All language subtitles for Cold.Feet.S09E05.720p.HDTV.x264-ORGANiC

WOMAN: What's happened?

MAN: I don't know,
I think they let themselves in.

So, where are we?

They're threatening
to torch the place.

We should never have taken them
to the employment tribunal.

They haven't the spine for it.

Let me speak to them.

Mind out the way, please.

FUNKY '70s COP MUSIC

Amber, Patrick,
I know it hurts to be wrong...

Just wait there,
I've got Patrick on the phone.

Put me on speaker.

You both need to hear this.

Listen, what you're doing now,
it won't solve anything...

Where did we make a mistake?!

We had the evidence!
The company lawyer!

The sense of entitlement!

You thought you had everything,

but there was one thing
you lacked...

..experience.

That comes with age.

We had truth on our side!
The photos.

Yes,
I carried a coffin when off sick.

When a friend needs you,
you push through pain.

That photo was indeed evidence,
but not of how low I value my work,

but of how highly
I value my friends.

I'm so sorry.

We were wrong.
CHEERING

HUBBUB STOPS

I'm sure the moral high ground
has a great view, Adam,

but today's not about
right or wrong,

it's about employment law.

So just keep quiet
and let Robyn do the talking.

'70s COP MUSIC RESTARTS

You all right, Pete?

Oh! Stinks in here.
Why you on the couch?

Have you and mum fallen out?
What? No, not this time.

We're incompatible. Your dad snores.

Your mum has night sweats.

Pfft, excuse me for my menopause (!)
Excuse me for my blocked sinuses (!)

You know how kids don't wanna hear
what their parents do in bed, right?

What you doing?!
Customising it.

If it looks good on me,
I'll sell more.

You're not going.

But it's only a warm-up gig
for their tour.

Adam's put me in charge of merch.

..an-dise.
Why do they shorten everything?

Not our T-shirts.

What's short for dickhead?
Right, laters.

Short for, "See you later". Obvs...

BOTH: ..viously.

You OK?

I've been up in Mum's room.

It's gonna take some sorting.

Why don't you wait till
Sheila gets up?

You shouldn't have to do it
on your own.

Thought I'd make a start.

It's gonna be so hard.

Sending all her stuff off
to charity shops.

Back to charity shops.
Mm.

Did you get any boxes?
I left you a message.

When?
WHEN you didn't answer.

HE SIGHS
It's... it's home.

So... we should... yeah.

OK. Right, well.

Yes, definitely, OK.

Thanks, bye. Bye.

At least once Mum's room is sorted

you'll not have to come down here
in the night.

Because...?
You can sleep in there.

You want separate rooms?
I want a good night's sleep.

PHONE CHIMES

Sorry for the misunderstanding
the other night.

I hope we can still be fiends.

PHONE CHIMES

Typo. Friends.

Have you seen Liv this morning?

She hasn't surfaced yet,

don't think she got in
till quite late.

I'll see her later.
Have a good day, Matt.

Robbie. Good to see you.
Hey, nice suit.

Where did you get it?
I don't know.

Ah, Robbie,
still up to your old tricks.

Ah, so this is Ronnie Biggs, is it?

Is this you first day at work,
or are you just casing the joint?

Robbie, erm, meet Roger.

Don't worry about him, he's just
trying to intimidate you. Really?

Cos I know a thing or two
about intimidation myself.

You have to...
ROGER GRUNTS

..when you've shared your cell
with a lifer

who'll slit your throat
as soon as look at you.

ROGER GROANS

Nice one.

David, what am I doing here?

Well, Robbie, we are to indulge in
some blue-sky thinking.

It's like in prison.

They have their own jargon.
You'll soon get used to it.

You see, in plain English, Robbie...

Concentrate.
Sorry.

..our task is to make this bank
appear more cuddly,

so that if the revolution comes,

our directors aren't the first ones

to be put up against a wall
and shot.

I love a challenge.
And this will be one.

FUNKY '70s COP MUSIC

Right, so first,
I'll say a few words about ethics.

Challenge them on what the evidence
really means.

On evidence and truth being
more complex and slippery than...

Adam.

I talk. You keep shtum.

That's what Karen said.

God's sake.

Jesus!
You could wait!

Sorry.
I didn't know you had company!

I'm Toby, Mrs Marsden.

I'm a trainee solicitor,
I work with Liv.

What's he doing here?
Leaving.

I stayed the night.

Yes, thank you, Toby, I don't need
a law degree to work that out. Mum!

When Toby's gone, I'd like a word.

In the first instance,

we require full disclosure
of all correspondence including,

but not limited to,

emails, social media,
WhatsApp groups...

This photo constitutes
a prima facie breach of privacy,

in clear violation of
the Human Rights Act of 1998.

You will, of course, face civil,
as well as criminal, liability.

As for this...

I have copies of the prescription
for the pain medication

that enabled my client to
get through this distressing event.

You will have to justify
putting a long lens in bushes

and photographing bereaved minors
during a private funeral.

Any questions?

My card.

So...
Adam.

See you soon.
See you later.

Well?
Well, what?

Well, what have you
got to say for yourself?

We were out till late,
a bunch of us from Robyn's chambers,

it was raining,
Toby's Uber didn't show,

I said he could crash on my floor.
On the floor?

Well, yeah, we shared a bed,
but we didn't do anything...

Oh, well, that's fine, then.

Move along, people,
nothing to see here!

You might have had no boundaries
when you were young, but I do!

Excuse me,
I didn't share a bed with other men

with my boyfriend
just down the hall!

It wasn't like that.
Toby is not like that.

Anyway, it's none of your business!

It is when
you're living under my roof, Olivia,

with your boyfriend,
who is practically my son.

I like him, Mum.

Are we talking Matt or Toby here?

We didn't sleep together.

I didn't sleep at all.
Not next to him. He's gorgeous.

Yes, well,
it hadn't escaped my attention.

But looks aren't everything,
you know.

Yeah, but he's funny.
And he's so smart.

SHE SIGHS

Ugh.

Look, I love Matt. I do.

But we've grown up together.
And he...

he's more of a best friend to me now
than anything.

And I don't want to hurt him.

And I don't want to lose him
as a friend. But...

..I think I want something else.

You won't say anything, will you?
To Adam.

Oh, for God's sake, Olivia,

that's gonna make things
just so awkward.

You're gonna have to talk to Matt,
OK? And soon.

I know.

Ellie, flat white, please.
Hey, Adam, how did it go?

Fantastic! Unbelievable.
She's a fricking Rottweiler!

She had them
eating out of her hands.

They've already made an offer
to settle.

She told them to shove it
where the sun don't shine.

Literally, those words!

Well,
they've increased their offer.

Oh, my God, I love you!

Hey, you two,
this is my colleague, Robbie.

This is Adam. And this is Robyn,
who I...

I've heard a lot about you.

David's description differed
a little from Adam's.

Apart from the word Rottweiler.

Well, that was from way back,
when we were getting divorced.

Well, I've heard about you, too.

David said you were charming,
didn't mention debonair.

Which is odd,
cos he does love his fancy words.

Sorry to butt in, but me,
my improved offer? Yes, sorry.

So, you have to sign
a non-disclosure agreement

and for 12 months,
you can't work for a competing firm,

but in return,
they've increased your compensation

from six-month's salary to a year.

My God, you did work them over,
didn't you? Magnificent.

To recap, erm, basically,
I can't work for 12 months...

Not for an online retailer, no.

And in return, they're going to
pay me my full salary for a year.

Mm-hm.

Hmm.

Gonna have to think about that...

Erm, yeah, I accept it! Rottweiler.

Oh, my God.
She must have had that for years!

She did. It's from C&A.

She was probably waiting for it
to come back into fashion.

I don't think she could have lived
that long.

Oh. Worry beads.
I've not seen them.

She used to worry about me,
you know.

God knows why,
you're such a goody-goody.

It was easy for you
being the second child... Charity.

..if I ever went anywhere,

I used to phone home
as soon as I got there,

even if I just
went round the corner.

Oh, yeah, what was it?
"Three little rings"!

That was it.

She didn't pick up,
didn't want to waste the money.

But three rings,
and she'd know I was safe.

I'd forgotten about that.

I should get our Adam to do it
when he's on tour.

Mind you, he could just text.

Jen.

If she's left everything
to the cats' home,

we're gonna bury that in the garden.

I don't know what to say, Jen.

I'm as shocked as you are.

Doubt that.

I mean, you'd have thought
she would have left me something...

I'd have thought
she'd leave you half.

What did I do wrong?
Nothing, I'm sure.

She wrote this eight years ago,
when she lived with me.

We'll split it.
No!

Course we will,
it's what Mum would want us to do.

The clue is in the title.

"Her last will and testament."

Splitting it is clearly not what
she wanted to do.

Hi, can I take a drinks order,
please?

Oh, yeah, erm, have whatever
you want, tonight is on me.

Can we start with cocktails?
Sensational idea!

We'll celebrate
my year of living recklessly.

A Cosmopolitan, please.
Yeah, I'll have the same.

Three of those.
Coke for me, please, thanks.

Matt?
Oh, I'll have a beer. Please.

Sorry, I have to ask,
do you have any ID?

Erm...

I've left it at home.
It's fake, to be fair.

He's 18 in a couple of weeks.

Can you maybe turn a blind eye?

Thank you.

Thanks, Dad (!)

You're getting your pint,
aren't you?!

How come only I got asked for ID?
Because we look sophisticated.

Mm. Women, not girls.

Do you know something?

I think this is the first time
we've all been out together,

the five of us.
Yeah, our little blended family.

Yeah, Mummy, Daddy, three children.

Mm.
Two of whom are sleeping together.

Yes, thanks for that, Ellie.

It's like some
weird religious cult.

All right, all right, all right.

What are you going to go for?
Margherita?

Do you know, for years,
that was all I could get him to eat.

And if there was any oregano on it,
I had to scrape it off.

Dad! I'm not a kid any more!
Well, still got a few more weeks.

Jesus.

God, where are those drinks?

She could have left me something!

Sheila buggered off to Canada,
Mum moved in with us.

She didn't change her will then,
did she?

Oh, when did we last change ours?

I don't think we've even got one,
have we?

Oh. Pete, it hurts so much.

Jen, I know she loved you...
and our kids.

I think she even had
a soft spot for me.

But I don't think she felt that way
about Sheila.

I think she might have
written that will out of guilt.

Sheila has been very good about it.

She's offered to give me half.

Oh. Well, that's all right, then.

No! That's not the point.

I don't want any of it.
What?!

Mm.

Mm-hm.

Well, we're not prepared to publish
without embossing on the jacket.

No.

Well, I ordered them a month ago,

so they should be
in the warehouse by now.

CLATTERING

Mm-hm.

Well, the retailer promotion
is next Friday,

so I need them by then, OK?

Can you call me back, please?
PAPER RUSTLES

Thank you.

It's interesting, your job,
isn't it?

I used to think so.

Are you bored?

No.

Day two of your year off
and you're bored.

Why don't you do something?

Go to the Whitworth,
to that new exhibition.

The Whitworth? Yeah, that's so me.

It's only fun if I go to
a gallery with you,

and I slag off the Old Masters.
You get annoyed.

Then we come back here
for some angry, erm...

Oh.

Let's go for a coffee!

Well,
you can make me one if you like. OK.

LOUD MUSIC PLAYS

Adam!

Coffee?
Oh, please!

There you go.
Oh, isn't that yours?

Yeah, but I can make another.
Well, I can do that.

Well, I can make another one,
let's not fall out over coffee.

We used to wind each other up,
didn't we?

Couldn't spend more than
a few hours in each other's company

without it kicking off.

But since I moved to Canada,
it's been fine.

Might that be because
you're in Canada?

Well, that's my point.

We always have lovely conversations
on the phone.

So you reckon that we can only
get on if we're 3,000 miles apart?

I did wonder.

Not any more.

Sheila, I've changed my mind.

I'd like to take you up on
your offer.

What offer's that, love?

Mum's will.

Look,
I've talked it through with Pete.

It's hit me pretty hard.

I wasn't being rational,
Pete's the rational one.

What do you mean you said no?!
Are you out of your tiny mind?!

You don't punch a gift horse
in the mouth! What the...?!

So, thank you, I think splitting
the money is the right thing to do.

Oh, I'm so pleased!

I just said to Marvin
on the phone last night,

I was really worried that one day
this might come between us.

Great! Hey, I hope we get to meet
your Marvin some time.

Oh. He's a lovely man.

You should see him in his uniform.
Mm!

I bet him and his Mountie mates
are very impressive.

Oh, he doesn't have many friends.

Oh, dear.

Well, he's got you,
that's the main thing, eh?

Yeah.

I can do whatever I want.
Nothing, if I feel like it.

Oh, I'm sorry,
are we keeping you awake?

What? Sorry, no, I had
a rough night. I was on the couch.

You and Jenny arguing?
No!

We weren't sleeping,
so she kicked me out of bed.

Oh, put your foot down,
let her know who's boss.

This is Jen we're talking about.

Well, it doesn't matter,

I'm moving into
Barbara's room tonight.

Whoa, wait, wait, wait.

You and Jen
are going to have separate rooms?

For the time being, yeah.

Mate, once she gets you
out of the bedroom,

she's not gonna let you back.

Bollocks. And what would I care?
I'll sleep better. Fine.

A toast, gentlemen,
to the memory of Pete's sex life.

You what?
Oh, yeah, separate rooms.

It's always bothered me.

One day you'll have sex
for the last time.

But you probably won't realise
until well after the event.

You'll look back and you'll think,
"Hm. That was it."

See, I'd like to know in advance,
so I can be at my George Best.

A final performance.
Ah, no, that's it.

I'll be like Sinatra.

Making comebacks
due to public demand.

Do you even remember
the last time you did it?

I bet it was more recent than him.

We're not talking about
my love life! Nothing to say?

There's hope for me yet.
Well, there is for me, too.

And I don't necessarily mean Jenny.
What?

Her choice, not mine...

Oh, wouldn't you like me to stay?

Just for a bit.

Sex?! Seriously?

Oh, come on, love,
it's been ages now.

At least a couple of
prime ministers ago.

Pete! I've had cancer!

And all that treatment.

And my mother died.

I'm not criticising.
I'm just saying.

And anyway, you're better now.
My mum's still dead.

Look, I don't feel like it, Pete.

Everything's churned up
at the minute.

Not to mention
my flipping menopause.

Well, do you think things
will settle down... in time?

I don't know. I suppose.

You can wait, can't you?

Just sort yourself out.

God! If it means that much to you,
go and find it somewhere else!

I don't care.

She can't have been serious!
No, she was joking!

I mean it. I don't care.

Just leave me in peace,
I'm knackered.

Bloody hell!

Has she given you a free pass!

Of course I didn't mean it!

I'll tell you something though,

if Pete ever did cheat on me,
Oh, my God, I'd kill him.

And then I'd divorce him.

Well, it's a moot point.

Yeah, could you remind me
what that means again?

It means that David
doesn't think you could pull anyone.

It means, Pete,
I don't believe you want to.

I have admirers.

Yeah, in the care home!
Without their own teeth. No.

Someone on the jury, actually.

She's very keen
to get to know me better.

Oh, well, lucky you.
Cos Jen's given you her blessing.

Yeah, cheers.

A well-targeted
social media campaign

will not only enhance
public perception of the firm,

but will also drive

a concomitant uptick
in new business leads.

Projected budget?
Small.

50K.
Sounds good.

I'll put it to the board.

Has anyone noticed the spikes

they're putting down
at the entrance?

Erm, I believe they're to discourage
rough sleepers.

Probably the council's doing.
We may have encouraged them, but...

Well,
maybe you should discourage them.

It would cost a lot less than
Roger's social media nonsense,

and do a lot more
for our reputation.

David's right.
I'm sorry...?

Your aim is to get people
to give you their money, right?

Yeah, put crudely.

That's the only way I know.

There's two ways to get people
to part with their dosh.

Put crudely, you can kick a door in,
or get someone to open it for you.

We prefer the latter.

In my experience,
it yields better results.

So, how do you get people
to open their door to you,

a grasping, nasty, thieving bank?

Improve our image.

Which is what my
social media campaign will do.

You don't tell people you're nice,
you show them.

Yeah, we condemn the spikes
and insist they get ripped up.

But then
the rough sleepers may return.

And I do hate
having to step over them.

So we make a donation
to the homeless shelter.

Help them expand their services.

And prove that we're doing our bit
for the poorest in society.

Think of the publicity.

The local media will love it.

It could go national.

And it would be cheaper
than bribing an Insta celebrity.

More effective, too.

Might even do some good.
I hadn't even thought of that.

I love it. I love it!

Good work, boys.

Lunch... is an underrated meal.
Do you know what I mean?

Too often, people eat it on the run.

I mean, literally,
you see them on the street,

rushing from one meeting
to the next,

stuffing sandwiches down their gobs.

It's a real treat to be able to...

to just sit here and take your time,
you know?

To savour the different flavours.

Don't you think?

You need a hobby.

She's right, Adam.
You need something.

Yes, I do.

Chloe said you wanted a word.

I don't know how she can do
her homework with that TV on.

Yeah, well, she's not meant to.

Is that what you wanted to say?

No.

OK. Take that upstairs, please.

Phone.
Ugh!

Yeah?

I've been doing a few sums.

And this is the figure
I've come up with.

Sorry. What's that?

It's the amount I thought
I'd give you out of Mum's estate.

Well, that's not half.
Well, no, of course it's not.

Well, you said you'd give me half.
No, I said I'd split it.

No. Your exact words were,

"I can't believe Mum
didn't give you half."

Well, I couldn't.
But that doesn't mean I have to.

What? I mean, that's about
a quarter of what she left.

It's 18.6%.

I've taken into account
the amount of time I cared for Mum,

the amount you did,
the cost of your loft conversion

and an estimate of the value
it's added to your house.

What...? What about my kids?
What about them?

Well, they deserve something.
That's for you to decide.

But it shouldn't
come out of my half.

I'm not getting half!

Adjusted,
for the reasons I've explained!

I shouldn't be punished because
you had children

while I devoted the best years
of my life to caring for our mother.

Oh, fuck off! You literally
had nothing else to do!

I'm making a very generous gesture
here!

I don't have to! Mum didn't want you
to have anything.

Oh, wow.

I don't want to fall out about this.

But it's up to you.
Take it or leave it.

Oh, piss off.

You're getting an allotment?!
Yeah.

Well, I've always wanted one.

You know,
maybe I haven't said it out loud,

but I think there's something noble
about growing your own food.

It's a direct link with our
hunter-gatherer forefathers.

You know you don't hunt carrots?
What's this?

Your dad's going green.
No, I'm going to grow our greens.

I'm joining
the field-to-fork movement.

Hey, I'll start with French onions,
field to fourchette.

Well, if it gets you out the house.

And also,
think of the savings we'll make.

This stuff here cost a
bloody fortune from that new place.

Here, in time,
I could become their new supplier.

It won't last.
Well, it's only just opened.

No, your enthusiasm.

I mean, next it'll be fly fishing,
or scuba diving.

Or running with bulls in Pamplona.
Oh, I'd be up for that!

Really?!

Well, not the bulls part, obviously.
But Spain, definitely.

Travelling used to be my thing,
didn't it?

I used to go a lot with your mum.

And then I met David,

then Josh came along,
then the twins.

Well,
you should have left it at Josh.

Oh, dear God, you know what that is?

Do you?

Yeah, he told me earlier.
What, the Toby thing?

The what? Toby?

Well, what did he tell you?

Well, he said he's worried
that Liv was gonna dump him.

That they weren't getting on.
Your turn.

MUSIC: 'Bullshit Anthem'
by Fantastic Negrito

OK, look this way.

OK, and can I get one where you're
shaking Terry's hand, Deborah?

Wonderful.

Lovely. Fantastic, thank you.

How long have we been waiting?

Well, when we got here,
that was new. Nice.

He probably doesn't have a watch.

When you live off the land, see,

you're governed by seasons,
not a clock.

Well, let's hope he's not expecting
us in the spring. Mm.

Could that be him?

Oh.

Shall we meet him half way?
At least.

Chris?
What?!

Chairman of the Allotment Society?

I'm Adam, this is my mate, Pete.
Hi.

Are you after a plot, too?
Oh, no!

I couldn't grow mould on cheese!

Let me show you what we've got.

Walk this way.

Mould on cheese?

We've usually got
a long waiting list,

but recently,
we've had a few dig six feet down.

Ah. So, taken early retirement,
have you?

God. No, no. I'm on a sabbatical.
Ah!

I believe that's what you call
retirement

before you know you've retired.

Well, whatever you're calling it,

an allotment's a great way
of filling your days.

So, let's see. Erm...

We've got that plot next
by Alan there...

Oh, Chris, what about you?

..or that one by Ted.

Afternoon, Christopher.

18.6%.

That's how much she reckons
Mum loved me. 18.6%!

She had a spreadsheet.
What, your mum did?

No, Sheila did!

I mean, maybe she's right.

Maybe Mum loved her 80...

point... 82...

Eight... Well, 80 point...
God, 80...

Whatever, Mum loved her
a lot more than she loved me.

You know that's not true.

I don't know what's true any more,
Pete.

I just...

I just can't believe
that Mum cut me out.

That she didn't leave me anything.
I don't get it! She did!

She's left you memories.

All those wonderful times
you had together.

Don't let this nonsense spoil it.

Or ruin your relationship
with your sister.

I don't want a relationship
with her. Shh!

Now Mum's gone,
we don't have to pretend any more.

You're taking this out on Sheila,

when it's your Mum
that you're angry with.

Yeah, well, I can't shout at her
any more, can I?

PHONE CHIMES

Well, go on, then.

Have you lost my number? Jokes.

But please tell me
I haven't offended you.

It's, erm, Adam.
It's nothing important.

Jen, take that 16.8%.

18.6.
Yeah. Even better.

Both are better than nothing.

And for your mum's sake,

please, try and stay on good terms
with Sheila.

I'm going to bed.

Are you sure you wanna
be on your own tonight?

I'll see you in the morning.

Pete!

I'm so glad you've come round.

Does this mean
we can still be fiends?

Or... even something more?

Yeah... maybe.

Do you want to come in
and talk about it?

I think we should talk about it
before I come in.

All right.

You start.

I don't want to have an affair.

Oh, right. So just friendship?

What I mean is,
I'm not looking for a relationship.

Physical, yes,
but nothing more than that.

Anything else
would seem like cheating.

But sex wouldn't?

Pete, I am not trying
to steal you away from your wife.

I wouldn't do that.

But I like you...

..and I'm lonely.

And if you're here,
it means in some way,

you have needs
that aren't being met elsewhere.

So, maybe we have something
that we can offer each other.

Would you like me to undress you?

No.

Would you like to undress?

Could we just sit and talk
for a little bit first?

Yeah, if that would make you more...
comfortable.

Or less uncomfortable.

THEY SPEAK OVER EACH OTHER

Sorry.
No, you go, sorry.

No, you go. Don't...
You go.

Have you ever seen The Graduate?
Yeah, a long time ago.

Well,
I feel a bit like Dustin Hoffman.

I don't feel at all like
Anne Bancroft.

SHE SIGHS

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I can't do this.
SHE SIGHS

I'm sorry.

Shouldn't you be at work?
We are. It's a strategy meeting.

Usual, please, Ellie.

We should introduce a loyalty card.

Well, I'd come here more.
Then you definitely should.

Stop flirting with her!
Why?

Because you want to?

She's an attractive woman.

And she's got a soft spot for you.

That ship sailed a long time ago.

This is your firm.

Did you do this?

Yeah.

Well, with Robbie.

Oh, no, this was all David.

He saw injustice,
wouldn't put up with it.

Got the firm on board, too.

I'm quite proud of it, actually.

The firm are sponsoring
a homeless shelter for a year.

That's a real achievement, David.

I'm impressed.

Your coffee, Robyn.
Oh, thanks, love.

Well, I'll see you.

Erm, we were just discussing
how to celebrate.

Were we?
We thought a dinner.

Maybe you'd like to, erm, join us?

Oh.

No. No, no, no.
It's your celebration.

I couldn't impose.
I'd like you to come.

Well, that's settled, then.

How about we meet here,
7PM, tonight?

OK.

See you both later, bye.

Are you moving in on her, Robbie?!
Would you mind?

HE HUMS

What's up with you?
Nothing.

Something is.
Possibly.

It's a surprise.

Yeah, but you want to tell me.
Oh, I so want to tell you.

Go on, then.

SHOUTING
You're joking?!

You told Adam about me and Toby?!

You told him? Well, you weren't
supposed to say anything!

Are you joking?!
You weren't supposed to say...

I was gonna deal with this!
What could I do? He's my son!

Well,
you didn't do anything with him.

How fucking could I?!

We have to live under the same roof,
thanks to you!

MATT SNORTS
Matt, wait!

Both of you
have made life impossible for us!

I asked you not to tell Adam!

SHE GROANS

The one thing I said
you couldn't do!

If you were me, you'd have done
the same thing. In fact, you did!

What?!
You told me!

Oh, bloody hell,
more fool me for trusting you!

Yeah, well,
Liv shouldn't have trusted you!

Liv!
Fuck.

BELL RINGS

Ah! Perfect timing!

What's going on?
Well, I love to cook.

So, I hope you don't mind,
but rather than going out,

I thought we'd eat here.

Well, it's fine by me.
Yeah.

Thank you, Robbie.

The thing is, I've just had a call
from my pub darts team.

They're a man down. Erm, literally.

A wayward arrow. So... I can't stay.

But don't worry.
The meal's all set to go.

And Ellie has kindly offered
to help serve it up.

I'm not stopping, though.

I'm meeting friends at the pub.

You'll be able to, erm,
fend for yourselves?

I, well, erm... I...
I think we'll manage.

Erm... I've been thinking.

You know how you gave me
a hall pass?

What?

Permission to sleep with
other women.

Well, I was only joking.

You haven't done anything stupid,
have you? No.

But I have thought about it.
What are you talking about?

Just as a concept.

And I realised I would rather
be with you and have no sex,

than have sex and not be with you.
See?

That's actually quite romantic!

There will come the odd occasion
where I have to...

HE WHISTLES

Less romantic.

SHE SIGHS

Hey, come here.
I do love you, you know.

And I do listen to you.

How do you mean?
I had a word with Sheila...

Taxi's booked.

Shelia, please.

I like our relationship...
on the phone, with you in Canada.

It's a bit odd,
but it sort of works.

I don't want us drifting apart.

You're family.

If you want to renegotiate...
No.

I don't want it to be
about the money.

I... I'm just hurt.

Mum told me she was grateful
to you and Pete.

Did she?
She did.

It gave her a whole new lease
of life, her living here.

And it did me, too.

25%. That's what I'm giving you,
whether you like it or not.

A bit extra for the kids.

They can have the rest
when I'm gone.

Appreciate it.

You don't have to leave tonight,
you know?

You could stay a day.

Maybe two.
I want to.

I think we get on better
with an ocean between us.

Just let me know
when you get home safely.

I'll give you three rings.

Do you wanna sleep upstairs tonight?

Yeah?

I'm not promising anything.

It's just,
it would be nice to have a hug.

Do you get the impression that
we've been set up?

Ever so slightly.
Mm.

Look, I wasn't in on all this...
by the way.

And if you feel...
I mean, we don't need to stay.

Well, this food looks delicious.
Yeah.

Robbie used to help out
in the prison kitchens.

You really are very different
to the man that I was married to.

Mm.

Really?
Mm.

Well...

..there we are.

I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have told Matt.

SHE SIGHS
I'd have done the same.

How is he?

Everyone should have their heart
broken once.

I hope you didn't tell him that.

I love you.

I love you, too.

I'm not gonna get an allotment.

No?

I hate gardening.
Hmm.

LAUGHTER

Oh, hi there.
Late night?

I've opened up and cleared
your romantic little table away.

Well, thank you very much, Ellie.

Thank you, Robyn.

That was...

really, really good fun.

I had a lovely time.

PHONE RINGS

Hang on, leave it.

Two...

..three. Hmm.

She's fine.

HEAVY THUDDING

BEEPING

METAL SQUEALING

What's that noise?

My surprise. I got you a present.

Come here, come on. Come on!

You said you missed travelling.
I bought it from the allotment.

I'm gonna do it up as a project,
and when it's ready,

I thought we might
take to the open road

and have ourselves
a little adventure.

The neighbours are gonna love
having a half-finished camper

rotting on the street.
Mm.

I love it.

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