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1
00:00:00,220 --> 00:00:02,607
Joy. Joy.
2
00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:05,460
More joy.
3
00:00:05,470 --> 00:00:07,778
All the joy.
4
00:00:07,779 --> 00:00:09,559
Okay, Dave, we're supposed
to be throwing out
5
00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:11,279
whatever doesn't spark joy.
6
00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:13,617
Do you really need your old BlackBerry?
7
00:00:13,618 --> 00:00:15,519
Oh, my God. Yes!
8
00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:17,580
This is the first thing I texted you on.
9
00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:19,874
It reminds me of you.
10
00:00:19,875 --> 00:00:21,699
Oh, that's so sweet.
11
00:00:21,700 --> 00:00:24,169
But shouldn't I remind you of me?
12
00:00:24,170 --> 00:00:26,839
- Honestly, you remind me of the phone.
- Oh.
13
00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:29,079
All right, fine.
14
00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:31,465
Keep it, but everything else must go.
15
00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:34,059
It's just so hard to get rid
of this stuff, you know?
16
00:00:34,060 --> 00:00:38,809
I mean, look at these tiny Jordans.
17
00:00:38,810 --> 00:00:40,603
These were Asher's first shoes.
18
00:00:40,604 --> 00:00:41,679
Yeah, I know.
19
00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:45,316
But he never wore them because
newborns can't walk or dunk.
20
00:00:45,317 --> 00:00:46,567
He will one day.
21
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:49,569
Ooh!
22
00:00:49,570 --> 00:00:52,239
- I got fouled.
- Mm.
23
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:55,504
I am serious, we are
finally out of the fog
24
00:00:55,505 --> 00:00:56,989
of having tiny kids.
25
00:00:56,990 --> 00:01:01,059
No more strollers, no more Baby
Bjorns, no more pacifiers.
26
00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:03,125
We are getting our life and home back.
27
00:01:03,126 --> 00:01:06,839
I mean, every closet in this
house is totally empty!
28
00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:08,464
Is it weird that makes me horny?
29
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:12,839
I support however we get there.
30
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,719
Dude, there is so much free
stuff by your driveway.
31
00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:16,729
You gotta check it out.
32
00:01:16,730 --> 00:01:18,379
I just got this dope doggie bjorn
33
00:01:18,380 --> 00:01:21,060
and a sack full of dog pacifiers.
34
00:01:22,420 --> 00:01:24,479
Joanna, that's our stuff.
We're getting rid of it.
35
00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:26,773
Did he have this much crap growing up?
36
00:01:26,774 --> 00:01:28,559
No, he had way more.
37
00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:30,559
Our parents gave him
everything he ever wanted.
38
00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:34,779
Dave had the biggest Beanie
Baby collection in Connecticut.
39
00:01:34,780 --> 00:01:36,576
I was on the news.
40
00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:39,939
Look, he's just always
been the favorite,
41
00:01:39,940 --> 00:01:41,329
and I've made peace with it.
42
00:01:41,330 --> 00:01:43,040
That is so not true.
43
00:01:43,041 --> 00:01:46,084
Hi, number one son.
44
00:01:46,085 --> 00:01:47,309
Mwah, mwah, mwah.
45
00:01:47,310 --> 00:01:48,400
Hi, ladies.
46
00:01:48,410 --> 00:01:49,560
I'm sorry that we're late,
47
00:01:49,570 --> 00:01:52,216
but we stopped by an estate
sale in your driveway.
48
00:01:53,301 --> 00:01:56,449
I got tons of deep V-necks.
49
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,346
I'll make it work.
50
00:01:58,347 --> 00:01:59,899
Okay, everyone please stop
51
00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:01,839
bringing our trash back in our house.
52
00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:04,559
Yeah. It is extremely important to me
53
00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:07,309
that all of the closets stay empty.
54
00:02:07,310 --> 00:02:10,979
We brought you your
favorite bottle of wine.
55
00:02:10,980 --> 00:02:11,980
- Aw.
- Oh, no.
56
00:02:11,981 --> 00:02:14,989
Who died? Is it a cousin
I know or I don't know?
57
00:02:14,990 --> 00:02:17,979
Don't know. Was your cousin Avi.
58
00:02:17,980 --> 00:02:19,659
But that's not the news.
59
00:02:19,660 --> 00:02:21,412
We're dead broke.
60
00:02:22,370 --> 00:02:26,160
Oh, she's exaggerating, but
yes, we are drowning in debt.
61
00:02:26,170 --> 00:02:27,649
What?
62
00:02:27,650 --> 00:02:29,002
How is that possible?
63
00:02:29,003 --> 00:02:30,739
I mean, I had Kris Kross
64
00:02:30,740 --> 00:02:33,039
and David Cross at my Bar Mitzvah.
65
00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,759
Wait, didn't you just
get back from Cabo?
66
00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:36,769
Yeah, we did.
67
00:02:36,770 --> 00:02:38,879
The Adilmans let us use their time share
68
00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:41,680
in exchange for us teaching
them how to use the tweeter.
69
00:02:41,682 --> 00:02:44,392
Can we just focus on what's important?
70
00:02:44,393 --> 00:02:47,437
How are you out of money?
71
00:02:47,438 --> 00:02:49,609
Ah, well, uh, we didn't
have health insurance,
72
00:02:49,610 --> 00:02:51,679
and your mom's knee
surgery a few months back
73
00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:53,068
was not cheap.
74
00:02:53,069 --> 00:02:55,819
My "As Seen on TV"
business has been down
75
00:02:55,820 --> 00:02:57,379
ever since I lost the slanket account.
76
00:02:57,380 --> 00:03:00,409
And sadly, edible coasters
don't sell themselves.
77
00:03:01,828 --> 00:03:04,639
Mm, so you decided the
place to save money
78
00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:07,039
was cutting health care in your 60s?
79
00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:08,251
60.
80
00:03:10,730 --> 00:03:14,923
Look, I know it sounds crazy,
but insurance is very expensive,
81
00:03:14,924 --> 00:03:16,969
and we take excellent care of ourselves.
82
00:03:16,970 --> 00:03:18,969
Daddy just stopped eating red meat.
83
00:03:18,970 --> 00:03:21,429
I'm mostly eating coasters now.
84
00:03:21,430 --> 00:03:24,969
And I spin twice a
week with Susan Pyser,
85
00:03:24,970 --> 00:03:28,479
but I guess it was too much
because I tore my ACL.
86
00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:29,599
I overspun.
87
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:30,980
- You overspun.
- I overspun.
88
00:03:30,990 --> 00:03:32,679
- She overspun.
- Who knew?
89
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:33,990
Me! Hi!
90
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,760
I told you, like, all the time!
91
00:03:35,770 --> 00:03:38,149
Is this how ghosts feel?
92
00:03:38,150 --> 00:03:40,240
This is, uh... This is a lot.
93
00:03:40,241 --> 00:03:41,559
I know. So stressful.
94
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:42,993
That's why we went to Cabo.
95
00:03:42,994 --> 00:03:44,739
What a time.
96
00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:51,126
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
97
00:03:51,127 --> 00:03:53,619
I can't believe all this
time you've had no money.
98
00:03:53,620 --> 00:03:55,259
Yeah, you should have
just told us the truth.
99
00:03:55,260 --> 00:03:57,219
Ah. Remember how you lied to us
100
00:03:57,220 --> 00:03:59,093
about being gay for so long?
101
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:02,379
You mean when I was in the closet?
102
00:04:02,380 --> 00:04:03,419
Yes.
103
00:04:03,420 --> 00:04:05,307
Now, why didn't you just tell us?
104
00:04:05,308 --> 00:04:09,809
Because I was uncomfortable
and scared and confused.
105
00:04:09,810 --> 00:04:11,299
Exactly. Like us.
106
00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:15,276
And so now we're coming out as broke.
107
00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:19,405
We're here, we're broke, get used to it.
108
00:04:20,907 --> 00:04:24,159
This is not the same situation!
109
00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:25,479
E-Everything's gonna be fine.
110
00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,799
We're gonna downsize and sell
the house before we lose it.
111
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,219
Yeah, we're hoping Davey'll
renovate our house
112
00:04:30,220 --> 00:04:32,139
as beautifully as he did yours
113
00:04:32,140 --> 00:04:33,939
and then we can sell it for double.
114
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,739
You're insanely talented.
115
00:04:35,740 --> 00:04:38,279
Everyone's talking about it.
116
00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:40,219
But why spend the time and the money?
117
00:04:40,220 --> 00:04:41,479
I mean, sell the house.
118
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,095
Cash out. It's already paid off.
119
00:04:43,096 --> 00:04:44,305
Was paid off.
120
00:04:45,460 --> 00:04:48,059
- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.
121
00:04:48,060 --> 00:04:49,659
A few years ago, we pulled out equity
122
00:04:49,660 --> 00:04:50,900
to pay for that trip to Africa.
123
00:04:52,313 --> 00:04:55,059
- Beautiful continent.
- Mm.
124
00:04:55,060 --> 00:04:56,629
It's where it all began.
125
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:59,612
Humanity and our financial woes.
126
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:03,569
Yeah, shopping wasn't
what I expected it to be.
127
00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:05,739
We bought a few things...
128
00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:09,746
I mean, some jewelry...
just a few choice pieces.
129
00:05:09,747 --> 00:05:12,730
I got a spear. It might be haunted.
130
00:05:13,910 --> 00:05:16,399
Okay, well, you're gonna
131
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,299
have to upgrade the
house to make a profit.
132
00:05:18,300 --> 00:05:20,499
So I will talk to my crew
about renovating it quickly.
133
00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,039
Oh, that's amazing.
134
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:23,859
And while you're doing the reno,
135
00:05:23,860 --> 00:05:25,763
we'll stay at an Air-BLT.
136
00:05:26,806 --> 00:05:28,765
It's an Airbnb.
137
00:05:28,766 --> 00:05:30,308
Oh, what'd I say?
138
00:05:30,309 --> 00:05:33,539
The wrong thing. You always
say the wrong thing.
139
00:05:33,540 --> 00:05:36,460
No, you're not staying at an Airbnb.
140
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:39,620
You guys can stay here
as long as you need.
141
00:05:40,850 --> 00:05:43,599
Obviously they cannot stay
here as long as they need.
142
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,579
Obviously, but, um, you just said
the opposite of that to them.
143
00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:48,999
Yeah, because one of us
has to offer to be nice
144
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,459
so one of them can say
"No, no, that's okay,"
145
00:05:51,460 --> 00:05:53,219
and then one of us can
say "Are you sure?"
146
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,660
And then they can say "Of course."
147
00:05:54,667 --> 00:05:56,585
But they didn't say
"No, no, that's okay."
148
00:05:56,586 --> 00:05:57,899
I can't believe it.
149
00:05:57,900 --> 00:05:59,962
Who doesn't say "No, no, that's okay"?
150
00:05:59,963 --> 00:06:01,579
- My parents.
- That is not okay.
151
00:06:01,580 --> 00:06:03,799
I know it's not okay.
152
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:06,678
Look, having them in our
space, it's not a dream.
153
00:06:06,679 --> 00:06:08,229
Actually, I think this is literally
154
00:06:08,230 --> 00:06:09,719
what your mom dreams of.
155
00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:11,399
Well, think of it this way.
156
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,478
Maybe having them live here will
give us some of our life back.
157
00:06:14,479 --> 00:06:17,160
You know, they are built-in babysitters.
158
00:06:17,170 --> 00:06:19,983
Yeah, the last time they
babysat was not ideal.
159
00:06:19,984 --> 00:06:22,149
Some children like coffee.
160
00:06:22,150 --> 00:06:23,779
And that was six months ago.
161
00:06:23,780 --> 00:06:25,780
Yeah, Hazel's eye is still
doing that weird thing.
162
00:06:25,781 --> 00:06:27,519
But she's more focused than ever.
163
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:30,079
And those free babysitters
are making it possible
164
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:33,029
for you and I to go see Drake
at the Garden Friday night.
165
00:06:33,030 --> 00:06:34,540
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
166
00:06:34,550 --> 00:06:37,959
Ah, it'd be so nice to see a
concert that's not on ice.
167
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:39,210
I'm in.
168
00:06:40,820 --> 00:06:44,340
So, uh, now that we're all alone,
169
00:06:44,350 --> 00:06:46,134
what do you say we...
170
00:06:46,135 --> 00:06:48,637
- With my parents in the house?
- Mm-mm.
171
00:06:51,265 --> 00:06:55,477
- You wanna watch "Handmaid's Tale"?
- Ooh, baby.
172
00:06:55,478 --> 00:06:56,689
- Oh!
- Ah!
173
00:06:56,690 --> 00:06:58,219
Right off the bat they hit you with it!
174
00:06:58,220 --> 00:06:59,759
I know this show gives us nightmares,
175
00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:02,809
but I just can't wait to
see what happens next.
176
00:07:02,810 --> 00:07:04,319
Knock knock!
177
00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:07,199
Oy, she jumps off the
bridge in this episode.
178
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,699
Well, no need to watch this now or ever.
179
00:07:09,700 --> 00:07:12,619
Hey, which backpack
has the real soda in it?
180
00:07:12,620 --> 00:07:14,914
Dad, that is my emergency disaster kit.
181
00:07:14,915 --> 00:07:18,879
Oh, boy, I was wondering
why the Clif Bars
182
00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:21,419
were stored with the flashlights.
183
00:07:21,420 --> 00:07:23,797
- Can I help you guys with something?
- Oh, yeah.
184
00:07:23,798 --> 00:07:26,519
We figured out a way
to pay down our bills,
185
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:28,599
and we don't even have
to sell the house, either.
186
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,659
We're gonna start a Facebook fundraiser.
187
00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:32,929
Like everyone else on the Internets.
188
00:07:32,930 --> 00:07:34,909
Not everyone. Just the
people with actual issues.
189
00:07:34,910 --> 00:07:35,919
Yeah, I love you guys,
190
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,604
but you're just two
irresponsible baby boomers.
191
00:07:38,605 --> 00:07:41,399
Ouch. But this is gonna work.
192
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,019
We saw this one girl from Miami
193
00:07:43,020 --> 00:07:44,359
who raised $80,000
194
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:45,539
just because she was colorblind
195
00:07:45,540 --> 00:07:47,560
and needed special glasses to see blue.
196
00:07:47,570 --> 00:07:49,389
We donated $500.
197
00:07:49,390 --> 00:07:53,109
Dad, you gotta keep your money!
198
00:07:53,110 --> 00:07:56,219
Now, please, we'd like to get
back to our tragic horror show
199
00:07:56,220 --> 00:07:57,789
that puts us in a weird
place before bed.
200
00:07:57,790 --> 00:07:59,109
Sure, sure.
201
00:07:59,110 --> 00:08:01,501
Just don't get too
attached to that couple.
202
00:08:01,502 --> 00:08:03,619
In two episodes, they drown.
203
00:08:03,620 --> 00:08:05,300
- Debbie!
- Mom!
204
00:08:08,740 --> 00:08:11,599
This is so weird. I haven't
been in your parents' basement
205
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:13,471
since high school.
206
00:08:13,472 --> 00:08:16,224
And it still smells like Beanie Babies.
207
00:08:16,225 --> 00:08:18,435
How cool was it that I was on the news?
208
00:08:18,436 --> 00:08:21,396
It was a great day for both of us.
209
00:08:21,397 --> 00:08:24,357
I can't believe my parents
are in this situation.
210
00:08:24,358 --> 00:08:27,179
Seriously. Deb and Stew
were always so loaded.
211
00:08:27,180 --> 00:08:30,362
After college, they gave me 10
grand for my independent film.
212
00:08:30,363 --> 00:08:32,533
- I never saw that.
- I never made it.
213
00:08:33,220 --> 00:08:36,030
Don't do any reno'ing without me.
214
00:08:36,036 --> 00:08:39,369
- Hi, doll.
- Hey, Deb-Deb!
215
00:08:39,370 --> 00:08:41,300
Wow! Look at the two of you.
216
00:08:41,310 --> 00:08:43,359
You're like handsomer Property Brothers
217
00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,040
from a different Property Mother.
218
00:08:46,290 --> 00:08:47,399
Let's just go upstairs and I'll show you
219
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:48,465
my plans for the bathroom.
220
00:08:48,466 --> 00:08:49,924
Ooh, I got it! I got it!
221
00:08:49,925 --> 00:08:54,220
How married are you to
facing-forward toilets?
222
00:08:54,221 --> 00:08:55,889
Very married.
223
00:08:55,890 --> 00:08:57,183
Yeah.
224
00:08:59,340 --> 00:09:01,469
- Mom?
- Hm?
225
00:09:01,470 --> 00:09:02,729
You okay?
226
00:09:02,730 --> 00:09:05,139
I-I think I've been so concerned
227
00:09:05,140 --> 00:09:07,640
about selling the house I
really didn't stop to think
228
00:09:07,650 --> 00:09:11,279
what it would feel like
to actually leave it.
229
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:14,359
I know, but it's the only way
230
00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:16,701
- we're gonna get you out of this mess.
- Mm.
231
00:09:16,702 --> 00:09:18,786
Oh, God, look at this.
232
00:09:18,787 --> 00:09:21,519
Remember how obsessed
you were with these?
233
00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:22,629
Oh!
234
00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:24,043
Yeah.
235
00:09:25,377 --> 00:09:27,378
You convinced me I was
gonna win a gold medal.
236
00:09:27,379 --> 00:09:29,619
Ah, you made uncoordinated look fun.
237
00:09:29,620 --> 00:09:31,249
Everyone was talking about it.
238
00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:33,659
No, they weren't.
239
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:35,839
I was just a dumb kid with frosted tips
240
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,249
who got his heart broken
by a girl named Kate
241
00:09:38,250 --> 00:09:39,979
who spelled her name with the letter K
242
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,350
and the number eight.
243
00:09:41,352 --> 00:09:42,549
Mm.
244
00:09:42,550 --> 00:09:45,299
That was the saddest you'd
been since you found out
245
00:09:45,300 --> 00:09:48,220
Santa was not for our people.
246
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:52,780
And that wound is ripped
open every December.
247
00:09:55,130 --> 00:09:56,549
But you cheered me up, remember,
248
00:09:56,550 --> 00:09:58,740
when you threw that surprise
slumber party down here for me?
249
00:09:58,750 --> 00:10:00,370
Yeah, that was fun.
250
00:10:00,371 --> 00:10:02,759
Till you got drunk on Daddy's Zimas.
251
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:03,870
Oh, yeah.
252
00:10:03,874 --> 00:10:05,041
I got shlammered.
253
00:10:05,042 --> 00:10:06,252
Ohh.
254
00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:10,999
I mean, I spent my whole
childhood in this room.
255
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,590
Well, maybe the Facebook
fundraiser could work.
256
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:15,949
I mean, why don't we try it?
257
00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:19,319
If it doesn't, we can always
go back to this plan.
258
00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:20,975
What do you say?
259
00:10:23,477 --> 00:10:27,519
I say sure. Why don't we give it a shot.
260
00:10:29,980 --> 00:10:33,319
Hey, why do you have a vase
full of dirt on your mantle?
261
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:37,279
That is my Great Aunt Rita's ashes.
262
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:39,609
Okay, shot in the dark.
263
00:10:39,610 --> 00:10:41,059
Is there a slight chance
264
00:10:41,060 --> 00:10:43,413
she wanted them scattered
on your carpet?
265
00:10:48,830 --> 00:10:50,679
Hi, everybody on the Internets.
266
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:51,689
I'm Debbie.
267
00:10:51,690 --> 00:10:53,619
And I'm Stew, and we're so honored
268
00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:56,059
to be a part of the
fundraising community.
269
00:10:56,060 --> 00:10:59,119
Very excited for that Miami
girl who can see blue now!
270
00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:01,329
- You're welcome!
- It's the best color.
271
00:11:01,330 --> 00:11:04,340
But we're here to talk to you
about our medical bills.
272
00:11:04,350 --> 00:11:06,649
See, Deb hurt her knee
and needed surgery.
273
00:11:06,650 --> 00:11:08,919
Show 'em how it bends funny.
274
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,879
- Ow!
- Do you believe that?
275
00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:13,019
And we run the risk of losing our house
276
00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:16,079
unless you, our online
family, help us out.
277
00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,879
Fortunately, we're living
with our son right now.
278
00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:20,110
He's a good egg.
279
00:11:20,111 --> 00:11:22,419
The best egg. A dinosaur egg.
280
00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:24,299
- Everyone's talking about it.
- They are, they are.
281
00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:28,259
Personally, I think it's because
I breastfed him for two years.
282
00:11:28,260 --> 00:11:30,339
Sidebar... breastfeeding?
283
00:11:30,340 --> 00:11:32,089
- Better than sex.
- All right, Deb. Hey, honey...
284
00:11:32,090 --> 00:11:33,260
- What?
- ... said it before,
285
00:11:33,270 --> 00:11:35,529
it's very upsetting
information and hurtful.
286
00:11:35,530 --> 00:11:37,759
Sweetie, you're my hunka-hunka.
287
00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:39,229
- Mwah.
- Mwah!
288
00:11:39,230 --> 00:11:41,699
- I think this is going very well.
- Oh, me too.
289
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:44,680
We're gonna make that colorblind
girl look like a total amateur.
290
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:53,484
Are you guys really going
to see Drake tonight?
291
00:11:53,485 --> 00:11:55,985
Yeah. And Mom and Dad
are actually helping.
292
00:11:55,986 --> 00:11:58,155
Don't tell me they're babysitting.
293
00:11:58,156 --> 00:12:02,860
Why... Just, like, w-w-why
wouldn't I tell you that?
294
00:12:03,780 --> 00:12:06,746
Because they were bad
at babysitting us, Dave.
295
00:12:06,747 --> 00:12:07,879
Oh, come on.
296
00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:09,789
- They were great!
- Were they?
297
00:12:09,790 --> 00:12:13,375
I have two therapists, four
girlfriends, and nine dogs.
298
00:12:13,376 --> 00:12:15,719
Yeah, but that's you.
You're clearly slightly difficult.
299
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:19,592
I was always a very easy child
and very well taken care of.
300
00:12:19,593 --> 00:12:20,859
You had 10 pairs of Rollerblades
301
00:12:20,860 --> 00:12:22,589
- and how many helmets?
- It was a different time.
302
00:12:22,590 --> 00:12:23,847
Before head injuries?
303
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,969
Maybe they played it fast and
loose with the supervision,
304
00:12:26,970 --> 00:12:28,519
but they're grandparents now.
305
00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:29,894
They're gonna be fine.
306
00:12:29,895 --> 00:12:31,259
- Whoa!
- Yeah!
307
00:12:31,260 --> 00:12:32,269
Whoo!
308
00:12:32,270 --> 00:12:34,079
Okay, Asher, Asher. Your turn.
309
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,379
Oh! Fun!
310
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:36,943
What is up, family?
311
00:12:36,944 --> 00:12:38,736
- Oh! God!
- Asher!
312
00:12:38,737 --> 00:12:41,739
Oh, sweet, sweet boy. I love you.
313
00:12:41,740 --> 00:12:42,950
There's no candy in me.
314
00:12:44,576 --> 00:12:46,577
Why are we hosting a quincea�era?
315
00:12:46,578 --> 00:12:48,729
I said your dad could buy
the kids some candy.
316
00:12:48,730 --> 00:12:50,456
He came home with two pi�atas.
317
00:12:50,457 --> 00:12:52,583
Couple dozen Tootsie
Rolls never hurt anyone.
318
00:12:52,584 --> 00:12:54,019
Yes, they did. They hurt me, Dad.
319
00:12:54,020 --> 00:12:55,629
I only have four real teeth.
320
00:12:55,630 --> 00:12:57,673
- My gums bleed when I sing.
- Aw.
321
00:12:57,674 --> 00:12:59,209
Ta-da!
322
00:12:59,210 --> 00:13:00,249
Oh, my God!
323
00:13:00,250 --> 00:13:02,176
I let her do her own makeup.
324
00:13:02,177 --> 00:13:04,011
Doesn't she look beautiful?
325
00:13:04,012 --> 00:13:07,807
She looks like someone left
a rainbow in a hot car.
326
00:13:07,808 --> 00:13:09,409
I'm a princess!
327
00:13:09,410 --> 00:13:11,699
Mm-hmm. Remember,
you can also be a doctor
328
00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:14,119
or an astronaut or...
329
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:15,219
eh, forget it.
330
00:13:15,220 --> 00:13:17,109
It's been a day.
331
00:13:20,112 --> 00:13:21,946
I'm guessing that went horribly?
332
00:13:21,947 --> 00:13:23,859
Yeah. Pretty much.
333
00:13:23,860 --> 00:13:25,533
On top of the chaos out there,
334
00:13:25,534 --> 00:13:28,129
Hazel freaked out because
she lost her Elsa heel.
335
00:13:28,130 --> 00:13:29,869
Why does Elsa even have a heel?
336
00:13:29,870 --> 00:13:31,840
Girlfriend lives on ice!
337
00:13:31,850 --> 00:13:33,625
That's a bad example for girls.
338
00:13:37,629 --> 00:13:39,172
Do you want a glass?
339
00:13:39,173 --> 00:13:40,779
No. Because they're all over the house
340
00:13:40,780 --> 00:13:42,830
covered in your mom's lipstick.
341
00:13:44,386 --> 00:13:46,049
You know, maybe we shouldn't go tonight.
342
00:13:46,050 --> 00:13:47,806
We really don't have to
if you don't want to.
343
00:13:47,807 --> 00:13:48,849
Are you kidding?
344
00:13:48,850 --> 00:13:50,509
Your parents are insane
345
00:13:50,510 --> 00:13:51,699
and the house looks like
346
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:54,021
someone burglarized the
set of "Double Dare."
347
00:13:54,890 --> 00:13:56,600
We are going to that concert.
348
00:13:57,250 --> 00:13:58,349
Okay. Great.
349
00:13:58,350 --> 00:14:00,559
Great! You get me another
bottle of sauvy-b
350
00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:02,180
and I'll go put on my good bra.
351
00:14:03,740 --> 00:14:06,039
Good bra, huh?
352
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:08,339
So you're saying there's a chance!
353
00:14:11,910 --> 00:14:13,079
Pardon me, bitches.
354
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,659
I need this more than you. I'm a mom.
355
00:14:15,660 --> 00:14:16,799
I'm a dad.
356
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,628
Young, cool dad.
357
00:14:18,629 --> 00:14:21,349
- Whoo!
- This is so awesome.
358
00:14:21,350 --> 00:14:22,949
But I guess it's not cool to wear
359
00:14:22,950 --> 00:14:24,669
the band's merch to the concert?
360
00:14:24,670 --> 00:14:26,669
Hey, should we get molly?
361
00:14:26,670 --> 00:14:28,139
- Yeah? No.
- Yeah?
362
00:14:28,140 --> 00:14:30,472
No? I mean, we just threw
out all our pacifiers.
363
00:14:30,473 --> 00:14:32,899
Sorry, I'm just... I'm
so happy to be here.
364
00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:35,102
It feels so good to be alone!
365
00:14:35,103 --> 00:14:37,459
- Hi!
- Oh, no!
366
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,020
What the [BLEEP] is happening?
367
00:14:39,024 --> 00:14:41,739
We wanted to surprise you as a thank you
368
00:14:41,740 --> 00:14:43,769
for letting us stay with you!
369
00:14:43,770 --> 00:14:45,079
Surprise!
370
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:46,689
It's us!
371
00:14:46,690 --> 00:14:48,899
- Who's with the kids?
- Ravi.
372
00:14:48,900 --> 00:14:50,359
- Ravi?
- Ravi?
373
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,495
I really like him. He got me this vape.
374
00:14:52,496 --> 00:14:54,849
Ravi doesn't even
acknowledge we have kids!
375
00:14:54,850 --> 00:14:56,666
He calls them our tiny roommates!
376
00:14:56,667 --> 00:14:57,939
I cannot believe this!
377
00:14:57,940 --> 00:14:59,399
H... Wait... But...
378
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,769
See what you did?
379
00:15:01,770 --> 00:15:04,389
We just wanted one night away
from our tiny roommates...
380
00:15:04,390 --> 00:15:05,659
our kids.
381
00:15:05,660 --> 00:15:08,269
Now I have to fix this!
382
00:15:08,270 --> 00:15:10,359
And I already told all the
other dads at drop-off
383
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:11,539
I was going to the Drake show
384
00:15:11,540 --> 00:15:13,100
and now I'm gonna have to lie about it!
385
00:15:18,939 --> 00:15:20,063
Where are the kids?
386
00:15:20,064 --> 00:15:23,026
Oh, hey. They're unconscious...
I-I-I mean, asleep.
387
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:25,799
They went down easy.
388
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,879
You know, I gave 'em some
milk, read 'em a book.
389
00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:29,579
I let Asher do a magic trick.
390
00:15:29,580 --> 00:15:32,570
I, legit, have no idea where
that penny came from!
391
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,579
Wow. Thank you so much.
392
00:15:35,580 --> 00:15:37,409
I'm genuinely surprised.
393
00:15:37,410 --> 00:15:40,043
Also, I had sex in your shower.
394
00:15:42,140 --> 00:15:43,922
You have a beautiful home.
395
00:15:45,060 --> 00:15:47,399
Anyway, just Venmo me
for the babysitting.
396
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:48,427
Oh.
397
00:15:50,260 --> 00:15:53,379
I cannot believe you
showed up at the concert.
398
00:15:53,380 --> 00:15:55,249
I mean, how did you
even get those tickets?
399
00:15:55,250 --> 00:15:57,310
- StubHub.
- We splurged.
400
00:15:57,311 --> 00:15:58,562
- You splurged?
- We splurged.
401
00:15:58,563 --> 00:15:59,730
Don't splurge!
402
00:16:00,731 --> 00:16:02,589
Dad, put down the phone. Huh?
403
00:16:02,590 --> 00:16:04,817
Three, two, one!
404
00:16:04,818 --> 00:16:05,902
No more screen time, Dad!
405
00:16:05,903 --> 00:16:08,019
Our fundraiser's blowing up!
406
00:16:08,020 --> 00:16:09,614
I thought you decided not to do that?
407
00:16:09,615 --> 00:16:11,991
Well, we did, but David
said we should go for it.
408
00:16:11,992 --> 00:16:13,909
You said, "Go for it"?
409
00:16:13,910 --> 00:16:15,412
- No, I mean...
- Yup.
410
00:16:16,270 --> 00:16:18,409
It started making money
as soon as we posted it.
411
00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:20,269
It's up to seven grand.
412
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:22,819
- Like, real American money?
- Seven grand?
413
00:16:22,820 --> 00:16:25,910
- Yep, it really pulls on your heartstrings.
- Mm.
414
00:16:29,843 --> 00:16:32,259
This is on the Internet!
415
00:16:32,260 --> 00:16:34,764
Mom, Dad, what did you do?
416
00:16:34,765 --> 00:16:39,630
Boy, uh, I did not notice breasts
when we started filming,
417
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,059
but, uh, clearly there
are breasts there.
418
00:16:42,060 --> 00:16:43,259
- Dad!
- Look, there's one. There's two.
419
00:16:43,260 --> 00:16:45,579
Dad, stop zooming in
on my wife's breasts!
420
00:16:45,580 --> 00:16:47,059
Now, pi-pinch 'em to make 'em smaller.
421
00:16:47,060 --> 00:16:48,946
No, wait, don't do that! Ew! God!
422
00:16:49,740 --> 00:16:52,139
Guys, I can put up with a lot,
423
00:16:52,140 --> 00:16:53,819
but putting my wife's
boobs on the Internet
424
00:16:53,820 --> 00:16:55,489
is something I will never be okay with.
425
00:16:55,490 --> 00:16:56,869
Can you let me speak for myself?
426
00:16:56,870 --> 00:16:59,899
God! I thought I was
getting my life back,
427
00:16:59,900 --> 00:17:01,708
and instead you just ruined it!
428
00:17:02,350 --> 00:17:04,209
Ah.
429
00:17:04,210 --> 00:17:07,296
Sorry, ugh, it was an accident.
430
00:17:07,297 --> 00:17:09,340
David, what can we do?
431
00:17:09,341 --> 00:17:10,649
I don't know.
432
00:17:10,650 --> 00:17:13,060
I can't figure that out for you.
433
00:17:13,070 --> 00:17:15,722
I already have two kids.
I can't take care of two more.
434
00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:19,719
Well, we never wanted to be a burden
435
00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:21,474
- to you and your family.
- No.
436
00:17:21,475 --> 00:17:23,146
I think you guys should go.
437
00:17:24,340 --> 00:17:27,320
It's okay. We'll figure
this out on our own.
438
00:17:29,020 --> 00:17:32,379
But before I go,
439
00:17:32,380 --> 00:17:36,910
did I tell you how long
I was in labor with you?
440
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:40,872
I know, Mom, 72 hours.
441
00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:43,750
73.
442
00:17:45,380 --> 00:17:47,740
- 'Cause of the head, I know.
- Because of that big head.
443
00:17:55,550 --> 00:17:57,472
I didn't know you had a tattoo.
444
00:17:58,190 --> 00:18:00,429
That's my C-section scar.
445
00:18:00,430 --> 00:18:03,199
Whatever it is, people dig it.
446
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,022
Check out all these comments...
447
00:18:05,023 --> 00:18:06,399
"Hey, sexy!"
448
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,760
"I wanna drink your bath water."
449
00:18:08,770 --> 00:18:10,651
"I work for Saudi Prince.
450
00:18:10,652 --> 00:18:12,459
How much?" Okay, that
one seems dangerous,
451
00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:14,530
but hey, a compliment's a compliment.
452
00:18:14,531 --> 00:18:16,419
This is such a violation.
453
00:18:16,420 --> 00:18:19,399
My naked body for everyone
to see and comment on
454
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,249
and, "Hot knockers!"
455
00:18:21,250 --> 00:18:22,869
Wow. I'll take it.
456
00:18:22,870 --> 00:18:25,449
So, how long is this video?
457
00:18:25,450 --> 00:18:28,045
No idea. We stopped before it ended.
458
00:18:28,660 --> 00:18:31,840
We have two beautiful grandchildren
459
00:18:31,850 --> 00:18:33,859
and amazing kids.
460
00:18:33,860 --> 00:18:35,629
And even our daughter Joanna,
461
00:18:35,630 --> 00:18:38,629
who's sometimes we have
a trying relationship with,
462
00:18:38,630 --> 00:18:40,759
but mainly because she's still single
463
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:42,600
and hasn't given us grandchildren,
464
00:18:42,601 --> 00:18:46,219
is a wonderful person with
an incredible business.
465
00:18:46,220 --> 00:18:48,879
Oh, uh, please check out pupcuts.net
466
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:50,525
for all your dog-grooming needs.
467
00:18:50,526 --> 00:18:54,919
And as much as I love
braggin' about our beauties,
468
00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:56,739
nothing is better than bragging
469
00:18:56,740 --> 00:18:58,782
- about our daughter-in-law, Rebecca.
- Aw.
470
00:18:58,783 --> 00:19:01,489
She's the best. We love
her like a daughter.
471
00:19:01,490 --> 00:19:02,704
Pupcuts.net.
472
00:19:04,660 --> 00:19:06,399
Well, now I feel like an ass.
473
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,119
- Me too.
- Yeah.
474
00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:10,669
You guys have been really hard on them.
475
00:19:10,670 --> 00:19:14,048
I do think I have an idea
though of something we can do.
476
00:19:14,049 --> 00:19:16,799
Great. But before you do
anything, take down the video.
477
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,420
The Saudi Prince just sent me an offer.
478
00:19:19,429 --> 00:19:22,516
Like, would it get us out
of this situation, or...
479
00:19:24,180 --> 00:19:25,890
I'll take the video down.
480
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,889
So, we watched more of the video.
481
00:19:30,890 --> 00:19:32,899
We love everything you
said about our family,
482
00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:35,719
and I can't imagine how hard
this is for you right now.
483
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,799
Oh, thanks for saying that, Rebecca,
484
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,679
but posting that video
with your ass hanging out
485
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,699
was definitely crossing a line.
486
00:19:42,700 --> 00:19:44,663
It was my boobs, but doesn't matter.
487
00:19:44,664 --> 00:19:47,699
Ah, if you keep watching,
it's your ass too.
488
00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:50,369
Anyway, we're very sorry,
489
00:19:50,370 --> 00:19:52,834
and we can appreciate why
you would've been mad.
490
00:19:52,835 --> 00:19:54,160
Oh, thank you, Debbie.
491
00:19:54,170 --> 00:19:57,359
But it was weirdly a
nice self-esteem boost.
492
00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:59,135
A prince wants to buy her.
493
00:19:59,136 --> 00:20:01,719
The point is, we think
you should live with us
494
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:03,347
while Dave renovates your place.
495
00:20:03,348 --> 00:20:05,182
Ah... d... You want us back?
496
00:20:05,183 --> 00:20:06,225
Yeah, we really do.
497
00:20:06,226 --> 00:20:08,889
Oy, I love you guys.
498
00:20:08,890 --> 00:20:11,460
- I got the best kids ever!
- Oh.
499
00:20:11,470 --> 00:20:13,357
Seriously, anything you need just ask.
500
00:20:13,358 --> 00:20:16,152
Except our airline miles.
We really want to go to Japan.
501
00:20:16,153 --> 00:20:17,445
Oh, we're actually going in the fall.
502
00:20:17,446 --> 00:20:18,947
Dad, stop spending your money!
503
00:20:24,740 --> 00:20:27,034
Now that we're staying with you guys
504
00:20:27,035 --> 00:20:29,519
you can take advantage
of my home cooking.
505
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,440
Eat some real food for a change.
506
00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:35,499
Thanks, Debbie, but all
we eat is real food.
507
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:37,599
Really? Because all I found
508
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:40,019
is dried fruit and dark chocolate.
509
00:20:40,020 --> 00:20:44,179
Which, for the record... not chocolate.
510
00:20:44,180 --> 00:20:46,889
Okay, Dad, well, why don't
you tell me what you want me
511
00:20:46,890 --> 00:20:48,199
to get you from the store,
512
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:49,311
and I'll pick it up tomorrow.
513
00:20:49,312 --> 00:20:50,999
Perfect.
514
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,355
White's not chocolate, either.
515
00:20:53,220 --> 00:20:56,519
Okay, bon app�tit!
516
00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:00,439
My famous eggplant parmesan!
517
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:01,640
- Oh.
- Thanks, Debbie,
518
00:21:01,650 --> 00:21:03,782
but I'm allergic to eggplant.
519
00:21:03,783 --> 00:21:05,819
I never heard of such a thing.
520
00:21:05,820 --> 00:21:07,940
Really? I told you like a dozen times.
521
00:21:07,950 --> 00:21:10,189
I'm allergic to all nightshades.
522
00:21:10,190 --> 00:21:13,869
Poor thing can't afford
a pair of sunglasses?
523
00:21:13,870 --> 00:21:17,000
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
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