Original subtitles

>> PUSH!

>> WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

>> I´M NOT GOING TO WALK AWAY

OVER DUMB SHIT LIKE D.N.A.

>> HE´S NOT YOUR SON, CHRISTIAN.

HE´S MINE.

>> WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, JAMES,

THAT YOU´RE TAKING WILBER HOME

WITH YOU?

>> YES.

>> I SIMPLY NEED THE USE OF

McNAMARA/TROY 3 NIGHTS A WEEK,

AFTER HOURS. NO ONE WOULD KNOW

ABOUT IT.

>> WE JUST DON´T BELONG TOGETHER

ANYMORE.

>> ♫ IT´S THE MOST WONDERFUL

TIME OF THE YEAR... ♫

>> YOU THINK SHE´LL LIKE IT?

I COULD GET HER THE EARRINGS TO

GO WITH IT.

>> YEAH. SURE. SHE CAN CARRY IT

IN HER BARBIE BLING BLING BAG,

ALONG WITH HER LITTLE MERMAID

TIARA. YOU KNOW, ANNIE´S ONLY

12, DAD. DON´T YOU THINK IT´S A

LITTLE EXTRAVAGANT?

>> I THINK SHE´LL LOVE IT.

SHE´LL LOOK JUST LIKE A PRINCESS

IN IT.

>> ♫ WITH THOSE HOLIDAY

GREETINGS AND GAY HAPPY

MEETINGS... ♫

>> YOU KNOW, SHE IS

COMING TO SEE YOU, DAD, NOT FOR

ALL THE LOOT.

>> I KNOW. BUT THIS IS THE FIRST

TIME WE´LL BE OPENING PRESENTS

WITHOUT YOUR MOTHER AND ME

TOGETHER. I WANT IT TO BE

SPECIAL.

>> LISTEN, DAD--

>> HEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

FOR YOUR MOM. I KNOW IT´S SORT

OF WEIRD, BUT I´D LIKE TO GET

HER SOMETHING. I MEAN IT´S

CHRISTMAS, RIGHT?

>> RIGHT.

>> IT JUST FEELS SO STRANGE,

YOU KNOW. HER BEING IN NEW YORK

WITH ERICA AND NOT WITH US.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

IT´S HER. YOUR MOTHER´S GOT A

SIXTH SENSE. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT

COMES TO BUYING HER PRESENTS.

HEY. MATTIE AND I ARE JUST

PICKING UP A FEW THINGS FOR

CONNOR AND ANNIE.

OH? SHE SEE A DOCTOR? DID

HE PRESCRIBE--GOOD. THAT SHOULD

CLEAR IT UP IN A WEEK OR SO.

KISS HER FOR ME, OK? AND CONNOR.

TELL THEM THEIR PRESENTS ARE

COMING BY REINDEER EXPRESS. OK.

[SIGHS]

STREP.

[CLOSES PHONE]

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? LOOKS

LIKE IT´S JUST YOU, ME, AND

KIMBER, BUD.

>> LISTEN, DAD, I´M SORRY. I

SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU SOONER.

KIMBER AND I ARE GOING ON A FREE

WIND SCIENTOLOGY CRUISE FOR

5 DAYS.

WE´RE NOT GONNA BE HERE.

>> WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD

ME, MATT. I WAS REALLY COUNTING

ON A FAMILY--OR WHAT´S LEFT OF

IT BEING TOGETHER.

>> I KNOW. IT´S JUST--YOU KNOW,

I GOT MY NEW FAMILY NOW. AND

IT´S REALLY IMPORTANT TO KIMBER.

IT´S A CHANCE FOR HER TO ADVANCE

TO THE NEXT LEVEL. AND YOU KNOW,

I CAN´T NOT GO.

>> DON´T WORRY ABOUT IT. WE´LL

CELEBRATE WHEN YOU GET BACK.

>> YEAH?

>> YEAH.

>> ♫ WHEN LOVED ONES ARE NEAR,

IT´S THE MOST

WONDERFUL TIME... ♫

>> WHY DON´T WE GRAB A

CAPPUCCINO OR SOMETHING AT THE

BAR.

>> GOTTA GET HOME.

>> JESUS!

>> I KNOW. IT´S MY NIGHT TO MAKE

DINNER. COME ON.

>> ♫ OF THE YEAR ♫

>> MERRY CHRISTMAS, DAD.

>> CAN I GET ANOTHER?

>> ♫ AHH,

MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL,

MAKE ME...

THE PERFECT SOUL,

A PERFECT MIND,

A PERFECT FACE,

A PERFECT

LIFE ♫

>> A DOLLAR? THAT THE BEST

YOU CAN DO? COME ON, MAN. ´TIS

THE SEASON.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU´RE A

HEALTHY WHITE DUDE WHOSE

INDUSTRIOUS ENOUGH TO

APPROPRIATE A SALVATION ARMY

BUCKET DURING PEAK SEASON.

SO YOU KNOW WHAT I

THINK, A DOLLAR IS MORE THAN

GENEROUS, OK?

>> DON´T BE SO SENSITIVE. I JUST

HAVE TO DO MY MAJOR FUNDRAISING

THIS TIME OF YEAR. MY NAME IS

REEFER. AW, IT´S NOT WHAT YOU

THINK. I WAS A SURFER WHEN I WAS

YOUNG AND THE NAME JUST SORT OF

STUCK FOR OTHER REASONS.

>> I KNEW SOMETHING SMELLED LIKE

MY OLD DORM ROOM. JESUS!

>> HEY, MAN, I DIDN´T STEAL THIS

BUCKET! I FOUND IT!

>> RIGHT! NEXT TO A WOMAN IN A

BONNET RINGING A BELL? YOU

STAY SOBER, REEFER, AND WHO

KNOWS, MAYBE SANTA WILL BRING

YOU A JOB FOR CHRISTMAS.

>> I GOT YOUR JOB HERE.

>> OH, YEAH.

>> ASSHOLE!

>> CRYSTAL. $250 EACH. NO 2

ARE ALIKE.

>> MY SISTER AND I USED TO MAKE

OUR OWN DECORATIONS. POPCORN.

COTTON BALLS FOR SNOW. SOMETIMES

WE´D TAKE THE TOPS OFF ALUMINUM

CANS AND PUNCH HOLES THROUGH

THEM SO THE LIGHT COULD SHINE

THROUGH.

>> FROM CANS TO CRYSTALS. YOU´VE

COME QUITE A LONG WAY, BABY.

>> I KNOW. BUT I SORT OF MISS

MAKING SOMETHING FROM NOTHING,

YOU KNOW? AND THE TREE, WE WOULD

WAIT TILL THE LAST MINUTE TO

PICK UP THE BARGAIN LEFTOVER.

SOMETIMES THE BRANCHES WERE HALF

DEAD, BUT AT LEAST IT WAS REAL.

>> SO IS THIS.

[DOOR OPENS]

[GIGGLES]

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

>> I SEE WE´RE GETTING AN

EARLY START ON THE FESTIVITIES.

ARE THESE THE SAME ORNAMENTS

FROM LAST YEAR?

>> A SLIGHT UPGRADE, MY FRIEND.

IT´S A HARBINGER OF THINGS TO

COME.

>> I JUST GOT AN 8-FOOTER THIS

YEAR FOR ANNIE. SHE´S GOT

STREP, CAN´T COME. HEY! WHY

DON´T YOU GUYS STOP BY?

WOULDN´T BE CHRISTMAS EVE

WITHOUT CHRISTIAN TROY´S FAMOUS

MALT CIDER.

>> [CHUCKLES]

WE CAN´T. WE´RE GOING TO ST.

PETERSBURG.

>> CHRISTIAN BOOKED A ROOM AT

THE GRAND HOTEL.

>> IMPULSE TRAVEL. WE´RE GONNA

SPEND A WHITE CHRISTMAS

SOMEWHERE WE´VE NEVER BEEN.

>> WOW! SOME IMPULSE. HA HA.

CAN I COME? KIDDING. IMPULSE

RESPONSE. REALLY, THAT´S GREAT.

YOU GUYS DESERVE IT. GIVE MY

BEST TO PUTIN.

>> HEY, SEAN. SEAN, WAIT UP A

SEC. I NEED TO GIVE YOU MY 10:30

CONSULT. IT´S A LITTLE, KIND OF,

PROVOCATIVE FOR ME AT THIS

POINT IN TIME. JUST CONSIDER IT

AN EARLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT. OH,

AND BY THE WAY, THERE´S A GIFT

FOR YOU FROM DIANA LUBEY.

[FRENCH ACCENT] IT´S ON YOUR

DESK.

>> MRS. HICKOCK, TELL ME...

WHAT DON´T YOU LIKE ABOUT

YOURSELF?

>> I´M A FRIGID BITCH,

ACCORDING TO HICKEY.

>> HICKEY´S YOUR HUSBAND,

I PRESUME.

>> YEAH. WELL, HICKEY´S HIS PET

NAME. IT WAS EITHER HICKEY OR

COCK, USUALLY FOLLOWED BY

SUCKER. WE´RE GETTING DIVORCED.

>> SORRY. SOME? SO, HICKEY WAS

UNABLE TO SATISFY YOU?

>> IT´S NOT THAT I DON´T LIKE

SEX. I ENJOY SEX. IT´S JUST THAT

I RARELY COULD GO OVER THE

WATERFALL, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I

MEAN. SO FOR CHRISTMAS THIS

YEAR, I´VE DECIDED TO ASK SANTA

FOR A KILLER ORGASM. AND A NEW

WARDROBE.

>> I SEE. WELL, SINCE I´M NOT A

COUTURIER, I ASSUME YOU´RE HERE

FOR A G-SPOT AMPLIFICATION?

>> IF THAT´S WERE YOU INJECT

RESTYLANE INTO MY COOCH AND I

COME LIKE A HOUSE ON FIRE, THEN

YEAH.

>> HA HA. YES.

>> JUST BECAUSE MY MARRIAGE IS

OVER DOESN´T MEAN MY LIFE IS.

>> THAT´S A VERY HEALTHY

ATTITUDE.

>> THANK YOU.

>> I´M GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE

MYSELF. AND THE HOLIDAYS...

WELL, SO FAR THEY SORT OF...

SUCK ASS.

>> WELL, SEE, WE´VE GOT TO BE

PROACTIVE. ´TIS THE SEASON TO

STOP THINKING OF OTHERS. WE´VE

GOT TO START THINKING ABOUT

OURSELVES. FOR INSTANCE, WHAT

ARE YOU GONNA GET YOURSELF

THIS HOLIDAY SEASON? NEW SUIT,

PERHAPS? SOMETHING A LITTLE LESS

BROWN, MAYBE? SORRY, I´M JUST

RAMBLING. GUESS I´M NERVOUS.

NEEDLES.

>> IT´S ACTUALLY AN EASY

OUT-PATIENT PROCEDURE. THE

WHOLE THING TAKES 20 MINUTES,

ONCE WE ZERO IN ON OUR TARGET.

[SNIFFS]

[SIGHS]

>> THE G-SPOT IS ACTUALLY A WEB

OF NERVE ENDINGS AND BLOOD

VESSELS LOCATED ON THE INTERIOR

WALL OF THE VAGINA. IT COULD BE

TRICKY TO FIND IF YOU´RE NOT

USED TO IT. SOMETIMES YOU NEED

A HELPING HAND. SOMEWHERE

BENEATH THE URETHRA, EXTENDING

TO THE CERVIX. NOW, LET ME KNOW

WHEN YOU FEEL A TINGLING

SENSATION.

>> OK. YOU KNOW,

YOU´D LOOK REALLY GREAT IN

VERSACE.

>> OH, THANK YOU.

THERE´S A SPONGY AREA,

GETS ENGORGED DURING AROUSAL. IT

FEELS LIKE A LITTLE RED BEAN.

THE INJECTION SWELLS IT. MAKES

IT EASIER TO FIND.

>> JUST DO ME A FAVOR. NO MORE

BROOKS BROTHERS, OK? YOU KNOW,

YOU´RE A YOUNG GOOD-LOOKING GUY.

DON´T DRAW ALL THE LIFE OUT OF

YOU. SO DO I--WE GOT TO STOP

LIVING FOR ASSHOLES WHO DON´T

CARE ANYTHING ABOUT US. WE GOT

TO START TAKING CARE OF

OURSELVES AND MAKING OURSELVES

HAPPY. LISTEN, YOU KNOW WHAT?

HEY, WE´RE THEY ONLY ONES WHO

CAN DO IT. DO IT! DO IT! OH, DO

IT! DO IT! OH, DADDY, DO IT! OH,

GOD. OH! OH!

[PANTING]

OH, DO IT! DO IT! OH, GOD! OH,

GOD. OH!

[MOANING AND PANTING]

>> ♫ JOY TO THE WORLD,

THE LORD IS COME,

LET EARTH RECEIVE HER KING ♫

>> AAH!

>> JA. JA--

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

>> LA. JA. OOH.

[DOOR CLOSES]

>> I´M SORRY. I´M SORRY TO

INTERRUPT. I KNOCKED, BUT YOU

DIDN´T, UH...

>> OH, IT´S FINE. I WAS

JUST--HA HA. UH, WHAT CAN I DO

FOR YOU?

>> I´M WENDELL SUTHERLAND. YOU

KNEW MY FATHER, JAMES.

>> OF COURSE. OF COURSE. YEAH.

COME IN. HOW´S YOUR FATHER?

>> MY PARENTS WERE BOTH KILLED

IN A CAR ACCIDENT 2 WEEKS AGO ON

THEIR WAY BACK FROM CHURCH.

[SIGHS]

>> I´M SO SORRY. WHAT ABOUT

WILBER--I MEAN, GABRIEL?

>> HE´S FINE. AND IT´S STILL

WILBER. MY BROTHER WOULDN´T

ANSWER TO ANYTHING ELSE, SO THEY

GAVE UP. SAID THEY DIDN´T WANT

TO CONFUSE HIM. IF YOU ASK ME,

THE KID´S GOT A STUBBORN STREAK.

MY FATHER NAMED YOU LEGAL

GUARDIAN IN HIS WILL.

>> WOW, IT JUST--

I´M JUST A LITTLE STUNNED. WHY

DIDN´T HE GIVE HIM TO YOU OR

YOUR BROTHER?

>> IT WAS HARD ON US

WHEN MY FATHER BROUGHT WILBER

HOME. MY MOTHER NEVER REALLY GOT

OVER IT. HIS BETRAYAL.

IT SUDDENLY CHANGED EVERYTHING,

HAVING THIS BABY IN THE FAMILY.

AS FOR ME AND MY BROTHER, WE´RE

BOTH IN NO POSITION RIGHT NOW.

WE HAVE OUR OWN FUTURES TO THINK

ABOUT. MY FATHER ALWAYS TALKED

ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU LOVED HIM.

>> I DID. I DO.

[SIGHS]

THIS IS A LOT TO ABSORB.

WHAT ABOUT HIS MOTHER?

>> MY FATHER WAS VERY ADAMANT

THAT SHE HAVE AS LITTLE TO DO

WITH WILBER AS POSSIBLE. HE MADE

THAT VERY CLEAR IN HIS WILL.

>> IT´S JUST...

I´M GETTING MARRIED.

>> HEY, I GET IT. LIFE CHANGES,

HUH? IF ANYONE´S AT FAULT, IT´S

MY FATHER. HE SHOULD HAVE LET

YOU TAKE HIM OFF OUR HANDS WHEN

YOU OFFERED TO.

[SIGHS]

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR WEDDING.

[SIGHS]

>> WAIT...

I HAVEN´T SAID NO YET.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO HIM IF I

DON´T TAKE HIM?

>> THE CHURCH WILL FIND HIM A

GOOD HOME. THEY´RE ACTUALLY THE

BEST FOSTER AGENCY IN THE STATE.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[FOOTSTEPS]

>> DAMN! LOOK WHO JUST STEPPED

OFF THE PAGES OF GENTLEMEN´S

QUARTERLY. WHAT IS THAT SHIT,

VALENTENO?

>> GUCCI.

>> I BET THAT RUN YOU WHAT,

2--3,000, EH?

>> ALL RIGHT.

I GET YOUR POINT.

HA HA, JEEZ. HERE´S A 5, OK?

>> DOC, WHEN A MAN CAN AFFORD TO

LOOK THAT GOOD, IT IS A SIN TO

WALK AROUND IN ANYTHING LESS.

NOW, WHAT DID YOU DO WITH ALL

THAT BROOKS BROTHERS SHIT?

>> FORGET IT. WE BOTH KNOW IF I

GIVE YOU A SUIT, YOU´LL SELL IT

FOR A WEEK´S SUPPLY OF JACK.

>> HEY, ASSHOLE! YOU THINK JESUS

LOVES YOU MORE JUST ´CAUSE YOU

GOT MONEY?

>> NO. YOU THINK JESUS LOVES YOU

MORE BECAUSE YOU DON´T?

IF YOU WANT TO BELIEVE THERE´S

VIRTUE IN YOUR POVERTY, THAT´S

FINE. BUT DON´T ACCUSE ME OF

BEING AN ASSHOLE BECAUSE I´M

RICH. I´M NOT GONNA APOLOGIZE

FOR IT. I EARNED IT, OK? IF IT

WEREN´T FOR A LIFETIME OF HARD

WORK AND SACRIFICE, I WOULDN´T

BE WHERE I AM TODAY!

>> IT´S ALL RIGHT, DOC. CLOTHES

DON´T MAKE THE MAN, ANYMORE

THAN THIS DOES. PAIN IS

PAIN, RIGHT?

>> WHO SAYS I´M IN PAIN?

>> MAN, I´M DRUNK, NOT BLIND.

>> I´M SORRY, CHRISTIAN, BUT I

CAN´T. I JUST FINISHED TAKING

CARE OF SOMEONE. I DIDN´T

EXPECT TO BE CHANGING DIAPERS

AGAIN SO SOON.

>> THAT´S LIFE, MICHELLE. SHIT

HAPPENS. UNEXPECTED SHIT.

SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOT TO GO

WITH IT.

>> AT LEAST WITH BURT, I OWED IT

TO HIM. BUT THIS ISN´T MY CHILD,

CHRISTIAN. IT ISN´T EVEN YOURS.

>> HE FELT LIKE MINE WHEN HE WAS

WITH ME. I NEVER EVEN THOUGHT

ABOUT IT.

>> WHAT ABOUT HIS MOTHER? WHY

CAN´T SHE TAKE CARE OF HIM?

>> HIS PARENTS WANTED WHAT WAS

BEST FOR WILBER. IF I DON´T TAKE

HIM, HE´LL GO TO A FOSTER HOME.

I´VE BEEN THERE. I KNOW WHAT

THAT´S LIKE. I´M NOT GONNA LET

THAT HAPPEN TO HIM.

>> SO YOU´D TAKE HIM OVER ME?

>> I WANT YOU BOTH.

>> BUT IF YOU HAD TO MAKE A

CHOICE?

[SIGHS]

>> REMEMBER WHEN I ASKED YOU TO

MARRY ME? AND YOU SAID WHY DON´T

WE MOVE TOGETHER FIRST, SEE HOW

IT GOES, SEE IF IT´S RIGHT.

WELL, WHY DON´T YOU JUST SEE HOW

IT GOES? MEET HIM. HUG HIM. IF

IT DOESN´T FEEL RIGHT, WE´LL

TALK ABOUT IT THEN.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

[DOOR OPENS]

>> WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

>> ANY IDEA WHY ESCOBAR GALLARDO

WOULD BE SENDING YOU A HAM AS A

CHRISTMAS PRESENT?

>> NOT A CLUE.

>> BECAUSE HE WANTS TO SLAUGHTER

US LIKE PIGS.

>> IT MUST BE SOME KIND OF

TWISTED PRACTICAL JOKE.

>> I´M JUST RELIEVED IT´S NOT A

BOMB.

>> YOU WERE RIGHT TO CALL THE

F.B.I. HE´S OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO

MAINTAIN CONTACT WITH YOU. CAN

YOU THINK OF ANY REASON WHY?

>> I CAN´T. SORRY. YOU?

>> NOPE.

>> JUST WHEN I WAS STARTING TO

SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT AGAIN.

>> WE´LL BE INSTALLING

SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS ON THE

PREMISES. I´LL ALSO BE ASSIGNING

AGENTS TO THE PERIPHERY OF THE

BUILDING. THEY´RE PRETTY GOOD

ABOUT BEING AS OBTRUSIVE AS

POSSIBLE.

>> THAT WOULD BE WONDERFUL. I

CAN´T TELL YOU HOW MUCH SAFER I

FEEL.

>> GOOD. IF YOU NOTICE

ANYTHING ELSE SUSPICIOUS,

DON´T HESITATE.

>> THANK YOU.

>> YES. WE APPRECIATE ALL YOUR

HELP AND...THANK YOU.

>> THANK YOU.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

>> OH! WHEW! THAT´S A REALLY

NICE SUIT. GUCCI?

THAT´S TIGHT.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

[FOOTSTEPS]

>> DID YOU KNOW THAT A DOG

CHASES HIS TAIL WHEN HE FINDS

HIMSELF IN A DILEMMA HE CAN´T

RESOLVE? HA!

>> YOU CAN´T STAY HERE ANYMORE,

JAMES.

>> IT´S POINTLESS BEHAVIOR, OF

COURSE. THEY JUST CAN´T HELP

THEMSELVES. JUST HAVE TO KEEP

TRYING.

>> YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME.

>> OR?

OR WHAT?

TELL THE AUTHORITIES?

I DON´T THINK SO.

YOU HAVE WAY TOO MUCH TO LOSE.

WHY DON´T YOU JUST PUT UP WITH

THIS TINY INCONVENIENCE TILL I

FILL MY CHRISTMAS QUOTA?

>> CHRISTMAS IS GOING TO HAVE TO

COME EARLY THIS YEAR, JAMES.

McNAMARA/TROY´S NOW UNDER

F.B.I. SURVEILLANCE 24 HOURS

A DAY. THERE´S AGENTS OUTSIDE

THE ENTRANCE UNTIL THEY SET

THE CAMERAS UP.

SO STAY AS LONG AS YOU´D LIKE,

JUST MAKE SURE THEY GET YOUR

GOOD SIDE.

>> MICHELLE!

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

THANKS FOR WARNING ME. THAT WAS

GENEROUS OF YOU. I WOULD LIKE TO

THINK THAT YOUR DECISION TO TELL

ME INDICATED THAT YOU STILL HAVE

SOME WARM FEELINGS FOR ME.

>> THINK WHATEVER YOU´D LIKE.

YOU´D JUST BE CHASING YOUR TAIL.

[RING]

>> ♫ BA-BOOM, BA-BOOM,

BA-BOOM,

BA-BOOM, BA-BOOM, BA-BOOM,

BA-BOOM, BA-BOOM, BA-BOOM,

BA-BOOM ♫

>> ♫ SANTA BABY... ♫

>> THANK GOD YOU´RE NOT FINISHED

YET.

>> HEY, DOLL.

>> HEY.

POPPY ASKED IF SHE COULD BE

HERE. HE´S ONE OF HER CLOSEST

FRIENDS.

>> HE´S MY NEIGHBOR FOR LIKE

10 YEARS. THE SWEETEST GUY, TOO.

OH, GOD, LOOK AT THAT.

IS HE GONNA BE ABLE TO WALK?

>> OH, IT´LL TAKE SOME TIME TO

HEAL, BUT ONCE WE´VE DEBRIDE

THE NECROTIC SKIN AND THE PIECES

OF MELTED BOOT.

>> SUCKS. GUY WAS PLAYING SANTA

CLAUS FOR HIS KIDS LIKE HE DOES

EVERY YEAR, EXCEPT THIS TIME

HIS EX INCINERATES HIM COMING

DOWN THE CHIMNEY.

>> MAYBE HE SHOULD HAVE CALLED

FIRST.

>> [SCOFFS]

HE DID. THEY´RE IN THE MIDDLE OF

A DIVORCE, SO DONNY COMES RIGHT

ON TIME, STRAIGHT INTO A LIT

YULE LOG. THAT BITCH PRETENDS

SHE FORGOT HE WAS COMING.

>> CAN WE GET A LITTLE SALINE

HERE?

>> NOW EVERYONE´S SO SCREWED,

TOO.

HE PLAYED SANTA AT OUR WATER

PAIR BREAST CANCER FUNDRAISER

LAST YEAR, AND HE WAS AMAZING. I

MEAN, THE KIDS WERE JUST ALL

OVER HIM. YOU KNOW, THEY LOVED

HIM. AND HE WAS ON A HIGH FOR

LIKE MONTHS AFTERWARDS. ALL THAT

LOVIN´ COMING TO SANTA.

HEY, SEAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING

CHRISTMAS EVE?

>> WELL, THAT´S REALLY SWEET OF

YOU TO ASK, POPPY. ACTUALLY,

I´VE GOT THIS BEAUTIFUL TREE--

>> NO, I WAS JUST THINKING,

MAYBE YOU COULD PLAY SANTA.

YOU KNOW, TAKE SOME PICTURES,

HAVE SOME KIDS SIT ON YOUR LAP.

>> YOU WOULD BE SO CUTE.

>> MAYBE SOME OTHER TIME. IT´S

NOT EXACTLY WHAT I HAD IN MIND.

>> COOL. OK, WHATEVER,

MR. SCROOGE. YOU ENJOY YOUR

LITTLE PITY PARTY.

>> SORRY I´M LATE.

WHAT IS THIS, THE DYNAMIC DYKE

DUO?

>> THIS IS ONE OF POPPY´S

CLOSEST FRIENDS.

>> OH, COME ON, LIZZIE. EVEN

LESBIANS CAN ENJOY A LITTLE

LEVITY AT CHRISTMAS.

>> WELL, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU GOT

ENOUGH TO GO AROUND FOR

EVERYONE, HUH?

>> I AM REJOICING. FOR UNTO US

A CHILD HATH BEEN BORN.

>> DID I MISS SOMETHING? YOU

DON´T EVEN BELIEVE IN GOD.

>> I DO NOW. GUESS WHAT.

I INHERITED WILBER.

I KNOW, I KNOW. IT´S A LONG

STORY. I WILL EXPLAIN LATER.

BUT MY SON IS BACK.

ISN´T THAT COOL?

[CHUCKLES]

THINK HE´LL REMEMBER ME?

>> WELL, HE WAS VERY YOUNG,

CHRISTIAN.

>> YEAH, OF COURSE,

YOU´RE RIGHT. IT´S RIDICULOUS.

HE WON´T REMEMBER ME. BUT YOU

NEVER KNOW, HE MIGHT.

ANYWAY, LISTEN. I GOT TO BE OUT

OF HERE BY 3:00 BECAUSE I´VE GOT

TO GO TO THE LAWYER´S OFFICE AND

MAKE THIS WHOLE THING LEGAL.

I AM NOT LETTING ANYBODY TAKE

HIM AWAY FROM ME THIS TIME.

>> GO. WHAT ARE YOU DOING

STANDING HERE?

>> YOU´RE SURE?

I OWE YOU ONE.

[LAUGHS]

>> THAT KID IS GOING TO NEED

A SHITLOAD OF THERAPY.

>> ♫ TO MENTION

ONE LITTLE THING,

A RING... ♫

>> FINE, I´LL DO THE MALL THING.

GET ME A NEW PAIR OF BOOTS, AND

I´M IN. SANTA COULD USE A LITTLE

LOVIN´.

>> ♫ SO HURRY DOWN THE CHIMNEY

TONIGHT ♫

>> I DON´T THINK THAT YOU

UNDERSTAND THE GRAVITY OF

THE SITUATION YOU PUT ME IN.

>> MAYBE YOU´RE JUST GETTING

USED TO A COMPLETELY NEW SET OF

SENSATIONS.

>> IT´S LIKE LIVING ON A ROLLER

COASTER. FIRST COUPLE OF TIMES,

YEAH, THRILLING. AFTER A WHILE,

YOU JUST HAVE TO GET OFF.

[BUZZ]

OH, SHIT.

[BUZZ]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

OH, GOD. OHH.

OH, GODDAMN VIBRATE!

>> OH, GETTING OFF DOESN´T SEEM

TO BE A PROBLEM ANYMORE.

>> ARE YOU DRUNK?

>> NO, OF COURSE NOT.

>> YEAH, YOU WERE DRUNK WHEN YOU

GAVE ME THAT SHOT, WEREN´T YOU?

I KNEW I SMELLED IT ON YOU.

>> DON´T BE RIDICULOUS. LOOK,

I´LL GIVE YOU SOME HYILERONIDEFT

TO DECREASE THE PRESSURE. AND

THIS IS JUST NOT A PROBLEM.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

>> MRS. HICKOCK, I´M DR. TROY.

[DOOR CLOSES]

I BELIEVE YOU´RE UNHAPPY WITH

YOUR G-SPOT AMPLIFICATION.

>> YEAH, I´M UNHAPPY. BECAUSE OF

DR. McNAMARA´S DRINKING PROBLEM,

IT IS NOT SAFE FOR ME TO DRIVE

A CAR OR USE MY CLOTHES DRYER

OR, OH, MY GOD, SHOW MY FACE IN

SPIN CLASS AGAIN.

>> I´M SURE THAT DR. McNAMARA

WOULD NEVER OPERATE UNDER

THE INFLUENCE OF ALCOHOL.

>> ABSOLUTELY NOT.

>> HOWEVER, WE WOULD LIKE TO

MAKE SURE THAT YOU´RE SATISFIED.

I MEAN, PLEASED.

I´D LIKE TO REVERSE

THE PROCEDURE AND OFFER YOU SOME

COMPLIMENTARY BOTOX. THIS WHOLE

THING WOULD BE HISTORY IN

A MATTER OF MOMENTS.

>> FINE. WHATEVER. JUST...

DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO. I´VE HAD

ENOUGH ORGASMS FOR ONE LIFETIME.

AND 2 VAGINAS. YOU´RE JUST LUCKY

IT´S CHRISTMAS.

[DOOR OPENS]

>> WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK

YOU´RE DOING?

>> I DON´T KNOW WHAT YOU´RE

TALKING ABOUT.

>> MMM. YOU WANT TO LOSE YOUR

LICENSE?

>> NO.

THEN AGAIN, I DIDN´T WANT TO

LOSE MY FAMILY EITHER, BUT HERE

I AM. THIS SEEMS TO BE THE ONLY

FRIEND I CAN COUNT ON FOR

COMFORT.

>> I DIDN´T REALIZE YOU WERE IN

SUCH A BAD STATE.

>> BECAUSE YOU LIVE IN A REMOTE

LITTLE COUNTRY CALLED

CHRISTIANLAND.

I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE FOR YOU.

YOU JUST LOST YOUR WIFE AND

KIDS, I WOULDN´T BE FLYING TO

MOSCOW WITH MY FIANCEE OVER

CHRISTMAS ON AN IMPULSE.

>> WE´RE NOT GOING ANYMORE.

WE´RE STAYING PUT WITH WILBER.

LOOK, IT´S ALL SO NEW, YOU KNOW.

WE NEED TO STAY TOGETHER AS

A FAMILY, TO BOND. YOU KNOW WHAT

IT´S LIKE.

>> YEAH, I KNOW WHAT IT´S LIKE.

I HAD A FAMILY ONCE. YOU WERE

PART OF IT. PRETTY STUPID OF ME

TO THINK I´D BE A PART OF YOURS.

[DOOR OPENS]

>> [MUTTERS]

[EXHALES]

[CLEARS THROAT]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

COME IN.

>> HIS BAGS ARE IN THE LOBBY.

>> WOW.

LOOK AT YOU, YOU´RE SUCH A BIG

BOY.

YOU PROBABLY DON´T REMEMBER ME,

BUT...I REMEMBER YOU WAY BACK

WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, TEENY,

TEENY LITTLE BABY.

>> DADDY.

>> OH. YES, I AM YOUR DADDY.

AND WE´RE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN

TOGETHER. DID YOU KNOW THAT?

I´M GONNA TAKE REALLY GOOD CARE

OF YOU, I PROMISE.

[SNIFFLES]

I LOVE YOU.

>> ♫ CHRISTMAS, CHRISTMAS... ♫

>> HEY. HANG ON. SANTA WILL BE

OUT IN JUST A MINUTE, OK?

[CHILDREN CHATTERING]

>> OK, WHERE THE HELL IS SEAN?

[INDISTINCT] MERRY CHRISTMAS.

THANK YOU.

>> MARY--MARY, COME HERE.

TELL SANTA TO STOP FEEDING HIS

REINDEER AND GET HIS JOLLY ASS

OUT HERE. HI!

>> GOT IT.

>> POPPY SAYS YOUR BREAK´S UP.

>> OH.

HEY, YOU, UH, YOU KNOW MARLO?

>> MARLO? WHICH ELF IS HE?

>> HE WAS MY WIFE´S ELF. THOUGHT

MAYBE YOU ALL KNEW EACH OTHER.

>> WHOA--HA HA HA.

LOOKS LIKE SANTA NEEDS A LITTLE

HAND.

>> YOU, UH, A FRIEND OF POPPY´S?

YOU KNOW, LESBIAN?

>> [CHUCKLES]

I´VE BEEN KNOWN TO DABBLE.

BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN, SANTA´S

HELPER ENJOYS A GOOD NORTH POLE,

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

>> WHY, YOU LITTLE HO HO HO.

[BOTH LAUGH]

>> WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR

CHRISTMAS?

>> I WANT A GT FULL SUSPENSION

MOUNTAIN BIKE WITH THE NEW

HYDROFORM DOWNTUBE AND A ZERO

STACK HEAD ZOOM.

>> WHY, SO YOU CAN CRACK YOUR

HEAD WIDE OPEN GOING DOWNHILL AT

BREAK-NECK SPEED?

WON´T FEEL LIKE SUCH A BIG MAN

THEN, WILL YOU?

>> AND I WANT A BIG CHOCOLATE

CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE BUNNIES AND

A WHOLE HOUSE MADE OF CHOCOLATE,

CHOCOLATE CHIP.

>> GREAT. YOU WANT SANTA TO

BRING YOU DIABETES, IS THAT IT?

IS YOUR MOM SINGLE? OH, SHE´S

GOT NICE TITS.

I EVEN BOUGHT HER THIS BEAUTIFUL

NECKLACE. IT WAS THIS LITTLE RED

CRYSTAL HEART.

I´LL BET SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE

A REAL PRINCESS IN IT. DO YOU

THINK SHE´LL LIKE IT?

>> OK, OK. UM, YOU KNOW, SANTA´S

A LITTLE SAD TODAY. IT´S OK. ONE

OF HIS REINDEER DIED. OK, SO RUN

ALONG.

>> THANK YOU, LIZ. YOU WERE

RIGHT. I´M SO GLAD I DID THIS.

´CAUSE EVERYBODY LOVES SANTA.

>> WE´RE ACTUALLY LOSING MONEY

ON THESE PHOTOS. SANTA IS

FREAKING THESE KIDS OUT.

>> IT´S WAVES OF LOVE.

>> YOU WANT A LATTE?

>> A LATTE? YEAH, THAT´D BE

GREAT. SANTA COULD DEFINITELY

USE A...A LITTLE BEVERAGE.

>> OK. OOH, YOU WANT A LITTLE

HELP TO THE WORKSHOP?

>> I GOT IT.

>> OK. IT´S OK.

>> I JUST--I´M JUST A LITTLE

TIRED.

>> I KNOW, SWEETHEART. I KNOW.

SANTA´S HAD--

>> IT´S TOO MUCH LOVE.

>> DON´T FORGET, THIS IS NOT

THE REAL SANTA, OK? THIS ONE´S

JUST PRETEND, SO THERE´S NO NEED

TO GET SCARED. IT´S JUST

UNCLE SEAN DRESSED UP LIKE

SANTA.

>> OH, MY GOD, CHRISTIAN. HE IS

SO CUTE. WILBER, YOU ARE

ADORABLE. I AM YOUR AUNTIE LIZ

AND THIS IS YOUR AUNTIE POPPY.

AND ISN´T HE ADORABLE?

>> HE IS CUTE. DON´T GET ANY

IDEAS.

>> WELL, WE CAME TO SEE SANTA.

RIGHT? DIDN´T WE?

AND DO A LITTLE SHOPPING.

>> UH, YEAH. WARNING ON SANTA,

HE´S A LITTLE OVERWHELMED RIGHT

NOW. I THINK IT´S A LITTLE BIT

TOO MUCH WITH ALL THE, UM,

THE STUFF WITH JULIA AND

EVERYTHING. AND, UM, YOU KNOW,

SANTA IS IN HIS WORKSHOP AND

HE´S--HE´S RESTING.

>> OH! DID YOU HEAR THAT? SANTA

IS IN HIS WORKSHOP. DO YOU WANT

TO GO SEE IF HE´S MAKING TOYS?

YEAH?

>> ♫ OH, WHAT A LAUGH

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN

IF DADDY HAD ONLY SEEN

MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS

LAST NIGHT,

MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS

LAST NIGHT ♫

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

>> GETTING A SUN TAN.

I COME AT NIGHT WHEN IT´S NOT SO

CROWDED.

>> YOU DON´T BELONG HERE.

>> I DON´T BELONG ANYWHERE

ANYMORE. IT´S WHY I´M HERE.

RIGHT ACROSS FROM MY OFFICE.

HEY, YOU SHOULD GET THAT LOOKED

AT, IT COULD GET INFECTED.

>> MY H.M.O. DOESN´T COVER BUM

FIGHTS.

>> GOT IN A FIGHT?

>> YEAH. GOT PAID 20 BUCKS. IT´S

A VILLAGE SPORT. GET A COUPLE OF

ASSHOLES DESPERATE ENOUGH TO

KILL EACH OTHER, LET ´EM GO AT

IT. I FIGURED I COULD GET SOME

MONEY TO BUY MY DAUGHTER A

CHRISTMAS PRESENT. DAMN FOSTER

PARENTS SPENT ALL THEIR MONEY ON

THEIR OWN KIDS.

>> WHAT´S HER NAME?

>> LUCY.

SHE HASN´T HAD A DECENT

CHRISTMAS SINCE HER MAMA DIED.

WHAT THE HELL, ALL THE STORES

ARE CLOSED ANYWAY. I´LL DO LIKE

YOU SAID, JUST USE IT TO GET ME

SOME JACK FOR ANOTHER DAY.

>> WANT SOME?

GO ON.

>> [SIGHS]

>> HEY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU

DOING?

>> WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

>> PAIN´S PAIN, REMEMBER?

>> YOU WANT TO COME DOWN HERE IN

THE HOLE WITH ME? ´CAUSE RIGHT

NOW YOU´RE JUST CIRCLING THE

RIM. IF YOU FALL DOWN, YOU´LL

FIND THE WALLS ARE SO STEEP

YOU´LL NEVER GET OUT.

>> THAT´S WHERE I WANT TO BE.

WHERE IT´S SO DARK NO ONE KNOWS

WHO YOU ARE OR WHAT YOU´VE

BECOME.

>> I KNOW. YOU´RE JUST GOING

THROUGH THE DARK NIGHT AND SOUL.

BUT YOU´VE STILL GOT LIGHT IN

YOU. YOU GOT TO HANG ON TO THAT.

>> YOUR NOSE LOOKS BROKEN.

YOU COULD USE SOME STITCHES.

MY OFFICE IS NOT FAR.

>> [CHUCKLES]

>> ALL RIGHT.

I THINK YOU´RE GOOD TO GO.

>> WHAT ABOUT YOU?

>> I THINK I´M GOOD TO GO, TOO.

>> ALL RIGHT, THEN.

>> YOU KNOW, THERE´S ONLY ONE

OTHER PATIENT IN RECOVERY.

WHY DON´T YOU STAY HERE TONIGHT?

WARM BED, QUIET. YOU COULD TAKE

A SHOWER IN THE MORNING.

>> CLEAN SHEETS. THAT´S BEEN

A WHILE.

>> LOOK, I DON´T KNOW WHAT YOUR

PLANS ARE TOMORROW, BUT IF YOU´D

LIKE TO STOP BY MY PLACE, HAVE

A BITE TO EAT.

[CLICKS PEN]

THIS IS MY ADDRESS.

I´LL GIVE YOU A COUPLE OF SUITS,

IF YOU DON´T MIND BROWN BROOKS

BROTHERS.

>> BEGGARS CAN´T BE CHOOSERS.

>> YOU´RE NOT A BEGGAR.

>> YOU´RE NOT AN ASSHOLE.

HEY, DOC.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

>> MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU, TOO.

>> COOL, HUH? THAT´S IT. YOU

JUST--YOU PUT IT ON THERE AND

THEN IT´S HANGING.

THERE SHE IS.

[WHISPERING] Let´s go say hello

to a friend. Come on.

COME ON OVER. COME ON.

>> HI. YOU MUST BE WILBER. IT´S

REALLY NICE TO MEET YOU. I´M

MICHELLE.

[LAUGHS]

AND THAT IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL

TREE I HAVE EVER SEEN. EVER.

CAN I HELP YOU FINISH DECORATING

IT?

>> LET´S GO SHOW HER HOW TO

DECORATE THE TREE, SHALL WE?

GIVE ME A KISS. MWAH. OK, COME

ON. LET´S SHOW HER. PUT IT UP ON

THE TREE. THERE YOU GO.

MMM.

OK.

LET´S SHOW HER EXACTLY HOW TO DO

THIS ´CAUSE I´M SURE SHE CAN´T

REMEMBER.

LET´S PUT IT ON THE TREE.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[RING]

>> HELLO.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

>> [GRUNTING]

AAH!

>> NEED ANYTHING BEFORE I GO?

>> AAH!

I...I THOUGHT THE PLACE WAS

DESERTED.

>> I´M SOLO ON CHRISTMAS EVE,

TOO.

THERE´S A GUY IN RECOVERY. I

DON´T KNOW IF YOU´RE UP TO IT,

BUT HE COULD CERTAINLY USE A

FRIEND.

>> YES, WELL, WE ALL COULD.

>> GOOD NIGHT.

>> NIGHT.

IT´S AWFUL BEING ALONE ON

CHRISTMAS EVE, ISN´T IT?

I BROUGHT A DRINK.

>> I´M ON THE WAGON.

>> ON CHRISTMAS EVE? NONSENSE.

IT´S A 1991 PHILIP BRUNOX.

[POURING]

[SIGHS]

IT´S PERFECTION.

IT MAKES LIFE WORTH LIVING.

TAKES THE STING OUT OF BEING

AWAY FROM ONE´S FAMILY AND ONE´S

FRIENDS.

>> I DON´T HAVE ANY.

>> NO?

>> EXCEPT MY DAUGHTER. FAR AS

SHE´S CONCERNED, I´M DEAD.

>> THAT IS SO SAD.

WELL, WE´LL BE EACH OTHER´S

FAMILY THIS CHRISTMAS EVE.

SHALL WE?

AFTER ALL, WE ARE ALONE. JUST

THE TWO OF US. EVEN THE NIGHT

NURSE IS GONE. I´M JAMES.

>> THAT´S A MAN´S NAME.

>> IN FRENCH, J´AIME MEANS, "I

LOVE."

>> REEFER.

>> [LAUGHS]

WELL, THAT´S THE SAME IN ANY

LANGUAGE, ISN´T IT?

IT´S ABSOLUTELY HEAVENLY.

[LAUGHING]

BUBBLES GOING INTO MY HEAD.

REEFER, WOULDN´T YOU LIKE TO

JOIN ME? I FEEL PATHETIC

DRINKING ALONE.

>> JUST A LITTLE.

>> YES.

[GLASS CLANKS]

[POURING]

ISN´T CHAMPAGNE POSITIVELY

MAGIC?

ONE GLASS AND ALL YOUR TROUBLES

VANISH INTO THIN AIR.

CHEERS.

♫ GOD REST YE MERRY GENTLEMAN,

LET NOTHING YOU DISMAY ♫

Both: ♫ REMEMBER CHRIST

OUR SAVIOR

WAS BORN ON CHRISTMAS DAY ♫

>> ♫ TO SAVE US ALL

FROM SATAN´S POWER

WHEN WE HAVE GONE ASTRAY,

OH, TIDINGS OF COMFORT AND JOY,

COMFORT AND JOY,

OH, TIDINGS OF COMFORT

AND JOY ♫

>> WHY DIDN´T YOU TELL ME HE WAS

BLACK?

>> JUST NOT SOMETHING I EVER

THOUGHT ABOUT. ALL I SEE WHEN I

LOOK AT HIM IS HIM.

>> HE´S LIKE A LITTLE ANGEL COME

TO US AT CHRISTMAS.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[RING]

ONE OF BURT´S PLANT MANAGERS.

HELLO?

I´LL BE RIGHT THERE.

[WILBER BABBLES]

A PIPE BURST IN ONE OF BURT´S

MEDICAL SUPPLY PLANTS.

>> IT´S CHRISTMAS EVE. WE´RE

JUST ABOUT TO EAT.

>> I KNOW. I WON´T BE LONG.

I´LL CALL YOU ON MY WAY BACK.

MMM-MMM.

[LITTLE DRUMMER BOY PLAYING]

>> ♫ COME, THEY TOLD ME,

PARUM PUM PUM PUM,

A NEW BORN KING... ♫

>> OH, MY GOD.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

>> SUCH SHOCK. SURELY IN MED

SCHOOL YOU MUST HAVE ENCOUNTERED

A CADAVER OR TWO.

>> WHAT KIND OF MONSTER ARE YOU?

THIS WAS A HUMAN BEING.

>> HE HAD NO FAMILY OR FRIENDS.

HIS ONLY SKILL WAS DRINKING.

AT LEAST WE GAVE HIM

AN OPPORTUNITY TO CONTRIBUTE

SOMETHING TO SOCIETY.

AND CONTRIBUTE HE DID. DEANNA

MADE A PRETTY CLEAN SWEEP OFF

HIM. OF COURSE, HIS LIVER WAS

USELESS. SHE SNUCK THEM OUT IN A

GUCCI TRAVEL BAG. LITTLE

CHRISTMAS PRESENT FOR ME.

>> WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?

>> CLEAN UP, DARLING. GARBAGE

DISPOSAL. OR WOULD YOU PREFER

THAT I LEFT HIM THERE ON THE

TABLE FOR THE F.B.I. TO DISCOVER

IN THE MORNING?

>> I CAN´T.

I CAN´T DO THIS ANYMORE, JAMES.

I CAN´T. PLEASE.

>> IMAGINE TRYING TO EXPLAIN

THIS TO YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND. IT

WOULD RUIN EVERYTHING YOU´VE

WORKED FOR. GUESS WHAT. I

COULDN´T DO THAT TO YOU. NOT ON

CHRISTMAS.

>> [SIGHS]

AFTER I CUT HIM UP, HOW DO YOU

SUPPOSE WE GET HIM OUT OF HERE

UNNOTICED?

THERE ARE AGENTS SURROUNDING

THE BUILDING.

>> DO YOUR WORK, DARLING, AND

I´LL ATTEND TO THE DETAILS.

>> ♫ PARUM PUM PUM PUM,

PARUM PUM PUM PUM,

SHALL I PLAY FOR YOU,

PARUM PUM PUM PUM,

ON MY DRUM? ♫

>> MRS. LANDAU?

>> AGENT CRAFT.

>> FRIEND OF YOURS?

>> SHE´S THE PATIENT. WAS. UM,

SHE´S BEEN DISCHARGED FOR

CHRISTMAS. WE´RE DOING VOLUNTEER

WORK TOGETHER.

>> NEED SOME HELP WITH THAT?

>> NO, NO. CAN MANAGE. TOYS.

DELIVERING THEM TO

THE CHILDREN´S HOSPITAL.

PASS THEM AROUND.

>> THAT´S NICE. THINKING OF

OTHERS ON CHRISTMAS EVE.

>> WELL.

>> THANKS FOR KEEPING AN EYE ON

THE PLACE. IT FEELS GOOD TO KNOW

THAT YOU´RE HERE. GOOD NIGHT.

>> GOOD NIGHT.

>> GOOD NIGHT.

>> ♫ COME, THEY TOLD ME,

PARUM PUM PUM PUM,

A NEW BORN KING TO SEE,

PARUM PUM PUM PUM,

OUR FINEST GIFTS WE BRING,

PARUM PUM PUM PUM,

TO LAY BEFORE THE KING,

PARUM PUM PUM PUM,

RUM PUM PUM PUM,

RUM PUM PUM PUM,

SO TO HONOR HIM,

WHEN WE COME... ♫

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

>> HEY.

>> HEY.

>> WILBER WANTED TO SPEND

CHRISTMAS WITH HIS UNCLE SEAN,

AND I WANTED TO CHECK UP ON

SANTA. I WAS WORRIED ABOUT HIM.

>> [SIGHS]

WHAT HAPPENED TO MICHELLE? COME

DOWN WITH THE FLU OR SOMETHING?

>> A PIPE AT ONE OF BURT´S

PLANTS BURST. THAT´S THE PRICE

YOU PAY FOR BEING IN LOVE WITH

A BUSINESSWOMAN, I GUESS.

[CHUCKLES]

RIGHT?

>> WELL, I´VE GOT SOME CHRISTMAS

CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP COOKING. OR

WE COULD ORDER OUT.

>> CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP. CHICKEN

NOODLE SOUP. WE LOVE CHICKEN

NOODLE SOUP. DO YOU LIKE CHICKEN

NOODLE SOUP?

DO YOU LIKE CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP?

YOU LIKE IT? YEAH, WE LIKE

CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP.

>> HEY, YOU WANT TO HELP ME

FINISH DECORATING THE TREE?

YEAH? COME HERE. ALL RIGHT, IT´S

RIGHT IN HERE.

>> CAN I COME, TOO?

>> YEAH, YOU CAN COME.

SEE THERE?

GOT THIS. YOU HOLD IT BY

A STRING, YOU PUT IT AS HIGH AS

YOU CAN, OK?

HERE. JUST GOT TO PICK THE RIGHT

BRANCH.

THAT WAS HIGH.

[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL

CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

--www.ncicap.org]