Original subtitles

>> SO YOU´D LIKE SOME

LIPOSUCTION, MRS. BUDGE.

>> WHATEVER IT COSTS, I CAN

AFFORD IT.

NAME ME A PRICE, SEXY MAN.

YOU GOT ANY MAC AND CHEESE--

>> ZIP IT, DAWN.

>> WHAT´S THE MATTER WITH ME?

>> YOUR KIDNEY´S BEEN SURGICALLY

REMOVED.

>> THIS IS A HOT CAR, MATT.

BUT NOT AS HOT AS YOU.

>> BURT CAN´T FIND OUT

ABOUT THIS.

>> I SMELLED IT ON YOU, HONEY.

I WILL RUIN YOU BOTH BEFORE I

GIVE MY BLESSING SO YOU CAN RUN

AWAY AND PLAY HAPPY EVER AFTER.

Christian: WHERE DO YOU FIND

THESE PEOPLE, SEAN?

IS THERE SOME KIND OF CRAIG´S

LIST FOR THE UGLY AND

UNEMPLOYED?

>> OUR CONTRACT WITH THE LANDAUS

ALLOWS US 4 PRO-BONOS EVERY

MONTH. I PLAN ON

MEETING THAT QUOTA.

>> FREE SURGERY IS LIKE SEX

WITHOUT AN ORGASM.

>> UNLESS, OF COURSE, THE

PATIENT´S NAME IS BLUE MONDAY,

IN WHICH CASE THE FREE SURGERY

FOLLOWS AN ORGASM.

>> [SIGHS] IS IT HOT IN HERE?

>> NO.

YOU ALL RIGHT?

>> I HAD STREP THROAT A COUPLE

WEEKS AGO.

I GUESS I HAVEN´T KICKED IT.

[SIGHS]

>> HAD A GREAT RUN, CHRISTIAN,

IT´S TIME TO GIVE BACK.

>> I DO GIVE BACK, AS MUCH AS MY

ACCOUNTANT SAYS I HAVE TO.

>> CHARITY ISN´T AN ISSUE OF

YOUR ACCOUNT, IT´S AN ISSUE OF

CONSCIENCE. AM I RIGHT?

>> GO BACK TO WORK.

IT´S RIDICULOUS.

I HAVE A GARDEN VARIETY CASE OF

STREP THROAT.

>> DOCTORS, CAN DR. CRUZ

AND I HAVE SOME PRIVACY?

>> NO, IT´S OK, IT´S OK,

THEY CAN STAY.

>> YOU´VE DEVELOPED ACUTE

GLOMERULAR NEPHRITIS.

IT´S NOT UNCOMMON AFTER A BOUT

OF STREP.

>> WHAT´S HER FILTRATION RATE?

>> SHE ONLY HAS ABOUT 10% LEFT.

SHE´S GOING TO NEED A NEW KIDNEY

TO REPLACE HER REMAINING ONE.

[MONITORS BEEP]

>> I´M GONNA RECOMMEND THAT YOU

BEGIN DIALYSIS IMMEDIATELY.

>> DIALYSIS TAKES 6 HOURS A DAY,

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK?

>> I´VE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF

PLACING YOU ON THE NATIONAL

DONOR LIST. YOU WERE OFFICIALLY

62,342 IN LINE.

>> THAT LIST IS BULLSHIT.

PEOPLE WAIT YEARS FOR ONE OF

THOSE ORGANS.

>> DO YOU HAVE ANY FAMILY THAT

MIGHT BE WILLING TO VOLUNTEER AS

A DONOR?

>> MY ONLY LIVING RELATIVE

IS MY MOTHER, AND WHEN MY FATHER

DIED LAST YEAR, SHE BANNED ME

FROM THE FUNERAL.

AS FAR AS SHE´S CONCERNED, MY

BEING GAY IS WHAT KILLED HIM,

SO I DON´T THINK THAT SHE´S

GOING TO BE OFFERING UP

A KIDNEY ANYTIME SOON.

>> SEAN AND I WILL GET TESTED.

>> YOU WOULD DO THAT FOR ME?

>> JESUS, LIZ, OF COURSE.

YOU´RE FAMILY. RIGHT, SEAN?

>> OF COURSE.

>> [CRYING]

[MUSIC BEGINS]

♫ AHH...

MAKE ME...

BEAUTIFUL...

MAKE ME...

A PERFECT SOUL,

A PERFECT MIND,

A PERFECT FACE,

A PERFECT...

LIE ♫

[BOTH MOANING]

>> CHRISTIAN!

IT´S NOT YOUR FACE I WANT TO

SEE, IT´S HERS.

>> SCREW THIS.

>> CHRISTIAN, WAIT!

>> WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU´RE

GOING?

>> I´M DONE PLAYING DILDO.

>> MAYBE YOU´RE DONE PLAYING

DOCTOR, CHRISSY.

YOU WALK OUT THAT DOOR, AND I´M

GONNA CHOP THAT LITTLE FLESH

SHOP OF YOURS INTO FISH BAIT.

>> YOU CAN HAVE IT. AND HER.

HOPEFULLY ONE OF THEM WILL GET

YOU A HARD-ON.

YOU´RE DONE PLAYING WITH MY

10-INCH DICK.

>> CHRISTIAN...

CHRISTIAN!

DON´T GO!

>> HOW CAN YOU BE WITH A MAN

WHO TREATS YOU THAT WAY?

WHY DO YOU STAY? FOR THE MONEY?

>> WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

I LOSE EVERYTHING IF I LEAVE.

I WON´T GO BACK TO THAT HOLE

I WAS IN BEFORE I MET BURT.

>> WHAT HOLE, HOOKING?

DOESN´T SEEM LIKE YOU EVER

STOPPED.

I´M SORRY.

>> NO!

>> COME WITH ME. COME WITH ME.

COME WITH ME NOW. COME WITH ME.

>> NO. I WON´T BELONG TO

ANOTHER MAN.

BURT...BOUGHT MY MOTHER A HOUSE.

HE GAVE MY SISTERS JOBS.

THIS ISN´T ONLY ABOUT ME.

WE HAVE TO BE SMART, CHRISTIAN.

PLEASE. DON´T MAKE ANY WAVES.

I CAN GET US OUT OF THIS.

>> TELL YOUR HUSBAND HE CAN FIRE

ME. I´M NOBODY´S WHORE.

[STARTS ENGINE]

[TIRES SQUEAL]

>> WHAT CAN WE DO FOR YOU, DAWN?

MORE LIPO?

>> HMMPH.

GOD KNOWS I COULD USE IT.

IN THE PAST 6 HOURS I HAVE

CONSUMED MORE FRY HOPPERS

THAN A FRENCH WHORE DURING

THE NAZI OCCUPATION.

THOSE COOKIES AND THE OXYCONTIN

ARE THE ONLY THING KEEPIN´ ME

FROM PASSIN´ OUT RIGHT HERE

FROM PAIN.

>> PAIN?

>> I WAS EAR-JACKED.

>> CARJACKED?

>> EAR-JACKED!

JESUS! I GOT ONE EAR,

I CAN HEAR BETTER THAN YOU.

[SIGHS]

AFTER DWIGHT LEFT ME FOR

MALLORY, I WENT ON A 4-WEEK FAST

FOOD BENDER. ARBYS, K.F.C.

I EVEN BOUGHT A POPEYE´S

FRANCHISE FOR GOOD MEASURE.

WELL, AFTER THOUSANDS OF GRAMS

OF SATURATED FAT FAILED TO MEND

MY BROKEN HEART, I DROVE ON DOWN

TO BOCA...

[CAMERA SNAPPING]

PICKED MYSELF UP A GORGEOUS PAIR

OF HONKIN´ EARRINGS.

FIRST MISTAKE I MADE?

WEARIN´ THEM IN PUBLIC.

[VROOM VROOM]

[SCREAMING]

>> AHHH!

[CAMERA SNAPPING]

>> SO WHAT´S IT GONNA COST ME,

DOC, FOR THE NEW EAR?

>> WELL, MRS. BUDGE--

>> MISS. I´M SINGLE NOW.

>> OH. MISS BUDGE,

WE CAN REBUILD THE

EAR USING CARTILAGE AND FATTY

TISSUE FROM OTHER PARTS OF YOUR

BODY.

>> GOD KNOWS YOU GOT PLENTY.

>> ZIP IT, PRETTY BOY.

WHAT´S OPTION 2?

>> WE CAN ATTACH AN

ARTIFICIAL EAR.

MADE OUT OF SILICONE.

>> WHAT AM I, PLASTIC MAN?

I´LL LOOK LIKE A MANNEQUIN AT

LANE BRYANT.

THIS EAR HAS TO BE PERFECT.

NOW THAT I AM OPRAH-RICH AND

BACK ON THE DATING SCENE, I PLAN

ON NABBIN´ MY OWN STEDMAN WITHIN

ONE YEAR.

>> THERE IS ONE OTHER

POSSIBILITY.

IT´S FAIRLY NEW TECHNOLOGY AND

IT WON´T BE CHEAP.

>> SWEETIE, I WIPE MY ASS WITH

$100 BILLS.

>> ALL RIGHT.

THEN WE´LL MAKE AN APPOINTMENT

AT THE GENETICS LAB.

>> UH-HUH.

>> GENETICS LAB?

>> THAT´S WHERE THEY´RE GONNA

GROW YOU A NEW EAR.

>> OH...

GOD!

THAT´S INCREDIBLE.

OH...

DEEPER.

AHHH!

OH, THAT´S GOOD.

OH...

>> OH...

I CAN´T TELL THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN THE KNOTS AND THE

MUSCLES.

YOU´RE LIKE THIS MASS OF

SCULPTED STEEL.

>> OH, YOU´RE TOO SWEET.

IT´S PILATES.

WILL YOU GET MY LOWER BACK?

>> YEAH.

>> OH...

YEAH.

[SIGHS]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

>> WELL...I´M SORRY.

IT´S JUST, YOU WERE MOANING...

>> WE´RE FRIENDS, MATT.

I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU.

>> LOOK, KIMBER,

I´M SORRY, BUT I LIKE YOU.

I GUESS YOU HAVE THAT EFFECT

ON THE MEN IN MY FAMILY.

>> AND YOU THOUGHT THAT BECAUSE

I HAD RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOUR

DADS THAT I WAS JUST GONNA SCREW

YOU, TOO?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT

THAN THEY WERE, MATT.

>> YEAH, I AM.

I´M SPIRITUAL.

I JUST SPENT THE LAST MONTH

PICKING UP SHIT IN FRONT

OF CHURCH BUILDINGS,

FOR CHRIST SAKE.

>> DID YOU DO THAT FOR YOUR

GROWTH OR TO IMPRESS ME?

[SIGHS]

>> OK...

GET OUT.

I DON´T FEEL SAFE WITH YOU HERE

ANYMORE. GO.

>> OK.

>> YOU´RE NOT A MATCH.

>> HOW CLOSE WAS I?

>> YOU´RE A 5 OUT OF 6,

THAT´S ALMOST A PERFECT MATCH.

WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF AS

PROMISCUOUS, DOCTOR?

YOUR BLOOD TESTED HIGH FOR AN

ANTIBODY THAT ONLY APPEARS IN

PEOPLE WITH AN UNUSUALLY HIGH

NUMBER OF SEXUAL PARTNERS.

>> SO I CAN´T GIVE LIZ A KIDNEY

BECAUSE I´VE HAD TOO MUCH SEX?

THERE´S IRONY FOR YOU.

>> YOU´RE DISAPPOINTED.

[SCOFFS]

>> I FIXED A NUMBER OF

NEPHRECTOMY SCARS.

IT´S ALMOST TO IMPOSSIBLE TO

REGAIN MUSCLE DEFINITION

IN THE AFFECTED AREAS.

THERE ARE OTHER POSSIBLE

COMPLICATIONS.

INCONTINENCE, INFECTION,

CLOTTING.

>> YOU ARE AWARE

THAT THE RESULTS ARE

STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL?

I´M ONLY OBLIGATED TO REVEAL

THE FINDINGS TO THE DONOR.

>> ARE YOU SAYING YOU´LL

LIE FOR ME?

>> I´M SAYING IT´S MY

RESPONSIBILITY TO TEST YOU,

BUT IT´S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO

INFORM ANY INTERESTED PARTIES

THAT YOU´RE A MATCH.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

>> MR. LANDAU´S HERE TO SEE YOU.

SAYS IT´S URGENT.

>> EXCUSE ME.

>> YES.

>> ARE YOU A MATCH?

>> NO, ARE YOU?

>> NO. ANY OTHER IDEAS HOW WE

CAN HELP HER?

>> WELL, YOU CAN GET MEDICAL

MARIJUANA AND RUSSIAN BRIDES

OVER THE INTERNET THESE DAYS,

I´M SURE WE CAN FIND OURSELVES

A KIDNEY.

>> DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT

THIS COME TO JESUS MEETING WITH

BURT IS ALL ABOUT?

>> YEAH, WE´RE GONNA GET FIRED.

HE FOUND OUT ABOUT MICHELLE AND

I, AND HE SAID IF WE DIDN´T

SCREW IN FRONT OF HIM, THEN HE

WOULD TEAR THE BUSINESS APART.

TURNS OUT THE OLD BIRD IS A

KINKY BASTARD.

>> JESUS, CHRISTIAN.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN IF ANYTHING

WAS GONNA BRING THIS PLACE TO

ITS KNEES,

IT WOULD BE YOUR DICK.

>> [CHUCKLES]

>> THINK YOU CAN GET US OUT OF

THIS?

>> NOT UNLESS YOU GOT A 12 GAUGE

AND A BUNCH OF HAMS.

>> IT HAPPENED 2 NIGHTS AGO.

THE DOCTOR SAID IT WAS AN

ISCHEMIC STROKE.

>> WERE YOU STRAINING?

A BOWEL MOVEMENT?

>> WE WERE HAVING SEX.

WE MADE IT TO THE HOSPITAL

WITHIN HALF AN HOUR.

THEY TOLD US THE CLOT HAD

DISSIPATED.

>> SORRY, BUT IF THE CLOT IS

FULLY DISSOLVED AND HE´S ALREADY

ON THE ANTI-COAGULANTS, WHAT DO

YOU WANT US TO DO?

>> [SLOWLY] YOU´RE MY PLASTIC

SURGEON.

FIX MY GODDAMN FACE.

>> WHERE IS DR. TROY?

THIS IS TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE.

>> HE´S CARING FOR A SICK

ASSOCIATE.

>> OH! NO NEED TO LIE.

THE MAN IS TERRIFIED OF OUR

SEXUAL CHEMISTRY.

I GET IT.

[TAPPING ON MICROPHONE]

>> HERE IT IS.

ISN´T HE BEAUTIFUL?

WE CALL HIM VINCENT.

>> AFTER THE 19th CENTURY

PAINTER VINCENT VAN GOGH,

WHO´S INFAMOUS FOR CUTTING OFF

HIS EAR.

>> THANKS, SISTER WENDY.

I JUST BOUGHT ONE OF HIS

PAINTINGS. I GOT IT HANGING

IN MY BATHROOM.

EVERY TIME I TAKE A DUMP NOW, I

FEEL ARTISTIC.

SO, DOC, WHAT´D YOU DO? SHAVE

THE POOR THING DOWN?

>> IT´S A NUDE MOUSE.

>> IT´S GENETICALLY ALTERED

TO BE BORN WITHOUT A THYMUS

GLAND.

IT HAS LIMITED T-CELLS, WHICH

MEANS IT CAN´T FIGHT OFF

INFECTIONS.

>> IT ALSO MEANS HE´S LESS

LIKELY TO REJECT DONATED TISSUE.

>> MMM.

DOES IT HURT WHEN YOU SEW THAT

THING ON HIM?

>> NO.

WE IMPLANT A TINY EAR-SHAPED

SCAFFOLD, FILLED WITH DONOR

TISSUE INTO OUR GUY´S BACK.

HIS BLOOD NOURISHES THE GROWING

CELLS, AND IN ABOUT 6 WEEKS, YOU

HAVE AN EAR.

>> I FORWARDED DR. KAPLAR YOUR

BLOOD WORK, SO HE PICKED THIS

MOUSE BASED ON THE RESULTS.

YOU´LL ALSO BE GIVEN A HEAVY

DOSE OF ANTI-REJECTION DRUGS

TO AID THE PROCESS.

>> EVEN THEN, THERE´S STILL

A 20% CHANCE THAT YOUR BODY WILL

REJECT THE TISSUE.

>> FINE. WRAP IT UP.

AND LET ME TELL YOU, THE CAGE

BETTER BE INCLUDED IN THE PRICE.

>> YOU CAN´T TAKE THE MOUSE

WITH YOU.

>> I USED TO RAISE FERRETS IN

THE BACK OF MY TRAILER. I KNOW

HOW TO CARE FOR A RODENT.

>> THIS MOUSE HAS NO IMMUNE

SYSTEM, SO IT MIGHT NOT SURVIVE

OUTSIDE OF A STERILE

ENVIRONMENT.

>> I´LL HAVE MARGO COME TWICE

A DAY. SHE´S MY CLEANING WOMAN.

DOESN´T SPEAK A WORD OF ENGLISH,

BUT LET ME TELL YA, SHE CAN

LIMPIE MI CASA MUY BUENO.

>> I THINK MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO

SOMEWHERE ELSE.

>> OH, OH, OH, OH. ALL RIGHT.

FINE, VINNY STAYS.

BUT I NEED TO HOLD HIM.

I WANT TO BOND WITH MY EAR.

>> OH, OH!

ISN´T HE ADORABLE?

AH! I ALWAYS HAD A THING FOR

BALDIES. LOOK! LOOK AT HIM!

OH, GOSH.

OH, TO THINK WHAT THIS LITTLE

GUY IS GONNA GO THROUGH, JUST SO

I CAN WEAR A PAIR OF SUNGLASSES

AGAIN.

>> HEH.

WE LIKE TO THINK THAT WE´RE

CREATING LIFE OF THE NOBLEST

FORM DEDICATED SOLELY TO MAKING

OTHERS WELL.

>> JUST LIKE YOU, DOC.

>> THANKS, VINNY.

>> HE CAN´T HEAR YOU

THROUGH THAT.

>> OH.

[WOMAN TALKING ON P.A.]

[DOOR SLAMS]

[INDISTINCT TALKING]

[LAUGHTER]

>> HEY, LIZ.

>> HEY.

>> THESE ARE FOR YOU.

>> AWW, THANK YOU, HONEY. MMM.

MMM. OK. HE´S HERE.

YOU GUYS GONNA TELL ME NOW?

WHICH ONE´S GOING UNDER THE

KNIFE SO I CAN GET OUT OF HERE?

>> I´M SORRY, LIZ. NEITHER ONE

OF US IS A MATCH.

>> SEAN AND I WENT TO SCHOOL

WITH SOME PEOPLE FROM

THE AMERICAN KIDNEY FOUNDATION.

WE´LL TRY AND GET YOU BUMPED UP

THE LIST.

>> SO SOMEONE WHO´S BEEN

WAITING LONGER GETS SCREWED

OVER TO SAVE ME?

OH, NO. I WOULDN´T BE ABLE

TO LIVE WITH MYSELF.

>> LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, HMM?

THEY´RE GONNA SUCK A POUND OF

LIQUID OUT OF YOU EVERY TIME YOU

COME IN HERE. YOU´LL BE ABLE TO

FIT INTO YOUR SKINNY JEANS.

>> OK. OK. THAT´S ENOUGH

OF ME COMPLAINING.

DISTRACT ME.

HOW´S THE BABY, SEAN?

GOOD. BIGGER. HE´S STARTING

TO SMILE.

>> IT´S GREAT WHEN THEY

START TO GIVE A LITTLE

SOMETHING BACK, HUH?

>> ALL I´M ASKING IS YOU BUMP

HER UP A COUPLE OF NOTCHES ON

THE DONOR LIST.

YOU OWE ME, JIM. WHO HELPED YOU

GET INTO THE PANTS OF THAT

HOT BRAZILIAN RADIOLOGIST WITH

THE BIG FAKE TITS WHEN WE WERE

RESIDENTS? HUH?

YOU MARRIED HER? PHEW, NO SHIT.

WELL, TELL HER I SAID HELLO.

>> BLOODWORK CAME BACK ON

BURT LANDAU. GUESS WHAT HE WAS

ON THE NIGHT OF HIS STROKE?

>> VIAGRA.

>> EXCUSE ME?

>> YOUR HUSBAND WAS ON IT

THE NIGHT THAT HE HAD A STROKE.

YOU REMEMBER THAT NIGHT?

"I CAN GET US OUT OF THIS,

CHRISTIAN."

>> ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT

I GAVE IT TO HIM?

>> I´M SUGGESTING IT´S A LITTLE

ODD FOR A MAN TO TAKE A DRUG

THAT EVERY DOCTOR HE´S SEEN OVER

THE PAST 2 YEARS SAID COULD

KILL HIM.

>> HOW DARE YOU.

I AM NOT A MURDERER.

>> YOU´RE SAYING THROUGH ALL

OF THIS--THE SURGERIES,

YOU AND ME--YOU NEVER WISHED

HE WAS DEAD?

>> WISHING AND ACTUALLY DOING

SOMETHING ABOUT IT ARE 2 VERY

DIFFERENT THINGS.

I THOUGHT YOU KNEW ME.

>> WE´LL SEE IF I DO.

WHO GAVE YOU THE VIAGRA, BURT?

>> HMM? WHAT?

>> WHO GAVE YOU THE VIAGRA?

>> I DON´T KNOW.

>> STOP COVERING FOR HER.

SHE TRIED TO KILL YOU.

>> MMM.

NO, SHE DIDN´T.

I--I TOOK IT MYSELF.

STUPID.

BUT THOSE 3 MINUTES

INSIDE HER...

WERE WORTH GIVING UP.

HOW MANY YEARS I GOT LEFT?

>> WAIT. I´M SORRY--

>> STAY AWAY FROM ME.

IF I DIDN´T NEED YOU TO FIX

MY HUSBAND´S FACE, YOU´D BE

FIRED ALREADY.

FROM NOW ON, CONSIDER US

BUSINESS ASSOCIATES.

[ROLLING STONES SINGING

UNDER MY THUMB]

[KNOCKING]

>> WHAT DO YOU WANT?

[CHUCKLES]

>> I WANT A PERSONALITY TEST.

>> GO AWAY, CHRISTIAN.

>> AW, COME ON, KIMMY. IT´S ME.

YOU KNOW, THE GUY YOU ALMOST

MARRIED.

LET ME IN. I NEED TO TALK YOU.

>> ♫ THE GIRL WHO ONCE

PUSHED ME AROUND,

IT´S DOWN TO ME... ♫

>> JESUS. YOU SMELL LIKE

A BREWERY.

>> YOU, YOU SMELL LIKE--

[INDISTINCT]

MMM, EVERY TIME I GET CLOSE

TO A WOMAN WHO´S WEARING

YOUR PERFUME, I GET A HARD-ON.

>> UNH. OK.

NOW I KNOW WHERE HE GETS IT

FROM.

>> HMM?

>> YOUR SON CAME ON TO ME

THE OTHER DAY.

>> OH.

>> SO CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU DON´T NEED TO FORCE ME

NOT TO SEE YOU ANYMORE.

YOUR GENES AND BAD INFLUENCE

HAVE DONE IT FOR YOU.

>> ♫ SHE´S UNDER MY THUMB... ♫

[CHUCKLES]

>> CAN I GET MYSELF A SCOTCH,

SWEETIE PIE?

>> ONE DRINK AND THEN

YOU HIT THE ROAD.

>> I´M SORRY ABOUT MATTIE.

OH, I´LL TALK TO HIM.

>> NO, DON´T.

HE--HE´S JUST YOUNG.

HE DOESN´T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT

MEANS TO REALLY BELIEVE IN

SOMETHING YET.

>> ♫ THE WAY SHE TALKS

WHEN SHE´S SPOKEN TO,

DOWN TO ME... ♫

>> THAT SHIT REALLY WORKS FOR

YOU, HUH?

>> FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE, I FEEL

LIKE THERE´S SOMETHING I CAN

GIVE MYSELF REALLY TO, AND I CAN

EXPECT THE SAME IN RETURN.

>> ♫IT´S DOWN TO ME,

OH, YEAH... ♫

>> I NEVER GAVE TO YOU

LIKE THAT.

>> WHEN YOU WANTED TO.

BUT IT ALWAYS CAME WITH A PRICE.

[SCOFFS]

>> MAYBE YOU SHOULD AUDIT ME.

IF IT WORKS FOR YOU, THERE MUST

BE SOMETHING TO IT, RIGHT?

>> ♫ WELL, I,

I CAN STILL LOOK AT SOMEONE

ELSE,

IT´S DOWN TO ME,

OH, THAT´S WHAT I SAID,

THE WAY SHE TALKS

WHEN SHE´S SPOKEN TO,

DOWN TO ME,

CHANGE HAS COME,

SHE´S UNDER MY THUMB,

TAKE IT EASY, BABE... ♫

>> CHRISTIAN, STOP.

>> DON´T TELL ME YOU NEVER

THINK ABOUT ME, BABY.

HMM?

[SIGHS]

>> WHEN YOU´RE ALONE

IN BED AT NIGHT...

AND YOUR FINGERS FIND THEIR WAY

DOWN TO YOUR PRETTY LITTLE...

ROSEBUD?

YOU NEVER CLOSE YOUR EYES,

PRETEND THOSE HANDS ARE MINE?

>> OH, PLEASE, STOP, CHRISTIAN.

PLEASE. STOP.

[SHUDDERS]

[PANTING]

[THUD]

[GRUNTS]

[BOTH GASPING]

>> OH! OH!

>> MMM.

LET´S LOCK OURSELVES IN,

MAKE LOVE AND...

EAT TAKE-OUT FOR A FEW DAYS.

>> I NEED TO GO.

>> OK.

I HAVE A SEMINAR AT CHURCH

TOMORROW AFTERNOON, IF YOU WANT

TO COME BY, AND I´LL AUDIT YOU

THEN.

[LAUGHS]

>> OH, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I DON´T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT

YOUR WHACK-A-DOO RELIGION.

>> WHAT? YOU TOLD ME

YOU WANTED TO--

>> I SAID WHAT I ALWAYS SAY--

WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET

ME LAID.

>> HOW CAN YOU BE SO CRUEL?

WHY DON´T YOU JUST GO SCREW

ONE OF YOUR WHORES IF YOU NEEDED

TO GET LAID?

>> WHORES ONLY GIVE YOU

THEIR BODY. I NEEDED TO FEEL

LIKE THE MOST IMPORTANT MAN IN

THE WORLD, AND YOU´RE THE ONLY

PERSON WHO CAN DO THAT FOR ME.

DON´T WORRY, SWEETHEART.

I´M SURE THERE´S SOME CHAPTER IN

DIANETICS THAT´LL HELP YOU GET

THROUGH--

>> GET OUT! GET OUT!

I HATE YOU! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!

[INDISTINCT]

[CRYING]

OH, MY GOD.

[CRYING]

OH.

[LAUGHTER]

>> OH, YES.

[INDISTINCT]

Julia: TELL ME ABOUT IT.

>> HEY.

I DIDN´T KNOW YOU WERE COMING

OVER TONIGHT.

>> I INVITED HER. I RECKONED

THAT EVEN GALS ON A RESTRICTED

DIET DESERVED A HOME-COOKED

MEAL.

>> LISTEN, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT

THIS MEANS TO ME. BUT I CANNOT

ACCEPT IT.

>> ACCEPT WHAT?

>> WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT YOU

COULDN´T BE A DONOR FOR LIZ,

I CALLED AND ASKED FOR

PERMISSION TO BE TESTED.

>> YOU´RE A MATCH?

>> NO. BUT I AM.

>> I SWEAR, I DIDN´T KNOW HE WAS

GETTING TESTED, SEAN.

>> LIZ IS FAMILY, DAD. SHE USED

TO BABY-SIT ME. SHE EVEN LET ME

HAVE A SWING OF BEER AT ONE OF

HER BARBECUES WHEN I WAS 14.

>> YOU ARE MY HERO. BUT I WILL

NOT LET YOU DO THIS FOR ME.

THE ACORN DIDN´T FALL FAR FROM

THE TREE, DID IT, DADDY?

[SIGHS]

>> DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW

LIFE-ALTERING A KIDNEY DONATION

CAN BE?

>> I´VE JUST RECENTLY BEEN

FORCED TO COME TO THE CONCLUSION

THAT I´VE SPENT MY ENTIRE LIFE

TAKING, SO UNLESS YOU CAN COME

UP WITH A GOOD REASON WHY

I SHOULDN´T, I´M GOING THROUGH

WITH IT.

>> HOW COULD YOU LET

HIM DO THIS?

>> SHE DIDN´T LET ME

DO ANYTHING. I´M 18.

>> I DIDN´T THINK HE´D BE

A MATCH. YOU AND CHRISTIAN

WEREN´T.

I MEAN, I DON´T WANT HIM TO DO

IT, EITHER, BUT, YOU KNOW,

HE DOESN´T NEED OUR CONSENT.

>> I HAVEN´T SEEN YOU IN

A MONTH, MATT.

>> WELL, THAT´S GOING TO CHANGE.

WHERE DO YOU THINK I´LL BE DOING

MY CONVALESCING?

LOOK, YOU GUYS RAISED ME TO

TAKE CARE OF PEOPLE, YEAH?

I KNOW I HAVEN´T ALWAYS LIVED

UP TO THAT, BUT I WANT

TO START NOW.

>> WHAT´S GONNA HAPPEN WHEN YOU

TAKE THE EAR OFF HIM?

>> WE´RE SENDING HIM OFF TO LIVE

IN A RANCH IN WYOMING WITH HIS

OTHER DONOR BUDDIES.

>> SERIOUSLY. IF I BUILT HIM

A STERILE ROOM AT TERRA BUDGE,

DO YOU THINK I COULD KEEP HIM?

>> THE ONLY ROOM YOU´RE GONNA

NEED TO BUILD FOR HIM IS A

MAUSOLEUM. THE MICE DON´T

SURVIVE THE SURGERY.

>> SERIOUSLY?

>> [SIGHS] WE COULD CANCEL THE

PROCEDURE.

>> NAH. DO IT. I´M GONNA NEED

BOTH EARS TO PULL OFF MY FALL

WARDROBE.

>> ♫ STARRY, STARRY NIGHT,

PAINT YOUR PALETTE

BLUE AND GREY,

LOOK OUT ON A SUMMER´S DAY,

WITH EYES THAT KNOW

THE DARKNESS IN MY SOUL,

SHADOWS ON THE HILLS,

SKETCH THE TREES

AND THE DAFFODILS,

CATCH THE BREEZE

AND THE WINTER CHILLS

IN COLORS ON THE SNOWY

LINEN LAND,

NOW I UNDERSTAND

WHAT YOU TRIED TO SAY TO ME,

HOW YOU SUFFERED

FOR YOUR SANITY ♫

>> YOU ALL RIGHT THERE, PARTNER?

>> ♫ HOW YOU TRIED

TO SET THEM FREE ♫

>> MATT WANTS TO GIVE LIZ HIS

KIDNEY. HE AND JULIA GOT TESTED.

>> KID´S GOT BALLS. I´LL KILL

HIM BEFORE I´LL LET HIM DO IT,

BUT YOU GOTTA ADMIT, THE KID´S

GOT BALLS.

>> ♫ FLAMING FLOWERS

THAT BRIGHTLY BLAZE ♫

>> HE MUST´VE GOT ´EM FROM YOU.

>> HE CERTAINLY DIDN´T GET MY

KIDNEYS.

>> I LIED. I´M A MATCH FOR LIZ.

5 OF 6.

>> ♫ HOW YOU SUFFERED

FOR YOUR SANITY,

HOW YOU TRIED TO SET THEM FREE,

THEY WOULD NOT LISTEN ♫

>> WHAT?

>> LOOK, I HAVE A HANDICAPPED

SON I HAVE TO OPERATE ON. I

CAN´T BE OUT OF COMMISSION FOR

3 MONTHS.

>> BULLSHIT. GIVE HER THE KIDNEY

AFTER YOU OPERATE ON CONNOR´S

HANDS. YOU´RE SHIT SCARED ABOUT

GOING UNDER THE KNIFE, THAT´S

ALL.

>> THAT´S NOT THE POINT RIGHT

NOW. OUR GOAL NEEDS TO BE TO

STOP MATT FROM FORCING THE ISSUE

WITH LIZ.

>> OH, I CAN THINK OF A WAY OF

STOPPING HIM. GIVE LIZ SOMEBODY

ELSE´S KIDNEY.

>> ♫ STARRY, STARRY NIGHT

YOU TOOK YOUR LIFE

AS LOVERS OFTEN DO,

BUT I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU,

VINCENT,

THIS WORLD WAS NEVER MEANT

FOR ONE AS BEAUTIFUL AS YOU ♫

[DOORBELL RINGS]

>> COMING!

HEY.

>> HEY.

>> YOU´RE EARLY.

>> MM-HMM.

>> COME ON IN.

>> UH, THANKS FOR INVITING ME.

AND AFTER WHAT HAPPENED, I

DIDN´T THINK YOU´D REALLY WANT

TO SEE ME.

>> I THOUGHT A LOT ABOUT IT AND

REALIZED I WAS TOTALLY OUT OF

LINE. AND, UM, I WANTED YOU TO

COME OVER SO I COULD APOLOGIZE.

CAN I MAKE YOU A DRINK?

>> UH, NO. THANKS. I´M OFF THE

BOOZE.

>> YOU TRAINING FOR SOMETHING?

>> NO, IT´S JUST THAT, UH, YOU

KNOW, MY DAD´S ANESTHESIOLOGIST

LIZ, SHE NEEDS A KIDNEY AND I´M

GONNA GIVE HER MINE, SO I HAVE

TO BE TOTALLY CLEAN TO MAKE SURE

HER BODY DOESN´T REJECT IT.

>> WHOA. THAT´S AWFULLY GENEROUS

OF YOU.

>> YEAH. WELL, UM, I REALLY TOOK

WHAT YOU SAID TO ME TO HEART,

YOU KNOW? ABOUT GIVING BACK.

>> HMM.

YOU REALLY ARE A BEAUTIFUL SOUL,

MATTHEW McNAMARA.

SO, WHERE ARE YOUR KIDNEYS

ANYWAYS?

>> UM, BACK HERE.

>> RIGHT HERE?

>> MM-HMM.

>> YOU THINK IT´S GONNA HURT?

>> WELL, IT´S NOT GONNA FEEL

GOOD.

>> [CHUCKLES]

DOES THAT FEEL GOOD?

>> YEAH.

[WATER RUNNING]

>> I ASSUME YOU KNOW I´LL BE

OVERSEEING MY HUSBAND´S SURGERY

IN THE O.R.

>> OF COURSE. I KNOW HOW YOU AND

YOUR HUSBAND LIKE TO WATCH EACH

OTHER. AHEM.

[MONITOR BEEPS]

>> IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG?

>> BLOOD PRESSURE´S DROPPING.

GET ME ONE MILLIGRAM EPI.

[MONITOR BEEPS]

[BEEPS LOUDER]

[STEADY TONE]

>> HE´S GONE INTO DEFIB. GIVE ME

THE CRASH CART.

[STEADY TONE]

[TONE STOPS]

[TONE RESUMES]

>> CLEAR!

CLEAR!

[BEEPS RESUME]

>> BLOOD PRESSURE´S COMING BACK.

HEART RATE´S STABILIZING.

[MONITOR BEEPS]

>> LOOKS GOOD. WHAT HAPPENED?

>> EAR JACKED. YOU?

>> SOMEONE STOLE MY KIDNEY.

>> HMM. I DIDN´T KNOW THEY DID

REAL MEDICAL STUFF IN HERE, TOO.

>> WELL, THEY DON´T. SEAN AND

CHRISTIAN SET THAT UP FOR ME SO

I COULD WORK A COUPLE HOURS

A DAY.

>> WOW. THAT IS REALLY NICE OF

THEM TO DO THAT FOR YOU. I MEAN,

COME ON. YOU THINK ABOUT IT, THE

LAST THING SOME SOCIALITE WANTS

TO SEE AFTER HER EYE JOB,

SOMEBODY HAVING A BLOOD

SCRUBBIN´, RIGHT. HA HA HA.

HOW´D YOU DO IT? YOU KNOW, GET

THEM TO CARE ABOUT YOU SO MUCH?

>> I´M SURE YOU HAVE PEOPLE IN

YOUR LIFE THAT WOULD DO THE SAME

FOR YOU.

>> YEAH. I GOT PLENTY OF PEOPLE.

MOST OF ´EM SHOWED UP RIGHT WHEN

THE MONEY DID.

>> YOU EXPECTING SOMEONE?

>> NOT REALLY. I THOUGHT MAYBE

MY EX AND MY DAUGHTER MIGHT STOP

BY, BUT THEY´RE BACK IN

PENSACOLA NOW, SO.

>> MAYBE THEY DON´T KNOW WHAT

HAPPENED TO YOU.

>> BULLSHIT. I DID AN EXCLUSIVE

TWO-PARTER ON MONTEL. THEY

NEVER, EVER MISS AN EPISODE.

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY I SPENT

SINCE I WON THAT POWERBALL?

20 MILLION. YEAH. I GOT A HUGE

HOUSE. I GOT MORE ICE THAN AN

ESKIMO. I GOT A RACE HORSE I´VE

NEVER EVEN SEEN. AND YOU KNOW

WHAT? I´D GIVE TWICE THAT RIGHT

NOW TO HAVE SOMEBODY WALK

THROUGH THAT DOOR AND JUST HOLD

MY HAND.

I USED TO RAISE FERRETS,

YOU KNOW, BEFORE THE MONEY.

THERE WAS ONE. KNICKERS. CUTEST

THING I EVER SAW IN MY LIFE.

SHE GOT HER LITTLE PAW CAUGHT IN

THE TRAILER DOOR. I HOCKED MY

ENTIRE FRANKLIN MINT COLLECTION

ON EBAY JUST TO PAY HER VET

BILLS. YOU KNOW, I NURSED HER.

SHE GOT BETTER. I LOVED HER,

YOU KNOW. I COULD TELL SHE LOVED

ME, TOO. AND LOOK AT ME NOW.

YOU KNOW HOW GOT THIS EAR?

I KILLED A MOUSE FOR IT.

VINCENT. CUTE LITTLE GUY, TOO.

HE GREW THE EAR ON HIS BACK, AND

I LET HIM SACRIFICE HIMSELF JUST

SO I COULD LOOK GOOD IN MY JILL

ST. JOHN´S.

>> I´M SURE VINCENT UNDERSTOOD.

>> THE POINT IS I GAINED MORE

WHEN I HAD NOTHING. IT´S LIKE I

TRADED MY SOUL FOR ALL THAT

MONEY, YOU KNOW? AND THEN I LOOK

AT YOU. I MEAN, THE VICTIM OF

A HORRIBLE CRIME. BUT WHAT GETS

YOU THROUGH? THE HOPE THAT MAYBE

FOR A COUPLE HOURS A DAY YOU GET

TO BE A DOCTOR. YOU´RE A HERO.

YOU ARE. AND I´M A BIG, FAT

ZERO. OH, GOD, WHAT HAPPENED TO

ME?

>> TOO BAD THEY CAN´T GROW

A KIDNEY ON THE BACK OF A MOUSE,

HUH? [CHUCKLES]

[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]

>> IT ISN´T RIGHT. HE SHOULD BE

IN A FACILITY THAT CAN CARE FOR

HIM PROPERLY.

>> HE NEEDS TO BE HOME.

>> THIS ISN´T LIKE RECOVERY FROM

HIS OTHER SURGERIES. HE´S HAD

A MASSIVE STROKE WHICH MEANS

DIAPER CHANGES AND INTENSE

PHYSICAL THERAPY. IT COULD BE

YEARS BEFORE HE´S BACK ON HIS

FEET.

>> I´VE HIRED A HOSPICE NURSE TO

BE HERE AT NIGHT. AND I´M

PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF HANDLING

THINGS DURING THE DAY.

>> WHAT ABOUT WORK?

>> I´LL TAKE A LEAVE OF ABSENCE.

>> YOU DON´T NEED TO DO THAT.

THIS IS A LIST OF THE TOP

IN-PATIENT REHAB CLINICS IN

MIAMI. DO YOU AND BURT A FAVOR--

>> NO.

>> AND GO TAKE A LOOK AT THEM.

>> I WON´T. I WON´T PUT HIM IN

A NURSING HOME.

>> OF COURSE. WOULDN´T WANT TO

DO ANYTHING TO PISS HIM OFF

ENOUGH TO MAKE HIM CHANGE HIS

WILL.

>> YOU THINK--YOU THINK I WANT

IT LIKE THIS? YOU THINK I WANT

TO SPEND THE REST OF MY YOUTH

HOLED UP IN THIS TOMB?

BUT HE´S STILL MY HUSBAND. HE

NEEDS ME.

>> BUT YOU DON´T LOVE HIM

ANYMORE. YOU LOVE ME.

YOU WANTED ME TO LET HIM DIE ON

THAT TABLE. I SAW IT IN YOUR

EYES.

>> AND I SAW IT IN YOURS.

BUT YOU SAVED HIM ANYWAY. NOW

IT´S MY TURN.

>> HEY, SEAN.

>> WE NEED TO TALK.

>> ABOUT MATT?

I KNOW.

HE´S ADAMANT ABOUT GIVING ME HIS

KIDNEY. I´M AFRAID HE´S GOING TO

LEAVE IT ON MY DOORSTEP IN A

GIFT WRAPPED COOLER.

>> YOU DON´T NEED MATT´S KIDNEY.

´CAUSE I´M GONNA GIVE YOU MINE.

>> THAT IS VERY SWEET, SEAN, BUT

I THINK THAT WE´RE BOTH GOING TO

FEEL A LITTLE SILLY WHEN MY BODY

REJECTS IT.

>> IT WON´T.

I´M A 5 OF 6 MATCH FOR YOU.

I LIED ABOUT MY TEST RESULTS.

I´M SORRY, LIZ.

I WAS SCARED. THE SURGERY, THE

RECOVERY. I JUST...

>> DIDN´T WANT TO END UP LIKE

ME?

>> [SIGHS]

>> WHY THE CHANGE OF HEART?

I WOULD NEVER HAVE KNOWN THAT

YOU LIED.

>> I MADE A LIST OF THE PEOPLE

I THOUGHT WOULD GIVE ME A

KIDNEY. IT WAS PRETTY SHORT.

THEN I MADE A LIST OF PEOPLE I´D

GIVE ONE TO. IT WAS EVEN

SHORTER.

I ALWAYS THOUGHT OF MYSELF AS...

A GOOD FRIEND, SOMEONE YOU CAN

COUNT ON. WASN´T UNTIL ALL THIS

HAPPENED THAT I REALIZED I WAS

FULL OF SHIT.

WHAT I´M SAYING, LIZ, I LOVE

YOU. I DON´T WANT TO LOSE YOU.

YOU´RE GONNA TAKE MY KIDNEY.

I SCHEDULED THE OPERATION FOR

TOMORROW.

[EXHALES] SHIT.

SCARY, HUH?

>> I HAVE NEVER ASKED YOU TO DO

THIS FOR ME, SEAN.

>> YOU SHOULDN´T OF HAD TO.

>> THE TRUTH IS, I CAN´T.

FRANKLY, YOUR KIDNEY´S NOT HOT

ENOUGH. YOU´RE ONLY A 5 OUT OF

6. I HAVE FOUND A BETTER MATCH.

>> A BETTER MATCH? WHO?

>> A PERFECT 6 OUT OF 6, JUST

LIKE MY POWERBALL TICKET. I

GUESS LIGHTENING REALLY CAN

STRIKE TWICE.

>> ESPECIALLY WHEN IT HAS SUCH A

LARGE TARGET.

>> THAT TARGET DIDN´T SEEM TO

BOTHER YOU WHEN YOU WERE

PINNING ME TO YOUR APARTMENT

FLOOR, SWEET CHEEKS.

>> SHOULD WE BEGIN?

>> I´M READY WHEN YOU ARE.

>> GO GENTLE, DOC. I GOT TO LOOK

MY BEST FOR BIKINI SEASON.

>> DR. MUCKTAR WILL BE DOING

MOST OF THE HEAVY LIFTING, BUT

WE´LL DO WHAT WE CAN TO MINIMIZE

THE SCARRING. THOUGH I HAVE TO

WARN YOU, MS. BUDGE, THERE´S

VERY LITTLE WE CAN DO WITH A

NEPHRECTOMY SCAR

BECAUSE OF THE ANGLE AT WHICH

THE INCISION IS MADE.

>> SCREW IT. IT´LL BE MY BADGE

OF HONOR.

YOU THINK I CAN COME BY EVERY

NOW AND THEN AND VISIT MY

KIDNEY, YOU KNOW, FOR COFFEE OR

SOMETHING?

>> I DON´T THINK I CAN SAY NO.

>> HOW´S NEXT THURSDAY?

>> [CHUCKLES] OK.

>> LOOKS LIKE YOU´VE GOT A

FRIEND FOR LIFE THERE, LIZZIE.

YOU SURE IT´S WORTH IT?

>> HOW WE DOING?

>> SCARED.

>> RELAX. YOU´RE AMONG FRIENDS.

>> THANK YOU.

>> MY PRIVILEGE.

>> OK, COUNT BACK FROM 10 FOR

ME.

Both: 10, 9, 8, 7.

[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL

CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

--www.ncicap.org--]