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1
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2
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Whoa, there!
3
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Halt!
4
00:04:38,881 --> 00:04:40,131
Who goes there?
5
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It is I, Arthur, Son of Uther Pendragon,
from the castle of Camelot.
6
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King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons.
7
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Sovereign of all England!
8
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Pull the other one.
9
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I am, and this is my trusty servant, Patsy.
10
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We have ridden the length of the land
in search of knights
11
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who will join me in my court at Camelot.
I must speak with your lord and master.
12
00:05:06,575 --> 00:05:08,784
- What? Ridden on a horse?
- Yes.
13
00:05:08,994 --> 00:05:11,154
- You're using coconuts!
- What?
14
00:05:11,254 --> 00:05:15,158
You've got two empty halves of coconut,
and you're banging them together.
15
00:05:15,258 --> 00:05:19,170
So? We have ridden since
the snows of winter covered this land.
16
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- Through the Kingdom of Mercia.
- Where did you get the coconuts?
17
00:05:23,349 --> 00:05:24,542
We found them.
18
00:05:24,642 --> 00:05:27,845
Found them? In Mercia?
The coconut is tropical.
19
00:05:28,305 --> 00:05:31,007
- What do you mean?
- Well, this is a temperate zone.
20
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The swallow may fly south with the sun,
or the house martin or the plover
21
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may seek warmer climes in winter,
yet these are not strangers to our land.
22
00:05:40,192 --> 00:05:45,104
- Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
- Not at all. They could be carried.
23
00:05:45,204 --> 00:05:49,909
- What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
- It could grip it by the husk.
24
00:05:50,369 --> 00:05:55,206
It's not a question of where he grips it.
It's a simple question of weight ratio.
25
00:05:55,707 --> 00:05:59,869
A five-ounce bird could not carry
a one-pound coconut.
26
00:05:59,969 --> 00:06:04,882
It doesn't matter. Go tell your master
that Arthur from Camelot is here.
27
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In order to maintain air-speed velocity,
28
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a swallow needs to beat its wings
43 times every second, right?
29
00:06:14,518 --> 00:06:16,394
- Please!
- Am I right?
30
00:06:17,229 --> 00:06:21,482
- I'm not interested.
- It could be carried by an African swallow.
31
00:06:22,150 --> 00:06:26,813
Oh, yes! An African swallow, maybe.
Not a European swallow. That's my point.
32
00:06:26,913 --> 00:06:28,147
I agree with that.
33
00:06:28,247 --> 00:06:32,576
Will you ask your master
if he wants to join my court at Camelot?
34
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But then, of course,
African swallows are non-migratory.
35
00:06:36,714 --> 00:06:39,917
- Oh, yes.
- They couldn't bring a coconut, anyway.
36
00:06:40,585 --> 00:06:44,171
Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows
carried it together?
37
00:06:44,589 --> 00:06:49,468
- No, they'd have to have it on a line.
- Simple. They'd use a strand of creeper.
38
00:06:49,845 --> 00:06:53,305
- Held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
- Why not?
39
00:06:55,225 --> 00:06:56,767
Bring out your dead!
40
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Ninepence.
41
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- Bring out your dead.
- Here's one.
42
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Ninepence.
43
00:07:53,166 --> 00:07:54,734
- I'm not dead!
- What?
44
00:07:54,834 --> 00:07:57,487
- Nothing. Here's your ninepence.
- I'm not dead!
45
00:07:57,587 --> 00:07:59,822
- He says he's not dead.
- Yes, he is.
46
00:07:59,922 --> 00:08:01,407
- I'm not!
- He isn't?
47
00:08:01,507 --> 00:08:04,077
- He will be soon. He's very ill.
- I'm getting better!
48
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You'll be stone dead in a moment.
49
00:08:06,012 --> 00:08:08,664
I can't take him like that.
It's against regulations.
50
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- I don't want to go on the cart.
- Don't be such a baby.
51
00:08:12,185 --> 00:08:14,337
- I can't take him.
- I feel fine.
52
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- Well, do us a favor.
- I can't.
53
00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:19,175
Can you hang around a few minutes?
He won't be long.
54
00:08:19,275 --> 00:08:21,969
Got to go to the Robinsons'.
They've lost nine today.
55
00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:23,846
- When's your next round?
- Thursday.
56
00:08:23,946 --> 00:08:27,683
- I think I'll go for a walk.
- You're not fooling anyone, you know.
57
00:08:27,783 --> 00:08:32,738
- Isn't there something you can do?
- I feel happy.
58
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- Thanks very much.
- Not at all. See you on Thursday.
59
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Right.
60
00:08:42,207 --> 00:08:45,126
- Who's that, then?
- I don't know. Must be a king.
61
00:08:45,418 --> 00:08:48,003
- Why?
- He hasn't got shit all over him.
62
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- Old woman!
- Man!
63
00:09:13,989 --> 00:09:17,408
Man. Sorry.
What knight lives in that castle over there?
64
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- I'm 37.
- What?
65
00:09:20,078 --> 00:09:23,906
- I'm 37. I'm not old.
- I can't just call you "man."
66
00:09:24,006 --> 00:09:26,993
- You could say "Dennis."
- I didn't know you were called Dennis.
67
00:09:27,093 --> 00:09:28,744
You didn't bother to find out.
68
00:09:28,844 --> 00:09:31,581
I did say sorry about the "old woman,"
but from behind...
69
00:09:31,681 --> 00:09:34,925
What I object to
is that you treat me like an inferior.
70
00:09:35,051 --> 00:09:37,928
- Well, I am king.
- King? Very nice.
71
00:09:38,513 --> 00:09:41,348
How did you get that?
By exploiting the workers!
72
00:09:41,766 --> 00:09:45,178
By hanging on to outdated
imperialist dogma which perpetuates
73
00:09:45,278 --> 00:09:48,264
the economic and social differences
in our society!
74
00:09:48,364 --> 00:09:52,860
- If there's ever going to be any progress...
- There's some lovely filth down here.
75
00:09:53,904 --> 00:09:55,104
How do you do?
76
00:09:55,204 --> 00:09:58,191
How do you do, good lady?
I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
77
00:09:58,291 --> 00:10:00,693
- Whose castle is that?
- King of the who?
78
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- The Britons.
- Who are the Britons?
79
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We all are. We're all Britons.
And I am your king.
80
00:10:06,958 --> 00:10:10,119
Didn't know we had a king. I thought
we were an autonomous collective.
81
00:10:10,219 --> 00:10:13,039
You're fooling yourself.
We're living in a dictatorship.
82
00:10:13,139 --> 00:10:16,209
A self-perpetuating autocracy
in which the working class...
83
00:10:16,309 --> 00:10:18,794
There you go. Bringing class into it again.
84
00:10:18,894 --> 00:10:23,390
- That's what it's all about. If only people...
- Please, good people. I am in haste.
85
00:10:23,934 --> 00:10:25,684
Who lives in that castle?
86
00:10:26,311 --> 00:10:28,346
- No one lives there.
- Who is your lord?
87
00:10:28,446 --> 00:10:30,389
- We don't have a lord.
- What?
88
00:10:30,489 --> 00:10:33,651
I told you.
We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune.
89
00:10:33,818 --> 00:10:37,230
We take turns to act as
a sort of executive officer for the week.
90
00:10:37,330 --> 00:10:39,899
- Yes.
- But all the decisions of that officer
91
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- are ratified at a biweekly meeting.
- Yes, I see.
92
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- By a majority in the case of internal affairs.
- Be quiet!
93
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- By a two-thirds majority in the case of...
- Be quiet! I order you to be quiet.
94
00:10:51,336 --> 00:10:53,412
"Order." Who does he think he is?
95
00:10:53,512 --> 00:10:56,131
- I am your king!
- I didn't vote for you.
96
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- You don't vote for kings.
- How did you become king then?
97
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The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad
in the purest shimmering samite,
98
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held aloft Excalibur
from the bosom of the water,
99
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signifying, by divine providence,
that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur.
100
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That is why I'm your king!
101
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Listen. Strange women lying in ponds,
distributing swords, is no basis
102
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for a system of government.
Supreme executive power
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derives from a mandate from the masses.
Not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
104
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Be quiet!
105
00:11:29,882 --> 00:11:32,952
You can't expect to wield
supreme executive power
106
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'cause some watery tart
threw a sword at you.
107
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- Shut up!
- If I went around saying I was an emperor
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00:11:39,058 --> 00:11:43,337
because some moistened bint had lobbed
a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
109
00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:47,558
- Will you shut up?
- See the violence inherent in the system.
110
00:11:47,726 --> 00:11:51,312
- Shut up!
- See the violence inherent in the system!
111
00:11:51,479 --> 00:11:54,473
- Help, I'm being repressed!
- Bloody peasant!
112
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What a giveaway. Did you hear that?
113
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That's what I'm on about.
Did you see him repressing me?
114
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You fight with the strength of many men,
Sir Knight.
115
00:13:43,174 --> 00:13:45,342
I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
116
00:13:49,681 --> 00:13:54,184
I seek the finest and bravest knights
in the land to join me in Camelot.
117
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You have proved yourself worthy.
Will you join me?
118
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You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy.
119
00:14:12,036 --> 00:14:13,704
None shall pass.
120
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,165
- What?
- None shall pass.
121
00:14:16,833 --> 00:14:20,578
I have no quarrel with you, good
Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge.
122
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Then you shall die.
123
00:14:23,756 --> 00:14:27,718
I command you, as King of the Britons,
to stand aside.
124
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I move for no man.
125
00:14:33,391 --> 00:14:34,600
So be it!
126
00:15:01,336 --> 00:15:03,412
Now, stand aside, worthy adversary.
127
00:15:03,512 --> 00:15:06,715
- 'Tis but a scratch.
- "A scratch"? Your arm's off.
128
00:15:06,841 --> 00:15:09,218
- No, it isn't.
- Well, what's that, then?
129
00:15:10,303 --> 00:15:11,754
- I've had worse.
- You liar.
130
00:15:11,854 --> 00:15:13,472
Come on, you pansy!
131
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Victory is mine.
132
00:15:24,734 --> 00:15:26,902
We thank thee, Lord, that in thy...
133
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- Come on, then.
- What?
134
00:15:30,114 --> 00:15:31,323
Have at you.
135
00:15:33,034 --> 00:15:35,486
You are brave, Sir Knight,
but the fight is mine.
136
00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:37,162
Had enough, eh?
137
00:15:38,122 --> 00:15:40,741
Look, you stupid bastard.
You've got no arms left.
138
00:15:40,841 --> 00:15:42,292
- Yes, I have.
- Look!
139
00:15:42,710 --> 00:15:44,211
Just a flesh wound.
140
00:15:45,296 --> 00:15:47,706
- Look, stop that.
- Chicken!
141
00:15:47,806 --> 00:15:50,300
I'll have your leg. Right!
142
00:15:53,137 --> 00:15:55,506
- Right! I'll do you for that.
- You'll what?
143
00:15:55,606 --> 00:15:58,509
- Come here.
- What are you going to do? Bleed on me?
144
00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:01,353
- I am invincible!
- You're a loony.
145
00:16:02,105 --> 00:16:05,774
The Black Knight always triumphs.
Have at you!
146
00:16:06,818 --> 00:16:08,068
Come on, then.
147
00:16:13,324 --> 00:16:15,409
All right, we'll call it a draw.
148
00:16:16,327 --> 00:16:18,745
- Come, Patsy.
- Oh, I see.
149
00:16:19,330 --> 00:16:22,833
Running away? You yellow bastard!
150
00:16:22,959 --> 00:16:27,296
Come back here and take what's coming
to you! I'll bite your legs off!
151
00:16:30,842 --> 00:16:34,803
Pie Jesu Domine
152
00:16:35,430 --> 00:16:39,808
Dona eis requiem
153
00:16:42,312 --> 00:16:46,106
Pie Jesu Domine
154
00:16:47,734 --> 00:16:52,696
Dona eis requiem
155
00:17:04,959 --> 00:17:06,877
- A witch!
- We found a witch.
156
00:17:09,047 --> 00:17:11,214
- We got a witch.
- We found a witch.
157
00:17:14,052 --> 00:17:15,510
We've got a witch.
158
00:17:16,929 --> 00:17:18,930
Burn her!
159
00:17:27,523 --> 00:17:31,193
- We have found a witch. May we burn her?
- Burn her!
160
00:17:32,862 --> 00:17:35,947
- How do you know she is a witch?
- She looks like one.
161
00:17:37,992 --> 00:17:39,451
Bring her forward.
162
00:17:40,244 --> 00:17:44,665
- I am not a witch.
- But you are dressed as one.
163
00:17:45,041 --> 00:17:47,826
- They dressed me up like this.
- We didn't!
164
00:17:47,926 --> 00:17:50,504
And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.
165
00:17:54,175 --> 00:17:56,301
- Well?
- Well, we did do the nose.
166
00:17:57,136 --> 00:18:00,013
- The nose?
- And the hat. But she is a witch.
167
00:18:00,390 --> 00:18:03,308
Burn her!
168
00:18:04,268 --> 00:18:08,355
- Did you dress her up like this?
- No. Yes.
169
00:18:08,648 --> 00:18:12,025
Yes, a bit. She has got a wart.
170
00:18:13,569 --> 00:18:17,572
- What makes you think she is a witch?
- Well, she turned me into a newt.
171
00:18:19,033 --> 00:18:20,158
A newt?
172
00:18:24,455 --> 00:18:25,706
I got better.
173
00:18:25,957 --> 00:18:28,625
- Burn her anyway.
- Burn her!
174
00:18:32,338 --> 00:18:37,217
Quiet! There are ways of telling
whether she is a witch.
175
00:18:37,969 --> 00:18:41,346
- Are there? What are they? Tell us.
- Do they hurt?
176
00:18:41,806 --> 00:18:44,725
Tell me, what do you do with witches?
177
00:18:44,892 --> 00:18:47,269
Burn them!
178
00:18:48,354 --> 00:18:52,107
- What do you burn apart from witches?
- More witches!
179
00:18:53,443 --> 00:18:56,945
- Wood.
- So, why do witches burn?
180
00:19:08,416 --> 00:19:10,959
- 'Cause they're made of wood?
- Good.
181
00:19:13,045 --> 00:19:16,506
So, how do we tell
whether she is made of wood?
182
00:19:17,633 --> 00:19:22,345
- Build a bridge out of her.
- Can you not also make bridges of stone?
183
00:19:23,598 --> 00:19:24,639
Oh, yeah.
184
00:19:25,767 --> 00:19:28,143
Does wood sink in water?
185
00:19:28,478 --> 00:19:30,929
- No.
- It floats.
186
00:19:31,029 --> 00:19:32,731
Throw her into the pond!
187
00:19:35,777 --> 00:19:38,862
- What also floats in water?
- Bread.
188
00:19:39,906 --> 00:19:41,782
- Apples.
- Very small rocks.
189
00:19:42,241 --> 00:19:44,910
- Cider. Cherries.
- Gravy. Mud.
190
00:19:45,453 --> 00:19:47,162
- Churches.
- Lead.
191
00:19:47,371 --> 00:19:48,413
A duck!
192
00:19:50,792 --> 00:19:51,833
Exactly.
193
00:19:53,669 --> 00:19:55,295
So, logically...
194
00:19:55,797 --> 00:19:57,422
If she
195
00:19:58,299 --> 00:20:00,592
weighs the same as a duck...
196
00:20:03,054 --> 00:20:04,630
She's made of wood.
197
00:20:04,730 --> 00:20:06,181
And, therefore...
198
00:20:08,392 --> 00:20:09,851
- A witch!
- A witch!
199
00:20:14,565 --> 00:20:16,775
We shall use my largest scales.
200
00:20:37,046 --> 00:20:40,632
Right. Remove the supports!
201
00:20:45,805 --> 00:20:47,013
- A witch!
- A witch!
202
00:20:47,932 --> 00:20:49,724
- It's a fair cop.
- Burn her!
203
00:20:57,817 --> 00:21:00,986
Who are you,
who are so wise in the ways of science?
204
00:21:01,153 --> 00:21:04,447
- I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
- My liege.
205
00:21:05,825 --> 00:21:10,787
Good Sir Knight, will you come to Camelot,
and join us at the Round Table?
206
00:21:11,372 --> 00:21:13,456
My liege, I would be honored.
207
00:21:14,083 --> 00:21:16,668
- What is your name?
- Bedevere, my liege.
208
00:21:17,128 --> 00:21:19,838
Then I dub you Sir Bedevere,
209
00:21:20,715 --> 00:21:22,632
knight of the Round Table.
210
00:21:23,968 --> 00:21:27,880
The wise Sir Bedevere was the first
to join King Arthur's knights.
211
00:21:27,980 --> 00:21:30,849
But other illustrious names
were soon to follow.
212
00:21:31,392 --> 00:21:33,184
Sir Lancelot the Brave.
213
00:21:34,186 --> 00:21:35,896
Sir Galahad the Pure.
214
00:21:36,689 --> 00:21:39,683
And Sir Robin,
the Not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Lancelot,
215
00:21:39,783 --> 00:21:42,019
who had nearly fought
the Dragon of Angnor,
216
00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:45,188
who had nearly stood up to
the vicious Chicken of Bristol,
217
00:21:45,288 --> 00:21:49,034
and who had personally wet himself
at the Battle of Badon Hill.
218
00:21:49,285 --> 00:21:52,746
And the aptly named
Sir Not-appearing-in-this-film.
219
00:21:54,165 --> 00:21:55,866
Together they formed a band
220
00:21:55,966 --> 00:21:59,794
whose names and deeds
were to be retold throughout the centuries.
221
00:21:59,921 --> 00:22:02,339
The Knights of the Round Table.
222
00:22:03,007 --> 00:22:06,418
That, my liege, is how we know
the Earth to be banana-shaped.
223
00:22:06,518 --> 00:22:08,962
This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere.
224
00:22:09,062 --> 00:22:12,883
Explain again how sheep's bladders
may be employed to prevent earthquakes.
225
00:22:12,983 --> 00:22:15,018
- Certainly, sir.
- Look, my liege.
226
00:22:19,023 --> 00:22:20,857
- Camelot.
- Camelot.
227
00:22:21,150 --> 00:22:23,068
- Camelot.
- It's only a model.
228
00:22:24,820 --> 00:22:27,447
Knights, I bid you welcome
to your new home.
229
00:22:27,657 --> 00:22:30,200
Let us ride to Camelot!
230
00:22:32,036 --> 00:22:35,322
We're knights of the Round Table
We dance whene'er we're able
231
00:22:35,422 --> 00:22:38,492
We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impeccable
232
00:22:38,592 --> 00:22:41,878
We dine well here in Camelot
We eat ham and jam and Spam a lot
233
00:22:48,719 --> 00:22:52,889
We're knights of the Round Table
Our shows are formidable
234
00:22:53,599 --> 00:22:55,384
But many times
We're given rhymes
235
00:22:55,484 --> 00:22:58,345
That are quite unsingable
We're opera mad in Camelot
236
00:22:58,445 --> 00:23:00,605
We sing from the diaphragm a lot
237
00:23:15,788 --> 00:23:18,123
In war we're tough and able
238
00:23:18,958 --> 00:23:21,167
Quite indefatigable
239
00:23:21,961 --> 00:23:23,829
Between our quests
We sequin vests
240
00:23:23,929 --> 00:23:27,132
And impersonate Clark Gable
It's a busy life in Camelot
241
00:23:27,508 --> 00:23:31,553
I have to push the pram a lot
242
00:23:36,434 --> 00:23:39,928
No, on second thoughts,
let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.
243
00:23:40,028 --> 00:23:41,271
Right.
244
00:23:50,406 --> 00:23:53,783
Arthur.
245
00:23:54,243 --> 00:23:55,702
King of the Britons.
246
00:23:57,538 --> 00:24:01,283
Don't grovel. If there's one thing
I can't stand, it's people groveling.
247
00:24:01,383 --> 00:24:03,084
- Sorry.
- And don't apologize.
248
00:24:03,544 --> 00:24:07,122
Every time I talk to someone it's
"sorry this," and, "forgive me that,"
249
00:24:07,222 --> 00:24:08,840
and, "I'm not worthy."
250
00:24:09,008 --> 00:24:11,710
- What are you doing now?
- I'm averting my eyes, O Lord.
251
00:24:11,810 --> 00:24:16,347
Don't. It's like those miserable psalms.
They're so depressing.
252
00:24:16,557 --> 00:24:18,300
- Now, knock it off!
- Yes, Lord.
253
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:21,895
Right. Arthur, King of the Britons.
254
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:25,098
Your knights of the Round Table
shall have a task
255
00:24:25,198 --> 00:24:27,893
to make them an example
in these dark times.
256
00:24:27,993 --> 00:24:30,695
- Good idea, O Lord!
- Course it's a good idea.
257
00:24:31,405 --> 00:24:35,116
Behold, Arthur, this is the Holy Grail.
258
00:24:35,367 --> 00:24:39,996
Look well, Arthur,
for it is your sacred task to seek this grail.
259
00:24:40,414 --> 00:24:42,665
That is your purpose, Arthur.
260
00:24:43,584 --> 00:24:46,336
The quest for the Holy Grail.
261
00:24:50,508 --> 00:24:54,344
- A blessing from the Lord.
- God be praised!
262
00:25:52,903 --> 00:25:53,987
Halt!
263
00:26:04,957 --> 00:26:14,757
Hello!
264
00:26:16,468 --> 00:26:18,011
Hello. Who is it?
265
00:26:18,345 --> 00:26:21,931
It is King Arthur, and these are
my knights of the Round Table.
266
00:26:22,099 --> 00:26:23,641
Whose castle is this?
267
00:26:23,851 --> 00:26:27,145
This is the castle of my master,
Guy de Loimbard.
268
00:26:27,438 --> 00:26:31,316
Go and tell your master
that we have been charged by God
269
00:26:31,775 --> 00:26:36,237
with a sacred quest. If he will give us
food and shelter for the night,
270
00:26:36,614 --> 00:26:39,490
he can join us in our quest
for the Holy Grail.
271
00:26:39,825 --> 00:26:42,994
Well, I'll ask him,
but I don't think he'll be very keen.
272
00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:45,163
He's already got one, you see.
273
00:26:46,332 --> 00:26:48,791
- What?
- He says they've already got one!
274
00:26:50,252 --> 00:26:53,963
- Are you sure he's got one?
- Oh, yes. It's very nice.
275
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:57,008
I told him we've already got one.
276
00:27:00,179 --> 00:27:04,474
- Can we come up and have a look?
- Of course not! You are English-types.
277
00:27:06,143 --> 00:27:08,386
- Well, what are you then?
- I'm French.
278
00:27:08,486 --> 00:27:12,482
Why do you think I have
this outrageous accent, you silly king?
279
00:27:12,983 --> 00:27:16,152
- What are you doing in England?
- Mind your own business.
280
00:27:17,821 --> 00:27:21,566
If you will not show us the Grail,
we shall take your castle by force.
281
00:27:21,666 --> 00:27:24,827
You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs!
282
00:27:25,454 --> 00:27:29,374
Go and boil your bottoms,
sons of a silly person.
283
00:27:29,667 --> 00:27:33,544
I blow my nose at you,
so-called Arthur King.
284
00:27:33,796 --> 00:27:37,840
You and all your silly English knights.
285
00:27:44,723 --> 00:27:48,093
- What a strange person.
- Now look here, my good man...
286
00:27:48,193 --> 00:27:50,561
I don't want to talk to you no more,
287
00:27:50,854 --> 00:27:54,148
you empty-headed,
animal food-trough wiper.
288
00:27:54,525 --> 00:27:57,277
I fart in your general direction.
289
00:27:57,778 --> 00:28:02,699
Your mother was a hamster,
and your father smelt of elderberries.
290
00:28:04,910 --> 00:28:07,612
Is there someone else up there
we could talk to?
291
00:28:07,712 --> 00:28:11,582
No. Now go away,
or I shall taunt you a second time.
292
00:28:13,961 --> 00:28:17,630
Now, this is your last chance.
I've been more than reasonable...
293
00:28:17,756 --> 00:28:19,165
- Fetchez la vache!
- Quoi?
294
00:28:19,265 --> 00:28:20,717
Fetchez la vache!
295
00:28:23,095 --> 00:28:26,222
If you do not agree to my commands,
then I shall...
296
00:28:28,058 --> 00:28:29,392
Jesus Christ!
297
00:28:30,811 --> 00:28:31,894
Crikey!
298
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:36,733
Right! Charge!
299
00:28:51,415 --> 00:28:53,958
Run away! Run away!
300
00:29:04,511 --> 00:29:06,804
- Fiends! I'll tear them apart.
- No, no.
301
00:29:06,930 --> 00:29:09,849
Sir, I have a plan, sir.
302
00:30:45,362 --> 00:30:46,438
- Un cadeau.
- What?
303
00:30:46,538 --> 00:30:47,530
- A present.
- Un cadeau.
304
00:30:47,630 --> 00:30:50,116
Oui, allons-y. Let's go.
305
00:31:14,141 --> 00:31:15,300
What happens now?
306
00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:20,313
Well, now, Lancelot, Galahad,
and I wait until nightfall,
307
00:31:20,731 --> 00:31:24,901
and then leap out of the rabbit,
taking the French by surprise.
308
00:31:25,402 --> 00:31:28,070
Not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!
309
00:31:29,072 --> 00:31:30,281
Who leaps out?
310
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:33,534
Lancelot, Galahad, and I
311
00:31:34,786 --> 00:31:36,579
leap out of the rabbit.
312
00:31:42,461 --> 00:31:45,588
Look. If we built this large,
wooden badger...
313
00:31:49,593 --> 00:31:51,969
Run away!
314
00:32:01,772 --> 00:32:04,315
- History for Schools. Take 8.
- Action!
315
00:32:04,775 --> 00:32:08,611
Defeat at the castle seems to have
utterly disheartened King Arthur.
316
00:32:08,946 --> 00:32:13,733
The ferocity of the French taunting
took him completely by surprise.
317
00:32:13,833 --> 00:32:18,120
Arthur became convinced
that a new strategy was required
318
00:32:18,288 --> 00:32:22,667
if the quest for the Holy Grail were
to be brought to a successful conclusion.
319
00:32:22,793 --> 00:32:25,628
Arthur, having consulted
his closest knights
320
00:32:26,004 --> 00:32:30,299
decided that they should separate,
and search for the Grail individually.
321
00:32:30,676 --> 00:32:32,510
Now, this is what they did...
322
00:32:35,806 --> 00:32:36,889
Frank!
323
00:32:48,527 --> 00:32:51,404
So, each of the knights
went their separate ways.
324
00:32:51,697 --> 00:32:54,991
Sir Robin rode north,
through the dark forest of Ewing,
325
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:57,743
accompanied by his favorite minstrels.
326
00:32:58,996 --> 00:33:02,707
Bravely bold Sir Robin
Rode forth from Camelot
327
00:33:03,500 --> 00:33:07,545
He was not afraid to die
O, Brave Sir Robin
328
00:33:07,921 --> 00:33:11,841
He was not at all afraid
To be killed in nasty ways
329
00:33:12,342 --> 00:33:15,011
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin
330
00:33:16,722 --> 00:33:20,516
He was not in the least bit scared
To be mashed into a pulp
331
00:33:21,226 --> 00:33:25,479
Or to have his eyes gouged out
And his elbows broken
332
00:33:25,689 --> 00:33:29,609
To have his kneecaps split
And his body burned away
333
00:33:29,901 --> 00:33:33,112
And his limbs all hacked and mangled
Brave Sir Robin
334
00:33:34,573 --> 00:33:36,649
His head smashed in
And his heart cut out
335
00:33:36,749 --> 00:33:38,651
His liver removed
And his bowels unplugged
336
00:33:38,751 --> 00:33:41,696
His nostrils raped, his bottom burned off
And his penis...
337
00:33:41,796 --> 00:33:44,707
That's enough music for now, lads.
338
00:33:45,542 --> 00:33:47,543
Looks like there's dirty work afoot.
339
00:33:50,130 --> 00:33:52,999
Anarcho-syndicalism
is a way of preserving freedom.
340
00:33:53,099 --> 00:33:56,552
Dennis, forget about freedom.
Don't drop that mud.
341
00:34:00,098 --> 00:34:02,391
Halt! Who art thou?
342
00:34:02,684 --> 00:34:05,428
He is brave Sir Robin, brave Sir Robin...
343
00:34:05,528 --> 00:34:06,812
Shut up!
344
00:34:07,606 --> 00:34:10,941
Nobody, really. I was just passing through.
345
00:34:11,234 --> 00:34:12,477
What do you want?
346
00:34:12,577 --> 00:34:13,978
To fight and...
347
00:34:14,078 --> 00:34:15,279
Shut up!
348
00:34:16,281 --> 00:34:18,074
Nothing. Nothing, really.
349
00:34:19,034 --> 00:34:22,328
- Just to pass through, good Sir Knight.
- I'm afraid not.
350
00:34:24,289 --> 00:34:29,168
- Actually, I am a knight of the Round Table.
- You're a knight of the Round Table?
351
00:34:29,586 --> 00:34:30,620
I am.
352
00:34:30,720 --> 00:34:32,914
- In that case, I have to kill you.
- Shall I?
353
00:34:33,014 --> 00:34:35,208
- I don't think so.
- What do I think?
354
00:34:35,308 --> 00:34:37,126
- Kill him.
- Let's be nice to him.
355
00:34:37,226 --> 00:34:38,294
- Shut up.
- But...
356
00:34:38,394 --> 00:34:39,420
And you!
357
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:41,506
Get the sword out.
I want to cut his head off!
358
00:34:41,606 --> 00:34:44,425
- Cut your own head off.
- Yes, do us all a favor.
359
00:34:44,525 --> 00:34:46,552
- What?
- Yapping on all the time.
360
00:34:46,652 --> 00:34:49,389
- You're lucky you're not next to him.
- What do you mean?
361
00:34:49,489 --> 00:34:51,524
- You snore.
- I don't.
362
00:34:51,733 --> 00:34:54,894
- You've got bad breath.
- Only because you don't brush my teeth.
363
00:34:54,994 --> 00:34:57,355
Stop bitching, and let's go and have tea!
364
00:34:57,455 --> 00:35:01,567
All right! We'll kill him first,
and then have tea and biscuits.
365
00:35:01,667 --> 00:35:02,985
- Yes.
- Not biscuits.
366
00:35:03,085 --> 00:35:06,531
All right! Not biscuits.
But let's kill him anyway.
367
00:35:06,631 --> 00:35:07,707
Right.
368
00:35:10,293 --> 00:35:12,620
- He's buggered off!
- So he has! He's scarpered.
369
00:35:12,720 --> 00:35:14,038
Brave Sir Robin ran away
370
00:35:14,138 --> 00:35:15,130
No!
371
00:35:15,230 --> 00:35:17,041
Bravely ran away, away
372
00:35:17,141 --> 00:35:18,259
I didn't.
373
00:35:19,136 --> 00:35:23,047
When danger reared its ugly head
He bravely turned his tail and fled
374
00:35:23,147 --> 00:35:27,017
Yes, Brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out
375
00:35:27,394 --> 00:35:31,230
Bravely taking to his feet
He beat a very brave retreat
376
00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:33,307
Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin
377
00:35:33,407 --> 00:35:34,567
I never!
378
00:35:36,737 --> 00:35:40,698
Pie Jesu Domine
379
00:35:41,283 --> 00:35:45,745
Dona eis requiem
380
00:37:02,072 --> 00:37:05,366
Open the door.
381
00:37:06,535 --> 00:37:09,662
In the name of King Arthur, open the door!
382
00:37:18,713 --> 00:37:19,755
Hello!
383
00:37:20,298 --> 00:37:24,051
Welcome, gentle Sir Knight.
Welcome to the Castle Anthrax.
384
00:37:25,303 --> 00:37:27,680
- The Castle Anthrax?
- Yes.
385
00:37:28,723 --> 00:37:30,758
It's not a very good name, is it?
386
00:37:30,858 --> 00:37:35,396
But we are nice, and we will attend
to your every, every need!
387
00:37:36,314 --> 00:37:38,691
You are the keepers of the Holy Grail?
388
00:37:38,817 --> 00:37:41,193
- The what?
- The Grail. It is here?
389
00:37:42,195 --> 00:37:45,155
But you are tired, and you must rest awhile.
390
00:37:45,657 --> 00:37:47,074
Midget! Crapper!
391
00:37:47,367 --> 00:37:50,411
- Yes, O Zoot?
- Prepare a bed for our guest.
392
00:37:50,871 --> 00:37:53,455
- Thank you, Zoot.
- Thank you.
393
00:37:53,582 --> 00:37:55,249
Away, away, varletesses!
394
00:37:57,002 --> 00:38:01,130
The beds here are warm and soft,
and very, very big.
395
00:38:01,631 --> 00:38:04,383
- Look, I...
- What is your name, handsome knight?
396
00:38:04,718 --> 00:38:06,802
Sir Galahad the Chaste.
397
00:38:08,013 --> 00:38:10,973
Mine is Zoot. Just Zoot.
398
00:38:11,892 --> 00:38:15,811
- But come.
- Please, in God's name, show me the Grail.
399
00:38:17,063 --> 00:38:20,016
You have suffered much. You are delirious.
400
00:38:20,116 --> 00:38:22,852
- Look, I have seen it. It is here.
- Sir Galahad!
401
00:38:22,952 --> 00:38:26,906
You would not be so ungallant
as to refuse our hospitality.
402
00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:35,164
I'm afraid our life must seem very dull
and quiet, compared to yours.
403
00:38:36,166 --> 00:38:41,128
We're eight score blondes and brunettes,
all between 16 and 19 and a half,
404
00:38:41,504 --> 00:38:44,590
cut off in this castle,
with no one to protect us.
405
00:38:45,717 --> 00:38:47,259
It is a lonely life.
406
00:38:48,011 --> 00:38:53,015
Bathing, dressing, undressing,
making exciting underwear.
407
00:38:54,601 --> 00:38:57,144
We are just not used to handsome knights.
408
00:38:57,479 --> 00:39:00,064
Nay. Come. You may lie here.
409
00:39:02,233 --> 00:39:04,652
- But you are wounded!
- No, it's nothing!
410
00:39:04,945 --> 00:39:09,740
You must see the doctors immediately.
Please, lie down.
411
00:39:12,911 --> 00:39:16,580
- Well, what seems to be the trouble?
- They're doctors?
412
00:39:17,832 --> 00:39:20,042
They have a basic medical training.
413
00:39:20,460 --> 00:39:23,128
Come, come, you must try to rest.
414
00:39:23,838 --> 00:39:26,924
Dr. Piglet! Dr. Winston! Practice your art.
415
00:39:34,391 --> 00:39:37,226
- Try to relax.
- Are you sure that's absolutely necessary?
416
00:39:37,686 --> 00:39:39,186
We must examine you.
417
00:39:42,148 --> 00:39:45,526
- There's nothing wrong with that.
- Please. We are doctors.
418
00:39:47,946 --> 00:39:49,530
Look, this cannot be.
419
00:39:50,073 --> 00:39:52,358
- I am sworn to chastity!
- Back to your bed!
420
00:39:52,458 --> 00:39:55,244
Torment me no longer. I have seen the Grail.
421
00:39:55,578 --> 00:39:58,414
- There's no Grail here.
- I have seen it.
422
00:39:59,499 --> 00:40:01,041
- I have seen...
- Hello.
423
00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:08,132
Hello.
424
00:40:27,861 --> 00:40:31,613
- Zoot!
- I am Zoot's identical twin sister, Dingo.
425
00:40:32,991 --> 00:40:35,534
- Where are you going?
- I seek the Grail.
426
00:40:35,660 --> 00:40:37,870
I have seen it here in this castle!
427
00:40:38,955 --> 00:40:43,333
Oh, no. Bad, bad Zoot!
428
00:40:43,668 --> 00:40:47,004
- What is it?
- Wicked, bad, naughty Zoot!
429
00:40:47,505 --> 00:40:51,717
She has been setting light to our beacon,
which is Grail-shaped.
430
00:40:52,135 --> 00:40:54,462
It's not the first time
we've had this problem.
431
00:40:54,562 --> 00:40:56,263
It's not the real Grail?
432
00:40:56,556 --> 00:40:59,475
Wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot.
433
00:40:59,601 --> 00:41:02,936
She is a bad person,
and must pay the penalty.
434
00:41:04,647 --> 00:41:06,891
Do you think this scene
should have been cut?
435
00:41:06,991 --> 00:41:09,852
We were so worried
when the boys were writing it.
436
00:41:09,952 --> 00:41:13,280
But now we're glad. It's better
than some previous scenes, I think.
437
00:41:13,656 --> 00:41:15,149
Ours was better visually.
438
00:41:15,249 --> 00:41:17,985
Ours was committed.
It wasn't a string of pussy jokes.
439
00:41:18,085 --> 00:41:20,613
- Get on with it.
- Yes. Get on with it!
440
00:41:20,713 --> 00:41:23,332
Get on with it!
441
00:41:23,917 --> 00:41:27,669
- I am enjoying this scene.
- Get on with it!
442
00:41:31,925 --> 00:41:33,467
Wicked, wicked Zoot!
443
00:41:35,720 --> 00:41:37,471
She must pay the penalty.
444
00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:42,476
In Castle Anthrax, we have one punishment
for setting alight the Grail-shaped beacon.
445
00:41:43,103 --> 00:41:46,021
You must tie her down on a bed,
and spank her.
446
00:41:46,231 --> 00:41:48,357
A spanking! A spanking!
447
00:41:48,525 --> 00:41:52,436
You must spank her, and after you've
spanked her, deal with her as you like.
448
00:41:52,536 --> 00:41:54,814
- And, then, spank me.
- And me!
449
00:41:54,914 --> 00:41:56,023
- And me.
- And me.
450
00:41:56,123 --> 00:41:58,609
Yes. You must give us all a good spanking!
451
00:41:58,709 --> 00:42:00,244
A spanking!
452
00:42:02,455 --> 00:42:07,376
- And, after the spanking, the oral sex.
- The oral sex!
453
00:42:08,336 --> 00:42:10,420
Well, I could stay a bit longer.
454
00:42:10,547 --> 00:42:12,665
- Sir Galahad!
- Hello.
455
00:42:12,765 --> 00:42:15,167
- Quick! You are in great peril.
- Why?
456
00:42:15,267 --> 00:42:17,586
- No, he isn't!
- Silence, foul temptress!
457
00:42:17,686 --> 00:42:19,964
- She's got a point.
- We'll cover your escape!
458
00:42:20,064 --> 00:42:22,800
- Look, I'm fine!
- Wait, Sir Galahad!
459
00:42:22,900 --> 00:42:27,146
- I can tackle this lot single-handed!
- Yes, let him tackle us single-handed!
460
00:42:28,189 --> 00:42:29,640
No, Sir Galahad. Come!
461
00:42:29,740 --> 00:42:32,059
Honestly, I can handle this lot easily!
462
00:42:32,159 --> 00:42:34,770
- Yes, let him handle us easily.
- Go! Quick!
463
00:42:34,870 --> 00:42:38,323
Wait! Please! I can defeat them!
There's only 150 of them!
464
00:42:38,658 --> 00:42:41,451
He'll beat us easily. We haven't a chance.
465
00:42:45,582 --> 00:42:46,832
Oh, shit!
466
00:42:47,250 --> 00:42:49,960
- You were in great peril.
- I don't think I was.
467
00:42:50,086 --> 00:42:51,537
You were in terrible peril.
468
00:42:51,637 --> 00:42:54,832
- Let me go back, and face the peril.
- No, it's too perilous.
469
00:42:54,932 --> 00:42:57,209
It's my duty to sample as much peril
as I can.
470
00:42:57,309 --> 00:42:59,044
We've got to find the Holy Grail.
471
00:42:59,144 --> 00:43:01,881
- Let me have just a bit of peril?
- No. It's unhealthy.
472
00:43:01,981 --> 00:43:04,016
- I bet you're gay.
- No, I'm not.
473
00:43:05,602 --> 00:43:09,313
Sir Lancelot had saved Sir Galahad
from almost certain temptation.
474
00:43:09,606 --> 00:43:12,149
But, they were still no nearer the Grail.
475
00:43:12,442 --> 00:43:16,103
King Arthur and Sir Bedevere,
not more than a swallow's flight away,
476
00:43:16,203 --> 00:43:18,113
had discovered something.
477
00:43:19,157 --> 00:43:21,692
That's an unladen swallow's flight,
obviously.
478
00:43:21,792 --> 00:43:24,236
They were more than
two laden swallow's flights away.
479
00:43:24,336 --> 00:43:26,572
Four, with a coconut
on a line between them.
480
00:43:26,672 --> 00:43:28,282
If the birds were...
481
00:43:28,382 --> 00:43:30,284
Get on with it!
482
00:43:30,384 --> 00:43:31,376
Oh, anyway,
483
00:43:31,476 --> 00:43:34,955
on to Scene 24, which is a smashing
scene, with some lovely acting,
484
00:43:35,055 --> 00:43:37,208
in which Arthur discovers a vital clue.
485
00:43:37,308 --> 00:43:40,219
There aren't any swallows,
but I think you can hear a...
486
00:43:42,138 --> 00:43:45,974
And this enchanter of whom you speak,
he has seen the Grail?
487
00:43:51,189 --> 00:43:52,689
Where does he live?
488
00:43:52,899 --> 00:43:54,483
Old man, where does he live?
489
00:43:55,818 --> 00:44:00,697
He knows of a cave.
A cave which no man has entered.
490
00:44:01,157 --> 00:44:04,701
- And the Grail. The Grail is there?
- There is much danger.
491
00:44:05,328 --> 00:44:09,414
For beyond the cave
lies the Gorge of Eternal Peril,
492
00:44:09,958 --> 00:44:12,376
which no man has ever crossed.
493
00:44:12,835 --> 00:44:15,254
But the Grail. Where is the Grail?
494
00:44:15,922 --> 00:44:19,049
Seek you the Bridge of Death.
495
00:44:20,635 --> 00:44:23,345
The Bridge of Death?
Which leads to the Grail?
496
00:45:08,850 --> 00:45:13,637
- Who are you?
- We are the knights who say "Ni"!
497
00:45:13,737 --> 00:45:16,265
- No! Not the knights who say "Ni"?
- The same!
498
00:45:16,365 --> 00:45:20,110
- Who are they?
- We are the keepers of the sacred words.
499
00:45:20,653 --> 00:45:23,989
"Ni," "Peng," and "Neee Wom"!
500
00:45:24,824 --> 00:45:27,318
Those who hear them
seldom live to tell the tale.
501
00:45:27,418 --> 00:45:31,780
The knights who say "Ni"
demand a sacrifice.
502
00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:34,408
Knights of Ni, we are but simple travelers
503
00:45:34,508 --> 00:45:37,202
who seek the enchanter
who lives beyond these woods.
504
00:45:37,302 --> 00:45:38,462
Ni! Ni!
505
00:45:44,427 --> 00:45:48,972
We shall say "Ni" again to you,
if you do not appease us.
506
00:45:49,599 --> 00:45:51,933
- What is it you want?
- We want
507
00:45:53,895 --> 00:45:55,645
a shrubbery.
508
00:45:56,522 --> 00:45:57,556
A what?
509
00:45:57,656 --> 00:46:01,769
- Ni! Ni!
- Please! No more!
510
00:46:01,869 --> 00:46:05,606
- We will find you a shrubbery.
- You must return with a shrubbery,
511
00:46:05,706 --> 00:46:09,076
or else you will never pass
through this wood
512
00:46:09,577 --> 00:46:10,994
alive.
513
00:46:11,287 --> 00:46:13,697
Knights of Ni, you are just and fair.
514
00:46:13,797 --> 00:46:16,658
- We will return with a shrubbery.
- One that looks nice.
515
00:46:16,758 --> 00:46:18,702
- Of course.
- And not too expensive.
516
00:46:18,802 --> 00:46:22,089
- Yes.
- Now go!
517
00:47:05,925 --> 00:47:08,218
Stop that! Stop that!
518
00:47:08,386 --> 00:47:11,221
Go on, clear off! Go away.
519
00:47:14,392 --> 00:47:15,851
And you, clear off!
520
00:47:21,315 --> 00:47:22,357
Bloody weather.
521
00:47:22,942 --> 00:47:24,860
The tale of Sir Lancelot.
522
00:47:31,617 --> 00:47:34,536
One day, lad, all this will be yours.
523
00:47:34,662 --> 00:47:37,156
- What, the curtains?
- No, not the curtains.
524
00:47:37,256 --> 00:47:41,702
All that you can see,
stretched out over the hills and valleys.
525
00:47:41,802 --> 00:47:43,620
That'll be your kingdom, lad.
526
00:47:43,720 --> 00:47:45,464
- But, Mother.
- Father, lad.
527
00:47:45,631 --> 00:47:49,259
- But, Father, I don't want any of that.
- Listen, lad.
528
00:47:49,385 --> 00:47:54,264
I built this kingdom up from nothing.
When I started here, it was a swamp.
529
00:47:54,765 --> 00:47:57,801
Other kings said I was daft
to build a castle on the swamp.
530
00:47:57,901 --> 00:48:01,021
But I built it all the same to show them.
531
00:48:01,522 --> 00:48:03,307
It sank into the swamp.
532
00:48:03,407 --> 00:48:06,226
So, I built a second one.
That sank into the swamp.
533
00:48:06,326 --> 00:48:10,147
So, I built a third one. That burned down,
fell over, then sank in the swamp.
534
00:48:10,247 --> 00:48:12,240
But the fourth one stayed up.
535
00:48:13,075 --> 00:48:15,152
And that's what you'll get, lad.
536
00:48:15,252 --> 00:48:19,998
- The strongest castle in these isles.
- But I don't want any of that.
537
00:48:20,583 --> 00:48:22,375
- I'd rather...
- Rather what?
538
00:48:22,585 --> 00:48:24,586
I'd rather just
539
00:48:25,713 --> 00:48:28,582
- sing.
- Stop that.
540
00:48:28,682 --> 00:48:31,426
You're not going into a song while I'm here!
541
00:48:31,552 --> 00:48:33,837
In 20 minutes, you're marrying a girl
542
00:48:33,937 --> 00:48:37,933
whose father owns
the biggest tracts of open land in Britain.
543
00:48:38,100 --> 00:48:40,844
- But I don't want land.
- Listen, Alice.
544
00:48:40,944 --> 00:48:42,513
- Herbert.
- Herbert.
545
00:48:42,613 --> 00:48:46,024
We live on a bloody swamp,
we need all the land we can get.
546
00:48:46,609 --> 00:48:49,444
- But I don't like her.
- Don't like her?
547
00:48:50,238 --> 00:48:51,688
What's wrong with her?
548
00:48:51,788 --> 00:48:56,076
She's beautiful, she's rich. She's got huge
549
00:48:56,786 --> 00:48:58,203
tracts of land.
550
00:48:59,288 --> 00:49:04,167
I know, but I want the girl
that I marry to have
551
00:49:05,127 --> 00:49:08,588
a certain special something.
552
00:49:09,382 --> 00:49:11,633
Cut that out!
553
00:49:12,969 --> 00:49:17,472
You're marrying Princess Lucky,
so you'd better get used to the idea!
554
00:49:18,808 --> 00:49:19,891
Guards!
555
00:49:20,309 --> 00:49:23,554
Make sure the Prince doesn't leave
the room until I get him.
556
00:49:23,654 --> 00:49:26,640
Not to leave the room,
even if you come and get him.
557
00:49:26,740 --> 00:49:28,775
No. Until I come and get him.
558
00:49:29,110 --> 00:49:32,320
Until you come and get him,
we're not to enter the room.
559
00:49:32,446 --> 00:49:37,284
No, you stay in the room
and make sure he doesn't leave.
560
00:49:37,577 --> 00:49:40,070
- And you'll come and get him.
- Right.
561
00:49:40,170 --> 00:49:43,832
We don't need to do anything,
apart from stop him entering the room.
562
00:49:44,125 --> 00:49:47,252
- No. Leaving the room.
- Leaving the room, yes.
563
00:49:47,503 --> 00:49:49,580
- All right?
- Right. If...
564
00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:52,048
- lf we're...
- Yes?
565
00:49:53,718 --> 00:49:55,919
Look, it's quite simple.
566
00:49:56,019 --> 00:50:00,223
You stay here and make sure
he doesn't leave the room.
567
00:50:01,392 --> 00:50:03,518
- All right?
- I remember.
568
00:50:03,686 --> 00:50:06,021
Can he leave the room with us?
569
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:10,267
No, you just keep him in here,
and make sure...
570
00:50:10,367 --> 00:50:12,644
Yes! We'll keep him in here, obviously.
571
00:50:12,744 --> 00:50:15,905
- But if he had to leave...
- No. Keep him in here!
572
00:50:16,032 --> 00:50:18,742
- Until you, or anyone...
- Not anyone, just me.
573
00:50:18,868 --> 00:50:21,202
- Just you...
- Get back.
574
00:50:21,537 --> 00:50:22,571
- Right?
- Right.
575
00:50:22,671 --> 00:50:24,615
We'll stay here until you get back.
576
00:50:24,715 --> 00:50:27,542
- And make sure he doesn't leave.
- What?
577
00:50:28,878 --> 00:50:31,921
- Make sure he doesn't leave.
- The Prince?
578
00:50:32,048 --> 00:50:35,334
- Yes, make sure he doesn't leave.
- Yes, of course!
579
00:50:35,434 --> 00:50:37,085
I thought you meant him!
580
00:50:37,185 --> 00:50:40,847
It seemed a bit daft
me having to guard him when he's a guard.
581
00:50:41,265 --> 00:50:44,059
- Is that clear?
- Quite clear. No problems.
582
00:50:44,226 --> 00:50:45,268
Right.
583
00:50:47,521 --> 00:50:50,106
- Where are you going?
- We're coming with you.
584
00:50:50,232 --> 00:50:54,361
No, I want you to stay here,
and make sure he doesn't leave.
585
00:50:54,862 --> 00:50:56,071
I see, right.
586
00:50:56,906 --> 00:51:00,575
- But, Father...
- Shut it, and get that suit on.
587
00:51:08,292 --> 00:51:10,251
And no singing!
588
00:51:10,628 --> 00:51:12,587
Go and get a glass of water.
589
00:52:01,303 --> 00:52:03,880
- Well taken, Concorde!
- Thank you, sir, most kind.
590
00:52:03,980 --> 00:52:05,473
And again!
591
00:52:05,808 --> 00:52:08,885
Over we go! Good, steady!
592
00:52:08,985 --> 00:52:11,187
Now, the big one!
593
00:52:12,022 --> 00:52:14,065
Come on, Concorde!
594
00:52:15,192 --> 00:52:17,318
Message for you, sir.
595
00:52:19,864 --> 00:52:21,740
Concorde, speak to me!
596
00:52:31,417 --> 00:52:33,076
"To whoever finds this note.
597
00:52:33,176 --> 00:52:37,255
"I have been imprisoned by my father,
598
00:52:37,673 --> 00:52:40,250
"who wishes me to marry against my will.
599
00:52:40,350 --> 00:52:42,886
"Please, please come and rescue me.
600
00:52:43,387 --> 00:52:46,840
"I am in the tall tower of Swamp Castle."
601
00:52:46,940 --> 00:52:50,226
At last! A call! A cry of distress!
602
00:52:50,352 --> 00:52:53,513
This could be the sign
that leads us to the Holy Grail!
603
00:52:53,613 --> 00:52:58,193
Brave Concorde,
you shall not have died in vain!
604
00:52:58,527 --> 00:53:00,236
I'm not quite dead, sir.
605
00:53:02,364 --> 00:53:04,941
You shall not have been mortally wounded
in vain!
606
00:53:05,041 --> 00:53:07,368
I think I could pull through, sir.
607
00:53:08,370 --> 00:53:10,864
- I see.
- I think I'm all right to come with you.
608
00:53:10,964 --> 00:53:12,699
No, sweet Concorde! Stay here.
609
00:53:12,799 --> 00:53:15,952
I will send help as soon as
I have accomplished a daring and
610
00:53:16,052 --> 00:53:18,797
heroic rescue in my own particular...
611
00:53:22,092 --> 00:53:23,885
- Idiom, sir?
- Idiom!
612
00:53:24,053 --> 00:53:27,430
- No, I feel fine, actually, sir.
- Farewell, sweet Concorde!
613
00:53:28,432 --> 00:53:31,601
I'll just stay here, shall I, sir?
614
00:53:33,646 --> 00:53:34,771
Yeah.
615
00:54:13,936 --> 00:54:15,270
- Morning.
- Morning.
616
00:55:00,149 --> 00:55:01,149
Hey!
617
00:55:52,534 --> 00:55:54,869
You're not allowed to enter the room...
618
00:55:56,914 --> 00:55:59,908
Fair one, behold your humble servant,
Sir Lancelot of Camelot.
619
00:56:00,008 --> 00:56:03,920
- I have come to take... I'm terribly sorry.
- You got my note!
620
00:56:04,254 --> 00:56:08,132
- I got a note.
- You've come to rescue me?
621
00:56:08,550 --> 00:56:11,344
- Well, no, you see...
- I knew someone would.
622
00:56:11,637 --> 00:56:16,265
I knew that somewhere out there,
there must be someone...
623
00:56:17,059 --> 00:56:19,268
Stop that! Stop it!
624
00:56:20,813 --> 00:56:21,809
Who are you?
625
00:56:21,909 --> 00:56:23,515
- I'm your son.
- No, not you.
626
00:56:23,615 --> 00:56:26,810
- I'm Sir Lancelot, sir.
- He's come to rescue me, Father.
627
00:56:26,910 --> 00:56:31,114
- Let's not jump to conclusions.
- Did you kill all those guards?
628
00:56:31,240 --> 00:56:33,024
Yes. Sorry.
629
00:56:33,124 --> 00:56:35,568
- They cost 50 pounds each.
- I'm awfully sorry.
630
00:56:35,668 --> 00:56:39,747
Don't be afraid of him, Sir Lancelot.
I've got a rope ready.
631
00:56:40,499 --> 00:56:42,875
You killed eight wedding guests and all!
632
00:56:43,043 --> 00:56:45,370
Well, you see,
I thought your son was a lady.
633
00:56:45,470 --> 00:56:46,788
I can understand that.
634
00:56:46,888 --> 00:56:49,207
- Hurry, Sir Lancelot! Hurry!
- Shut up!
635
00:56:49,307 --> 00:56:52,711
- You only killed the bride's father!
- I didn't mean to.
636
00:56:52,811 --> 00:56:55,547
Didn't mean to?
You put your sword through his head!
637
00:56:55,647 --> 00:56:58,633
- Oh dear, is he all right?
- You kicked the bride in the chest!
638
00:56:58,733 --> 00:57:01,219
- It's going to cost me a fortune!
- I can explain.
639
00:57:01,319 --> 00:57:05,098
I was in the forest, riding north
from Camelot, when I got this note.
640
00:57:05,198 --> 00:57:07,817
- Are you from Camelot?
- Hurry, Sir Lancelot!
641
00:57:07,943 --> 00:57:10,020
I'm a knight of King Arthur, sir.
642
00:57:10,120 --> 00:57:13,114
Very nice castle, Camelot.
Very good pig country.
643
00:57:13,866 --> 00:57:16,901
- Is it?
- I am ready!
644
00:57:17,001 --> 00:57:20,747
- Would you like to come have a drink?
- That's awfully nice of you.
645
00:57:21,081 --> 00:57:24,242
- I am ready!
- I mean, to be so understanding.
646
00:57:24,342 --> 00:57:28,254
You see, when I'm in this idiom,
I sometimes get a bit carried away.
647
00:57:34,928 --> 00:57:38,381
Now, this is the main hall.
We'll have all this knocked through...
648
00:57:38,481 --> 00:57:41,976
- There he is!
- Bloody hell.
649
00:57:51,570 --> 00:57:55,315
- Hold it, please!
- See what I mean? I get carried away.
650
00:57:55,415 --> 00:57:58,318
I'm really most awfully sorry.
Sorry, everyone.
651
00:57:58,418 --> 00:57:59,827
He's killed the best man!
652
00:58:01,371 --> 00:58:05,867
Hold it, please, hold it.
This is Sir Lancelot
653
00:58:05,967 --> 00:58:10,963
from the Court of Camelot,
a brave and influential knight.
654
00:58:11,715 --> 00:58:14,584
- And my special guest here today.
- Hello.
655
00:58:14,684 --> 00:58:16,302
He killed my auntie!
656
00:58:17,054 --> 00:58:21,682
No, please!
This is supposed to be a happy occasion!
657
00:58:21,809 --> 00:58:25,728
Let's not bicker and argue
about who killed who.
658
00:58:26,522 --> 00:58:31,025
We are here today to witness the union
of two young people
659
00:58:31,151 --> 00:58:33,486
in the joyful bond of holy wedlock.
660
00:58:35,072 --> 00:58:38,866
Unfortunately, one of them,
my son Herbert,
661
00:58:39,660 --> 00:58:41,702
has just fallen to his death.
662
00:58:42,538 --> 00:58:46,040
But I don't want to think I've lost a son,
so much as
663
00:58:46,542 --> 00:58:48,209
gained a daughter.
664
00:58:48,919 --> 00:58:52,163
For, since the tragic death of her father...
665
00:58:52,263 --> 00:58:54,382
He's not quite dead!
666
00:58:55,717 --> 00:58:58,761
Since the near fatal wounding of her father...
667
00:58:58,887 --> 00:59:00,638
He's getting better!
668
00:59:02,558 --> 00:59:05,893
For, since her own father
669
00:59:06,019 --> 00:59:09,355
who, when he seemed about to recover,
670
00:59:09,773 --> 00:59:13,234
suddenly felt the icy hand of death
upon him.
671
00:59:14,194 --> 00:59:15,361
He's died!
672
00:59:15,863 --> 00:59:19,482
I want his only daughter to look upon me
673
00:59:19,582 --> 00:59:24,078
as her own dad, in a very real,
and legally binding sense.
674
00:59:25,914 --> 00:59:30,585
And I feel sure that the merger,
the union between the Princess
675
00:59:31,295 --> 00:59:35,047
and the brave but dangerous
Sir Lancelot of Camelot...
676
00:59:35,465 --> 00:59:38,593
- What?
- Look, the dead Prince!
677
00:59:41,263 --> 00:59:44,765
- He's not quite dead!
- I feel much better.
678
00:59:44,892 --> 00:59:47,768
You fell out of the tall tower, you creep!
679
00:59:48,061 --> 00:59:51,814
- No, I was saved at the last minute.
- How?
680
00:59:52,107 --> 00:59:53,774
I'll tell you.
681
00:59:55,110 --> 00:59:57,612
Not like that! Not like that.
682
00:59:57,738 --> 01:00:01,449
He's going to tell
He's going to tell
683
01:00:05,829 --> 01:00:07,739
Quickly, sir, come this way!
684
01:00:07,839 --> 01:00:11,751
No, it's not right for my idiom.
I must escape more...
685
01:00:13,629 --> 01:00:16,797
- Dramatically, sir?
- Dramatically.
686
01:00:28,977 --> 01:00:31,771
Excuse me,
could somebody give me a push, please?
687
01:00:47,537 --> 01:00:49,205
Old crone!
688
01:00:50,832 --> 01:00:54,335
Is there anywhere in this town
where we could buy a shrubbery?
689
01:00:55,170 --> 01:00:58,673
- Who sent you?
- The knights who say "Ni"!
690
01:00:58,840 --> 01:01:01,626
No! We have no shrubberies here.
691
01:01:01,726 --> 01:01:05,846
If you do not tell us where we can buy
a shrubbery, my friend and I
692
01:01:06,223 --> 01:01:07,515
will say...
693
01:01:08,684 --> 01:01:11,519
We will say "Ni."
694
01:01:12,145 --> 01:01:13,429
Do your worst!
695
01:01:13,529 --> 01:01:17,692
Very well.
If you will not assist us voluntarily...
696
01:01:21,363 --> 01:01:22,530
- Ni!
- No!
697
01:01:23,323 --> 01:01:25,574
Never. No shrubberies.
698
01:01:25,909 --> 01:01:27,660
- Ni!
- Noo!
699
01:01:27,911 --> 01:01:30,204
No, it's not that, it's "Ni."
700
01:01:31,039 --> 01:01:33,416
No, you're not doing it properly.
701
01:01:33,542 --> 01:01:35,042
- Ni.
- You've got it.
702
01:01:35,168 --> 01:01:38,121
- Ni!
- Ni!
703
01:01:38,221 --> 01:01:41,340
Are you saying "Ni" to that old woman?
704
01:01:42,551 --> 01:01:43,626
Yes.
705
01:01:43,726 --> 01:01:48,639
What sad times are these when passing
ruffians can say "Ni" at will to old ladies.
706
01:01:49,224 --> 01:01:52,393
There is a pestilence upon this land.
Nothing is sacred.
707
01:01:52,728 --> 01:01:56,514
Even those who arrange shrubberies
are under considerable economic stress
708
01:01:56,614 --> 01:01:58,607
at this period in history.
709
01:01:58,734 --> 01:02:01,402
- Did you say "shrubberies"?
- Yes.
710
01:02:01,528 --> 01:02:04,522
Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber.
711
01:02:04,622 --> 01:02:09,243
My name is Roger the Shrubber.
I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.
712
01:02:10,037 --> 01:02:12,246
- Ni!
- No!
713
01:02:13,248 --> 01:02:16,159
Knights of Ni,
we have brought you your shrubbery.
714
01:02:16,259 --> 01:02:18,586
- May we go?
- It is a good shrubbery.
715
01:02:18,795 --> 01:02:23,132
I like the laurels particularly.
But there is one small problem.
716
01:02:23,717 --> 01:02:24,834
What is that?
717
01:02:24,934 --> 01:02:29,263
We are now no longer
the knights who say "Ni."
718
01:02:30,223 --> 01:02:32,175
We are now the knights who say,
719
01:02:32,275 --> 01:02:35,770
"Ekke Ekke Ekke Ptang Zoo Boing"!
720
01:02:36,688 --> 01:02:38,806
Therefore, we must give you a test.
721
01:02:38,906 --> 01:02:42,485
What is this test,
knights who until recently said "Ni"?
722
01:02:43,236 --> 01:02:45,404
Firstly, you must find
723
01:02:46,114 --> 01:02:47,823
another shrubbery!
724
01:02:48,992 --> 01:02:51,452
Not another shrubbery!
725
01:02:51,578 --> 01:02:55,289
Then you must bring it here
beside this shrubbery.
726
01:02:55,499 --> 01:02:59,035
Higher, so you get the two-level effect
with a path going down the middle.
727
01:02:59,135 --> 01:03:01,170
A path! A path!
728
01:03:01,296 --> 01:03:04,423
Then, when you have found
the shrubberies,
729
01:03:04,800 --> 01:03:08,094
you must cut down
the mightiest tree in the forest
730
01:03:08,804 --> 01:03:11,972
with a herring!
731
01:03:13,266 --> 01:03:15,935
- We shall do no such thing.
- Please.
732
01:03:16,311 --> 01:03:19,480
Cut down a tree with a herring?
It can't be done.
733
01:03:21,191 --> 01:03:23,059
- Don't say that word.
- What word?
734
01:03:23,159 --> 01:03:25,152
I cannot tell. Suffice to say,
735
01:03:25,278 --> 01:03:27,939
it's one of the words
the knights of Ni cannot hear.
736
01:03:28,039 --> 01:03:30,942
How can we not say the word
if you don't tell us what it is?
737
01:03:31,042 --> 01:03:33,160
- He did it again.
- What? "Is"?
738
01:03:33,578 --> 01:03:37,782
No, not "is"! You wouldn't get
very far in life not saying "is."
739
01:03:37,882 --> 01:03:39,375
My liege, it's Robin.
740
01:03:39,501 --> 01:03:43,879
He's jacking it in and packing it up
And sneaking away and buggering off
741
01:03:44,005 --> 01:03:48,584
And chickening out and pissing a pot
Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge
742
01:03:48,684 --> 01:03:49,919
- Robin.
- My liege.
743
01:03:50,019 --> 01:03:51,587
- It's good to see you.
- Now he's said the word!
744
01:03:51,687 --> 01:03:54,257
You haven't given up your quest
for the Holy Grail?
745
01:03:54,357 --> 01:03:55,675
He is sneaking away and...
746
01:03:55,775 --> 01:03:56,851
Shut up!
747
01:03:57,352 --> 01:03:59,846
- No, far from it.
- You said the word again.
748
01:03:59,946 --> 01:04:04,525
I was looking for it here in this forest.
749
01:04:04,693 --> 01:04:09,029
- No, it is far from this place.
- Stop saying the word!
750
01:04:09,156 --> 01:04:11,615
- The word we cannot hear!
- Stop it!
751
01:04:11,783 --> 01:04:13,776
- He said "it" again!
- That's it!
752
01:04:13,876 --> 01:04:16,871
I've said "it." I've said "it."
I've said "it" again!
753
01:04:16,997 --> 01:04:19,206
That's three "its"!
754
01:04:25,380 --> 01:04:29,876
And so Arthur and Bedevere and
Sir Robin set out on their search to find
755
01:04:29,976 --> 01:04:33,888
the enchanter of whom
the old man had spoken in Scene 24.
756
01:04:35,390 --> 01:04:38,225
Beyond the forest
they met Lancelot and Galahad,
757
01:04:38,351 --> 01:04:40,728
and there was much rejoicing.
758
01:04:52,240 --> 01:04:54,484
In the frozen land of Nador,
759
01:04:54,584 --> 01:04:57,369
they were forced to eat Robin's minstrels.
760
01:04:58,038 --> 01:05:00,289
And there was much rejoicing.
761
01:05:01,917 --> 01:05:03,584
A year passed.
762
01:05:07,422 --> 01:05:09,882
Winter changed into spring.
763
01:05:10,425 --> 01:05:12,551
Spring changed into summer.
764
01:05:13,094 --> 01:05:15,505
Summer changed back into winter,
765
01:05:15,605 --> 01:05:20,142
and winter gave spring and summer
a miss and went straight on into autumn.
766
01:05:21,436 --> 01:05:22,686
Until one day.
767
01:05:44,918 --> 01:05:46,252
Knights,
768
01:05:47,462 --> 01:05:48,754
forward!
769
01:06:25,792 --> 01:06:28,369
What manner of man are you
that can summon up fire
770
01:06:28,469 --> 01:06:32,881
- without flint or tinder?
- I am an enchanter.
771
01:06:35,927 --> 01:06:39,763
- By what name are you known?
- There are some who call me...
772
01:06:41,850 --> 01:06:44,518
- Tim.
- Greetings, Tim the enchanter!
773
01:06:44,644 --> 01:06:47,021
Greetings, King Arthur.
774
01:06:47,856 --> 01:06:49,523
- You know my name?
- I do.
775
01:06:57,532 --> 01:07:00,284
You seek the Holy Grail.
776
01:07:00,869 --> 01:07:03,946
That is our quest.
You know much that is hidden, Tim.
777
01:07:04,046 --> 01:07:05,289
Quite.
778
01:07:13,548 --> 01:07:15,966
Yes, we are looking for the Holy Grail.
779
01:07:16,217 --> 01:07:20,137
- Our quest is to find the Holy Grail.
- Yes, it is.
780
01:07:23,350 --> 01:07:26,560
- And so we're looking for it.
- Yes, we are.
781
01:07:26,686 --> 01:07:29,521
- We have been for some time.
- Ages.
782
01:07:32,150 --> 01:07:36,570
So, anything you could do to help
would be
783
01:07:39,032 --> 01:07:40,157
very
784
01:07:41,409 --> 01:07:44,244
- helpful.
- Look, can you tell us where...
785
01:07:48,083 --> 01:07:51,085
Fine, I don't want to waste
any more of your time,
786
01:07:51,211 --> 01:07:55,089
but I don't suppose you could tell us
where we might find a...
787
01:07:58,218 --> 01:07:59,843
A what?
788
01:08:02,013 --> 01:08:03,589
A grail?
789
01:08:03,689 --> 01:08:05,849
Yes, I think so.
790
01:08:06,393 --> 01:08:07,434
Yes.
791
01:08:08,603 --> 01:08:09,770
Yes!
792
01:08:11,940 --> 01:08:14,775
- Thank you.
- Splendid!
793
01:08:18,613 --> 01:08:21,190
Look, you're a busy man...
794
01:08:21,290 --> 01:08:25,953
Yes, I can help you find the Holy Grail.
795
01:08:26,413 --> 01:08:31,200
To the north, there lies a cave.
The Cave of Caerbannog.
796
01:08:31,300 --> 01:08:35,629
Wherein, carved in mystic runes,
upon the very living rock,
797
01:08:36,089 --> 01:08:39,425
the last words of Olfin Bedwere of Rheged
798
01:08:41,553 --> 01:08:46,473
make plain the last resting place
of the most Holy Grail.
799
01:08:47,392 --> 01:08:50,477
- Where could we find this cave, Tim?
- Follow!
800
01:08:51,980 --> 01:08:56,066
But follow only if ye be men of valor.
801
01:08:56,484 --> 01:08:59,945
For the entrance to this cave
is guarded by a creature
802
01:09:00,447 --> 01:09:03,657
so foul, so cruel,
803
01:09:03,783 --> 01:09:06,994
that no man yet has fought with it and lived.
804
01:09:08,580 --> 01:09:13,584
Bones of full 50 men lie strewn
about its lair.
805
01:09:14,127 --> 01:09:18,505
So, brave knights,
if you do doubt your courage
806
01:09:19,007 --> 01:09:21,842
or your strength, come no further,
807
01:09:22,177 --> 01:09:27,139
for death awaits you all
with nasty, big, pointy teeth.
808
01:09:29,601 --> 01:09:31,477
What an eccentric performance!
809
01:09:45,033 --> 01:09:46,442
They're nervous, sire.
810
01:09:46,542 --> 01:09:49,111
Then we'd best leave them here
and carry on, on foot.
811
01:09:49,211 --> 01:09:50,704
Dismount!
812
01:10:03,843 --> 01:10:07,846
Behold the Cave of Caerbannog!
813
01:10:10,266 --> 01:10:13,393
- Right, keep me covered.
- What with?
814
01:10:14,145 --> 01:10:16,522
- Just keep me covered.
- Too late.
815
01:10:17,857 --> 01:10:19,024
There he is!
816
01:10:22,111 --> 01:10:24,279
- Where?
- There.
817
01:10:25,323 --> 01:10:28,367
- What, behind the rabbit?
- It is the rabbit.
818
01:10:30,495 --> 01:10:32,947
- You silly sod!
- What?
819
01:10:33,047 --> 01:10:34,490
You got us all worked up.
820
01:10:34,590 --> 01:10:36,283
That's no ordinary rabbit.
821
01:10:36,383 --> 01:10:41,338
That's the most foul, cruel and
bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on.
822
01:10:41,506 --> 01:10:45,133
You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!
823
01:10:45,260 --> 01:10:48,754
Look, that rabbit's got
a vicious streak a mile wide.
824
01:10:48,854 --> 01:10:50,840
- It's a killer!
- Get stuffed.
825
01:10:50,940 --> 01:10:53,259
- He'll do you up a treat, mate!
- Yeah?
826
01:10:53,359 --> 01:10:55,886
- You manky Scots git!
- I'm warning you.
827
01:10:55,986 --> 01:10:59,648
- What's he do? Nibble your bum?
- He's got huge, sharp...
828
01:11:00,692 --> 01:11:02,442
It can leap about...
829
01:11:02,902 --> 01:11:06,321
- Look at the bones!
- Go on, Bors, chop its head off.
830
01:11:06,447 --> 01:11:10,158
Right. Silly little bleeder.
One rabbit stew coming right up.
831
01:11:12,537 --> 01:11:13,996
Look!
832
01:11:16,875 --> 01:11:20,035
- Jesus Christ!
- I warned you!
833
01:11:20,135 --> 01:11:22,204
- I've done it again.
- I warned you.
834
01:11:22,304 --> 01:11:25,632
But did you listen to me?
No, you knew it all, didn't you?
835
01:11:25,800 --> 01:11:30,337
It's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it?
Well, it's always the same.
836
01:11:30,437 --> 01:11:33,056
- I always...
- Shut up!
837
01:11:34,517 --> 01:11:36,351
Charge!
838
01:11:53,036 --> 01:11:55,495
Run away!
839
01:12:04,881 --> 01:12:06,916
- How many did we lose?
- Gawain.
840
01:12:07,016 --> 01:12:09,043
- Ector.
- And Bors. That's five.
841
01:12:09,143 --> 01:12:11,094
- Three.
- Three.
842
01:12:11,471 --> 01:12:15,132
We better not risk another frontal assault,
that rabbit's dynamite.
843
01:12:15,232 --> 01:12:17,843
Would it help to confuse it
if we run away more?
844
01:12:17,943 --> 01:12:21,305
- Shut up and change your armor.
- Let us taunt it.
845
01:12:21,405 --> 01:12:24,183
It may become so cross
that it will make a mistake.
846
01:12:24,283 --> 01:12:25,400
Like what?
847
01:12:26,694 --> 01:12:27,736
Well...
848
01:12:30,907 --> 01:12:32,858
- Have we got bows?
- No.
849
01:12:32,958 --> 01:12:35,319
- We have the Holy Hand Grenade.
- Yes, of course!
850
01:12:35,419 --> 01:12:37,154
The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.
851
01:12:37,254 --> 01:12:40,074
It's one of the sacred relics
Brother Maynard carries.
852
01:12:40,174 --> 01:12:43,251
Brother Maynard!
Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade.
853
01:13:14,742 --> 01:13:16,034
How does it...
854
01:13:16,744 --> 01:13:17,903
How does it work?
855
01:13:18,003 --> 01:13:20,823
- I know not, my liege.
- Consult the Book of Armaments.
856
01:13:20,923 --> 01:13:24,710
Armaments 2: 9-21.
857
01:13:28,047 --> 01:13:31,967
"And St. Attila raised the hand grenade
up on high, saying,
858
01:13:32,677 --> 01:13:36,797
"'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade,
that with it thou mayest
859
01:13:36,897 --> 01:13:40,559
"'blow thine enemies
to tiny bits, in thy mercy.'
860
01:13:41,227 --> 01:13:44,304
"And the Lord did grin
and the people did feast upon
861
01:13:44,404 --> 01:13:49,359
"the lambs and sloths and carp
and anchovies and orangutans
862
01:13:49,902 --> 01:13:52,312
"and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and..."
863
01:13:52,412 --> 01:13:53,905
Skip a bit, Brother.
864
01:13:55,700 --> 01:14:00,454
"The Lord spake, saying,
'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin,
865
01:14:01,289 --> 01:14:05,709
"'then shalt thou count to three,
no more, no less.
866
01:14:06,627 --> 01:14:09,288
"'Three shalt be the number
thou shalt count,
867
01:14:09,388 --> 01:14:12,382
"'and the number
of the counting shalt be three.
868
01:14:12,967 --> 01:14:16,595
"'Four shalt thou not count,
neither count thou two,
869
01:14:17,138 --> 01:14:19,806
"'excepting that thou then proceed to three.
870
01:14:21,142 --> 01:14:23,477
"'Five is right out.
871
01:14:24,645 --> 01:14:28,148
"'Once the number three,
being the third number be reached,
872
01:14:28,566 --> 01:14:31,818
"'then lobbest thou
thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch
873
01:14:31,944 --> 01:14:35,655
"'towards thy foe,
who, being naughty in my sight,
874
01:14:36,324 --> 01:14:37,991
"'shall snuff it."'
875
01:14:38,659 --> 01:14:41,070
Amen.
876
01:14:41,170 --> 01:14:42,245
Right.
877
01:14:42,914 --> 01:14:45,157
One, two, five!
878
01:14:45,257 --> 01:14:47,125
- Three, sir!
- Three!
879
01:15:33,089 --> 01:15:34,589
There! Look!
880
01:15:35,508 --> 01:15:37,876
- What does it say?
- What language is that?
881
01:15:37,976 --> 01:15:40,220
Brother Maynard, you're our scholar.
882
01:15:40,388 --> 01:15:41,930
It is Aramaic!
883
01:15:42,265 --> 01:15:45,142
Of course. Joseph of Arimathea!
884
01:15:45,476 --> 01:15:47,561
- Of course.
- What does it say?
885
01:15:47,687 --> 01:15:51,014
It reads, "Here may be found
886
01:15:51,114 --> 01:15:54,734
"the last words of Joseph of Arimathea.
887
01:15:55,444 --> 01:15:58,697
"'He who is valiant and pure of spirit
888
01:15:59,490 --> 01:16:01,700
"'may find the Holy Grail
889
01:16:02,034 --> 01:16:06,329
"'in the Castle of Aaargh."'
890
01:16:08,249 --> 01:16:09,416
What?
891
01:16:10,168 --> 01:16:14,004
"The Castle of Aaargh."
892
01:16:14,672 --> 01:16:15,922
What is that?
893
01:16:16,465 --> 01:16:18,667
He must have died while carving it.
894
01:16:18,767 --> 01:16:21,595
- Come on!
- That's what it says.
895
01:16:21,721 --> 01:16:25,307
Look, if he was dying,
he wouldn't bother to carve "Aaargh."
896
01:16:25,516 --> 01:16:28,935
- He'd just say it.
- That's what's carved in the rock.
897
01:16:29,312 --> 01:16:31,305
- Perhaps he was dictating it.
- Shut up!
898
01:16:31,405 --> 01:16:33,682
- Does it say anything else?
- No!
899
01:16:33,782 --> 01:16:37,027
Just "Aaargh."
900
01:16:38,988 --> 01:16:41,398
Aaargh.
901
01:16:41,498 --> 01:16:45,235
Do you suppose he meant the Camargue?
902
01:16:45,335 --> 01:16:47,321
- Where's that?
- In France, I think.
903
01:16:47,421 --> 01:16:52,209
- Isn't there a St. Aaargh's in Cornwall?
- No, that's St. Ives.
904
01:16:52,501 --> 01:16:54,669
St. Ives.
905
01:16:56,839 --> 01:16:59,374
No, "Aaargh." At the back of the throat.
906
01:16:59,474 --> 01:17:02,594
No, "Ooh," in surprise and alarm!
907
01:17:02,845 --> 01:17:05,597
- You mean a sort of an "Ah!"
- Yes, that's right.
908
01:17:07,308 --> 01:17:08,308
My God!
909
01:17:11,145 --> 01:17:13,813
It's the legendary Black Beast of...
910
01:17:16,108 --> 01:17:19,069
That's it! Run away!
911
01:17:28,829 --> 01:17:30,330
Keep running.
912
01:17:35,127 --> 01:17:36,419
We've lost him.
913
01:17:38,214 --> 01:17:40,966
As the horrendous Black Beast
lunged forward,
914
01:17:41,676 --> 01:17:44,461
escape for Arthur
and his knights seemed hopeless.
915
01:17:44,561 --> 01:17:48,556
When, suddenly, the animator
suffered a fatal heart attack.
916
01:17:48,891 --> 01:17:51,476
The cartoon peril was no more.
917
01:17:52,270 --> 01:17:55,146
The quest for the Holy Grail could continue.
918
01:18:07,285 --> 01:18:08,910
There it is!
919
01:18:09,161 --> 01:18:13,373
- The Bridge of Death.
- Great.
920
01:18:13,541 --> 01:18:16,493
Look! There's the old man from Scene 24.
921
01:18:16,593 --> 01:18:20,338
- What's he doing here?
- He is the keeper of the Bridge of Death.
922
01:18:20,840 --> 01:18:23,166
He asks each traveler five questions.
923
01:18:23,266 --> 01:18:25,210
- Three questions.
- Three questions.
924
01:18:25,310 --> 01:18:28,880
- He who answers the five questions...
- Three questions.
925
01:18:28,980 --> 01:18:33,427
...three questions, may cross in safety.
- What if you get a question wrong?
926
01:18:33,527 --> 01:18:37,022
Then you are cast
into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.
927
01:18:37,273 --> 01:18:40,442
- Oh, wacko.
- Who's going to answer the questions?
928
01:18:40,568 --> 01:18:43,403
Brave Sir Robin, you go.
929
01:18:44,155 --> 01:18:46,156
I've got a great idea.
930
01:18:46,782 --> 01:18:48,317
Why doesn't Lancelot go?
931
01:18:48,417 --> 01:18:51,153
Yes, let me go, my liege.
I will take him single-handed.
932
01:18:51,253 --> 01:18:54,914
- I shall make a feint to the northeast...
- Hang on!
933
01:18:55,124 --> 01:18:57,743
- Just answer the five questions...
- Three questions.
934
01:18:57,843 --> 01:19:01,838
...three questions, as best you can.
And we shall watch and pray.
935
01:19:02,048 --> 01:19:03,882
I understand, my liege.
936
01:19:04,133 --> 01:19:07,761
Good luck, brave Sir Lancelot.
God be with you.
937
01:19:12,224 --> 01:19:13,266
Stop!
938
01:19:14,852 --> 01:19:19,481
Who would cross the Bridge of Death,
must answer me these questions three.
939
01:19:19,648 --> 01:19:21,858
Ere the other side he see.
940
01:19:22,068 --> 01:19:25,070
Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper.
I'm not afraid.
941
01:19:25,321 --> 01:19:29,240
- What is your name?
- My name is Sir Lancelot of Camelot.
942
01:19:29,992 --> 01:19:31,743
What is your quest?
943
01:19:31,994 --> 01:19:34,037
To seek the Holy Grail.
944
01:19:34,538 --> 01:19:36,664
What is your favorite color?
945
01:19:37,124 --> 01:19:39,376
- Blue.
- Right. Off you go.
946
01:19:40,836 --> 01:19:42,754
Well, thank you very much.
947
01:19:47,218 --> 01:19:48,426
That's easy.
948
01:19:51,472 --> 01:19:52,514
Stop.
949
01:19:53,265 --> 01:19:57,936
Who approacheth the Bridge of Death,
must answer me these questions three.
950
01:19:58,312 --> 01:20:00,522
Ere the other side he see.
951
01:20:01,357 --> 01:20:04,101
Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper.
I'm not afraid.
952
01:20:04,201 --> 01:20:07,821
- What is your name?
- Sir Robin of Camelot.
953
01:20:08,280 --> 01:20:11,408
- What is your quest?
- To seek the Holy Grail.
954
01:20:11,742 --> 01:20:13,868
What is the capital of Assyria?
955
01:20:16,705 --> 01:20:17,997
I don't know that!
956
01:20:26,757 --> 01:20:27,841
Stop!
957
01:20:28,759 --> 01:20:32,303
- What is your name?
- Sir Galahad of Camelot.
958
01:20:32,513 --> 01:20:35,932
- What is your quest?
- I seek the Grail.
959
01:20:36,851 --> 01:20:39,936
- What is your favorite color?
- Blue.
960
01:20:40,771 --> 01:20:41,813
No! Yellow!
961
01:20:49,280 --> 01:20:50,321
Stop!
962
01:20:50,531 --> 01:20:54,617
- What is your name?
- It is Arthur, King of the Britons.
963
01:20:55,035 --> 01:20:58,705
- What is your quest?
- To seek the Holy Grail.
964
01:20:59,540 --> 01:21:02,876
What is the air-speed velocity
of an unladen swallow?
965
01:21:03,669 --> 01:21:06,546
What do you mean?
An African or European swallow?
966
01:21:07,548 --> 01:21:09,048
I don't know that!
967
01:21:15,347 --> 01:21:17,724
How do you know so much about swallows?
968
01:21:17,850 --> 01:21:20,518
You have to know these things
when you're a king.
969
01:22:00,392 --> 01:22:19,118
Lancelot!
970
01:24:08,729 --> 01:24:13,066
The Castle Aaargh. Our quest is at an end.
971
01:24:31,752 --> 01:24:33,336
God be praised.
972
01:24:36,924 --> 01:24:38,333
Almighty God,
973
01:24:38,433 --> 01:24:42,345
we thank thee, that thou hast vouchsafed
to us the most holy...
974
01:24:44,431 --> 01:24:46,557
Jesus Christ!
975
01:24:47,768 --> 01:24:50,011
Hello, stuffy English knights
976
01:24:50,111 --> 01:24:53,014
and Monsieur Arthur King,
who has the brain of a duck, you know.
977
01:24:53,114 --> 01:24:56,142
So, we French fellows
outwit you a second time.
978
01:24:56,242 --> 01:24:59,237
How dare you profane this place
with your presence?
979
01:24:59,780 --> 01:25:03,700
I command you,
in the name of the knights of Camelot,
980
01:25:03,951 --> 01:25:06,911
to open the doors of this sacred castle,
981
01:25:07,121 --> 01:25:10,581
to which God himself has guided us.
982
01:25:10,791 --> 01:25:15,795
How you English say? One more time,
I unclog my nose in your direction,
983
01:25:16,088 --> 01:25:17,539
sons of a window-dresser!
984
01:25:17,639 --> 01:25:20,208
So, you think you could
out-clever us French folk
985
01:25:20,308 --> 01:25:23,878
with your silly knees-bent,
running about, advancing behavior.
986
01:25:23,978 --> 01:25:26,764
I wave my private parts at your aunties.
987
01:25:27,057 --> 01:25:31,636
You cheesy lot of second-hand,
electric donkey-bottom biters!
988
01:25:31,736 --> 01:25:33,813
In the name of the Lord,
989
01:25:33,939 --> 01:25:37,650
we demand entrance to this sacred castle!
990
01:25:37,776 --> 01:25:40,562
No chance, English bed-wetting types.
991
01:25:40,662 --> 01:25:44,899
I burst my pimples at you, and call your
door-opening request a silly thing!
992
01:25:44,999 --> 01:25:48,403
You tiny-brained wipers
of other people's bottoms.
993
01:25:48,503 --> 01:25:52,165
If you'll not open this door,
we shall take this castle by force!
994
01:25:54,001 --> 01:25:56,502
In the name of God and the glory of our...
995
01:25:58,172 --> 01:26:00,673
Right! That settles it!
996
01:26:01,508 --> 01:26:04,586
Depart at this time,
and don't be approaching any more,
997
01:26:04,686 --> 01:26:09,424
or we fire arrows into your heads,
and make castanets out of your testicles.
998
01:26:09,524 --> 01:26:11,092
Walk away, just ignore them.
999
01:26:11,192 --> 01:26:15,146
And now remain gone,
illegitimate-faced bugger-folk!
1000
01:26:15,272 --> 01:26:19,934
And, if you think you got a nasty
taunting this time, you ain't heard
1001
01:26:20,034 --> 01:26:23,529
nothing yet, stuffy English knights!
1002
01:26:45,385 --> 01:26:48,513
- We shall attack at once.
- Yes, my liege.
1003
01:26:48,680 --> 01:26:50,556
Stand by for attack!
1004
01:27:50,200 --> 01:27:51,617
French persons!
1005
01:27:52,536 --> 01:27:56,289
Today the blood of many a valiant knight
shall be avenged.
1006
01:27:56,874 --> 01:28:00,201
In the name of God,
we shall not stop our fight
1007
01:28:00,301 --> 01:28:05,089
till each one of you lies dead,
and the Holy Grail
1008
01:28:05,215 --> 01:28:08,801
returns to those whom God has chosen.
1009
01:28:10,262 --> 01:28:13,264
Charge!
1010
01:28:38,916 --> 01:28:41,334
Yes, they're the ones, I'm sure.
1011
01:28:47,007 --> 01:28:49,634
- Come on.
- Put this man in the van.
1012
01:28:53,513 --> 01:28:56,349
- Put him in the van.
- Get a blanket over that one.
1013
01:28:56,642 --> 01:28:59,185
Come on, back! Right back!
1014
01:29:01,438 --> 01:29:03,689
That's an offensive weapon, that is.
1015
01:29:06,985 --> 01:29:09,278
All right, sonny, that's enough. Pack that in.
1016
01:29:10,305 --> 01:29:16,505
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