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1
00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:04,894
It's happening again.
2
00:00:05,078 --> 00:00:07,329
Rosa, Rosa, Hitchcock fell
asleep in the break room.
3
00:00:07,364 --> 00:00:09,117
I pranked him.
I tied his shoelaces together.
4
00:00:09,153 --> 00:00:10,139
You're 38 years old, dude.
5
00:00:10,175 --> 00:00:12,067
I know, and yet my pranks
still stay so fresh.
6
00:00:12,102 --> 00:00:13,068
It's incredible.
7
00:00:13,103 --> 00:00:15,137
You gotta untie his shoes
before he gets hurt.
8
00:00:15,172 --> 00:00:16,806
Look, seriously?
9
00:00:16,841 --> 00:00:18,808
- Seriously.
- Fine.
10
00:00:18,954 --> 00:00:20,643
But what's the worst thing
that could happen?
11
00:00:21,412 --> 00:00:22,745
He's being strangled to death!
12
00:00:22,780 --> 00:00:23,813
How?
13
00:00:37,977 --> 00:00:41,977
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
14
00:00:49,105 --> 00:00:51,907
- So you still annoyed?
- Yes.
15
00:00:51,942 --> 00:00:53,608
You can't keep saying "mischief managed"
16
00:00:53,643 --> 00:00:55,043
after we finish sex.
17
00:00:55,078 --> 00:00:56,091
It's what Harry Potter says
18
00:00:56,127 --> 00:00:57,716
when he needs to clear
the Marauder's Map.
19
00:00:57,752 --> 00:01:00,015
Obviously, I know that,
but I would prefer
20
00:01:00,050 --> 00:01:02,183
to keep wizard terms
out of our sex life.
21
00:01:02,218 --> 00:01:03,552
But what we're doing is magical.
22
00:01:03,587 --> 00:01:04,947
We're making a baby.
23
00:01:06,516 --> 00:01:07,563
Wait, why'd you stop the elevator?
24
00:01:07,599 --> 00:01:11,026
Look, I know you're excited,
and I am too,
25
00:01:11,061 --> 00:01:12,568
but I really don't want to talk
26
00:01:12,604 --> 00:01:14,908
about us trying to get pregnant
while we're at work.
27
00:01:15,026 --> 00:01:16,682
You haven't said anything
to Charles, right?
28
00:01:16,718 --> 00:01:18,283
No, and it's killing me.
29
00:01:18,319 --> 00:01:20,299
I still don't get why you can
tell Rosa but I can't tell him.
30
00:01:20,335 --> 00:01:21,368
Rosa's low key.
31
00:01:21,404 --> 00:01:22,437
Charles can be low key.
32
00:01:22,754 --> 00:01:24,093
So how was everyone's weekend?
33
00:01:24,129 --> 00:01:25,373
Oh, uh, we bought a couch.
34
00:01:25,408 --> 00:01:27,475
Hoo-hoo, tell me everything!
35
00:01:27,816 --> 00:01:29,652
Okay, fine, he can be a bit much.
36
00:01:30,537 --> 00:01:31,646
But don't worry.
37
00:01:31,681 --> 00:01:33,986
I have a plan that guarantees
I'm not gonna tell him.
38
00:01:34,429 --> 00:01:35,682
I've cut him out of my life completely.
39
00:01:35,718 --> 00:01:36,818
That doesn't seem sustainable.
40
00:01:36,853 --> 00:01:38,987
Yeah, well, so far, it's working
41
00:01:39,022 --> 00:01:40,354
and it's foolproof, so...
42
00:01:40,389 --> 00:01:41,426
Morning!
43
00:01:41,624 --> 00:01:43,334
- Jake, can I talk to you for a second?
- Mm-hmm.
44
00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:45,026
I feel like we haven't
hung out in forever.
45
00:01:45,062 --> 00:01:46,543
Oh, is that so? I didn't realize.
Is that the case?
46
00:01:46,579 --> 00:01:47,895
You wanna get a drink
after work tonight?
47
00:01:47,930 --> 00:01:50,130
I'm dying to tell you about
Genevieve's new shampoo.
48
00:01:50,165 --> 00:01:51,165
It's edible.
49
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:52,532
Oh, wow, that sounds so fun,
50
00:01:52,567 --> 00:01:55,869
but I actually... can't
because I have plans
51
00:01:55,904 --> 00:01:58,138
with Ted Crap... It's a friend of Amy's.
52
00:01:58,173 --> 00:02:00,518
The point is, I'm unavailable
for a very real reason.
53
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:01,596
Jake!
54
00:02:01,844 --> 00:02:03,010
- Oh, my God, is that...
- Boyle!
55
00:02:03,045 --> 00:02:04,178
It does sound like...
56
00:02:04,213 --> 00:02:06,647
It's me, Adrian Pimento.
57
00:02:06,683 --> 00:02:07,749
Yeah, we know.
58
00:02:07,785 --> 00:02:08,850
Hi, Adrian. How are you?
59
00:02:08,886 --> 00:02:11,048
Very bad, someone's trying to kill me.
60
00:02:11,486 --> 00:02:13,153
Before we wrap up this briefing,
61
00:02:13,188 --> 00:02:14,911
I wanted to give a few shout-outs.
62
00:02:15,324 --> 00:02:17,390
Diaz, great job on that B&E.
63
00:02:17,425 --> 00:02:20,060
You are a good cop
with a great attitude.
64
00:02:20,095 --> 00:02:22,129
- I don't like this.
- Santiago, when I think
65
00:02:22,164 --> 00:02:25,833
of your CompStat reports,
one word comes to mind: wow.
66
00:02:25,868 --> 00:02:28,668
And that "WOW" is an acronym
for "wow, oh, wow."
67
00:02:28,703 --> 00:02:30,070
- What is happening?
- He's buttering us up
68
00:02:30,105 --> 00:02:32,702
before giving us some
devastatingly bad news.
69
00:02:32,738 --> 00:02:34,945
My God, Jake and Charles are dead.
70
00:02:34,981 --> 00:02:36,676
Jake and Charles are not dead.
71
00:02:36,711 --> 00:02:37,878
It's worse than that.
72
00:02:37,913 --> 00:02:39,646
We have to do our annual HR seminar
73
00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:41,147
on workplace conflict tomorrow.
74
00:02:41,182 --> 00:02:42,315
What? Already?
75
00:02:42,350 --> 00:02:44,083
I know. I know.
76
00:02:44,118 --> 00:02:46,486
These seminars are not exactly
our favorite things.
77
00:02:46,521 --> 00:02:47,587
Question: if I get shot
78
00:02:47,622 --> 00:02:49,055
in the line of duty, can I miss it?
79
00:02:49,090 --> 00:02:50,189
Legally, you still have to make it up.
80
00:02:50,224 --> 00:02:51,224
Well, there goes that plan.
81
00:02:51,259 --> 00:02:53,980
Sir, it's a seminar
that's too boring for me.
82
00:02:54,078 --> 00:02:56,112
I'm saying no to a seminar.
83
00:02:56,148 --> 00:02:58,063
Look, it's mandatory,
it's not up for debate,
84
00:02:58,099 --> 00:02:59,199
but we'll get through it
85
00:02:59,235 --> 00:03:00,832
'cause we're the best squad in the city
86
00:03:01,369 --> 00:03:03,870
with the nicest hair, the kindest eyes.
87
00:03:03,905 --> 00:03:06,071
He's buttering us up again,
so more bad news is coming.
88
00:03:07,041 --> 00:03:08,608
HR said they're sending a funny guy.
89
00:03:08,643 --> 00:03:10,277
No!
90
00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:13,680
All I know is, I woke up
in a pool of my own blood
91
00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:16,115
next to a metal chair
that had a dent in it
92
00:03:16,150 --> 00:03:18,286
the same shape as my head.
93
00:03:18,322 --> 00:03:19,452
What were you doing before the attack?
94
00:03:19,487 --> 00:03:21,554
I was sitting in said
metal chair watching
95
00:03:21,589 --> 00:03:23,890
the season two premiere
of "The Masked Singer."
96
00:03:23,925 --> 00:03:26,860
The Egg had just gone,
and I'm pretty sure I know who it is,
97
00:03:26,895 --> 00:03:27,828
Sara Gilbert.
98
00:03:27,864 --> 00:03:29,796
- That doesn't make any sense.
- Are you kidding?
99
00:03:29,831 --> 00:03:31,563
You don't think I know
how Darlene walks?
100
00:03:31,598 --> 00:03:32,698
No, no, no, no, I'm sure you do,
101
00:03:32,733 --> 00:03:35,601
it's just "The Masked Singer"
ended four months ago.
102
00:03:35,636 --> 00:03:37,202
I still can't believe
that the Bowl of Ramen
103
00:03:37,237 --> 00:03:38,270
wasn't Dikembe Mutombo.
104
00:03:38,305 --> 00:03:39,271
Four month... no, no, no.
105
00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:40,646
I watched this last night.
106
00:03:40,791 --> 00:03:42,691
That doesn't make any...
107
00:03:42,843 --> 00:03:44,219
Where am I?
108
00:03:44,678 --> 00:03:46,645
- What is that table?
- Calm down.
109
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,080
You're at the nine-nine,
and you know what a table is.
110
00:03:49,115 --> 00:03:50,616
I don't remember coming here.
How did I get here?
111
00:03:50,651 --> 00:03:51,834
Oh, my God.
112
00:03:52,619 --> 00:03:54,420
Pimento has "Memento" disease.
113
00:03:54,455 --> 00:03:55,954
Your memory is resetting
114
00:03:55,989 --> 00:03:57,849
like the guy from the movie "Memento."
115
00:03:58,525 --> 00:03:59,892
- What?
- You guys never saw "Memento"?
116
00:03:59,927 --> 00:04:01,727
It's the guy with no short-term memory,
117
00:04:01,762 --> 00:04:03,328
you know,
Christopher Nolan's first movie.
118
00:04:03,363 --> 00:04:05,063
Is it like Dory from "Finding Dory,"
119
00:04:05,098 --> 00:04:06,223
she keeps forgetting
where she's swimming?
120
00:04:06,259 --> 00:04:08,667
- No, no, it's like...
- Dory, yeah, yeah, yeah!
121
00:04:08,702 --> 00:04:10,569
I'm like the forgetful little fish.
122
00:04:10,604 --> 00:04:12,307
- Ah.
- Oh, I mean, yeah, it's like that,
123
00:04:12,343 --> 00:04:13,772
- but it's also like...
- Just keep swimming!
124
00:04:13,807 --> 00:04:15,607
- That's what Dory says.
- Classic Dory, Jake!
125
00:04:15,642 --> 00:04:16,909
Ugh, you guys really ruined
126
00:04:16,944 --> 00:04:18,444
the coolness of this "Memento" thing.
127
00:04:18,479 --> 00:04:19,912
Also, Jake, "Following"
128
00:04:19,947 --> 00:04:21,480
is Christopher Nolan's first movie.
129
00:04:21,515 --> 00:04:23,647
You sound like a grade A
[bleep] out here.
130
00:04:24,550 --> 00:04:25,683
What's up, squad?
131
00:04:25,718 --> 00:04:28,920
Hope y'all like condiments
because I got all the sauce.
132
00:04:28,955 --> 00:04:29,887
Huh?
133
00:04:29,922 --> 00:04:31,789
I arrested a tween shoplifter yesterday,
134
00:04:31,824 --> 00:04:34,159
and she was real cool at talking.
135
00:04:34,194 --> 00:04:36,927
I love you, Amy, but maybe
slang isn't your thing.
136
00:04:37,130 --> 00:04:38,796
Whatevs.
137
00:04:38,831 --> 00:04:40,531
Check it: I got a copy
138
00:04:40,566 --> 00:04:43,080
of last year's workplace
conflict presentation.
139
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,837
All we have to do
is study the crap out of it,
140
00:04:45,872 --> 00:04:47,472
then we can answer every question
141
00:04:47,507 --> 00:04:49,941
before that tool from HR even asks it.
142
00:04:50,176 --> 00:04:51,376
We'll be done in no time.
143
00:04:51,411 --> 00:04:53,778
So your solution for getting
us out of the boring seminar
144
00:04:53,813 --> 00:04:55,947
is having us memorize
the boring seminar.
145
00:04:55,982 --> 00:04:56,971
Exactly.
146
00:04:57,007 --> 00:04:58,537
It's genius, and it's fun.
147
00:04:58,674 --> 00:05:00,302
I love committing things to memory.
148
00:05:00,338 --> 00:05:01,857
Yeah, I'm out. I don't do homework.
149
00:05:01,893 --> 00:05:03,221
You do now.
150
00:05:03,256 --> 00:05:05,957
- Get busy, ya flope.
- Flope?
151
00:05:05,992 --> 00:05:08,125
It means loser, okay? It's new slang.
152
00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:10,428
People are saying it! The tween said so!
153
00:05:10,563 --> 00:05:11,996
It just doesn't make any sense.
154
00:05:12,031 --> 00:05:14,465
I mean, you love "The Dark Knight,"
you love "Inception,"
155
00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:16,367
and you haven't even seen "Memento"?
156
00:05:16,402 --> 00:05:17,702
Jake, I don't know what to tell ya.
157
00:05:17,738 --> 00:05:19,236
I spend a lot of time
in jungles, you know.
158
00:05:19,271 --> 00:05:20,972
They don't exactly get movies like that.
159
00:05:21,007 --> 00:05:23,173
It's usually big blockbusters
like "Finding Dory."
160
00:05:23,208 --> 00:05:24,809
486 million domestic.
161
00:05:24,844 --> 00:05:27,144
When you factor in
international, 1.2 billion.
162
00:05:27,179 --> 00:05:29,580
Look, Adrian, we don't
have a ton to go off on here.
163
00:05:29,615 --> 00:05:30,748
What else has been
going on in your life?
164
00:05:30,783 --> 00:05:31,816
Normal stuff.
165
00:05:31,851 --> 00:05:33,317
Ooh, I got hired as a PI
166
00:05:33,352 --> 00:05:35,085
by the Countess Luann
from "Real Housewives."
167
00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:38,022
I ended up sleeping with her
in a tiny hotel Jacuzzi.
168
00:05:38,057 --> 00:05:39,824
I also microwaved a watermelon
169
00:05:39,859 --> 00:05:41,023
just to see if it would explode.
170
00:05:41,059 --> 00:05:42,659
Okay, this is immediately unhelpful,
171
00:05:42,695 --> 00:05:45,362
but did the watermelon explode?
172
00:05:45,397 --> 00:05:46,931
It just cracked and got hot.
173
00:05:46,966 --> 00:05:48,488
- Oh.
- Total bust.
174
00:05:48,524 --> 00:05:49,667
Hey, maybe one of your PI cases
175
00:05:49,702 --> 00:05:50,567
is the reason you got attacked.
176
00:05:50,602 --> 00:05:52,669
I thought of that too, but I doubt it.
177
00:05:52,704 --> 00:05:55,005
You know, they're all the same,
kinda boring.
178
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:58,508
It's some redheaded lady wants
me to hack her husband's phone
179
00:05:58,543 --> 00:06:01,611
to see if he's cheating with
a spin instructor named Kendra.
180
00:06:01,646 --> 00:06:02,631
It seems a little specific
181
00:06:02,667 --> 00:06:04,247
that they would all
be like that, but okay.
182
00:06:05,235 --> 00:06:06,488
Where is that coming from?
183
00:06:06,524 --> 00:06:08,117
Oh, my God, there's a bomb in my chest!
184
00:06:08,152 --> 00:06:09,786
- What?
- They put a bomb in my chest!
185
00:06:09,821 --> 00:06:11,220
What do we do?
186
00:06:13,825 --> 00:06:15,559
Wait a second, the sound's
coming from my little watch.
187
00:06:16,895 --> 00:06:18,562
You just assumed
there was a bomb inside you?
188
00:06:18,597 --> 00:06:21,629
It says, "Take pill, right jacket Po"...
189
00:06:22,660 --> 00:06:24,788
I've never seen these before in my life.
190
00:06:25,770 --> 00:06:27,403
This was filled three days ago.
191
00:06:27,438 --> 00:06:30,405
This doctor must be
treating you for your...
192
00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:32,207
"Finding Dory" Disease,
193
00:06:32,242 --> 00:06:34,376
that's what most people call
anterograde amnesia.
194
00:06:34,411 --> 00:06:35,744
Just keep swimming.
195
00:06:35,779 --> 00:06:37,580
Exactly, that's what I tell my patients,
196
00:06:37,615 --> 00:06:38,714
just keep swimming.
197
00:06:38,749 --> 00:06:40,883
So what do you think
caused Pimento's memory loss?
198
00:06:40,918 --> 00:06:42,885
Probably years of repeated head trauma.
199
00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:44,666
I've been working as a neurologist
200
00:06:44,702 --> 00:06:47,990
for over two decades,
and I have never seen a patient
201
00:06:48,025 --> 00:06:49,792
with more traumatic head injuries.
202
00:06:49,827 --> 00:06:50,960
Well, doesn't look so bad.
203
00:06:50,995 --> 00:06:53,217
- The red is the good parts.
- Oh, my God.
204
00:06:53,358 --> 00:06:54,597
Oh, I guess it does make sense.
205
00:06:54,632 --> 00:06:55,831
Pimento lives pretty hard.
206
00:06:55,939 --> 00:06:57,099
I locked my keys in the car again.
207
00:06:57,134 --> 00:06:58,767
I guess I'll have to smash the window.
208
00:06:58,802 --> 00:07:00,395
Actually, I got a hammer in my car.
209
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:03,472
Come on, everybody knows
210
00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:05,240
the skull is the hammer of the body.
211
00:07:05,275 --> 00:07:06,575
Yeah, that's not true.
212
00:07:06,610 --> 00:07:07,775
What? Really?
213
00:07:07,810 --> 00:07:09,944
Okay, well, then this is on me.
214
00:07:09,979 --> 00:07:11,779
Look, this morning,
Pimento was screaming
215
00:07:11,814 --> 00:07:13,081
about someone trying to kill him.
216
00:07:13,116 --> 00:07:14,485
Has he said anything like that to you?
217
00:07:14,521 --> 00:07:16,684
He has, but I've seen him
every day for weeks,
218
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,481
and I haven't noticed any new injuries,
219
00:07:18,517 --> 00:07:21,523
but the medication he's on
may be making him paranoid.
220
00:07:21,558 --> 00:07:22,824
Really? Because he doesn't...
221
00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:24,759
There's a bomb in my chest!
222
00:07:25,962 --> 00:07:27,397
Right, he does keep doing that.
223
00:07:28,898 --> 00:07:29,864
Hey, it was nice of you
224
00:07:29,899 --> 00:07:31,433
to let Pimento crash
at your place last night.
225
00:07:31,468 --> 00:07:32,434
How'd it go?
226
00:07:32,469 --> 00:07:33,468
Oh, well, he gave Nikolaj
227
00:07:33,503 --> 00:07:34,536
a haircut while he was asleep,
228
00:07:34,571 --> 00:07:37,339
but no weird memory stuff,
so all in all, major win.
229
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,141
Great, so it sounds like
he might be getting better.
230
00:07:39,176 --> 00:07:40,942
Ah, someone's trying to kill me!
231
00:07:40,978 --> 00:07:42,101
Oh, boy, here we go again.
232
00:07:42,137 --> 00:07:44,425
- Ah, gah!
- Pimento, Pimento, Pimento!
233
00:07:44,814 --> 00:07:46,480
Don't worry. Everything's okay.
234
00:07:46,515 --> 00:07:47,682
You've had some brain trauma,
235
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:48,950
and it caused you to lose your memory.
236
00:07:48,985 --> 00:07:50,217
You're scared that you're in danger,
237
00:07:50,252 --> 00:07:52,887
but there is no evidence that
anyone is trying to kill you.
238
00:07:52,922 --> 00:07:54,288
- You're safe.
- Wait, wait, really?
239
00:07:54,323 --> 00:07:56,289
Whew, okay.
240
00:07:56,324 --> 00:07:57,524
Thank you.
241
00:07:57,559 --> 00:07:59,292
I was really worried, you know,
'cause of this gunshot wound.
242
00:07:59,327 --> 00:08:01,128
Oh, my God, someone's
trying to kill you!
243
00:08:01,163 --> 00:08:03,730
What? You just told me
that wasn't the case!
244
00:08:04,934 --> 00:08:06,035
So there I am, naked,
245
00:08:06,071 --> 00:08:07,429
still holding the hedge trimmers
246
00:08:07,465 --> 00:08:10,133
when the chauffeur walks in and I say,
247
00:08:10,368 --> 00:08:11,500
"Guess you caught me red-handed."
248
00:08:11,535 --> 00:08:13,469
- Because of the blood?
- Yeah, because of the blood!
249
00:08:13,504 --> 00:08:14,470
See, you get it.
250
00:08:15,974 --> 00:08:17,473
The bullet went through
your friend's shoulder.
251
00:08:17,508 --> 00:08:19,976
He should be fine,
although he does keep asking me
252
00:08:20,011 --> 00:08:21,510
if we do the "Face/Off" surgery here.
253
00:08:21,653 --> 00:08:23,420
And what'd you tell him?
254
00:08:23,646 --> 00:08:24,679
That we don't.
255
00:08:24,715 --> 00:08:25,748
Right.
256
00:08:27,152 --> 00:08:28,851
- She's hiding something.
- Obviously.
257
00:08:28,886 --> 00:08:31,320
Okay, Adrian, there's very
little evidence to go on,
258
00:08:31,355 --> 00:08:33,389
so we should take a look
at your PI case files.
259
00:08:33,424 --> 00:08:34,457
Don't have any.
260
00:08:34,492 --> 00:08:36,726
Keep everything right up here
in the old steel...
261
00:08:36,761 --> 00:08:37,793
Where am I?
262
00:08:37,828 --> 00:08:39,109
What is this bed?
263
00:08:39,145 --> 00:08:40,193
And his memory's resetting.
264
00:08:40,229 --> 00:08:41,593
All right, Adrian,
someone's trying to kill you.
265
00:08:41,629 --> 00:08:42,965
- Uh-huh.
- You have a memory disorder...
266
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,867
- That makes sense.
- Like in the movie "Memento."
267
00:08:44,902 --> 00:08:46,869
- I haven't seen that!
- It's like "Finding Dory."
268
00:08:46,904 --> 00:08:48,404
Oh, now I know exactly what's going on.
269
00:08:48,439 --> 00:08:49,472
Thank you, Charles.
270
00:08:49,507 --> 00:08:50,706
Okay, let's get you dressed
271
00:08:50,741 --> 00:08:52,007
and back to the precinct
where it's safe.
272
00:08:52,042 --> 00:08:53,055
Okay.
273
00:08:53,411 --> 00:08:54,877
Oh, Adrian, the back
of your gown's open.
274
00:08:54,912 --> 00:08:56,679
- Don't peek at my tushy.
- I'm not.
275
00:08:56,714 --> 00:08:59,248
Wait, since when is
your back covered in tattoos?
276
00:08:59,283 --> 00:09:00,349
It's not,
277
00:09:00,384 --> 00:09:02,628
otherwise I couldn't get buried
in a Jewish cemetery.
278
00:09:02,664 --> 00:09:03,863
- Are you Jewish?
- Not yet.
279
00:09:03,899 --> 00:09:06,301
Ooh, I should ask that nurse if
they've got a mohel on staff.
280
00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:07,922
Wait, maybe you've been getting tattoos
281
00:09:07,958 --> 00:09:09,592
to help you remember things,
like the guy in "Memento."
282
00:09:09,627 --> 00:09:10,926
Again, haven't seen it.
283
00:09:10,961 --> 00:09:12,695
No, the tattoos could be clues
284
00:09:12,730 --> 00:09:13,783
that you're leaving for yourself.
285
00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:14,885
Here, we'll step out.
286
00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:16,732
You get undressed and write
down everything you see,
287
00:09:16,767 --> 00:09:18,901
- and you're fully naked.
- Hey-oh!
288
00:09:18,936 --> 00:09:20,702
All right, well, I guess
we're looking at 'em together.
289
00:09:20,737 --> 00:09:21,736
Hello, squad.
290
00:09:21,771 --> 00:09:23,338
My name is Brad Portenberg,
291
00:09:23,373 --> 00:09:26,371
and today I'm gonna teach you
about workplace conflict.
292
00:09:27,110 --> 00:09:30,044
So I brought along someone
who's an expert in conflict:
293
00:09:30,613 --> 00:09:32,013
my ex-wife.
294
00:09:33,717 --> 00:09:34,850
Just kidding.
295
00:09:34,885 --> 00:09:36,283
She lives in Vermont with our kids.
296
00:09:36,319 --> 00:09:38,854
So can anyone tell me
what a stereotype is?
297
00:09:38,889 --> 00:09:40,588
The Irish are potato-eating drunks.
298
00:09:40,623 --> 00:09:41,957
- And the gays...
- No, no, no,
299
00:09:41,992 --> 00:09:44,226
what does the word "stereotype" mean?
300
00:09:44,261 --> 00:09:45,894
- Uh...
- I got this, fellas.
301
00:09:45,929 --> 00:09:47,595
It's a preconceived,
often prejudiced notion
302
00:09:47,630 --> 00:09:48,831
about a group of people.
303
00:09:48,866 --> 00:09:51,099
Great, and can anyone tell me
what a protected class is?
304
00:09:51,134 --> 00:09:53,068
A group of people
with a common characteristic
305
00:09:53,103 --> 00:09:55,103
that is legally protected
from employment discrimination.
306
00:09:55,138 --> 00:09:56,655
And how many protected
classes are there?
307
00:09:56,691 --> 00:09:58,092
- 20.
- Wow.
308
00:09:58,228 --> 00:10:00,267
It seems like
I have myself a star pupil.
309
00:10:00,303 --> 00:10:02,077
Honey, you have no idea.
310
00:10:02,312 --> 00:10:04,612
"Extra ranch, no tomato, no cilantro."
311
00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:06,114
These are just a list of modifications
312
00:10:06,149 --> 00:10:08,029
on a signature salad from Panera.
313
00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:10,384
Okay, this one says, "Buy toilet paper"
314
00:10:10,419 --> 00:10:12,720
in a truly gigantic font.
315
00:10:12,755 --> 00:10:14,088
I hate to think of the horrific event
316
00:10:14,123 --> 00:10:15,890
that led to a reminder of this size.
317
00:10:15,925 --> 00:10:19,460
This says your bank account
number is 432211378,
318
00:10:19,495 --> 00:10:20,761
then just under that,
319
00:10:20,796 --> 00:10:22,429
"Someone saw this and stole your money."
320
00:10:22,464 --> 00:10:23,797
- Aw.
- Ew.
321
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:25,632
This just says, "Don't trust your D."
322
00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:27,501
Okay, well, that's good advice.
323
00:10:27,536 --> 00:10:29,003
My D does get me in a lot of trouble.
324
00:10:29,038 --> 00:10:30,804
Are you sure that's what
the D stands for?
325
00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:31,939
Oh, it's for sure my dong.
326
00:10:31,974 --> 00:10:35,343
It could tell some stories:
Costa Rica in '98, Nam.
327
00:10:35,378 --> 00:10:36,844
It's coming up.
328
00:10:36,879 --> 00:10:38,479
Oh, no, there's a bomb in my chest!
329
00:10:38,514 --> 00:10:39,580
Save yourselves!
330
00:10:39,615 --> 00:10:41,482
No, no, no, no, it's just
your little watch, okay?
331
00:10:41,517 --> 00:10:42,917
Means it's time for you
to take your pills.
332
00:10:42,952 --> 00:10:44,352
You keep them in your right coat pocket.
333
00:10:44,387 --> 00:10:46,330
Oh, okay.
334
00:10:46,722 --> 00:10:47,989
- Where's my coat?
- It's down in my car.
335
00:10:48,024 --> 00:10:49,656
Ah, I'll go get it. You stay here.
336
00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:50,824
No, no, no, your penis is out.
337
00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:52,252
- I'll go.
- Okay.
338
00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:55,794
Whew, boy, I love
that little guy, right?
339
00:10:55,830 --> 00:10:56,829
Yeah.
340
00:10:57,765 --> 00:10:59,432
Oh, my phone's ringing. Gotta grab it.
341
00:10:59,467 --> 00:11:00,666
- It's Amy.
- Aw, Ames!
342
00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:01,701
Put her on FaceTime.
343
00:11:01,736 --> 00:11:03,336
Wha? No.
344
00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:05,438
- Come on!
- Hey, what's going on?
345
00:11:05,473 --> 00:11:07,040
Hey, just checking in.
346
00:11:07,075 --> 00:11:08,674
How's it going with Charles?
347
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:10,443
I know how hard this is for you.
348
00:11:10,478 --> 00:11:11,511
Have you told him anything?
349
00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:12,678
Nope, we're still all good.
350
00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:13,813
He has no idea that we are
351
00:11:13,848 --> 00:11:16,049
growing a Whomping Willow
in your Chamber of Secrets.
352
00:11:16,084 --> 00:11:18,018
Well, I have to get back to the seminar.
353
00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:19,786
Also, you've ruined sex forever.
354
00:11:19,821 --> 00:11:20,820
Yep, I heard it.
355
00:11:20,855 --> 00:11:21,821
I don't know why I keep doing it.
356
00:11:21,856 --> 00:11:23,080
I love you. Bye.
357
00:11:23,658 --> 00:11:24,740
What was all that about?
358
00:11:24,776 --> 00:11:26,492
Oh, I actually really can't tell you.
359
00:11:26,527 --> 00:11:28,028
No, wait a minute,
you're the only person
360
00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:29,362
that I can tell because
your brain's broken.
361
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:30,730
Anything I say, you'll just forget.
362
00:11:30,765 --> 00:11:32,299
Well, I guess that's true.
Give it to me.
363
00:11:32,334 --> 00:11:33,666
Amy and I are trying to have a baby.
364
00:11:33,701 --> 00:11:36,669
What? Jake, that's wonderful.
365
00:11:36,704 --> 00:11:37,737
Come on, bring it in.
366
00:11:37,772 --> 00:11:39,705
I'd rather not,
but it still feels really nice
367
00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:41,041
to talk to someone about it finally.
368
00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:43,043
But I'm gonna be a dad. It's so crazy.
369
00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:44,709
Hey, don't mention this around Charles.
370
00:11:44,744 --> 00:11:46,711
Where am I?
371
00:11:46,746 --> 00:11:47,847
Oh, perfect.
372
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:50,382
Listen, Denise,
I felt personally attacked
373
00:11:50,417 --> 00:11:52,684
when you included sesame bagels
at the bagel brunch
374
00:11:52,719 --> 00:11:54,053
knowing full well I'm allergic.
375
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,254
I developed a rash.
376
00:11:55,289 --> 00:11:56,178
Says you, Ainsley.
377
00:11:56,214 --> 00:11:58,357
I believe food allergies are a hoax.
378
00:11:58,392 --> 00:12:01,327
Perhaps your rash is from
all that makeup you wear.
379
00:12:01,362 --> 00:12:04,930
This is an office,
not some downtown dancery.
380
00:12:04,965 --> 00:12:06,065
Okay, great.
381
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:08,900
Now, in this roleplay, who can
tell me what went wrong?
382
00:12:08,935 --> 00:12:10,702
Denise should have made
reasonable accommodations
383
00:12:10,737 --> 00:12:12,071
given Ainsley's medical issue.
384
00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:14,006
Ainsley unnecessarily
heightened the conflict
385
00:12:14,041 --> 00:12:15,941
by assuming that Denise
had a personal vendetta,
386
00:12:15,976 --> 00:12:16,942
and Denise shouldn't have responded
387
00:12:16,977 --> 00:12:19,111
to Ainsley's complaint
with an ad hominem attack.
388
00:12:19,146 --> 00:12:20,679
- My thoughts exactly.
- I concur.
389
00:12:20,714 --> 00:12:21,948
- Yep.
- Wow.
390
00:12:22,649 --> 00:12:24,160
I'm really disappointed...
391
00:12:24,758 --> 00:12:26,718
that I have nothing to correct you on.
392
00:12:26,753 --> 00:12:28,187
That was amazing.
393
00:12:28,222 --> 00:12:29,888
I have never had a group finish
394
00:12:29,923 --> 00:12:32,023
this entire seminar that quickly before.
395
00:12:32,058 --> 00:12:34,292
It reminds me of
a really funny joke about...
396
00:12:34,327 --> 00:12:35,594
Ha, ha, I'm laughing already.
397
00:12:35,629 --> 00:12:37,462
Great seminar, sad it's over,
398
00:12:37,497 --> 00:12:38,730
but it is, so see ya.
399
00:12:38,765 --> 00:12:40,298
Actually, I have good news.
400
00:12:40,333 --> 00:12:42,200
State law requires that this seminar
401
00:12:42,235 --> 00:12:43,802
be no less than six hours,
402
00:12:43,837 --> 00:12:45,770
so I guess we'll spend
the next two hours
403
00:12:45,805 --> 00:12:47,438
diving into specific conflicts
404
00:12:47,473 --> 00:12:49,641
about this workplace and solving them.
405
00:12:49,676 --> 00:12:50,748
But we beat you.
406
00:12:51,177 --> 00:12:52,443
We beat you with study.
407
00:12:52,478 --> 00:12:54,245
Brad, my funny friend,
408
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:55,747
we don't need this training.
409
00:12:55,782 --> 00:12:57,448
We don't have any workplace conflicts.
410
00:12:57,483 --> 00:13:00,719
Oh, there's always conflict somewhere.
411
00:13:00,754 --> 00:13:04,455
Now, it could be something
small, like a pet peeve, or...
412
00:13:04,490 --> 00:13:07,125
Hitchcock slept with my wife,
Kelly, in 1988!
413
00:13:07,716 --> 00:13:10,859
So Kelly was his wife, not his dog.
414
00:13:12,365 --> 00:13:14,232
Hey, before Charles gets back,
415
00:13:14,267 --> 00:13:15,766
there's a few more secrets I
want to say out loud to someone
416
00:13:15,801 --> 00:13:16,800
who will immediately forget them.
417
00:13:16,835 --> 00:13:17,835
- Give 'em to me.
- In 11th grade,
418
00:13:17,870 --> 00:13:20,138
I told everyone I was
going to a Megadeth concert,
419
00:13:20,173 --> 00:13:22,139
but it was actually Melissa
Etheridge, and I loved it.
420
00:13:22,175 --> 00:13:24,114
Also, one time, I ate a dog biscuit
421
00:13:24,150 --> 00:13:25,250
just to see what it tasted like.
422
00:13:25,286 --> 00:13:26,644
I get it. They're delicious.
423
00:13:26,679 --> 00:13:27,811
They're not bad.
424
00:13:27,846 --> 00:13:28,880
Oh, here comes Charles.
425
00:13:29,115 --> 00:13:30,481
Hey, man, did you get Pimento's meds?
426
00:13:30,516 --> 00:13:32,150
- Sure did.
- Aw, thanks, Chuck.
427
00:13:32,185 --> 00:13:35,319
See, this is gonna make me
feel a lot better.
428
00:13:35,354 --> 00:13:37,488
I grabbed you a water from
the hospital to wash 'em down.
429
00:13:37,523 --> 00:13:39,123
Aw, thanks, Jake.
430
00:13:39,158 --> 00:13:40,750
You're gonna make a good dad.
431
00:13:40,786 --> 00:13:42,826
I'm so glad you and Amy
are taking that step.
432
00:13:42,861 --> 00:13:44,622
What? How did you...
433
00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:46,330
What about your memory reset?
434
00:13:46,365 --> 00:13:48,099
You and Amy are trying to have a baby
435
00:13:48,134 --> 00:13:49,666
and you told Pimento and not me?
436
00:13:50,735 --> 00:13:52,469
They've got a Panera here?
437
00:13:52,504 --> 00:13:55,939
Okay, I love their salads
exactly as they come.
438
00:13:55,974 --> 00:13:57,107
Actually, you don't.
439
00:13:57,142 --> 00:13:58,228
Thanks, Jakey.
440
00:13:58,264 --> 00:14:00,329
See, you're gonna make a great dad.
441
00:14:00,812 --> 00:14:02,278
Stop saying that!
442
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:04,476
Hey.
443
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,865
So you wanna talk about
what happened before?
444
00:14:06,901 --> 00:14:08,125
You mean the "you telling
Pimento and not me
445
00:14:08,161 --> 00:14:09,438
that you're trying
to make a baby" thing?
446
00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:12,271
No, no, I'm totally fine.
447
00:14:12,306 --> 00:14:15,609
Hey, coffee guy, how would you
like be godfather to my son?
448
00:14:15,644 --> 00:14:17,310
Because a position just opened up.
449
00:14:17,345 --> 00:14:19,319
Okay, we're talking about this.
450
00:14:19,499 --> 00:14:21,314
Look, you're being unfair.
451
00:14:21,349 --> 00:14:22,482
There's some things in my life with Amy
452
00:14:22,517 --> 00:14:23,569
that are just between her and me,
453
00:14:23,605 --> 00:14:24,966
and I need you to be okay with that.
454
00:14:25,079 --> 00:14:26,278
Fine.
455
00:14:26,587 --> 00:14:28,114
You're right. I get it.
456
00:14:28,456 --> 00:14:29,990
I mean, it's not like
you told anyone else.
457
00:14:30,025 --> 00:14:31,169
Right.
458
00:14:32,127 --> 00:14:33,274
I mean...
459
00:14:34,796 --> 00:14:35,829
We told Rosa.
460
00:14:35,864 --> 00:14:37,396
Rosa, that dud?
461
00:14:37,431 --> 00:14:38,653
Oh, why her and not me?
462
00:14:38,689 --> 00:14:40,233
Sometimes you can be a little much.
463
00:14:40,268 --> 00:14:42,636
A little much? A little much!
464
00:14:42,671 --> 00:14:44,302
Yes, a little much.
465
00:14:44,337 --> 00:14:47,097
Well, maybe, Jake, I have
"Finding Dory" Disease too
466
00:14:47,133 --> 00:14:48,240
because right now,
467
00:14:48,275 --> 00:14:50,408
I can't remember
why we ever were friends!
468
00:14:50,443 --> 00:14:52,577
Okay, see, once again,
that was a little over the top.
469
00:14:52,612 --> 00:14:56,682
Excuse me, my godson's dad,
the crazy guy just ran away.
470
00:14:56,717 --> 00:14:58,150
Oh, my God, he's gone.
471
00:14:58,185 --> 00:14:59,952
- Pimento is gone.
- Just like our friendship!
472
00:14:59,987 --> 00:15:00,889
Come on, Charles.
473
00:15:00,925 --> 00:15:02,587
Well, I've got a bean to boil too.
474
00:15:02,622 --> 00:15:05,824
Santiago always tries
to finish my sentences
475
00:15:05,859 --> 00:15:07,192
and frequently gets it wrong.
476
00:15:07,227 --> 00:15:09,261
I do not, and I am not wrong.
477
00:15:09,296 --> 00:15:11,530
- You do it all the...
- Time?
478
00:15:11,565 --> 00:15:14,558
No, I was going to say,
"All the day long."
479
00:15:14,594 --> 00:15:15,801
See? Frequently wrong.
480
00:15:15,836 --> 00:15:18,803
I dogsat for Scully,
and he never thanked me.
481
00:15:19,073 --> 00:15:20,172
Kelly was a real handful.
482
00:15:20,207 --> 00:15:21,540
Wait, I'm confused again.
483
00:15:21,575 --> 00:15:23,642
- Kelly was a dog?
- There were two Kellys.
484
00:15:23,677 --> 00:15:26,211
You'd know that if you'd
ever listened to my podcast.
485
00:15:26,246 --> 00:15:27,345
Okay, dude, just relax.
486
00:15:27,380 --> 00:15:28,480
Don't tell us to relax
487
00:15:28,515 --> 00:15:30,716
just because you're too nice
to have any pet peeves.
488
00:15:30,751 --> 00:15:32,017
Oh, Terry's got peeves.
489
00:15:32,052 --> 00:15:34,653
Terry hates the way you always
make mouth noises when you eat.
490
00:15:34,688 --> 00:15:37,121
Nom, nom, I'm Rosa.
I'm eating a croissant.
491
00:15:37,157 --> 00:15:38,156
Nom, nom.
492
00:15:38,191 --> 00:15:39,791
How's this for a mouth noise? You suck.
493
00:15:39,826 --> 00:15:40,858
No, you suck!
494
00:15:40,893 --> 00:15:42,560
As do you, as do you and you!
495
00:15:42,595 --> 00:15:44,829
Oh, yeah? Well,
you're all a bunch of flopes.
496
00:15:44,864 --> 00:15:46,330
- Flopes?
- This is the flope right here.
497
00:15:49,668 --> 00:15:50,686
Okay, all right.
498
00:15:50,722 --> 00:15:53,738
Okay, guys, that is our six hours.
499
00:15:53,773 --> 00:15:55,472
The seminar is over.
500
00:15:55,507 --> 00:15:57,308
I'm really proud of you guys,
501
00:15:57,343 --> 00:15:59,474
lots of good progress here today.
502
00:15:59,510 --> 00:16:00,543
You're welcome.
503
00:16:00,613 --> 00:16:03,345
I'm Detective Boyle.
This is my partner, Jake.
504
00:16:03,615 --> 00:16:05,984
You probably think it's weird
that I said partner and not friend.
505
00:16:06,020 --> 00:16:07,085
- Not at all.
- Well, the point is
506
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,920
that we're strictly colleagues.
507
00:16:08,955 --> 00:16:10,088
Have you seen this man?
508
00:16:10,411 --> 00:16:12,757
Yeah, he was here a few
hours ago for a new tattoo.
509
00:16:12,792 --> 00:16:13,749
It was supposed to say,
510
00:16:13,785 --> 00:16:14,892
"Jake and Amy are trying
to have a baby."
511
00:16:14,927 --> 00:16:16,594
- Seriously?
- Aw.
512
00:16:16,629 --> 00:16:17,904
Wait a minute, what do you mean
"supposed to"?
513
00:16:17,940 --> 00:16:19,330
He jumped out of the chair
before I could finish,
514
00:16:19,365 --> 00:16:20,765
second time it's happened.
515
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,800
First time, he left with a tat
that said, "Don't trust your D."
516
00:16:22,835 --> 00:16:24,535
- That wasn't the whole tattoo?
- No.
517
00:16:24,570 --> 00:16:26,258
He wanted it to say,
"Don't trust your doctor."
518
00:16:26,432 --> 00:16:27,601
Oh, my God.
519
00:16:27,961 --> 00:16:30,107
Pimento's doctor is trying to kill him.
520
00:16:30,142 --> 00:16:31,575
He must have remembered something
521
00:16:31,610 --> 00:16:32,509
when he stopped taking his pills.
522
00:16:32,544 --> 00:16:33,996
The pills are what's messing
with his memory.
523
00:16:34,032 --> 00:16:35,546
We have to find him
before his doctor does.
524
00:16:35,581 --> 00:16:37,114
- Oh, I know where he's going.
- You do? Where?
525
00:16:37,149 --> 00:16:38,215
Said he's going to his doctor.
526
00:16:38,250 --> 00:16:39,257
Oh.
527
00:16:40,751 --> 00:16:41,742
Thanks.
528
00:16:43,155 --> 00:16:45,456
Detectives, good to see you again.
529
00:16:45,491 --> 00:16:47,358
Oh, I see, the villain playing it cool
530
00:16:47,393 --> 00:16:48,925
when confronted by the good guys,
531
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:51,395
just like Javier Bardem
in "No Country for Old Men."
532
00:16:53,332 --> 00:16:55,031
Do you guys only watch kids' movies?
533
00:16:55,066 --> 00:16:58,736
Whatever you're insinuating,
I assure you, you're incorrect.
534
00:16:58,771 --> 00:17:00,384
Cut the crap, Doc. We know everything.
535
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,406
That's right,
your wife hired Pimento as a PI
536
00:17:02,441 --> 00:17:03,940
to find out if you were cheating on her
537
00:17:03,975 --> 00:17:06,243
with your spin class instructor, Kendra.
538
00:17:06,278 --> 00:17:07,278
And you were,
539
00:17:07,313 --> 00:17:09,380
so you silenced Pimento
before he could tell her
540
00:17:09,415 --> 00:17:10,814
by drugging him to ruin his memory.
541
00:17:10,849 --> 00:17:12,548
- Now where is he?
- I haven't see him.
542
00:17:12,583 --> 00:17:14,484
Oh, please, you're making
this way too easy.
543
00:17:14,519 --> 00:17:15,919
You clearly just glanced at this door.
544
00:17:15,954 --> 00:17:17,287
Don't. He's not in there.
545
00:17:17,322 --> 00:17:19,256
Oh, really? Because I'm
pretty sure that he...
546
00:17:19,291 --> 00:17:20,423
isn't.
547
00:17:20,458 --> 00:17:21,391
But he clearly was.
548
00:17:21,426 --> 00:17:23,326
Jake, help!
549
00:17:23,361 --> 00:17:24,438
Pimento.
550
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:29,132
Got him.
551
00:17:29,167 --> 00:17:30,300
Help!
552
00:17:30,335 --> 00:17:31,645
Jake, what's happening?
553
00:17:31,681 --> 00:17:32,668
What is this ledge?
554
00:17:32,704 --> 00:17:34,337
You must have tried
to escape out the window
555
00:17:34,372 --> 00:17:35,806
and then your memory reset.
556
00:17:35,841 --> 00:17:37,107
What? I don't understand.
557
00:17:37,142 --> 00:17:38,474
Why would my memory reset?
558
00:17:38,509 --> 00:17:40,184
It's just like the film...
559
00:17:42,180 --> 00:17:43,533
"Finding Dory."
560
00:17:43,569 --> 00:17:45,481
- Huh?
- "Finding Dory."
561
00:17:45,516 --> 00:17:46,482
Ah, say no more!
562
00:17:46,517 --> 00:17:48,285
I completely understand!
563
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:49,853
Just stay where you are.
I'm gonna come get you.
564
00:17:49,888 --> 00:17:50,854
Okay.
565
00:17:51,189 --> 00:17:52,488
Should I go over here?
566
00:17:52,523 --> 00:17:53,790
No, why would you go over there?
567
00:17:53,825 --> 00:17:54,957
I don't know!
568
00:17:54,992 --> 00:17:56,693
I just woke up out here!
569
00:17:56,728 --> 00:17:57,673
Just stay still!
570
00:17:57,709 --> 00:17:59,362
Ah, I don't know what to do!
571
00:17:59,397 --> 00:18:01,698
Okay, all right. Here I come.
572
00:18:01,733 --> 00:18:02,737
Here I come.
573
00:18:02,773 --> 00:18:04,266
Uh, I'm scared of heights, Jake.
574
00:18:04,301 --> 00:18:06,644
Yeah, so am I, Adrian.
575
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:07,925
This might not be the time to tell you,
576
00:18:07,961 --> 00:18:10,553
but both my parents died
falling out of lighthouses,
577
00:18:10,842 --> 00:18:11,934
separate incidents.
578
00:18:11,970 --> 00:18:13,209
Oh, man, I have so many questions,
579
00:18:13,244 --> 00:18:15,177
but for now, just follow my lead, okay?
580
00:18:15,212 --> 00:18:17,313
- Okay.
- Take small little baby steps,
581
00:18:17,348 --> 00:18:18,448
like this.
582
00:18:20,422 --> 00:18:21,454
You're not moving!
583
00:18:21,490 --> 00:18:22,490
I'm not?
584
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:24,440
Oh, uh-oh.
585
00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:26,354
This is bad.
586
00:18:27,984 --> 00:18:29,655
Huh, I'm really scared, Jake.
587
00:18:29,691 --> 00:18:31,245
- I'm really scared.
- Yeah, I know,
588
00:18:31,281 --> 00:18:34,450
just try and look at one thing
and focus only on that
589
00:18:34,485 --> 00:18:35,984
until I can get Charles
out here to help.
590
00:18:36,019 --> 00:18:37,086
Okay, okay.
591
00:18:37,121 --> 00:18:39,555
Ooh, there's a juicy
old person butt in that window.
592
00:18:39,590 --> 00:18:41,623
Why's it gotta be juicy and old?
593
00:18:41,658 --> 00:18:43,556
I don't know, but I'm grateful for it.
594
00:18:43,592 --> 00:18:45,283
All right, just lock in on that.
595
00:18:45,395 --> 00:18:47,496
Hey, Charles, I know
you're still mad at me
596
00:18:47,531 --> 00:18:49,030
for not telling you
Amy and I are trying,
597
00:18:49,065 --> 00:18:50,198
but I could really use your help.
598
00:18:50,233 --> 00:18:51,566
That's not all I'm mad about, Jake.
599
00:18:51,601 --> 00:18:53,501
I'm upset because
you keep blowing me off.
600
00:18:53,536 --> 00:18:55,369
We haven't hung out in weeks.
601
00:18:55,404 --> 00:18:56,905
We don't talk on the phone anymore.
602
00:18:56,940 --> 00:18:59,307
I can't remember the last time
we painted pottery together.
603
00:18:59,342 --> 00:19:02,210
Sorry, I know this isn't
the time to talk about this.
604
00:19:02,245 --> 00:19:03,511
No, no, no, keep going.
605
00:19:03,546 --> 00:19:04,713
It's helping to distract me
from the fact
606
00:19:04,748 --> 00:19:06,380
that I could fall and instantly die.
607
00:19:06,415 --> 00:19:08,382
Oh, no, from this height,
it wouldn't be instant.
608
00:19:08,417 --> 00:19:10,752
When you hit the ground,
your ribs would shatter,
609
00:19:10,787 --> 00:19:12,086
puncturing your lungs.
610
00:19:12,421 --> 00:19:15,523
You'd start to drown on
your own blood, gurgling and...
611
00:19:15,558 --> 00:19:16,725
Okay, Adrian, I'm being distracted
612
00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:17,892
by Charles right now, thank you.
613
00:19:17,927 --> 00:19:18,927
Okay.
614
00:19:18,962 --> 00:19:20,028
Here, take... take my hand.
615
00:19:20,063 --> 00:19:21,395
I can guide you guys back.
616
00:19:21,430 --> 00:19:23,731
Come on, we're a chain. Here we go.
617
00:19:23,766 --> 00:19:25,665
- Just keep swimming.
- Oh, just keep swimming.
618
00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:27,033
- Just keep swimming.
- Oh, say it, Jake.
619
00:19:28,436 --> 00:19:29,402
Just keep swimming.
620
00:19:29,437 --> 00:19:30,703
- Good.
- Oh!
621
00:19:30,738 --> 00:19:31,704
Hey, just so you know,
622
00:19:31,739 --> 00:19:33,240
the only reason
that I've been avoiding you
623
00:19:33,275 --> 00:19:34,608
is because I really wanted to tell you
624
00:19:34,643 --> 00:19:35,509
what me and Amy have been up to,
625
00:19:35,544 --> 00:19:37,076
and I knew the second that I saw you,
626
00:19:37,111 --> 00:19:38,077
I would just blurt it out.
627
00:19:38,112 --> 00:19:39,412
I always tell you everything.
628
00:19:39,447 --> 00:19:41,047
I hated not being able to say anything.
629
00:19:41,082 --> 00:19:42,415
Aw, that's so sweet.
630
00:19:42,450 --> 00:19:45,418
Your love for each other
is really wonderful.
631
00:19:45,453 --> 00:19:46,959
Let's hug. Let's all hug.
632
00:19:46,995 --> 00:19:48,255
Oh, no, no, no,
we're still on the ledge!
633
00:19:55,597 --> 00:19:57,964
Okay, this sucks.
634
00:19:57,999 --> 00:20:00,767
We never fight,
and then stupid Brad comes in
635
00:20:00,802 --> 00:20:02,269
and turns us all against each other
636
00:20:02,304 --> 00:20:03,870
and now we're acting
like a bunch of kids.
637
00:20:03,905 --> 00:20:04,937
Not all kids.
638
00:20:04,972 --> 00:20:06,105
My girls never act like this.
639
00:20:06,140 --> 00:20:07,307
We may be arguing,
640
00:20:07,342 --> 00:20:08,832
but we're all thinking the same thing:
641
00:20:09,477 --> 00:20:10,743
Terry talks about his children too much.
642
00:20:10,778 --> 00:20:12,646
Do I really? You all think that?
643
00:20:12,681 --> 00:20:14,281
Keep a lid on the box, Pandora.
644
00:20:14,316 --> 00:20:15,282
You won't like what's inside.
645
00:20:15,317 --> 00:20:16,550
Everybody, shut up.
646
00:20:16,585 --> 00:20:18,284
You're all acting
like a bunch of Ramonas.
647
00:20:18,319 --> 00:20:19,952
- Ramona?
- Yeah, she hated the smell
648
00:20:19,987 --> 00:20:22,221
of her coworker's holiday
candle, so she threw it out.
649
00:20:22,256 --> 00:20:23,790
It was in that thing
that you made us memorize.
650
00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:25,222
You memorized it?
651
00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:27,459
But you said it was homework
and you don't do homework.
652
00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:29,295
Yeah, well, you said
to read it, so I read it.
653
00:20:29,330 --> 00:20:30,963
We're a team, ya flope.
654
00:20:31,443 --> 00:20:33,344
- It's catching on.
- Eh, I mean...
655
00:20:34,769 --> 00:20:36,540
Hey, guys, it's me, Adrian Pimento.
656
00:20:36,576 --> 00:20:38,805
Hey, Pimento, how's it going, bud?
657
00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:40,573
Pretty good, I know where I am,
658
00:20:40,608 --> 00:20:43,509
and I know what a table is,
so everything's going great.
659
00:20:43,544 --> 00:20:45,644
Pretty low bar for greatness,
but all right.
660
00:20:45,679 --> 00:20:47,780
Hey, how's it been since you
stopped taking those pills?
661
00:20:47,815 --> 00:20:50,642
Well, thankfully,
my full memory has come back,
662
00:20:51,112 --> 00:20:52,709
even the things that haunt me.
663
00:21:03,197 --> 00:21:05,364
Hey, Jake, I saw that movie
you keep talking about.
664
00:21:05,399 --> 00:21:07,867
You watched "Memento"?
And what'd you think?
665
00:21:07,902 --> 00:21:08,853
It's okay.
666
00:21:17,793 --> 00:21:21,793
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