Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,220 --> 00:00:02,607
Joy. Joy.
2
00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:05,460
More joy.
3
00:00:05,470 --> 00:00:07,778
All the joy.
4
00:00:07,779 --> 00:00:09,559
Okay, Dave, we're supposed
to be throwing out
5
00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:11,279
whatever doesn't spark joy.
6
00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:13,617
Do you really need your old BlackBerry?
7
00:00:13,618 --> 00:00:15,519
Oh, my God. Yes!
8
00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:17,580
This is the first thing I texted you on.
9
00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:19,874
It reminds me of you.
10
00:00:19,875 --> 00:00:21,699
Oh, that's so sweet.
11
00:00:21,700 --> 00:00:24,169
But shouldn't I remind you of me?
12
00:00:24,170 --> 00:00:26,839
- Honestly, you remind me of the phone.
- Oh.
13
00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:29,079
All right, fine.
14
00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:31,465
Keep it, but everything else must go.
15
00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:34,059
It's just so hard to get rid
of this stuff, you know?
16
00:00:34,060 --> 00:00:38,809
I mean, look at these tiny Jordans.
17
00:00:38,810 --> 00:00:40,603
These were Asher's first shoes.
18
00:00:40,604 --> 00:00:41,679
Yeah, I know.
19
00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:45,316
But he never wore them because
newborns can't walk or dunk.
20
00:00:45,317 --> 00:00:46,567
He will one day.
21
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:49,569
Ooh!
22
00:00:49,570 --> 00:00:52,239
- I got fouled.
- Mm.
23
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:55,504
I am serious, we are
finally out of the fog
24
00:00:55,505 --> 00:00:56,989
of having tiny kids.
25
00:00:56,990 --> 00:01:01,059
No more strollers, no more Baby
Bjorns, no more pacifiers.
26
00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:03,125
We are getting our life and home back.
27
00:01:03,126 --> 00:01:06,839
I mean, every closet in this
house is totally empty!
28
00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:08,464
Is it weird that makes me horny?
29
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:12,839
I support however we get there.
30
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,719
Dude, there is so much free
stuff by your driveway.
31
00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:16,729
You gotta check it out.
32
00:01:16,730 --> 00:01:18,379
I just got this dope doggie bjorn
33
00:01:18,380 --> 00:01:21,060
and a sack full of dog pacifiers.
34
00:01:22,420 --> 00:01:24,479
Joanna, that's our stuff.
We're getting rid of it.
35
00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:26,773
Did he have this much crap growing up?
36
00:01:26,774 --> 00:01:28,559
No, he had way more.
37
00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:30,559
Our parents gave him
everything he ever wanted.
38
00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:34,779
Dave had the biggest Beanie
Baby collection in Connecticut.
39
00:01:34,780 --> 00:01:36,576
I was on the news.
40
00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:39,939
Look, he's just always
been the favorite,
41
00:01:39,940 --> 00:01:41,329
and I've made peace with it.
42
00:01:41,330 --> 00:01:43,040
That is so not true.
43
00:01:43,041 --> 00:01:46,084
Hi, number one son.
44
00:01:46,085 --> 00:01:47,309
Mwah, mwah, mwah.
45
00:01:47,310 --> 00:01:48,400
Hi, ladies.
46
00:01:48,410 --> 00:01:49,560
I'm sorry that we're late,
47
00:01:49,570 --> 00:01:52,216
but we stopped by an estate
sale in your driveway.
48
00:01:53,301 --> 00:01:56,449
I got tons of deep V-necks.
49
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,346
I'll make it work.
50
00:01:58,347 --> 00:01:59,899
Okay, everyone please stop
51
00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:01,839
bringing our trash back in our house.
52
00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:04,559
Yeah. It is extremely important to me
53
00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:07,309
that all of the closets stay empty.
54
00:02:07,310 --> 00:02:10,979
We brought you your
favorite bottle of wine.
55
00:02:10,980 --> 00:02:11,980
- Aw.
- Oh, no.
56
00:02:11,981 --> 00:02:14,989
Who died? Is it a cousin
I know or I don't know?
57
00:02:14,990 --> 00:02:17,979
Don't know. Was your cousin Avi.
58
00:02:17,980 --> 00:02:19,659
But that's not the news.
59
00:02:19,660 --> 00:02:21,412
We're dead broke.
60
00:02:22,370 --> 00:02:26,160
Oh, she's exaggerating, but
yes, we are drowning in debt.
61
00:02:26,170 --> 00:02:27,649
What?
62
00:02:27,650 --> 00:02:29,002
How is that possible?
63
00:02:29,003 --> 00:02:30,739
I mean, I had Kris Kross
64
00:02:30,740 --> 00:02:33,039
and David Cross at my Bar Mitzvah.
65
00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,759
Wait, didn't you just
get back from Cabo?
66
00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:36,769
Yeah, we did.
67
00:02:36,770 --> 00:02:38,879
The Adilmans let us use their time share
68
00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:41,680
in exchange for us teaching
them how to use the tweeter.
69
00:02:41,682 --> 00:02:44,392
Can we just focus on what's important?
70
00:02:44,393 --> 00:02:47,437
How are you out of money?
71
00:02:47,438 --> 00:02:49,609
Ah, well, uh, we didn't
have health insurance,
72
00:02:49,610 --> 00:02:51,679
and your mom's knee
surgery a few months back
73
00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:53,068
was not cheap.
74
00:02:53,069 --> 00:02:55,819
My "As Seen on TV"
business has been down
75
00:02:55,820 --> 00:02:57,379
ever since I lost the slanket account.
76
00:02:57,380 --> 00:03:00,409
And sadly, edible coasters
don't sell themselves.
77
00:03:01,828 --> 00:03:04,639
Mm, so you decided the
place to save money
78
00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:07,039
was cutting health care in your 60s?
79
00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:08,251
60.
80
00:03:10,730 --> 00:03:14,923
Look, I know it sounds crazy,
but insurance is very expensive,
81
00:03:14,924 --> 00:03:16,969
and we take excellent care of ourselves.
82
00:03:16,970 --> 00:03:18,969
Daddy just stopped eating red meat.
83
00:03:18,970 --> 00:03:21,429
I'm mostly eating coasters now.
84
00:03:21,430 --> 00:03:24,969
And I spin twice a
week with Susan Pyser,
85
00:03:24,970 --> 00:03:28,479
but I guess it was too much
because I tore my ACL.
86
00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:29,599
I overspun.
87
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:30,980
- You overspun.
- I overspun.
88
00:03:30,990 --> 00:03:32,679
- She overspun.
- Who knew?
89
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:33,990
Me! Hi!
90
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,760
I told you, like, all the time!
91
00:03:35,770 --> 00:03:38,149
Is this how ghosts feel?
92
00:03:38,150 --> 00:03:40,240
This is, uh... This is a lot.
93
00:03:40,241 --> 00:03:41,559
I know. So stressful.
94
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:42,993
That's why we went to Cabo.
95
00:03:42,994 --> 00:03:44,739
What a time.
96
00:03:44,740 --> 00:03:48,439
♪ ♪
97
00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:51,126
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
98
00:03:51,127 --> 00:03:53,619
I can't believe all this
time you've had no money.
99
00:03:53,620 --> 00:03:55,259
Yeah, you should have
just told us the truth.
100
00:03:55,260 --> 00:03:57,219
Ah. Remember how you lied to us
101
00:03:57,220 --> 00:03:59,093
about being gay for so long?
102
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:02,379
You mean when I was in the closet?
103
00:04:02,380 --> 00:04:03,419
Yes.
104
00:04:03,420 --> 00:04:05,307
Now, why didn't you just tell us?
105
00:04:05,308 --> 00:04:09,809
Because I was uncomfortable
and scared and confused.
106
00:04:09,810 --> 00:04:11,299
Exactly. Like us.
107
00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:15,276
And so now we're coming out as broke.
108
00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:19,405
We're here, we're broke, get used to it.
109
00:04:20,907 --> 00:04:24,159
This is not the same situation!
110
00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:25,479
E-Everything's gonna be fine.
111
00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,799
We're gonna downsize and sell
the house before we lose it.
112
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,219
Yeah, we're hoping Davey'll
renovate our house
113
00:04:30,220 --> 00:04:32,139
as beautifully as he did yours
114
00:04:32,140 --> 00:04:33,939
and then we can sell it for double.
115
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,739
You're insanely talented.
116
00:04:35,740 --> 00:04:38,279
Everyone's talking about it.
117
00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:40,219
But why spend the time and the money?
118
00:04:40,220 --> 00:04:41,479
I mean, sell the house.
119
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,095
Cash out. It's already paid off.
120
00:04:43,096 --> 00:04:44,305
Was paid off.
121
00:04:45,460 --> 00:04:48,059
- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.
122
00:04:48,060 --> 00:04:49,659
A few years ago, we pulled out equity
123
00:04:49,660 --> 00:04:50,900
to pay for that trip to Africa.
124
00:04:52,313 --> 00:04:55,059
- Beautiful continent.
- Mm.
125
00:04:55,060 --> 00:04:56,629
It's where it all began.
126
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:59,612
Humanity and our financial woes.
127
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:03,569
Yeah, shopping wasn't
what I expected it to be.
128
00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:05,739
We bought a few things...
129
00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:09,746
I mean, some jewelry...
just a few choice pieces.
130
00:05:09,747 --> 00:05:12,730
I got a spear. It might be haunted.
131
00:05:13,910 --> 00:05:16,399
Okay, well, you're gonna
132
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,299
have to upgrade the
house to make a profit.
133
00:05:18,300 --> 00:05:20,499
So I will talk to my crew
about renovating it quickly.
134
00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,039
Oh, that's amazing.
135
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:23,859
And while you're doing the reno,
136
00:05:23,860 --> 00:05:25,763
we'll stay at an Air-BLT.
137
00:05:26,806 --> 00:05:28,765
It's an Airbnb.
138
00:05:28,766 --> 00:05:30,308
Oh, what'd I say?
139
00:05:30,309 --> 00:05:33,539
The wrong thing. You always
say the wrong thing.
140
00:05:33,540 --> 00:05:36,460
No, you're not staying at an Airbnb.
141
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:39,620
You guys can stay here
as long as you need.
142
00:05:40,850 --> 00:05:43,599
Obviously they cannot stay
here as long as they need.
143
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,579
Obviously, but, um, you just said
the opposite of that to them.
144
00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:48,999
Yeah, because one of us
has to offer to be nice
145
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,459
so one of them can say
"No, no, that's okay,"
146
00:05:51,460 --> 00:05:53,219
and then one of us can
say "Are you sure?"
147
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,660
And then they can say "Of course."
148
00:05:54,667 --> 00:05:56,585
But they didn't say
"No, no, that's okay."
149
00:05:56,586 --> 00:05:57,899
I can't believe it.
150
00:05:57,900 --> 00:05:59,962
Who doesn't say "No, no, that's okay"?
151
00:05:59,963 --> 00:06:01,579
- My parents.
- That is not okay.
152
00:06:01,580 --> 00:06:03,799
I know it's not okay.
153
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:06,678
Look, having them in our
space, it's not a dream.
154
00:06:06,679 --> 00:06:08,229
Actually, I think this is literally
155
00:06:08,230 --> 00:06:09,719
what your mom dreams of.
156
00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:11,399
Well, think of it this way.
157
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,478
Maybe having them live here will
give us some of our life back.
158
00:06:14,479 --> 00:06:17,160
You know, they are built-in babysitters.
159
00:06:17,170 --> 00:06:19,983
Yeah, the last time they
babysat was not ideal.
160
00:06:19,984 --> 00:06:22,149
Some children like coffee.
161
00:06:22,150 --> 00:06:23,779
And that was six months ago.
162
00:06:23,780 --> 00:06:25,780
Yeah, Hazel's eye is still
doing that weird thing.
163
00:06:25,781 --> 00:06:27,519
But she's more focused than ever.
164
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:30,079
And those free babysitters
are making it possible
165
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:33,029
for you and I to go see Drake
at the Garden Friday night.
166
00:06:33,030 --> 00:06:34,540
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
167
00:06:34,550 --> 00:06:37,959
Ah, it'd be so nice to see a
concert that's not on ice.
168
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:39,210
I'm in.
169
00:06:40,820 --> 00:06:44,340
So, uh, now that we're all alone,
170
00:06:44,350 --> 00:06:46,134
what do you say we...
171
00:06:46,135 --> 00:06:48,637
- With my parents in the house?
- Mm-mm.
172
00:06:51,265 --> 00:06:55,477
- You wanna watch "Handmaid's Tale"?
- Ooh, baby.
173
00:06:55,478 --> 00:06:56,689
- Oh!
- Ah!
174
00:06:56,690 --> 00:06:58,219
Right off the bat they hit you with it!
175
00:06:58,220 --> 00:06:59,759
I know this show gives us nightmares,
176
00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:02,809
but I just can't wait to
see what happens next.
177
00:07:02,810 --> 00:07:04,319
Knock knock!
178
00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:07,199
Oy, she jumps off the
bridge in this episode.
179
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,699
Well, no need to watch this now or ever.
180
00:07:09,700 --> 00:07:12,619
Hey, which backpack
has the real soda in it?
181
00:07:12,620 --> 00:07:14,914
Dad, that is my emergency disaster kit.
182
00:07:14,915 --> 00:07:18,879
Oh, boy, I was wondering
why the Clif Bars
183
00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:21,419
were stored with the flashlights.
184
00:07:21,420 --> 00:07:23,797
- Can I help you guys with something?
- Oh, yeah.
185
00:07:23,798 --> 00:07:26,519
We figured out a way
to pay down our bills,
186
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:28,599
and we don't even have
to sell the house, either.
187
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,659
We're gonna start a Facebook fundraiser.
188
00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:32,929
Like everyone else on the Internets.
189
00:07:32,930 --> 00:07:34,909
Not everyone. Just the
people with actual issues.
190
00:07:34,910 --> 00:07:35,919
Yeah, I love you guys,
191
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,604
but you're just two
irresponsible baby boomers.
192
00:07:38,605 --> 00:07:41,399
Ouch. But this is gonna work.
193
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,019
We saw this one girl from Miami
194
00:07:43,020 --> 00:07:44,359
who raised $80,000
195
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:45,539
just because she was colorblind
196
00:07:45,540 --> 00:07:47,560
and needed special glasses to see blue.
197
00:07:47,570 --> 00:07:49,389
We donated $500.
198
00:07:49,390 --> 00:07:53,109
Dad, you gotta keep your money!
199
00:07:53,110 --> 00:07:56,219
Now, please, we'd like to get
back to our tragic horror show
200
00:07:56,220 --> 00:07:57,789
that puts us in a weird
place before bed.
201
00:07:57,790 --> 00:07:59,109
Sure, sure.
202
00:07:59,110 --> 00:08:01,501
Just don't get too
attached to that couple.
203
00:08:01,502 --> 00:08:03,619
In two episodes, they drown.
204
00:08:03,620 --> 00:08:05,300
- Debbie!
- Mom!
205
00:08:08,740 --> 00:08:11,599
This is so weird. I haven't
been in your parents' basement
206
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:13,471
since high school.
207
00:08:13,472 --> 00:08:16,224
And it still smells like Beanie Babies.
208
00:08:16,225 --> 00:08:18,435
How cool was it that I was on the news?
209
00:08:18,436 --> 00:08:21,396
It was a great day for both of us.
210
00:08:21,397 --> 00:08:24,357
I can't believe my parents
are in this situation.
211
00:08:24,358 --> 00:08:27,179
Seriously. Deb and Stew
were always so loaded.
212
00:08:27,180 --> 00:08:30,362
After college, they gave me 10
grand for my independent film.
213
00:08:30,363 --> 00:08:32,533
- I never saw that.
- I never made it.
214
00:08:33,220 --> 00:08:36,030
Don't do any reno'ing without me.
215
00:08:36,036 --> 00:08:39,369
- Hi, doll.
- Hey, Deb-Deb!
216
00:08:39,370 --> 00:08:41,300
Wow! Look at the two of you.
217
00:08:41,310 --> 00:08:43,359
You're like handsomer Property Brothers
218
00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,040
from a different Property Mother.
219
00:08:46,290 --> 00:08:47,399
Let's just go upstairs and I'll show you
220
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:48,465
my plans for the bathroom.
221
00:08:48,466 --> 00:08:49,924
Ooh, I got it! I got it!
222
00:08:49,925 --> 00:08:54,220
How married are you to
facing-forward toilets?
223
00:08:54,221 --> 00:08:55,889
Very married.
224
00:08:55,890 --> 00:08:57,183
Yeah.
225
00:08:59,340 --> 00:09:01,469
- Mom?
- Hm?
226
00:09:01,470 --> 00:09:02,729
You okay?
227
00:09:02,730 --> 00:09:05,139
I-I think I've been so concerned
228
00:09:05,140 --> 00:09:07,640
about selling the house I
really didn't stop to think
229
00:09:07,650 --> 00:09:11,279
what it would feel like
to actually leave it.
230
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:14,359
I know, but it's the only way
231
00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:16,701
- we're gonna get you out of this mess.
- Mm.
232
00:09:16,702 --> 00:09:18,786
Oh, God, look at this.
233
00:09:18,787 --> 00:09:21,519
Remember how obsessed
you were with these?
234
00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:22,629
Oh!
235
00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:24,043
Yeah.
236
00:09:25,377 --> 00:09:27,378
You convinced me I was
gonna win a gold medal.
237
00:09:27,379 --> 00:09:29,619
Ah, you made uncoordinated look fun.
238
00:09:29,620 --> 00:09:31,249
Everyone was talking about it.
239
00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:33,659
No, they weren't.
240
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:35,839
I was just a dumb kid with frosted tips
241
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,249
who got his heart broken
by a girl named Kate
242
00:09:38,250 --> 00:09:39,979
who spelled her name with the letter K
243
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,350
and the number eight.
244
00:09:41,352 --> 00:09:42,549
Mm.
245
00:09:42,550 --> 00:09:45,299
That was the saddest you'd
been since you found out
246
00:09:45,300 --> 00:09:48,220
Santa was not for our people.
247
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:52,780
And that wound is ripped
open every December.
248
00:09:55,130 --> 00:09:56,549
But you cheered me up, remember,
249
00:09:56,550 --> 00:09:58,740
when you threw that surprise
slumber party down here for me?
250
00:09:58,750 --> 00:10:00,370
Yeah, that was fun.
251
00:10:00,371 --> 00:10:02,759
Till you got drunk on Daddy's Zimas.
252
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:03,870
Oh, yeah.
253
00:10:03,874 --> 00:10:05,041
I got shlammered.
254
00:10:05,042 --> 00:10:06,252
Ohh.
255
00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:10,999
I mean, I spent my whole
childhood in this room.
256
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,590
Well, maybe the Facebook
fundraiser could work.
257
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:15,949
I mean, why don't we try it?
258
00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:19,319
If it doesn't, we can always
go back to this plan.
259
00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:20,975
What do you say?
260
00:10:23,477 --> 00:10:27,519
I say sure. Why don't we give it a shot.
261
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,979
[GLASS SHATTERS]
262
00:10:29,980 --> 00:10:33,319
Hey, why do you have a vase
full of dirt on your mantle?
263
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:37,279
That is my Great Aunt Rita's ashes.
264
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:39,609
Okay, shot in the dark.
265
00:10:39,610 --> 00:10:41,059
Is there a slight chance
266
00:10:41,060 --> 00:10:43,413
she wanted them scattered
on your carpet?
267
00:10:43,414 --> 00:10:48,829
♪ ♪
268
00:10:48,830 --> 00:10:50,679
Hi, everybody on the Internets.
269
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:51,689
I'm Debbie.
270
00:10:51,690 --> 00:10:53,619
And I'm Stew, and we're so honored
271
00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:56,059
to be a part of the
fundraising community.
272
00:10:56,060 --> 00:10:59,119
Very excited for that Miami
girl who can see blue now!
273
00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:01,329
- You're welcome!
- It's the best color.
274
00:11:01,330 --> 00:11:04,340
But we're here to talk to you
about our medical bills.
275
00:11:04,350 --> 00:11:06,649
See, Deb hurt her knee
and needed surgery.
276
00:11:06,650 --> 00:11:08,919
Show 'em how it bends funny.
277
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,879
- Ow!
- Do you believe that?
278
00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:13,019
And we run the risk of losing our house
279
00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:16,079
unless you, our online
family, help us out.
280
00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,879
Fortunately, we're living
with our son right now.
281
00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:20,110
He's a good egg.
282
00:11:20,111 --> 00:11:22,419
The best egg. A dinosaur egg.
283
00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:24,299
- Everyone's talking about it.
- They are, they are.
284
00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:28,259
Personally, I think it's because
I breastfed him for two years.
285
00:11:28,260 --> 00:11:30,339
Sidebar... breastfeeding?
286
00:11:30,340 --> 00:11:32,089
- Better than sex.
- All right, Deb. Hey, honey...
287
00:11:32,090 --> 00:11:33,260
- What?
- ... said it before,
288
00:11:33,270 --> 00:11:35,529
it's very upsetting
information and hurtful.
289
00:11:35,530 --> 00:11:37,759
Sweetie, you're my hunka-hunka.
290
00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:39,229
- Mwah.
- Mwah!
291
00:11:39,230 --> 00:11:41,699
- I think this is going very well.
- Oh, me too.
292
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:44,680
We're gonna make that colorblind
girl look like a total amateur.
293
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:53,484
Are you guys really going
to see Drake tonight?
294
00:11:53,485 --> 00:11:55,985
Yeah. And Mom and Dad
are actually helping.
295
00:11:55,986 --> 00:11:58,155
Don't tell me they're babysitting.
296
00:11:58,156 --> 00:12:02,860
Why... Just, like, w-w-why
wouldn't I tell you that?
297
00:12:03,780 --> 00:12:06,746
Because they were bad
at babysitting us, Dave.
298
00:12:06,747 --> 00:12:07,879
Oh, come on.
299
00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:09,789
- They were great!
- Were they?
300
00:12:09,790 --> 00:12:13,375
I have two therapists, four
girlfriends, and nine dogs.
301
00:12:13,376 --> 00:12:15,719
Yeah, but that's you.
You're clearly slightly difficult.
302
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:19,592
I was always a very easy child
and very well taken care of.
303
00:12:19,593 --> 00:12:20,859
You had 10 pairs of Rollerblades
304
00:12:20,860 --> 00:12:22,589
- and how many helmets?
- It was a different time.
305
00:12:22,590 --> 00:12:23,847
Before head injuries?
306
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,969
Maybe they played it fast and
loose with the supervision,
307
00:12:26,970 --> 00:12:28,519
but they're grandparents now.
308
00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:29,894
They're gonna be fine.
309
00:12:29,895 --> 00:12:31,259
- Whoa!
- Yeah!
310
00:12:31,260 --> 00:12:32,269
Whoo!
311
00:12:32,270 --> 00:12:34,079
Okay, Asher, Asher. Your turn.
312
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,379
Oh! Fun!
313
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:36,943
What is up, family?
314
00:12:36,944 --> 00:12:38,736
- Oh! God!
- Asher!
315
00:12:38,737 --> 00:12:41,739
Oh, sweet, sweet boy. I love you.
316
00:12:41,740 --> 00:12:42,950
There's no candy in me.
317
00:12:44,576 --> 00:12:46,577
Why are we hosting a quinceañera?
318
00:12:46,578 --> 00:12:48,729
I said your dad could buy
the kids some candy.
319
00:12:48,730 --> 00:12:50,456
He came home with two piñatas.
320
00:12:50,457 --> 00:12:52,583
Couple dozen Tootsie
Rolls never hurt anyone.
321
00:12:52,584 --> 00:12:54,019
Yes, they did. They hurt me, Dad.
322
00:12:54,020 --> 00:12:55,629
I only have four real teeth.
323
00:12:55,630 --> 00:12:57,673
- My gums bleed when I sing.
- Aw.
324
00:12:57,674 --> 00:12:59,209
Ta-da!
325
00:12:59,210 --> 00:13:00,249
Oh, my God!
326
00:13:00,250 --> 00:13:02,176
I let her do her own makeup.
327
00:13:02,177 --> 00:13:04,011
Doesn't she look beautiful?
328
00:13:04,012 --> 00:13:07,807
She looks like someone left
a rainbow in a hot car.
329
00:13:07,808 --> 00:13:09,409
I'm a princess!
330
00:13:09,410 --> 00:13:11,699
Mm-hmm. Remember,
you can also be a doctor
331
00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:14,119
or an astronaut or...
332
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:15,219
eh, forget it.
333
00:13:15,220 --> 00:13:17,109
It's been a day.
334
00:13:20,112 --> 00:13:21,946
I'm guessing that went horribly?
335
00:13:21,947 --> 00:13:23,859
Yeah. Pretty much.
336
00:13:23,860 --> 00:13:25,533
On top of the chaos out there,
337
00:13:25,534 --> 00:13:28,129
Hazel freaked out because
she lost her Elsa heel.
338
00:13:28,130 --> 00:13:29,869
Why does Elsa even have a heel?
339
00:13:29,870 --> 00:13:31,840
Girlfriend lives on ice!
340
00:13:31,850 --> 00:13:33,625
That's a bad example for girls.
341
00:13:37,629 --> 00:13:39,172
Do you want a glass?
342
00:13:39,173 --> 00:13:40,779
No. Because they're all over the house
343
00:13:40,780 --> 00:13:42,830
covered in your mom's lipstick.
344
00:13:44,386 --> 00:13:46,049
You know, maybe we shouldn't go tonight.
345
00:13:46,050 --> 00:13:47,806
We really don't have to
if you don't want to.
346
00:13:47,807 --> 00:13:48,849
Are you kidding?
347
00:13:48,850 --> 00:13:50,509
Your parents are insane
348
00:13:50,510 --> 00:13:51,699
and the house looks like
349
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:54,021
someone burglarized the
set of "Double Dare."
350
00:13:54,890 --> 00:13:56,600
We are going to that concert.
351
00:13:57,250 --> 00:13:58,349
Okay. Great.
352
00:13:58,350 --> 00:14:00,559
Great! You get me another
bottle of sauvy-b
353
00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:02,180
and I'll go put on my good bra.
354
00:14:03,740 --> 00:14:06,039
Good bra, huh?
355
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:08,339
So you're saying there's a chance!
356
00:14:08,340 --> 00:14:11,909
♪ ♪
357
00:14:11,910 --> 00:14:13,079
Pardon me, bitches.
358
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,659
I need this more than you. I'm a mom.
359
00:14:15,660 --> 00:14:16,799
I'm a dad.
360
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,628
Young, cool dad.
361
00:14:18,629 --> 00:14:21,349
- Whoo!
- This is so awesome.
362
00:14:21,350 --> 00:14:22,949
But I guess it's not cool to wear
363
00:14:22,950 --> 00:14:24,669
the band's merch to the concert?
364
00:14:24,670 --> 00:14:26,669
Hey, should we get molly?
365
00:14:26,670 --> 00:14:28,139
- Yeah? No.
- Yeah?
366
00:14:28,140 --> 00:14:30,472
No? I mean, we just threw
out all our pacifiers.
367
00:14:30,473 --> 00:14:32,899
Sorry, I'm just... I'm
so happy to be here.
368
00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:35,102
It feels so good to be alone!
369
00:14:35,103 --> 00:14:37,459
- Hi!
- Oh, no!
370
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,020
What the [BLEEP] is happening?
371
00:14:39,024 --> 00:14:41,739
We wanted to surprise you as a thank you
372
00:14:41,740 --> 00:14:43,769
for letting us stay with you!
373
00:14:43,770 --> 00:14:45,079
Surprise!
374
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:46,689
It's us!
375
00:14:46,690 --> 00:14:48,899
- Who's with the kids?
- Ravi.
376
00:14:48,900 --> 00:14:50,359
- Ravi?
- Ravi?
377
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,495
I really like him. He got me this vape.
378
00:14:52,496 --> 00:14:54,849
Ravi doesn't even
acknowledge we have kids!
379
00:14:54,850 --> 00:14:56,666
He calls them our tiny roommates!
380
00:14:56,667 --> 00:14:57,939
I cannot believe this!
381
00:14:57,940 --> 00:14:59,399
H... Wait... But...
382
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,769
See what you did?
383
00:15:01,770 --> 00:15:04,389
We just wanted one night away
from our tiny roommates...
384
00:15:04,390 --> 00:15:05,659
our kids.
385
00:15:05,660 --> 00:15:08,269
Now I have to fix this!
386
00:15:08,270 --> 00:15:10,359
And I already told all the
other dads at drop-off
387
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:11,539
I was going to the Drake show
388
00:15:11,540 --> 00:15:13,099
and now I'm gonna have to lie about it!
389
00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:18,938
♪ ♪
390
00:15:18,939 --> 00:15:20,063
Where are the kids?
391
00:15:20,064 --> 00:15:23,026
Oh, hey. They're unconscious...
I-I-I mean, asleep.
392
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:25,799
They went down easy.
393
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,879
You know, I gave 'em some
milk, read 'em a book.
394
00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:29,579
I let Asher do a magic trick.
395
00:15:29,580 --> 00:15:32,570
I, legit, have no idea where
that penny came from!
396
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,579
Wow. Thank you so much.
397
00:15:35,580 --> 00:15:37,409
I'm genuinely surprised.
398
00:15:37,410 --> 00:15:40,043
Also, I had sex in your shower.
399
00:15:42,140 --> 00:15:43,922
You have a beautiful home.
400
00:15:45,060 --> 00:15:47,399
Anyway, just Venmo me
for the babysitting.
401
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:48,427
Oh.
402
00:15:49,220 --> 00:15:50,259
[SIGHS]
403
00:15:50,260 --> 00:15:53,379
I cannot believe you
showed up at the concert.
404
00:15:53,380 --> 00:15:55,249
I mean, how did you
even get those tickets?
405
00:15:55,250 --> 00:15:57,310
- StubHub.
- We splurged.
406
00:15:57,311 --> 00:15:58,562
- You splurged?
- We splurged.
407
00:15:58,563 --> 00:15:59,730
Don't splurge!
408
00:16:00,731 --> 00:16:02,589
Dad, put down the phone. Huh?
409
00:16:02,590 --> 00:16:04,817
Three, two, one!
410
00:16:04,818 --> 00:16:05,902
No more screen time, Dad!
411
00:16:05,903 --> 00:16:08,019
Our fundraiser's blowing up!
412
00:16:08,020 --> 00:16:09,614
I thought you decided not to do that?
413
00:16:09,615 --> 00:16:11,991
Well, we did, but David
said we should go for it.
414
00:16:11,992 --> 00:16:13,909
You said, "Go for it"?
415
00:16:13,910 --> 00:16:15,412
- No, I mean...
- Yup.
416
00:16:16,270 --> 00:16:18,409
It started making money
as soon as we posted it.
417
00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:20,269
It's up to seven grand.
418
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:22,819
- Like, real American money?
- Seven grand?
419
00:16:22,820 --> 00:16:25,910
- Yep, it really pulls on your heartstrings.
- Mm.
420
00:16:29,843 --> 00:16:32,259
[GASPS] This is on the Internet!
421
00:16:32,260 --> 00:16:34,764
Mom, Dad, what did you do?
422
00:16:34,765 --> 00:16:39,630
Boy, uh, I did not notice breasts
when we started filming,
423
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,059
but, uh, clearly there
are breasts there.
424
00:16:42,060 --> 00:16:43,259
- Dad!
- Look, there's one. There's two.
425
00:16:43,260 --> 00:16:45,579
Dad, stop zooming in
on my wife's breasts!
426
00:16:45,580 --> 00:16:47,059
Now, pi-pinch 'em to make 'em smaller.
427
00:16:47,060 --> 00:16:48,946
No, wait, don't do that! Ew! God!
428
00:16:49,740 --> 00:16:52,139
Guys, I can put up with a lot,
429
00:16:52,140 --> 00:16:53,819
but putting my wife's
boobs on the Internet
430
00:16:53,820 --> 00:16:55,489
is something I will never be okay with.
431
00:16:55,490 --> 00:16:56,869
Can you let me speak for myself?
432
00:16:56,870 --> 00:16:59,899
God! I thought I was
getting my life back,
433
00:16:59,900 --> 00:17:01,708
and instead you just ruined it!
434
00:17:02,350 --> 00:17:04,209
Ah.
435
00:17:04,210 --> 00:17:07,296
Sorry, ugh, it was an accident.
436
00:17:07,297 --> 00:17:09,340
David, what can we do?
437
00:17:09,341 --> 00:17:10,649
I don't know.
438
00:17:10,650 --> 00:17:13,060
I can't figure that out for you.
439
00:17:13,070 --> 00:17:15,722
I already have two kids.
I can't take care of two more.
440
00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:19,719
Well, we never wanted to be a burden
441
00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:21,474
- to you and your family.
- No.
442
00:17:21,475 --> 00:17:23,146
I think you guys should go.
443
00:17:24,340 --> 00:17:27,320
It's okay. We'll figure
this out on our own.
444
00:17:29,020 --> 00:17:32,379
But before I go,
445
00:17:32,380 --> 00:17:36,910
did I tell you how long
I was in labor with you?
446
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:40,872
I know, Mom, 72 hours.
447
00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:43,750
73.
448
00:17:45,380 --> 00:17:47,740
- 'Cause of the head, I know.
- Because of that big head.
449
00:17:55,550 --> 00:17:57,472
I didn't know you had a tattoo.
450
00:17:58,190 --> 00:18:00,429
That's my C-section scar.
451
00:18:00,430 --> 00:18:03,199
Whatever it is, people dig it.
452
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,022
Check out all these comments...
453
00:18:05,023 --> 00:18:06,399
"Hey, sexy!"
454
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,760
"I wanna drink your bath water."
455
00:18:08,770 --> 00:18:10,651
"I work for Saudi Prince.
456
00:18:10,652 --> 00:18:12,459
How much?" Okay, that
one seems dangerous,
457
00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:14,530
but hey, a compliment's a compliment.
458
00:18:14,531 --> 00:18:16,419
This is such a violation.
459
00:18:16,420 --> 00:18:19,399
My naked body for everyone
to see and comment on
460
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,249
and, "Hot knockers!"
461
00:18:21,250 --> 00:18:22,869
Wow. I'll take it.
462
00:18:22,870 --> 00:18:25,449
So, how long is this video?
463
00:18:25,450 --> 00:18:28,045
No idea. We stopped before it ended.
464
00:18:28,660 --> 00:18:31,840
We have two beautiful grandchildren
465
00:18:31,850 --> 00:18:33,859
and amazing kids.
466
00:18:33,860 --> 00:18:35,629
And even our daughter Joanna,
467
00:18:35,630 --> 00:18:38,629
who's sometimes we have
a trying relationship with,
468
00:18:38,630 --> 00:18:40,759
but mainly because she's still single
469
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:42,600
and hasn't given us grandchildren,
470
00:18:42,601 --> 00:18:46,219
is a wonderful person with
an incredible business.
471
00:18:46,220 --> 00:18:48,879
Oh, uh, please check out pupcuts.net
472
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:50,525
for all your dog-grooming needs.
473
00:18:50,526 --> 00:18:54,919
And as much as I love
braggin' about our beauties,
474
00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:56,739
nothing is better than bragging
475
00:18:56,740 --> 00:18:58,782
- about our daughter-in-law, Rebecca.
- Aw.
476
00:18:58,783 --> 00:19:01,489
She's the best. We love
her like a daughter.
477
00:19:01,490 --> 00:19:02,704
Pupcuts.net.
478
00:19:04,660 --> 00:19:06,399
Well, now I feel like an ass.
479
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,119
- Me too.
- Yeah.
480
00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:10,669
You guys have been really hard on them.
481
00:19:10,670 --> 00:19:14,048
I do think I have an idea
though of something we can do.
482
00:19:14,049 --> 00:19:16,799
Great. But before you do
anything, take down the video.
483
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,420
The Saudi Prince just sent me an offer.
484
00:19:19,429 --> 00:19:22,516
Like, would it get us out
of this situation, or...
485
00:19:24,180 --> 00:19:25,890
I'll take the video down.
486
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,889
So, we watched more of the video.
487
00:19:30,890 --> 00:19:32,899
We love everything you
said about our family,
488
00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:35,719
and I can't imagine how hard
this is for you right now.
489
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,799
Oh, thanks for saying that, Rebecca,
490
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,679
but posting that video
with your ass hanging out
491
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,699
was definitely crossing a line.
492
00:19:42,700 --> 00:19:44,663
It was my boobs, but doesn't matter.
493
00:19:44,664 --> 00:19:47,699
Ah, if you keep watching,
it's your ass too.
494
00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:50,369
Anyway, we're very sorry,
495
00:19:50,370 --> 00:19:52,834
and we can appreciate why
you would've been mad.
496
00:19:52,835 --> 00:19:54,160
Oh, thank you, Debbie.
497
00:19:54,170 --> 00:19:57,359
But it was weirdly a
nice self-esteem boost.
498
00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:59,135
A prince wants to buy her.
499
00:19:59,136 --> 00:20:01,719
The point is, we think
you should live with us
500
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:03,347
while Dave renovates your place.
501
00:20:03,348 --> 00:20:05,182
Ah... d... You want us back?
502
00:20:05,183 --> 00:20:06,225
Yeah, we really do.
503
00:20:06,226 --> 00:20:08,889
Oy, I love you guys.
504
00:20:08,890 --> 00:20:11,460
- I got the best kids ever!
- Oh.
505
00:20:11,470 --> 00:20:13,357
Seriously, anything you need just ask.
506
00:20:13,358 --> 00:20:16,152
Except our airline miles.
We really want to go to Japan.
507
00:20:16,153 --> 00:20:17,445
Oh, we're actually going in the fall.
508
00:20:17,446 --> 00:20:18,947
Dad, stop spending your money!
509
00:20:24,740 --> 00:20:27,034
Now that we're staying with you guys
510
00:20:27,035 --> 00:20:29,519
you can take advantage
of my home cooking.
511
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,440
Eat some real food for a change.
512
00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:35,499
Thanks, Debbie, but all
we eat is real food.
513
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:37,599
Really? Because all I found
514
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:40,019
is dried fruit and dark chocolate.
515
00:20:40,020 --> 00:20:44,179
Which, for the record... not chocolate.
516
00:20:44,180 --> 00:20:46,889
Okay, Dad, well, why don't
you tell me what you want me
517
00:20:46,890 --> 00:20:48,199
to get you from the store,
518
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:49,311
and I'll pick it up tomorrow.
519
00:20:49,312 --> 00:20:50,999
Perfect.
520
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,355
White's not chocolate, either.
521
00:20:53,220 --> 00:20:56,519
Okay, bon appétit!
522
00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:00,439
My famous eggplant parmesan!
523
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:01,640
- Oh.
- Thanks, Debbie,
524
00:21:01,650 --> 00:21:03,782
but I'm allergic to eggplant.
525
00:21:03,783 --> 00:21:05,819
I never heard of such a thing.
526
00:21:05,820 --> 00:21:07,940
Really? I told you like a dozen times.
527
00:21:07,950 --> 00:21:10,189
I'm allergic to all nightshades.
528
00:21:10,190 --> 00:21:13,869
Poor thing can't afford
a pair of sunglasses?
529
00:21:13,870 --> 00:21:17,000
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
38628
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
