Original subtitles

Oh, I'm finally here.

Oh, this has been my dream

ever since I saw "An American in Paris."

For me, it was "Amélie."

I made my mom give methat haircut.

Happy Valentine's Day, mon cheri.

Ah, gay Paree.

See, I told you it would be Claire.

I had my money on Jay.

Sorry, ladies,

I'm in too good a mood.

Jay: It's no big deal.

I'm gettinga lifetime achievement award

at this year's ExpoInternationale du Closet.

Why don't they translate the last word?

I'm sure they have a word for closet.

They're French.

Maybe they went on strikebefore they got to the end.

Monsieur Pritchett, welcome to the Crowne Plaza.

I am Bernard Busse,

president ofthe International Closet Guild.

Mwah!

Mwah!

Oh, God. He made the sound.

And this woman needs no introduction.

[ Chuckles ]You are just as beautiful

as Jay described in his e-mail.

It's a pleasure to meet you, Stella.

Oh, no, no.This is my wife, Gloria.

I-I put you in the e-mail,but then it was too long.

Well, I hope to see you both

at the cocktail reception in an hour.

A bientôt.

Adiós.

'Cause that's what we need. A third language.

We have an hour.We should go sightseeing.

Maybe check out Notre Dame.No, thank you.

I saw it back in the day,before it was a shell of itself.

Seeing it again would only depress me.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

That's why I can't shop at Sears.

Manny, why don't you go and check us in

since you disgraced this family

by learning French instead of Spanish.

And get that room that they promised me.

Apparently some earl once slept there.

We're so proud of you, Dad.

Thanks. I only wish my old man could be here to see this.

You know, it's funny.

He stormed the beaches of Normandy,

and I'm getting a closet award.

We keep topping each other.

Who knows what Joe will do?

Hey, w-what are you doing now?

Well, you know, it's Valentine's Day,

so I think I'm gonna enjoy

the most romantic city in the world with my husband.

Mm.

Oh. Sorry.

Phil can't come to Paris because he has to work.

It stinks, but I am still gonna have so much fun

visiting all my favorite places

from the semester I spent there in college.

Real-estate emergency.

Um, broker/client confidentiality

fobids me from discussing it.

The stuff I've seen...

You do not want to know.

Correct.

Look, if you want, and you don't feel too awkward

about being a third wheel, maybe --

Ugh!Pity invite from Mitchell?

How the tables have turned.

No, merci.

I'm gonna go find my favorite café,

have a glass of wine,and try not to be sadthat I'm all alone.

Okay, great. Have fun.

Bye.

Ooh-la-la.

[ Lively accordion music plays ]

--Captions by VITAC--

Captioning Provided by 20th Century Fox Television and ABC, Inc.

and brought to you by Ford. Going further, so you can.

You know, I heard the bread here

is healthier than the kindwe have back home.

Well, how is that possible? Bread is bread.

You would think,but it's actually the way

that the grain is, um --

No, no, it's -- It's the waythat the -- the ovens --

Okay, look, I'm gonna havea lot of bread while we're here.

I need it to be okay. [ Yawning ]

I am so sorry.

I think I'm jet-lagged.

You know what? I might take a nap

while you go out and [Yawns] explore.

[ Horn honks ]Ooh! Oh.

What was that?W-Why did your bag honk?

I think that was a phone. Youknow, that's how they ring here.

[ Horn honking ]

Will somebody answer that?Hmm? Hmm?

Don't be mad.

Fizbo?

My sweaterswere too bulky to pack,

but Fizbo made the cut?

Oh, come on. You knowit's always been my dream to --

to bring the magic of Fizbo to the streets of Paris.

You're not jet-lagged.

You were gonna sneak outand go clown around.

You know that's not how we say it. It's "clown about."

I-I can't believe you lied to me.

Well, I can't believe I had to.

You know, most clowns have spouses that are supportive.

[ Chuckles ] I'm not convincedmost clowns have spouses.

Phil: Claire was about to meet

Clive Bixby's French cousin, Claude.

The plan was simple enough.

All I did was create a fake work emergency

and wait for Claire at her favorite café.

[ French accent ] Welcome to France. What is the purpose of your visit?

L'amour.

Just answer the question, sir!

[ Normal voice ] Oh, I'm s-so sorry.

Um, business...

[French accent] of l'amour.

[ Slurps ]

[ Clears throat ]

[ Coughs ]

It helps to add a little sugar...

Claude.

Oh. Thank you, but th--

this is, uh, not my real name.

It's my romantic alter ego.

I'm surprising my wife.

Not bad.

For an American.

Oh, really? You can do better?

Many years ago, I met a womanin this very café.

We had a briefbut passionate affair,

spending our days exploring Paris

and our nights...

exploring each other.

Mm.

Well, I-I once took a woman

to both Disneyland and Knott's Berry Farm.

In the same day.

On the day we parted...

we promised to meet hereon this Valentine's Day

to rekindle our love.

Who knows? [ Chuckles ]

The chances of her even remembering --

Oh, mon dieu.

Claire! Claire!

Mmm.

Bonjour. [ Chuckles ]

Hello.

[ Thump ] Oh! Oh.

I'm -- I'm so sorry.

"Sorry"? H-How did you knowI speak English?

Have a nice visit.

[ Chuckles ]

Excusez-moi.

Um... ou se trouve,um...

What are you looking for?

Mona Lisa? McDonald's?

Both are that way.

Heads up, the portions hereare normal-size.

H-How did you know I'm American?Is my accent that bad?

We're dressed the same.

There's no reason to attack me.

[ Light music plays ]

Hey. Where's Jay?

I think he's nervous.

He has changed his outfitthree times.

If this is what it's like to bemarried to me, it's no picnic.

We have a problem.

I have to show you something. Come here.

[ Gasps ]

Burl Saunders!

Close. Earl Chambers.

Jay isn't getting the award.

He's accepting it on behalf of his ex-partner, Earl.

What?

How?

When the Expo called,

Manny talked to them because he speaks French.

At least, he thoughthe did.

In my defense, the French wordfor "hotel room"

sounds a lot like "chamber."

Oh, oui, oui.

They said you're putting you upin the royal suite.

It used to besome earl's chamber.

That's closet people for you -- class all the way!

Ah. He's here. What do we do?

Nothing. Tell him the truth.

Jay's a grown man. He can handle it.

Okay, but if he goes for my throat,

be ready to dial neuf, un, un.

That language. It's likea bunch of horses talking.

Look at this place. Everybody's here.

Heinrich Mulerof Berlin Closet-stadt,

Susan Sadaki from Tokyo Closetsand Canned Whale Meat.

It's a regular who's who.

Yeah, even when you say all their names.

You know, I gotta tell you,

this award couldn't have comeat a better time.

With my closet company gone,sometimes it feels like

I don't have anything to showfor a lifetime of work,

like it didn't matter.

But now I know it did.

Yes.

Wait here.

I'll be right back.[ Smooches ]

New plan -- I'm getting him outof here, keeping him busy.

You go and talkto the closet people.

Make them give him an award.

Any kind of award.He won't know the difference.

How? Bribe them.

Blackmail them. Seduce them.

Have I taught you nothing?

Phil? Claire. Claire?

Guy?

Oh, my God. What are you doing here?

Claire, you know this Guy?

Well, um...I used to.

[ Chuckles ]

What are you both doing here?

I came to surprise youon Valentine's Day.

You know the guy on the planewith all the face bandages?

That was me.

Oh. [ Chuckles ]

Claire, do you not remember

asking me to meet you here in this café

exactly 30 years after we parted?

Vaguely.

I-I-I was crazy to think this could work out.

Of course a woman as magnificentas you is married.

[ Both chuckle ]

I don't want to interfere with your day of romance.

I will wander our old haunts alone

and return to my hotel

in the ghostly embrace of our memories.

Adieu, Claire.Okay, cool. Bye.

Yeah.Let's go.

Alright, big day. Lots of plans. Mm.

First things first, getting into character.

Oh.

[ French accent ] Claude Bixby,

mustard magnate with a flair for --

Uh, Phil -- Claude --

I-I love that you'redoing all of this,

but doesn'tsome tiny part of you

feel guilty for ditching Guy?

I mean, he did wait for mefor 30 years.

We could invite himfor a glass of wine.

[ Sighs ]

[ Normal voice ] Fine.

But I'm warning you, if he gets out of line,

Claude knows karate. Mm.

And Krav Maga. He's Jewish on his mother's side.

Ooh.

Let's go this way, to the museum.

Are you sure?

I think they're expecting me back inside.

Make them wait.

Why do you think the bridesarrive after everyone else?

You're the bride.

Yeah, I'm the bride.

Alright, let's --No, no, no.

You know what? It's this side.

So, tomorrow -- No, no!

You know what? I'm sorry. It's this way.

Are you kidding me?!

What?!

How beautiful!

Bonjour.

B-Bonjour.

Bonjour.

Hunh-hunh.

Oh.

Pardon. Excusez-moi.

Hunh-hunh!

Bonjour. Ooh.

Une table pour un, monsieur?

Uh, ehh.

[ Speaking French ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Both laugh ]

Oh, Claire, remember that time

when we snuck into the cellar of that wine bar?

Oh, God, we were so crazyand so young!

[ Laughs ] Not anymore. What's that, Grandma?

She's a grandma now.

[ Chuckles ]Oh!

Well, there's nothing more beautiful

than a life creating life, which in turn --

Creates more life. [ Chuckles ]

Well, uh...Claire and Ishould get going.

I was hoping to get upto Sacre Coeur

to get a view of the whole city.

No need.

I have a rooftop garden suite at The Peninsula.

It's the best view in town.

How perfect is this?

[ Chuckling ] Frustratingly!

Alright. Here we go.

Let's see here.

Oh.

Bonjour.

In a few minutes, I'm going to be performing in the square.

Je m'appelleFizbo.

[ Speaking French ]

Lui, c'est Fizbeau.

What?He is Fizbeau!

Fizbeau, okay?

Fizbeau: [ Speaking French ]

[ Car horn honks ]

Guy, this suite is so beautiful.

I think the last time we were in Paris,

we had a franc between the two of us.

Oh, God! Who's Frank?

I've been lucky in business,

less so in love.

I guess it's turned meinto a workaholic.

I must be in the office10, 12 hours a week.

Shall we have some champagne?

Uh, no, thank you.

I'm not really in the mood for champagne.

Lucky for us, becausethere are only two glasses.

[ Chuckles ]Ah.

Allow me to make a toast.

To Phil.Aw.

For allowing meto spend a bit more time

with the most generous lover I've ever --

Okay! I see what you're doing here.

The champagne, the hotel suite,that carousel ride.

You two stopped laughing every time I circled around.

I'm sorry, buddy, but it's not gonna happen.

Phil's right. I'm a married woman.

There will be no romance on this trip.

I'm sorry.I've been a fool.

I guess I let myself indulgein a fantasy more than I should.

Please,let us all pretend this...

never happened.

Wait.

Was that Poulanc's misdirect?

Indeed.

Oh.

A fellow prestidigitator?

[ Chuckling ] Yes!

[ Chuckles ] Put her there.

[ Chuckles ]

Your watch, sir?

Looking for this? What?!

Oh, no way!

We should bounce.

Tell me you're going to visitLe Musée des Magiciens

while you're here.

Ohh.The Museum of Magicians?

I'm dying to go, but they're closed

Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays --

and Mondays and Wednesdays.

Not if you know the owner.

I can get us a private tour.

Sweet!

Claire, what do you say?

We can pretend to saw you in half.

Or just do it. [ Chuckles ]

Hello. Hi. Hi. Excuse me.

Why are you dressed like that?

Imposteur!

Tu es un imposteur!

You're -- You're the imposteur...

if that word means what I think it means.

Cameron: He'd stolen Fizbo.

The whimsically mismatched plaids,

my trademark bold splash of pink,

my blue lip!

He'd clearly seen one of my online clown tutorials!

Hey, guys. Fizbo again.

Just remember when you'reapplying your rouge to go easy.

You're an Auguste clown, not a tramp.

[ Chuckles ]

You know what? Give me the jacket.

Oh! I --

I should've seen that coming.

Donne moi ce mouchoir!

[ Laughter ]

Touché, monsieur!

You know what? Give me my wig.[ Speaking French ]

And that's when it hit me.

Ooh![ Laughter ]

"The Clowns of Europe."

I got this when I was a teenager.

It was my "Sergeant Pepper's."

Clown after clown pushing the envelope,

including Fizbeau.

B-E-A-U!

Here, I thought I'd come upwith the idea, but he was right.

Iwas the imposteur.

If that's the word.

For my high school language requirement,

I took auction-calling.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Isn't Napoleon's tombspectacular?

Just so you know, when I go, I-I don't need all this.

[ Chuckles ]

Look.That's Manny over there.

No, no.

I'll go get him.

How did it go?

Are they giving Jay an award?

No. They said it would set a very dangerous precedent.

And in perfect English.

Turns out this whole misunderstanding

was completely avoidable.

We need to figure outsomething.

Jay can never find out

that Earl got an awardinstead of him.

Wow.

Look at this place.

The craftsmanship, the architecture.

They say the domed ceiling acts as a whisper chamber.

What does"whisper chamber" mean?

[ Whispering ] It means I heard everything you just said.

[ Normal voice ] I have to turn my TV up to 40,

but that was loud and clear!

[ Plates clatter ]

[ Speaking French ]

Ah.

Hunh-hunh.

Mm-hmm. Mm.

[ Speaking French ]

Ah. Merci.

Oh.

Mitchell: It was easy to fit in.

All I had to do was look good and have a lot of attitude.

Paris was just like one big gay bar.

Et voilà. Ah.

Votre pigeon, monsieur.

[ French accent ] "Pigeon"?

Notre spécialité.

Ah. Bon appétit.

Yah.

Yaaaaah.

[ Sighs ]

[ Gags ]

[ Normal voice ] No. I can't -- I can't do it.

I can't do it. I'm not French.

And I-I'm not eating that.

This scarf is driving me crazy!

E-Excusez-moi --

Cheeseburger, that way.

Cool. Thanks, man!

Wow.

It's amazing how much magicthey got out of those old wands.

Today, magicians have it so easy, you know?

Oh, yeah.

Well, this basically feelslike a natural breaking point,

for me, at least.

Uh, Phil and I should probably[Whistles] you know?

If you must, but our tickets

also get us to Le Musée des Automates.

They're like robots, but very primitive.

They basically do nothing.

Um, like the one I built out of old mufflers?

Can we, Claire?

Oh, yes, can we, Claire?

[ Cellphone rings ]

Excuse me.[ Cellphone beeps ]

Hey, Gloria. What's up?

I have a problem.

Yeah, so do I.

Apparently, I'm into nerds.

It's Jay.

He's not getting that award.

What?!

It was some kind of mistake,

he found out, and now we can't find him.

Oh, my God.Okay, I-I'll be right there.

Are you sure it's okay?

Uh, yeah,it's more than okay.

[ Cellphone beeps ]

Hey.

Hey.

H-How did you find me?

Well, you're pretty easy to spot.

Look, I-I'm sorry I overreacted, okay?

If you want to be Fizbo, be Fizbo.

I can never be Fizbo again.

Fizbo is dead.

Oh, you're a moving target.

Look, I ran intothe real Fizbo today,

and he squirted mein the face with water

and hit me in the head with a book.

What?!

See, here,I thought I had created

this special, unique thing,

but I'm the one that's beena fraud all this time!

I'm throwing the suit in the river!

Wait.

That's littering. There's a trash can right over here.

Wait!

Look, I-I gotta say, um --

I don't -- I don't think you stole anything.

What do you mean?

Well, you said he hit you in the head with a book.

I mean, I thought Fizbo was all about joy.

He is. He's the embodimentof childlike innocence.

Exactly.

Fizbo would never resort to violence.

This guy doesn't sound like Fizbo to me.

Well, he sure lookedlike him.

Fizbo's more than just a-a pair of big shoes

and an...un-sexy jacket.

He -- He's an idea.

If I've learned anything today,

it's that clothes do not make the man...

or the clown.

And you are the real Fizbo.[ Horn honks ]

[ Chuckles ] You mean it?

I know.

[ Chuckling ] Now, come on.

Let's enjoy Paris. It's Valentine's Day.

[ Sighs ] Mwah.

Come on.

Where did you get this crazy get-up?

People are gonna stare.

So...what was your favorite partof the robot museum?

Oh, man.

I can't decide. You go first.

No, you'll just copy me.

I do that.

[ Both chuckle ]

Well, let's, uh, let's just say it at the same time.

On three.

One, two, three.

Both: The mechanical monkey band.

Le jinx! Jinx!

[ Laughs ][ Laughing ] Double jinx.

[ Laughs ]

Ohhhh.

Pour vous deux.

O-Oh, my God. It's a painting!

Of us!

Merci.

Merci beaucoup. Merci.

Is my...hand on yours?

Yeah, but I-I don't... think we did that.

Well, um, I better -- better go find Claire.

Of course. Yes.

Okay. W-Weird. I guess this is goodbye.

You -- You should have this.

Keep it.

You'll give it to mein 30 years.

In our café.

I'll be there.

Au revoir...Guy.

Hey.

I talked to Gloria.

Thought I might find you here.

It's a shame, Notre Dame.

The fire.

Yeah.

It used to be so impressiveback in its day.

It's still pretty impressive.

Just a shell of its former self.

Best days are behind it.

It'll never be the same.

It's taken some hits, but it's still standing,

and that's -- that's grit.

That's what inspires people.

That's what inspires me.

It's so embarrassing.

The whole reason the family's here

is to see meget that damn award.

Oh, Dad!

You and I are the only ones in this family

who care about closets.

We're here because we love you.

Come on.

Let's go get ready for that dinner.

Jay: 45 years is a long time to spend in one industry,

and I've accomplished a lot.

The whisper hinge brought serenity

to the American bedroom.

My glow knobs revolutionized getting dressed in the dark.

And I led the charge

to standardize the angle of shoe racks.

But the thing that I'm -- that I'm proudest of...

is my family.

[ Chuckles ]

Thank you for being here.

I love you all.

You'remy lifetime achievement award.

Oh! Thanks, Dad.That's so sweet.

We love you, too.

We love you, Jay.

Claire Pritchett?

Jean-Luc?!

[ Gasps, laughs ]

I had a lot of fun herein college.

What are you doing here?

Um...how are you?

♪♪

[ Romantic accordion music plays ]

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