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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:00:29,915 --> 00:00:38,857
**
3
00:00:38,924 --> 00:00:47,199
**
4
00:00:47,265 --> 00:00:50,102
* I eat filet mignons
seven times a day *
5
00:00:50,168 --> 00:00:52,838
* My bathtub's filled
with Perrier *
6
00:00:52,905 --> 00:00:56,208
* What can I say
This is the life *
7
00:00:56,274 --> 00:00:59,444
* I buy a dozen cars
when I'm in the mood *
8
00:00:59,511 --> 00:01:01,680
* I hire somebody
to chew my food *
9
00:01:01,747 --> 00:01:05,517
* I'm an upwardly mobile dude
This is the life *
10
00:01:05,584 --> 00:01:08,621
* They say that
money corrupts you *
11
00:01:08,687 --> 00:01:10,856
* But I can't really tell *
12
00:01:10,923 --> 00:01:12,991
* I got the whole world
at my feet *
13
00:01:13,058 --> 00:01:15,027
* And I think
it's pretty swell *
14
00:01:15,093 --> 00:01:17,730
* I got women lined up
outside my door *
15
00:01:17,796 --> 00:01:20,065
* They've been waitin' there
since a week before *
16
00:01:20,132 --> 00:01:23,201
* Who could ask for more
This is the life *
17
00:01:42,287 --> 00:01:45,523
* Whaa da whaa da *
* You're dead
for a real long time *
18
00:01:45,590 --> 00:01:47,559
* You just can't prevent it *
19
00:01:47,626 --> 00:01:49,862
* So if money
can't buy happiness *
20
00:01:49,928 --> 00:01:52,297
* I guess
I'll have to rent it *
21
00:01:53,799 --> 00:01:57,002
* Yeah, every day
I make the front page news *
22
00:01:57,069 --> 00:01:59,104
* No time to pay my dues *
23
00:01:59,171 --> 00:02:02,841
* I got a million pairs of shoes
This is the life *
24
00:02:02,908 --> 00:02:05,678
* That's right, I'm the king
Number one *
25
00:02:05,744 --> 00:02:08,113
* I buy monogrammed Kleenex
by the ton *
26
00:02:08,180 --> 00:02:10,382
* I pay the bills
I call the shots *
27
00:02:10,448 --> 00:02:12,818
* I grease the palms
I buy the yachts *
28
00:02:12,885 --> 00:02:14,920
* One thing I can guarantee *
29
00:02:14,987 --> 00:02:17,089
* The best things in life
they sure ain't free *
30
00:02:17,155 --> 00:02:19,224
* It's such a thrill
just to be me *
31
00:02:19,291 --> 00:02:21,860
* This is the life *
32
00:02:21,927 --> 00:02:25,630
* Ahh *
* This is the life **
33
00:02:48,754 --> 00:02:51,690
Anybody hungry?
34
00:02:51,757 --> 00:02:55,260
Didn't think so.
Just kidding.
35
00:02:55,327 --> 00:02:57,963
Okay, fellas, food time.
36
00:02:58,030 --> 00:03:00,432
Bert. Liver, no onions.
37
00:03:00,498 --> 00:03:03,568
Here you go, Bertie.
There you go.
38
00:03:03,635 --> 00:03:07,906
And for dessert,
there you go.
39
00:03:10,042 --> 00:03:14,179
Connie, Mack, you kids wanted
the tuna, hold the Mayo.
40
00:03:14,246 --> 00:03:16,114
Lovely choice.
41
00:03:16,181 --> 00:03:20,085
I'm not crazy about
you two living together.
42
00:03:20,152 --> 00:03:22,687
Marvin, you ordered
the flounder.
43
00:03:22,755 --> 00:03:25,758
I didn't like
the way it looked,
44
00:03:25,824 --> 00:03:27,993
so I prepared
something special.
45
00:03:28,060 --> 00:03:31,096
I think you're
gonna like this.
46
00:03:31,163 --> 00:03:33,098
And maybe not.
47
00:03:33,165 --> 00:03:36,701
Okay, here we go.
48
00:03:36,769 --> 00:03:39,704
- Polly, get that.
- All right.
49
00:03:41,774 --> 00:03:43,976
Kelly's pet shop.
Polly speaking.
50
00:03:44,042 --> 00:03:46,044
It's your mother, Johnny.
51
00:03:46,111 --> 00:03:50,548
- Tell her to hold,
would ya?
- Hang on.
52
00:03:50,615 --> 00:03:52,918
Thanks, pal.
Hiya, Ma.
53
00:03:52,985 --> 00:03:57,956
Uh-huh.
I was just feeding
the animals.
54
00:03:58,023 --> 00:04:00,558
It's probably
just the weather.
55
00:04:00,625 --> 00:04:03,028
I wouldn't
worry about it.
56
00:04:03,095 --> 00:04:06,064
It will probably
get better tomorrow.
57
00:04:06,131 --> 00:04:09,868
If you wouldn't drink
so much, the whole thing
would clear up.
58
00:04:09,935 --> 00:04:12,070
I'll see you later.
59
00:04:12,137 --> 00:04:16,441
All right, come here.
Hand it over.
60
00:04:16,508 --> 00:04:19,011
What was that noise?
61
00:04:19,077 --> 00:04:22,114
It was this
little gadget here.
62
00:04:22,180 --> 00:04:25,250
Prevents stealing.
Stops guys like you.
63
00:04:25,317 --> 00:04:28,787
Go ahead. Call the cops.
Let's get this over with.
64
00:04:28,854 --> 00:04:30,755
Ah, pretty tough, huh?
65
00:04:30,823 --> 00:04:32,424
Tough enough.
66
00:04:32,490 --> 00:04:34,392
Yeah?
You like stealing?
67
00:04:34,459 --> 00:04:36,194
Beats paying for it.
68
00:04:36,261 --> 00:04:38,330
You think stealing
makes you a big man?
69
00:04:38,396 --> 00:04:41,867
Bigger than you...
wearing an apron,
feeding monkeys.
70
00:04:41,934 --> 00:04:44,136
Ha ha ha.
Sit down.
71
00:04:44,202 --> 00:04:46,905
I'll tell you where
stealing gets you.
72
00:04:46,972 --> 00:04:49,107
Wake me when
you're through.
73
00:04:49,174 --> 00:04:51,944
I started out just like you.
Must have been 25 years ago.
74
00:04:52,010 --> 00:04:54,112
What's going on?
75
00:04:54,179 --> 00:04:56,781
Don't worry. It'll end
in a couple of minutes.
76
00:04:56,849 --> 00:05:01,286
It always does this
when I talk about the past.
Anyway, it was 1910.
77
00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,389
Times were good in America.
78
00:05:04,456 --> 00:05:09,727
There was plenty of everything...
Jobs, security, laughs.
79
00:05:09,794 --> 00:05:11,763
America was in great shape,
80
00:05:11,830 --> 00:05:13,866
except for
President William Taft.
81
00:05:13,932 --> 00:05:15,868
Was he a porker.
82
00:05:15,934 --> 00:05:20,038
He weighed as much
as Teddy Roosevelt and
half of William McKinley.
83
00:05:20,105 --> 00:05:23,041
Immigrants came
from all over the world,
84
00:05:23,108 --> 00:05:25,543
looking for a better life.
85
00:05:25,610 --> 00:05:27,779
And over 97% of them...
86
00:05:27,846 --> 00:05:31,316
settled in a two-block area
of New York City.
87
00:05:31,383 --> 00:05:34,219
There used to be a law called
the McCoy Act of 1909.
88
00:05:34,286 --> 00:05:36,421
It said immigrants
wanting citizenship...
89
00:05:36,488 --> 00:05:39,057
had to stay
out of their apartments
at least four hours a day...
90
00:05:39,124 --> 00:05:42,094
and walk the streets
with hats on.
91
00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:45,630
Most immigrants
didn't find the streets
paved with gold.
92
00:05:45,697 --> 00:05:48,066
Instead,
they found hard times.
93
00:05:48,133 --> 00:05:51,569
Nobody had it tougher
than my mom, Mom Kelly.
94
00:05:51,636 --> 00:05:54,039
She was kind and sweet.
95
00:05:54,106 --> 00:05:57,442
She had a colorful way
of putting things.
96
00:05:57,509 --> 00:06:01,914
The Lower East Side...
This really sucks.
97
00:06:03,515 --> 00:06:08,586
- I was just starting out
in business.
- Hey, kid, you got a paper?
98
00:06:08,653 --> 00:06:11,789
Hiya, Mom.
Hiya, Johnny.
99
00:06:11,856 --> 00:06:13,758
Your pancreas
feeling better?
100
00:06:13,825 --> 00:06:15,760
Don't worry about me.
101
00:06:15,827 --> 00:06:17,729
Just keep yourself warm.
102
00:06:17,795 --> 00:06:19,331
Thanks, Mom.
103
00:06:19,397 --> 00:06:20,798
Oh, God!
104
00:06:20,865 --> 00:06:23,335
It's the worst July
in years.
105
00:06:23,401 --> 00:06:25,270
Go on upstairs.
106
00:06:25,337 --> 00:06:28,206
After I sell these,
we'll celebrate your birthday.
107
00:06:28,273 --> 00:06:31,209
Ahh.
You're my darling boy.
108
00:06:31,276 --> 00:06:33,278
Hey, kid, paper here.
Yeah.
109
00:06:40,318 --> 00:06:43,788
All right. Tribune.
Get your Tribune.
110
00:06:43,855 --> 00:06:45,823
Get your Tribune.
111
00:06:47,859 --> 00:06:51,563
Aah!
112
00:06:53,966 --> 00:06:55,833
A lousy penny.
Get your Tribune.
113
00:06:55,900 --> 00:06:57,936
This is my corner.
114
00:06:58,003 --> 00:07:00,772
Danny Vermin don't move
for nobody, Kelly.
115
00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:02,640
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
116
00:07:02,707 --> 00:07:06,111
It's okay, Officer.
I can handle this myself.
117
00:07:10,115 --> 00:07:12,017
Stop the car.
I want to see this.
118
00:07:12,084 --> 00:07:14,019
Yes, sir, Mr. Dundee.
119
00:07:16,888 --> 00:07:18,690
Ha ha ha ha!
120
00:07:18,756 --> 00:07:20,392
And no hard feelings.
121
00:07:20,458 --> 00:07:23,128
You ain't seen
the last of Danny Vermin.
122
00:07:24,963 --> 00:07:27,332
Hey, kid, come here.
123
00:07:30,235 --> 00:07:33,338
I like the way
you handle yourself.
124
00:07:33,405 --> 00:07:34,973
Thanks, mister.
125
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:38,243
Do you know
who this man is?
126
00:07:38,310 --> 00:07:39,644
I give up.
127
00:07:39,711 --> 00:07:42,780
How'd you like
to make $50?
128
00:07:42,847 --> 00:07:45,950
Do I have to
break the law?
129
00:07:46,018 --> 00:07:48,220
If I broke the law,
130
00:07:48,286 --> 00:07:50,622
it would be like breaking
my mother's heart.
131
00:07:51,756 --> 00:07:53,758
Okay, kid.
132
00:07:53,825 --> 00:07:55,760
But if you
change your mind,
133
00:07:55,827 --> 00:07:58,430
I'll be
at the Club 25.
134
00:08:33,865 --> 00:08:36,168
Dr. Magnus.
How's my mother?
135
00:08:36,234 --> 00:08:38,236
It's her pancreas again.
136
00:08:38,303 --> 00:08:40,772
She'll need an operation
immediately.
137
00:08:40,838 --> 00:08:43,175
How much
will it cost?
138
00:08:43,241 --> 00:08:45,210
$49.95. This week only.
139
00:08:45,277 --> 00:08:48,213
Where can I get
that much money?
140
00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:50,682
Knock over
a gas station.
141
00:08:57,822 --> 00:08:59,357
Hiya, Tommy.
142
00:08:59,424 --> 00:09:00,758
Hi, Johnny.
143
00:09:00,825 --> 00:09:02,227
Hiya, Mom.
144
00:09:02,294 --> 00:09:05,163
You're a sucker
for a left.
145
00:09:05,230 --> 00:09:07,365
Take a break.
146
00:09:07,432 --> 00:09:08,700
I can't.
147
00:09:08,766 --> 00:09:11,736
I'm a year behind on
Mr. Stevenson's shirts.
148
00:09:11,803 --> 00:09:14,506
There's a new law
against washing
on your birthday.
149
00:09:14,572 --> 00:09:17,775
Gosh, Johnny, I really
don't think that's a law.
150
00:09:17,842 --> 00:09:22,780
You won't find it in
your law books because
I just made it up.
151
00:09:22,847 --> 00:09:25,883
Look. He colored
Oliver Wendell Holmes purple.
152
00:09:25,950 --> 00:09:27,852
Isn't that something?
153
00:09:27,919 --> 00:09:30,222
Only 6 years old.
154
00:09:30,288 --> 00:09:33,125
Your poor father
would have been proud.
155
00:09:33,191 --> 00:09:35,693
He wanted you
to be a lawyer.
156
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,163
He could have used one.
157
00:09:38,230 --> 00:09:41,099
You'll make something
of yourself, Tommy.
158
00:09:41,166 --> 00:09:43,601
I'll see that you do.
159
00:09:43,668 --> 00:09:47,705
No mother
was ever blessed
with two finer sons.
160
00:09:47,772 --> 00:09:49,541
Happy birthday, Mom.
161
00:09:49,607 --> 00:09:52,177
Bless the saints!
An ashtray!
162
00:09:52,244 --> 00:09:55,780
I been thinking of
taking up smoking.
163
00:09:55,847 --> 00:09:59,151
How does it feel
to be 29?
164
00:09:59,217 --> 00:10:02,120
I only hope
I reach 30.
165
00:10:02,187 --> 00:10:04,556
Are you all right, Mom?
166
00:10:04,622 --> 00:10:06,591
I'll be fine.
Go back to work.
167
00:10:06,658 --> 00:10:10,628
Don't worry about me.
I'll be all right.
168
00:10:15,233 --> 00:10:17,302
She needs
an operation.
169
00:10:17,369 --> 00:10:20,772
If I broke the law,
I'd break my mother's heart.
170
00:10:20,838 --> 00:10:22,807
$49.95.
171
00:10:22,874 --> 00:10:24,342
You want to make $50?
172
00:10:24,409 --> 00:10:26,778
I just hope
I reach 30.
173
00:10:26,844 --> 00:10:29,281
I'll be
at the Club 25.
174
00:10:29,347 --> 00:10:33,318
Sorry, Mom.
It's the only way.
175
00:11:02,180 --> 00:11:04,549
No more nodding!
176
00:11:06,251 --> 00:11:08,286
Place your bets, please.
177
00:11:31,142 --> 00:11:33,177
Dundee's gang is here.
178
00:11:34,312 --> 00:11:36,714
What's that
bastige want, huh?
179
00:11:42,887 --> 00:11:44,656
How's tricks, Moronie?
180
00:11:44,722 --> 00:11:47,692
What are you
doing here, icehole?
181
00:11:47,759 --> 00:11:51,663
Can't a fellow enjoy
a night out gambling?
182
00:11:51,729 --> 00:11:55,300
Don't bullshty me.
Search him.
183
00:11:55,367 --> 00:11:59,371
We're clean.
I don't bear no grudges,
184
00:11:59,437 --> 00:12:02,740
even though you've
been muscling in
on my territory.
185
00:12:02,807 --> 00:12:04,609
Why, Moronie?
186
00:12:04,676 --> 00:12:07,211
It's a free country,
icehole.
187
00:12:07,279 --> 00:12:08,946
They're clean, boss.
188
00:12:09,013 --> 00:12:12,984
You and the rest of
your bastiges can gamble,
189
00:12:13,050 --> 00:12:15,887
but don't try
no fargin trick.
190
00:12:15,953 --> 00:12:19,591
Otherwise, you'll wind up
with your bells in a sling.
191
00:12:22,527 --> 00:12:25,563
What a mouth
on that guy!
192
00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:29,166
Place your bets, please.
193
00:12:29,233 --> 00:12:31,303
Place your bets.
194
00:12:38,643 --> 00:12:39,911
Hey, kid.
195
00:12:41,846 --> 00:12:43,315
Paper, mister?
196
00:12:48,853 --> 00:12:50,722
Here you go.
197
00:12:52,256 --> 00:12:54,191
Here you are, sir.
198
00:12:54,258 --> 00:12:55,727
Thanks, kid.
199
00:12:59,364 --> 00:13:03,067
Nobody move,
and nobody will get hurt.
200
00:13:03,134 --> 00:13:05,337
All we want
is Moronie's money.
201
00:13:05,403 --> 00:13:07,505
Go ahead, kid.
202
00:13:07,572 --> 00:13:10,074
You fargin sneaky bastige!
203
00:13:10,141 --> 00:13:13,110
I going to take your dwork!
204
00:13:13,177 --> 00:13:16,914
I going to
nail it to the wall!
205
00:13:16,981 --> 00:13:20,985
I going to crush your boils
in a meat grinder!
206
00:13:21,052 --> 00:13:23,421
I cut off your arms!
207
00:13:23,488 --> 00:13:26,458
I shove them
up your icehole!
208
00:13:26,524 --> 00:13:28,860
Dirty sum un a batch!
My own club!
209
00:13:30,528 --> 00:13:32,464
Mr. Dundee, watch out!
210
00:13:35,467 --> 00:13:37,902
Lock the fargin door!
211
00:13:37,969 --> 00:13:39,704
We got Dundee!
212
00:13:43,107 --> 00:13:45,843
Get that lousy kid!
213
00:13:45,910 --> 00:13:47,311
Oh!
214
00:13:53,518 --> 00:13:55,453
Get that kid!
215
00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:58,656
It's only a fargin kid!
216
00:13:58,723 --> 00:14:00,725
Get him!
217
00:14:00,792 --> 00:14:03,060
Give me a gun!
Give me a gun!
218
00:14:07,365 --> 00:14:08,533
Next shooter.
219
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,235
Kid's like a monkey.
Get him!
220
00:14:11,302 --> 00:14:14,806
It's a fargin kid!
Get him!
221
00:14:19,243 --> 00:14:21,979
Hell of
an anniversary, Lou.
222
00:14:22,046 --> 00:14:25,683
I don't believe you guys!
Get him or you all fired!
223
00:14:28,152 --> 00:14:30,187
No, no, no!
224
00:14:30,254 --> 00:14:32,056
Permesso.
225
00:14:32,123 --> 00:14:34,826
Say your prayers,
icehole.
226
00:14:39,363 --> 00:14:40,998
Oh!
227
00:14:42,366 --> 00:14:43,801
Hold it.
228
00:14:43,868 --> 00:14:47,271
Why, you miserable
corksucker!
229
00:14:47,338 --> 00:14:50,508
I gonna
get you for this.
230
00:14:50,575 --> 00:14:54,378
Roman Moronie never forget
a fargin face, kid.
231
00:14:54,446 --> 00:14:56,514
I'll get you.
232
00:15:06,390 --> 00:15:08,192
You okay, boss?
233
00:15:08,259 --> 00:15:11,829
Yeah. Thanks
to this kid and this.
234
00:15:11,896 --> 00:15:13,665
Thanks a lot, kid.
235
00:15:13,731 --> 00:15:16,734
From now on,
you're my boy.
236
00:15:16,801 --> 00:15:19,737
Yeah, kid, you really
live dangerously.
237
00:15:19,804 --> 00:15:22,540
By the way,
what's your name?
Johnny.
238
00:15:22,607 --> 00:15:25,843
Johnny...
Johnny Dangerously.
239
00:15:25,910 --> 00:15:29,313
I should've
never picked that name.
240
00:15:29,380 --> 00:15:31,348
A name like that
you got to live up to.
241
00:15:31,415 --> 00:15:33,551
Act tough.
Put up a front.
242
00:15:33,618 --> 00:15:36,320
I got into a lot of fights.
243
00:15:36,387 --> 00:15:39,691
What's your last name?
Binderhoff.
244
00:15:39,757 --> 00:15:42,126
Don't ever
change that name.
245
00:15:42,193 --> 00:15:44,095
You'll stay
out of trouble.
246
00:15:44,161 --> 00:15:46,764
Anyway, Mom got better.
247
00:15:46,831 --> 00:15:51,803
I didn't do any more jobs
for the Dundee gang.
248
00:15:51,869 --> 00:15:55,873
I grew up your average,
poverty-stricken teenager,
249
00:15:55,940 --> 00:15:58,876
thinking about girls,
my hair, girls.
250
00:16:15,092 --> 00:16:18,530
I've never seen
anyone dance like that.
251
00:16:21,298 --> 00:16:23,501
Hi, Dr. Magnus.
How's my mother?
252
00:16:23,568 --> 00:16:26,003
It's her thyroid, Johnny.
What's wrong?
253
00:16:26,070 --> 00:16:28,506
We can't find it.
We're gonna have to do
a thyroid search.
254
00:16:28,573 --> 00:16:34,011
How much is that?
You're in luck.
This week, a special... $999.
255
00:16:34,078 --> 00:16:37,381
$999?
256
00:16:37,448 --> 00:16:39,283
Talk about bad luck.
257
00:16:39,350 --> 00:16:42,587
There was only one place
I could get that much money.
258
00:16:42,654 --> 00:16:46,390
So I joined
the Jocko Dundee mob
full-time.
259
00:16:46,457 --> 00:16:50,261
Jocko was still at war
with Roman Moronie.
260
00:16:50,327 --> 00:16:54,465
The years didn't soften Moronie.
He continued to murder
the English language...
261
00:16:54,532 --> 00:16:57,501
and anyone who got in his way.
262
00:16:57,569 --> 00:17:00,437
Moronie had rules for his gang.
263
00:17:00,504 --> 00:17:04,341
First, never park
in his private space.
264
00:17:04,408 --> 00:17:07,244
The Dundee gang was more fun.
265
00:17:07,311 --> 00:17:09,313
We did illegal things,
266
00:17:09,380 --> 00:17:12,183
but we never
bothered the public.
267
00:17:12,249 --> 00:17:16,287
Every Christmas, Jocko returned
some cash to the community.
268
00:17:16,353 --> 00:17:18,355
Every chance I got,
269
00:17:18,422 --> 00:17:20,224
I returned
to the old neighborhood.
270
00:17:20,291 --> 00:17:23,227
They looked up to me there
like I was a folk hero.
271
00:17:23,294 --> 00:17:26,798
"I love Johnny" T-shirts.
I love Johnny!
272
00:17:26,864 --> 00:17:30,267
Johnny, can I follow
in your footsteps?
273
00:17:30,334 --> 00:17:34,939
Sure, kid. Here.
It's burning a hole
in my pocket.
274
00:17:35,006 --> 00:17:36,974
Look, Rosie,
it's Johnny Dangerously.
275
00:17:38,743 --> 00:17:42,747
Mrs. Zimmer,
everybody, over here.
276
00:17:46,083 --> 00:17:48,853
What did I tell you
neighborhood people?
277
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,589
Around here,
you're Johnny Kelly,
278
00:17:51,656 --> 00:17:54,158
a law-abiding
nightclub owner,
279
00:17:54,225 --> 00:17:57,294
not the notorious gangster,
Johnny Dangerously.
280
00:17:57,361 --> 00:18:01,298
Sure, and I'm the pope.
281
00:18:01,365 --> 00:18:03,835
Hey, Pope.
How'd you know?
282
00:18:03,901 --> 00:18:08,740
Johnny, everybody knows
except your mother
and your brother.
283
00:18:08,806 --> 00:18:10,708
And as far
as we're concerned,
284
00:18:10,775 --> 00:18:13,144
nobody will say nothing.
285
00:18:13,210 --> 00:18:15,780
Thanks, Your Holiness.
286
00:18:15,847 --> 00:18:19,050
Build yourself a new gym
at the Vatican.
287
00:18:19,116 --> 00:18:21,185
Ho ho ho ho!
288
00:18:21,252 --> 00:18:23,287
Oh!
289
00:18:23,354 --> 00:18:26,658
Ah, bless you, Johnny.
290
00:18:36,934 --> 00:18:38,202
Johnny!
291
00:18:39,336 --> 00:18:40,805
Hiya, Ma.
292
00:18:41,773 --> 00:18:45,242
How's my best girl?
293
00:18:45,309 --> 00:18:47,211
Watch that left, Ma.
294
00:18:47,278 --> 00:18:51,749
I love him,
but someday I'm going to
knock him on his ass.
295
00:18:54,351 --> 00:18:56,220
What you cooking, Ma?
296
00:18:56,287 --> 00:18:57,655
Beer.
297
00:18:57,722 --> 00:18:59,256
With noodles.
298
00:18:59,323 --> 00:19:01,192
Great idea.
299
00:19:03,761 --> 00:19:05,730
So, Ma, what's new?
300
00:19:05,797 --> 00:19:07,799
Me arthritis,
that's new.
301
00:19:07,865 --> 00:19:12,203
One of the muscles
in me calf is shriveling up.
302
00:19:12,269 --> 00:19:15,172
Also, I'm losing sensation
on the left side of me face,
303
00:19:15,239 --> 00:19:18,342
which I think is the beginning
of a neurological disorder.
304
00:19:18,409 --> 00:19:22,179
The rest of me
is in the pink.
305
00:19:22,246 --> 00:19:24,982
You got to take
better care of yourself.
306
00:19:25,049 --> 00:19:29,120
I don't want you doing
other people's laundry.
307
00:19:29,186 --> 00:19:32,724
What are you sayin',
give up me career?
308
00:19:32,790 --> 00:19:35,326
Maybe you ought to retire.
309
00:19:35,392 --> 00:19:37,695
Enjoy the golden years, Ma.
310
00:19:37,762 --> 00:19:39,831
Not do this.
311
00:19:42,233 --> 00:19:44,802
Son, I couldn't
consider retiring,
312
00:19:44,869 --> 00:19:49,941
not so long as I can
still give good laundry.
313
00:19:51,776 --> 00:19:53,778
Where's Tommy?
314
00:19:53,845 --> 00:19:57,281
Don't be talking to me
about Tommy.
315
00:19:57,348 --> 00:19:58,983
Why not?
316
00:19:59,050 --> 00:20:02,586
Because I'm leaving
law school.
317
00:20:02,653 --> 00:20:05,456
If this is some joke,
I ain't laughing.
318
00:20:05,522 --> 00:20:09,961
I'm dropping out of law school
so Sally and I can be married.
You can't change my mind.
319
00:20:10,027 --> 00:20:11,829
Do you want this, Sally?
320
00:20:11,896 --> 00:20:14,365
I want whatever
Tommy wants.
321
00:20:14,431 --> 00:20:16,700
He makes
the decisions.
322
00:20:16,768 --> 00:20:19,603
Sally's place
is in the home.
323
00:20:19,670 --> 00:20:21,739
I intend to support her.
324
00:20:21,806 --> 00:20:25,476
I'll do anything...
shine boots, drive a hack,
blow glass, anything.
325
00:20:25,542 --> 00:20:27,979
Johnny,
talk sense to him.
326
00:20:28,045 --> 00:20:31,248
Can't you see
you're breaking
your mother's heart?
327
00:20:31,315 --> 00:20:33,117
Why, Tommy?
328
00:20:33,184 --> 00:20:37,154
I can't say it
in front of mom.
329
00:20:37,221 --> 00:20:41,793
Okay. I got some business
to take care of.
330
00:20:41,859 --> 00:20:45,729
You meet me at my place...
Oh, 10:00, all right?
331
00:20:45,797 --> 00:20:49,300
All right.
You little muskrat.
332
00:20:50,634 --> 00:20:53,871
I'll see you, Sally.
Good-bye.
333
00:20:53,938 --> 00:20:57,074
Ma, don't worry.
I'll straighten
everything out.
334
00:20:57,141 --> 00:21:00,577
Hey, Ma, what's this
in your ear?
335
00:21:00,644 --> 00:21:02,113
$100?
336
00:21:05,316 --> 00:21:09,353
What can't you say
in front of mom?
337
00:21:09,420 --> 00:21:10,421
Nothing, Mom.
338
00:21:10,487 --> 00:21:13,390
I know what you can't say.
You want to get laid.
339
00:21:13,457 --> 00:21:15,927
Mom!
You want to hump
your brains out.
340
00:21:15,993 --> 00:21:18,930
Ba-boom! Ba-boom!
Ba-boom! Ba-boom!
341
00:21:21,799 --> 00:21:23,334
Morning, Pat.
342
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:24,768
Morning, Johnny.
343
00:21:24,836 --> 00:21:26,804
How's your dear mother?
344
00:21:26,871 --> 00:21:29,173
Much better.
Thanks for asking.
345
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,708
She's such
a wonderful woman.
346
00:21:31,775 --> 00:21:33,811
Yes, she is.
347
00:21:33,878 --> 00:21:37,248
She's got
the smile of an angel.
348
00:21:38,582 --> 00:21:43,855
* I love all the many charms
about you *
349
00:21:43,921 --> 00:21:48,960
* Above all,
I want my arms about you *
350
00:21:49,026 --> 00:21:51,728
* Don't be a naughty baby *
351
00:21:51,795 --> 00:21:55,099
* Come to mama, do *
352
00:21:55,166 --> 00:21:59,036
* My sweet embraceable *
353
00:21:59,103 --> 00:22:02,239
* You **
354
00:22:02,306 --> 00:22:05,342
Oh, Johnny!
Johnny's here!
355
00:22:05,409 --> 00:22:07,311
Johnny!
356
00:22:07,378 --> 00:22:10,381
Johnny, want to be
my first?
It's my turn.
357
00:22:10,447 --> 00:22:12,816
I'm not wearing a bra.
358
00:22:12,884 --> 00:22:14,818
That makes two of us.
359
00:22:14,886 --> 00:22:16,820
I'm a real blonde.
360
00:22:16,888 --> 00:22:18,890
Check it out Thursday.
361
00:22:18,956 --> 00:22:22,059
How do you do it?
Mutual respect.
362
00:22:22,126 --> 00:22:24,795
Hey, who's
the nightingale?
363
00:22:24,862 --> 00:22:26,263
Some dame.
364
00:22:26,330 --> 00:22:28,799
She flew in
from Pittsburgh.
365
00:22:28,866 --> 00:22:30,101
Say, kid.
366
00:22:30,167 --> 00:22:32,736
What do they call you?
367
00:22:32,803 --> 00:22:34,671
Impressive.
368
00:22:34,738 --> 00:22:37,208
Her name
is Lil Sheridan.
369
00:22:37,274 --> 00:22:38,575
Thanks.
370
00:22:40,511 --> 00:22:42,947
Lil Sheridan, huh?
371
00:22:43,014 --> 00:22:46,250
My name's Dangerously,
Johnny Dangerously.
372
00:22:46,317 --> 00:22:49,921
Do you know your
last name's an adverb?
373
00:22:49,987 --> 00:22:52,323
Hey, I like that.
374
00:22:52,389 --> 00:22:55,826
You got spirit,
spunk, fire, verve.
375
00:22:55,893 --> 00:22:57,861
You got those.
376
00:22:57,929 --> 00:23:00,898
I like those on a woman.
377
00:23:00,965 --> 00:23:03,867
Gee. My heart's
all a-flutter.
378
00:23:03,935 --> 00:23:05,903
I'll tell you what.
379
00:23:05,970 --> 00:23:08,872
Why don't you
take my card?
380
00:23:08,940 --> 00:23:10,574
Enjoying yourself?
381
00:23:10,641 --> 00:23:12,576
You call me tomorrow.
382
00:23:12,643 --> 00:23:17,414
Don't be upset
when you don't hear
the phone ringing.
383
00:23:17,481 --> 00:23:18,882
Suit yourself.
384
00:23:18,950 --> 00:23:21,852
I hope this is
helping your morale.
385
00:23:21,919 --> 00:23:23,887
That's the first time...
386
00:23:23,955 --> 00:23:26,823
I had to
take that card back.
387
00:23:26,890 --> 00:23:29,360
I kind of like it.
388
00:23:38,502 --> 00:23:40,371
I'll be seeing you.
389
00:23:45,742 --> 00:23:49,846
Does the word "smitten"
mean anything to anybody?
390
00:23:49,913 --> 00:23:51,448
Hey, Johnny.
391
00:23:51,515 --> 00:23:52,849
Hiya, Johnny.
392
00:23:52,916 --> 00:23:54,318
Hiya, Vito.
393
00:23:54,385 --> 00:23:57,188
Better cut down
on that pasta, pal.
394
00:23:57,254 --> 00:24:00,757
I'm starting
the Cambridge diet
on Monday.
395
00:24:00,824 --> 00:24:03,160
Why are you so happy?
396
00:24:03,227 --> 00:24:06,463
I just met an angel.
An absolute angel.
397
00:24:06,530 --> 00:24:08,499
You met Lil, huh?
398
00:24:08,565 --> 00:24:10,467
Sure did, Mr. Dundee.
399
00:24:10,534 --> 00:24:12,369
You see this card?
400
00:24:12,436 --> 00:24:15,506
This card
has been to paradise.
401
00:24:15,572 --> 00:24:17,141
Johnny's in love.
402
00:24:17,208 --> 00:24:20,944
You remind me of
me and the wife
20 years ago.
403
00:24:21,012 --> 00:24:24,315
Of course, Mae never
looked like Lil.
404
00:24:24,381 --> 00:24:26,984
Now she
looks like him.
405
00:24:28,185 --> 00:24:31,222
But what am I,
a beauty?
406
00:24:31,288 --> 00:24:34,825
Dames are put on
this Earth to weaken us,
drain our energy,
407
00:24:34,891 --> 00:24:37,461
laugh at us
when they see us naked.
408
00:24:37,528 --> 00:24:41,165
Johnny, meet two new
members of the gang,
409
00:24:41,232 --> 00:24:43,400
Danny Vermin
and Dutch.
410
00:24:43,467 --> 00:24:44,768
Hello, Johnny.
411
00:24:44,835 --> 00:24:46,670
Hiya, Danny.
412
00:24:46,737 --> 00:24:49,640
Danny and I
used to fight.
413
00:24:49,706 --> 00:24:51,808
What happened to you?
414
00:24:51,875 --> 00:24:54,711
I fulfilled
a lot of predictions.
415
00:24:54,778 --> 00:24:56,780
I've become a scumbag.
416
00:24:56,847 --> 00:24:58,349
Good, Danny.
417
00:24:58,415 --> 00:25:02,153
Many people
never realize what
they want to be.
418
00:25:09,326 --> 00:25:12,263
Delivery
for Jocko Dundee.
419
00:25:12,329 --> 00:25:14,265
There's
some postage due,
420
00:25:14,331 --> 00:25:17,401
but I'll
take care of it.
421
00:25:17,468 --> 00:25:19,936
No problem.
422
00:25:20,003 --> 00:25:22,473
What's this?
423
00:25:33,884 --> 00:25:35,652
He sent a robot.
424
00:25:35,719 --> 00:25:39,690
"Dear bastiges,
I hope I got some of you.
425
00:25:39,756 --> 00:25:44,828
"If not, I'll get you
when I take over the Club 25.
426
00:25:44,895 --> 00:25:46,697
Love and kisses,
Roman Moronie."
427
00:25:46,763 --> 00:25:48,232
We got to stop him.
428
00:25:48,299 --> 00:25:51,435
I got something
to stop him.
429
00:25:51,502 --> 00:25:54,705
They made it
for him special.
430
00:25:54,771 --> 00:25:57,241
It's an .88 magnum.
431
00:25:57,308 --> 00:26:00,444
It shoots
through schools.
432
00:26:00,511 --> 00:26:04,815
Vermin, you got too much
sugar in your diet.
433
00:26:04,881 --> 00:26:06,850
Put the gun away.
434
00:26:06,917 --> 00:26:10,221
Maybe I will
and maybe I won't.
435
00:26:10,287 --> 00:26:12,256
Stash the rod, Danny.
436
00:26:12,323 --> 00:26:14,858
You shouldn't
grab me, Johnny.
437
00:26:14,925 --> 00:26:17,361
My mother
grabbed me once.
438
00:26:17,428 --> 00:26:18,929
Once.
439
00:26:18,995 --> 00:26:20,797
What will you do, Johnny?
440
00:26:20,864 --> 00:26:22,666
I'll think of something.
441
00:26:22,733 --> 00:26:26,803
Something clever.
Something unexpected.
442
00:26:26,870 --> 00:26:29,273
Something subtle.
443
00:26:37,548 --> 00:26:40,484
This club
is too fargin small.
444
00:26:40,551 --> 00:26:43,420
How big was the crowd
last night?
445
00:26:43,487 --> 00:26:45,556
Packed. We had to
turn them away.
446
00:26:45,622 --> 00:26:49,693
That's what I mean.
We got to expand
this fargin place.
447
00:26:51,795 --> 00:26:54,831
Knock down that wall,
knock down that wall,
448
00:26:54,898 --> 00:26:57,100
and knock down
that fargin wall.
449
00:26:59,270 --> 00:27:01,172
Now I'm really angry!
450
00:27:01,238 --> 00:27:04,107
This is fargin war!
451
00:27:16,253 --> 00:27:18,189
You must be Tommy.
452
00:27:18,255 --> 00:27:21,225
Uh...
Come in.
453
00:27:21,292 --> 00:27:23,327
Johnny's
expecting you.
454
00:27:25,229 --> 00:27:26,730
Follow me.
455
00:27:29,733 --> 00:27:31,202
Hello, Tommy.
456
00:27:33,837 --> 00:27:35,206
Oh!
457
00:27:35,272 --> 00:27:36,707
Tommy, hey.
458
00:27:36,773 --> 00:27:40,344
Have a seat there,
you little muskrat.
459
00:27:42,246 --> 00:27:44,515
So, Tom...
460
00:27:44,581 --> 00:27:47,451
what's this bull fertilizer
about you quitting law school?
461
00:27:47,518 --> 00:27:50,821
I haven't got
the tits for it.
462
00:27:50,887 --> 00:27:52,723
I mean, the heart.
463
00:27:52,789 --> 00:27:56,827
Tommy, I want you
to pay attention.
464
00:27:56,893 --> 00:28:00,163
I don't understand.
You're tops in your class.
465
00:28:00,231 --> 00:28:03,400
You made the Law Review.
Why get married now?
466
00:28:03,467 --> 00:28:07,338
Because if I don't
get laid, I'll die.
467
00:28:07,404 --> 00:28:10,307
Laid! That's what
this thing's about?
468
00:28:10,374 --> 00:28:13,176
I thought
it was something serious.
469
00:28:13,244 --> 00:28:15,212
It is serious.
470
00:28:15,279 --> 00:28:18,282
I've tried
going to bad girls,
471
00:28:18,349 --> 00:28:20,917
but I'm
too clean-cut.
472
00:28:20,984 --> 00:28:25,256
How do you get laid
in 1930?
473
00:28:25,322 --> 00:28:28,325
Do you think
this is fun?
474
00:28:28,392 --> 00:28:31,862
Do you think
this is a picnic?
475
00:28:31,928 --> 00:28:34,298
This is a bad habit.
476
00:28:34,365 --> 00:28:36,300
It's like drinking coffee.
477
00:28:36,367 --> 00:28:39,270
If I could quit,
I would.
478
00:28:39,336 --> 00:28:41,305
Come in here, Tom.
479
00:28:41,372 --> 00:28:44,408
I want to talk to you.
480
00:28:47,678 --> 00:28:50,747
This is the most
important reason...
481
00:28:50,814 --> 00:28:52,583
why you should wait.
482
00:28:52,649 --> 00:28:55,652
I want to show you something,
483
00:28:55,719 --> 00:28:59,690
something I think
just might open your eyes.
484
00:29:04,295 --> 00:29:09,366
**
485
00:29:09,433 --> 00:29:11,835
Your testicles and you.
486
00:29:13,404 --> 00:29:15,372
Take a good look.
487
00:29:15,439 --> 00:29:17,841
These are
the unlucky ones.
488
00:29:17,908 --> 00:29:23,347
These unfortunate souls
are suffering from E.S.S...
489
00:29:23,414 --> 00:29:26,216
Enlarged scrotum syndrome.
490
00:29:26,283 --> 00:29:29,286
For these poor devils,
it's too late.
491
00:29:29,353 --> 00:29:31,822
But there is hope.
492
00:29:31,888 --> 00:29:34,458
Here, at the Atlanta
Genital Institute,
493
00:29:34,525 --> 00:29:37,828
doctors are at work
around the clock...
494
00:29:37,894 --> 00:29:40,096
to cure this
dreaded affliction.
495
00:29:40,163 --> 00:29:43,434
Hi. I'm Dr. Zillman,
496
00:29:43,500 --> 00:29:48,439
and I'd like to talk to you
about your testes.
497
00:29:48,505 --> 00:29:51,442
The human testicle
is not unlike a balloon.
498
00:29:51,508 --> 00:29:55,479
Sometimes it is empty,
and sometimes...
499
00:29:56,747 --> 00:29:58,682
it is full.
500
00:29:58,749 --> 00:30:00,484
And sometimes,
501
00:30:00,551 --> 00:30:02,686
it can explode.
502
00:30:02,753 --> 00:30:05,389
This may help you understand.
503
00:30:05,456 --> 00:30:08,592
Just remember
that your testicles,
504
00:30:08,659 --> 00:30:11,495
when treated
with love and care,
505
00:30:11,562 --> 00:30:15,499
will give you years
of maintenance-free service.
506
00:30:18,335 --> 00:30:21,505
But if abused, well...
507
00:30:23,474 --> 00:30:25,509
the inevitable conclusion.
508
00:30:26,777 --> 00:30:30,514
So next time,
do the smart thing.
509
00:30:30,581 --> 00:30:34,951
Don't let anything come between
your testicles and you.
510
00:30:35,018 --> 00:30:36,553
Thank you.
511
00:30:42,058 --> 00:30:43,994
Where are you going?
512
00:30:44,060 --> 00:30:45,929
Back to law school.
513
00:30:48,665 --> 00:30:51,535
**
514
00:30:58,542 --> 00:31:01,445
Let's hear it
for the band.
515
00:31:01,512 --> 00:31:03,680
Johnny, great to see you.
516
00:31:03,747 --> 00:31:06,717
I got an announcement
to make.
517
00:31:06,783 --> 00:31:10,186
When I die,
hopefully in my bed...
518
00:31:12,623 --> 00:31:17,461
I want to go knowing
that the Jocko Dundee mob...
519
00:31:17,528 --> 00:31:19,996
will continue
with the traditions,
520
00:31:20,063 --> 00:31:21,865
with the high standards,
521
00:31:21,932 --> 00:31:26,369
that made us
the New York Yankees of crime.
522
00:31:28,439 --> 00:31:30,441
For that reason,
523
00:31:30,507 --> 00:31:34,377
I'm naming
as my successor...
524
00:31:34,445 --> 00:31:36,379
Johnny Dangerously.
525
00:31:39,315 --> 00:31:42,886
I want you
to give a warm welcome...
526
00:31:42,953 --> 00:31:46,022
to a shy,
retiring little lady...
527
00:31:46,089 --> 00:31:47,891
who's come to us...
528
00:31:47,958 --> 00:31:50,527
from a convent school
in Pittsburgh,
529
00:31:50,594 --> 00:31:52,729
Lil Sheridan.
530
00:32:05,509 --> 00:32:08,879
* Over my undies
trimmed in lace *
531
00:32:08,945 --> 00:32:12,716
* I slip on
my black silk disgrace *
532
00:32:12,783 --> 00:32:16,487
* Cut so low,
they'll raid the place *
533
00:32:16,553 --> 00:32:19,456
* I wanna dress dangerously *
534
00:32:19,523 --> 00:32:21,825
Yeah!
* I need to be reckless *
535
00:32:21,892 --> 00:32:23,960
* I need to be daring *
536
00:32:24,027 --> 00:32:27,564
* I need to take chances
and tempt my fate *
537
00:32:27,631 --> 00:32:29,600
* I need to be foolish *
538
00:32:29,666 --> 00:32:31,267
* Need to be crazy *
539
00:32:31,334 --> 00:32:34,705
* Before it's too late
and I'm out of date *
540
00:32:41,344 --> 00:32:46,416
* I'll feed you sizzling steak
and bootleg gin *
541
00:32:46,483 --> 00:32:49,920
* And chocolate cake
till it's a sin *
542
00:32:49,986 --> 00:32:53,389
* We'll work it off
and keep you thin *
543
00:32:53,456 --> 00:32:56,993
* I wanna eat dangerously *
544
00:32:57,060 --> 00:32:58,729
Woo!
545
00:32:58,795 --> 00:33:01,665
* Sizzlin', Sss *
546
00:33:02,999 --> 00:33:04,067
* Cheers *
547
00:33:09,172 --> 00:33:11,041
* I wanna *
548
00:33:11,107 --> 00:33:12,643
* Dangerously *
549
00:33:12,709 --> 00:33:14,678
* I need to be reckless *
550
00:33:14,745 --> 00:33:16,647
* I need to be daring *
551
00:33:16,713 --> 00:33:20,450
* I need to take chances
and tempt my fate *
552
00:33:20,517 --> 00:33:22,318
* I need to be foolish *
553
00:33:22,385 --> 00:33:24,120
* Need to be crazy *
554
00:33:24,187 --> 00:33:28,091
* Before it's too late
and I'm out of date *
555
00:33:31,461 --> 00:33:35,566
* I'm just a slave
to my desire *
556
00:33:35,632 --> 00:33:39,770
* And not afraid
to play with fire *
557
00:33:39,836 --> 00:33:43,807
* I'll fan your flame
and get it higher *
558
00:33:43,874 --> 00:33:47,377
* I wanna live dangerously *
559
00:33:47,443 --> 00:33:50,013
* I wanna eat *
560
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:51,615
* Dangerously *
561
00:33:51,682 --> 00:33:54,184
* I wanna love *
562
00:33:59,723 --> 00:34:05,295
* Dangerously **
563
00:34:17,574 --> 00:34:19,509
There's Johnny.
564
00:34:19,576 --> 00:34:22,012
Oh, he's so cute!
565
00:34:32,222 --> 00:34:33,990
You're holding up traffic.
566
00:34:34,057 --> 00:34:37,160
I figure
that song you sang...
567
00:34:37,227 --> 00:34:39,529
gave me
the green light.
568
00:34:39,596 --> 00:34:41,564
You're off red,
569
00:34:41,632 --> 00:34:44,000
but you're
still on amber.
570
00:34:44,067 --> 00:34:47,170
I hope that light
changes soon...
571
00:34:47,237 --> 00:34:49,005
because my motor's running.
572
00:34:49,072 --> 00:34:51,574
Be careful
you don't overheat.
573
00:34:51,642 --> 00:34:54,110
I'll tell you one thing.
574
00:34:54,177 --> 00:34:55,545
What's that?
575
00:34:55,612 --> 00:34:57,447
You sure can banter.
576
00:34:57,513 --> 00:35:02,485
Then I decided
to leave Pittsburgh
and come here to Chicago.
577
00:35:02,552 --> 00:35:05,155
Uh, Lil?
Yeah?
578
00:35:05,221 --> 00:35:09,459
This ain't Chicago.
We're in New York.
579
00:35:09,525 --> 00:35:11,594
You're kidding.
580
00:35:12,595 --> 00:35:14,564
Well, New York,
Chicago...
581
00:35:14,631 --> 00:35:19,602
to a girl on her own,
it's all the same.
582
00:35:21,437 --> 00:35:24,074
I figured mom and dad...
583
00:35:24,140 --> 00:35:26,542
didn't need me
around anymore,
584
00:35:26,609 --> 00:35:28,511
not with
14 mouths to feed.
585
00:35:28,578 --> 00:35:31,081
Your folks had 14 kids?
586
00:35:31,147 --> 00:35:34,117
They ran a kennel.
587
00:35:34,184 --> 00:35:35,952
What about your folks?
588
00:35:36,019 --> 00:35:38,421
My mother
raised us herself.
589
00:35:38,488 --> 00:35:41,825
I never knew
my father or uncle.
590
00:35:41,892 --> 00:35:44,761
I kind of knew
my grandmother.
591
00:35:44,828 --> 00:35:46,830
Didn't know
my grandfather.
592
00:35:46,897 --> 00:35:49,966
Never knew
any of my cousins.
593
00:35:50,033 --> 00:35:51,501
Any pets?
594
00:35:51,567 --> 00:35:53,569
We had a dog.
595
00:35:53,636 --> 00:35:55,538
He ran away
when I was a kid.
596
00:35:55,605 --> 00:35:57,774
Never knew him.
597
00:36:04,614 --> 00:36:07,317
Where the hell are we?
598
00:36:11,087 --> 00:36:14,557
Johnny, I'm falling
in a big way.
599
00:36:14,624 --> 00:36:16,559
You got company, kid.
600
00:36:16,626 --> 00:36:18,628
Where will we land?
601
00:36:18,695 --> 00:36:22,032
When we do,
will our hearts break?
602
00:36:22,098 --> 00:36:25,135
There are answers
to these questions,
603
00:36:25,201 --> 00:36:26,669
but first...
604
00:36:40,717 --> 00:36:43,086
Sounds like
Johnny's getting laid.
605
00:36:46,189 --> 00:36:48,624
Moronie was still
on the warpath.
606
00:36:48,691 --> 00:36:50,961
Even getting to work
was an adventure.
607
00:36:52,228 --> 00:36:54,130
Be careful.
608
00:36:54,197 --> 00:36:58,001
There's not
a bullet out there
with my name on it.
609
00:37:01,171 --> 00:37:05,175
I couldn't stand it
if something
happened to you.
610
00:37:05,241 --> 00:37:07,110
Neither could I.
611
00:37:26,296 --> 00:37:28,231
One hippopotamus,
612
00:37:28,298 --> 00:37:29,632
two hippopotamus,
613
00:37:29,699 --> 00:37:31,167
three hippopotamus.
614
00:37:31,234 --> 00:37:32,335
Go!
615
00:37:53,623 --> 00:37:55,058
Wait!
616
00:37:55,125 --> 00:37:57,027
Get him.
617
00:38:04,567 --> 00:38:05,969
Morning, Johnny.
618
00:38:06,036 --> 00:38:08,038
How's your precious mother?
619
00:38:11,842 --> 00:38:13,543
Hee hee!
620
00:38:18,048 --> 00:38:20,917
Whew. You been
out there today?
621
00:38:20,984 --> 00:38:22,585
Pretty rough?
622
00:38:22,652 --> 00:38:25,021
Not as bad
as yesterday.
623
00:38:25,088 --> 00:38:27,623
You'll feel better
if you have a cookie.
624
00:38:27,690 --> 00:38:28,959
Thanks.
625
00:38:29,025 --> 00:38:31,127
All fixed, Mr. Dundee.
626
00:38:31,194 --> 00:38:32,528
Thanks, pal.
627
00:38:32,595 --> 00:38:34,530
Who's that guy?
628
00:38:34,597 --> 00:38:35,999
The plumber.
629
00:38:36,066 --> 00:38:38,501
My bathroom drain
was stuck.
630
00:38:38,568 --> 00:38:42,939
Where's all this
gangland warfare
getting us, anyway?
631
00:38:43,006 --> 00:38:45,075
I want Moronie,
632
00:38:45,141 --> 00:38:50,080
and I'm not
going to rest
until I get him.
633
00:38:51,047 --> 00:38:54,017
Or until he gets you.
634
00:38:54,084 --> 00:38:57,520
Hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey!
635
00:38:57,587 --> 00:38:58,989
Ow.
636
00:38:59,055 --> 00:39:01,157
Relax, Johnny.
Relax.
637
00:39:01,224 --> 00:39:02,558
Come on.
638
00:39:02,625 --> 00:39:04,494
Heh heh heh!
639
00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:07,864
A year from now,
we'll look back
on all this...
640
00:39:07,931 --> 00:39:12,168
and we're gonna have
one big laugh.
641
00:39:12,235 --> 00:39:14,037
Oh, boy.
642
00:39:14,104 --> 00:39:17,007
I really
had to wee-wee.
643
00:39:17,073 --> 00:39:18,508
That's funny.
644
00:39:18,574 --> 00:39:22,512
This bathroom drain
was never stuck before.
645
00:39:25,648 --> 00:39:27,450
Mr. Dundee!
646
00:39:27,517 --> 00:39:28,584
Wait!
647
00:39:33,589 --> 00:39:38,194
Have you got the number
of that other plumber?
648
00:39:38,261 --> 00:39:39,629
Mr. Dundee...
649
00:39:39,695 --> 00:39:41,697
Aah! Oh, my God!
650
00:39:41,764 --> 00:39:45,035
Moronie, what have
you done to me?
651
00:39:45,101 --> 00:39:47,037
Now look, calm down.
652
00:39:47,103 --> 00:39:49,205
Why go on living?
653
00:39:49,272 --> 00:39:50,606
Don't panic.
654
00:39:50,673 --> 00:39:52,075
Calm down?
655
00:39:52,142 --> 00:39:55,678
I have my dork
in my hand!
656
00:39:55,745 --> 00:39:58,214
It's not your dork.
Look.
657
00:39:58,281 --> 00:39:59,682
Thank God.
658
00:39:59,749 --> 00:40:02,185
It's just
the chain handle.
659
00:40:02,252 --> 00:40:03,253
Sure.
660
00:40:03,319 --> 00:40:05,288
Freddy,
you're still here,
661
00:40:05,355 --> 00:40:07,657
you little
baldheaded beauty.
662
00:40:07,723 --> 00:40:10,126
I thought I lost you.
663
00:40:10,193 --> 00:40:13,629
Johnny, this is
a sign from above.
664
00:40:13,696 --> 00:40:15,631
You okay, boss?
665
00:40:15,698 --> 00:40:16,832
Johnny,
666
00:40:16,899 --> 00:40:19,669
I'm retiring before
it's too late.
667
00:40:19,735 --> 00:40:21,737
You remember this?
668
00:40:21,804 --> 00:40:24,507
Take it.
You're the boss now.
669
00:40:24,574 --> 00:40:26,042
Oh, no.
670
00:40:26,109 --> 00:40:29,012
I'm not ready
for the responsibility.
671
00:40:29,079 --> 00:40:32,248
I'm ready.
Forget it, Vermin.
672
00:40:46,496 --> 00:40:48,264
I was on top.
673
00:40:48,331 --> 00:40:50,300
Moronie and I had a truce.
674
00:40:50,366 --> 00:40:53,003
Lil and I
were going strong.
675
00:40:53,069 --> 00:40:57,140
And Ma, between occasional
transplants and bypasses,
676
00:40:57,207 --> 00:41:00,043
her health was improving.
677
00:41:00,110 --> 00:41:03,646
I was on top
of the world.
678
00:41:03,713 --> 00:41:05,448
Great story, pops.
So long.
679
00:41:05,515 --> 00:41:09,085
Wait. I'm getting
to the sad part.
680
00:41:09,152 --> 00:41:13,089
Everything else in my life
was going so well.
681
00:41:13,156 --> 00:41:17,127
I was about to face
my greatest challenge.
682
00:41:25,735 --> 00:41:28,604
Tommy, we're
so proud of you.
683
00:41:28,671 --> 00:41:30,673
We sure are, kid.
684
00:41:30,740 --> 00:41:34,044
I owe it all
to you, Johnny.
685
00:41:34,110 --> 00:41:36,679
This calls
for a picture.
686
00:41:36,746 --> 00:41:39,049
Wait. I'll get
me camera.
687
00:41:39,115 --> 00:41:40,816
Hold this.
688
00:41:40,883 --> 00:41:43,553
Where the hell
is that camera?
689
00:41:50,226 --> 00:41:53,429
Tommy, I want you
to have something.
690
00:41:53,496 --> 00:41:55,398
"Kimball, Pritchert,
and Williston?"
691
00:41:55,465 --> 00:41:58,468
Biggest law firm
in the city.
692
00:41:58,534 --> 00:42:01,937
Call them.
You'll find them
receptive.
693
00:42:02,004 --> 00:42:04,907
Thanks, Johnny,
but I've already decided.
694
00:42:04,974 --> 00:42:07,410
You'll be proud of me.
695
00:42:07,477 --> 00:42:10,346
I'm joining
the District Attorney's office.
696
00:42:10,413 --> 00:42:13,649
Johnny, I'm going to
dedicate my life...
697
00:42:13,716 --> 00:42:15,651
to fighting crime.
698
00:42:15,718 --> 00:42:17,587
Isn't that great?
699
00:42:17,653 --> 00:42:21,657
My brother, who I put
through law school,
700
00:42:21,724 --> 00:42:23,626
is gonna be fighting...
701
00:42:23,693 --> 00:42:25,728
Crime.
Crime.
702
00:42:29,732 --> 00:42:31,501
Mom, it's prohibition.
703
00:42:31,567 --> 00:42:35,004
Stop acting like
a fag choir boy.
704
00:42:35,071 --> 00:42:36,706
Here.
705
00:42:36,772 --> 00:42:39,109
To me two
darling sons,
706
00:42:39,175 --> 00:42:41,711
one a famous
nightclub owner,
707
00:42:41,777 --> 00:42:43,513
the other
a crime fighter.
708
00:42:43,579 --> 00:42:46,516
With a father
like Killer Kelly,
709
00:42:46,582 --> 00:42:49,519
it's a miracle
neither of you...
710
00:42:49,585 --> 00:42:52,422
became a piece-of-shit
criminal.
711
00:42:52,488 --> 00:42:55,158
Maybe she was right.
I decided to go legit.
712
00:42:55,225 --> 00:42:59,195
Then I got more bad news
about mom.
713
00:42:59,262 --> 00:43:01,264
About your mom, John.
What is it?
How much?
714
00:43:01,331 --> 00:43:05,067
A blocked salivary
gland... $7,500.
715
00:43:05,135 --> 00:43:06,569
Go ahead.
716
00:43:06,636 --> 00:43:09,939
It'll be good
seeing her spit again.
717
00:43:10,005 --> 00:43:11,907
I returned to crime.
718
00:43:11,974 --> 00:43:15,911
Since I had
the district attorney
on our payroll,
719
00:43:15,978 --> 00:43:17,813
I wasn't worried
about Tommy.
720
00:43:19,782 --> 00:43:22,185
I'm the new Assistant D.A.
721
00:43:22,252 --> 00:43:26,088
I'm ready to join
the war against crime.
722
00:43:26,156 --> 00:43:28,090
The boss in?
723
00:43:28,158 --> 00:43:29,625
In there.
724
00:43:32,362 --> 00:43:35,030
Hi. Tommy Kelly
reporting for work, sir.
725
00:43:35,097 --> 00:43:36,932
Welcome to the team.
726
00:43:36,999 --> 00:43:42,472
I'm proud to be on any team
whose adversary is crime.
727
00:43:42,538 --> 00:43:45,941
That's just what
I wanted to hear.
728
00:43:46,008 --> 00:43:50,480
That's why
we scout law schools
for young idealists.
729
00:43:50,546 --> 00:43:54,049
But why not ease
into the job?
730
00:43:54,116 --> 00:43:56,085
Take a little vacation.
731
00:43:56,152 --> 00:43:59,088
A vacation?
But what about crime?
732
00:43:59,155 --> 00:44:02,658
It'll be here
when you get back.
733
00:44:02,725 --> 00:44:04,460
That's the trouble.
734
00:44:04,527 --> 00:44:07,096
Crime will always be here...
735
00:44:07,163 --> 00:44:10,032
unless something
is done about it.
736
00:44:10,099 --> 00:44:13,135
But Tommy didn't go
on vacation.
737
00:44:13,203 --> 00:44:15,371
He became
a tireless crime fighter.
738
00:44:15,438 --> 00:44:18,408
He fought crime
in the newspapers.
739
00:44:18,474 --> 00:44:22,011
He attacked it
on the radio.
740
00:44:22,077 --> 00:44:24,480
He arrested
every criminal in town.
741
00:44:24,547 --> 00:44:29,051
Then he turned his sights
on my enemy, Moronie.
742
00:44:29,118 --> 00:44:34,224
That Roman Troy Moronie
is responsible for
the Mother's Day massacre,
743
00:44:34,290 --> 00:44:36,192
the Christmas Day slaughter,
744
00:44:36,259 --> 00:44:39,362
the Lincoln's Birthday
mutilation,
745
00:44:39,429 --> 00:44:42,332
and the Groundhog's Day
beheadings.
746
00:44:42,398 --> 00:44:46,602
My client wants to read
a prepared statement.
747
00:44:46,669 --> 00:44:47,970
Go ahead.
748
00:44:48,037 --> 00:44:50,540
I would like to direct this...
749
00:44:50,606 --> 00:44:55,110
to the distinguished
members of the panel.
750
00:44:55,177 --> 00:44:57,179
"You lousy corksuckers.
751
00:44:57,247 --> 00:45:00,683
"You have violated
my fargin rights.
752
00:45:00,750 --> 00:45:03,553
"This sum un om
botching country...
753
00:45:03,619 --> 00:45:07,523
"was founded so
that the liberties...
754
00:45:07,590 --> 00:45:10,460
"of common patriotic
citizens like me...
755
00:45:10,526 --> 00:45:13,095
"could not be taken away...
756
00:45:13,162 --> 00:45:15,631
"by a bunch
of fargin iceholes...
757
00:45:15,698 --> 00:45:17,433
like yourselves."
758
00:45:17,500 --> 00:45:19,669
Thank you very much.
759
00:45:21,637 --> 00:45:23,939
What do you know about
Benny the Hump,
760
00:45:24,006 --> 00:45:27,710
Roland Carpiti,
and Izzy the Nose
mean to you?
761
00:45:27,777 --> 00:45:29,345
Don't mean a thing.
762
00:45:29,412 --> 00:45:31,781
Recognize this?
763
00:45:31,847 --> 00:45:33,148
No.
764
00:45:33,215 --> 00:45:36,118
Your fingerprints
are on this gun,
765
00:45:36,185 --> 00:45:39,121
which was used
to kill everyone...
766
00:45:39,188 --> 00:45:41,457
in a building
at 110 East 40th Street.
767
00:45:41,524 --> 00:45:43,893
Where do you
get that?
768
00:45:43,959 --> 00:45:47,229
If a train left New York
at 300 miles per hour,
769
00:45:47,297 --> 00:45:50,400
accelerated speed
15 miles per hour,
770
00:45:50,466 --> 00:45:54,437
and traveled
a distance of 683 miles,
771
00:45:54,504 --> 00:45:57,607
what time would that train
reach Chicago?
772
00:45:57,673 --> 00:46:00,276
That's a fargin
silly question!
773
00:46:00,343 --> 00:46:03,613
When, sir?
When would that train
reach Chicago?
774
00:46:06,916 --> 00:46:11,521
This... this weed of crime
that threatens to grow
unchecked...
775
00:46:11,587 --> 00:46:14,524
and choke off
this beautiful flower...
776
00:46:14,590 --> 00:46:17,560
which is our free,
democratic society...
777
00:46:17,627 --> 00:46:21,964
I never thought
this radio stunt
would catch on.
778
00:46:22,031 --> 00:46:26,936
The public sees him
as a knight in shining armor.
779
00:46:27,002 --> 00:46:30,540
This goes through armor,
through the victim,
780
00:46:30,606 --> 00:46:34,109
through the wall,
through a tree outside...
781
00:46:34,176 --> 00:46:37,146
Relax. Kelly has
nothing on us.
782
00:46:37,212 --> 00:46:41,150
Maybe we should wait
till he does, huh?
783
00:46:41,216 --> 00:46:44,186
We kill Kelly
and we'll have trouble.
784
00:46:44,253 --> 00:46:48,391
If Jocko was in charge,
Kelly would have cement loafers.
785
00:46:48,458 --> 00:46:50,893
I'm in charge,
not Jocko.
786
00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:53,128
Got it?
787
00:46:53,195 --> 00:46:55,565
Talk sense to the kid.
788
00:46:55,631 --> 00:46:58,233
Get him to play ball.
789
00:46:58,300 --> 00:47:01,671
We'll appeal to his
more practical side.
790
00:47:01,737 --> 00:47:06,175
While you're at it,
buy yourself a second home.
791
00:47:06,241 --> 00:47:07,743
Thanks, Johnny.
792
00:47:07,810 --> 00:47:09,078
Sure.
793
00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:13,215
This gang's getting soft.
794
00:47:13,282 --> 00:47:16,285
By letting Kelly
take us apart,
795
00:47:16,352 --> 00:47:19,288
we've become laughingstocks
of the underworld.
796
00:47:19,355 --> 00:47:21,991
I'm embarrassed
to tell people what I do.
797
00:47:22,057 --> 00:47:25,661
I say I'm a barber.
I told somebody
I was a male nurse.
798
00:47:25,728 --> 00:47:28,798
I'm ashamed to admit
I'm a criminal.
799
00:47:28,864 --> 00:47:31,767
We got to do something
about this.
800
00:47:31,834 --> 00:47:34,303
You fellas
really disappoint me.
801
00:47:34,370 --> 00:47:37,139
Look around.
What do you see?
802
00:47:37,206 --> 00:47:40,175
I'll tell you what I see.
803
00:47:40,242 --> 00:47:43,546
I see some guys
doing pretty good.
804
00:47:43,613 --> 00:47:46,148
Manny, you got a sauna?
805
00:47:46,215 --> 00:47:48,718
Yeah,
I got a sauna.
806
00:47:48,784 --> 00:47:50,219
All right.
807
00:47:50,285 --> 00:47:53,155
Ollie, don't you
send your mother...
808
00:47:53,222 --> 00:47:55,124
to Norway every summer?
809
00:47:55,190 --> 00:47:56,592
Yeah, Johnny.
810
00:47:56,659 --> 00:48:00,162
Vito, how many hats
do you own?
811
00:48:00,229 --> 00:48:02,197
Upwards around 180.
812
00:48:02,264 --> 00:48:05,701
180 hats.
That's a lot of hats.
813
00:48:05,768 --> 00:48:07,169
Yeah.
814
00:48:07,236 --> 00:48:09,672
You never
told me that.
815
00:48:09,739 --> 00:48:14,209
Tell me another gang
that's got a dental plan.
816
00:48:14,276 --> 00:48:17,146
You know why
we're so successful?
817
00:48:17,212 --> 00:48:18,581
Why, Johnny?
818
00:48:18,648 --> 00:48:20,616
Because we're diversified.
819
00:48:20,683 --> 00:48:23,853
Diversification,
yes, sir.
820
00:48:23,919 --> 00:48:27,022
We're constantly exploring
new areas of crime.
821
00:48:27,089 --> 00:48:30,192
We better because
there's Japanese gangs...
822
00:48:30,259 --> 00:48:33,563
that will do it
faster and cheaper.
823
00:48:33,629 --> 00:48:36,198
There's so much out there.
824
00:48:36,265 --> 00:48:39,234
You can find
something you like.
825
00:48:39,301 --> 00:48:42,171
I like
what I'm doing now.
826
00:48:42,237 --> 00:48:44,574
I enjoy
giving whores work,
827
00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:46,609
loan sharking,
planting bombs.
828
00:48:46,676 --> 00:48:50,412
These are a few
of my favorite things.
829
00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:52,047
Sick. Dumb-ass.
830
00:48:54,717 --> 00:48:56,752
You missed, fuck face.
831
00:48:58,621 --> 00:49:00,690
All right, Vermin.
832
00:49:00,756 --> 00:49:04,594
You're not
getting that back
till you've matured.
833
00:49:04,660 --> 00:49:06,629
Aren't we touchy,
Johnny?
834
00:49:06,696 --> 00:49:10,800
Something going on
between you and Kelly?
835
00:49:13,636 --> 00:49:16,639
Don't hang me on a hook.
836
00:49:16,706 --> 00:49:19,341
My father hung me
on a hook once.
837
00:49:19,408 --> 00:49:21,777
Once.
838
00:49:25,280 --> 00:49:27,282
Come on, boys, I'm buying.
839
00:49:27,349 --> 00:49:29,351
Now you're talking.
840
00:49:29,418 --> 00:49:32,087
Hang in there, Vermin.
841
00:49:32,154 --> 00:49:36,626
There's something fishy
with Johnny and that D.A.
842
00:49:36,692 --> 00:49:39,662
I'm gonna find out
what it is.
843
00:49:58,681 --> 00:50:04,286
I've got enough evidence
to put Johnny Dangerously
where he belongs.
844
00:50:04,353 --> 00:50:08,190
We don't even know
such a man exists.
845
00:50:08,257 --> 00:50:09,692
Until now.
846
00:50:09,759 --> 00:50:12,728
Sir, I have got
conclusive evidence...
847
00:50:12,795 --> 00:50:16,265
Notarized depositions,
tire prints, blood samples.
848
00:50:16,331 --> 00:50:18,133
I've got
eyewitness accounts,
849
00:50:18,200 --> 00:50:20,703
murder weapons,
fingerprints, recordings.
850
00:50:20,770 --> 00:50:22,672
Hold it. Hold it.
Hold it, kid.
851
00:50:22,738 --> 00:50:25,140
It's flimsy.
It's not enough.
852
00:50:25,207 --> 00:50:30,245
It'll never hold up,
not in a court of law.
853
00:50:30,312 --> 00:50:32,114
Let's put this aside.
854
00:50:32,181 --> 00:50:35,751
We're here to socialize,
not talk shop.
855
00:50:40,389 --> 00:50:43,258
Had enough
milk-fed veal, Tommy?
856
00:50:43,325 --> 00:50:45,227
Yes, sir. Thank you.
857
00:50:45,294 --> 00:50:49,865
Can we get back
to this damaging evidence
on Johnny Dangerously?
858
00:50:49,932 --> 00:50:51,333
No.
859
00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:54,236
Tonight,
I want to talk about...
860
00:50:54,303 --> 00:50:57,640
Tommy Kelly
and his future.
861
00:50:57,707 --> 00:50:59,642
You're engaged,
aren't you?
862
00:50:59,709 --> 00:51:03,212
Yes, to a fine
and decent girl.
863
00:51:03,278 --> 00:51:05,581
We plan to marry soon.
864
00:51:05,648 --> 00:51:08,584
As soon as
you can afford it.
865
00:51:08,651 --> 00:51:10,219
We'll manage.
866
00:51:10,285 --> 00:51:12,722
Oh, I'm sure
you will.
867
00:51:14,389 --> 00:51:17,192
But a little help
can't hurt.
868
00:51:18,661 --> 00:51:21,263
Let me show you
something.
869
00:51:27,637 --> 00:51:30,072
It's time to play ball!
870
00:51:30,139 --> 00:51:34,143
Let's see what's in store
for Tommy Kelly...
871
00:51:34,209 --> 00:51:36,211
if he plays ball.
872
00:51:36,278 --> 00:51:38,113
In a hurry, Sally?
873
00:51:38,180 --> 00:51:41,283
Use this time-saving
microflame oven.
874
00:51:41,350 --> 00:51:44,519
Cook a turkey
in under a day.
875
00:51:44,586 --> 00:51:47,422
In a rut, Tom?
Get away!
876
00:51:47,489 --> 00:51:52,628
Take a trip around the world
on us, twice, aboard the...
877
00:51:52,695 --> 00:51:56,198
S.S. Kelly.
878
00:51:56,265 --> 00:51:58,067
And when you return,
879
00:51:58,133 --> 00:52:01,603
move into your own
little love nest.
880
00:52:01,671 --> 00:52:03,906
Plenty of extra
closet space.
881
00:52:03,973 --> 00:52:06,408
Perfect for entertaining.
882
00:52:06,475 --> 00:52:09,712
And on those chilly
winter nights,
883
00:52:09,779 --> 00:52:13,649
Sally can wrap herself up
in this number.
884
00:52:13,716 --> 00:52:16,686
And on those
hot summer nights,
885
00:52:16,752 --> 00:52:20,656
Sally can wrap
herself up in ice.
886
00:52:20,723 --> 00:52:23,859
It's all yours,
if you play ball.
887
00:52:26,228 --> 00:52:28,130
What do you say?
888
00:52:29,699 --> 00:52:33,102
I say I'll see you
behind bars.
889
00:52:46,749 --> 00:52:48,050
What's up?
890
00:52:48,117 --> 00:52:51,186
He didn't go for it.
What now?
891
00:52:51,253 --> 00:52:52,654
I'll ask Johnny.
892
00:52:52,722 --> 00:52:55,524
Johnny, what will you do
about Kelly?
893
00:52:55,590 --> 00:52:57,860
"Kill him."
He says kill him.
894
00:52:57,927 --> 00:53:02,297
I thought he'd feel that way,
so I've taken care of it.
895
00:53:06,535 --> 00:53:08,738
**
896
00:53:11,040 --> 00:53:13,909
* I'm a sentimental sap,
that's all *
897
00:53:13,976 --> 00:53:16,011
* What's the use of trying
not to fall *
898
00:53:16,078 --> 00:53:18,347
* I have no will,
you've made your kill *
899
00:53:18,413 --> 00:53:20,716
* 'Cause you took
advantage of me *
900
00:53:20,783 --> 00:53:22,417
* I'm just like an apple
on a bough *
901
00:53:22,484 --> 00:53:24,029
* And you're going to
shake me down somehow *
902
00:53:24,053 --> 00:53:25,653
* So what's the use
She cooked my goose *
903
00:53:25,687 --> 00:53:26,521
* When she took
advantage of me **
904
00:53:28,724 --> 00:53:32,294
Oh, my God!
905
00:53:32,361 --> 00:53:34,196
Whoa!
906
00:53:34,263 --> 00:53:36,365
Aahhh!
907
00:53:36,431 --> 00:53:38,367
Oh, my God!
908
00:53:38,433 --> 00:53:40,069
Oh, my God!
909
00:53:45,374 --> 00:53:47,276
Which one's Tommy?
910
00:53:47,342 --> 00:53:49,211
Got me.
911
00:53:49,278 --> 00:53:51,280
Dr. Michael Hertzberg
to surgery.
912
00:53:51,346 --> 00:53:52,748
This is him.
913
00:53:52,815 --> 00:53:55,284
He's got
his father's eyes.
914
00:53:55,350 --> 00:53:57,219
Give me a pen.
915
00:53:58,387 --> 00:54:00,489
In case they move him.
916
00:54:03,826 --> 00:54:06,728
Hey, Ma.
Is he going to...
917
00:54:06,796 --> 00:54:08,697
I mean, will he...
918
00:54:08,764 --> 00:54:10,800
Croak? No.
919
00:54:10,866 --> 00:54:14,736
Dr. Kaplan says he's
going to be fine.
920
00:54:14,804 --> 00:54:16,705
We Kellys are tough.
921
00:54:16,772 --> 00:54:18,808
What happened?
922
00:54:18,874 --> 00:54:22,444
His brakes failed
leaving the D.A.'s.
923
00:54:22,511 --> 00:54:24,513
His brakes?
924
00:54:24,579 --> 00:54:27,049
I smell a rat.
925
00:54:28,617 --> 00:54:31,020
Get yourself a cab, Ma.
926
00:54:31,086 --> 00:54:35,057
I got a little business
to attend to.
927
00:54:36,658 --> 00:54:39,795
Dr. Hugo Carey, emergency.
928
00:54:39,862 --> 00:54:43,165
This is very nice,
although unexpected.
929
00:54:43,232 --> 00:54:49,071
Well, Winston,
you been on the take
from us all these years.
930
00:54:49,138 --> 00:54:52,007
Just my way
of saying thanks.
931
00:54:52,074 --> 00:54:54,343
That's real generous.
932
00:54:54,409 --> 00:54:56,078
You know...
933
00:54:56,145 --> 00:54:58,680
you've always
seemed to me...
934
00:54:58,747 --> 00:55:02,684
to be more sensitive
than the rest.
935
00:55:02,751 --> 00:55:06,088
We should spend
some time together,
936
00:55:06,155 --> 00:55:09,524
say two weeks
in Puerto Rico.
937
00:55:11,160 --> 00:55:13,095
It's a thought.
It's a thought.
938
00:55:13,162 --> 00:55:16,265
I picked
something up for you.
939
00:55:19,668 --> 00:55:22,137
John... John.
940
00:55:25,707 --> 00:55:28,143
A smoking jacket.
941
00:55:29,278 --> 00:55:30,745
Red.
942
00:55:30,812 --> 00:55:32,614
My favorite color.
943
00:55:32,681 --> 00:55:34,149
Oh.
944
00:55:39,688 --> 00:55:41,090
Mmm! Tasty.
945
00:55:41,156 --> 00:55:43,658
What is this
we're drinking?
946
00:55:43,725 --> 00:55:45,660
Uh... read the label.
947
00:55:45,727 --> 00:55:48,163
I got to make a call.
948
00:55:50,732 --> 00:55:52,567
Malt liquor. Hmm.
949
00:55:59,508 --> 00:56:02,177
Aah!
950
00:56:12,321 --> 00:56:13,588
Yo!
951
00:56:23,732 --> 00:56:25,734
My God.
952
00:56:25,800 --> 00:56:29,939
My God, I can see.
I can see!
953
00:56:54,796 --> 00:56:56,765
Hi, honey. I'm home.
954
00:56:56,831 --> 00:56:58,767
Johnny, you're early.
955
00:56:58,833 --> 00:57:01,470
That's all right,
isn't it?
956
00:57:03,038 --> 00:57:06,508
You never missed before.
Is something wrong?
957
00:57:09,844 --> 00:57:11,513
Oh, hi, Johnny.
958
00:57:11,580 --> 00:57:13,382
Hi, Mrs. Capone.
959
00:57:13,448 --> 00:57:16,518
Could I borrow
a cup of bullets?
960
00:57:16,585 --> 00:57:18,520
We're a little low.
961
00:57:18,587 --> 00:57:20,422
Al will be pissed.
962
00:57:20,489 --> 00:57:23,458
Maybe Al's gonna
have to stay home tonight.
963
00:57:23,525 --> 00:57:25,027
Gee.
964
00:57:25,094 --> 00:57:27,829
You weren't
very nice to her.
965
00:57:27,896 --> 00:57:29,531
Oh, no?
966
00:57:29,598 --> 00:57:34,069
When's somebody
going to be nice
to Johnny Dangerously?
967
00:57:34,136 --> 00:57:37,506
Look. My own brother's
out to get me.
968
00:57:37,572 --> 00:57:40,509
That psycho Vermin's
out to get him.
The gang's getting antsy,
969
00:57:40,575 --> 00:57:44,446
and the Crime Commission
is breathing down my neck.
970
00:57:44,513 --> 00:57:48,050
I hope that's
for a small grownup.
971
00:57:48,117 --> 00:57:50,619
Nah. Just
wishful thinking.
972
00:57:50,685 --> 00:57:52,587
Ah, maybe someday, kid.
973
00:57:52,654 --> 00:57:54,556
When, Johnny?
974
00:57:54,623 --> 00:58:00,129
When are we going
to stop running
and start living?
975
00:58:00,195 --> 00:58:03,632
With Sally and Tommy
getting hitched
tomorrow,
976
00:58:03,698 --> 00:58:06,068
it got me thinking.
977
00:58:06,135 --> 00:58:09,038
I got an
old-fashioned streak.
978
00:58:09,104 --> 00:58:11,506
I want a normal life.
979
00:58:11,573 --> 00:58:15,044
Johnny Dangerously
can't live a normal life.
980
00:58:15,110 --> 00:58:17,512
It ain't in the cards.
981
00:58:17,579 --> 00:58:21,150
People like me,
we're like shooting stars.
982
00:58:21,216 --> 00:58:25,520
We cross the sky,
burning hot for one moment,
983
00:58:25,587 --> 00:58:29,124
and then we plunge
to Earth, disappear.
984
00:58:29,191 --> 00:58:32,894
Jesus Christ.
I'm starting to upset myself.
985
00:58:32,961 --> 00:58:36,565
Johnny, it doesn't
have to be that way.
986
00:58:36,631 --> 00:58:38,600
We can change.
987
00:58:38,667 --> 00:58:40,569
I don't know, Lil.
988
00:58:40,635 --> 00:58:42,504
Dare we dream?
989
00:58:43,638 --> 00:58:45,006
Yeah.
990
00:58:45,074 --> 00:58:47,008
Hanging curtains,
991
00:58:47,076 --> 00:58:49,044
ironing shirts.
992
00:58:49,111 --> 00:58:51,046
Yeah.
Car pools, PTA.
993
00:58:51,113 --> 00:58:53,014
Sharing
a casserole recipe.
994
00:58:53,082 --> 00:58:55,050
Putting up shelf paper.
995
00:58:55,117 --> 00:58:57,486
Johnny,
I love shelf paper.
996
00:58:57,552 --> 00:59:00,655
A little house,
white picket fence.
997
00:59:00,722 --> 00:59:03,492
Kids and dogs
in the yard.
998
00:59:03,558 --> 00:59:07,129
Saying hi to
a neighbor named Fred.
999
00:59:07,196 --> 00:59:11,233
Maybe there is a rainbow
for us out there.
1000
00:59:11,300 --> 00:59:14,236
Sure, me and Lil had dreams.
1001
00:59:14,303 --> 00:59:17,239
But when you're in crime, kid,
dreams don't always come true.
1002
00:59:24,146 --> 00:59:25,614
Follow him.
1003
00:59:33,822 --> 00:59:36,725
Park it
in this slot here.
1004
00:59:36,791 --> 00:59:38,560
It's for
the handicapped.
1005
00:59:38,627 --> 00:59:41,630
I am handicapped.
I'm psychotic.
1006
00:59:45,134 --> 00:59:48,337
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
1007
00:59:48,403 --> 00:59:50,805
You may kiss the bride.
1008
00:59:57,045 --> 00:59:59,981
You're like
a daughter to me.
1009
01:00:00,048 --> 01:00:02,884
I want to share
something with you.
1010
01:00:02,951 --> 01:00:04,519
What's that?
1011
01:00:04,586 --> 01:00:06,488
I go both ways.
1012
01:00:06,555 --> 01:00:08,423
Oh.
1013
01:00:16,398 --> 01:00:18,500
I'm glad we waited.
1014
01:00:18,567 --> 01:00:19,334
Yes.
1015
01:00:19,401 --> 01:00:21,503
I can't wait anymore.
1016
01:00:21,570 --> 01:00:22,937
Okay, where?
1017
01:00:23,004 --> 01:00:24,839
Some place real close.
1018
01:00:45,727 --> 01:00:49,731
Tommy's excited,
but does he know
about foreplay?
1019
01:00:49,798 --> 01:00:51,700
He'll figure it out.
1020
01:00:51,766 --> 01:00:55,737
When will you follow
your brother's example,
Johnny Kelly?
1021
01:00:55,804 --> 01:00:58,240
Brothers.
Ha ha ha!
1022
01:00:59,241 --> 01:01:01,643
I knew
there was something.
1023
01:01:03,545 --> 01:01:06,515
Oh, leave your face
right there.
1024
01:01:07,349 --> 01:01:09,117
How do you like that?
1025
01:01:09,184 --> 01:01:11,853
Johnny Dangerously
is Tommy Kelly's brother.
1026
01:01:11,920 --> 01:01:13,555
What?
1027
01:01:13,622 --> 01:01:16,525
Dangerously
is the D.A.'s brother.
1028
01:01:16,591 --> 01:01:18,893
Ha ha ha!
1029
01:01:24,065 --> 01:01:26,868
That's it?
You little shit!
1030
01:01:26,935 --> 01:01:30,472
* Say hello to Jesus *
1031
01:01:30,539 --> 01:01:35,043
* Take Mr. Jesus
by the hand **
1032
01:01:35,109 --> 01:01:38,380
Hallelujah!
1033
01:01:40,114 --> 01:01:43,218
We were waiting
in the car.
1034
01:01:43,285 --> 01:01:46,355
I wondered what happened
to my brother.
1035
01:01:46,421 --> 01:01:49,758
I'm Johnny Kelly's brother,
not Johnny Dangerously's.
1036
01:01:49,824 --> 01:01:54,463
Just a matter of time,
wasn't it, kid?
1037
01:01:54,529 --> 01:01:56,898
Listen.
Just don't tell Ma.
1038
01:01:56,965 --> 01:01:59,568
When I put you
behind bars,
1039
01:01:59,634 --> 01:02:04,339
your picture will be
in every newspaper
in this country!
1040
01:02:04,406 --> 01:02:06,575
Why, Johnny? Why?
1041
01:02:06,641 --> 01:02:12,080
Maybe it's because
that dealer in the sky
shuffles the cards...
1042
01:02:12,146 --> 01:02:15,484
and we just play
what we're dealt.
1043
01:02:15,550 --> 01:02:18,052
It's against the law
to gamble!
1044
01:02:18,119 --> 01:02:19,621
Christ.
1045
01:02:19,688 --> 01:02:22,056
I took an oath
to fight crime.
1046
01:02:22,123 --> 01:02:24,493
I can't go against
my brother.
1047
01:02:24,559 --> 01:02:26,895
We'll settle this
with our fists.
1048
01:02:26,961 --> 01:02:28,730
Whoa! Wait a minute!
1049
01:02:28,797 --> 01:02:32,133
You can't fight me.
I'm too good.
1050
01:02:32,200 --> 01:02:34,068
I'll take my chances.
1051
01:02:34,135 --> 01:02:35,704
Okay.
1052
01:02:35,770 --> 01:02:38,106
I win, you quit.
1053
01:02:38,172 --> 01:02:40,709
You win, I quit.
1054
01:02:40,775 --> 01:02:42,243
All right.
1055
01:02:50,485 --> 01:02:52,587
Johnny, take a dive.
1056
01:02:55,089 --> 01:02:56,525
Oh!
1057
01:03:00,562 --> 01:03:04,433
I didn't know
you packed such a wallop.
1058
01:03:04,499 --> 01:03:06,401
All right, Tom, you win.
1059
01:03:06,468 --> 01:03:08,503
I'm going legit.
1060
01:03:08,570 --> 01:03:11,406
Gee, thanks, Johnny.
1061
01:03:12,641 --> 01:03:13,908
Hey!
1062
01:03:13,975 --> 01:03:15,944
All right!
1063
01:03:21,583 --> 01:03:24,686
This time,
I really was going legit.
1064
01:03:24,753 --> 01:03:27,989
All I had to do
was make the gang understand.
1065
01:03:32,961 --> 01:03:34,996
Who did that?
1066
01:03:35,063 --> 01:03:38,066
Aw, sorry.
Did I get you?
1067
01:03:38,132 --> 01:03:40,034
You ruined the jacket.
1068
01:03:40,101 --> 01:03:42,471
Aw!
See?
1069
01:03:42,537 --> 01:03:44,606
When will we tell
the boys about Johnny?
1070
01:03:44,673 --> 01:03:49,744
As soon as he gets here.
I wanna see the look
on his face.
1071
01:03:55,717 --> 01:03:58,720
You're not doing
yourself any good.
1072
01:03:58,787 --> 01:04:03,758
And for you kids out there
who are thinking about smoking,
1073
01:04:03,825 --> 01:04:05,226
don't start.
1074
01:04:05,293 --> 01:04:07,662
And if you started, stop.
1075
01:04:07,729 --> 01:04:10,632
Smoking don't
make you look tough.
1076
01:04:10,699 --> 01:04:13,267
It makes you look stupid.
1077
01:04:13,334 --> 01:04:16,605
Put chewing gum
in your mouth instead.
1078
01:04:16,671 --> 01:04:18,707
That's what Johnny does.
1079
01:04:18,773 --> 01:04:24,713
Smoking is the worst thing
you can do to your body.
1080
01:04:24,779 --> 01:04:26,748
Huh uh ya!
1081
01:04:26,815 --> 01:04:28,282
See?
1082
01:04:28,349 --> 01:04:30,685
Hey, Johnny,
let's have it.
1083
01:04:30,752 --> 01:04:33,888
I'll be late
for target practice.
1084
01:04:33,955 --> 01:04:36,324
There's an opera
letting out.
1085
01:04:36,391 --> 01:04:37,792
All right.
1086
01:04:37,859 --> 01:04:40,462
- Johnny Dangerously's
going legit.
- Le what?
1087
01:04:40,529 --> 01:04:42,831
Legit.
Le why?
1088
01:04:42,897 --> 01:04:46,267
Because Johnny Dangerously
is Johnny Kelly,
1089
01:04:46,334 --> 01:04:48,470
D.A. Tommy Kelly's brother.
1090
01:04:53,475 --> 01:04:55,677
Johnny,
is this true?
1091
01:04:55,744 --> 01:04:58,547
I don't know
how to react.
1092
01:04:58,613 --> 01:05:02,216
Yeah, kid, it is true.
1093
01:05:02,283 --> 01:05:04,553
Tommy Kelly
is my brother.
1094
01:05:04,619 --> 01:05:06,621
I'm proud of him.
1095
01:05:06,688 --> 01:05:09,223
Sure. You worked
with him,
1096
01:05:09,290 --> 01:05:11,593
helping him
in his career.
1097
01:05:11,660 --> 01:05:14,195
Now that he's on top,
1098
01:05:14,262 --> 01:05:17,231
you're running out
on us.
1099
01:05:17,298 --> 01:05:20,168
You don't care
about crime.
1100
01:05:20,234 --> 01:05:21,603
That's right.
1101
01:05:21,670 --> 01:05:24,072
I don't care about crime?
1102
01:05:24,138 --> 01:05:28,677
I've been devoted
to crime since I was 12.
1103
01:05:28,743 --> 01:05:33,181
I think we ought to
enjoy what we got.
1104
01:05:33,247 --> 01:05:35,249
We got plenty.
1105
01:05:35,316 --> 01:05:38,086
I'm closing
this store for good.
1106
01:05:38,152 --> 01:05:41,623
Well, I'm reopening it
under new management.
1107
01:05:41,690 --> 01:05:43,658
Oh, no, you're not.
1108
01:05:43,725 --> 01:05:47,696
You don't have the keys,
and I do.
1109
01:05:47,762 --> 01:05:51,232
I'm giving them
to the crime commissioner.
1110
01:05:51,299 --> 01:05:53,668
And us with them, huh?
1111
01:05:53,735 --> 01:05:56,805
I knew it.
He's turning squealer.
1112
01:05:56,871 --> 01:05:58,707
You know,
1113
01:05:58,773 --> 01:06:01,810
I'm bored
with slapping you around.
1114
01:06:01,876 --> 01:06:04,145
Bores me.
1115
01:06:06,314 --> 01:06:08,249
Don't worry, fellas.
1116
01:06:08,316 --> 01:06:11,252
You guys are in the clear.
1117
01:06:11,319 --> 01:06:13,221
It's me they're after.
1118
01:06:17,826 --> 01:06:21,162
Dirty Jew,
shanty nigger,
white trash bastard!
1119
01:06:21,229 --> 01:06:25,166
Go ahead!
Walk all over
the little beggar!
1120
01:06:39,413 --> 01:06:41,315
Commissioner,
1121
01:06:41,382 --> 01:06:44,519
there's the evidence
against me, just like
I promised.
1122
01:06:44,586 --> 01:06:48,422
Use it.
I'm ready to pay my debt.
1123
01:06:48,489 --> 01:06:50,224
Hey,
1124
01:06:50,291 --> 01:06:52,326
how about a thank you?
1125
01:06:52,393 --> 01:06:55,997
Hey, how about me
getting out of here?
1126
01:06:56,064 --> 01:06:59,033
Hey, how about me
getting knocked out?
1127
01:07:11,580 --> 01:07:15,249
Hey, Johnny,
I'd love to stick around,
see how this turns out,
1128
01:07:15,316 --> 01:07:18,252
but I got
a store to open.
1129
01:07:27,596 --> 01:07:30,665
Ha ha ha!
1130
01:07:34,102 --> 01:07:37,171
You lousy Wop,
Slovak, Chink, Jap,
1131
01:07:37,238 --> 01:07:38,607
Polack, Kraut, fags!
1132
01:07:38,673 --> 01:07:41,009
Hiya, doll.
What's your name?
1133
01:07:41,075 --> 01:07:44,512
Mary Margaret
Katherine Danine.
1134
01:07:44,579 --> 01:07:46,414
How'd you like to
make some money?
1135
01:07:46,480 --> 01:07:48,750
One at a time
or together?
1136
01:07:48,817 --> 01:07:52,887
How much to clean 708
and forget you saw us?
1137
01:07:52,954 --> 01:07:55,289
$17,000.
1138
01:07:55,356 --> 01:07:58,059
All right,
17 grand it is.
1139
01:07:58,126 --> 01:08:01,562
Forget we ever
gave you this money.
1140
01:08:01,630 --> 01:08:03,564
What money?
1141
01:08:03,632 --> 01:08:05,700
That-a girl.
1142
01:08:08,670 --> 01:08:10,504
Johnny!
Johnny!
1143
01:08:10,571 --> 01:08:13,174
One at a time, boys.
1144
01:08:13,241 --> 01:08:15,076
Did you do it?
1145
01:08:15,143 --> 01:08:18,179
You know better
than to ask that.
1146
01:08:18,246 --> 01:08:20,081
Explain the gun.
1147
01:08:20,148 --> 01:08:23,685
I been framed
like the Mona Lisa.
1148
01:08:23,752 --> 01:08:26,621
Why were you seeing
the commissioner?
1149
01:08:26,688 --> 01:08:28,556
I was going legit.
1150
01:08:28,623 --> 01:08:29,658
Le what?
1151
01:08:29,724 --> 01:08:31,359
Legit.
As in legitimate.
1152
01:08:31,425 --> 01:08:32,627
Oh.
Oh.
1153
01:08:32,694 --> 01:08:34,763
How about a picture?
1154
01:08:34,829 --> 01:08:38,633
Sure.
It's the first picture
of Johnny Dangerously,
1155
01:08:38,700 --> 01:08:41,569
so make it a good one.
1156
01:08:41,636 --> 01:08:42,937
Great.
1157
01:08:43,004 --> 01:08:44,238
Thanks.
1158
01:08:44,305 --> 01:08:46,140
All right.
Thank you.
1159
01:08:50,745 --> 01:08:52,747
Empty your pockets,
Johnny.
1160
01:08:59,253 --> 01:09:00,388
Wait a minute.
1161
01:09:00,454 --> 01:09:03,291
I can't find
my cigarette case.
1162
01:09:03,357 --> 01:09:05,226
Maybe it's
in another suit.
1163
01:09:05,293 --> 01:09:07,261
I don't think...
1164
01:09:07,328 --> 01:09:09,664
Your car.
No.
1165
01:09:09,731 --> 01:09:12,300
Maybe it's on the sink.
1166
01:09:12,366 --> 01:09:15,103
No. It's my
good luck piece.
1167
01:09:15,169 --> 01:09:18,639
Whoever has it
bumped off the commissioner.
1168
01:09:19,607 --> 01:09:21,142
Excuse me.
1169
01:09:21,209 --> 01:09:24,746
Johnny, I brought
your bail money.
1170
01:09:24,813 --> 01:09:28,016
I hate to disappoint you.
1171
01:09:28,082 --> 01:09:30,384
Johnny's being held
without bail.
1172
01:09:30,451 --> 01:09:32,353
By whose orders?
1173
01:09:32,420 --> 01:09:34,422
The man who's prosecuting...
1174
01:09:34,488 --> 01:09:36,390
The D.A. himself.
1175
01:09:38,159 --> 01:09:41,662
This is what you
call going legit?
1176
01:09:41,730 --> 01:09:44,766
I swear,
I been set up.
1177
01:09:44,833 --> 01:09:48,703
Find the cigarette case,
you'll find the murderer.
1178
01:09:48,770 --> 01:09:50,972
There are a million
cigarette cases.
1179
01:09:51,039 --> 01:09:54,042
Only one has a bullet dent
and smells like gum.
1180
01:09:54,108 --> 01:09:56,077
Don't say anything
until you get a lawyer.
1181
01:09:56,144 --> 01:09:59,213
I can handle
my own brother.
1182
01:09:59,280 --> 01:10:01,249
You and he...
1183
01:10:01,315 --> 01:10:03,284
Me and him's brothers.
1184
01:10:03,351 --> 01:10:05,386
We were brothers.
1185
01:10:05,453 --> 01:10:06,654
Brothers!
1186
01:10:06,721 --> 01:10:08,656
Hey, wait, I'll go!
1187
01:10:08,723 --> 01:10:11,059
Get out of my way!
1188
01:10:12,426 --> 01:10:14,162
Yo!
1189
01:10:20,769 --> 01:10:22,636
Is that
the city edition?
1190
01:10:22,703 --> 01:10:24,138
What?
1191
01:10:24,205 --> 01:10:27,641
I said, is that
the city edition?
1192
01:10:27,708 --> 01:10:29,277
Oh, no.
1193
01:10:29,343 --> 01:10:31,279
Son of a bitch.
1194
01:10:31,345 --> 01:10:33,181
Now I'm deaf!
1195
01:10:41,722 --> 01:10:43,257
He's guilty.
1196
01:10:43,324 --> 01:10:44,658
He's guilty.
1197
01:10:44,725 --> 01:10:46,260
Guilty.
1198
01:10:46,327 --> 01:10:47,796
Aah!
1199
01:10:50,865 --> 01:10:52,466
Mrs. Kelly.
1200
01:10:52,533 --> 01:10:55,303
Get me
from me best side.
1201
01:10:55,369 --> 01:10:57,305
Got anything to say?
1202
01:10:57,371 --> 01:10:59,173
I got mixed feelings...
1203
01:10:59,240 --> 01:11:02,276
Thrilled for Tommy,
sad for Johnny.
1204
01:11:02,343 --> 01:11:03,677
Mr. Kelly.
1205
01:11:03,744 --> 01:11:05,213
No comment.
1206
01:11:05,279 --> 01:11:09,217
This is
the toughest thing
I've ever done.
1207
01:11:11,786 --> 01:11:13,754
Nice work, Mr. D.A.
1208
01:11:13,822 --> 01:11:16,190
My name is Danny Vermin.
1209
01:11:16,257 --> 01:11:19,227
I was associated
with your brother.
1210
01:11:19,293 --> 01:11:23,832
Thank you for sending him
to the hot seat.
1211
01:11:24,765 --> 01:11:26,167
Ha ha ha!
1212
01:11:26,234 --> 01:11:28,837
Watch.
Johnny taught me this.
1213
01:11:30,104 --> 01:11:31,205
Aah!
1214
01:11:31,272 --> 01:11:34,809
You shouldn't kick me
in the balls.
1215
01:11:34,876 --> 01:11:38,712
My sister kicked me
in the balls once.
1216
01:11:38,779 --> 01:11:41,115
Look, Mom.
1217
01:11:41,182 --> 01:11:42,951
It's Johnny's
cigarette case.
1218
01:11:43,017 --> 01:11:45,619
The one he was
talking about.
1219
01:11:45,686 --> 01:11:47,121
Give me that.
1220
01:11:47,188 --> 01:11:49,657
It's my brother's
cigarette case.
1221
01:11:49,723 --> 01:11:51,659
Johnny didn't do it.
1222
01:11:51,725 --> 01:11:53,694
I'll get you, Vermin,
1223
01:11:53,761 --> 01:11:56,397
if it's
the last thing I do.
1224
01:11:56,464 --> 01:12:00,168
It just might be, Mr. D.A.
1225
01:12:02,736 --> 01:12:04,738
Johnny ain't guilty,
1226
01:12:04,805 --> 01:12:08,576
and you sent him
to the big house.
1227
01:12:17,385 --> 01:12:19,988
Johnny, it's an honor
to have you on death row.
1228
01:12:20,054 --> 01:12:22,723
Don't be silly.
The pleasure's all mine.
1229
01:12:22,790 --> 01:12:26,694
Hi, Pop.
Still here, huh?
You bet.
1230
01:12:26,760 --> 01:12:29,097
Tough break.
John.
1231
01:12:29,163 --> 01:12:31,732
How the hell are you?
1232
01:12:31,799 --> 01:12:33,767
You're beautiful,
Johnny.
1233
01:12:33,834 --> 01:12:37,471
Why don't you
get the boys some quiche?
1234
01:12:37,538 --> 01:12:39,540
There you go.
1235
01:12:39,607 --> 01:12:42,576
Es spiritus sanctum.
1236
01:12:42,643 --> 01:12:47,148
Johnny,
this is one of our
best guards, Tony.
1237
01:12:47,215 --> 01:12:49,283
Hiya, Tony.
How are you?
1238
01:12:49,350 --> 01:12:52,887
You took a shot
at me once.
1239
01:12:52,954 --> 01:12:55,156
I never forget a gun.
1240
01:12:55,223 --> 01:12:58,526
Are we going to
do this or what?
1241
01:13:11,005 --> 01:13:13,007
There's nothing left. Look.
1242
01:13:13,074 --> 01:13:15,176
Finest metal.
1243
01:13:15,243 --> 01:13:20,048
I keep telling you, Howard,
the boy needs a role model.
1244
01:13:20,114 --> 01:13:22,150
Rocky, I'm so horny.
1245
01:13:22,216 --> 01:13:26,520
Oh, Johnny, Vermin's turning
the place into a dive.
1246
01:13:26,587 --> 01:13:28,122
And Johnny...
1247
01:13:28,189 --> 01:13:32,626
Don't tell me.
He put in a salad bar.
1248
01:13:32,693 --> 01:13:35,096
He's making
a play for me.
1249
01:13:35,163 --> 01:13:39,700
Wait a minute.
That's just what we want.
1250
01:13:39,767 --> 01:13:41,902
I got to prove
he framed me.
1251
01:13:41,970 --> 01:13:44,538
Lil, play up to him.
1252
01:13:44,605 --> 01:13:48,309
But, Johnny...
No "buts."
Keep your eyes and ears open.
1253
01:13:48,376 --> 01:13:51,512
The first thing you hear,
get it to me
on the grapevine.
1254
01:13:51,579 --> 01:13:54,315
Got it.
That-a girl.
1255
01:13:54,382 --> 01:13:56,317
Come here.
1256
01:14:01,990 --> 01:14:04,892
Next time,
I'll bring a can opener.
1257
01:14:04,959 --> 01:14:07,395
Good idea.
Come here.
1258
01:14:10,931 --> 01:14:13,101
Yo!
1259
01:14:22,010 --> 01:14:24,345
I can hear again
and I can see.
1260
01:14:24,412 --> 01:14:28,482
I can hear again
and I can see!
1261
01:14:28,549 --> 01:14:30,684
But who am I?
1262
01:14:37,825 --> 01:14:40,261
Tommy,
please eat something.
1263
01:14:40,328 --> 01:14:42,630
I not gonna eat until
I've saved my brother.
1264
01:14:42,696 --> 01:14:46,667
Keep up
the good work,
Governor Kelly.
1265
01:14:49,537 --> 01:14:51,672
So it's governor?
1266
01:14:51,739 --> 01:14:53,841
Just cheap talk, Mom.
1267
01:14:53,907 --> 01:14:57,611
Anybody that would
send his brother to
the hot seat gets my vote.
1268
01:14:57,678 --> 01:15:02,316
Mom! I'm trying to prove
Johnny's innocence.
1269
01:15:02,383 --> 01:15:05,319
If I leave
things to you,
1270
01:15:05,386 --> 01:15:08,222
Johnny will fry
like his father.
1271
01:15:08,289 --> 01:15:13,394
Your old mom just
might have something
for you tonight.
1272
01:15:24,172 --> 01:15:25,739
Who is it?
1273
01:15:25,806 --> 01:15:28,342
Open up.
It's Ma Kelly.
1274
01:15:28,409 --> 01:15:32,080
What do you want?
I gotta talk to you.
1275
01:15:32,146 --> 01:15:34,482
We have nothing to
say to each other.
1276
01:15:34,548 --> 01:15:38,286
We got a lot to say.
We got a lot in common.
1277
01:15:38,352 --> 01:15:40,221
We both scrub floors,
1278
01:15:40,288 --> 01:15:42,223
we're both swell lookers,
1279
01:15:42,290 --> 01:15:44,158
and we're not Chinese.
1280
01:15:44,225 --> 01:15:46,794
You been doing
your homework.
1281
01:15:46,860 --> 01:15:48,762
What do you want?
1282
01:15:48,829 --> 01:15:53,667
- How much do you want
to tell the truth?
- $19,500.
1283
01:15:56,937 --> 01:15:59,773
Boy, am I having
a good year!
1284
01:16:05,413 --> 01:16:07,248
What's the matter,
you got no manners?
1285
01:16:07,315 --> 01:16:11,252
Send me a bill for the door.
You don't even wait
for the body to get cold.
1286
01:16:11,319 --> 01:16:13,387
I go where
the action is.
1287
01:16:13,454 --> 01:16:16,023
Where's your mom?
You send her
up the river too?
1288
01:16:16,090 --> 01:16:18,259
What do you want,
Mr. D.A.?
1289
01:16:18,326 --> 01:16:21,295
And make it quick, huh?
1290
01:16:21,362 --> 01:16:23,931
I have a subpoena
for you.
1291
01:16:23,997 --> 01:16:27,835
What for? You ain't
got a thing on me.
1292
01:16:27,901 --> 01:16:32,840
Does the name
Mary Margaret Katherine Danine
strike a familiar chord?
1293
01:16:32,906 --> 01:16:34,942
I'm tone deaf.
1294
01:16:35,008 --> 01:16:37,311
Too bad.
She's singing
like a canary.
1295
01:16:37,378 --> 01:16:40,748
We got her
in her own cage.
1296
01:16:40,814 --> 01:16:43,784
I'm going to enjoy
sending you to the chair.
1297
01:16:43,851 --> 01:16:49,357
Come on, boys.
I don't like
the smell here.
1298
01:16:49,423 --> 01:16:52,893
That cleaning dame
will spill her guts.
1299
01:16:52,960 --> 01:16:55,329
We can't get to her.
1300
01:16:55,396 --> 01:16:58,466
But we can get to him.
1301
01:16:58,532 --> 01:16:59,933
How, boss?
1302
01:17:00,000 --> 01:17:02,370
Don't you listen
to the radio?
1303
01:17:02,436 --> 01:17:04,738
The governor
and D.A. Tommy Kelly...
1304
01:17:04,805 --> 01:17:08,742
will attend the premiere
of the new James Cagney movie
tomorrow night.
1305
01:17:08,809 --> 01:17:11,879
Should be clear skies
as the governor
and D.A. Tommy Kelly...
1306
01:17:11,945 --> 01:17:13,881
attend the new
James Cagney movie.
1307
01:17:13,947 --> 01:17:16,950
Which theater?
1308
01:17:17,017 --> 01:17:18,786
The Savoy, on 37th.
1309
01:17:18,852 --> 01:17:22,156
It will be like
shooting ducks in a pond.
1310
01:17:22,223 --> 01:17:24,492
Once we knock the D.A. off,
1311
01:17:24,558 --> 01:17:28,162
that cleaning dame
will clam up just fine.
1312
01:17:31,199 --> 01:17:33,334
Get this to Johnny
on the grapevine.
1313
01:17:33,401 --> 01:17:35,936
Vermin's going to kill
Johnny's brother...
1314
01:17:36,003 --> 01:17:38,005
at the Savoy Theater
tomorrow night.
1315
01:17:38,071 --> 01:17:40,308
Got it?
Got it.
1316
01:17:46,714 --> 01:17:49,950
Vermin's going to kill
Johnny's brother
at the Savoy Theater.
1317
01:17:50,017 --> 01:17:52,085
Pass it on.
1318
01:17:52,152 --> 01:17:55,088
Vermin's going to kill
Johnny's brother.
1319
01:17:55,155 --> 01:17:58,091
Vermin's going to kill
Johnny's mother.
1320
01:17:58,158 --> 01:18:01,595
Vermin's mother
is going to kill Johnny.
1321
01:18:04,565 --> 01:18:07,034
Urgent message
through the grapevine.
1322
01:18:07,100 --> 01:18:10,204
Yeah? What is it?
1323
01:18:10,271 --> 01:18:14,875
Johnny and the mothers
are playin' "Stompin"
at the Savoy in Vermont.
1324
01:18:14,942 --> 01:18:17,778
Vermin's going to kill
my brother at the Savoy?
1325
01:18:17,845 --> 01:18:19,780
I didn't say that.
1326
01:18:19,847 --> 01:18:21,815
I know this grapevine.
1327
01:18:21,882 --> 01:18:25,185
I got to get out of here.
1328
01:18:26,820 --> 01:18:28,155
Guard!
1329
01:18:28,222 --> 01:18:30,291
Come here.
1330
01:18:31,225 --> 01:18:32,660
Yeah?
1331
01:18:32,726 --> 01:18:35,929
Smell that food.
I think it's rotten.
1332
01:18:58,319 --> 01:19:00,821
What's all this
about, Johnny?
1333
01:19:00,888 --> 01:19:03,257
I can't take it, Warden!
1334
01:19:03,324 --> 01:19:06,294
Send me to
the chair tonight!
1335
01:19:06,360 --> 01:19:08,228
The waiting's
driving me crazy!
1336
01:19:08,296 --> 01:19:10,398
You still got two weeks.
1337
01:19:10,464 --> 01:19:13,233
I don't want them!
Fry me tonight!
1338
01:19:13,301 --> 01:19:15,836
Anything for you.
1339
01:19:15,903 --> 01:19:18,306
We'll bump Steinberg.
1340
01:19:18,372 --> 01:19:21,575
Dangerously will go
to the chair tonight.
1341
01:19:29,216 --> 01:19:32,085
Everyone who is anyone
is here tonight,
1342
01:19:32,152 --> 01:19:35,656
including Mr. Crimefighter,
District Attorney Tommy Kelly.
1343
01:19:35,723 --> 01:19:39,760
They're talking about you
as our next governor.
1344
01:19:39,827 --> 01:19:41,595
That's very nice,
1345
01:19:41,662 --> 01:19:44,231
but all I'm concerned about...
1346
01:19:44,298 --> 01:19:46,634
is proving
my brother's innocence.
1347
01:19:46,700 --> 01:19:50,871
Johnny, if you're
listening, I love you.
1348
01:20:00,848 --> 01:20:02,650
Your turn, Johnny.
1349
01:20:02,716 --> 01:20:05,786
The priest you requested
has arrived.
1350
01:20:05,853 --> 01:20:08,221
Are you ready, my son?
1351
01:20:08,288 --> 01:20:12,292
I'm ready
if you are, Father.
1352
01:20:17,665 --> 01:20:20,067
Dominus obiscum, Nabisco.
1353
01:20:20,133 --> 01:20:22,235
Espiritus sanctum.
1354
01:20:22,302 --> 01:20:25,272
They gustovus...
So long, Johnny.
1355
01:20:25,339 --> 01:20:26,840
Me gustovus,
you gustovus.
1356
01:20:26,907 --> 01:20:30,378
We miss the bus,
they miss the bus.
1357
01:20:30,444 --> 01:20:32,846
Be brave, Johnny.
1358
01:20:32,913 --> 01:20:34,715
When's the next bus?
1359
01:20:34,782 --> 01:20:37,351
Sum cum laude,
magnum cum laude,
1360
01:20:37,418 --> 01:20:39,887
the radio's still laude.
1361
01:20:39,953 --> 01:20:41,722
Good luck, Johnny.
1362
01:20:41,789 --> 01:20:44,157
Semper fidelus,
high fidelus.
1363
01:20:44,224 --> 01:20:47,127
Why didn't I take shop?
1364
01:20:47,194 --> 01:20:52,132
Post meridian,
antimeridian, Uncle Meridian,
all the little meridians.
1365
01:20:52,199 --> 01:20:54,668
Good-bye, Johnny.
Good-bye, Rock.
1366
01:20:54,735 --> 01:20:57,237
The Magna Carta,
Master Charga...
1367
01:20:57,304 --> 01:20:59,707
Spit in his eye,
Johnny.
1368
01:20:59,773 --> 01:21:03,110
Dumpro kelus,
lots of Vitalis.
You bet, Rabbi.
1369
01:21:05,679 --> 01:21:08,416
Do you have
any last words, Johnny?
1370
01:21:10,150 --> 01:21:12,853
Well said.
1371
01:21:19,159 --> 01:21:23,664
Okay, Warden.
This is where
we say good-bye.
1372
01:21:23,731 --> 01:21:28,168
You weren't really
going to kill me, were you?
1373
01:21:28,235 --> 01:21:30,103
What, with this?
1374
01:21:42,816 --> 01:21:44,418
Calling all cars.
1375
01:21:44,485 --> 01:21:48,055
Johnny Dangerously
has just escaped
from state prison.
1376
01:21:48,121 --> 01:21:52,493
Could I have a popcorn,
a Milk Duds,
and a white fish?
1377
01:22:10,944 --> 01:22:13,481
When we going to
give it to him?
1378
01:22:13,547 --> 01:22:15,983
Just when Cagney
gets his in the movie,
1379
01:22:16,049 --> 01:22:19,219
a few minutes from now.
1380
01:22:19,286 --> 01:22:21,455
Calling all cars.
Calling all cars.
1381
01:22:21,522 --> 01:22:23,657
Be on the lookout
for Johnny Dangerously...
1382
01:22:23,724 --> 01:22:25,626
and two accomplices
in a black sedan.
1383
01:22:25,693 --> 01:22:27,461
I repeat,
in a black sedan.
1384
01:22:27,528 --> 01:22:30,263
Black sedan, huh?
1385
01:22:30,330 --> 01:22:32,232
We'll see about that.
1386
01:22:32,299 --> 01:22:34,267
I hope this works.
1387
01:22:34,334 --> 01:22:36,670
It always does
at home.
1388
01:22:36,737 --> 01:22:38,839
Come on, shelf paper.
1389
01:22:43,544 --> 01:22:45,979
Step back
or they'll plug me.
1390
01:22:46,046 --> 01:22:48,215
Get out of
the way, boss.
No!
1391
01:23:12,673 --> 01:23:14,608
Calling all cars.
Calling all cars.
1392
01:23:14,675 --> 01:23:16,544
Johnny Dangerously
now driving a white sedan,
1393
01:23:16,610 --> 01:23:19,479
disguised
as a trout Fisherman.
1394
01:23:19,547 --> 01:23:21,815
Johnny,
we've been spotted.
1395
01:23:24,652 --> 01:23:27,120
Peel the next layer.
1396
01:23:29,823 --> 01:23:32,926
Someday that will be
in Johnny Junior's room.
1397
01:23:32,993 --> 01:23:35,128
Sure, sure.
1398
01:23:35,195 --> 01:23:38,465
There he goes.
Get him!
Don't let him get away.
1399
01:23:38,532 --> 01:23:41,134
He knows too much.
1400
01:23:42,836 --> 01:23:47,107
Calling all cars.
Be on the lookout for...
1401
01:23:47,174 --> 01:23:49,009
Now, listen to this.
1402
01:23:49,076 --> 01:23:51,111
Dangerously and accomplices,
dressed as nuns,
1403
01:23:51,178 --> 01:23:55,983
driving a sedan covered with...
oh, you'll love this...
duckies and bunnies.
1404
01:23:56,049 --> 01:23:59,052
Calling all cars,
calling all cars.
1405
01:23:59,119 --> 01:24:01,855
Come to Dooley's bar.
I'm buying.
1406
01:24:08,962 --> 01:24:11,665
There's something
you don't see every day.
1407
01:24:13,901 --> 01:24:16,403
Everybody stay
where you are.
1408
01:24:16,469 --> 01:24:18,538
Alan, keep down.
1409
01:24:27,948 --> 01:24:30,317
You might as well
come down, Pembroke.
1410
01:24:30,383 --> 01:24:33,286
There's no one left
but you.
1411
01:24:44,164 --> 01:24:45,866
Ah, shit.
1412
01:24:45,933 --> 01:24:47,300
Aah!
1413
01:24:52,472 --> 01:24:54,341
Johnny, are you okay?
1414
01:24:54,407 --> 01:24:56,443
Sure, kid.
1415
01:24:56,509 --> 01:24:58,779
You didn't get hit,
did you?
1416
01:24:58,846 --> 01:25:00,914
I don't think so.
1417
01:25:02,916 --> 01:25:05,619
Boy, does that
come in handy!
1418
01:25:05,686 --> 01:25:09,122
You would have taken
the bullet for me.
1419
01:25:09,189 --> 01:25:12,726
I was counting on
a lot of missing.
1420
01:25:12,793 --> 01:25:15,128
Johnny!
Oh!
1421
01:25:15,195 --> 01:25:20,000
We'll have to take you
back to the big house.
1422
01:25:20,067 --> 01:25:25,338
I have a witness
that will clear Johnny.
That's your man!
1423
01:25:25,405 --> 01:25:27,374
Officer,
release this man.
1424
01:25:27,440 --> 01:25:30,077
I'm granting him
a full pardon.
1425
01:25:30,143 --> 01:25:31,578
Oh, Johnny.
1426
01:25:31,645 --> 01:25:33,647
Hey, thanks, Gov.
1427
01:25:33,714 --> 01:25:36,616
You shouldn't
shoot me, Johnny.
1428
01:25:36,684 --> 01:25:39,086
My grandmother
shot me once.
1429
01:25:41,121 --> 01:25:44,491
Johnny, darling,
you must be exhausted.
1430
01:25:44,557 --> 01:25:46,526
Breaking out of prison,
1431
01:25:46,593 --> 01:25:49,730
racing here
to save your brother.
1432
01:25:49,797 --> 01:25:52,532
You've had a full day.
1433
01:25:52,599 --> 01:25:54,201
Funny, Ma,
I'm not even tired.
1434
01:25:54,267 --> 01:25:57,805
Must have been that nap
after lunch.
1435
01:25:57,871 --> 01:26:00,373
Oh, I'll have
some stories...
1436
01:26:00,440 --> 01:26:02,743
to tell my
grandchildren...
1437
01:26:02,810 --> 01:26:04,845
If I have any.
1438
01:26:04,912 --> 01:26:09,649
Lil, let's start
a little gang of our own.
1439
01:26:09,717 --> 01:26:11,184
That okay?
1440
01:26:11,251 --> 01:26:13,053
Oh, Johnny, I like it.
1441
01:26:13,120 --> 01:26:16,256
Kid, I'll make you
love it.
1442
01:26:22,362 --> 01:26:24,464
So that's my story.
1443
01:26:24,531 --> 01:26:26,599
I hope
you learned something.
1444
01:26:26,666 --> 01:26:28,435
I sure did.
1445
01:26:28,501 --> 01:26:30,437
Wow! The electric chair.
1446
01:26:30,503 --> 01:26:32,039
I'm going straight.
1447
01:26:32,105 --> 01:26:34,808
You better see that you do,
1448
01:26:34,875 --> 01:26:37,410
or I'm coming after you.
1449
01:26:37,477 --> 01:26:39,279
Get out of here.
1450
01:26:39,346 --> 01:26:43,516
Wait. Aren't you
forgetting something?
1451
01:26:47,855 --> 01:26:49,823
There you go.
1452
01:26:49,890 --> 01:26:51,925
Thanks, Mr. Kelly.
1453
01:26:54,061 --> 01:26:55,796
Hey, kid.
1454
01:26:55,863 --> 01:26:57,430
Don't forget.
1455
01:26:57,497 --> 01:26:59,299
Crime doesn't pay.
1456
01:26:59,366 --> 01:27:00,367
Right.
1457
01:27:05,072 --> 01:27:06,907
Johnny.
1458
01:27:13,881 --> 01:27:16,316
Well, it paid a little.
1459
01:27:23,824 --> 01:27:25,125
* We're all alone *
1460
01:27:25,192 --> 01:27:28,528
* No chaperone
can get our number *
1461
01:27:28,595 --> 01:27:30,764
* The world's in slumber *
1462
01:27:30,831 --> 01:27:33,166
* Let's misbehave *
1463
01:27:33,233 --> 01:27:35,803
* There's something wild
about you, child *
1464
01:27:35,869 --> 01:27:38,005
* That's so contagious *
1465
01:27:38,071 --> 01:27:39,773
* Let's be outrageous *
1466
01:27:39,840 --> 01:27:42,175
* Let's misbehave *
1467
01:27:42,242 --> 01:27:44,044
* When Adam won eve's hand *
1468
01:27:44,111 --> 01:27:47,080
* He wouldn't stand
for teasin' *
1469
01:27:47,147 --> 01:27:48,681
* He didn't care about *
1470
01:27:48,748 --> 01:27:51,852
* Those apples out of season *
1471
01:27:51,919 --> 01:27:53,887
* They say the spring
means just one thing *
1472
01:27:53,954 --> 01:27:55,755
* To little lovebirds *
1473
01:27:55,823 --> 01:27:58,591
* We're not above birds *
1474
01:27:58,658 --> 01:28:00,961
* Let's misbehave *
1475
01:28:01,028 --> 01:28:03,030
* It's getting late,
and while I wait *
1476
01:28:03,096 --> 01:28:05,532
* My poor heart aches on *
1477
01:28:05,598 --> 01:28:07,801
* Why keep the brakes on *
1478
01:28:07,868 --> 01:28:10,170
* Let's misbehave *
1479
01:28:10,237 --> 01:28:12,605
* I feel quite sure
a good amour *
1480
01:28:12,672 --> 01:28:15,042
* Would be attractive *
1481
01:28:15,108 --> 01:28:17,544
* While we're still active *
1482
01:28:17,610 --> 01:28:19,947
* Let's misbehave *
1483
01:28:20,013 --> 01:28:21,781
* You know my heart is true *
1484
01:28:21,849 --> 01:28:24,584
* When you say
you for me care *
1485
01:28:24,651 --> 01:28:26,186
* Somebody's sure to tell *
1486
01:28:26,253 --> 01:28:29,222
* But what the heck
do we care *
1487
01:28:29,289 --> 01:28:31,524
* They say that bears
have love affairs *
1488
01:28:31,591 --> 01:28:33,861
* And even camels *
1489
01:28:33,927 --> 01:28:36,129
* We're merely mammals *
1490
01:28:36,196 --> 01:28:38,598
* Let's misbehave *
1491
01:28:38,665 --> 01:28:40,300
* If you'd be oh, so sweet *
1492
01:28:40,367 --> 01:28:43,303
* And only heed
your fate, dear *
1493
01:28:43,370 --> 01:28:47,975
* Would be the great event
of 1928, dear *
1494
01:28:48,041 --> 01:28:50,177
* They say the spring
means just one thing *
1495
01:28:50,243 --> 01:28:52,712
* To little lovebirds *
1496
01:28:52,779 --> 01:28:54,915
* We're not above birds *
1497
01:28:54,982 --> 01:28:59,152
* Let's misbehave **
1498
01:29:00,305 --> 01:29:06,605
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