Original subtitles

Hey, Boerleider, can you hear me?

Yes man, yeah, yeah, yeah, what's up?

So, did you already book your ticket

to New York?

Uh, not yet, no, no, no.

Good, how many weeks can you get off work?

Maximum 21 days, why?

Cool, look, so don't fly into JFK,

fly into San Francisco instead.

San Francisco, isn't that far away, man?

Yeah, yeah, I got a surprise.

You remember my mom, right?

Your mama, yeah, we're friends on Facebook.

Yeah well, I just got off the phone with her

and she's gonna give me her car.

She's giving you her car?

Yeah, but we're gonna have to drive it

all the way to New York.

What kinda car?

It doesn't matter what kinda car.

The point is that you're gonna get to see America

like you've been moaning about your whole goddamn life.

Man, this is, but, can we make it in time?

I have to get back to Amsterdam by...

Yeah yeah, don't worry.

My mom's got, she's got like a sports car.

We're gonna go fast.

Wow, man.

So, just get your ticket for SFO.

That's the airport code for San Francisco.

Hey, but wait a minute.

You're gonna pick me up in San Francisco?

Yeah, there's a slight chance that I'm not gonna

be there yet but in that case, my mom's gonna pick you up.

Oh not again.

You know what happened to me last time I tried to fly

to California, man.

That was like a hundred years ago.

We're grownups now, don't worry,

somebody's gonna be there to pick you up.

But, uh...

Oh, and bring your skateboard stuff.

We're definitely gonna hit up some skate parks.

But, I haven't skated for years, man.

It doesn't matter, just bring your stuff

and hit me up once you've booked.

Okay, man, listen so, I'm gonna write

your mother on Facebook.

Yeah, you do that.

Subtitles by sub.Trader Corrected by explosiveskull

Boerleider... Boerleider.

Over here.

He'll be back in two days tops.

I Skyped with him a couple days ago.

So, he's still alive?

Uh, Yeah.

So, you talked to him and you could only see

his head or with his lower body as well?

I think you're confusing Iran with Syria.

Oh yeah, oh.

Do you like mushrooms?

Mushrooms?

Yeah, they grow up in the woods right up the street.

They're porcini.

If you want to I could take you up there.

Uh, okay.

Hey Judy, but what is that sign about mountain lions?

It's that, they're really attacking people?

Oh man.

So, Judy I'm just trying to be polite, you know,

but actually I don't like mushrooms.

A year ago my girlfriend, former girlfriend,

you know, she founded mushrooms in the woods.

And, we were supposed to go to Ibiza,

so you know we eat the whole thing

and our mind got blown up so the moment

we got our minds back we came to the airport

and the guy said,

"What are you doing here?

"Your plane left 10 days ago."

So, you know, what's, what's...

Ah, oh man.

When we get home we need to wash everything.

But, what about the drought?

Oh, don't worry about that.

You do not want to start a road trip with a poison oak rash.

Okay.

Boerleider.

Boerleider.

Yeah.

Boerleider.

I'm back.

Wake up, come on, let's go.

We got a lot of driving ahead of us.

You sure this thing's gonna make it?

Yeah, should be in good shape.

All right, thanks for the car, Mama.

I really appreciate it.

And uh...

Be careful.

We'll Skype.

Okay, great.

All right, take care.

All right.

So Moni, man,

when you contact me in Amsterdam,

you would talk about a sports car, man.

But, this is definitely not a sports car.

Yeah, it's a hippie sports car.

When does the fog go away?

Yay!

Power to the people!

But, you know, you really get me worried, man,

that when I came here, you weren't there.

And, then Mom said you were in Iran.

I thought, man what is he up to?

Is it CIA business, or what?

No, I was there for the film festival.

They have film festival there?

I thought everything was banned there.

That's all hype. It was good.

So, there's no secret police.

No Allatoya there or...

Ayatollah.

Oh, Ayatollah.

I'm telling you, it's not like what you think at all.

People there are super, super cool.

Like really, really nice.

But, now you really sound like you're

part of the government there, man.

No, I mean, all governments I don't like.

I don't like any government.

I don't like any countries.

But, the people are cool.

And, when they found out you were from New York,

they're like, "Ah, New York, they..."

But man, what's that thing

that you don't like countries, what's that all about?

'Cause countries are made up by men.

You know like it's something that's invented.

Yeah, but that's normal, man.

If you watch a nature movie and you see

a whole bunch of lions, they're busy with borderlines.

There's not a lion in the world that knows a border.

That is the stupidest...

There's no animal that knows 'oh, across this line'.

Man, you never seen any documentaries

about animals that the lion is peeing there

so this is mine and then he's peeing there

and then when the other lions come into his territory,

he can't come in because he smells the other pee

and then the lions know, oh this is the borderline

of another lion.

And, then you say you don't believe in borders

because borders, everybody has borders, man.

You have a border.

So, I need to respect the piss?

You gotta respect the border, man.

But you know it's same thing with UFOs.

You don't even believe in UFOs and I believe in those.

I don't disbelieve in 'em.

I just don't know one way or the other.

I mean, there's no proof.

Yeah but, there is no proof they exist

and there's no proof they don't exist.

Well, then we agree.

Do you have any sunscreen?

My nose seems like it's all messed up.

You're asking me for sunscreen?

So, a-and...

Come on, let's go.

That's that, man.

You can't pee in the wind though 'cause it will blow

back on you.

Like you gotta pee on that side of the road.

So now we're on our way to...

Los Angeles.

Los Angeles, man.

But, we're gonna stop in San Luis Obispo

and go skateboarding.

Man, you know how long

I haven't been on a skateboard?

How many years?

Maybe 15, 20.

Oww.

Okay, that's good.

Let's start this vacation with a trip to the hospital.

Oh man, you call that an invert?

You need me to help you get out?

I quit, I'm too old.

Okay.

Hey, do you think you can drive for a little bit?

- I - don't have a license.

You told me you could drive.

Yeah, I can drive when I'm drunk.

But, that was a joke, wasn't it?

Yeah, but that doesn't necessarily mean

that I can drive, so...

Oh man.

Look what I got.

They gave me a T-shirt.

Can you put your stuff in the car at least?

Jesus Christ.

Where we gonna stay tonight?

On the right side of your seat,

there's like a little lever.

If you pull it, the chair will go back.

Oh man, come on, man,

you gotta be kidding, man.

I'm tired as hell.

Then you should be able

to sleep no problem.

Hey man, this is it,

this is why I came here, man.

This is the center of the universe, man.

Here?

Man, this is, don't you feel the vibe here, the energy?

Yeah, it's also where the rich people

take their animals to shit.

Yeah, but, you know, but no, no, no, look.

Rich animals are not the same as poor animals.

The same as rich people don't stink and poor people stink.

That's the difference.

So, a rich dog even, you know, a rich dog is really nice.

I hate dogs but a rich dog is so different.

So, you'd be cool with a rich dog?

Yeah, it's fine.

Okay.

You know, but this is what America is all about.

This is the dream every other country in the world wants.

The American Dream.

Yep.

You should be proud of your country, man.

No you shouldn't.

Nobody should be proud of just the accident

of where they were born.

Doesn't matter.

You think it's an...

For you it's an accident being American?

Oh man, if I would have your passport, man,

I would be on top of the world already.

Yeah, but, that's what makes it unfair.

Why should one person have a passport

that's more valuable than another person?

So, actually so you wanna get rid

of your American passport?

I wanna get rid of all passports.

It's just a stupid thing.

Why do you have to go through the line

and get them to stamp it.

- It's a waste of time. - No, no, no, look, look,

but listen, you need countries...

There are countries...

Oh my God, what's that?

Oh my God, oh, oh my God.

It's a rich dog.

Go, go.

Go over there.

Oh no, he's ruining my pants.

No, sit down

- it's all right. - No, no, man.

It's a rich dog, sit back down.

It's cute.

I thought you said you liked rich dogs?

Okay, go, go

Come on, sorry guys.

No, it's okay, man.

Heidi.

Oh, no look, I said I like rich dogs,

in the pan,

fried with some nice vegetables around

because the meat of a rich dog is well-feed.

I've been in Cambodia.

I've ate a dog there but the dog doesn't taste

as good as the dogs here

because I see the asses here of the dogs,

I said, 'Man your boss, your boss is feeding you

real nice doggy.'

Yeah.

But, the thing, if I have the vegetables,

the dogs, I need the Chinese to make it.

So, that's why you need other countries to,

you know, as a unity.

That's why America-

America brings a lot of work for the whole world.

- Oh man. - I mean, Apple is being made

in China, and Nikes is being made in China.

Yeah, and the people that make those

jump out of the building and try to kill themselves.

That's because they can't afford a Nike

because they were born

in a poor, shitty country,

and they can't afford a plane ticket

and they can never wear Nikes.

And, they can't even go to Old Navy.

That's poor,

that's really poor, man.

Are the rich people also on the drought?

Uh yeah, everybody has to follow

the same rules.

But, I guarantee you there's some rich people

that have a way to get around it.

I mean, look at these lawns, they're all watered and stuff,

so they must be cheating somehow.

There's a place down here called Skid Row

and it's wild.

It's, you never seen so many homeless people in your life.

Is it the club?

No, no, it's not a club.

It's just a street.

So this is like a whole area of...

Oh my God.

Yeah, this is people living on the street.

Oh my God, man, seeing this, oh my.

How do you feed your stomach, man?

I don't know, it fucking sucks.

- Here come the police. - But, how come it's,

but how come...

Yeah, this is what happens

and then they harass 'em.

Yeah, but how come there are so many

Afro-Americans here in this neighborhood?

It's uh...

Oh because, look the police just took

all of his packets of cigarettes.

Yeah, 'cause he don't got the complexion

for the protection.

Oh, oh, take a look at their feet, man, oh my God.

These, we don't even have this the Netherlands, man.

I know but this is true America.

Oh, so this is a whole block of

what is it?

Skid Row.

This is like where...

This is the other side of the coin.

The ones that didn't make the cut to the American Dream.

Nope, they made the cut

to the American Nightmare.

Uh, Moni.

Yeah.

Since you have so many poor people here

and all that, are things around here also cheaper?

No, everything's the same price.

Oh shit, wake up, wake up.

Boerleider, check it out.

Look.

Hey, hey, wait a minute.

I told you, man.

It's alien shop.

There are aliens out here, man.

Oh.

Those who don't believe will believe one day

and then it's too late.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, man.

This is...

This tastes so delicious.

You know that I always wanted to have some human meat, yeah?

Yeah.

Some, some hamstring, well done?

This is alien meat and it tastes delicious, man.

Mmm, yeah.

You're so disgusting.

You wanna try some?

I'm a vegetarian.

I'm not gonna eat

- alien beef jerky. - Here, here, wait, wait,

read it.

Also good for vegetarians.

Alien meat is not considered normal meat.

Try it.

- It didn't say that at all. - Try a little.

You can't read alien language?

Oh, man.

Where did they capture the aliens?

They capture 'em when it snows.

Do you wanna see it snow out here?

Oh man.

Let's get out of here.

You know one of these days,

I'm gonna start with your meat, your bicep.

Oh man.

Uh, are you sure this is the way to Vegas, man?

Yeah, it's the way to Vegas.

It's like right down the road.

It's got a little ways.

Man, this looks like a typical

military plant or something with Area 51, man.

This is, there's nobody out here but the two of us

and I don't like this, Moni.

Yeah, this is called, this is the desert.

We're gonna be driving through stuff

like this for days.

But, what is this, what are

all these things here, beside us, man?

What are those things?

I don't think I've ever seen that before.

You know, I've seen things like this

on that TV series.

What's that kind again with Scully and Muldar?

I told you not to drive away from the highway, man.

We're gonna be front page news everywhere.

What is it though?

What the hell is it?

You see all those lights

beaming up to that center thing?

Yes.

So, that's a communication things

with the UFO people.

Don't look into the light.

Look what it says, man,

no passing zone, man oh man.

I just wanna get my ass to Vegas.

What would be your ideal thing

to happen in Vegas?

Get married in some kinda chapel there.

All right, we'll try

- to get you married. - Let's get married in Vegas

and get divorced in New York.

Oh, ain't this looking great?

No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Do not, in America, you gotta peel these things off.

The top layer has an enormous amount of sperm on it.

Oh man, Jesus.

They use the blacklight on TV

and showed the sperm count on these top things

is, it's disgusting so just...

So, I gotta wear gloves to pull it off?

No, no, no, you just pull it off,

you can wash your hands, whatever.

But, just you never lay on it.

- You gotta like lay down like this. - Jesus Christ, man.

It's, yeah, it's dangerous.

All right, so I can lay down now?

Yeah, yeah the bottom part's completely clean.

They wash that.

- Okay, man. - I think.

Oh man, this is so nice.

This is a pretty good hotel.

So, what's up for tonight?

You know, I don't know if I can go out.

I'm so fucking tired.

Will you be super bummed out if I just stay in and sleep?

Yeah, but, Moni, man, this is Vegas, man.

Nobody sleeps here.

I know but, if I don't sleep,

I don't know if I can drive tomorrow

and we gotta leave pretty damn early, so.

Hello.

Hi.

Can I, let me look on the menu there.

Las Vegas.

Hello, hi.

Hello, hi.

Okay, man.

her right in the pussy.

All right, man, where, where, where, where is the pussy?

Oh there's pussy all around you, brother.

Go get that shit.

Yeah, but where?

I don't smell it.

You don't gotta smell it.

It don't gotta smell like tuna for you to get...

Oh, all right, man, all right, man.

You know how that shit goes.

Yeah, all right, man, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Cheers, cheers, cheers, man.

Hello.

How you doing?

Do people actually get married here?

Yeah, man.

Yeah?

Yeah man, for real.

'Cause I'm waiting for my bride, man.

This is a real power plant.

They get the power from the dam?

Yeah.

I think this is how all

the disaster movies start.

Tourist bus full of happy families fascinated,

taking pictures, and then next thing you know...

earthquake.

Jesus, that's what I call...

That's what I call American craftsmanship.

Did man really build this or aliens?

Looks like two titties right there.

Hey, are we allowed to step out here?

Uh yeah but then I can't keep driving

if you step out.

I think we're on the dam right now.

Yeah.

Look at these guys.

If you can let me out over here maybe.

Jump out real quick and walk to the other side.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ah we're gonna get...

Yeah, okay, okay.

Ah shit.

Yeah.

Yeah, you got out of the car.

And, then when I was walking up to you,

I saw that the police car was behind you.

I said, oh my God.

Yeah, and that's when he told me,

"Tell your friend we have guns."

I was like...

"You stay in the car."

"You, you stay in the car, I might shoot you."

Uh, uh, officer, I want that photo.

"You know what kinda photo you're gonna take?"

No, officer.

"You're gonna take a photo when you're laying

"in your coffin."

But, I don't wanna...

Boom, boom, boom, boom.

And, then they say in the newspaper,

"Dark tourist man got shot while taking out

"his photo camera."

You should get a T-shirt,

dark tourist man.

Got killed at Hoover Dam, damn.

♪ America, America ♪

♪ God's greatness shine on thee ♪

♪ American, America ♪

♪ I took my gun and I shot his knee ♪

I'm gonna stand here.

I'm a little bit afraid of heights.

Jesus, whoa.

Pretty crazy.

Shh.

I'm gonna act like it's real normal

and not that high, yeah?

Yeah.

I had no idea America

was this beautiful, man.

This is, this is almost that we could be

on another planet, man.

Yeah.

Have you been here before?

No, not in this part.

I was down there where you can just go for free

'cause I was a cheapskate and I just looked at,

you know, it was much less spectacular than this.

You know if you see this,

you wanna, it makes you quiet, you know, be like goddamn.

Let's go and check this one out down here.

Okay, man.

Whoa.

Jesus.

Glad you got to see that.

So, this is where the Indians used to live.

No, they still do, look.

There are certain pockets in America

where there's still quite a few Indians.

But, it's nothing compared to how many people

that were here.

Species come and species go.

It's not a species.

Indian's not a species, it's a human being.

Yeah but, you know, human beings

don't always see other human beings as human beings.

Yeah, and those human beings

are not humane beings.

No, five million years ago, yeah,

this was supposed to be ocean floor.

So, it's like we're driving on the bottom of the ocean.

What happened to the water, then?

It's like lotion on my skin.

- Got sucked up. - Yeah.

Bet there were a lot of swimming dinosaurs around here.

The best name they ever made for a dinosaur

is Tyrannosaurus rex.

You like that more than you like brontosaurus

or a stegosaurus?

Yeah man, Tyrannosaurus.

Who made that name, man, that's so fantastic.

Because of those people that were conquering the world,

we can go everywhere around the world and talk in English,

so that's really a benefit.

You got three world languages.

It's English, Spanish, and Portuguese so,

if those conquerors weren't doing such great jobs...

Hey watch out, watch out, watch out, man.

You're going uh...

Look, for instance, if Dutch would be a world language.

Oh man, there would be no more sex.

Things doesn't even sound nice

- in the Dutch. - I know that's what

I'm saying.

How do you say, "Hey baby, why don't you come over here

and sit next to me for a second?

I wanna talk to you."

Oh, in Dutch?

Yeah, say it in Dutch.

Oh my God, that's awful.

Just say it in Dutch.

I wanna hear how it sounds in Dutch.

See?

What are you fucking laughing at me?

- Instantly, instantly, she... - Pull over the car, man,

pull over the car now man.

I'm gonna beat shit out of you.

No, instantly she dries up and says,

"No, it's not going down."

So, you think that English

is a more sexual language?

You know, French, English.

Oh French, hey man.

But, not German or Dutch.

I'm looking for a French girl, man,

to make love with again, once.

Yeah, did you ever do it with a French one?

Uh, not without paying for it.

It looks pretty good out here.

It looks pretty good from here too.

New Mexico, Colorado, New Mexico, Arizona,

Utah, Colorado, New Mexico, New Mexico,

Arizona, Utah, Colorado, New Mexico.

Come on.

Okay, man.

Shit.

Man, you never believe what's happened to me

like, over there man.

You won't believe it, man.

It's crazy, absolutely crazy, man.

Okay listen.

I went in there to brush my teeth, you know.

And, while I was brushing,

suddenly I hear a.

I said, 'Hey, did I go into the wrong one?

Am I at the ladies or something?"

So, I open up, you know, there was this little guy

maybe five or six years old.

He just came walking in while I was brushing my teeth.

I said, and he pulled down his pants

and he went on the toilet and he took a shit, man.

He just took a shit.

Why?

I was so scared.

I thought and you know I said to myself,

hey I'm just gonna keep on brushing.

Did he see you there?

No, no, listen man.

I opened the door.

Yeah?

And, he looked at me like this.

And, he just walked in.

He lowered his pants, jumped on the toilet,

and then I said, hey look man, I'm brushing my teeth here.

I was in first.

So, I kept on brushing.

- Did you tell him that? - And, then suddenly I hear,

Suddenly I hear plop, plop, plop.

So, I stopped because the toilet was starting

to get kinda smelly, you know.

So, I stopped, I said, oh man, listen, I gotta keep cool.

So, I went outside and I waited and the little man left.

I went back into the toilet, brushed my teeth

and I get out, because, you know,

I got really scared because I thought maybe

the guy's gonna say to his mom or dad,

"Hey Mama, there was this black guy

"and I was lowering my pants and he was looking at me."

"Where is he, I'm gonna, where's the guy,

"where's the guy man, he's mine?"

The real question is what were you doing

brushing your teeth at a rest stop?

That's so disgusting.

Dude man, look.

Where we go now then?

We're going to meet my dad

and then we're gonna go...

Well, I think he's gonna meet us over by the skate park.

Okay man, finally man so.

You know, we'll stay with him and tomorrow

I think he's gonna take us horseback riding or something.

He knows some rich lady that's got horses and uh...

Rich ladies.

Yes, she's old, don't worry about it.

Anyway, I think we're gonna go horseback riding.

Hey, hey, l-listen,

a rich lady is never too old.

There's one thing you gotta know, man.

I have to teach you so many things, man.

A rich lady's never too old,

because one, she can take care of your pension.

Number two, if I take a good vee-agara,

I can still give her the.

And, number three, you won't have to brush your teeth

in a rest stop bathroom with little boys

taking shits next to you.

Exactly, exactly, my friend.

I had no idea that little boys could smell like that, man.

I don't know.

It's not the kinda thing you wanna hear.

No, no, no, of course.

It just, it doesn't matter.

We'll be fine.

It's really, seriously, it's more important

if I just get a chance to come and see you.

I mean, that's the thing that matters to me most right now.

No, it's okay, really.

All right, I'll talk to you soon.

All right.

No, I was saying my dad had to go and get a checkup.

Yeah.

And... they checked the thing in the throat

and it's not looking good.

It's, they gave, I mean, they said at first, you know,

there's two different things that it could be.

And, one is not bad and one is probably pretty bad.

And, it turned out to be the bad one.

You know, I mean, basically, they told him

you gotta go back home and start to think

and do some soul searching and think

about what you really wanna do.

So, I think they're giving him options,

but none of it looks good and he's just...

I guess what it is is that we can't really stay with him,

but what he really wants is me to just go and visit him.

You didn't say anything to me.

Well, I told you he might be sick,

but I didn't know it was this bad.

Totally, do everything you need to do

and if you wanna stay here more days, whatever, man.

I've seen so many things till so far from this USA, so...

Yeah, yeah, no, look the thing is, I'm gonna tell him

that I'm gonna come back.

Like right when this trip is done, I'm gonna come back.

I mean, you have to fly back from New York,

he has to do more tests.

He's you know, he's stressed out, but I'm gonna let him know

that I'm coming back to visit him

and I'll come and see him when, you know,

when, like right when you leave, I'll come back out here

and hang out with him.

But, you know, to for you hearing this news

and then in what sort of way you wanna continue

this trip, man?

It's gonna be flipping your mind, man.

My phone keeps buzzing.

It's probably my sister.

But, yeah, you know what's crazy is that

she had a hard relationship with him some of the time

and she's even more emotional about this than I am.

Geez, man.

Thanks.

Moni.

It's all right.

Well, are you gonna be all right to hang out

at a hotel tonight?

I'll just, I won't you know, I'll be back eventually, but...

Man, if, can I put all the Budweisers on your account?

Yeah, you can have as many Budweisers

as you need.

Okay, man.

How are you?

Hi.

Thank you I'm doing fine, yes.

Can I grab you something to drink?

Uh yeah, can I have water without ice, please?

Sure.

And a, well let's see.

What's a French roll?

Oh it's like a long hoagie.

It's like this white bread, sour dough

cooked, backed on top.

It's pretty good.

Okay, I take the Diner Philly then.

Sure.

Here you are.

Okay, thanks.

And, now I'll bring it right out.

All right.

Excuse me.

Hi, you got some mayonnaise?

Mayonnaise?

Mayonnaise.

- Yeah, I'll be right back. - Yeah, okay.

Thank you.

Uh, I mean it was a little bit crazy

'cause at first he wasn't talking about anything

and I didn't know how to really start the conversation.

And, he sat us down and then he told us that, you know,

he went to the doctors in Denver versus, you know,

like to make sure that everything was what they had told him

up in the mountains was exactly the way it was.

And, he said that the doctors in Denver,

they told him that they don't think,

they don't think it's as bad as what the doctors

in the mountains said.

Yeah, but how will they know for sure

without any research?

Well, that's what they're doing

the surgery on Tuesday for.

But, the doctors in the mountains they said

he had four to six months to live.

And, the doctors in Denver said

that they don't think that's right.

They think it might actually be something

that he can beat.

I mean it completely changed his mood and everything.

I mean you should have seen the look on his face.

He's like he feels like he has a new lease on life.

It's pretty crazy.

I couldn't really believe it.

Hey, Boerleider...

Are you asleep??

Oh, man.

Jesus Christ.

Man, sorry, man, I always fall asleep in your car, man.

Oh, shit, but...

I can't believe it.

Were you still telling the story?

So, what happened with your dad then?

Did you feel that?

Did you feel the car?

Every time you put that on, it's fucking the car up.

It's so hot outside that when you put on the AC

it messes with the electronics in the car.

Yeah okay, man, but uh, why do you have AC

in the car if you can't use it when it's hot?

Well, you'll find out soon enough

when we're sitting on our asses on the side of the road.

All right, I warned you.

Yeah well, I had the AC on maybe a little bit longer

than I should have as we were driving across the state.

And, it's a 2000 Legacy and it's my mother's car

and she had just recently given it to me, but...

Okay, okay, man, that's fine, that's fine.

Man, I feel so sad he's dead, man.

He could have been huge, man, so big, man.

I think he died because he was huge.

Oh man, why do you say those things, man?

Okay man, let's go man.

The cool thing about the Arcade

is it stays open really late.

Hey, but what was that lady saying, man?

I couldn't understand it anymore.

Well, yeah, she was I mean, basically

what she was saying was that she's been there

27, 28 years protesting.

Wow, man.

Hi, can we sit for, I'll explain in a second.

Can we sit at the booth,

at the Elvis Booth down in the back?

Yeah.

All right, cool.

No, but the point is, here's a person who stood

for helping out poor people.

She's the last person that ever lived in that place

and they kicked her out and she's just saying

if you look at the legacy of what this guy was all about,

he didn't, even he wrote it down, if after I'm gone,

don't make big monuments to him and trying to turn it

into Disneyland, especially the place where he was shot.

I mean, that's just, it's sort of disgraceful.

But, you have those memorial places everywhere, I mean...

Yeah, I know, but you have 'em in Amsterdam too.

I mean, look at the Anne Frank place.

It's like they take something that's a tragedy

and they turn it into a spectacle.

That is a multi-million dollar because...

Yeah, it's a money-making machine.

And, it's like her whole point is he was for poor people

and now they're just kicking poor people

out of this neighborhood.

The thing is what does it have to do

with why she is standing outside?

It's about making sure the voice stays alive, and...

Yeah, but okay, but you said it stayed alive

only with a little quote now.

- It's one quote... - Yeah well, I mean

she's out there, she's out there every day.

People see her and they're like what's that all about.

If she wasn't there, then the voice would be dead for sure,

so I don't know it's crazy, you know.

You gotta commend her.

Hey guys, can I go ahead and get y'all

something to drink tonight?

Yeah, what do you want?

A milkshake.

Milkshake, what kind?

We have chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla.

- Chocolate. - Chocolate?

Can I get a tea?

I want a sweet tea but I don't want sugar.

Can I get like with honey or something?

An un-sweet tea with honey?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, I'll be right out for y'all, okay?

All right, thank you.

But man, listen, for Martin Luther King.

Yes.

There has to be a way you can remember him.

Yeah, look, I don't, she's like, it's not about

not having some sort of memorial.

But, a real memorial would be letting that place

be a place for poor people to live.

Letting this area be a place where they take care

of poor people because if you just turn it into a museum

for rich people to come and look and say,

ah it's so good, I'm here to like pay respect,

then it just absolves them...

So, the money that comes out of the museum,

where's that go then?

Goes into somebody's pocket.

All right, here's your drinks. Un-sweet tea with honey.

- And, a chocolate milkshake. - Ah yes, thank you, yeah.

- Yeah. - So, enjoy, okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, Moni, I understand your point of view,

but look now we're, I could say to you,

why do you take such a big tea?

Why didn't you take a smaller tea?

This is a small in America.

Oh, this is small in America?

Wow, man, then I'm,

then I'm getting a little bit confused here then.

Yeah.

No, no, it's fine.

Yeah, he's doing good, he's all right.

He's just tired all the time.

He's just sleeping in the car, complaining about the heat.

Hey, yeah, Boerleider, I'm talking to my mom on Skype.

You wanna say hi?

Just say hello for me.

Nah, yeah, he says hi.

All right, we'll get in touch from the next place.

Yeah, love you lots.

Bye.

Yeah, just up the road is where Steph's mom lives

and she's gonna take us to her church

and you're gonna see some real gospel sangin'.

Yeah man.

They don't sing, they sang.

They sang.

Hey look, is that a UFO?

Where?

Could be, man.

I don't even bother about those things anymore, man.

You're over the UFOs?

It's always the other people

that's seeing them.

I never see shit.

Yeah.

It's the Iranian cigarette.

But, why does it has a French name?

is a Farsi name.

It's Persian.

It's just a lot of the words sound French.

They even say merci when they say thank you over there.

You know...

But, you wanna know what

means?

Do you remember?

Do you remember when I told you what this meant?

Sounds like small mustache to me.

Small mustache?

- Close. - Small mustache.

It means mouse penis.

You don't even have a soul, man.

I know, I don't believe in it.

Because you're a vegetarian,

you don't have a soul.

Because I'm a vegetarian, I don't have a soul?

Yeah.

I'm a heathen because I don't eat meat.

Yeah, exactly, man.

You think if Jesus got rich,

he'd just turn into an asshole like everybody else?

Get greedy?

If Jesus was rich, he would turn into

David Copperfield, man.

Doing all kinds of weird tricks.

You want me to split the sea?

Here, I'll do it, man.

For the first time or maybe back home,

other churches may call you visitors,

but here at John Wesley we embrace you as extended family.

So, if we have any of you today...

will you please stand at this time.

♪...in meat. They said, "What?" ♪

♪ He said, "I'm running!...I'm Running..." ♪

♪ "I'm Running... I'm RUNNNNNING!!! ♪

♪ "From the Lord." ♪

♪ "God tried to send me - huh" ♪

♪ "Down the river - huh" ♪

- ♪ "I said, 'No way! - huh'" ♪

♪ "No how!" ♪

♪ Jonah was in the belly of the fish, ♪

♪ Riding around the sea, ♪

♪ Three days, ♪

♪ Three nights, ♪

♪ In blubber - huh. ♪

♪ Three days, ♪

♪ Three nights, ♪

♪ Among all the smelly stuff. ♪

♪ He said, "Lord - huh!" ♪

♪ "Laaaaawd," ♪

♪ "have mercy." ♪

♪ God don't care whether ♪ you're happy or not

♪ God don't care whether you think He's ♪

♪ Doing the right thing ♪

♪ What God sayeth ♪

♪ I'll go where you want me to go - huh ♪

♪ I'll do - huh ♪

♪ What you want me to do - huh ♪

♪ I say what you want me to say - huh ♪

♪ I'llllll go! ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

Amen!

Amen!

Amen.

I've been to churches in the Netherlands,

but you know that's really strict, little bit stiff

you know, but this one, the Baptized, it's Baptized, huh?

No, I think they're Methodists actually.

Oh Methodists.

It's like I don't know, it's the same thing to me,

I don't know.

I can understand that this community,

this church community really gives you power

like once a week to find the strength

to come out of your miserable situation, you know.

Yeah, yeah, well it sustains you.

You know, it's like whether you're religious or not,

you gotta sorta respect the fact

that this is an organization that gives

people some strength.

Well, I have been to the church when I was young.

Yeah, but you never go anymore, you know.

But, at least you were being respectful in there

and it was good.

And, you saw the power of it too.

Yeah, oh man, yeah.

But, you know, the thing is when I stopped,

I stopped going to church because it was

every Sunday morning at 10:30.

Yeah.

And, it was just the time I got home from house parties.

Yeah.

And, we always had a after, after, after, after

house party somewhere

that started at 8:00 in the morning.

So, that interrupted with your church going?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, Gap Outlet.

Can we check it out real, real quick?

You know when I got to this country first time,

you know which store I really loved?

What?

Old Navy, man.

Yeah, I know, all you Americans shit on that brand,

but you know the thing is why all the other people

wanna become like trillionaires or billionaires

is because they wanna dress in Gucci, Prada, Armani,

and you name all these fucking shit.

If those people weren't afraid to wear the other type

of clothes, the Old Navy clothes,

then there would be no war.

So, basically what you're saying is

all the super elite around the world, the world leaders,

the industrialists, if they would just all be willing

to wear Old Navy and have like a normal wage

like everybody else, then there'd be no more fighting.

And, look, I wanted to be rich so many years ago.

Yeah.

But, now I'm satisfied with Old Navy.

And, now you're a peaceful guy.

I'm a peaceful guy, man.

Ah shut up, man, okay.

All right, I gotta turn off the AC.

It's too much for the alternator.

Yeah, and you know, since we're pretty much

400 miles from New York, I don't want any alternator

to be the terminator.

Hey, ah, today's Tuesday.

Yeah.

So, your dad's being operated now.

Well, I don't know how long the surgery lasts, but...

Jesus Christ.

But, he got really sick and he had to spend the night

at the hospital so that's pretty damn scary.

But, the doctors said it was just nerves.

So, I don't know...

You know, I've got a lot of phobias.

So, I'm afraid of elevators and you can add in hospitals

with that, man.

You're hospital-phobic, too?

Yeah.

Jesus.

So, if you're...

Actually, I'm a multi-phobic person.

A multi-phobic, yeah, that makes sense.

Noticed a few of them...

But you still think I can get a girlfriend?

For your sake I hope so.

Are you phobic of girlfriends, are you girlfriend-phobic?

Um, I think I would get, but do you think

I get a girlfriend with even more phobias?

Well, you know, you could have the phobia

of not having a girlfriend

and the phobia of having a girlfriend.

You know what kind of phobia I also have?

What kind?

I've got a typical kinda phobia in the plane.

Oh, airplane crash phobia.

You fly a lot, huh?

Yeah, and I'm afraid.

Okay, well listen, did you've ever hear

anything what the guys in the cockpit says?

No, what?

xklkxzlkx flight zxklzxk

thank you welcome aboard this zxcraftlkczkxl

lzxccjz you fly xzkl from New York JFK zxklzxkt dkl.

halfway klxlzwe'llbeeeeeee...

Where'd you learn...

Mama, what did the Captain say?

Well, I don't know but I think he said something

that we gonna fly?

Did you learn all that working at the airport?

Yeah, you know, I fly a lot and each time,

I don't hear anything they say.

And, when you understand them, they say stupid things

like.

This is to let you know the outside temperature

is really cold, it's really cold.

Oh, did you hear that, it's really cold outside

the plane flying at 12,000 feet.

So, we better stay inside.

Yeah, oh, can I get a coffee please?

Oh man.

PING-PONG.

Ladies and gentlemen,

as a special announcement ladies and gentlemen

if we all look to the right, you don't see anything

or your left.

PING-PONG.

Moni, where are we going?

It's totally dark out here.

Ah, ghosts.

No, those are the people we're staying with.

That's where we drove past when we were coming up.

Yeah, along the river and then you came through

that little bridge that's the oldest and shortest

little bridge, little funky urbana bridge.

That is totally scary, that bridge.

I bought this place as kind of like

a mid-life crisis moment, you know,

repeating my parents' mistake of buying

a fallen down farm house in the middle of nowhere

on a dirt road and that's what we got.

But, isn't it scary to live in a house

so far away from everything?

It's only scary when Brett goes away and I'm here alone.

Oh yeah?

Yeah, it's really terrifying.

But, how often do you go and leave her here?

What's it?

My mom's been kind of in and out of the hospital lately.

Oh.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, she's back in.

My sister can't go so it looks like

we gotta go there tonight.

Tonight?

But, is it a problem if we stay?

- No, no, no. - I mean we can leave.

You guys gotta stay.

If we're not back by the time you leave,

we'll just leave you a key. It's no problem.

But, I feel really bad.

We haven't seen you in awhile.

Yeah, if you've gotta go out just, you know, lock up and...

Well, We'll keep it clean, we'll just we won't

make a mess or anything.

Eat whatever you want, drink whatever you want.

Take a long hot shower.

Don't say that to him,

he'll drink everything in the house.

Night Boerleider.

Night, Monihan.

What are you doing here?

What's that?

It's not what you think.

Oh my God.

Now what's?

Hey are you sure it's down there?

Yeah, it's scary.

There's gotta be a light.

Where's the light dimmer?

You see it?

No, I don't see shit, man.

Oh look, we're in New York.

No, no, no, no, we're still in Jersey.

It's gonna be probably another four hours of traffic

before we get to New York.

Oh man.

Why do they call it Holland Tunnel anyway, man?

'Cause it's like a Dutch oven.

It stinks inside there.

Jesus Christ.

Is that the most original joke you can make

upon the people of the Netherlands?

I'm telling you.

If you ask people in America what they know about Holland

or Dutch, they're gonna say Dutch oven.

No, they gonna start with a stupid,

"I went into the coffee shop once."

I can feel it.

Home sweet home.

This is where it really starts to stink.

We're just sorta stuck in some traffic right now.

Oh hey, take a look at the police cameras.

Yeah, they're everywhere.

Yeah?

It's a police state now.

I mean, you might be being filmed right now, ah shit.

Guy just pulled right in front of me.

I just couldn't even...

Dumb tourists, get the fuck out of here.

Hey, you really behave like a New Yorker, man,

I like it, man.

I mean, they just, getting in my way.

- Push on the horn. - I may have California plates

but I'm from Brooklyn.

Shut up honky.

Man, man, man, man, this is the town

for the shopaholic, man.

I see, the only thing I see are stores, stores, store.

Yep.

Nay, say

Oh my God, that's correct.

Now say the whole sentence.

Yeah, wow, terrific.

You know what you said?

Yeah, I'm not paying for...

I'm not gonna pay for that.

Oh wow!

There it is.

Freedom.

Oh God, we made it, man.

I can't believe it.

Fuck, there's no parking places, though.

No parking place?

Ain't you happy we got here?

Yeah.

You know how many times

I've been the check engine light?

Yeah, it's been on the whole time.

- Come on. - Yeah it's been on

all the time, like three weeks.

Yeah, but we're parked illegally, so let's go.

Oh man.

It's still in one shape, man.

Where's the keys.

Let me go open the door. Here.

Moni.

What?

I was kinda negative about Subaru,

but you know it takes you where you...

Man...

Take this one?

Are you good?

I'm paying my respect, man.

Watch out, that bird will take a shit on you.

Okay, man, listen.

You make a nice picture for me

with Manhattan at the backside.

Stylin', man.

Can I see it, can I see it?

So, why don't you live in Staten Island?

What's out there?

Nothing.

Nothing?

Nothing at all.

No but, you had...

They call it Shaolin, like in the movies,

like the Kung Fu movies.

They call it Shaolin.

Staten Island, it's also where they murdered the guy

for selling the cigarettes.

Oh yeah?

Yeah, it happened out there.

That's why we're not getting off the boat.

We're staying on the boat and going right back.

My trip is almost over.

Are you bummed out?

Ah, that sucks, man, yeah.

Watch how Monihan goes.

Monihan's gonna try to do the Neil Blender.

Yeah.

Look, yeah.

There you go, Neil.

How long have you known Monihan for?

Monihan, well, I think...

Maybe...

20 years,

or longer maybe.

Yeah, yeah, you know it happened when I was in Amsterdam

during a few contests, I think maybe somewhere in Utrecht,

there was this little American guy with a really big mouth,

you know, making jokes with everybody

and telling shit to everybody.

My God, man.

And, then I started to go against him with my jokes,

and then, I said, 'Hey, this guy's got humor.

This guy got humor."

And, then we, yeah, we became friends, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who came out on top with the joke fighting?

I think Moni was skating and I with jokes.

It always has been my dream to travel and see America.

Okay.

And, also because when I was skating, I tried really hard

to improve my skating by visiting the U.S.

Okay.

My very first time was sort of a nightmare, actually.

Oh, what happened?

Well, I planned a trip and I was still on Vision Team.

Right.

My team manager during that time was Marty Jimenez.

Jinx?

Yeah, Jinx.

Shut up.

Yeah.

And, he take good care of me.

Uh huh.

Yeah, Marty's a good guy.

Yeah, but you know, I saved a lot of money

to go to California.

Okay.

And, he called me and he said,

"Well, you can't stay at my place.

"I'm not gonna pick you up,

"because I'm getting married in two days."

And, I said, man, I have no...

Marty said that?

I have no travel insurance, I have no shit.

I'm...

I was at that wedding.

You know what, hold on.

- Hold on, wait. - You were at the wedding, so,

He did get married.

He did get married and we were all at the wedding.

Is he still married?

He's still married after all this time.

Yeah?

We're gonna call him.

Wow, man.

Yeah, those things you won't believe.

Marty.

- Marty, this is John. - Oh man.

It's his voicemail, hold on.

Here, just say he's gotta pick you up at the airport.

- Tell him you're at John Wayne. - Hey Marty, you remember me?

A voice from the past, man.

Yeah, 30 years ago, you were supposed to pick me up

at the airport but you couldn't make it

because 48 hours before my arrival you just

got the notice that you were getting married.

Isn't that something.

These things can happen.

And, you couldn't put up with somebody else?

These things can happen.

Yeah, but you couldn't put me up with somebody else

because I couldn't do rock 'n' roll, invert or whatever,

backside air revert.

Oh Marty.

I know man, but yeah man, shit happens.

But, you know my true friend, Monihan, he gave me

the big surprise of my life.

I went through America, so man it's, oh.

He just hang up on me.

Wow.

Hey Moni, why are we dressed up like this?

Don't worry about it.

I told you this is gonna be fun.

Yeah, but wait a minute.

I see so many titties, man.

I thought it was prohibited in New York.

No, don't say that.

♪ America, America ♪

Oh wait, did you remember your mustache?

I got the mustache with me, man.

I think Moni had actually peed his pants.

And, they went squealing away like little girls. And like...

Sexist.

And then they went peeling out

of the driveway...

Moni, let's touch the water, man.

It's a little bit dirty.

Well, I guess this is it, man.

Thank you, man.

Yeah.

Yes, man, wow.

Too bad, man.

It's been good having you here.

See you in 25 years maybe, man.

Shut up.

Thank you, man.

I'll talk to you soon.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh Moni, wait, wait, wait, shit.

Keep working on your inverts, man.

Yeah?

- Yes, all right, man. - Safe flight Boerleider.

You've reached Gary Pillar's cell phone.

I'm not available at the moment.

Leave your message, I'll get back to you

just as soon as I can.

Hey Pops, it's me.

I'm just calling to see how you're doing?

I hope you're feeling all right.

I was looking online and I saw some flights

for Wednesday that are pretty cheap.

I just wanted to make sure that that will work.

So, gimme a call when you get back and yeah,

hopefully I can get out there this week

and see you.

All right, I'll talk to you real soon.

Can I get a beer, please.

Thank you, yes, okay.

Hey, you wanna hear a funny story?

My friend Monihan was supposed to pick me up

at the airport.

He never showed up.

He was at some kind of a film festival in some other country

and then his mother picked me up at the airport.

When we were driving back she was asking me

all these kind of questions.

And, then she said, "Hey, would like to go

"for some mushroom hunting?"

And, so I did and that's where it all started.

Hunting for mushrooms.

Porcini.

Later on I was checking my email.

Suddenly I heard this voice.

"Boerleider."

I stood up, walked in the hallway.

I walked up there, take a look around.

And, suddenly I saw this hand at the bathroom door

waving at me.

I said, 'oh man...'

'What is happening here?'

So...

I was goddam nervous.

I walked in there

and there she was.

I looked at her, she looked at me.

Then she asked me, "I have to ask for a really big favor."

And, then she turned around, she bent over.

She lifted up her towel, she spread her butt cheeks.

I was looking and then suddenly she gave me

a pair of tweezers.

I took a closer look and there was a tick.

It was just maybe an inch away from her butt hole.

Can you imagine if it was inside the butt hole?

Hey man, she could have got Lyme disease, she could die.

And then, I had the tweezers in my hand.

I took it out, man, I took it out.

Its legs were still moving.

I show it to her and I dropped it in the toilet,

flushed the toilet.

You know and even at the end, I put a bandaid

on her butt cheeks.

But, you know, sometimes a man's gotta do

what a man's gotta do.

Man.

Hey, that's me, man.

My flight back to Amsterdam.

Nice talking to you.

Beer.

Subtitles by sub.Trader Corrected by explosiveskull