All language subtitles for Nip.Tuck.S03E07.WEBRip.x264-ION10

DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF.

UH, I CAN'T LOOK AT MYSELF IN

THE MIRROR. IT'S, UH... IT'S TOO

PAINFUL.

MR. WHITE, I'M NOT EXACTLY

SURE WHAT WE CAN DO FOR YOU.

I HAVE A CONDITION CALLED

B.I.I.D... BODY INTEGRITY

IDENTITY DISORDER. NO MATTER HOW

MANY PSYCHIATRISTS I'VE SEEN OR

MEDICATIONS I'VE TAKEN, I CAN'T

STOP OBSESSING ABOUT MY LEG.

WELL, YOU'VE, UH... YOU'VE

SUFFERED A BIG LOSS. IT'S VERY

NATURAL...

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU DON'T

UNDERSTAND. UH...

MR. WHITE, PLEASE, KEEP YOUR

PANTS ON. WE DON'T DO

PROSTHETICS.

I DON'T WANT ONE. I JUST WANT

MY BODY TO REFLECT WHO I AM

INSIDE.

I WANT YOU TO REMOVE MY LEG.

[QUENTIN CLEARS THROAT]

EVER SINCE I WAS 5 OR 6, I'VE

FELT I HAD THIS EXTRA

APPENDAGE. I USED TO ASK GOD TO

MAKE THIS AWFUL FEELING GO AWAY.

IT DIDN'T. I TURNED 40 LAST

WEEK, AND NOW I HAVE A DIFFERENT

PRAYER. IF THERE IS A GOD, I

JUST WANT HIM TO LEAD ME TO A

DOCTOR WHO WILL HELP ME END THIS

AGONY.

YOU HAVE BUILT YOUR PRACTICE

ON BODY MODIFICATION, AND I AM

NO DIFFERENT THAN SOMEBODY WHO'D

COME TO YOU FOR A SEX CHANGE.

WOULD YOU TURN HIM AWAY?

NO, BUT WE WOULD BE HELPING

HIM, NOT MAIMING HIM.

MY FRIEND ERIC... I MET HIM IN

A SUPPORT GROUP. HE'D FINALLY

FOUND A DOCTOR WILLING TO

PERFORM THE SURGERY IN MEXICO... A

DR. CARRION. SO I LOANED HIM THE

$10,000, I DROVE HIM TO THE

AIRPORT. HE WAS SO HAPPY. HE'D

FINALLY BE FREE.

THEY FOUND HIM IN A GARAGE WITH

BOTH OF HIS LEGS CUT OFF. HE

DIED OF GANGRENE AND INFECTION.

IT TURNS OUT DR. CARRION NEVER

HAD A LICENSE.

MR. WHITE, NO LICENSED

PHYSICIAN WILL TAKE OFF A

HEALTHY LIMB JUST BECAUSE "IT

ISN'T YOU."

DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE I'M

INSANE, DR. TROY. I AM A

SUCCESSFUL ARCHITECT. I DIDN'T

ASK FOR THIS CONDITION. I WAS

BORN THIS WAY. I HAD NO CHOICE

IN THE MATTER.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR FAMILY? ARE

THEY IN FAVOR OF THIS?

MY WIFE, SHE, UH, TOOK MY SON

AND LEFT ALMOST A YEAR AGO.

MR. WHITE, A PROCEDURE LIKE

THIS, IT WOULDN'T EXACTLY BE

COVERED BY YOUR HMO.

MONEY IS NOT AN OBJECT.

I'M NOT ASKING FOR FAVORS, JUST

CONTROL OVER MY OWN BODY. THERE

ARE THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE LIKE US

ALL OVER THE WORLD WHO ARE

WILLING TO LOSE EVERYTHING, OUR

FAMILIES, OUR FRIENDS, OUR

LIVES, TO BE AT PEACE AND TO

FINALLY FEEL WHOLE.

Quentin: SO I GUESS YOU'RE JUST

GOING TO DISMISS THIS CASE.

WATCH ME. CASE DISMISSED.

IT IS A LITTLE INCONSISTENT,

THOUGH, ISN'T IT? I MEAN, WE

CORRECT A LOT OF IMAGINED FLAWS

TO ALLEVIATE PSYCHOLOGICAL PAIN.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT MR. WHITE'S

ASKING US TO DO.

AND ONCE HE'S LOST HIS LEG

AND HE GOES HOPPING DOWN THE

LOONY TRAIL, HE'LL REALIZE THAT

HIS AMPUTATION SOLVED NOTHING.

WELL, I'M NOT SAYING WE

SHOULD DO IT. I'M JUST SAYING

THAT MAYBE YOU SHOULD DO A

LITTLE RESEARCH BEFORE YOU TURN

INTO SEAN.

AND WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO

MEAN?

YOU ALWAYS TALK ABOUT SEAN'S

MORAL POSTURING. WELL, HE'S GONE

NOW, AND YOU NEED TO START

THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX. YOU

WANT TO BE CUTTING-EDGE, RIGHT?

WHO'S STOPPING YOU?

YOU'RE CERTAINLY HIGHLY

QUALIFIED. DAMN. THE MONEY I

COULD MAKE AS A CIVILIAN SURGEON

LIFTING SAGGY TITS AND ASSES.

TELL ME, DR. McNAMARA, WHY WOULD

A RICH, LIBERAL PLASTIC SURGEON

WANT TO ASSIST THE FBI?

IT'S JUST MY WORK STARTED TO

LOSE ITS MEANING. I SPOKE TO

DR. GROTTEN AT THE AMERICAN

BOARD OF PLASTIC SURGERY. WE

WERE FRIENDS IN MEDICAL SCHOOL,

AND I TOLD HIM I WAS LOOKING FOR

SOMETHING WITH MORE PURPOSE.

WANT TO GET BACK IN TOUCH WITH

THE REASON I BECAME A PHYSICIAN

IN THE FIRST PLACE. HE TOLD ME

ABOUT YOUR PROGRAM.

6 FIGURES ISN'T DOING IT FOR

YOU ANYMORE?

I WANT TO BE OF SERVICE.

I LEFT MY PRACTICE, MY WIFE, MY

SON AND DAUGHTER. I ALWAYS

THOUGHT I'D DIE WITHOUT THEM,

BUT I DIDN'T. I'M ALIVE. ALIVE

WITH NOTHING TO LIVE FOR.

COULD YOU SPEAK UP? IT'S HARD

TO HEAR THROUGH ALL THOSE

VIOLINS.

LISTEN, IF YOU DON'T WANT MY

SERVICES...

I DIDN'T SAY THAT, BUT I DO

WANT YOU TO KNOW WHAT YOU'D BE

GETTING YOURSELF INTO WERE I TO

ACCEPT YOUR SERVICES. WORKING AS

A SURGEON IN THE WITNESS

PROTECTION PROGRAM REQUIRES

TOTAL SECRECY.

THAT'S NOT A PROBLEM.

AND THERE'S NOT A LOT OF WARM

AND FUZZIES, IF THAT'S WHAT

YOU'RE LOOKING FOR. THERE IS NO

DOCTOR-PATIENT RELATIONSHIP.

ONCE YOU'VE ALTERED THEIR

APPEARANCE, ALL CONTACT ENDS.

YOU WILL NOT BE TOLD THEIR NEW

NAMES OR THEIR WHEREABOUTS.

IT'S THE WORK I'M...

LET ME FINISH. LIVES ARE AT

STAKE. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOUR

MID-LIFE CRISIS. THERE'S NO ROOM

FOR EMOTION OR DEBATE. AND IT'S

MY CALL AS TO WHETHER YOUR

SHIT'S TOGETHER ENOUGH TO ACCEPT

THAT. SO... IS YOUR SHIT

TOGETHER, DR. McNAMARA?

NO, IT'S NOT. MY SHIT IS

DEFINITELY NOT TOGETHER.

GOOD. THEN YOU WON'T HAVE ANY

TROUBLE TAKING ORDERS FROM ME.

YOUR FIRST CONSULT'S WAITING IN

THE GARDEN... NICOLE MORRETTI.

SHE'S VERY PRETTY.

IT'S NOT ABOUT CHANGING

LOOKS. IT'S ABOUT SAVING A LIFE.

I'LL BE WORKING ALONGSIDE YOU TO

PRESERVE THE RESEMBLANCE BETWEEN

THE MOTHER AND SON.

SON?

NICOLE MORRETTI?

OH...

I'M DR. McNAMARA. I'LL BE

DOING YOUR SURGERY. I'M SORRY,

MS. MORRETTI. I GUESS SNEAKING

UP ON SOMEONE ABOUT TO ENTER THE

WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM...

IT'S OK. YOU'RE A DOCTOR. AT

LEAST YOU KNOW HOW TO RESTART A

HEART. PLEASE CALL ME NIKKI.

MY HUSBAND VIC WAS A MEMBER OF

THE CARDONI FAMILY. IN THE

BEGINNING, I PRETENDED NOT TO

KNOW. ALL I KNEW WAS THAT WE

BELONGED TOGETHER. DON'T GET TO

PICK WHOM YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH,

DO YOU?

NO, YOU DON'T.

THE FBI SAW ME AS A MARK.

THEY SAID IF I GAVE THEM

INFORMATION, WE WOULD ALL HAVE

IMMUNITY. THEY WOULD HELP US

MOVE, START OVER. BUT CARDONI

DIDN'T GIVE IMMUNITY. ON THE

AFTERNOON OF OUR SON'S

BIRTHDAY... HE HAD JUST TURNED

12... VIC WAS COMING HOME EARLY.

THEY SHOT HIM, COMING OUT OF A

SPORTING GOODS STORE. HE WOULD

STILL BE ALIVE TODAY IF IT

WEREN'T FOR ME. AND NOW LOOK AT

ALL THIS WE GOTTA GO THROUGH.

YOU'LL BE FINE, I PROMISE.

THE PROCEDURE WILL BE MINIMAL,

ENOUGH TO BE EFFECTIVE WITHOUT

BEING TOO RADICAL.

A NARROWING OF YOUR NOSE, CHEEK

IMPLANTS, POSSIBLY MINOR

LIPOSUCTION IN THE LOWER JAW

REGION. A CHANGE IN HAIR COLOR,

TINTED CONTACT LENSES...

SOMETIMES MINOR ADJUSTMENTS ARE

ALL THAT'S NEEDED TO CHANGE YOUR

APPEARANCE.

WHAT ABOUT AUSTIN? HAVE YOU

EVER DONE SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO

A BOY HIS AGE?

A GOOD SURGEON ALWAYS TAKES

INTO ACCOUNT HOW THE YOUNG

PERSON'S BONE STRUCTURE WILL

DEVELOP AND CHANGE. AND I'M A

GOOD SURGEON, MS. MORRETTI.

Julia: WELL, PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE

TO RESERVE A SPACE AT ANOTHER

TIME?

NO, I UNDERSTAND, ALTHOUGH BEING

NEW DOES HAVE ITS ADVANTAGES.

NO, WE'RE NOT LISTED IN THAT

PUBLICATION YET, BUT ONCE WE'RE

REVIEWED, I'M SURE IT'LL BE...

ABSOLUTELY. WE'LL STILL BE HERE.

[SIGH] IT'S A VICIOUS CIRCLE.

PEOPLE WON'T COME BECAUSE NO ONE

KNOWS ABOUT US, AND NO ONE KNOWS

ABOUT US BECAUSE NO ONE COMES.

WELL, MS. CARR SEEMS VERY

HAPPY AND VERY WELL-CONNECTED.

I'LL BRING HER SOME FLOWERS.

I DON'T WANT OUR ONLY CLIENT

HAPPY. I WANT HER ECSTATIC.

GOOD MORNING. I BROUGHT YOU SOME

FRESH FLOWERS. A LITTLE

PAMPERING SPEEDS UP THE RECOVERY

PROCESS. IF THERE'S ANYTHING

ELSE I CAN GET YOU... SOME FRESH

CUCUMBER WATER OR...

HONEY, PLEASE. IT'S GONNA BE

HARD ENOUGH ADJUSTIN' TO REALITY

AFTER A WEEK IN THIS PARADISE.

WELL, WE'RE STILL NEW, SO IF

YOU CAN HELP SPREAD THE WORD.

Gretchen Carr: OH, LIKE

WILDFIRE, DARLIN'. A LOT OF US

OUT-OF-STATE GIRLS COME TO

FLORIDA FOR A QUICKIE AND HAVE

NO IDEA WHERE TO GO AFTERWARDS.

I JUST THANK THE LORD HE SENT ME

TO THE GYM THAT MORNIN' AND THEN

GUIDED ME TO THE ELLIPTICAL

MACHINE NEXT TO LIZ.

WITHIN 5 MINUTES, SHE KNEW I

WAS GAY, AND I KNEW SHE WAS

HAVING LIPO. THERE ARE NO

SECRETS WHEN YOU'RE JIGGLING UP

AN ELECTRONIC MOUNTAIN.

[LAUGHING]

THE OFFICE TOILET IS

OVERFLOWING. EITHER ONE OF YOU

TOOK A BIG DUMP OR SOME HOMELESS

BEACH...

OH. I'M SORRY. I THOUGHT YOU

WERE DISCHARGED.

Gretchen: DON'T WORRY. I HAVE

TWO BOYS. I'VE BEEN UNCLOGGIN'

TOILETS FOR 17 YEARS.

YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS THAT OLD.

SO, WHAT? DID YOU GIVE BIRTH AT

13?

23.

I WANT THE NUMBER OF YOUR

SURGEON.

OH, HE HASN'T TOUCHED MY

FACE... YET. I JUST HAD A LITTLE

LIPO.

Liz: SEE? IT'S ALL A MATTER OF

DIET... VEGETABLES, 8 GLASSES OF

WATER A DAY.

I PUT SEMEN ON MY FACE EVERY

NIGHT BEFORE I GO TO BED.

AND I WAS WORRIED ABOUT

SAYING "SHIT."

BEFORE THE DIVORCE, MY

HUSBAND USED TO LIKE TO...

SPRAY HIS SEED ALL OVER MY FACE.

DIDN'T DO A THING FOR ME

SEXUALLY, BUT I DID NOTICE HOW

MUCH BETTER MY SKIN LOOKED

AFTERWARDS. WELL, I CHECKED, AND

IT TURNS OUT THAT SPERM IS CHOCK

FULL OF ALL THESE WONDERFUL

THINGS... AMINO ACIDS, PROTEINS,

VITAMIN C.

WHAT DO YOU DO ABOUT SUPPLY

NOW THAT YOUR HUSBAND'S NOT

AROUND?

OH, THAT'S NOT A PROBLEM. I

GET ALL I NEED FROM MY SONS.

Julia: YOUR SONS? YOU PUT YOUR

SONS' SEMEN ON YOUR FACE?

WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE I STAND

OVER THEM AND WATCH. I GIVE THEM

THESE LITTLE AMBER BOTTLES, THEY

FILL THEM UP, AND PUT THEM ON MY

NIGHT TABLE.

WELL, IT'S THE LEAST THEY CAN

DO. IT'S NOT LIKE I'M ASKING

THEM TO UNLOAD THE DISHWASHER.

Gina: NO ONE HERE COULD ACCUSE

ME OF BEING A PRUDE, RIGHT?

NO ONE ANYWHERE.

BUT TAKING YOUR SONS' SPOOGE

AND PUTTING IT ON YOUR FACE?

WELL, SCIENTIFICALLY

SPEAKING, MRS. CARR IS SIMPLY

USING AN ALL-NATURAL,

FRESH-CELL, HORMONE-RICH

SUBSTANCE UNCONTAMINATED BY

CANCER-CAUSING PRESERVATIVES.

IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE MAKING

A SALES PITCH.

YOU'RE NOT MAKIN' A SALES

PITCH... ARE YOU?

NO! NO, OF COURSE NOT. IT'S

TOTALLY DISGUSTING. I'M JUST

SAYING THAT, FROM A BUSINESS

PERSPECTIVE, IT'S EFFECTIVE,

IT'S HEALTHY,

IT'S CHEAP TO PRODUCE.

SPERM BANKS THROW AWAY TONS OF

UNUSED DONATIONS, AND SEMEN'S AN

ANTI-DEPRESSANT. IT HAS

MOOD-ALTERING HORMONES IN IT. I

READ ABOUT IT.

DIDN'T DO A THING FOR ME.

Gina: THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

MY ENTIRE LIFE I THOUGHT THERE

WAS A PSYCHOLOGICAL REASON WHY

I'M A SEX ADDICT. TURNS OUT I

WAS JUST JONESING FOR JIZZ. WE

ARE SO SITTING ON A GOLD MINE

HERE.

WE ARE NOT GOING TO BOTTLE

SEMEN.

LOOK, WE NEED A SIGNATURE

PRODUCT, SOMETHING THAT MAKES US

DISTINCTIVE, GETS PEOPLE TO

NOTICE US. I MEAN, IF WE CAN'T

MAKE A NAME FOR OURSELVES,

THEY'RE GONNA FORECLOSE THIS

PLACE, OK? AND THEN SEAN AND

CHRISTIAN WILL SAY THEY KNEW ALL

ALONG THAT WE'D SCREW IT

UP... THAT I WOULD SCREW IT UP

BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE WHAT IT

TAKES TO BE A SUCCESS, AND I

CAN'T LET THEM BE RIGHT ABOUT

THAT. NEITHER CAN YOU.

DR. TROY. THANK YOU FOR

COMING. I WAS THRILLED WHEN YOU

CALLED AND AGREED TO SEE ME

AGAIN. I JUST THOUGHT BY COMING

HERE, YOU'D SEE I'M NOT SOME,

UH, CRAZY HOMELESS MAN. I KNOW

IT'S A BIZARRE REQUEST.

"THE AMERICAN ARCHITECTURE"

"AWARD." THAT'S IMPRESSIVE.

I GOT IT FOR AN ATRIUM HOUSE

I DESIGNED IN, UH, 2001. I

UTILIZED THE POWER OF NEGATIVE

SPACE, THE BEAUTY OF WHAT'S

MISSING.

THAT WAS THE LAST THING I

DESIGNED.

SO... WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO

DO WITH YOUR CUTTING OFF YOUR

LEG?

MY OBSESSION HAS GOTTEN SO

BAD LATELY, IT'S ALL I CAN THINK

OF. NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.

DEPRESSION HAS A DULLING EFFECT.

WHEN YOU IMPLIED THAT YOU STILL

MIGHT DO IT...

MIGHT.

I TOOK AN OATH AS A PHYSICIAN.

FIRST DO NO HARM.

THE "HYPOCRITICAL" OATH.

[CHUCKLES] THE MEDICAL

PROFESSION'S UNWILLINGNESS TO

HELP ME AND OTHERS LIKE ME STOP

THE PAIN IS WHAT'S REALLY

HARMFUL.

THAT'S WHY I WANTED TO SHOW YOU

MY CONTINGENCY PLAN.

AUTO-AMPUTATION, DOCTOR.

MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT FURNITURE

DESIGN. I FILL THE CHEST WITH

DRY ICE. AT MINUS 78 1/2 DEGREES

CENTIGRADE, IT'S COLD ENOUGH TO

FREEZE ONE'S LEG OFF... QUITE

LITERALLY. IN A FEW HOURS, I'LL

BE NUMB AND MY LEG WILL FEEL

LIKE A BLOCK OF WOOD. A MEMBER

OF MY SUPPORT GROUP, A FORMER

NURSE, HAS AGREED TO ASSIST ME.

AS PLASMA STARTS LEAKING THROUGH

THE CAPILLARY WALLS, THE SKIN

AND TISSUES BEGIN TO FREEZE.

NECROSIS SETS IN AT LAST. ONCE

THE SKIN IS CUT, MY LEG WILL

SEPARATE FROM MY BODY AS EASILY

AS A BOILED CHICKEN LEG.

ONCE IT'S GONE, I'LL FINALLY

FEEL WHOLE.

WHAT ABOUT THE RISKS? SEPSIS,

GANGRENE, INFECTION? YOU MIGHT

DIE. IS THAT WHY YOU WANTED ME

HERE?

I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW I'M

LOSING MY LEG, DOCTOR...

ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.

SO YOUR MOM TELLS ME YOU'RE

INTO BASEBALL.

I WAS. WHO KNOWS IF THEY EVEN

HAVE A TEAM WHERE WE'RE GOING.

WELL, THEY PRETTY MUCH PLAY

BASEBALL EVERYWHERE IN THE

COUNTRY. THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT

THE NATIONAL PASTIME. ANY

ALLERGIES, PENICILLIN, OTHER

MEDICATIONS?

NO, NOT A THING.

IS IT BLOCKED?

IS WHAT BLOCKED?

MY DEVIATED SEPTUM. DR.

SAGAMORE SAID IT WAS. HE SAID I

WASN'T BREATHING THROUGH MY NOSE

ENOUGH.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

WELL... THAT'S WHY I'M HERE,

RIGHT? I MIGHT HAVE TO WEAR

STRIPS AT NIGHT.

WHAT'S WRONG?

AUSTIN...

DO YOU KNOW WHAT A PLASTIC

SURGEON IS?

YES. THEY CHANGE HOW PEOPLE

LOOK.

THAT'S RIGHT. WELL, DR.

SAGAMORE AND DR. McNAMARA ARE

BOTH PLASTIC SURGEONS AND...

THEY'RE GONNA CHANGE MY FACE?

NO. NO, I DON'T WANT THEM TO DO

ANYTHING TO IT.

JUST LITTLE CHANGES SO THAT

WE CAN LOOK DIFFERENT.

I DON'T WANT TO LOOK

DIFFERENT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO

LOOK DIFFERENT!

I KNOW, SWEETIE, BUT WE HAVE

TO DO IT. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY

WE CAN BE SAFE.

YOU'RE A LIAR!

AUSTIN. AUSTIN, PLEASE.

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

OH, DR. SAGAMORE SAID NOT TO

TELL HIM.

I WISH SOMEONE HAD TOLD ME.

I SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIM, NO

MATTER WHAT DR. SAGAMORE SAID.

I'M HIS MOTHER. NOW THERE'S

NOBODY HE CAN TRUST.

FIRST THE FISH, NOW THE

FURNITURE.

IT'S COMING ALONG, DON'T YOU

THINK?

MM.

I WENT TO SEE MR. WHITE.

A HOUSE CALL.

WELL, WHEN I SAID RESEARCH, I

MEANT GO ONLINE.

I DID THAT, TOO. B.I.I.D.

CASE STUDIES. ONE GUY GOT DRUNK,

LAID DOWN ON THE TRAIN TRACKS,

WOKE UP A DOUBLE AMPUTEE.

SOMEBODY ELSE, A GUILLOTINE.

NECESSITY IS THE MOTHER OF

INVENTION.

ALL HAD THE BEST

PSYCHIATRIC HELP AND MEDS.

NOTHING STOPS THE OBSESSION.

OK, OK, SO WE GO FOR IT. I

MEAN, IT'S BETTER THEY COME TO

US THAN ONE OF THESE

DO-IT-YOURSELF METHODS. RIGHT?

WHAT NEXT? IF A GUY THINKS

HE'S A DOG, DO WE GIVE HIM A

TAIL?

LOOK, CHRISTIAN, EITHER

YOU'RE SERIOUS ABOUT MAKING OUR

PRACTICE NUMBER ONE, OR WE ARE

NOT GONNA SURVIVE.

WHAT'S OPERATING ON MR. WHITE

GOT TO DO WITH...

FOR STARTERS, HE'S WILLING TO

PAY US $100,000. THAT'S $70,000

OVER THE ASKING PRICE.

[CHRISTIAN SIGHS]

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS?

I AM TELLING YOU. NOW.

YOU GOT ANY MORE RENOVATIONS

PLANNED... THAT'LL COST SOME POOR

SCHMUCK AN ARM AND A LEG?

HEY, AT LEAST I'VE PAID MY

DUES, DOCTOR. YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN

IN IT FOR THE MONEY. OR WERE ALL

THOSE TIT JOBS YOUR WAY OF

GIVING BACK TO THE WORLD?

WE'RE NOT OPERATING ON MR.

WHITE.

WELL, YOU BETTER GO BREAK THE

NEWS TO HIM, THEN. BECAUSE I'VE

ALREADY SCHEDULED IT.

MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE WAITED

UNTIL THE SPA HAD AN ACTUAL

SIGNATURE BEFORE MARKETING A

SIGNATURE PRODUCT.

MAYBE IF WE GAVE AWAY

SAMPLES...

OH, WAIT A FEW WEEKS. WE'RE

GONNA GET RID OF CRATES OF THIS

STUFF JUST AS SOON AS OUR ACTIVE

INGREDIENT STOPS SWIMMING.

IF YOU'RE THINKING OF

BECOMING A MOTIVATIONAL

SPEAKER... DON'T.

I'M JUST REPEATING WHAT MY

FRIEND TOLD ME WHEN I WENT TO

PICK THE STUFF UP AT THE SPERM

BANK.

SUCCESS IS WHERE PREPARATION

AND OPPORTUNITY MEET.

OH, PLEASE. WHAT DO YOU KNOW

ABOUT PREPARATION, MISS "I'LL"

DESIGN THE PACKAGING WHILE YOU

KIDS MIX THE YUCK WITH LAVENDER

"AND ALCOHOL."

I'M THE ONLY ONE WITH

MARKETING EXPERIENCE. I STUDIED

ADVERTISING BEFORE I WENT INTO

PREMED.

OH, AND YOU'VE BEEN SO

SUCCESSFUL AT BOTH.

YOU CAN BE A REAL BITCH, YOU

KNOW THAT?

EXCUSE ME. I'M LOOKING FOR

JULIA McNAMARA?

UH-HUH?

HI. I'M JOAN RIVERS.

YES, OF COURSE. I'M A HUGE

FAN.

THANK YOU. BUT DON'T THINK OF

ME AS A CELEBRITY. THINK OF ME

AS A FAMILIAR FACE THAT CHANGES

EVERY COUPLE OF WEEKS. I'M HERE

FOR A PROCEDURE, AND THE

TABLOIDS KNOW MY USUAL RECOVERY

PLACES, SO I THOUGHT I'D CHECK

YOU GUYS OUT.

YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT STAYING

HERE?

WELL, MY PRIVACY CERTAINLY

WOULDN'T BE AT RISK.

WAIT A SECOND. McNAMARA/TROY.

JULIA McNAMARA. YOU MUST BE THE

DOCTOR'S WIFE, RIGHT?

UH... E-EX.

OH, WELL, GOOD FOR YOU.

YOU'RE CERTAINLY PUTTING YOUR

ALIMONY TO WORK. SO WHAT WAS IT?

"CHANGE OF WIFE?"

HA. IT WAS MORE LIKE A

"MID-WIFE" CRISIS.

THAT'S VERY FUNNY. I'M

STEALING THAT ONE.

OOH! ALONG WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL

GUEST ROBE.

OH, DO TAKE IT WITH OUR

COMPLIMENTS.

THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH.

I KNOW IT SOUNDS PUSHY, BUT

COULD I HAVE A BOOK, TOO? IT'S

MY GIRLFRIEND'S BIRTHDAY.

IT'S YOURS.

THANK YOU!

FACE MASKS! I LOVE FACE

MASKS!

ACTUALLY, MS. RIVERS, WE'RE

ONLY TEST MARKETING IT RIGHT

NOW. IT'S NOT REALLY READY FOR...

COME ON! [SNIFFS] IT'S NOT

LIKE IT'S MADE OF GOLD.

"ALL-NATURAL, PROTEIN ENRICHED.

"LAVENDER." [SNIFFS]

SMELLS LIKE... LIKE A SATURDAY

NIGHT AT THE DRIVE-IN.

CAN WE TAKE YOU ON A TOUR?

OUR ACCOMMODATIONS ARE

STATE-OF-THE-ART.

THIS IS VERY EVOCATIVE.

WE HAVE AN ELECTRIC MAGNETIC

RESONANCE WHICH IS THE LATEST

THING IN POST-OPERATIVE HEALING.

AND TiVO.

WHATEVER IT IS... MY

GIRLFRIEND HEIDI ABRAMOWITZ USED

TO WEAR THIS ALL THE TIME.

WHEN WERE YOU PLANNING ON

TELLING HIM?

I WASN'T.

WHAT WERE YOU GONNA DO, PUT

HIM TO SLEEP, CHANGE HIS FACE,

AND THEN WHEN HE WOKE UP SAY,

"SURPRISE! GUESS WHO YOU ARE."

I WAS PLANNING ON MIXING

MIDAZOLAM IN WITH HIS JUICE TO

INDUCE SLEEP. AFTER THE SURGERY,

I'D TELL HIM WHAT I DID. HE'D

EITHER THANK ME OR CURSE ME.

EITHER WAY, HE'D STAY ALIVE.

WHAT ABOUT INFORMED CONSENT?

IF HE WERE YOUR SON...

HE'S A MINOR. HIS CONSENT

ISN'T NECESSARY.

IT IS FOR ME.

NO, IT IS NOT. YOUR NAME IS

NOT ON THE DOOR HERE, DOCTOR. I

THOUGHT I MADE THAT CLEAR.

LOOK, THIS ISN'T THE FIRST KID

TO COME TO US. LAST YEAR WE HAD

ONE WHO RAN AWAY. PANICKED. HE

WAS AFRAID HIS DOG WOULDN'T

RECOGNIZE HIM. RAN HOME TO FIND

IT... WOUND UP DEAD.

I DON'T WANT THAT ON MY

CONSCIENCE. DO YOU?

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

LOOK, CHRISTIAN, THIS ISN'T A

GOOD TIME.

FINE, THANKS. AND HOW ARE

YOU?

I'M SORRY. I JUST CAN'T TALK

NOW.

NO PROBLEM. YOU CALL ME BACK

FROM WHEREVER THE HELL YOU ARE

WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED DOING

WHATEVER THE HELL YOU'RE DOING.

OK. GO AHEAD. I'M LISTENING.

[EXHALES]

WHEN WE DID THE WORK ON MRS.

GRUBMAN, WE BOTH KNEW IT WAS

MEDICALLY UNSOUND, RIGHT?

HA. MRS. GRUBMAN WAS

BLACKMAILING US. SHE THREATENED

TO PUT US OUT OF BUSINESS.

WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

SO... WE DID IT JUST FOR THE

MONEY, DIDN'T WE?

THE PATIENT WAS AWARE OF THE

RISKS INVOLVED. SHE INSISTED ON

SURGERY DESPITE OUR BEST ADVICE,

BUT YES, IT WAS FOR THE MONEY.

IT WAS ALWAYS FOR THE MONEY.

ANYWAY, THERE'S THIS NEW

CLIENT WHO'S OFFERING A SHIT

LOAD OF MONEY FOR US TO DO THIS

UNORTHODOX PROCEDURE.

JUST WHAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED,

RIGHT? NO ETHNICAL RESTRAINTS

AND A SHIT LOAD OF MONEY.

YOU LEFT OUT SEXUAL DEPRAVITY

AND DEVIL WORSHIP.

WHAT IS IT YOU WANT FROM ME,

ADVICE? BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY

TO GIVE! CHRISTIAN, I'M THE LAST

GUY YOU SHOULD BE CALLING FOR

HELP WITH MORAL DILEMMAS,

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T

HAVE THE ANSWERS. YOU JUST HAVE

TO FIGURE IT OUT ON YOUR OWN

LIKE I'M DOING.

[CHRISTIAN EXHALES]

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN

STANDING THERE?

UH, SINCE SEXUAL DEPRAVITY

AND DEVIL WORSHIP.

WHO WERE YOU TALKING TO?

NO ONE. ANYMORE.

SEAN. AHH!

IT'S LIKE WE NEVER EVEN KNEW

EACH OTHER...

EVER CARED ABOUT EACH OTHER.

[SIGHS]

HE WAS MY MIRROR, YOU KNOW?

I'D LOOK AT HIM AND SEE WHO I

WAS.

BABY, YOU CAN'T DEPEND ON

MIRRORS. THEY CAN MAKE YOU LOOK

FAT OR OLD OR TOO THIN. AND

SEAN'S MADE YOU LOOK SMALL. WAY

SMALLER THAN YOU ARE.

I FEEL LIKE A PART OF ME IS

GONE.

MAYBE IT'S A PART YOU DON'T

NEED ANYMORE... LIKE AN APPENDIX.

YOU ONLY KNOW IT'S THERE WHEN IT

HURTS, AND ONCE IT'S GONE, YOU

REALIZE YOU NEVER REALLY NEEDED

IT TO BEGIN WITH. YOU JUST GOT

USED TO THE PAIN.

I'M GLAD SEAN'S GONE.

IF YOU NEED A MIRROR TO TELL YOU

WHO YOU ARE... YOU LOOK AT ME.

I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, HOW BIG AND

STRONG AND GOOD YOU ARE.

LET HIM GO, BABY.

JUST LET HIM GO.

IT'S A QUARTER PAST. SHE SAID

SHE'D BE HERE AT 4:00.

IT'S CALLED MAKING US SWEAT.

LOOK, WE DON'T KNOW WHY MS.

RIVERS IS COMING. IT MAY HAVE

NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FACE

MASK. AND IF IT DOES, WE'LL JUST

PLAY DUMB AND TELL HER TO TALK

TO OUR LAWYER.

WE HAVE A LAWYER?

WE WILL. AND IF WE CAN'T

AFFORD ONE, THE COURT WILL

APPOINT ONE FOR US.

LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE. THE

TABLOIDS WILL GO NUTS. "SPA TRIO"

"GIVES JIZZ TO JOAN." WE'LL BE

FAMOUS. WELL, SHE'LL BE FAMOUS.

WE'LL BE STONED IN THE STREETS.

THAT'S THE BRIGHT SIDE?

I DON'T WANNA HEAR THE DARK

SIDE!

TOO LATE. I HEAR CLICKING

DOWN THE HALL.

LADIES, TIME IS MONEY, AND AT

MY AGE INFLATION'S A BITCH. I

WANT TO KNOW WHO'S RESPONSIBLE

FOR LA PREMIERE VIE FACE MASK?

IT WAS MY IDEA.

WELL, LET'S CUT RIGHT TO THE

CHASE. I THINK YOU KNOW WHY I'M

HERE, JULIA.

MS. RIVERS, PLEASE LET ME

JUST SAY...

YESTERDAY, I WENT HOME, I

LOOKED IN THE MIRROR. I LOOKED

LIKE A GODDAMN GABOR SISTER! I

WAS A MESS! IF I LIVED IN

AFGHANISTAN, I WOULDN'T EVEN

COME IN LAST IN A WET BURKA

CONTEST. I FIGURED I HAD NOTHING

TO LOSE, SO...

OH, DEAR GOD!

TAKE A LOOK AT ME. THE THREE

OF YOU TAKE A LOOK AT ME!

THIS STUFF IS MIRACULOUS! I'M

CANCELING MY SURGERY!

AND I'M HERE TO OFFER THE THREE

OF YOU A DEAL. 50/50, PLUS MY

PERSONAL ENDORSEMENT AND

INFOMERCIAL. I'LL HAVE MY

LAWYERS DRAW UP SOME CONTRACTS.

OF COURSE, WITH MY NAME ON IT,

WE'LL HAVE THIS STUFF ON THE

FACE OF EVERY WOMAN IN AMERICA

BY CHRISTMAS.

UH, WITH YOUR NAME?

OF COURSE! JOAN RIVERS...

FOREVER.

BUT IT'S OUR SIGNATURE

PRODUCT.

YOUR SIGNATURE IS WORTH

BUBKIS.

IT'S OUR ENTREE INTO THE

BUSINESS. IT HAS TO BE CONNECTED

TO DE LA MER.

OH, WHATEVER. THEN IT'LL BE,

UH..."JOAN RIVERS' DE LA MER...

PREMIERE VIE, LA DOLCE VIDA, LA

"GRANDE CASA... " WHO GIVES A DAMN?

WE'LL JUST GET A BIGGER JAR!

BUT I WANT 50%.

Liz and Gina: WE'LL TAKE IT.

SO, PENDING, OF COURSE, THE

MANUFACTURER'S SPECS. I WANT TO

KNOW WHAT IS IN THIS FABULOUS

SHIT!

WELL, THE ACTIVE INGREDIENT

IS...

A SPA SECRET.

YOUR SPA DOES NOT NEED A

SECRET. YOUR SPA IS A SECRET!

MS. RIVERS, WE HAVE NO

INTENTION OF DIVULGING IT TO YOU

OR ANYONE, DESPITE WHATEVER

ADVANTAGES YOUR NAME AFFORDS US.

TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.

I TOTALLY UNDERESTIMATED YOU.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST ONE OF

THOSE LITTLE... BLOND WHOOP DE

DOOPS.

DEAL.

I'LL HAVE MY LAWYER SEND THE NEW

CONTRACTS AROUND IN THE MORNING.

SEE YOU TOMORROW. PARTNERS.

AND AS FOR YOU...

YOUR HUSBAND WAS A SCHMUCK TO

HAVE DUMPED YOU.

SCHMUCK.

Sean: THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL, AREN'T

THEY? DID YOU KNOW KOI ARE ONE

OF THE ONLY FISH THAT CAN SEE

COLOR? AND APPARENTLY THOSE

GUYS CAN LIVE TO BE OVER A

HUNDRED YEARS OLD.

THEY LOOK SAD. LIKE THEY'RE

TRAPPED OR SOMETHING.

BUT THEY'RE A LOT SAFER IN

HERE THAN IN A LAKE, RIGHT?

FIGHTING OFF PREDATORS AND

BACTERIA. THEY MAY NOT

UNDERSTAND IT, BUT IF THEY DID,

I BET THEY'D FEEL A LOT BETTER.

WILL IT HURT?

THE OPERATION?

DURING? NO.

AFTER? MAYBE A LITTLE.

BUT YOU'RE A TOUGH KID.

I THINK YOU'RE STRONG ENOUGH TO

HANDLE IT. SO DOES YOUR MOM.

WHAT IF I REFUSE TO DO IT?

WOULD I BE KILLED, LIKE MY DAD?

I DON'T KNOW. BUT I DON'T

WANT YOU TO TAKE THAT CHANCE.

I KNOW IT'S TOUGH WHEN YOU THINK

ABOUT WHAT YOU'LL BE GIVING UP,

BUT WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT

YOU'RE GETTING... A CHANCE TO GROW

UP SAFE AND PROTECTED... IT'S

WORTH IT.

WELL, WE SHOULD GO. I PROMISED

TO HAVE YOU HOME BEFORE DINNER.

HEY.

THOSE FISH IN THERE... THEY

REALLY LIVE TO BE OVER A

HUNDRED?

THAT'S WHAT I'VE HEARD.

OK. I CAN HANDLE IT. BUT I

WANT YOU TO BE THE ONE WHO DOES

IT.

MAY I COME IN?

AH HA... I WAS ACTUALLY

PLANNING ON COMING BY LATER

TODAY. I KNOW THAT THERE ARE

SOME PAPERS FOR ME TO SIGN?

WE'RE NOT GONNA DO THE

SURGERY, MR. WHITE.

IS IT A MATTER OF MONEY?

BECAUSE IF IT IS, I CAN PAY

MORE.

NO.

HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT?

NO, IT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO

WITH MONEY.

DR. COSTA ASSURED ME FOR A

HUNDRED THOUSAND...

HE SHOULDN'T HAVE MADE ANY

PROMISES PREMATURELY. NOT

WITHOUT CONSULTING ME. I

APOLOGIZE. I HAVE THE NAME OF A

PREEMINENT COGNITIVE THERAPIST.

HIS SPECIALIZES IN TREATING

PATIENTS WITH OCD AND OTHER

PHOBIAS. HE FEELS CONFIDENT THAT

YOUR PARTICULAR... FETISH...

IT'S NOT A FETISH. IT IS A

LEGITIMATE MEDICAL CONDITION.

WHATEVER IT IS, HE BELIEVES

THAT HE CAN TREAT IT WITH

BEHAVIORAL MODIFICATION.

DO YOU THINK I'M CRAZY?

NOT AT ALL. I WOULDN'T

HAVE... COME HERE IN PERSON IF I

THOUGHT THAT.

AND I WOULDN'T HAVE COME TO

YOU IF IT WEREN'T A LAST RESORT,

IF I WEREN'T DESPERATE.

I UNDERSTAND THAT.

PLEASE PUT THE GUN DOWN, MR.

WHITE.

I AM SO SICK OF YOU DOCTORS

WHO THINK YOU KNOW ALL THE

GODDAMN ANSWERS. HAVE YOU EVER

BEEN DESPERATE, DR. TROY? HMM?

YES, I HAVE.

YOU CONDESCENDING ASSHOLE.

YOU AND YOUR PERFECT BODY. YOU

COULDN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND

WHAT IT IS LIKE TO FEEL

INCOMPLETE, THAT GOD MADE A

MISTAKE...

THAT HELP IS POSSIBLE...

[SHOUTING] BUT NO ONE WILL GIVE

IT TO YOU!

Mark: HOW MUCH BLOOD DID HE

LOSE?

Paramedic: AT LEAST A LITER. DR.

TROY TIED HIM UP BEFORE THERE

WAS MORE.

CHRISTIAN... I DIDN'T KNOW

YOU WERE THERE.

HE WAS A PROSPECTIVE PATIENT.

BLOOD PRESSURE?

80 SYSTOLIC. HEART RATE 120.

PUPILS ARE RESPONSIVE. NO

SIGN OF HEAD INJURY. WHAT THE

HELL HAPPENED?

HE SHOT HIS LEG OFF.

WELL, IT'S A GOOD THING YOU

WERE AROUND. ANY MORE BLOOD

LOSS, HE'D BE IN SHOCK NOW.

Christian: FEMORAL ARTERY IS

SEVERED. IT'S MISSING ABOUT 10

CENTIMETERS PROXIMAL TO THE

TRIFURCATION.

MOST OF THE BONE IS STILL

THERE. WE CAN ALWAYS DO A VEIN

GRAFT, USE BONE PLATES IF WE

HAVE TO. READY THE O-NEG. PREP

HIM FOR SURGERY.

Ben: NO... I DON'T WANT...

I DON'T WANT IT REATTACHED.

WHAT?

HE DID IT ON PURPOSE. HE

WANTS TO BE AN AMPUTEE.

Ben: PLEASE... HELP ME...

LOOK, IT'S A BODY INTEGRITY

DISORDER, SOMETHING HE'S

SUFFERED SINCE CHILDHOOD. I

DON'T KNOW, MAYBE IT'S NOT A

GOOD IDEA TO...

YOU KNOW, MR. WHITE, YOU ARE

A VERY LUCKY MAN. YOUR LEG IS

SALVAGEABLE. MOVE HIM INTO THE

O.R.

Ben: I'LL DO IT AGAIN... AND

AGAIN. [WEAKLY] AND I'LL KEEP

DOING IT.

[BEN WHIMPERS]

DR. ABRAMS HAS AGREED TO LET

ME TAKE OVER.

HOSPITAL PRIVILEGES AND PATIENT

REQUESTS.

I REMINDED HIM OF HIS

"HYPOCRITICAL" OATH.

NOW... YOU SURE ABOUT THIS?

BECAUSE... ONCE WE SEPARATE THE

LEG, THERE'S NO TURNING BACK.

THIS MIGHT NOT GIVE YOU WHAT

YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

YOU MIGHT THINK IT'S THE

PROBLEM, BUT... ONCE IT'S GONE,

YOU MIGHT MISS IT.

OK.

LET'S TAKE IT OFF.

FIRST-RATE, DR. McNAMARA.

'COURSE, THE WORK ISN'T AS

LUCRATIVE.

NO. BUT IT'S A HELL OF A LOT

MORE SATISFYING.

IT'S LIKE WE'VE GIVEN THEM A NEW

LIFE... A CHANCE TO START OVER.

TOO BAD THEY HAD TO LOSE

EVERYTHING TO GET IT...

THEIR PAST, THEIR IDENTITIES.

YEAH. MAYBE SOMETIMES YOU

HAVE TO LOSE WHO YOU WERE TO

FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE.

BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL YOU

THIS IS A FACE MASK THAT

ACTUALLY WORKS, OTHERWISE, I

WOULD NOT PUT MY NAME ON IT.

Julia: DON'T WORRY, MRS. COLE. I

HAVE YOU DOWN FOR A PRIVATE ROOM

ARRIVING ON THE 12th.

I LOOK FORWARD TO MEETING YOU AS

WELL.

Joan: YOU CAN FEEL THAT RIGHT ON

YOUR SKIN AS IT DRIES.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Julia: DE LA MER SPA. MAY I HELP

YOU?

YES, I'M HAVING MY BREASTS

ENLARGED, AND I'D LIKE TO BOOK A

ROOM.

SEAN, DID YOU WANT SOMETHING?

'CAUSE WE'RE KIND OF SWAMPED

RIGHT NOW.

YOU'RE KIDDING?

DON'T ACT SO SHOCKED. WE MAY

EVEN TURN A PROFIT THIS YEAR.

WOW, THAT'S, UH...

JOAN RIVER ENDORSED US ON QVC

AND BUSINESS REALLY PICKED UP.

ALTHOUGH IT WOULD BE NICE IF

McNAMARA/TROY THREW US A PATIENT

EVERY NOW AND THEN.

OH. I'LL TELL CHRISTIAN THEN.

THAT'S AMAZING, JULES.

ALL THESE YEARS, I REALLY

BELIEVED I COULDN'T DO ANYTHING

WITHOUT YOU. I KEPT LOOKING TO

YOU FOR MY SELF-ESTEEM, HOPING

YOU'D COMPLETE ME.

WELL, MAYBE WE BOTH JUST SET

IT UP THAT WAY. MAYBE I NEEDED

TO BE DEPENDED ON. NEEDED IT.

[LAUGHS] I GUESS WE'RE BOTH

BETTER OFF. [LAUGHS]

I NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS WOULD

HAVE GUESSED THAT IN LOSING MY

MARRIAGE I'D BE FINDING ME.

IT'S THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I

FEEL LIKE THIS... WHOLE PERSON.

I'M HAPPY FOR YOU. THAT YOU

FEEL THAT WAY. WHOLE.

I'D BETTER GO RESCUE GINA.

WHEN SHE GETS FLUSTERED, SHE

GETS ALL POTTY-MOUTH. WHERE ARE

YOU CALLING FROM?

UM... NOWHERE, REALLY. JUST...

IT'S ALL RIGHT, SEAN. YOU

DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME. WE'RE NOT

MARRIED ANYMORE, REMEMBER?

I'M JUST TOUCHING BASE.

I'M PROUD OF YOU, JULIA.

YOU DIDN'T COMPROMISE YOUR

INTEGRITY. YOU STAYED TRUE TO

YOURSELF, AND YOU SUCCEEDED.

I... GOTTA GO, SEAN.

[WHISPERS] Kimber.

CHRISTIAN.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, HONEY?

MARRY ME?

BABY, WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS

BEFORE.

I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW, BUT

IT'S DIFFERENT NOW.

WHY?

TODAY I TOOK OFF A... MAN'S

LEG SO HE COULD FEEL WHOLE.

WHAT HAS THAT GOT TO DO WITH

IT?

I GUESS YOU JUST HAVE TO DO

WHATEVER IT IS THAT... MAKES

YOU FEEL COMPLETE, NO MATTER HOW

CRAZY IT IS. ALL I KNOW IS THAT

WITHOUT YOU, SOMETHING'S...

MISSING. US. YOU AND ME.

TILL DEATH DO US PART.

I LOVE YOU.

SAY YES, KIMBER.

MARRY ME.

YES.

[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL

CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

...[ www.ncicap.org... ]