Original subtitles

Nothing like being indoors.

What? Are you saying this wasn't my greatest idea?

Open up, let us inside!

He hasn't gone inside either. - Who?

Over there.

Oh, Roberto's only interested in cars.

Want to bet that I'll have him one day? You'd be surprised.

Poor Irene. You shouldn't overestimate.

The day is long, boys are no problem for me.

I'll get under his hood.

In you go!

Help, my dog has fallen in the water, he can't swim!

He's drowning. Help! Save him!

Quickly, Irene's dog is in the water. Won't you help.

Why me?

It's your duty if there aren't any lifeguards. Come on!

There, he's already gone under.

Who's gone? The lifeguard?

There. Now jump.

That's a dog!

Boy, come back soon!

Ah, the man from Tangiers.

There's Erja. What did you do? Did you fall into the water?

The mud-eater!

Are you wet?

I'm really sorry about that.

At that time I found a thoroughbred sports car or a fast boat

far more exciting than a girl.

But the water seemed to have a special effect on me.

Even when I was born it had poured with rain.

I had to hurry. As a poor student I owed it to my dead father

to not be late. Because of debt Dad had

sold his splendid villa to became a Boarding School.

They had agreed to let me stay there.

Ahh look, here's Roberto Monti.

"Quousque tandem" I'm sure you know the quote

"abutere fili patientia nostra."

Can you still not get used to our house rules?

You've been here for 10 years. And for 10 years we've eaten by 7.

It is already 8, I'm sorry you'll have nothing to eat.

But no, dear, at his age he can't go to bed without supper

He is still growing.

You can eat with us. Get dressed, my boy.

Thank you.

My love, you're always too lenient. You know what it costs us.

We haven't charged him for 10 years. And for what?

The more he grows, the more he eats. And all for free!

That's true, but at least you purchased this house for a song

shortly before his father died. Do not forget that.

He couldn't thank me enough, he was completely in debt.

And you agreed to give Roberto a home

until he comes of age.

Yes, but on one condition: that he behaved.

Pretty soon I'll have had enough.

The moon is shining so beautifully today. - But that's always the case.

Roberto.

Roberto does the moon make you so sad?

Possibly.

Slowly, slowly, eat it properly. "Prima digestio fit in ore."

The digestive process begins in the mouth.

The wisdom of the old Latin masters.

Et supra nos Fortuna negotia Fit curat:

Quare da nobis vina Valerna pua.

Petronis abita. - Translation.

Therefore, grace .. Uh .. wine of Valerna give us.

Give me some wine. - Oh, sorry.

No one knew that I was plagued by a certain restlessness.

I kept trying to take off my wet shoes.

It was my only pair.

The only concern of my Director, however, was that

I might eat him out of his home.

The boy shouldn't drink wine.

Is that from the old school of the Latin masters?

Oh, it from my school. The school "Villa Monti".

No, that's not for you, it'll upset your stomach tonight.

It won't hurt him?

He is still young, he needs strength. - I don't?

Please, no discussions, he gets that plate.

Unlike her husband the headmaster's wife was always good to me.

In her eyes was a spark, which I didn't recognise.

Ahh yes, one should always rest after eating.

What is this? Is this the product of the education

you have received in my home? Where are your shoes?

I want an explanation.

Angelina, we have no water!

Yes, yes, don't be so loud.

Who was that? Cut that out!

Behave decently!

Stop it! Help!

For the last time - let me go! Help!

Roberto, please help me!

Roberto, thank God you're here.

The boys have thrown soap at me - But Angelina ...

I'm all wet. - Thanks anyway.

Silence! Who started it?

Tell me! Was it you?

You know who you are? Coward!

Who was that?

You?

Was it you? - No.

Or you? - No.

Ovid. The love of art.

And the left hand ...

The left is ...

is ...

is not lazy on the bed ...

No. Oh no.

I can't let myself do it. Give me strength!

Give me the strength to not do it.

No. I won't do it.

Oh, Roberto.

I'll tell you this: you can't do without me, Roberto.

What do you think you're doing? What have I done?

Angelina! Angeli ...

Do you know where ...

Come on, wake up.

What I would do to you.

Please after you.

Angelina!

Angelina!

Angelina!

Mr. Ward you called! - Are you unwell?

Oh, er, I mean, I thought ... I wanted a coffee.

If I could just get one. But I shouldn't.

Faster!

Faster!

This is boring!

I'm about to fall asleep!

Is that all you have to offer? I could go this fast on dry land.

Yes, well, then! Why not now?

My pocket money was tight.

Like the swimsuits of the girls at the beach.

For this reason, I took a job as a motor boat driver

for water skiing trips.

I loved the powerful engines

and it was a wonderful feeling to control them.

The water was still my fate.

What are you doing now? Why stop? Are you crazy?

I'm not tall enough.

You're a fine gentleman. Are you not going to help me?

I'm drowning here.

I don't know what's going on. I think the fuel line is broken.

I'll fall back in soon. - I can't be responsible for that.

Let go.

Angry? - That was nonsense.

What is the matter with the boat? Surely it has an engine?

Not a working one, and I can't fix it without some tools.

Then think of something else.

All I can see is black.

Do you only care about engines?

Women are apparently as interesting as air to you.

Women?

The only female I see is a little girl of ... 13?

15, if you please. And 16 in four months

Congratulations, you've been well maintained.

To me you look 13.

Old grandpa!

Can you fix it? - Doesn't look good.

You seem a real expert with engines? Or?

Have you hurt yourself? - No.

But now I'm really seeing black.

Come over here.

Thank you.

What's in there? Let's have a look?

What's up with you? Is there a wire inside?

I've told you before, you know nothing about women.

That's outrageous. I need no wire.

Don't lie. There's always wire in those things I've heard.

You should be ashamed!

I don't think you get it, we're in trouble.

We have to go home, you know?

There must be another way out?

Yes! One of us swims ashore for a piece of wire.

Well I'm not, so off you go.

Yes, very good, but we're 10km away.

It'll be dark by the time I'm back.

Well, if I have to, turn around!

Here.

The wrench!

The wrench.

Well, let's have a look. - What are you trying to look at?

Whether it starts.

Stay back there, OK. I can press the starter myself.

I'll stay here.

OK, press the red button.

Ciao!

My wire assistant got me in trouble again.

This girl Irene showed me how little I understood of women.

Again, I swam.

I'm cold!

Here!

The engine was another piece of bad luck.

It was clear that I was too late, like yesterday

and the school trip had gone without me.

Although no one was in sight, I had a bad feeling.

I had no idea what was to happen this sultry summer day.

Roberto? Roberto!

Come here at once! - The scooter?

Roberto! - I can't now, really!

Come here!

Why aren't you on the school trip?

Can I take up that box for you?

Bring the TV up to my bedroom, alright?

Yes, happily Madame.

be careful, don't rush things.

Don't worry. - We need a lift in this house.

You don't feel this oppressive heat, Roberto?

You look overloaded. One should avoid physical strain.

Isn't that so?

Ah, the stairs can really tire you out. Don't you find that?

Today it is particularly bad.

Do you know what the Japanese always do? - No.

The Japanese drink hot tea on days like this.

Do you like Beethoven? I find him too heavy.

Where shall we put the idiot box?

I don't know. No. No, it doesn't work there either.

Over here!

No. And not there as that's where the pot is.

No, no, no, not there either. Watch where you're going!

My husband is against watching the TV anyway.

We have it only because of my mother in law.

So, let's put it here.

Put it down.

Here's good. Thank you.

That was good work.

Yes, you're sweating, you're all wet?

Oh, how beautifully brown you are, Roberto.

There are women who have a weakness for tanned men.

Really. Really.

As it is, you don't want to shower? A hot shower?

Is that a Japanese custom? - No, this is mine.

But I've already bathed.

So pay atttention, I'll show you again.

The soap under the shower and then target the enemy. Ping!

I must try again!

Missed on purpose! - You need a strong push!

Great, that was it!

You can't do that with me!

Oh, I'm getting dizzy.

At last on this sultry afternoon I had recognized,

that the highlights of my life were connected with the wet element.

Roberto, you've got me totally confused.

Why?

Yes, you know, you have to understand, you shouldn't have done that to me.

I'm so terribly sad.

I'm not. I enjoyed it, I discovered something wonderful this afternoon.

What? - Freedom.

Adieu!

Adieu!

Take me with you! For ever shall thy fate be my fate, my love.

Roberto Monti!

Yes, sir?

Remember my words, Roberto! You'll end up in the gutter!

Ha!

Based on the great advice of my headmaster

I decided to start right at the bottom.

He who wants to sell cars, must also know how to deal with them.

To be as close as possible to those high-speed toys

I worked at a gas station.

So, that was a wash and a grease

Thank you.

Out of my grease pit I looked hopefully to the future.

Heads up!

Have you gone crazy? You almost killed him!

I am one of the best brakers in the world. Hey, gas station attendant!

Your manners are appaling. - Well, are you coming soon?

Straight away. - Look, he is still alive.

Oil change, young man! But pronto! We're in a big hurry.

One moment!

I need to pay, my dear.

May I apologize for the gentleman.

Renzino considers himself a brilliant driver.

He runs like a burnt pig! - That's telling him.

Everything's OK now?

My head is still here. Don't mention it.

Anyway.

I don't understand. If I worked here

I wouldn't last a minute in this the stench.

If you want to get out of here, just get in touch.

I make you the second Lollobrigida with that figure.

I'm the owner!

The owner are you?

Annoying. I can only congratulate you.

I find it amazing how the modern woman is her own husband. Impressive!

After all, we live in the age of the Moon rocket, this must not be underestimated.

Not to mention other technical advances, you understand.

We should work together. - What?

I mean of course a business partnership.

That would be a great thing. - Thanks, I can manage alone.

Too bad we were a good team.

This is really rare. What you've told me about carburetors,

is completely new to me. I didn't know it.

I have to say it's really impressive.

I'm particularly interested in the carburetors of sports cars.

Practical learning is the best way, look at as many as you can.

So far it's only from books. - That can change.

Do you think so? - You are out of place here.

It's kids work. So if you ever want to get out of here

then all you have to do is contact me.

Please, call on me sometimes

and we'll talk at our leisure about the carburetor and other details.

I'll give you my phone number.

Sorry, my darling, it took a bit longer than I thought.

Give him a tip.

Well, get on with it. - How much?

All of it, of course.

Good morning.

I called. I wanted to see Monica.

Oh yes, I can see that. I'm Andrea.

There's such a draft when the door is open, come in.

That's better, Roberto. I'm so sensitive to cold.

But it's about 40 degrees in here.

I need the heat from time-to-time.

I'm having a sauna.

For me, there's nothing like a home sauna.

I am a qualified beautician. Let's look at you, little Roberto.

I heard you are a car nut. Perhaps even obsessed.

Yes, that's right.

Then you are very dangerous for my girlfriend Monica.

By the way, Monica is shopping, but I'm sure she'll be back any moment

Now sit pretty.

Relax, don't strain yourself.

Do you think I'm too fat?

I do everything to maintain my weight.

I try to weigh the same each time.

Exactly right. Now I'm going to change.

No need to get up. And turn off the lights when you want.

You can also put some music on, it's relaxing.

I can't find any records.

They're in the fridge, over there on the wall.

When I do home sauna the records get warped.

I think the records are OK.

Put one on, I need to do my make-up.

Just a few bits.

So now I'm here for you.

May I manicure your hands?

Sit down.

You should be ashamed! - I have not done anything yet.

I never understand why men think only of the same thing.

You should be ashamed with such beautiful hands

to be walking around with unkempt nails.

I'm a car mechanic.

Everyone doesn't have to know.

I, for example, have a builder amongst my customers.

Social staus has nothing to do with it.

Nails must be maintained, the job doesn't matter.

Oh, that was just the small membrane.

This is just a bit of alcohol, it prevents premature aging

which you need to do.

Does my massage not feel great?

I work all day, is a massage really necessary.

I can feel here that you definitely need it

It's so hot in here.

Who have you got on the mattress?

Ah, it's you, Roberto, fallen into her hands.

Well, you've already got to know each other.

How do you like your massage. - Exhausting.

Shall I give you one?

Thank you.

I have rarely in life felt as good as I do today.

I fell out with Renzino.

Good. You'll have some time to yourself, then he'll come running back.

If you're ready? - Well, enough for today.

Tell me, what was it?

The idiot didn't want to do it again. I'm going tomorrow to the big rally

and when I asked him if he wanted to come along, he said no, as always,

the cowardly dog. But you can never enjoy yourself alone.

You are phenomenal.

And if you tear the belt, then it comes down too?

Of course.

What's that?

Fruit salad, I made it myself.

I'm a genius in the kitchen too. I need to speak to you again.

Listen carefully. When you gave me Renzino he was already used,

the boy you'll kindly leave to me.

Renzino you can have but the boys mine.

It's not fair, I've already put in so much time.

I have done his nails and given him at least a 3/4 hour massage.

And he's taught me so many new things about the carburetor,

I could cry out of sheer enthusiasm.

All right, then we will just fight for the boy.

Please, I'm ready.

Take your lover back, Monica.

Kisses.

You? What are you doing here?

Washed the car again? It was still quite clean?

I can hear that the ladies are taking their early morning exercise.

They only do it because of me. Is that not touching? Both want me.

Well?

Hello, children! I have brought something.

Watch it, will you? Not so hard! Don't hurt yourselves, finish it up.

Well, what's it to be? Surrender? - Yes, yes.

Congratulations! You were great.

Come on, Roberto, I've won. You are mine now.

Allow me, in all modesty, some flowers for you.

For me, Renzino? How charming.

You know, I've always had a soft spot for you.

I need you. - I can see you do.

Monica kept her promise.

She showed me her new sports car and I asked a few questions

which could be answered orally.

Outside it was raining again.

And Monica was fascinated by the technical details, with great passion.

I almost took her breath away.

What's up?

This is the Rally Monte Carlo. I registered you as a passenger.

Fabulous, smoke up ahead. - Why fabulous?

You! - Stop, stop!

Do you have a fire extinguisher? We've got a carburetor fire.

Thank you, very sporting! - Please! Good luck!

You really handled that smoke! - I'm very clever.

The fire extinguisher is filled with gasoline.

Well, looks like this idiot has been missing me.

Who?

Well, the Count of Marcetti Manca.

Say, are you mad?

I've never driven as naturally as today.

The Count is an old rival of mine. But so far I've always won.

Monica was a great female driver. She dominated the vehicle completely.

She drove like a woman possessed. In her eyes I saw the same spark

that was in the headmaster's wife's.

There he is again, that cursed Marcetti.

What? Are you scared? - No, no.

Faster! Don't fall asleep! - The bend's coming up!.

Pull yourself together! I'll pump the gas! Come on, faster!

Damn! Why have you pulled the thing right out?

What's wrong with you, it's the best thing that could happen.

Ah, here he comes roaring in, this stupid idiot.

Look, he wants to overtake on full power.

The Rally of Monte Carlo has only one winner, and that's me!

You should know that, you old rogue!

Don't let him pass. Throw things out.

You be the eyes. Get lost Marcetti Manca!

I can only laugh out loud!

What a dandy!

I'll show this rake!

I have to throw out even more!

You just want to trick me? You'll probably spin out!

I will stop at nothing!

Come on, your turn now! Come on, take off your shirt!

All ballast has to go. But hold on to the wheel!

I'll not disturb you!

I must give everything. The main thing is that we win.

Give me your pants, quickly!

No! I can't ride naked over the finish line!

I've can take off something else.

Hey!

Thank you!

This petite person has beaten all the male competitors.

Thanks a lot!

My heartiest congratulations!

You have to be incredibly exhausted, madam.

Have you suffered from the heat much?

Did you make your helmet and that specially large outfit that you're wearing?

Please tell us!

Thank you. It went better than I thought.

We were a good team. The fact however, that in the next race

she wanted to drive a rocket car forced me to think of my life

and give up racing with her.

Thank you for this very warm welcome.

I've already won many times in my life, even the Grand Prix of Beijing.

But today I owe it all to Roberto Monti.

We are a great team.

We were.

Hey! Excuse me, can you perhaps tell me

where I can find a new waterski instructor?

Oh yes. The waterski instructor is dead, now he sells Cadillacs.

You mean that? Isn't it ready to be scrapped?

Listen, this is a Cadillac El Dorado. It's for Margaret Joyce.

For the movie star?

Yes I'm just about to take it to her.

Too bad I can't leave, we're doing a sponsored dance.

And the winner is whoever dances the longest without stopping.

Of course, I understand. Ciao! - Ciao!

Hey! Hey, you! Do you want to marry me?

This is a unique opportunity!

Terribly sorry, my Child, but it's my choice

and getting married is the only thing I will never do. Never, never, never!

As you wish. But one day you will regret it.

Well, what have you achieved?

Quite a lot, he said no. - I knew that.

Are you crazy? Everyone's cheating but me.

And what's this? There's a card missing.

Well, if you say so.

Now it's crunch time.

Too bad, the phone again.

Yes, the villa of Madame Joyce.

I vaguely remember. Of course!

Yes, but it's not OK. No, Madame's producer is here,

about her next movie, OK?

Yes, it's concerns a lot of money, right? What's that?

Well, perhaps, maybe a few ...

10 or 15 minutes. Wait that's not OK?

Yes. Yes, goodbye, my friend, goodbye.

Yes, that was ... ah, Sorry. He's coming immeditely.

Who is?

Well, the guy that won, the winner that is, the winner.

Don't you understand yet? The winner of the competition.

A whole night with Margaret Joyce.

If only he knew, poor man.

Stop it! Sit down and play! - Oh, yes.

What, are you folding? I was bluffing.

Swine! - Poetry in motion.

Thank you, sweetheart. You recognized it.

What a shit job! Well then, let him a look. - Hello! Come, quick!

Good day, good day! Come along. Oh you see these they are very nice.

Come along. Poor Margaret was crying, you know?

Oh well, competition can be terrible.

I hope you like it at least. - Oh yes, of course! Very much!

Oh, I've not said it yet. I mean, I hope you like it with Margaret.

With you, OK? I mean us. With us, with us.

Listen, come here. I'll show you what, what has never been seen by a human being.

Margaret has a very private manner. Go there. So, very intimate, very intimate.

Funny, here it is, she's a very simple woman.

She wants to cook, have children.

Baking. Please, go on!

Don't be shy.

Come on, you may kiss my hand.

Kiss, you know how.

Talk to me a bit. Sit at my feet.

Confortable? - Very comfortable, thank you.

Behind you is Champagne. Do you like it dry or semi dry?

I don't really know. I think it's all good. What's this one?

Young man, are you happy? Is this fulfilling a life's dream,

drinking champagne with Margaret Joyce?

Give it here, my boy!

Oh no, no, no glass.

On my legs. I am very sensitive to anything that sparkles.

It must, of course, be the correct vintage.

Enough! Enough already! Delightful, that you understand my humor.

And now tell me, my friend, have you any special wishes for me?

No, I'm the other way around.

Do you have any particular wishes? I'll take my lead from you.

Yes, yes, I know. - Yes, but I thought ...

Can I take you out somewhere? - Go out somewhere?

But why do you not want to stay here? It's so comfortable.

Yes yes, I think so too. I just thought ...

But you're not here to think.

Would you mind if we now let the small wild beasts loose?

Do we want to do that? - What? The wild beasts?

Yes. I think the Asian lions.

They've waited for so long that they deserve to have some time out.

You don't see any fun in that?

I'm not sure. I think I must go now. Thank you very much.

But no, stay! Call me Margie.

Oh, thank you, this is very nice. My name is Roberto.

But I beg you, that's all unimportant. Come on, here we go.

Come on in, boys!

Come! Come!

Margie, let yourself go! - Can you swim?

Come over here! - A bit higher.

The boys knew their craft. They clicked and flashed.

Margaret forgot everything and thought only of the publicity.

I saw how Margaret was once again photogrpahed as naked

as possible for the readers of certain magazines.

That's enough!

Margie! Margie!

The is a glorious mess! Look here!

Who is that?

The real winner of the competition is here.

The other is a fraud.

No, really? Throw the guy out, I'm not a charitable institution.

You're not serious.

I have to start all over again?

Yes, what can we do? He'll go to the newspapers,

that'll cause a massive scandal.

Congratulations, so you are the lucky winner.

A night was naturally just a little joke.

A joke, you know? I don't have time for such a thing.

I am entitled to a night with Margaret Joyce.

He also stutters. - Yes, especially when he speaks.

The whole thing is just an advertising ploy. It's so common.

By the way, you're not photogenic.

It says here that I am entitled.

We'll give you compensation of $50.

Yes, thanks, but I want ...

$50 and a quick little look.

Thanks, but I am entitled to ...

Or perhaps I should get the police involved?

No, no, I beg you, read, you can read it here ...

Show me that a moment.

Aha. What time was the meeting with me agreed for?

At eight ... - For when, Marcel?

Eighteen hundred hours. - And what time is it now, Marcel?

18:30.

But there was so much traffic.

How dare you be late for Margaret Joyce? Unbelievable.

To turn up half an hour late to this woman?

With traffic as your only excuse?

People have been arriving here since dawn.

No, now we are angry. Get out.

Perhaps he's an idiot. The face, at the front, he has that...

At least a kiss.

Marcel, you do it please. - What, me?

Yes, come on, kiss him.

So, there you have a kiss from Margaret Joyce.

Why did you do that? - What?

What were you thinking? Why didn't you tell me

that you're not the winner of the competition.

Sorry, I do not know what you want from me.

A night with Margaret Joyce.

I was sent here as a driver.

My father was a driver too.

You don't say.

Yes, a taxi driver.

Although maybe he was something else. Perhaps he was a minister.

Betty! - What is Margaret?

What was my father? A minister or a taxi driver?

A Methodist pastor in Alabama. A man without racial prejudice.

A man of immense loyalty.

Oh no, I mean my actual father. What was he really?

A taxi driver.

Well then, I guessed right.

This showed a private part of Marjie.

She had a had a leisurely dinner with me.

At first she had put on airs and graces, now she

showed her human side.

After the hurly burly of the reporters we had earned a rest.

I was intrigued by what I saw and by her charm.

Brush! Brush!

Brush please.

Whisky.

Do you know that delicious feeling? - What feeling?

Whiskey on the tongue and water on the skin.

It makes me crazy.

Towel.

Whisky! - Immediately.

What do you want?

Well ...

I know exactly what you want.

You would do anything to get me.

Yes, yes, but you are a star.

How old are you?

Soon I'll be 21

Have you ever experienced women?

Of course. Many times.

What do you mean?

I mean all night. - Well, I ...

But never with Margaret Joyce, my boy. You're missing something.

I don't know, I've not felt that yet.

Would you do me a favour?

Something that I would not ask of just any man.

Of course.

Try this cake. I bake it myself.

Baking makes me happy.

You're disappointed?

Didn't you like it?

No. Yes.

You're just fascinating, my boy.

Shall we do something really exciting?

Yes. - Right now?

Right now. - Watch out.

Yes? - Ready to go.

So

I suggest that we begin where we left off.

I'll win anyway. Don't be hard on yourselves.

Whilst I was alone on the large bed of Margaret Joyce,

I didn't feel like a man.

But professionally it paid off.

From the photos with Margie Baby I received my first publicity.

My Boss looked at me with different eyes, I fell on my feet

and became a car salesman.

In the phone book I discovered the name of a baroness

who ran a Boutique for extravagant ladies fashions.

I wanted to sell her a very expensive car.

For this I had thought of a trick.

I had to pretend as if a friend of hers wanted to buy the car.

Jean here is modelling the "Spielereil".

And now the main attraction: Jojo and the creation "puff adder".

Why did you do that? The whole thing is supposed to be fun.

Getting whipped is fun?

You can't put on a Marquis De Sade fashion show for your customers without whips,

and stand up straighter!

And you, I've said it 100 times, a lower neckline.

Go on, get up there.

How often do I need to say that during the dress rehersal

for a fashion show there should be no interlopers.

What do you want?

Excuse me, a good friend of yours asked me to meet her here.

Olga? - What?

Oh, Olga. Yes, Of course, Olga. Good day.

I've got a new car for her.

The latest model from Bentley. A convertable, a paradise on wheels.

A car?

Yes. A carriage without horses.

The most beautiful car in the world.

Excuse me, should we continue?

Wait. Get me my bag. Come on, show it to me.

What? - Your paradise on wheels.

But I can't do that. - And why not?

You must know, it wouldn't be right.

Why? Have you completed the sale already?

No, but we have a binding agreement.

A binding agreement? What does that mean these days?

The day was clear. The Baroness was in her late 20s,

and was a woman who knew exactly what she wanted.

She smelled beautiful.

I wasn't really up to the situation.

For a car salesman you seem quite an unsafe driver

Me? Really?

Let me drive.

Sorry, but that's not possible.

And why not?

Because I've already got a customer for this car.

I would like go for a test drive, maybe I will buy the car.

And what I decide to do I do

Why does it matter to you whether it's me or my friend who buys the car?

Yes, that's a good point.

Put your arm around me.

Let's try to swap places.

That seems less dangerous.

Almost there.

Just a moment, sorry. I 'm stuck.

Those are quite awkward, my boy.

Be sorted soon.

Come on, hurry up!

Excuse me.

Did you enjoy that tour?

How many women have you sold a car to like this?

None. You're my first attempt.

Laura, what a delight to see you at my poor little house.

Olga, good day dearest Olga, I just decided to pop in.

I found this fabulous car

which I like so much I really want to buy it.

Good idea. But why tell me?

Oh, I thought it's something that would interest you.

Me? Why?

She's pretending. She wants it quite badly.

Oh no, I don't have any money left for cars

they lose their value so quickly. And I've recently spent

money on a painting by Utrillo.

That's a fantastic idea. But you have had it checked?

Today you have to be so careful, there are so many fakes about.

Tell me, did you not have a meeting booked for today at the boutique?

With you? In the boutique? No.

You must be mistaken.

She's lying.

What's going on? Is it this man?

Handsome boy. Is he yours?

No. Too young for me.

Don't say that. A young lover can rejuvenate you.

Come on, children!

Who's that? - Those are my nieces.

They were playing doubles with Archi.

They'll finsih the poor dear off completely

Come on, little children. Archi, come on!

Good day.

Laura, what a pleasant surprise.

Did they beat you?

I defended myself as best I could, but it was 6-0, 6-0.

In your films you always won.

That was then. It was 20 years ago, dear Olga.

Can I present Roberto Monti.

Oh, it seems the children know each other.

I think we can now leave the youth with each other,

and we old ones have a cup of tea. Come, Archi.

Hello! Hello!

Will you take us for a drive?

Well, I think this car is stupid. - Why?

It's just a show-car.

Come on, we'll take a test drive. - Out of the question.

How are you? You've been up to a lot, haven't you?

Me? How so?

I thought you'd still be in shock.

What are you talking about?

From the night with the wonderful Margaret Joyce.

I've seen the photos, they were in all the papers.

The height of bad taste.

Now look here, what the papers print isn't all of the truth...

Calm down. I haven't asked you for an explanation.

A woman is only beautiful through love.

Only by love alone.

Therefore, she longs always to be in love.

Always longing for love.

And she hopes that it will last forever,

because love is so beautiful.

Do you know something, sir,

what can be discovered in a woman?

I'm sure you've guessed, my lord,

that they can hide what they want? Very clever.

What mystrerious things may hide behind, tulle, silk,

velvet and soft mink?

Nothing but a woman's heart.

A woman is only beautiful through love.

Only by love alone.

Therefore, she longs always to be in love.

Always longing for love.

And she hopes that it will last forever,

because love is so beautiful.

Bravo, bravo! What woman on earth can sing like you?

Your voice is still as beautiful as it ever was.

If only some producer,

would make a movie with the two of us.

It would be a great sucess!

Oh my goodness.

I couldn't do it, not even if I wanted to.

With all my shops to manage,

my helicopter factory.

Did you know, I'm bringing a new model for export out.

You have things sorted, Laura, with your little boutique.

I've have heard you have some difficulties at the moment.

We women are not ready yet for such large burdens.

Yes, perhaps you're quite right.

The Baroness had a wonderful talent

of taking me from difficulty to difficulty.

I was extremely vulnerable to three girls who wanted

to take a test drive, and who expressed this with violence.

I received kisses and blows, I was pinched and tickled

the beasts came after me and tried, with their nimble hands,

to get the ignition key out of my pocket.

Violetta took it out finally.

No, let me go.

Every time we've met you haven't had time for me.

Now I have none for you.

Ciao! - Just wait!

Young man, you have the most unconventional selling methods.

Please excuse me I thought it was ...

What? Who? - Oh, nothing.

I'm very sorry, I hope you're not angry.

No.

I like you, I just don't know if I should buy a

car from you if you can't handle a few runaway children.

Watch out! Hands down!

Yes?

It's raining. - Oh, right.

Do not worry, Baroness, everything is automatic.

A small push of the button and the top will spring up.

Hopefully. - It'll be done straight away.

Well, that's ...

Fabulous. Why would anyone need the hood?

We're soaked already.

Damn, I can't find the button ... - I can tell.

It must be somewhere around here.

Well, the poor car doesn't seem to be able to do anything about it.

You're having no effect.

Come, come.

What a bummer. - Why, it's funny.

Wait, I'll give you my jacket. I've never had that happen before.

Well, it's something new.

All of my clothes are soaked.

Well? What about you?

Take off your shirt. You're really wet as well.

Oh.

But Baroness ... - Be quiet.

When I'm set on something, nothing stops me.

Why are you being so shy.

With this you'll be able to do anything you want

It responds automatically. It's the best we have to offer.

Very nice, but I want a 30 percent discount.

The covers are completely spoilt and that's his fault.

Otherwise I won't buy the car.

Agreed, Baroness. 30 percent off and we'll say no more.

Fine, and also I would also advise you to dismiss that young man over there.

He really has no idea what he's doing.

You are quite right, he's a beginner, isn't he?

I'll fire him straight away. Thank you.

Don't you want a lift?

I've just been kicked out. Because of you!

I know. If you like, I'll give you a job.

Get in, come on.

A job in your boutique selling hats, right?

Yes. Just that

You have all the qualities needed to sell women anything.

You have imagination - imagination and audacity.

And also you're an excellent liar.

Me? A liar?

Yes, selling a car to Olga - great story.

Perfect, in fact. It only had one small problem.

In 1938 Olga was in a car accident on a film set,

and since then she will have noththing to do with cars.

She has never even bought one. Now come on.

Oh, it's starting to rain again.

The baroness had always known where the button was.

My career as a car salesman, which began so hopefully, ended there.

I became the chief salesman In her ultra-stylish

boutique for extravagant women's fashions.

It was a great step forward.

With a flutter of my eyelashes I talked women into buying whatever I liked.

The baroness was very pleased with me.

Roberto, I'm very displeased with you.

Why, Baroness?

At an evening like this in a gray suit? Have you no dinner jacket?

No. I've never had one.

I must have a tuxedo somewhere.

Someone forgot one one time and never picked it up again. Maria!

How am I going to fix this, I've no idea.

It's big enough for two, you can't walk around like this

This won't do. Maria, you have to help me here,

Take in the waist and make the legs longer.

Take them off quickly. Hurry! The guests will be here any minute.

First one leg ... yes, and now the other.

Maria, hurry up. - I'm going as fast as I can.

But I'm not magic, I'm only human.

I must have a look at this in complete silence.

Havn't you bought that dress from her competititor?

Why bring that up? I can still buy one from Laura. Well, it's quiet here?

We seem to be the first. - What, is no one here?

This has never happened to us before.

Well, there's this chap here.

Good evening. - Enrico Addizione

Roberto Monti. - My wife.

Pleased to meet you. - My pleasure.

Tell me, where is the baroness?

She'll be coming along soon.

I hope so.

Excuse us. - Of course.

I must take the whole thing apart. There's no other way to do it.

Well, since this is an unreasonable demand they will just have to be be patient. Patience. Patience.

Oh, this is chic - An exclusive design.

Turn around. - Sinfully expensive.

So, you've been to Bonn? I didn't know.

Oh, really?

Ricardo! Ciao!

Excuse me, young man; do you have to stand there?

I feel very comfortable here.

You're slowly getting on my nerves.

I don't know where things will go. Every day they invent a new tax.

Catastrophic!

At your age there are two things you can't do, and this is one of them.

But Aunt Olga, it's just a martini.

Please not here.

Don't you realise you're in the way?

Please, leave him alone. Please. - Yes.

Get out of here, go on.

But Laura, we were made for each other.

For me there is only one possible wife, and you're it!

Give it a rest, I know how fast you found consolation.

What are you saying to me? I don't know how to get any other woman.

Look, I'm starting to get fat. I'm only just in control.

I've always said. - I beg your pardon, Sir.

Miss. - Miss, of course. Sorry.

Excuse me, Miss. - Sir, if you please.

The tax office is making it so that soon we won't even have trousers to walk around in.

Don't be rough.

But Laura, please tell me who has pushed me out of your heart?

Is it at least a man of my significant stature?

Oh yes.

Ah, Roberto, there you are. You look good like this.

The tuxedo suits you. And you must introduce us ...

No need. We already know each other.

Excuse me, Laura, I can't stop.

That tuxedo seems very familiar.

Yes, you're right. It's yours.

Roberto! - Oh, Irene. You're at this party too?

Yes, it's something a bit different. The Baroness has asked me to model some clothes.

And what are you doing? She's taken you on as a salesman hasn't she?

She is charming, isn't she?

Yes. Sorry, I don't have much time at the moment.

You're in a hurry, as usual. Can I tell you something?

You should take more care of yourself.

You might not think it possible, but you've lost your trousers.

You might not think it possible, but I already know.

And who has got you so excited? The Baroness?

No. I'll explain it to you later.

First, can you please help me over to the tailor's room?

But how?

Maybe like this?

Well, I've done it? - I am totally exhausted.

And where is my reward?

I want a kiss. Or is the Baroness too jealous?

Why should I worry about the Baroness?

Help! Let me go at once! Get off me!

You've gone crazy!

What you doing? Let me go!

Have you ever seen anything like it? I'm speechless.

My child, my poor child. Come, sit.

Oh, these men.

Why are you staring at me like that?

I did nothing.

Well, that's the second thing I talked about.

So listen, Mr Kunz, I'm off work this weekend.

You can't wait three days?

I can see, young man, that you need these.

Very observant, yes, very much.

You were lucky, the tailor

didn't dare to go into the drawing room carrying a pair of men's trousers.

Not at her age.

You know, it's not easy to find a taxi at this hour.

Excuse me, may I introduce myself - Roberto Monti.

Doctor Markus. - Ah, a doctor.

And what's the temperature? 48? A bit low.

What? Too low?

Try increasing it in any case. To 60

What? To 60?

All right. I will try to get a taxi. See you soon.

I could take you in my car. It's not a problem.

Come on, before it is too late.

And now the design "tortured innocence."

And after that "Creatione puff adder."

Who is this? - Renzino.

My friend Olga would like to meet you.

My husband

We went in the first car I had owned myself, that my wealthy Baroness

had initally given to me, but later, unfortunately, had deducted from my salary.

Our trip went to the "Nuclear Physics Research Institute".

Evening, Doctor, you're here late today.

This is where I work. I am a Nuclear physicist at the electron synchrotron.

Here's where I leave you. - Oh.

I don't think that atomic physics can interest you.

I think you deal primarily with women's underwear, Mr Monti.

But that doesn't matter. Especially as Nuclear physics proves how close everything is.

Show me your laboratory. It would interest me.

That is strictly prohibited.

Of course, I could make an exception.

I can allow it only if you promise not to touch anything.

And if I take you there it is at your own risk.

I never dreamt that

a real nuclear scientist would want to show me her workshop.

First, though, I had to get undressed once again.

But this time I got something rather fantastic to wear instead.

Good evening, Dr. Markus.

Good evening, be careful, everything here is radioactive.

Everything?

You can tell by the control lights. Normally they are yellow,

but if they start to turn red they are radioactive. Then you must be careful.

Can you die from it?

Of course. Everything here is for the production of antiprotons.

You understand antimatter?

Surely you know about it? - Unfortunately I have forgotten.

They are hydrogen nuclei, negatively charged.

They do not exist in nature.

Yes, that's what I thought.

So much complex formulas and maths, I've actually forgotten the easy stuff.

I asked you not to touch anything.

What will the consequnces be? Is it very dangerous?

Might we die?

I'm going Neandertal, Dr Markus.

Bon Voyage, dear professor. Hope it goes well.

This time I'll manage I'm sure. I have a feeling.

What are you goiong to try?

To make fire with wooden sticks.

That would be a tremendous step forward.

I hope you'll be pleased. Goodbye!

Goodbye! Goodbye!

That's Orank, the most important scientist here.

He deals with the problem of introverted neutrons.

Oh, so that's it? Introverted neutrons.

I still don't really understand.

But tell me, why is your colleague so strangely dressed?

To maintain our balance,

we go back to the past to keep ourselves happy.

It's a kind of re-integration. We need it now and again.

The worse we feel, the further back in history we go.

Since I don't feel unbalanced, to me the professor seems a bit crazy.

He is a particularly difficult case. He is so far ahead of his time, that

he can't integrate very well.

Unfortunately we can only go back as far as the Stone Age.

We don't know enough about the periods before then.

Before that there was paradise.

Wouldn't that help?

This is not something to take lightly, Mr. Monti.

Ah yes, sorry. It was meant well.

Do you feel unbalanced as well?

Of course. But as yet I don't need to go so far back in the past.

I just need two centuries.

Marquise.

Taste the candied fruit. They are simply exquisite.

It is a gift from the Count of Saint Germain.

Dr Markus took me back with her.

She had quite the house, styled in Louis XVI furnishings.

My headmaster had taught us the French Revolution endlessly,

I knew it very well. So I could play with Fancesca the

clever game they called "re-integration", and she could

relax and forget about nuclear fission.

So we are in 1789. Facing in the French Revolution.

What, Revolution? The French people would never think of such a thing.

Are you so sure?

They are much too interested in the love affairs of the king.

Are you certain, Marquise?

A hundred percent, my dear duke. A little Champagne?

With all pleasure.

1959? Respect. This is a good year.

You have such a beautiful neckline, Marquise. It disturbs me.

Oh, monsieur. You go too far.

But we live in the 18th Century.

That's why it does so, the age of the Enlightenment. Diderot, Voltaire.

Reason prevails over emotion.

And pleasure over reason.

How can you say such a thing?

Because it is a fact.

We live in the era of luxury and waste.

Of unrestrained pleasure.

We live in the age of the Pompadour.

And of course, in Versailles, the Pompadour currently reigns.

What I really think is that I am not your mistress.

But of course, who is talking about a mistress.

There is only a woman.

A wonderful woman.

You are unique to me.

You are my Queen Antoinette.

And I am your king, Louis XIV

16?

30th, 40th Whatever you want!

Let me take you hand. We should enjoy the hours left.

The revolution comes faster than one suspects.

I beg you, sir, what are you doing? This is my bed.

Yes, I know you must be mine. - I'm sorry, that's impossible.

But we don't have much time.

Just a few short days and it will be all over.

Then we will be off to the guillotine.

I do not believe it.

We need to use the time, enjoy life.

Are you feeling this?

Our time is about to expire.

I can't believe that!

The people adore us, and it will be down to the people in the end.

Yes, of course. - Well, then.

Oh, what are you doing there?

Nothing, my Marquise.

Did you hear that? Someone knocked.

Yes?

A messenger. Well, what is it?

Unbelievable. There we have it.

Lafayette has betrayed us.

I knew it. They have occupied the Bastille.

Oh, this Lafayette!

Let's send him to the Americas. - The won't want him either.

We still have some friends left.

Mirabeau. Where's Mirabeau?

No idea. It's July, perhaps in St. Tropez.

I'll call for him all the same.

No, forget it. Please leave me, sir.

No more, Roberto, this has to stop.

We can't stop. Please, think of your re-integration.

You are my queen. I am the king.

Long live the king.

No!

No!

Yes, you're the king.

Louis? - Yes?

Louis? - What is it my love?

France needs you so much, Sire. Long live France.

Long live France.

Louis? - What the problem?

The servants have all left us.

We must resign ourselves to it. There are worse things in the world.

Now for a little breakfast?

OK, come on.

Please don't let your head hang like that, Sire.

You're the king, do not forget that. - Yes, yes.

Then keep your posture.

You are the head of the state. You represent the people.

You can't be weak, you must be strong!

Remember, you are the people.

But Antoinette be reasonable. The people are a little tired.

Antoinette, the people are very upset. Where are the fresh rolls?

The people have to eat bread sometimes.

I can't go shopping right now.

Is my king not satisfied? I've gone to so much trouble.

I wish I had a sandwich. A small, fresh bread roll.

You ate the last one yesterday. - I can remember.

Sire, everyone has left us.

The National Assembly will put us on trial.

We shall be sentenced to death. The mob will kill us.

It will tear us apart. Louis! It's our last night, Louis!

Sorry, Francesca, I have to go home.

Do not go, Louis. Think of my re-integration.

You are the king. And I am Antoinette.

Louis, where do you want to go?

I want to go home! I have to work!

Impossible, the king does not work. - Oh.

He rules. - So, please.

I know what I'll do. I will get help.

From England.

This is senseless, the English people are traitors.

They are the biggest enemies of France.

Our country has no friends.

Yes yes, that's thanks to Monsieur de Gaulle.

I don't know him.

Antoinette, I must leave you. I'll send you the three musketeers.

No, Louis, do not leave me alone.

Be reasonable, Antoinette. You're not in danger any more.

Danton is in Marseille, Robespierre in Arras.

And Marat?

Don't worry, the ball is only the day after tomorrow.

Am I still alive, or am I dead?

The Scarlet Pimpernel has saved us.

On the morning of the third day I was woken by an intense growling in my stomach.

I decided to do something about it. My gait was anything but normal.

But I had only one thought: fresh rolls.

If my headmaster knew how thoroughly I had been taught

all the details of the French Revolution I would

have received great praise.

Now I had to turn to my professional advancement,

which also demanded my full attention.

Poor France.

Even your king leaves.

Is that the nuclear institute?

Mr Kunz, please,

this is Dr. Markus.

Is the anything new for me?

Thanks for asking.

The weekend was fine.

Yes, it was a good re-integration.

What's that? An imprecise division?

Note the time.

Keep it under control, I'm coming.

And what have you been up to recently?

I was in bed ...

That is, I have studied the French Revolution.

Aha.

Pardon.

It's the pollen. - My magnolias.

You'll have to get used to it. An old relative of yours?

No, this is a memento from a Queen.

Ariel 3 calling Villa Olga. We are heading towards you.

Ah, there it is. My new export model.

With three propellers.

Don't you like it?

No, there's something not quite right.

There's something wrong?

The rear engine is losing rotation. I think he should land.

Oh, don't talk such nonsense, my boy.

Fly on. Go north-by-northwest.

Can not stay on course. Losing altitude.

I'm out of control, must attempt an emergency landing.

What happened?

Emergency landing failed. I managed to get out.

What does that mean?

Complete loss. An engine failed.

Which? - The rear engine!

How did you know that? Are you in the industry?

No, I just know a little bit about motors.

I've read about helicopters.

They've always interested me.

Aha.

Aha, aha.

Do you want to take a drink with me?

And this is your room. Look, a nice bed.

A bit narrow, but otherwise it's fine

you can let off steam on it.

You should sleep in bed, not party. - You've never done that?

I have. Nonetheless sleeping is fine.

If you don't want excitement I suppose you can read, perhaps "Brehm's Animal Life".

No, thank you.

Wait, now I'll show you something.

The absolute best thing about the room is the view, which is fantastic.

You'll be surprised. You'll have to remember to look straight down sometimes,

because that's a view that's easy to overlook.

Who's there?

It's me, Roberto.

Just a moment.

OK, you can come out!

Ciao, Irene.

We haven't seen each other for a while, Roberto.

Have you got another job?

The Baroness is supposed to have been pretty upset.

I'm sorry, you can't push me this far.

I am, after all, only human.

And you can't ask too much, everyone has their limits.

That's how it is.

What are you doing?

I'm getting undressed, as you can see.

Roberto, don't think you can treat me like you do the others.

But no, I only getting ready for the next scene.

Now you can scream again and call your Aunt Olga.

Do you know that I particularly love you when you're angry?

Oh yes, I wanted to tell you actually:

I've become a representative of your Aunt Olga's company.

Did you really think I didn't know that?

I had everything worked out.

Or do you think you would have managed it by yourself?

I doubt it.

Right, now I've finally had enough!

Are you pretending you engineered everything?

One wanted me to become a racing driver, the other throws me into the hay,

one puts me in the bathtub and makes me wear a wig,

one wants to massage me, the other disgraced me in the newspapers.

And all under the pretext of making me a man.

But I am a man and I want to do what I want to do.

I'm through playing around!

Do you think I'll let you take me for an idiot any longer?

However, I will work for your Aunt Olga, that's for sure.

But I won't be messed around any more

neither by you or anyone else.

No more women are going to lead me around by the nose.

Least of all you!

Yes, you're right.

I was stupid, I see that.

I was a bit up the wall.

I'm very sorry. Yes, really; Roberto, I won't do it again.

In two hours I'm going back to my boring boarding school.

Satisfied?

Take care.

You'll have to go now, I have all sorts to do.

I need to get dressed.

Please excuse me ...

If I may ask you to not interrupt me in mid-sentence.

The job was described in great detail before you even started.

It doesn't matter that nothing happened,

there could easily have been an accident.

Mr Merk, you're fired.

Come to my office tomorrow morning for your papers.

Goodbye. Good day.

Pardon.

To the table, please.

I have to say that Roberto has really taken to being the manager.

He has become very tough.

Like all young people, he believes that a commanding presence is necessary.

Well, this man made a mistake.

If I make a mistake throw me out as well.

Roberto isn't that funny any more.

But he's much more masculine.

The main thing is that I'm satisfied.

And ever since Roberto has been here, the business has been going much better.

By the way, Argentina has ordered 20 helicopters.

I have to go there to instruct the pilots.

When? - As quickly as possible.

Tomorrow or the day after.

Do you remember, Archi, when my Father discovered our relationship

and I was sent to boarding school?

Strictly guarded against all men.

But Archi, a far away boarding school, you didn't like it at all.

God, those were the days. How angry you were.

You didn't back down from any danger.

Like a knight on a white Horse, like a bolt from the blue,

you sprang over the wall in front of all the shocked Nuns,

and, to the envy of the other girls, kidnapped me.

That was a heavenly feeling.

That can only be the devil!

This is the devil in person!

Do not shoot, sisters, you must fight the devil in other ways.

We will fight him with water!

Aim more carefully!

Don't act like you're tired!

Now he's getting out.

I'll turn off the water.

This is a smart guy!

It's not working anymore!

Right, no more out of you.

A kidnapping!

Let me go too!

Ciao!

That was the most important day in my life.

I married the most beautiful girl in the world. Irene.

And, giving me luck, all the women who had helped me in

my development were also there.

My headmaster's dear wife, who was always kind to me

and who had often given me a secret piece of meat.

A selfless lady who saved me from the dangers

that often threaten a young boarding-school pupil.

I was very sorry to leave her.

Monica, the racing driver, who had a temper to match.

And who had made a man of me behind the wheel.

Those tricks I will never forget and they have saved me so much trouble in life.

I wish her many victories at tracks all over the world.

The beautiful Margaret Joyce, loved by millions of movie fans,

soon to be bringing out a book on her home cooking skills.

A simple woman in the limelight, who thinks very differently about

sex than her admirers do.

Baroness Laura, a fascinating businesswoman with a special sense

for the realities of life. A woman who can be ruled by no man

and who can't abide any dependency.

But possesing a tenderness that every man craves.

And Francesca, my stern intellectual.

Who, to look into the future, sometimes has to look to the past.

A scientist with the beauty of an angel.

Irene looked ravishing. Her eyes shone like never before.

As we left the church, it was raining.

Now I really knew that this was the high-point of my life.

Bye-bye, Aunt Olga!

Goodbye!

You too! Ciao!

Ciao!

And you too. Goodbye!

For the first time something bothered me about my young wife.

The traditional kissing of young wedding guests I didn't like.

But I, of course, said nothing.

Come on, I think you've had enough!

Ciao!

Goodbye!

The sun came out and our honeymoon began with a flight of fancy.

I saw the places of my youth; which seemed far away

I had matured and become a man.

Irene, I think, has that certain something in a woman that makes me happy.

I'll try to be a good husband.

Roberto? - What is it?

Look down there. Those were the days.

Now it's finally stopped raining.

Do you know what we'll do tonight?

Without the loving help of my women, I never would have done.

Thank you.