All language subtitles for Deadlier Than the Male (1967)

[RANK GONG]

[OPENING THEME]

- Put me through to Hardacre.
- Yes, Mr Keller.

- Mr Keller wants this passed to London.
- Okay.

Here you are, sir.

Careful - the... coffee is very hot.

- Thank you.
- Uh-huh.

Excuse me.

[GUNSHOT FROM CIGAR]

[BRASSY, VAMPISH MUSIC]

[BUZZER]

This is Eckman, Captain.

Mr Keller would like to fly as low
as possible over the island.

[BANGING ON THE DOOR]

[BUZZER]

[THEME MUSIC CONTINUES
SINGING BY THE WALKER BROTHERS]

"She whispers oh such pretty lies."

"Don't believe her."

"For when you look into her eyes."

"Love just isn't there."

"Brother beware."

"Take care, my brother - take care."

"For the female of the species is
deadlier than the male."

"The smile that made a dream begin"

"Clouds your vision."

"It's just the shadow of a dream"

"That you're living in."

"She never cared."

"Beware, my brother - beware."

"For the female of the species
is deadlier than the male."

"By walking streets you've never known,"

"When the night comes."

"Sitting in places that you go,"

"Hoping she'll be there."

"Brother, beware."

"Take care, my brother - take care."

"For the female of the species
is deadlier than the male."

---far-reaching effects, both to your own
interests and internationally.

This tape contains all the information I
have on the subject.

I know you'll recognise the urgency...

...and act on it immediately.

I'd like to have seen you myself...

...but it's imperative that I stay here.

Good luck, Hugh.

[JANGLY, SEDUCTIVE MUSIC]

Good morning.

Good morning. Lovely day, isn't it?

- Are you Mr Wyngarde?
- Yes.

Right.

Mm-mm... silly, Mr Wyngarde. Very silly.

Okay.

[CHOKING SCREAM]

Oh... poor Mr Wyngarde.

[COOL, BONGO-DRIVEN MUSIC]

Ooh!

[GRUNTS AND SLAMS]

Mr Drummond?

- Yes.
- You're wanted on the phone.

Huh.

Excuse me.

Hugh Drummond here. You have a call for me?

Hello, John. Don't you ever take a day off?

Oh, about... half an hour then?

Okay, all right. Bye-bye.

I say, Drummond?

Doesn't your group at Lloyds insure
most of the Keller Organisation?

It's a nasty business.

And it's going to cost us a great deal of money.

Well...

...it may sound ghoulish, but as it happens,
it's going to make us a great deal of money.

How?

Phoenician Oil is almost certain to pick up
Keller's concessions now.

We've been after them for months...

...but Keller's always stood in our way.

What is it, Peggy?

- Time for your medicine.
- Oh, Lord!

- Can I get you a drink, Mr Drummond?
- Yes, have a drink.

Ahh, filthy muck!

- I think I'll have one too.
- No, Sir John.

- No?
- No!

Oh.

Mr Drummond?

Later, perhaps.

Very well.

You're wasting your time.

Peggy's a very well brought-up girl.
Father's a bishop.

But in spite of her, I'm going to have a drink.

They tell me you knew a fellow
named David Wyngarde?

Yes, I still do.

Not anymore. He's dead!

Good heavens. How?

Killed in a shooting accident.

That doesn't sound like Wyngarde.

He was a particularly careful man.
Especially about guns.

This was a harpoon gun...

...he was, er, skin-diving.

Oh, now I know there's something fishy!

He couldn't swim.

What you've just told me confirms
my own suspicions.

Wyngarde worked for me, you know?

Exploratory work on oil fields.

Two days ago, I got this cable from him.

"Imperative contact Henry Keller immediately.
Matter life and death. Cable whereabouts. Wyngarde."

And did you contact him?

Ever tried to contact a man like Keller?

Ran his whole damn shooting match from
that plane. I tried, but couldn't.

Next thing I hear is this.

And you think that, er, Wyngarde knew?

Well, he must have known something.

Mmm.

Well, what do you want me to do about it?

Well, you're involved in two ways.

First, the insurance on Keller's plane.

Second, your friendship with Wyngarde.

I'd appreciate it if you could find out what happened.

Well, I'll try. Can I keep this?

It's time for the Phoenician board meeting, Sir John.

Right.

It's a sick world, Hugh.

Keller's dead. And, because of it...

...do you know what I'll find around the
Phoenician board table this morning?

Nothing but a lot of happy, smiling faces.

[CHATTER]

[KNOCKS ON TABLE]

Please... gentlemen.

Sir John?

I say it's an obligation.

No matter what has happened...

Phoenician is committed to pay and...

- ...we shall have to do so.
- A million pounds?

You'd seriously pay out a million pounds of the shareholders'
money, when you don't have to?

They'd boot you out of the next meeting if you did.

And quite right, too!

A million pounds was the figure agreed, Bridgenorth.

And, anyway - why all the fuss?

You know what the Samarkand
oil concession means to us.

Exactly...

...if we don't clear six million net profit in the
first eighteen months, I'll resign.

And about time, too!

Now, let's look at this situation realistically, shall we?

Three months ago...

...we, Phoenician Oil...

...were approached by the representative
of an unknown private party...

...who suggested...

...that Keller's objection...

...to merging his oilfields with ours...

...could be overcome inside six months...

...in exchange for a fee of one million pounds.

Now Keller's dead...

...the merger will go through, and it
needn't cost us a cent.

And yet...

...two of our directors still want to
pay out this million. Why?

Because we have a contract.

And when I make a contract, I stick to it.

Rubbish!

[CHATTER]

Yes?

- The young lady's here to see you now, sir.
- Thank you.

Gentlemen, the other party's representative is here.

Good. Let's get on with it.

Good morning, Miss Eckman.

Good morning.

We have just been discussing what could be
done about your proposition.

But there's nothing to discuss, I'm sure.

Mr Keller no longer opposes the merger...

...now you... merely have to pay our fee.

Thank you.

We don't have to pay a cent.

You didn't do anything.

Keller's death was an Act of God.

Our contract did not call on us
to do anything, gentlemen.

Except prove that Mr Keller's opposition would
be withdrawn, before a specified date.

Well...

...it HAS been withdrawn.

She's absolutely right, you know.

[ARGUING]

Gentlemen.

I think we should take a vote.

Those who feel we are obligated to pay this fee
should signify in the usual way.

Those in favour of payment?

Thank you. Four.

And those against?

Five.

I, also, am in favour of paying.

You see, Miss Eckman - we're deadlocked.

Very well, then.

I shall convey your decision to my principal.

And perhaps we can meet again tomorrow.

Yes, there's a good lass.

Or why not have him come up here himself?

We'd all like to meet him.

I'm afraid that would be... impossible.

Good day.

- Thank you, Miss Eckman.
- Thank you.

[HE CHUCKLES]

That's a right little cracker, that one.

Why can't we employ agents like her?

ltem five, gentlemen.

[JAUNTY MUSIC]

Hi, Uncle Hugh.

You're supposed to be in America.

- Yeah, well, something came up.
- What was she like?

Angry. So was her father.

You're... not thinking of staying, are you?

Well, I live here. Remember?

Only when you're in London.

So? I'm in London.

And it's good to be home.

- You are pleased to see me?
- I'm overwhelmed.

I'm mean, you... you haven't rented my
room or anything, have you?

Now that's a damn good idea -
I wish I'd thought of it.

Ahhhh!

It's good to see you again, Uncle Hugh.

- What have you been up to?
- Oh, this and that.

- That?
- Miss Ashenden. My nephew, Robert.

- How do you do?
- Hello, Miss Ashenden.

- Or may I call you---
- "Miss Ashenden" will be fine.

Hey... look, if this is business or something..?

We've finished.

We have?

Well then, uh...

- ...maybe I should take the lady home.
- That won't be necessary.

Well, we can't have you walking the streets alone.

I never do.

Hugh is driving me. Aren't you, darling?

Yeah.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Good evening, sir.

Welcome home and good evening...

...Mr Bridgenorth.

How did you get in?

Who gave you that?

What do you want?

Think you can get round me, eh?

Can't I?

No.

How very disappointing.

And I thought I'd...

...found a real man in you...

...Mr...

...Bridgenorth.

Wait a minute.

No need to be hasty.

You could always... try persuading me.

Do you think I, uh...

...could succeed?

Try.

[SEDUCTIVE MUSIC]

[GROANS AND MOANS]

Nails are sharp.

Huh!

[GASP]

Penelope.

Mr Bridgenorth?

It could have been very nice, Mr Bridgenorth.

But now you're paralysed.

You can see and you can hear.

And you can feel.

But you can't move, and you... can't talk.

Oh, poor Mr Bridgenorth.

You see, it is a nasty old drug
she carries in her ring.

It only lasts just a few minutes.

And doesn't leave any traces at all.

Isn't that clever?

- The police will think you've committed suicide.
- Penelope - take his feet.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Bye, bye, Mr Bridgenorth.

[SCREECH OF CAR BRAKES]

Well, I have had men fall for me before, but...

...never like this!

[BIG BEN CHIMING]

- Good morning, Miss Eckman.
- Good morning.

Well, now, I have conveyed the news of
your deadlock to my principal...

...but unfortunately he does insist...

...that the contract must be honoured and his fee paid.

Oh, I see that our main objector... is not here today.

Well, in that case perhaps, gentlemen,
you would care to... vote again.

I really don't think it's as simple as that.

- Pay the girl.
- Am I to take that as a proposal?

Sir John's right.

Do pay her before someone else falls
from a fifteen-storey building.

[FORCED LAUGHTER]

I think we might strike Mr Weston's
last remark from the record.

Those in favour of paying?

You may tell your principal the money will
be paid, as per contract.

Thank you very much, gentlemen.

[DRAMATIC, FUNKY MUSIC]

Senor Drummond, sir.

You are Senor Drummond?

Yes. Who are you?

Carloggio, sir.

I was Senor Wyngarde's servant.

You'd better come inside.

Would you like a drink?

I was sorry to hear about Senor Wyngarde.

Oh, you know? Who tell you?

Sir John Bledlow had a cable from
the police at Castellomale.

The police. They're no good!

When I tell them about the tape
recording, theyjust laugh.

What... tape recording?

All that morning...

...Senor Wyngarde talk into his tape machine.

Is very important, he says.

I come back from the market...

...and find him dead, but there is no tape.

There is only this.

Nothing else?

When the tape was pulled from the machine...

...this little piece was torn off.

And you brought these things to
me because of this address?

Si, Senor.

The whole tape was to come to you.

It was arranged by Senor Wingarde before he die.

"Carloggio", he say to me...

..."I want you to go to London with a very important
package for Senor Drummond."

"You make sure you give it to him,
and nobody else."

Now he's murdered...

...and the tape that was the package, is gone.

But still I come.

[TAPE]
---ate the ruler and the ack---

[TAPE BEING REWOUND]

[TAPE]
---ate the ruler and the ack---

Well, there's not enough here to
make any sense.

I may want to fly back with you.

See if I can find out what's going on.

Where are you staying?

I stay with my cousin.

Here is his address. In Camden Town.

- You want me to drive you?
- Grazie, is no need. I meet-a him.

- Goodbye, sir.
- Goodbye, Carloggio.

[TAPE]
---ate the ruler and the ack---

[TAPE BEING REWOUND]

[TAPE]
---ate the ruler and the ack---

[SEDUCTIVE MUSIC]

Oh, excuse me, please.

Could you direct me to Montpelier Square?

I'm sorry, I'm a stranger.

Funny little man. To come all this way, hmm.

Yeah, and ourjob is to find out why.

We'll find out.

Won't we, little man, hmm?

Do you have to play around with everything?

Really, now.

[TAPE]
---ate the ruler and the ack---

[TAPE BEING REWOUND]

[TAPE]
---ate the ruler and the ack---

What's an "ack"?

I don't know.

"Ruler" sounds indigestible enough, but an "ack"!

- Who ate them?
- Shut up, will you?

[TAPE]
---ruler and the ack---

Uncle Hugh?

For goodness' sake, stop calling me "uncle".

- Hugh, old man...
- "Hugh" is sufficient.

Hey, I was just wondering - are you
going to be in tonight?

- Why?
- Just wondering.

- Entertaining?
- Kinda.

- What "kinda"?
- You know.

Well, I'm simply trying to find out whether I
should put the... breakables away or not.

Last time you had a party...

...it cost me a great deal of money.

Hey, no - nothing like that.

No large, young men panting hotly
all over the furniture?

- Just me.
- Hmm.

Well...

...try and get her out before daylight.

I don't want the place to get a bad name.

[LAUGHTER]

Who taught you to play?

Chess..?

Yeah.

Sir John.

Check.

Well, he's a good teacher.

He's too careful.

Not bold enough in attack?

My boldness is a refinement of my own.

Well, it suits you.

Check.

Ahh! A bad move.

Good evening, Mr Drummond.

And Miss Ashenden.

Good evening, Mr Weston.

Does Sir John know that you're playing
games with Mr Drummond?

I'm sure he will... in the morning.

Ah. Not from me, dear lady.

Not from me.

Check.

I was sorry to hear about Bridgenorth.

Yes, that was most unfortunate.

- May I?
- Do.

Did you know him well?

Only by reputation.

Excuse me, sir - your guest is here.

Perhaps we can finish it at another time?
Excuse me.

Now, my dear.

Shall we play another game?

- Chess?
- I'll take you home.

- Yours or mine?
- Yours.

Robert's got company.

[SEDUCTIVE MUSIC]

You lay a finger on me, Robert Drummond...

...and I'll bite it off.

Now, Brenda... stop playing hard to get.

I AM hard to get.

But it's worth the effort.

Nnn-uh.

I'd like another drink, please.

I do all sorts of things when I'm tight.

"Specially bottled for Hugh Drummond, Esq."

I'd like to meet your uncle.

No, you wouldn't. He's old.

But I like older men.

Not that old.

I bet your uncle doesn't behave like this.

Oh, yes, he does.

Really?

Him being so old, too?

He's got a good memory.

Now, Brenda.

[LAUGHTER]

[DOOR BUZZER]

The door.

Mmm. I know.

Aren't you going to answer it?

They'll go away.

[DOOR BUZZER]

I'll go.

It might be someone fascinating.

We could have a party!

Good evening.

- Does Mr Drummond live here?
- He does.

I have a package for him.

Perhaps you'd be kind enough to see he gets it?

Oh, of course.

Thank you.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Satisfied?

- It's for you.
- Oh.

Who's sending me cigars?

Oh.
It's for my uncle.

- Can I have one?
- What?

A cigar?

Of course not!

Well, why shouldn't women smoke cigars?

It's not lady like.

They make me feel sexy.

You look like a fallen woman.

Well, I haven't fallen... yet.

Let me give you a push.

[CIGAR GUNSHOT AND BREAKING GLASS]

Well, I know I promised to stay out this evening,
but you didn't need to shoot at me!

It was her cigar.

Catch your girlfriend, Robert -
I think she's going to faint.

Hey, Brenda. Brenda!

What shall I do with her?

Well, put her on the bed and loosen her...

...Er... put her on the bed.

Your bed.

Smoke too much, these young girls.

Hello? This is Hugh Drummond.

I'd like to see Mr Boxer.

Mmm, tonight.

All right. I'm on my way.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[CALYPSO MUSIC]

Now - do the back.

Nowjust a bit more.

Yes, more.

[BUZZER]

- Yeah?
- Mr Drummond is here.

Ah. Send him in.

Shoo! Shoo!

Come in, Hugh.

- Sit down. Nice to see you.
- Hello, Boxer.

- I never did like those tourist beaches.
- Oh?

There!

Is that better?

lnstant vacations, eh?

Only sort I can get. I've been
officially dead for three years.

Want a drink?

For a dead man, you're making
an awful lot of money.

Well, even dead men have to live.

Getting old, though.

Only the clean trade interests me these days.

Well, no more drugs or girls.

A bank here. A train there.

All good clean fun, and who misses it?

The insurance companies.

Not yours, though. Never yours.

What's on your mind?

- Old-fashioned murder.
- Who? When?

Thanks. [LAUGHS]
I don't want anybody killed.

- I want to find a killer.
- Oh.

- Who's been killed?
- Keller...

...chap called Henry Bridgenorth, and...

- ...David Wyngarde.
- David...

- ...what? The David we knew in the army?
- Mmm.

And tonight...

...I received a box of cigars...

...and a .22 slug inside each one of them, and...

...a very neat firing mechanism.

Yeah.

Doesn't ring a bell.

I'll have to check.

I've got Hugh Drummond with me. We're old buddies -
anything I have is his.

He wants to know who killed a mutual
friend, David Wyngarde...

...old Henry Keller, and a Mr..?

- Bridgenorth.
- Bridgenorth.

Yeah, also - who sent him a box of
cigars. Loaded ones.

Yes, sir.

We keep up-to-date records on everything.

Well, we have to. Chicago, New York,
Beirut, Hong Kong.

Yeah, I've even go my own private
hotwire to Moscow.

And what we haven't got on file, we can
get by teletype - the same day.

Korea?

You're a sentimentalist, Boxer.

Yeah. Digging that tunnel was the only
honest work I ever did in my life.

You were a lousy escaper.

We escaped, didn't we?

[INTERCOM BUZZ]

Yeah?

We have records of Keller and Bridgenorth.

Both accidents, it says here.

Nothing on Wyngarde at all.

The cigars were bought from the Aldgate
bomb specialists, by a bird.

No information on the bird, except
she was "a looker".

That's it, Hughie boy. I'll call you if I hear any more.

Yeah. It sounds to me as if you're
up against a lone wolf.

- And that can be rough.
- Well, thanks a lot.

And, er...

...you stay alive, huh?

You too, Hughie boy.

Oh, er... ask the, er, young lady to
come down again, will you?

[CALYPSO MUSIC]

The young lady.

I think we were up to the back, darling.

Ah, that's it.
[GROAN]

[SCREECH OF BRAKES]

What's the matter?

Aren't the odds good enough for you any more?

- I want a word with you, my friend.
- You're breaking me legs!

Yeah. That's exactly what I intend to do.

Look, let me out! Let me out!

Who sent you?

[ENGINE REVVING]

A woman! Some woman. She paid us.

She told us to kill you, and make
it look like a mugging.

What woman?

I never saw her before.

She contacted me, and I got hold of the others.

She never told us nothing about it.

She just paid us and... and told us what to do!

I think I'll break your legs anyway.

Honest, guv - that's all I know! I never saw her before!

Better look after your friend. I think
his feet are killing him.

Ah, Robert. What are you doing there?

Ow!

Well, she decided she didn't want to go home.

And she didn't wanna...

...well... I like sleeping on the couch.

- Oh, how is she?
- Oh, she's fine.

Asleep.

No, I'm not.

Is this your uncle, Robert?

Uncle Hugh - this is Brenda.

Hello, Brenda.

- Hello, Uncle Hugh.
- How are you feeling?

I feel fine now.

Can I have a drink?

Here, I'll get it.

Well... 'night, Uncle.

'Night, Robert.

She's... upset.

Well, that makes two of you.

'Night.

[WHISPERING]
Hey!

- I haven't got a glass.
- Oh, I'll get you one.

Thank you.

Well, good night.

Good night.

[COUGH]

I'm terribly sorry...

...but there doesn't seem to be
a key to this door.

I think I ought to...

Well, why don't you, uh, try putting the
chair under the handle.

Oh, all right.

- Good night.
- Good night.

I can't seem to fix this chair.

Would you like me to do it for you?

Would you?

With pleasure.

- Good morning.
- Mmm.

Pretty sneaky of her - creeping off like that
in the middle of the night.

Well, it's understandable. She had
a rough night, you know.

Yeah.

Um, Hugh, old man...

...uh, Hugh.

- I, er...
- No - I'm not going out tonight.

You'll have to let your urges run
wild somewhere else.

No, it's not that.

Er, you couldn't loan me a hundred quid, could you?

No.

What for?

Well, I wanted to buy some warm-weather
clothes. I've got an invitation.

Where to?

Well, this friend of mine has got a yacht and he's
cruising all around the Mediterranean.

You mean you might be leaving?

I'm afraid so. I'm sorry.

I'm going to leave this blank. Just fill it
in for whatever you want.

Oh, thank you!

- I'll pay you back, of course.
- Any time.

Oh, where's the best place to go?

Well, I always go to Spindles
in Knightsbridge.

Oh, is Pogo gonna be proud of me!

Who's Pogo?

He's the guy with the yacht. See ya.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Drummond.

Hello, John.

Where? The Pan-Arabian Oil building?

All right, I'll be there. Bye.

- Oh!
- Hey why don't you look where you're---

[SEDUCTIVE MUSIC]

Well, excuse me, I... Let me...
let me give you a hand.

I'm terribly sorry.

Oh, it's my fault. My fault.

Thank you.

Hey, is... is that yours or mine?

It's mine. Oh, no, no - it's not.

Hey, I got a great idea.

My car's right here - why don't we just
lump everything in the back and...

...go someplace where we can...
sort it out properly?

What a lovely idea.

My principaI's proposal is a very
simple one, gentlemen.

Your company would like to acquire the oil
rights in Akmata on a royalty basis.

That is right.

The new King, however, proposes to develop them himself.

Actually, in competition with your interests in that area.

[MURMURING]

My principal believes...

...he can arrange for you to be granted
the rights within three months.

Providing you pay him a fee of one million pounds.

[SHOCKED AND OUTRAGED TALKING]

- Miss Eckman?
- Thank you.

My principal estimates the main Akmata field...

...will yield a minimum of 90,000, and I repeat,
90,000 barrels a day.

The first year's profits will not be less
than twelve million pounds...

...with an expansion to adjacent fields.

As I said before, gentlemen---

[ECKMAN CONTINUES TALKING]
Is it as hard as that to get a concession in Akmata?

I would have said "impossible".

Every major company is after it...

...but the King is determined to work the fields himself.

Well, how's her boss think he's going
to get him to change his mind?

Heaven knows... short of bloodshed.

Of course, if someone should
assassinate the King---

What did you say?

- I said "if someone should assassinate the King".
- Assassinate the ruler...

...and the Akmata concession is yours.

Assassin... "ate the ruler and the Ak"... mata concession...

..."Ate the ruler and the Ak".

What are you raving about?

Sorry, John - I think I just solved a problem.

- Mr Weston.
- Miss Eckman

May I ask what guarantee we
have that your principal---

Is that the Weston on your board?

He sits on half a dozen boards. He's a very good man.

Well, he could soon be a very dead one.

Tell me - how can I... have a look
at this Eckman character?

Well, I should think the best way
is to look through the door.

As I've said before, gentlemen...

...the million pounds will only be payable if my principal
is successful in getting you what you want.

If he isn't, no fee.

Thank you. That is all I have to say today.

- When does the meeting break up?
- Oh, any time now.

- Can you get Weston in here?
- Well, I can try.

It only remains for me to thank Miss Eckman for
coming to us with this very interesting proposition.

And to say it will get all our attention...

...and we'll communicate with her when we
have reached a decision.

Will you excuse me?

[CHATTER]

Well, John? What's it all about?

Look, Weston - a little friendly advice:
stay clear of Eckman.

What?

If I were you, I'd choose my dinner companions
rather more carefully.

Uh, that is unless you want to wind up with
something more painful than indigestion.

What the deviI's he talking about?

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Taxi!

Oh, darling.

It's me.

You mustn't go to sleep, you know?

We've so much to talk about...

...and do!

- [GROANS]
- Oh!

I like you, you know? And I would much
rather be nice to you...

...but Eckman will be back soon...

...and she would be absolutely livid
if you haven't talked.

So be a good boy, please.

Tell me all about Carloggio and your uncle. Hmm?

Ahh! Oh!

[SEDUCTIVE MUSIC - TURNING TO SERIOUS]

That is a very untidy job, Penelope.

Very untidy. Has he talked yet?

He won't tell me anything.

Of course not. Now get dressed -
we have to leave.

Oh, what a shame.

- Just as we were getting to know each other.
- "Get dressed", I said, Penelope.

And I told you before, not to wear my negligee.

Oh! I didn't think you'd mind.

I do mind.

[MUMBLING]
Sorry.

[PERCUSSIVE BONGO MUSIC]

[MUMBLING]

Now you have to hurry it up.

We have one more job to do before
we catch the plane.

- And that is mine, too!
- Oh, sorry.

Penelope, one of these days your light-fingered
habits are going to get you into deep trouble.

Come on, now. Quick!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[GAGGED SHOUTS]

God help us!

Mmm!

I didn't know you went in for this kind of thing, Robert!

Mmm, mmmm!

Well, don't struggle - you'll choke yourself.

Mmm! Mm, mmm!

Oh, that's a nasty burn.

You really ought to learn how to control
your girlfriends, you know.

Well, that was my foot, you know?

Mmm! Mmmm! MMM!!!

- That's interesting.
- Mm! Mmmm!

- That's a time clock, you know?
- Mmm!!

Mmm!

Beautifully made, too.

[FEEBLE GROAN]

Now. Here, let's have this off you, hmm?

That's better.

I don't think I'll ever forgive you for that.

There's ingratitude for you.

- After I'd saved your life.
- You didn't.

I died back there at five seconds to zero.

Hmm. You don't look too good.

I'll drop you at the hospital and pick
you up in half an hour.

Where are you going?

To see a chap called Weston...

...before he gets himself killed.

- Mr Weston, please. It's very urgent.
- I'm sorry - Mr Weston's engaged.

- Oh! I say, that's very rude!
- Eckman!

[SOUND OF EXPLOSION]

[FIRE ALARM]

- No! Stay there!
- Oh..!

Is this the way out?
Y-yes.

You'd better call the police.

[FIRE ALARM AND CRYING]

By the time I'd got downstairs they'd
disappeared, of course.

Well, they're pretty smooth operators, that's for sure.

What happens now?

Well, bed for you... and you'd better tell me how
to get in touch with that friend of yours.

- Which friend?
- Banjo, or whatever you call him.

Pogo! What for?

Well, we can't have you gallivanting around the
Mediterranean looking like that.

You'll scare the girls to death.

Well, you can get in touch with him
through the Embassy.

- Which Embassy?
- Akmata.

Just say you have a message for King Fedra.

Pogo?

Well, that's what we called him at Princeton.

Tell me...

...where were you going to pick this yacht up?

A place called... er... Castellomale.

That's where Wyngarde was killed.

All right, my boy,

Castellomale it is.

Would you enter, please?

You are fortunate, sir.

Very, very, very fortunate.

We're very fortunate!

It was rented for three months...

...but the tenant had a slightly fatal accident.

Most unfortunate for him, but
most fortunate for you...

...because this desirable residence is now empty.

What about THAT desirable residence?

Ah! The Castello, huh? Magnifico!

It belonged to a Mr Petersen. Yes, Carl Petersen.

A very rich gentleman, with many beautiful things.

And the ladies. Hm. Mama mia!

The ladies!

Up there in the Castello, are the most
beautiful ladies I have ever seen.

But on to business.

You will see, we are furnished in the grand style.

Everything of the best - and almost new.

Now... oh!

Who did such a thing? And why?

Oh! No, no, no, no no! You can't stay here.

I, I will find something. Anywhere.

- But I like it here.
- No.

I want to stay here.

Molto buono.

Magnifico!

Now, you find somebody to... bring the bags up,
and somebody to clean up...

...and don't worry - I'm eminently satisfied.

Charming! Charming!

I'm glad we're... "eminently satisfied".

You recognise that?

Ooh! Vividly!

Penelope was here.

What were they looking for?

Well, if you'd stolen a very valuable tape recording...

...and when you played it there was a piece missing,,,

...you'd want to find that piece, wouldn't you?

Ah! "---ate the ruler and the Ak---".

Right!

- It's a grim-looking place, isn't it?
- Hmm, but interesting.

Boy, you bet! All those beautiful girls. Mmm!

No, but... whoever lives up there has been watching us
through a telescope ever since we got here.

[GENTLE MUSIC]

Hey! Robert!

[LAUGHTER]

Oh! On your feet, man - salaams are out of date!

[SHOUTING IN ITALIAN]

Ah! You remembered.

Well, welcome aboard "Mabrouk".

Well, this king business has really gone to your head.

Where's the harem?

Oh, I didn't think there was a need for that.

You didn't think what?

Well, we managed all right without a harem
in America, didn't we?

[LAUGHTER]

Yes we did, Pogo.

Oh, excuse me.

Pogo, this is my uncle: Hugh Drummond.

Hugh, Pogo.

How do you do, Mr Drummond?

Robert's told me a great deal about you.

Your company insures our new airline, doesn't it?

That's right, sir.

We've struck oil, Mr Drummond. A big field.

And all the oil companies in the world are
chasing after me for a deal.

But they're not going to get it.

Over my dead body.

Some people seem to be taking that last remark literally, sir.

You mean it don't you, Mr Drummond?

- Yes, I do.
- I suppose it's possible.

We Middle Eastern monarchs seem to
have a pretty precarious existence.

No point in shortening the odds, though.

No, there isn't.

- Are you talking generally, or in particular?
- In particular.

I see. When and where?

- I don't know that.
- Or how?

That I don't know either...

...but if past experience is anything to go by...

...it'll be a well-contrived accident.

[HAPPY MUSIC]

Good afternoon. Mr Drummond?

Yes.

Mr Carl Petersen would be honoured if you'd have dinner
with him at the castle this evening.

Seven thirty?

Tell Mr Petersen I'd be delighted.

What about Pogo's party?

Well, I'll have to give it a miss.

But you go.

And stick close to him, eh?

Huh, with his traveling companions that'll be a pleasure.

[BRASSY MUSIC, TURNING SEDUCTIVE]

- You're Robert Drummond, aren't you?
- I am.

We're friends of Pogo's - he's giving a party.

- He sent us both to fetch you.
- Did he now?

Hey, Hugh! I'm going to the party.

There, come on.

- Aren't you coming?
- No, I'm afraid not.

- Aww... please.
- No, I'll get my clothes wet!

Let's go.

[DOG BARKING]

[GATE CLANGS SHUT]

Welcome, Mr Drummond.

Domo arigato.

[JAPANESE DIALOGUE]

Mr Drummond is here.

[JAPANESE DIALOGUE]

Hello, Drummond.

I thought you'd never get here.

I would have been here sooner, but I stayed
in London for your cremation.

I'll return the compliment.

I'll make a point of going to yours.

Mitsouko says that you speak very good Japanese.

You're a man ofwide accomplishments, Drummond.

And so are you, it seems, Weston.

Ah, Petersen. Which is it?

Petersen.

Carl Petersen.

Weston's dead - long live Petersen, hmm?

By the way...

...who is dead?

That little man who worked for Wyngarde, Carloggio?

Mm-hm.

Your health, Drummond.

It had occurred to me, that I might not
be able to persuade you up here.

And then I reasoned...

...that your curiosity would probably get
the better of yourjudgement.

- Well, you were right.
- I usually am.

Doesn't it worry you that I might whip out
a gun and blow your block off?

No!

In the first place, there's too much
that you want to know...

...and in the second, you don't have a gun.

There's a metal detector, just inside the front door...

...which would have sounded an alarm
if you'd been armed.

And anyway...

...our sort don't carry guns!

We use this...

...to get what we want.

And, I assume, you have got what you want?

It is rather charming, isn't it?

Oh so cosy.

You must, er, allow me to show you the rest of it.

- You will stay for the weekend, of course.
- No.

I... haven't brought my pyjamas.

My dear fellow, everything in this house
is yours for the asking.

Isn't it, Anna?

Yours for the asking, Drummond.

Well, thanks a lot - but I prefer to roll my own.

[EFFETE LAUGHTER]

This is what I like to call my Operations Room.

It's the nerve centre of my organisation.

I have others, of course...

...but this is the one I choose to use at present.

Mr Petersen?

Yes, Magda.

The American stock has fallen two points.

Should we... start buying soon?

No, it'll drop another ten tonight...

...the president of the company is due to
commit suicide about now.

There's no better way of devaluing stock...

...than to have the president of the
company blow his brains out.

Or... crash his private aircraft.

Ah, Keller.

Phoenician wanted an oil concession,
I got it for them - that's all.

Would you like to lead the way?

[SHOUTS, GRUNTS]

Beauty and the beast, what?

Oohh!

You've met Grace, of course?

She's one of our new girls.

There are certain things they have to learn
before I send them out to work.

Chang, there, teaches them self-defence.

Chang?

Come and shake hands with Mr Drummond.

[GRUNTS AND FIGHT NOISES]

Sorry if I upset the hired hand.

Even bad help... is hard to come by these days.

Dinner in half an hour, Chang.

You'll join us, my dear?

We must arrange a proper match between
you and Chang some day...

...he's a black belt, you know?

Mm. Well, you'd better to tell him to use it
to keep his pants up with, then.

[LAUGHTER]

Interestingly lethal collection.

Like the young women you seem to have around here.

[LAUGHTER]

My operations cover a wide sphere.
In Japan I use Mitsouko.

Tania and Remy are in Brazil, just now.

Gerda's in Germany.

And Anna, here, looks after India.

It really becomes quite difficult to keep
track of them all, sometimes.

Mm, but you manage.

[LAUGHTER]

I can't tell you what a pleasure it is,
to have someone to talk to again.

Someone outside my own circle, that is.

Your friend Wyngarde was the last.

Capital chess player.

- Very intelligent man.
- Not intelligent enough, though.

Oh, on the contrary...

...like yourself: too intelligent.

He became inquisitive.

- Irritating.
- Well, it was a nuisance, you know?

But then it brought you here, so it
has its compensations.

Ah! My dears.

Mr Drummond, Miss Eckman.

How do you do?

- And our little Penelope.
- Hello.

Hm. Our little Penelope has already made
contact with my nephew.

Such a handsome young man.

Yes, you made quite an impression on him, too.

Really?

[COUGH]

[LAUGHTER]

You see, Drummond, in big business...

...huge sums of money depend on the ability of one man.

Competitors fight in every way they
know to bring that man down.

They employ complicated and expensive methods.

Stock deals; market rigging; price cutting.

It never entered anyone's head...

...that there was a far simpler way... of
getting what one wanted.

Until you came along.

My method is simplicity itself.

If a man stands in your way...

...dispose of that man.

And how do you propose to "dispose" of King Fedra?

An accident, of course.

Shipboard explosion, all hands lost at sea...

...splendid obituaries in The Times...

...and I... shall be a million pounds the richer.

- Eckman?
- Yes, Carl?

Now, Mr Drummond, we must make sure that
nobody expects you home this evening.

Magda?

Yes, Miss Eckman?

Mr Drummond would like to speak to his
nephew aboard the royal yacht.

Yes, Miss Eckman.

Make the call as simple as possible.
We can cut it off from here.

Mr Robert Drummond is waiting.

- Hello, Robert.
- Hi.

- Enjoying yourself?
- Oh, yeah, swinging.

- Where are you speaking from?
- I'm up at the castle.

- I've been invited to spend the weekend.
- Oh?

- Is everything all right, then?
- Oh, fine.

Well, I think Pogo'll probably be upset.
He took quite a shine to you.

Oh, well, people sometimes do.

Take care of yourself.

Hello?

Hugh?

- Chang? Offer Mr Drummond a cigar.
- Oh, let me.

Mm, Corona Corona.

No, I don't think I will.

My friends tell me they're not very
good for your health.

[LAUGHTER]

I do like a man who can retain his
sense of humour.

- It is rather comical, isn't it?
- What is?

I mean, the whole thing.

The girls.

The castle. Fu Manchu over there.

Even you, I suppose.

My dears...

...Mr Drummond is trying to provoke me.

He can provoke me...

...anytime.

You always did have the morals of
an alley cat, Penelope.

- Just because I like men?
- No, dear. You like anything...

...just as long as it isn't yours.

I LIKE WHAT I...

[LOUD BANG]

What exactly is it...

...that you find so amusing?

Well, the whole thing's so theatrical, isn't it?

I mean, I grant the... girls have got some
conceivable purpose, but...

...what about old fatso over there?
What's he for?

I advise you to be careful, Drummond.

Chang's English is very good.

Well, it's more than I can say about his butling.

He slops coffee in the saucer and
he's... as ugly as sin....

...and his breath smells like the
bottom of a parrot cage.

No, Chang!

I don't know what you hope to achieve by this,
Drummond, but I advise you to stop it.

No, Carl dear.

Let him go on. It... should be rather amusing.

And what about that ridiculous sword thing?

What's that for?

Picking those rotting teeth with?

[YELLING AND FIGHT SOUNDS]

Round one to you.

The next is mine, I think.

If they start letting fly with those things...

...we'll all end up spattered over
the furniture, Petersen.

Now, you don't honestly think that you can fight
your way out of here armed with just that?

I can make an impressive dent in your skull trying.

I don't advise it.

[DEEP BREATH]

Always ready to take advice.

A sensible decision.

And now...

...before tempers get frayed...

I think we all should be thinking of bed.

- I know someone who already is.
- Miss Eckman...

...will see you to your room.

Goodnight, Carl.

[SHOUT]

Next time you're in London, allow me to
recommend you to a good dentist, eh?

Phew!

Bit warm for you, is it? Shall I open the window?

- Oh, I wouldn't do that. It's electrified.
- Really?

Good heavens! You're absolutely right, it's most kind of
you to have mentioned it, Miss Eckman.

Well, I didn't want you to get killed...

...at least, not yet.

You're saving me for some... wild
little torture of your own, huh?

Tut tut tut. Not torture...

...I'm just rather... soft-hearted.

And I want you to die happy.

Huh?

- Do you mind?
- No, not at all.

The, er, condemned man is going to have
a hearty breakfast, is he?

Well, I doubt very much whether
you'll be with us by breakfast.

But, umm...

...could you pour me a glass of champagne, please?

All right.

Thank you.

Hmm.

That nasty boyfriend of yours has
got expensive tastes.

Why not?

He's not short of other people's money.

And besides...

...this nasty boyfriend of mine...

...likes only the best.

Don't you?

Do you, umm...

...find me attractive?

Do you like my body?

Well, it's...

...not bad.

A little bit muscular perhaps, but then you've got to
expect that with the violent sort of exercise you take.

To your health.

Well, I don't know if that's quite the appropriate
toast, under the circumstances.

Unless..?

Miss...

- ...Eckman.
- Yes?

Come and sit on the bed.

And let's have a friendly chat.

Can you help me to get out of here?

Hmm?

But I couldn't possibly.

- Carl would kill me.
- Never.

What if I was here to protect you?

Think of the wonderful times we could
have together, Miss Eckman.

Um... darling.

By the way...

...what is your first name?

Irma.

Mmm - that's an absolutely... super name.

- Would you really take care of me?
- Day and night.

Especially at night.

After all - you'd have saved my life.

Can you promise that...

...everything will work out all right?

Well, we can but try.

How do you think we can do it?

I'll tell you that later.

Now, don't talk any more, and...

...kiss me.

- You know, this is ridiculous.
- What are you talking about?

Hm?

Well, with you - I'd never know whether
I was going to fall...

...from a high building or...

...get beaten up by six or seven thugs...

...or have my head blown off by a Corona Corona.

You don't trust me, hmm?

Sweetheart, I trust you...

...about as much as a bad-tempered scorpion.

So you'd better run and tell your boyfriend
that though I enjoyed his dinner...

...I really couldn't face the dessert.

[SLAP, SLAP, SPIT]

You are unnatural!

Hey!

You forgot your pants.

- Carl!
- Hello, dear. Didn't he succumb?

I want to kill him, Carl. Please!

So you shall, dear. When I say so.

This man is utterly and completely---

Hello.

Anything good on the telly?

Oh!

You've got to admit...

...he's a dish.

This is MY lighter.

- Is it?
- Carl!

I'm sick and tired of having her pick up
everything that takes her fancy.

Now, would you please tell this little---

Now, just look at that.

I've got to talk to you. Please,
you must listen to me.

- All right.
- I can't take any more of this.

Well, you should've thought of that
before you came here.

I didn't volunteer.

My father was a chemist.

Petersen tricked him - used him in a dope deal.

And if you hadn't come here?

Petersen would have had him sent
to prison, is that it?

- Not any more.
- Why?

My father died two weeks ago.

He killed himself.

Can you phone out of here, to my nephew?

No. Only Eckman and Petersen can use the phone.

Better leave it with me.

And you'd better get out of here, before they miss you.

Our problem has always been...

...to get close enough to the King...

...so that the bomb we use is 100% effective.

But with this new plastic explosive...

...a few ounces ofwhich could blow up this whole building...

...and with Grace...

...we have the solution.

[GASP]

I don't like changing plans.

But this---

Meet me in the laboratory in half an hour.

This needs a woman's touch.

All right.

Me too?

You make sure that Mr Drummond gets a good night's sleep.

The treatment?

The treatment.

[SLOW, DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[SEDUCTIVE MUSIC]

Poor Hugh.

Good morning, Drummond.

Have a good night?

It was... a knockout.

[EFFETE LAUGH]

I debated whether I should allow you to awake at all.

But, like all artists, I work better when there's
someone to appreciate what I'm doing.

- May I?
- Of course.

Your nephew seems to be enjoying himself.

Hmm. He has a great capacity for self-indulgence.

Unlike you, he'll grow out of it.

I doubt if he'll have the time.

Now, how about a game of chess while we're waiting?

What are we waiting for?

Twelve o'clock.

That's when, for the want... of a better expression...

...the balloon goes up.

One for me...

...one for you.

I'll set the board.

Black and white to opening positions.

[ELECTRONIC WHINE]

The age of computers, Drummond.

[MECHANICAL BANGING]

Congratulations.

Courtesy of a shipping company that
failed when its chairman died.

Lost at sea, no doubt.

Precisely.

Now, if you'd like to take white
and open the game?

Just tell the computer the move you want
to make and it will do the rest.

King's Pawn to King Four.

[MECHANICAL WHIRRING, BLEEP]

King's Pawn Gambit, Orthodox Reply.

King's Pawn to King Four.

King's Knight to King's Bishop Three.

- Where are your two little charmers this morning?
- In the village.

Queen's Knight to Queen's Bishop Three.

Grace is with them.

She has the place of honour in this morning's business.

That surprises you, after last night's cosy
little scene in the bathroom?

If it's any consolation to you, she meant what she said.

She's taking part in today's events...

...without her knowledge.

King's Knight to King's Bishop Three.

Doesn't it worry you that she might
object when she finds out?

When she finds out - it'll be too late.

She won't be there any more.

Neither will King Fedra, nor the yacht.

Nor, I'm sorry to say, your beloved nephew.

Just a great big hole in the water.

I gather that Grace is carrying the bomb, then?

My dear Drummond...

...Grace IS the bomb.

Mmm! I've always wanted a yacht like that.

Seems a pity to blow it up, doesn't it?

If we don't get moving soon...

...it won't be blown up.

That's right.

Now, Grace...

...you're a very lucky girl, you know?

Mr Petersen doesn't usually give anyone
a second chance, so...

...try to earn it.

Penelope and I are going to arrange
about the explosives.

And you stay here and watch the yacht. All right?

That's mine!

I meant what I said, darling, so...

...don't get any ideas about taking a walk, eh?

Is that clear?

All right. Come on.

How can you be sure she will run?

She'll run - just as soon as she thinks we're
far enough away, don't you worry.

- Oh, beautiful.
- Yes, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

- I'm sorry miss, you cannot go aboard.
- I must.

- I'm sorry, but---
- I've got to see King Fedra or Robert Drummond.

It's impossible.

[GRUNTS AND GROANS]

[SPEAKS IN AKMATIAN]

Friend of yours?

Well, not yet, but... I'm sure we
can work out something.

I've got to speak to you both. It's about your uncle.

Hello!

[BUZZER]

Everybody's safely aboard.

Drummond - come in here a minute, will you?

The fuse has been successfully lit.

Interesting to speculate...

...just where on her person you could
possibly have hidden the bomb.

Now, isn't itjust!

Your move, I think.

It sounds a bit far-fetched to me.

Of course it's true - every word of it.

Eckman and Penelope are arranging
about the bomb right now.

You've no idea what sort of a bomb?

They wouldn't tell me.

Let's assume, for a moment, what she says is true.

The question is: what do we do?

Get the hell out of here - before they come back!

Right. Captain!

- See you around, I hope.
- Hey!

Where are you going?

Well, as long as we're believing her, I'd better
get up to the castle and lend a hand.

He strikes me as being extremely capable.

Helpless as a babe without me around.

[QUIET LAUGH]

[SHOUTS IN AKMATIAN]

They'll keep you from being lonely.

Well, what about you?

You must be joking?!

Tell me...

...How do you plan to dispose of me?

Oh, an underwater swim...

...Eckman, Penelope and you.

The only trouble is that you've forgotten
to check your air tanks.

King's Bishop Pawn to King's Bishop Three.

Come on, Drummond - it's your move.

Hmm?

I said it was your move.

Then I'd better make it!

[CRASH]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[GUNSHOT AND SCREAMS]

Standard gambit: eliminate your opponent's Knight.

Your move, Petersen.

Black Queen's Knight is taken.

[TWO GUN SHOTS]

[GUN SHOT]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

White Queen's Bishop to Queen Two.

White King's Bishop's Pawn...

...to King's Bishop Three.

[GUN SHOT]

That's six, Petersen - you only get seven with a Beretta.

[GUN SHOT]

Black King's Bishop's Pawn to...

...King's Bishop Four.

[MACHINE GUN FIRE; SCREAM]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Black Queen's Pawn to Queen Six.

[METAL CLANKING]

Black Queen to King Four.

White Castle to King Four.

Black King to King Four.

No..!!

[SCREAMS]

Checkmate!

[GONG]

[MACHINE GUN FIRE]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Is this a private party, or can anyone join in?

Be my guest!

Well, what shall I do with her?

Nasty little girl.

Down the black hole.

[GIRL SHOUTING]

Give me a hand with this Bishop.

It's heavy.

Well, that ought to keep the little
darlings quiet for a while.

Well, I'm glad to see that Grace and
the King are hitting it off.

It must be her explosive personality.

What's the time?

Five to twelve.

We've got five minutes.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

- Oh!
- Ah!

Ah! Ahh!

- Oh!
- Hey, hey.

Oh! Ah!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Where is it?

Come on!

Come on, get going!

Cover them.

What's all this about, Mr Drummond?

This girl is due to blow up in about two minutes.

So where is it?

Ahh! I don't know.

Honestly.

I do...

...lover!

You won't get anything out of her.
Here, catch this.

Give me the other one.

No time for modesty.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

The women - they've got away!

We'll worry about them later.

Sorry about this - hope you can swim.

One, two, three...

...and up she goes.

- And up she goes!
- Ha, ha!

lncidentally, where was it?

In her chignon.

Chignon?

Well, you know - her false hair piece up there.

Clever, wasn't it?

It couldn't be!

It was nicer than mine... so I changed them over.

Where is it now?

- I'm wearing it!
- You're what?!

[BOOM]

That's what comes of letting success go to your head.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Help! Help! Help!

- I'll go.
- No, I'll go.

Help!

[END THEME: "DEADLIER THAN THE MALE"]