot my audience.

Point is, I am a vertigo expert.

♪♪

Enter Tracy Freeze.

Cheap shoes, decent purse, and a hell of a plot twist.

Angie: Focus, alright?

I am the captain of this ship.

And before you meet the onlyimportant passenger on board,

I need to knowyou understand the rules.

Aye aye, captain. No!

The ship stuff is only for me.

Rule one --you can only ask Graham

the pre-approved questions I e-mailed.

Ho'd up. What's in the bag?

Gifts. Turns out it's hard to shop for a kid I don't know.

"He's a boy with brown hair" was not enough information

for the guy at Target.

Bouncy ball? Mm-hmm.

Slingshot. Mm-hmm.

And what is this, shorts?

Did you bring my sona pair of shorts?

Are shorts no good?

That's okay. I've prepared for that.

I also have capris in my van.

How about we push giftstill Chunky Number Two?

Hey, hey, before we go in there,

I just want to say thank you for this.

I'm gonna meet my son.

No bod!

[ Whispering ] It's showtime.

♪ See if it fits

♪ Be sure not to jam

♪ I'm really good at puzzles, and my name is Graham ♪

Hi, Graham.

[ Stammers ]

O-Okay, Graham,you wanna kick things off?

You okay, man?

Uh, what if Igo first?

What's your favorite color?

[ Vomiting ]

Oh!

Yeah, there's a lot of junk foodin there. Don't judge me.

[ Vomiting continues ]

Are you sure this is vertigo?

Yeah, mine's just really bad.

Maybe youdon't have vertigo.

Oh, God, the floor is the ceiling.

[ Sighs ] Tracy,if the floor was the wall,

I'd feelmuch more confident,

but I'm sorry,we have to raincheck.

Okay, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

No, you'rethinking what I'mthinking.

We're taking that rezzieand getting stupid on eggs.

Will, we can totally stay.[ Sighs ] I mean, you know,nothing we can do.

We're here for you.Okay, you have my cell.

-Okay, byeeee! -Okay, byeeee!

[ Door opens, closes ]

Papa? I could use a blanket.

Classic or electric?

You know, never mind,I'm bringing both.

[ Sighs ] How you feeling?

Spinning like a dreidel.Oy vey!

I know the feeling.

How's the light sensitivity?

Brutal. It's like my sunglassesneed sunglasses, ya feel?

You know what I hate?

The stuffy noses.

Yeah. What up, my mouth-breathers?

Stuffy noses isn't a vertigo thing.

I know.

I...have a cold, too.

Cough!

♪♪

I'm trying to determine

if that was a nervous barfor a sick barf.

Oh, I know all about barf types 'cause of the band.

I can tell from here he's not drunk.

That's good.

Y-You know what?I do not need your help.

Just...go to your van

until I can figure outhow to rework my game plan.

Okay. I guess knock if you need me.

I'm the orange one out front with the sticker of the shy crow.

[ Front door opens, closes ]

Where's Derek?

Did I ruin it? Did he leave?

He's outside.But, honey, you're sick.

Maybe we should tell himto come back another time.

No!

I sold the puzz thing,

and now I'm riding a post-barf high.

I've got a nine-minute window before I go down again.

Please, Mom?

♪♪

Hey. How's Graham?

Oh. Sorry. It's a guy thing.

Queso?

Pass.

What is happening in here?

Oh, these are all gifts for Graham.

I don't know what kind of kid he is.

Spooky? Party dude? Pyromaniac?

I got a gift for every kind of kid.

Is that a turtle?She's mine.

But if Graham wants Phoebe, I'm sure she'll adjust.

Okay, you know what?We don't have time for this.

We only have seven minutesuntil the barf train hits again,

so put on your shirtand come inside.

Wait, no! Keep it off.

No! Put it on!

And hustle, you sicko.

Look at us. We're still the bestin the damn business.

So what if Miggy fixed the stupid TV?

Yeah, even a broken clock'sright twice a day.

Let's see him tryto power sand mahogany.

Hey, scary look-alikes, can I borrow your screwdriver?

The one with the crisscrossy?

Your dad asked me to fix the toaster.

Amy: Douglas!

What gives? You replacing us?

We gave you our best work years.

I guess that counts for jack potatoes around here.

So I let Miggy take a crackat the toaster.

He's on a hot streak.

I'm on a hot streak!

I'll tell you what --why don't we all sit down

and watch Europe fall apartas a family?

Pass. We gotbigger problems to face.

This chapter of our livesas useful citizens is over.

[ Footsteps depart ]

♪♪

[ Thudding ]Will.

[ Thudding stops ]After you're finishedchopping rosemary

to help bring out the Hot Pocket,

can we maybe sit and talk?

I'm sorry. I can't. Sophie needs me.

[ Thudding resumes ]Does she?

[ Thudding stops ]

Is it possiblethat she might be...faking?

Whoa. Did you just accuse my daughter of lying?

It's just, I spent 10 summersat Grimace House,

a safe spacefor kids with vertigo.

I know vertigo,and...she doesn't have it.

[ Irish accent ] Ha-cha-cha, that's a brazen accusation.

All I'm saying is that Sophie is --

[ Normal voice ] Sick, Tracy, with vertigo.

And I know that that ruins our date,

but you just have to accept the fact

that tonight can't be about you.

[ Smacks lips ] Oh, uh, believe me,

I'm getting that.

You know,I'm gonna go to Night Yolk.

I'm gonna change into comfy pants

and freak people outwith how much I solo-order.

[ Sighs ]

Dad! My body's giving out on me!

While you're in the kitchen,can I have an eclair --

I made you a Hot Pocket.

Before you destroy me,just remember,

I'm a child of divorce.

Thanks for staying.

There are just a few things I've always wondered about you,

like...

do you prefer Chili's or Chili's Too?

[ Smacks lips ] Chili's Too.

They're airport-only,so you never know

where they're gettingtheir fish.

What a rush.

Great.Next question?

Have we seen the last of Ricky Martin?

He'll be back when we least expect it.

Uh-oh. How you feeling?

Okay.

Have you ever barfed before?

Oh, that's not on the list.

Fine. Go for it.

But be brief.

Yes. I've barfed many times.

Cool.

When it happens, do you cry a little, too?

Every time.

Time's up.

It's coming for me.

I'll help.

Nope.We don't need your help.

[ Door opens ]Graham,Mommy will meet you there.

[ Graham vomiting ]At least let me get him some water.

No need. I am in control.

I am going to tuck my son in independently,

just like I have donefor every flu since he was born.

'Cause, as you can see,

you being here for this really isn't necessary.

It's neverbeen necessary, for that matter.

'Cause I can, and will, take care of things

all by myself.

See?

I didn't need you at all.

Yeah.

[ Inhales deeply ]

[ Sighs ]

Well, I should probably get back to my van.

Phoebe will be hungry for her flies.

Unless you have some loose kale.

You know what? I'm good.

Also...

that kid is amazing.

Wait.

[ Gagging ]

[ Coughs, vomiting ]

So, vertigo's always been a lie?

Like when you got itbefore Gam Gam's funeral

or when I wantedto take you moped shopping?

God, now I'mdizzy.

Sorry. I only use it for emergencies.

Yeah, what wasthe emergency tonight?

Tracy was gonna dump you.

What?

How do you even know that?

I overheard her at KZOP.

Oh, God.

[ Sighs ]

Wow.

The only thing worse thanbeing dumped by your girlfriend

is hearing you're dumpedby your 9-year-old.

Dad, I'm so sorry. I didn't know what to do.

No, it's sweet that you weretrying to protect me,

but if Tracy wantsto break up with me,

I can't avoid it.

Am I still in trouble?

Oh, definitely.

Lying is always wrong,

even if your heartwas in the right place.

Like when you killed that parrot.

Cool. The dreams had just stopped.

[ Sighs ]

Oh! Don't even think about carrying me to my bedroom, you perv.

Fine. I'll just lightly push you.

No, no! No.

I think it's timefor you to go, okay?

I-I'm clearly too sick to protect Graham.

Protect Graham?

Is this really about Graham, or is this about you?

'Cause it feels like if it wasabout Graham, you'd let me help.

[ Sighs ] Alright,maybe it isabout me, okay?

Maybe I'm madbecause I could've had help

for eight yearsworth of stomach flus,

but I didn'tbecause you abandoned us.

Look, Angie --

No talkie! Just listen-y!

[ Sighs ]

I have made it throughmother/son sick days

his whole life,and I'm gonna do it again today.

Now, excuse me. I have togo get my son some water.

[ Sighs ]

[ Water pouring ]

♪♪

[ Sighs ]

[ Sighs ]

You like this, don't you?

You nasty.

Mm.

Well, it's official.

We're useless.

We're pay phones, Amy.We're pay phones.

Okay, enough bellyaching. So you couldn't fix the TV.

Look at all the things you've done around here.

You put the sauna in, for crying out loud.

Any schnook with handscould've done that.

Yeah, we don't need your pity. Now screw.

-Hey, hey, hey. -Whoa-kay.

I can't let this go on any longer.

I didn't fix anything. Not technically.

Oh, ho'd up.

Oh, God, now I'msaying that kind of thing.

I got to start hanging aroundpeople my own age.

Carry on.

I just blew in the ports and thought happy thoughts.

Same thing I do when my Nintendo's not working.

-I knew it was an accident! -[ Sighs ]

I should've said something,

but it was nice to feel smart just for once.

Emma: But here'sthe great thing, Miggy --

you're not, and we are.

Order's been restored.

Ouch.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Exhales deeply ] This is bad.

We should be there for Will, not taking his meal.

They makea crab meat beignet.

Oh, we're definitely getting those.

Tracy: Poppy? Rory?

Did you take my table?

I booked it two months ago after my lizard passed.

Uh, no, Tracy.

And to be honest,I'm a little offended, okay?

And also, the reservation'sunder Will'sname, so...

Oh, wow.

Look who's standing upright without any problems.

Uh...Rory, why don't wegive Tracy the table?

Also, it's time for usto get our souvenir T-shirts.

Okay.

I am sorry.

She wasfaking it.

And not that it makes it better,

but the only reason she was doing that is...

because she said you wereplanning on breaking up with me.

-[ Stammers ] -Now, before you say anything,

I just want to say I know that I haven't been present,

but that is all gonna change, okay?

Next week, I am all yours.

Well, no, scratch that.

Sophie starts two-a-days at bell choir,

but after that, it lightens up.

Unless they go to state, in which case

I'm just gonna rent a place in Sacramento,

because if we win, we get to perform for Gavin Newsom.

Will, I wasn't gonnabreak up with you.

You weren't?

Mnh-mnh.

But what about what Sophie overheard at KZOP?

I am tired of trying to make it work.

I feel terrible all the time.

Will and I are going to dinner tonight.

I'm gonna end it there.

Guy: Well, would you look at that.

No more dieting for Tracy Freeze.

Sisters!

You were ending a diet?Mm-hmm.

Which is why you were so anxiousto get to dinner tonight.

Which also explainswhy I was so easily frustrated

by a 9-year-old,which I am sorry about.

[ Sighs ]

I am so glad you're not planningto break up with me.

[ Chuckles ] Um...

I wasn't planning on it,but, um...

after tonight,I'm just wondering if maybe...

time apartisn't the worst idea.

Let's not just end this because of one night

of my child experimenting with acting.

I mean, she waspretty good, after all.

It's not just tonight,Will.

It's alwayssomething.

I know. I'm working on that, right?

I mean, I'm not hanging out with Angie anymore,

and I guess I could get more babysitters for Sophie,

maybe do, like, a grid swap with Miggy, and then I --

I don't want youto have to wedge me in.

I know that I cannot be

the number one person in your life,

but I want to bethe number one person

in someone'slife.

You deserve that.

And he's a lucky someone, whoever he is.

Thank you.

Uh, I hate to cut this short,

but my blood sugar hasplummeted beneath the floor.

So I'm gonna take thishalf-eaten plate of pancakes

and destroy it in my car.

Who am I kidding?I'm not gonna wait till my car.

Well, I guess this is goodbye.

For 12 hours.I'll see you at work.

Yes. [ Chuckles ]

Awkward.

Goodbye, Will.

♪♪

Did that goas badly as it looked?

Can't believe it's over.

Gonna really miss her.

I am so sorry about Tracy, Will.

If it helps, this place hasa breakfast tea with booze in it

that I swearis better than love.

[ Chuckles ]

♪♪

♪♪

-Oh, butts. -Alright.

-Uno! -Uno!

-Dos! -Dos!

-Three! -Tres.

Hey, you made the little guy from the Mucinex commercial.

-Yeah! -That's awesome.

Hey, Mom, look what Derek got me.

It's shorts! And they're green!

Wow, you arerocking those, buddy!

You want some pancakes?

Oh, no, I'm good.

I'm just gonna give my ol' tum a rest.

Can I talk to you for a second?

I hope you don't mind that I'm here.

I know I'm supposed to stay in the van,

even though I'm pretty sure it's haunted

by the ghost of my dead drummer,

but I just -- I didn't want to leave you alone.

It's fine.

The shorts were a hit.

It's not fine. I've been thinking about what you said.

I'm so sorry.

I know I can't make up for years of being gone,

but I can try to be better now,

if -- if you'll let me.

I appreciate that.

And...

you know what?

Why don't you stay on the couchfor the rest of your trip?

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Obviously, Graham loveshaving you here,

and my plan to controleverything already went to hell.

So I'm just gonna let everything...

unfold naturally.

Hey, Mom, guess what?

Derek told me I have a half-sister.

What's that, now?

Uh, she's a turtle named Phoebe.

Derek found her on the --

What's it called?

The highway.

So cool.

Can you believe this day?

I've come into shorts anda sister!

Graham D'Amato is cleaning up.

Well, come on, Mom, you got to have something.

Okay.

♪♪