Original subtitles

(CALYPSO MUSIC)

MAMA: Dear Walter,

I am so happy to hear your brother Valentine

has moved into a place of his own.

Hm!

Do not feel so bad if you see a little less of him.

He has a proud and independent spirit.

- (YELLS) - (GROANS)

Vali! Past come up before me.

You have your own bathroom now.

But you have better razor, sister.

- I like the colour. - Hm...

- My leaving gift to you both. - Hey, hey, hey. My lucky pants.

- Come out! Come out! - Sister, please!

I am proud you have been chosen

as union representative at the factory.

Agnes, you hide it well, but I know you are missing me.

When I get the chance to!

Look, as difficult as it might seem...

Does this position come with a wage increase?

If so...

- What is this, huh? - I don't know.

- Who put that there? Did you do that? - My Danielle Steel's books.

- It wasn't me. - You be crazy.

- I am not crazy! - I have not even read this one.

Can a man not read a letter from his mama in peace?

This man has taken my new Danielle Steel's books.

- But I don't have a TV, sister. - Do I care?

I thought Benjie Evans from school had nicked this.

Hey, that does sound like the sort thing Benjie Evans would do.

All of this noise because of a book and a bloody video game.

- Hey, my big bro. Hey! - Wait...

My poyo!

- Oh. - Hm.

It is very hard to find palm wine in England, brother.

I know that. This is how you treat us!

- Wait, wait, wait. OK. I'm going. - I give you a roof over your head.

Eh? Pass your bags!

Bye!

Eh? Eh? Eh?

Bye-bye.

Listen...

(DOOR CLOSES)

Our home is ours once more.

(CHUCKLES)

Why has Uncle left his records?

Hey!

Cupboard! (MUTTERS ANGRILY)

Hey, what's this?

Valentine!

Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian www.addic7ed.com

Don't suppose you have time to rustle up egg on toast, love.

No eggs.

Oh, have that.

Yoghurt?

For breakfast? We're not French.

Here.

Why is this apple all pointy?

It's a pear, Dean.

Bloody hell, Kirst, when was the last time you left the flat?

You haven't got one of those weird phobias,

- like that woman on That's Life? - Ah! Standard lamps.

Yeah, she was really scared.

I'm going out now. Ready, Melissa?

How are you feeling about today?

Walter's big meeting with management.

Should I be worried?

Nah, I mean, it'll be fine.

It's a job for life in that place, innit?

Longer, even!

Yeah.

Love you.

- Come on. - Yup.

- Got everything? - Yeah.

Come on, chop-chop!

Merde!

- Nice shoes. - Italian leather.

Yeah?

You could be buried in shoes like that.

Definitely smart enough for an open coffin.

- So, your big day! - Yeah.

- Walter's gonna save our jobs. - I'm gonna try, man.

Yeah, he's gonna try. Trying's good.

He's gonna try to save our jobs, ain't you, Walter, eh?

Yeah.

Anyone else getting hot?

- Who are you meeting? - Oh, Dennis Flint.

He used to be on the shop floor.

So, if anybody knows anything

about workers and management needing to cooperate, it's him.

Yeah, sounds a bit namby-pamby.

- You think I'm namby-pamby? - No.

- I'm not namby-pamby. - What does namby-pamby mean?

I don't know. It's an English expression.

Hey! You, Valentine!

Uh-oh.

Come back here, and move those records out of my flat.

I'm sorry, sister, I cannot hear you.

I have an ear infection.

Why do you have all your records at our house?

One day you will see my flat, and you'll understand.

Hey, good luck.

Bye, sister!

- I'm not namby-pamby. - I'm not saying you're namby-pamby.

♪ BLONDIE: Rapture ♪

- Kirsty. - Oh.

I ain't seen you for ages.

I've been a bit poorly with...

- ...erm... - What? Tummy?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, nasty.

Do make sure you give that a good wash.

Yeah.

Thank you. Carry on.

♪ Toe to toe ♪

♪ Dancing very close ♪

♪ Barely breathing... ♪

(DOORBELL CHIMES)

Quick! Just... quick!

- What is going on? - Just... Please!

Kirsty, what is going...

Careful! You OK?

I am listening very carefully.

You can say it only once.

(CHUCKLES)

It's not funny, Agnes.

Leon, Melissa's real dad,

he's back from Trinidad.

He's staying with his sister.

I don't want him spotting us on the estate

until I've told Bagpipes he's around.

And your solution is to dress Melissa as ET until he leaves?

No! But you know Bagpipes.

I'll try and bring something like this up over dinner,

and he'll peg it off night fishing.

The number of crispy pancakes I've chucked at his back!

So find a situation he can't peg it from,

and do it then.

When he's in the bath.

Ah! Ooh!

You're right.

You're always right, Agnes.

It's a gift from God.

And these things come up quite a lot in Danielle Steel's.

(MACHINERY HUMMING)

Walter. Walter.

Before we go in, I have compiled an intelligence dossier

- on Dennis Flint for you. - OK.

- He is from Liverpool. - I know that.

He is a die-hard Everton supporter.

Humour is very important

to Liverpoo... Liverpool people.

In their culture, humour denotes status.

- So make sure you laugh at his jokes. - Yeah, or tell some of your own.

No. Just laugh at what he says.

Liverpoolians see anything else as an act of aggression.

- Liverpudlians. - Liverpudlians?

- OK, Baggy? - Yeah. It's probably just the altitude.

- OK. - Yeah. Break a leg.

Let's do it.

- (KNOCK AT DOOR) - Come in.

Dennis.

Shut the door.

Rajesh is here to record notes.

What a fantastic win for Everton on Saturday. Wow.

I support Liverpool.

And I would prefer it if we kept this meeting formal, Mr Easmon.

- You understand? - Of course.

And I apologise for the inappropriate name calling,

Dennis... Mr Flint.

(LAUGHS)

I'm kidding.

- Walter... - Oh, he's kidding.

- Rajesh. - He's kidding.

(LAUGHS)

- You're so funny, Dennis. - I couldn't resist it.

- His face! - So funny. Dennis, you're so funny.

All right, so, Walter, I am gonna be really straight with you now, fella.

The bosses in America need to save a shitload of money.

I'll write 'shedload'.

So, they brought me in here to, erm... what was it?...

Optimise and streamline operational efficiencies or some shite.

Yeah, but what does that mean in English?

Thirty lads laid off.

Thirty?

I know. And it's gonna break my heart to do it, lad.

But, listen, what I don't want is for you lot

to throw your toys out of the pram and head for the door.

Neither do I. We have to get a solution that works for everybody,

- including no layoffs. - And no walkouts.

- Exactly. - OK.

- That is music to my ears. - Mine too. (NERVOUS LAUGH)

No. Don't worry. I won't record my inappropriate outburst.

(DOOR BUZZER)

Vali! Vali!

♪ THE FOUR BROTHERS: Zuro Chisara ♪

- Hey! - How's everybody?

- Everybody fine. - Food!

- Okra and banana bread. - Yeah!

Er, the rent is very cheap. (EMBARRASSED LAUGH)

- You pay real money for this?! - Kobna!

- (SPEAKS AN AFRICAN LANGUAGE) - It's disgusting.

When you first came to England,

the place you lived, it wasn't like this?

It's the same way?

No, it was much worse.

And we had to share a bathroom with two other families.

Hm?

And, see, it's not Buckingham Palace, but with a little...

With lots of elbow grease,

- it will be fine. - Hm. You're right.

It just needs a woman's touch, eh?

Hey, hey, hey!

Then find yourself a woman. I have my own home to clean.

- Are these OK here, Uncle? - Ah, you brought my records.

- Great. - There's only some of them.

If you don't want the rest, I can give it to Oxfam.

Oh, no. No, no. It's just, you know, I'm trying to get...

Oh. No! Side by side, house boy.

- They are best friends, not lovers. - So?

So, I will so-so your head.

They need to be kept clean...

warm

and... dry.

Perhaps you should've spent the money on a nicer flat

than this brand-new stereo system.

Sister, man shall not live by bread alone, eh?

I do not think Jesus was talking about hi-fis.

- Disgusting! - Hm.

♪ INDEEP: Last Night A DJ Saved My Life ♪

How did it go?

It went excellent.

- Oh-ho-ho! - Yeah.

Dennis is a good man. We came with a plan.

No overtime for a while.

- And? - Mm-hm.

And a small matter of a pay-freeze for 18 months.

A pay-freeze?

Kobna! Boy, get that casserole from your Uncle Vali.

(CHUCKLES)

- My Henry Kissinger. - Oh, yeah.

♪ WHAM! I'm Your Man ♪

♪ Call me good ♪

♪ Call me bad ♪

♪ Call me anything you want to, baby ♪

♪ But I know ♪

♪ That you're sad ♪

♪ And I know I'll make you happy ♪

♪ With the one thing that you never had ♪

(MUSIC STOPS)

(METALLIC CLANKING)

- Hey, tell us a joke, Dennis. - (LAUGHTER)

- Kenny Dalglish is shit. - (LAUGHTER)

After consultation with your union representative...

(CHEERING)

Come on, lads. Listen to the man.

...on the subject of layoffs...

(BOOING)

...it has been decided

that 50% of all production line staff...

...will be made redundant.

You will be notified in writing.

- Thank you. - (ANGRY VOICES)

We didn't discuss that. Dennis!

No, no, no. Come on, man.

- Hey, mate. - Is this part of the plan?

Walter, I thought you said you could save our jobs.

Baggers, I'm trying to think.

I've got bills to pay. I've got groceries.

Kirsty's got her eye on a new mattress.

I can't have yoghurt for breakfast every day.

Walter! Walter!

- Can you save our jobs? - Bagpipes!

I don't know.

♪ Breathe ♪

♪ Breathe in the air... ♪

- Ow! - Bagpipes! Shit!

- Oh, no! - (GROANS)

This is very bad for his productivity output.

♪ ODYSSEY: Going Back To My Roots ♪

(LIFT DINGS)

- Look, it's not bloody funny. - (LAUGHS)

I can't believe you broke your arse!

It's a bruised coccyx.

I'm sorry, but that makes it worse!

Can we just get inside?

Good idea.

Ow! Careful!

♪ Going back to my roots ♪

Yeah. (LAUGHS) Ooh!

Welcome to Valentine's!

I have to remind you there's still some renovation work in progress,

- so... - Shit.

How about now?

Perhaps some music, eh?

Follow me. Mind your feet, eh?

Please, have a seat.

OK. Got any Madonna?

Hey. (NERVOUS LAUGH) I don't know about that. Hm...

Ah!

Uncle G. (CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES)

♪ MARVIN GAYE & TAMMI TERRELL: You're All I Need To Get By ♪

Hey...

What's that smell?

Eh? It wasn't me!

(CHUCKLES)

No, no, no, really, it came with the flat.

I would never... Ooh!

(CHUCKLES)

Not with my lady present, eh?

Panic attack?

Sounds like something Granny would have,

if she found a ladder in her tights at church.

- You've had shocking news. - If anyone asks,

you need to tell 'em it was a heart attack, all right?

- A very big, manly heart attack. - I'm not saying that.

All right, well, before you go,

could you pass me my copy of Trout Fisherman?

Oh...

- Hang on. Here you go. - Ta.

Erm...

Bagpipes, there's something I need to talk to you about.

Oh. Er, thinking about it, I...

I really fancy a bag of Skips.

Ow! Ow! My coccyx.

(SIGHS)

- Go on, then. - It...

It's about Mel...

Do you know what?

It's nothing. Don't worry.

All right.

Oh, and don't forget those Skips.

- Oh, and a Walnut Whip. - Yeah.

♪ Inspire you a little higher ♪

♪ I know you can ♪

♪ Make a man out of a soul that didn't have a goal ♪

- (WATER DRIPPING) - ♪ Cos we ♪

♪ We got the right foundation ♪

♪ And with love and determination... ♪

Excuse me, beautiful creature, one minute...

No, no, no, no!

No!

- Valentine? - Don't just sit there.

Help me find somewhere to put them, eh?

Quick! Quick, quick, quick!

You see? This is why I didn't want my records here, eh?

Nothing beautiful should ever come to this place, eh?

Right, thanks a lot (!)

Not you, my angel.

- (THUD) - (SCREAMS)

- Oh, my God, what just happened? - (COUGHS)

Are the records OK?

♪ PAUL SMITH: African Descent ♪

- Dennis lied to me. - Hm.

Eh? He made me look like a bloody liar.

- And then, of course, Bagpipes. - Sure?

Bagpipes lives on a diet of cheese and lager.

His collapse had nothing to do with you.

Dennis made me feel like we had an agreement.

- He betrayed me. - So go back and fight.

Management already think that I'm a trouble maker.

What if they say... (AS BOSS) 'Walter, you're laid off'?

We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Huh?

Go and talk to Dennis.

Or do I have to lock you in the boardroom with him myself?

- Hm? Hm. - Oh, yeah? How?

- How are you gonna do that? - You know me.

- That's not necessary. - (LAUGHS)

Ooh! Since you're feeling so strong,

maybe you can take the rest of Valentine's records

round to his house on your way to work.

Huh? How did we go from that to that?

(SIREN WAILS)

♪ I come home in the morning light ♪

♪ My mother says ♪

♪ 'When you gonna live your life right?' ♪

♪ Oh, Mother, dear, we're not the fortunate ones ♪

♪ And, girls, they wanna have fun ♪

♪ Oh, girls just want to have fun ♪

Kirsty, you still haven't told Bagpipes

that Leon is back on the estate.

Perfect opportunity, lying there, coccyx in the air.

I bottled it. Oh, Christ!

Kirsty, you need to talk to him, please.

Secrets like this destroy marriages.

Get that from Danielle Steel as well?

Not everything I know comes from Danielle Steel.

Catherine Cookson.

She is a fine and wise woman.

(LAUGHS) You ain't getting these silly ideas from these books, eh, Ag?

Earth to Agnes. Hello? Hello?

Sorry. Bagpipes, he likes, erm...

- tinned pineapple, doesn't he? - Sure.

I have some for him, as a get-well-soon gift.

- I'll give it to him. - He might be sleeping.

Ag!

- (GROANS) - All right, darling?

How are you feeling now?

Agnes has brought you a tin of pineapple.

Ooh, lovely.

Er, ooh, bye.

What are you doing?

I'm locking you in.

What?

Bagpipes, Kirsty has something she has to tell you,

and I'm not unlocking this door until she does.

Don't be silly, Ag.

I am a compact but powerful woman.

And you're not leaving until you discuss what you need to discuss.

Oh, er, well, I'd love to, but it's my coccyx.

I've got to go and lie down.

Hold on, hold on, I'll do it.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

Come on, Bagpipes, let's get you into bed.

- Watch my coccyx, Kirs. - It's his coccyx, Ag.

- Yeah, it's my coccyx. - Shall we do this another time, yeah?

No. This is pathetic.

Talk to each other, huh? Please.

OK.

I'll be in the hallway.

Don't worry. It's gonna be all right.

But you might need to sit down.

Actually, if it's all right, I think I'd rather stand.

- It's my... - It's your coccyx.

- Coccyx. - Yeah.

Well, Bagpipes, you know Melissa's father.

Well, her biological father.

♪ THOMAS MAPFUMO: Nyoka Musango ♪

Walter, what's going on? Walter? Walter, talk to me.

Don't do anything rash. I strongly advise you not to do anything...

Dennis! What happened? Huh?

You said, 'You can trust me, lad.'

Well, yes. I tried to pitch the Yanks the proposal,

the pay-freeze, all that. They didn't even let me finish.

So, 25 men lose their jobs?

Well, it was meant to be 30.

Look, I shouldn't tell you this, but if it makes you feel any better,

your name's not on the list.

De La Croix?

Bagpipes.

I had to start somewhere. You know how it is.

- Why, because he collapsed? - No. Not officially.

- OK. Well, sack Geoff, then. - Why, because he's brown?

- That's your next best reasoning? - Well, that's not fair.

The people who put me in this room expect me

to do the job the best I can. I owe them that.

You're not the only one. What does that mean?

- Rajesh! - Yes?

Er, I wasn't listening.

Get the men together. All of them!

Open the door.

Sorry. God bless.

♪ QUEEN: Under Pressure ♪

Dear Mama,

there is a great deal of news I have to tell you.

Valentine seems very happy at his new home...

(SNORES)

...while at work, I've had to make some very difficult decisions.

♪ Pressure! ♪

And I know it was the right thing to do,

but after careful consideration,

this decision was made to go on...

Strike?!

Aggie, you know, I was gonna tell you.

You didn't think to discuss it with your wife?

- I told you to talk. - Yeah...

- Not to walk out! - But you've got to understand

sometimes a man has to...

♪ THE STYLE COUNCIL: Walls Come Tumbling Down ♪

Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian www.addic7ed.com

♪ You don't have to take this crap ♪

♪ You don't have to sit back and relax ♪

♪ You can actually try changing it ♪

♪ I know we've always been taught to rely ♪

♪ Upon those in authority ♪