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1
00:00:00,463 --> 00:00:03,049
Growing up,
we didn't have much,
2
00:00:03,077 --> 00:00:04,953
so when you actually got
a gift?
3
00:00:05,037 --> 00:00:06,283
It was special.
4
00:00:06,367 --> 00:00:10,217
There you go, baby,
the "Running Scared" soundtrack.
5
00:00:10,357 --> 00:00:11,953
Found it on the ground
at work.
6
00:00:12,037 --> 00:00:13,538
There you go.
7
00:00:13,623 --> 00:00:14,823
- All right, now.
- For real,
8
00:00:14,907 --> 00:00:17,269
whoever said
"It's the thought that counts"
9
00:00:17,354 --> 00:00:19,356
never got a gift
from Andre Johnson.
10
00:00:19,441 --> 00:00:21,386
- Voilà!
- Ohh!
11
00:00:21,781 --> 00:00:23,457
Baby, look at this!
12
00:00:23,542 --> 00:00:25,293
There gonna be some changes
around here.
13
00:00:25,420 --> 00:00:27,506
Anybody got a problem
wearing short shorts?
14
00:00:27,591 --> 00:00:30,167
And no one gets
more Andre Johnson gifts
15
00:00:30,252 --> 00:00:31,782
than Andre Johnson's queen.
16
00:00:31,867 --> 00:00:34,808
- Bam!
- Ohh, Dre.
17
00:00:35,159 --> 00:00:36,299
Bam!
18
00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:38,495
It's incredible!
19
00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,737
Bam!
Oh, oh!
20
00:00:40,847 --> 00:00:41,917
Oh!
21
00:00:42,002 --> 00:00:44,460
You'd think someone
as gifted as I was
22
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:45,737
in the art of presentry
23
00:00:45,822 --> 00:00:48,328
would marry someone
with similar skills, right?
24
00:00:48,464 --> 00:00:49,940
Happy birthday.
25
00:00:50,131 --> 00:00:53,967
♪ Just leave all the madness
in yesterday ♪
26
00:00:54,123 --> 00:00:57,179
♪ You're holdin' the key
when you believe it ♪
27
00:00:57,264 --> 00:00:59,241
- No. No, Dre
- Hey, hey.
28
00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:00,598
Where's it at?
29
00:01:00,683 --> 00:01:01,935
- Dre.
- What?
30
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:02,810
Dre.
31
00:01:02,895 --> 00:01:04,474
♪ You are the magic ♪
32
00:01:04,559 --> 00:01:06,490
Look at that,
it's your first print ad.
33
00:01:06,575 --> 00:01:09,051
Oh.
How thoughtful.
34
00:01:09,473 --> 00:01:12,754
But no, Bow's terrible
at giving gifts.
35
00:01:12,838 --> 00:01:14,332
*BLACK-ISH*
Season 06 Episode 15
36
00:01:14,416 --> 00:01:16,457
*BLACK-ISH*
Episode Title: "The Gauntlet"
37
00:01:17,690 --> 00:01:19,026
- So, Dre.
- Yeah?
38
00:01:19,111 --> 00:01:21,090
So what'd you get Bow
for her birthday?
39
00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:22,958
How did you know it was
my wife's birthday?
40
00:01:23,042 --> 00:01:25,177
Well, I keep all the
important Black Lady Birthdays
41
00:01:25,262 --> 00:01:27,209
in my Important Black Lady
Birthday calendar.
42
00:01:27,691 --> 00:01:29,026
November, Whoopi.
43
00:01:29,111 --> 00:01:30,652
December, Janelle.
44
00:01:30,769 --> 00:01:32,025
January, Oprah.
45
00:01:32,218 --> 00:01:34,012
February, your wife.
46
00:01:34,504 --> 00:01:35,590
- Now...
- Mm-hmm.
47
00:01:35,675 --> 00:01:37,641
..if you haven't
gotten her anything yet,
48
00:01:37,812 --> 00:01:40,332
I am happy to pop out
of a cake for you. What?
49
00:01:40,417 --> 00:01:41,527
What are you
gonna get her?
50
00:01:41,612 --> 00:01:42,895
I mean, are you
gonna get her flowers,
51
00:01:42,979 --> 00:01:45,637
a spa day, or a hall pass?
52
00:01:45,722 --> 00:01:48,468
No. No, I got her something
that she's going to love
53
00:01:48,553 --> 00:01:51,518
because we all know that
I am great at gift-giving.
54
00:01:51,603 --> 00:01:52,759
That's true.
That's true.
55
00:01:52,843 --> 00:01:55,049
- This man once gave me clean urine.
- It wasn't mine.
56
00:01:55,134 --> 00:01:56,875
And you once gave me
that DNA test
57
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:58,625
that proved I was
23 percent Norwegian
58
00:01:58,710 --> 00:02:00,438
and zero percent
my father's child.
59
00:02:00,523 --> 00:02:04,069
I wish Bow was as good
at gift-giving as I am.
60
00:02:04,272 --> 00:02:06,308
You know, last week
for my birthday,
61
00:02:06,393 --> 00:02:09,059
she framed my awful
first print ad.
62
00:02:09,144 --> 00:02:11,453
Not... not the Honda
"Run Dat" campaign?
63
00:02:11,538 --> 00:02:13,414
No.
"Getting Jiggy with Jif"?
64
00:02:13,499 --> 00:02:16,180
Nope.
"Kaiser Permanente: Ooh Child"?
65
00:02:16,265 --> 00:02:19,231
No. Wow, Dre, you really
were phoning it in back then.
66
00:02:19,316 --> 00:02:22,682
But you know what? Giving good gifts
is a solid half of what a wife is for.
67
00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:25,547
I mean, what else does that
woman do with her time?
68
00:02:25,632 --> 00:02:27,648
She's a massage therapist,
for God's sakes.
69
00:02:27,733 --> 00:02:29,657
My wife
is an anesthesiologist.
70
00:02:29,742 --> 00:02:31,188
And janitors
are custodians.
71
00:02:31,273 --> 00:02:33,680
I get it, Dre, but you have
got to talk to her about this.
72
00:02:33,765 --> 00:02:34,775
She's never
gonna get better.
73
00:02:34,859 --> 00:02:36,169
Okay, hold on,
hold on.
74
00:02:36,254 --> 00:02:37,747
My wife is one
of the busiest,
75
00:02:37,832 --> 00:02:40,052
most badass people
that I know.
76
00:02:40,137 --> 00:02:42,434
And she does everything great
that matters.
77
00:02:42,519 --> 00:02:45,614
So, you know, I-I really think
I'm overreacting on this.
78
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:47,945
Yes, you are. Because you have
a beautiful wife.
79
00:02:48,030 --> 00:02:50,450
A beautiful
Black lady wife.
80
00:02:50,535 --> 00:02:54,145
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go send Erykah Badu
81
00:02:54,230 --> 00:02:56,059
an Edible Arrangement
for her birthday.
82
00:02:56,144 --> 00:02:57,708
- Oh, okay.
- I don't have the address,
83
00:02:57,793 --> 00:03:00,520
but I figured if I put
"Erykah Badu, Atlanta"
84
00:03:00,605 --> 00:03:02,692
on there,
she should get it.
85
00:03:08,541 --> 00:03:10,037
Uh-oh.
86
00:03:10,317 --> 00:03:11,996
Must be girl trouble.
87
00:03:12,770 --> 00:03:15,247
Your father used to look
like that when he got dumped.
88
00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:19,255
Damaged a lot of kitchen tables
with that anvil head of his.
89
00:03:19,497 --> 00:03:21,349
All right,
what happened?
90
00:03:21,517 --> 00:03:24,013
Well, Jack
asked Savannah out.
91
00:03:24,098 --> 00:03:25,763
It was the best
lunchtime drama
92
00:03:25,848 --> 00:03:27,192
since Britney lied
and told people
93
00:03:27,277 --> 00:03:29,342
that she was dating one of
the "Stranger Things" kids.
94
00:03:29,426 --> 00:03:31,593
- It was supposed to be romantic.
- Mm.
95
00:03:31,678 --> 00:03:33,638
Like one of those YouTube
prom-posals.
96
00:03:33,856 --> 00:03:35,153
But instead...
97
00:03:35,601 --> 00:03:37,169
I found out she has...
98
00:03:37,432 --> 00:03:39,708
...a boyfriend.
99
00:03:39,793 --> 00:03:41,159
I don't understand.
100
00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:43,638
We talked all night
at Diane's sleepover.
101
00:03:43,809 --> 00:03:45,005
We had a connection.
102
00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:46,259
I told her my hopes...
103
00:03:46,352 --> 00:03:47,583
Meeting Mr. Peanut.
104
00:03:47,668 --> 00:03:48,585
And my fears.
105
00:03:48,670 --> 00:03:49,665
Mr. Peanut's a jerk.
106
00:03:49,750 --> 00:03:50,739
It's not fair.
107
00:03:50,824 --> 00:03:53,349
Okay, Jack, let me
ask you something.
108
00:03:53,648 --> 00:03:55,450
Have you ever met
this boyfriend?
109
00:03:55,535 --> 00:03:56,531
Hmm, no.
110
00:03:56,616 --> 00:03:58,099
Mm-hmm.
111
00:03:58,525 --> 00:04:01,263
Sounds to me like she's
just playing the game.
112
00:04:01,348 --> 00:04:05,192
You ignore this girl
and ask out her best friend.
113
00:04:05,427 --> 00:04:07,208
She'll be yours
in no time.
114
00:04:07,293 --> 00:04:08,684
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
115
00:04:08,769 --> 00:04:12,778
Trust me, it's how
I imploded The Commodores.
116
00:04:13,096 --> 00:04:16,716
I played Walter Orange
like a slap bass.
117
00:04:20,470 --> 00:04:22,756
Almond milk?
That's Charlie's.
118
00:04:22,902 --> 00:04:25,278
Dijon mustard?
That's Charlie's.
119
00:04:25,387 --> 00:04:28,294
Amoxicillin?
Better believe that's Charlie's.
120
00:04:28,386 --> 00:04:29,731
Hey, Charlie,
121
00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:32,621
Mr. Stevens is letting me
pitch an account,
122
00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:34,356
and I wanted to run
a few ideas by you.
123
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:35,575
Okay, that makes sense.
124
00:04:35,660 --> 00:04:38,606
I am a respected advertising
professional, so go ahead.
125
00:04:38,692 --> 00:04:40,161
That you are!
126
00:04:40,246 --> 00:04:42,177
Also everyone else
is at lunch.
127
00:04:42,262 --> 00:04:45,544
So, the campaign is for
these pants called Fielders,
128
00:04:45,629 --> 00:04:47,606
and I was thinking we take
a social media approach
129
00:04:47,691 --> 00:04:48,520
- and try to...
- Hold on.
130
00:04:48,605 --> 00:04:51,174
Fielders sell khakis
old men buy at grocery stores.
131
00:04:51,259 --> 00:04:53,731
You as much as mention
"hashtag,"
132
00:04:53,816 --> 00:04:55,192
you lost their business.
133
00:04:55,277 --> 00:04:59,575
Now, imagine advertising
something basic, like potatoes.
134
00:04:59,660 --> 00:05:02,263
How am I supposed to come up
with a good campaign
135
00:05:02,348 --> 00:05:04,264
if I have to be
basic and bland?
136
00:05:04,349 --> 00:05:06,095
Therein lies
the challenge.
137
00:05:06,213 --> 00:05:08,724
You must immerse yourself
in blandness.
138
00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:11,981
Hey, guys, there's a green
pepper in my chicken salad...
139
00:05:12,073 --> 00:05:13,777
- Too spicy for me... I'll take it.
- Um...
140
00:05:15,020 --> 00:05:16,122
Charlie's.
141
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:20,208
Hey.
Necco wafer?
142
00:05:22,114 --> 00:05:24,114
Hey, Josh.
143
00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:25,638
Let me pick your brain
for a second.
144
00:05:25,723 --> 00:05:26,864
Sure!
145
00:05:26,980 --> 00:05:29,029
Talking to the guys
made me realize...
146
00:05:29,114 --> 00:05:31,872
So what if Bow
was terrible at gifts?
147
00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:34,645
I was big enough to put
my personal feelings aside
148
00:05:34,730 --> 00:05:36,146
and get my badass wife
149
00:05:36,231 --> 00:05:38,107
the fanciest present
I could find.
150
00:05:38,185 --> 00:05:39,591
- Bow?
- Mm-hmm?
151
00:05:39,676 --> 00:05:40,672
Come in here, babe.
152
00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:43,067
You know
what today is!
153
00:05:43,152 --> 00:05:45,638
- Is it Flag Day?
- No.
154
00:05:46,106 --> 00:05:47,263
Arbor Day?
155
00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:48,505
Unh-unh, guess again.
156
00:05:48,590 --> 00:05:51,442
Oh, is it my birthday?
157
00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:53,518
Yes, it is!
158
00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:55,684
And you have something
for me?
159
00:05:55,769 --> 00:05:57,731
Yes, I do.
160
00:05:57,816 --> 00:05:58,874
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
161
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,333
- Okay, I'm gonna open it.
- Okay.
162
00:06:02,184 --> 00:06:05,317
- Ohh, Dre!
- Mm-hmm.
163
00:06:05,402 --> 00:06:07,775
Oh, this is incredible.
164
00:06:07,884 --> 00:06:10,517
It's the most beautiful thing
I've ever seen!
165
00:06:10,602 --> 00:06:12,165
- It is, isn't it?
- Oh, what...
166
00:06:12,250 --> 00:06:13,869
D-Dre, I can't wait
to show everybody.
167
00:06:13,954 --> 00:06:16,411
Yeah, at least one of us
knocks it out of the park every year.
168
00:06:16,495 --> 00:06:17,806
- What did you say?
- Hmm?
169
00:06:18,634 --> 00:06:19,759
You know what, babe?
170
00:06:19,844 --> 00:06:21,853
I'm just going
to come clean.
171
00:06:21,973 --> 00:06:23,783
- Year after year...
- Yeah.
172
00:06:23,868 --> 00:06:26,009
..I give you the best
presents in the world,
173
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:29,048
and your gifts to me
don't even come close.
174
00:06:29,148 --> 00:06:30,314
- Huh?
- Baby,
175
00:06:30,399 --> 00:06:31,603
I love you.
176
00:06:31,889 --> 00:06:34,565
But your gift game
is straight trash.
177
00:06:36,476 --> 00:06:42,482
Dre, Dre, Dre,
Dre, Dre, Dre.
178
00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,716
We're being honest
right now, right?
179
00:06:44,801 --> 00:06:46,069
Tell the truth
and shame the devil.
180
00:06:46,153 --> 00:06:47,489
Uh-huh.
181
00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:49,725
- You give terrible gifts.
- What?!
182
00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:52,599
You give boo-boo gifts!
183
00:06:52,831 --> 00:06:54,607
Boo-boo gifts, Dre!
184
00:06:54,692 --> 00:06:55,819
You have
the receipt for that?
185
00:06:55,903 --> 00:06:57,193
Huh?
186
00:06:58,591 --> 00:07:01,530
I do not give
boo-boo gifts, Bow!
187
00:07:01,615 --> 00:07:02,717
You're just lashing out.
188
00:07:02,833 --> 00:07:04,772
I see your eyes
when you open your presents.
189
00:07:04,857 --> 00:07:06,108
You love them.
190
00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:08,123
Oh, I do?
191
00:07:08,223 --> 00:07:09,896
Yes, you do.
192
00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:11,561
Oh!
193
00:07:11,646 --> 00:07:13,626
Ohh!
194
00:07:14,122 --> 00:07:15,336
Dre!
195
00:07:17,380 --> 00:07:18,834
You've been faking it?
196
00:07:18,919 --> 00:07:19,756
Yeah!
197
00:07:19,841 --> 00:07:21,311
I bought you diamonds.
198
00:07:21,396 --> 00:07:22,935
It was nice at first,
199
00:07:23,177 --> 00:07:25,537
but how much jewelry
does a woman need?
200
00:07:25,622 --> 00:07:27,746
You can never have
too many diamonds, Bow.
201
00:07:27,830 --> 00:07:29,411
Let me tell you, Dre.
202
00:07:29,568 --> 00:07:34,818
The best gift that I ever got
in my entire life
203
00:07:34,950 --> 00:07:36,296
was when I was a kid.
204
00:07:36,380 --> 00:07:40,046
My dad... he hand-sewed me
a doll that looked like me.
205
00:07:40,130 --> 00:07:43,046
There's no way
that a store-bought gift
206
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:46,060
can compare to something
with meaning behind it.
207
00:07:46,145 --> 00:07:49,240
Why do you think I took
that art class last year?
208
00:07:49,329 --> 00:07:50,458
Mnh-mnh.
209
00:07:50,543 --> 00:07:54,138
So I could hand-paint you
a tree
210
00:07:54,427 --> 00:07:56,513
that represents
our family.
211
00:07:56,598 --> 00:07:57,700
But I wanted a fur.
212
00:07:57,785 --> 00:07:59,872
Yeah, and you bought yourself
the fur, Dre.
213
00:08:00,015 --> 00:08:02,606
It's not the same thing,
Bow!
214
00:08:03,161 --> 00:08:07,755
Okay, look, what you're
saying is nice, I get it.
215
00:08:07,841 --> 00:08:08,888
Thank you.
216
00:08:08,973 --> 00:08:10,388
But, babe...
217
00:08:11,710 --> 00:08:14,919
I never thought I would
be able to spend real money
218
00:08:15,015 --> 00:08:16,232
on the people I love.
219
00:08:16,317 --> 00:08:17,240
Tsk. Mm.
220
00:08:17,325 --> 00:08:19,474
And now that I'm able to,
it's what I do.
221
00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:20,865
Okay, you know what, Dre?
222
00:08:20,950 --> 00:08:22,747
Forget I said anything.
Get me whatever you want.
223
00:08:22,831 --> 00:08:24,880
- No, no, no.
- Dre...
224
00:08:25,131 --> 00:08:26,724
Babe...
225
00:08:27,023 --> 00:08:28,473
I can change.
226
00:08:28,558 --> 00:08:30,161
Because I love you.
227
00:08:30,388 --> 00:08:32,674
So, for Valentine's Day,
228
00:08:32,877 --> 00:08:36,318
I am going to find you
a thoughtful gift.
229
00:08:36,403 --> 00:08:37,536
Thank you, my love.
230
00:08:37,621 --> 00:08:39,381
But I also need to be treated
in the gift lifestyle
231
00:08:39,465 --> 00:08:40,931
to which
I've become accustomed.
232
00:08:41,016 --> 00:08:42,972
Then I will buy you
233
00:08:43,057 --> 00:08:45,333
something so expensive...
234
00:08:46,139 --> 00:08:49,411
that our home insurance policy
won't cover it.
235
00:08:50,379 --> 00:08:51,607
So I had to get Bow
236
00:08:51,692 --> 00:08:54,358
a meaningful
but cheap-ass gift,
237
00:08:54,443 --> 00:08:57,060
which meant I was
the first Black man
238
00:08:57,178 --> 00:08:58,924
to ever walk into
a craft store.
239
00:08:59,008 --> 00:09:00,341
Ow! Damn it!
240
00:09:00,426 --> 00:09:01,982
What is going on, Dad?
241
00:09:02,090 --> 00:09:03,459
Ohh.
242
00:09:03,636 --> 00:09:06,497
Court-mandated art therapy
to manage your anger?
243
00:09:06,582 --> 00:09:07,920
Shut up, Junior!
244
00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:09,927
I'm just trying
to be thoughtful.
245
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:11,966
I just made your mother
this nightmare.
246
00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:13,599
Oh, my God!
247
00:09:13,684 --> 00:09:15,005
What is that?!
248
00:09:15,090 --> 00:09:16,091
It's supposed to be her.
249
00:09:16,176 --> 00:09:18,065
Yeah, you cannot
give that to Mom.
250
00:09:18,150 --> 00:09:19,446
I know!
251
00:09:19,531 --> 00:09:20,662
Look, I need
your help, all right?
252
00:09:20,746 --> 00:09:22,443
Look, I just found out
that your mother
253
00:09:22,528 --> 00:09:26,003
is the only person alive
that does not like diamonds.
254
00:09:26,098 --> 00:09:27,636
Help me, uh, come up
255
00:09:27,721 --> 00:09:29,512
with a thoughtful
Valentine's Day gift for her.
256
00:09:29,596 --> 00:09:31,360
Oh!
257
00:09:31,445 --> 00:09:34,451
Well, I have a whole Pinterest
board full of ideas.
258
00:09:34,536 --> 00:09:35,579
I've got to be honest,
though,
259
00:09:35,663 --> 00:09:38,539
they are all son-to-mother
vibes, not romantic.
260
00:09:38,859 --> 00:09:40,570
She shut that down
years ago.
261
00:09:40,655 --> 00:09:42,054
This is stupid.
262
00:09:42,144 --> 00:09:44,992
Why can't we just go back to
the way things were, hmm?
263
00:09:45,077 --> 00:09:47,578
We were lying to each other,
but at least we were happy.
264
00:09:47,663 --> 00:09:49,195
Oh, come on, Dad!
265
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:50,658
You've got to keep trying.
266
00:09:50,743 --> 00:09:51,992
Maybe just do what I do.
267
00:09:52,077 --> 00:09:54,323
Every time the sun pokes out
from behind a cloud,
268
00:09:54,522 --> 00:09:56,023
give a little thought
to Mom.
269
00:09:57,633 --> 00:10:00,889
Look, man,
just give me an idea.
270
00:10:00,974 --> 00:10:02,130
Ugh.
271
00:10:02,423 --> 00:10:04,444
Mom could have done
so much better.
272
00:10:04,529 --> 00:10:06,170
Get out of here!
273
00:10:06,255 --> 00:10:07,444
Get out!
274
00:10:07,763 --> 00:10:10,662
Son, wait a minute,
please don't leave me!
275
00:10:10,747 --> 00:10:11,804
I'll pay you!
276
00:10:11,889 --> 00:10:13,662
You want some diamonds?!
277
00:10:13,875 --> 00:10:16,081
I got lots of diamonds.
278
00:10:16,329 --> 00:10:17,915
Oh, that's
too bad, Savannah.
279
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,126
I'm sorry things didn't work out
with your boyfriend.
280
00:10:20,498 --> 00:10:22,912
How about we talk about it
over froyo tonight?
281
00:10:23,577 --> 00:10:24,873
See you then.
282
00:10:26,373 --> 00:10:27,459
Great news, Grandma.
283
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:29,012
I played the game
and I won.
284
00:10:29,097 --> 00:10:29,910
Oh, yeah?
285
00:10:29,995 --> 00:10:31,988
I went out with Savannah's
best friend, Jessie.
286
00:10:32,073 --> 00:10:33,144
You're so funny.
287
00:10:33,229 --> 00:10:35,519
And then my mom...
She turned the corner and...
288
00:10:35,652 --> 00:10:37,090
And Savannah got jealous.
289
00:10:37,418 --> 00:10:39,614
So now she wants
the froyo, yo.
290
00:10:39,699 --> 00:10:41,074
That's great, baby.
291
00:10:41,159 --> 00:10:42,886
Don't forget your Lactaid.
292
00:10:42,971 --> 00:10:44,394
I mean, I'm happy
for you, Jack,
293
00:10:44,479 --> 00:10:46,695
but do you really think
you can land this plane?
294
00:10:47,176 --> 00:10:48,583
I mean, what are you
gonna do about Jessie?
295
00:10:48,667 --> 00:10:50,887
He's got to drop her
like a peanut shell
296
00:10:50,972 --> 00:10:52,428
at a barbecue place.
297
00:10:52,513 --> 00:10:53,613
Oh, no.
298
00:10:53,698 --> 00:10:55,364
I have to break up with her,
don't I?
299
00:10:55,599 --> 00:10:57,305
Unless...
300
00:10:57,659 --> 00:10:59,215
you're not ready
to play the game.
301
00:10:59,301 --> 00:11:00,426
No.
No, no, no, no.
302
00:11:00,511 --> 00:11:01,527
I-I can do it.
303
00:11:01,612 --> 00:11:03,012
I'll just break up
with her tomorrow.
304
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:04,462
I'm proud of you, baby.
305
00:11:04,547 --> 00:11:07,043
You know, your father
could never play the game.
306
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,191
That's how
he ended up dating
307
00:11:09,283 --> 00:11:12,121
a string
of useless chickenheads.
308
00:11:12,206 --> 00:11:14,036
Until he met Mom,
you mean.
309
00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:16,166
Sure, baby.
310
00:11:16,246 --> 00:11:17,699
Junior had been useless.
311
00:11:17,784 --> 00:11:19,629
I spent days trying
to be thoughtful,
312
00:11:19,714 --> 00:11:23,449
and all I had to show for it
were hot glue burns.
313
00:11:24,926 --> 00:11:26,122
I've been having trouble
coming up
314
00:11:26,206 --> 00:11:27,452
with a Valentine's gift
for you.
315
00:11:27,537 --> 00:11:28,888
I've got nothing, baby.
Please don't leave me.
316
00:11:28,972 --> 00:11:31,410
Dre, I am not having
any luck, either.
317
00:11:32,017 --> 00:11:34,941
Would you wear
a Gucci wetsuit?
318
00:11:35,026 --> 00:11:37,457
When have I wanted to go
into the ocean, Bow?
319
00:11:37,542 --> 00:11:39,660
See?
This is really hard.
320
00:11:40,285 --> 00:11:42,568
You know, maybe we're
putting too much pressure
321
00:11:42,653 --> 00:11:45,144
on this Valentine's Day
presents thing.
322
00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:51,668
You know, why don't we do
no Valentine's presents?
323
00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:53,324
Oh.
324
00:11:53,824 --> 00:11:55,308
That's not a bad idea.
325
00:11:55,393 --> 00:11:57,099
I mean, we're driving
ourselves crazy.
326
00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:58,855
And gifts
are not important.
327
00:11:58,940 --> 00:12:00,754
Exactly!
Exactly!
328
00:12:00,925 --> 00:12:04,347
You know what? How about we
just have a nice meal together?
329
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,574
- You know...
- Oh!
330
00:12:05,659 --> 00:12:07,660
...a low-key
Valentine's experience
331
00:12:07,745 --> 00:12:10,637
with no gifts,
no surprises.
332
00:12:10,875 --> 00:12:12,457
No extra pressure on it.
333
00:12:12,542 --> 00:12:13,552
And then we can take
the money
334
00:12:13,636 --> 00:12:16,019
that we would save
from buying presents
335
00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:18,419
and pop bottles
at the restaurant.
336
00:12:18,925 --> 00:12:20,283
Or...
337
00:12:20,368 --> 00:12:21,402
Or...
338
00:12:21,487 --> 00:12:25,402
...we could make it rain
on our IRAs
339
00:12:25,487 --> 00:12:27,768
that we haven't contributed to
since 2014!
340
00:12:27,853 --> 00:12:31,849
Just like pah, pah, pah-pah,
pah, pah, pah-pah-pah-pah.
341
00:12:32,025 --> 00:12:33,697
It's so adorable
that you think
342
00:12:33,782 --> 00:12:36,354
there's still money
in that account.
343
00:12:37,868 --> 00:12:38,735
Huh?!
344
00:12:38,820 --> 00:12:39,945
Coming, children!
345
00:12:40,030 --> 00:12:41,076
No, no, wait.
346
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:42,775
Where's the money,
though, Dre?
347
00:12:42,885 --> 00:12:43,971
Remember...
348
00:12:44,056 --> 00:12:46,065
When you're working for
a company like Fielder,
349
00:12:46,150 --> 00:12:48,557
you have to be
aggressively bland.
350
00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:50,697
Yeah, but what does that mean
for the campaign?
351
00:12:50,782 --> 00:12:52,963
Start by thinking of the most
vanilla statement you can
352
00:12:53,049 --> 00:12:54,152
about the brand
and go from there.
353
00:12:54,236 --> 00:12:56,111
Okay, uh...
354
00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:59,290
Fielders are...
355
00:12:59,375 --> 00:13:00,450
good?
356
00:13:00,535 --> 00:13:01,362
No!
357
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,088
"Good" is a value judgment.
358
00:13:03,173 --> 00:13:04,418
Not bland enough.
You almost had it.
359
00:13:04,502 --> 00:13:05,861
Take a step back.
Deep breath, go.
360
00:13:05,946 --> 00:13:07,135
Uh...
361
00:13:07,239 --> 00:13:08,615
Um...
362
00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:10,236
Fielders are...
363
00:13:10,321 --> 00:13:11,455
Go on.
364
00:13:11,596 --> 00:13:12,471
- ...durable?
- No!
365
00:13:12,556 --> 00:13:13,893
- Comfortable?
- Even blander!
366
00:13:13,978 --> 00:13:15,025
Ah...
367
00:13:15,110 --> 00:13:16,783
- Pants?
- Bingo.
368
00:13:16,916 --> 00:13:19,275
Fielders are pants.
369
00:13:19,374 --> 00:13:20,580
Good start.
370
00:13:20,665 --> 00:13:21,885
It is?
371
00:13:21,974 --> 00:13:25,728
So I went out and had
my first gift-free Valentine's,
372
00:13:25,813 --> 00:13:27,252
doing what mattered most...
373
00:13:27,439 --> 00:13:29,627
Sharing
an overpriced prix fixe
374
00:13:29,712 --> 00:13:30,828
with the woman I love.
375
00:13:30,913 --> 00:13:31,924
Mmm.
376
00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:33,267
That's nice.
377
00:13:33,352 --> 00:13:34,398
Yes, it is.
378
00:13:34,483 --> 00:13:35,769
Oh, my God.
What?
379
00:13:36,134 --> 00:13:37,478
Look at him.
380
00:13:37,563 --> 00:13:39,549
Look at him patting
his pockets.
381
00:13:39,759 --> 00:13:42,045
Every single person
in this restaurant
382
00:13:42,130 --> 00:13:44,158
knows there's something
in there.
383
00:13:45,673 --> 00:13:47,219
Valentine's Day chumps.
384
00:13:47,304 --> 00:13:48,205
Amateurs.
385
00:13:48,290 --> 00:13:49,916
- Okay, babe, you know what?
- Hmm?
386
00:13:50,016 --> 00:13:50,978
- I'll be right back.
- Mm.
387
00:13:51,063 --> 00:13:54,319
But this...
This is good, right?
388
00:13:54,404 --> 00:13:55,330
Yes!
389
00:13:55,415 --> 00:13:57,127
No pressure Valentine's Day
is great,
390
00:13:57,212 --> 00:14:02,018
and maybe we shouldn't do
Christmas gifts this year.
391
00:14:02,122 --> 00:14:06,432
Your face in this candlelight
is all the gift I need.
392
00:14:06,517 --> 00:14:07,721
I'll be right back, baby.
393
00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:09,314
- Hurry back.
- Mm-hmm.
394
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,205
For the lady.
Oh, oh, no.
395
00:14:15,290 --> 00:14:16,308
I'm sorry,
we didn't order that.
396
00:14:16,392 --> 00:14:17,135
We didn't order that.
397
00:14:17,220 --> 00:14:18,975
Oh, let's just say
somebody
398
00:14:19,060 --> 00:14:21,056
wanted to do something
special for you.
399
00:14:21,662 --> 00:14:22,788
Oh!
400
00:14:22,958 --> 00:14:24,324
Thank you.
Yeah.
401
00:14:24,424 --> 00:14:25,533
Thank you.
402
00:14:28,728 --> 00:14:29,994
Oh, my God, okay.
403
00:14:30,079 --> 00:14:31,596
The cake.
404
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:36,655
Posted.
405
00:14:38,139 --> 00:14:39,269
Mm.
406
00:14:41,345 --> 00:14:42,874
I knew.
407
00:14:42,959 --> 00:14:45,554
I knew you had some tricks
up those sleeves.
408
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,406
What are you
talking about?
409
00:14:51,070 --> 00:14:52,343
- The cake.
- Oh.
410
00:14:52,428 --> 00:14:53,492
Listen, I should be mad
411
00:14:53,577 --> 00:14:55,141
because we decided
no gifts or surprises,
412
00:14:55,225 --> 00:14:58,546
but I have to say that I am
so glad you got me something.
413
00:14:59,370 --> 00:15:01,546
I didn't send you
that cake, babe.
414
00:15:01,631 --> 00:15:03,468
Really? Oh.
415
00:15:03,553 --> 00:15:06,749
We agreed there would be
no gifts and no surprises.
416
00:15:06,834 --> 00:15:08,021
I didn't send you that.
417
00:15:08,106 --> 00:15:08,929
Oh.
418
00:15:09,014 --> 00:15:11,010
Sorry, this is
for another table.
419
00:15:11,095 --> 00:15:12,643
Oh, but...
420
00:15:12,728 --> 00:15:13,974
Okay, alright.
421
00:15:14,784 --> 00:15:15,785
You said...
422
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:20,172
I guess I...
423
00:15:20,538 --> 00:15:22,114
I guess
I did want something.
424
00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:24,335
It just feels like
with no gifts,
425
00:15:24,419 --> 00:15:25,945
part of Valentine's Day
is missing.
426
00:15:26,030 --> 00:15:27,098
Yeah.
427
00:15:27,183 --> 00:15:29,475
The men's room attendant
comped me a mint,
428
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:30,793
and I almost cried.
429
00:15:30,878 --> 00:15:32,606
Who were we kidding?
430
00:15:32,691 --> 00:15:36,474
Valentine's Day without gifts
isn't Valentine's Day.
431
00:15:36,559 --> 00:15:37,934
It's just a day.
432
00:15:38,027 --> 00:15:40,483
- It was my mother's.
- Oh, my God!
433
00:15:40,709 --> 00:15:42,256
It's beautiful.
434
00:15:42,341 --> 00:15:43,717
It means the world
to me.
435
00:15:45,581 --> 00:15:47,810
Valentime's Day
is so stupid.
436
00:15:49,295 --> 00:15:52,343
Mmm!
Raspberry compote?
437
00:15:52,428 --> 00:15:53,749
Nice try, Reginald.
438
00:15:55,225 --> 00:15:57,233
- Hey, Ruby.
- Hey.
439
00:15:57,318 --> 00:15:58,179
How y'all doing?
440
00:15:58,264 --> 00:16:00,435
Happy Valentine's Day.
441
00:16:01,115 --> 00:16:03,038
Why did I think
I wanted
442
00:16:03,123 --> 00:16:04,842
a low-key
Valentine's Day, huh?
443
00:16:05,146 --> 00:16:08,163
There's nothing about me
that says low-key.
444
00:16:08,248 --> 00:16:09,859
Hell, I'm the one
that got Funkmaster Flex
445
00:16:09,943 --> 00:16:11,561
to record
my outgoing voicemail.
446
00:16:11,646 --> 00:16:13,913
How do we not know how
to take care of each other
447
00:16:13,998 --> 00:16:15,366
after all of these years?
448
00:16:15,451 --> 00:16:17,144
That's making me wonder.
449
00:16:17,581 --> 00:16:19,617
You know, what else
are we messing up?
450
00:16:19,847 --> 00:16:22,172
- I'm starting to question it all.
- Oh, yeah.
451
00:16:22,256 --> 00:16:25,222
This marriage
is really falling apart.
452
00:16:25,307 --> 00:16:27,473
What with the way
you fix her a drink,
453
00:16:27,558 --> 00:16:29,012
and the way
you're trying to rub
454
00:16:29,097 --> 00:16:31,628
the stress
out of his back.
455
00:16:32,113 --> 00:16:33,926
You two are doomed.
456
00:16:35,466 --> 00:16:36,550
Oh.
457
00:16:36,708 --> 00:16:38,997
But doesn't it mean something
that we missed the mark?
458
00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:40,136
I mean, gift-giving
459
00:16:40,221 --> 00:16:42,402
is one of the most important
ways of expressing love.
460
00:16:42,487 --> 00:16:45,886
- Mm-hmm. - Yeah, well,
so are shared experiences.
461
00:16:45,971 --> 00:16:48,207
- Mm-hmm.
- Quiet times together.
462
00:16:48,386 --> 00:16:50,746
- Yep. - And working your way
through the Kama Sutra.
463
00:16:50,831 --> 00:16:53,347
- Mama.
- You two fulfill each other's needs
464
00:16:53,432 --> 00:16:54,728
in so many other ways.
465
00:16:54,813 --> 00:16:55,894
This is
just a little thing
466
00:16:55,979 --> 00:16:57,434
you don't have to worry
about, alright?
467
00:16:57,518 --> 00:16:59,589
Maybe we are being
too hard on ourselves.
468
00:16:59,674 --> 00:17:01,003
Maybe.
469
00:17:01,429 --> 00:17:02,964
- Thank you, Ruby.
- Mm-hmm.
470
00:17:03,269 --> 00:17:05,325
- I'm gonna go check on Devante,
and I'm taking this. - Okay, baby.
471
00:17:05,409 --> 00:17:06,394
Mm-hmm.
472
00:17:06,479 --> 00:17:08,019
You know what?
I'm right behind you.
473
00:17:08,104 --> 00:17:09,848
- Thank you, Mama.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
474
00:17:09,932 --> 00:17:12,508
Yeah? Where the hell do
you think you're going?
475
00:17:12,593 --> 00:17:14,889
You can't buy
your wife a gift?
476
00:17:15,059 --> 00:17:16,730
I raised you better
than that.
477
00:17:16,815 --> 00:17:19,851
- But, Mama, you just said that gifts
are something... - No, no, no, no!
478
00:17:20,226 --> 00:17:22,308
How is it no man
in this family
479
00:17:22,393 --> 00:17:24,449
- knows how to play the game?
- What?
480
00:17:24,534 --> 00:17:26,580
You go think about Rainbow
481
00:17:26,665 --> 00:17:28,911
and get her something
she wants.
482
00:17:28,996 --> 00:17:30,175
Mama, I tried.
483
00:17:30,260 --> 00:17:31,902
Hell, I made her
a ugly-ass doll
484
00:17:31,987 --> 00:17:33,028
just like the one
her daddy did.
485
00:17:33,112 --> 00:17:34,761
She doesn't want a doll.
486
00:17:34,895 --> 00:17:37,681
She wants what the doll
represents.
487
00:17:38,101 --> 00:17:40,433
That you're thinking
about her.
488
00:17:40,968 --> 00:17:42,668
Okay, Mama.
489
00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:46,504
I didn't think you cared this
much about Bow's happiness.
490
00:17:46,589 --> 00:17:47,886
I don't.
491
00:17:48,199 --> 00:17:49,445
I just know
I didn't raise
492
00:17:49,530 --> 00:17:51,772
no raspberry compote boy.
493
00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:55,833
Old sorry Reginald think he
can get a crack at me
494
00:17:55,918 --> 00:17:57,692
with this
cheap candy assortment!
495
00:17:57,777 --> 00:17:58,926
Mm-hmm.
496
00:18:03,195 --> 00:18:05,606
So, I was thinking
for Easter,
497
00:18:05,691 --> 00:18:07,147
we should coordinate
outfits.
498
00:18:07,232 --> 00:18:08,728
You're a girl's medium,
right?
499
00:18:09,232 --> 00:18:11,223
Oh, and Jackie,
500
00:18:11,308 --> 00:18:13,605
today's our four-day
anniversary! Yay!
501
00:18:14,175 --> 00:18:15,380
Oh, yeah.
502
00:18:15,465 --> 00:18:16,778
Happy anniversary, dear.
503
00:18:16,862 --> 00:18:18,466
I'll go get you
an Uncrustable.
504
00:18:23,693 --> 00:18:25,247
So you couldn't dump her,
could you?
505
00:18:25,332 --> 00:18:26,578
Nah.
506
00:18:26,698 --> 00:18:28,270
I never should have listened
to Grandma.
507
00:18:28,355 --> 00:18:30,142
Well, most of Grandma's advice
stopped being useful
508
00:18:30,226 --> 00:18:32,364
around the Clarence Thomas
hearings.
509
00:18:32,731 --> 00:18:33,937
So what are you gonna do?
510
00:18:34,022 --> 00:18:35,762
Well, I've already committed
to Easter,
511
00:18:35,847 --> 00:18:38,173
so I can't break up
with her before then.
512
00:18:38,258 --> 00:18:40,014
Then her birthday's
right around the corner,
513
00:18:40,099 --> 00:18:41,635
then the spring dance.
514
00:18:42,137 --> 00:18:43,981
I'm-a be honest with you,
Diane.
515
00:18:44,693 --> 00:18:46,169
I don't see a way out.
516
00:18:46,389 --> 00:18:48,669
Welcome to your first
loveless marriage.
517
00:18:49,024 --> 00:18:50,841
Thought we'd be having
this talk at 25
518
00:18:50,926 --> 00:18:52,685
when you got trapped
by a French CrossFit star
519
00:18:52,769 --> 00:18:54,012
who needed a green card.
520
00:18:54,097 --> 00:18:56,466
But it's nice to know it feels
just as good as I imagined.
521
00:18:58,735 --> 00:19:00,083
I had spent too much time
522
00:19:00,168 --> 00:19:02,872
focusing on the gift instead
of the more important thing...
523
00:19:02,957 --> 00:19:05,497
The person it was for.
524
00:19:05,582 --> 00:19:08,168
And once I did that,
I realized
525
00:19:08,253 --> 00:19:10,598
it was pretty easy
to find things she liked.
526
00:19:14,633 --> 00:19:16,427
- Hey, babe.
- Hey.
527
00:19:17,379 --> 00:19:18,856
How was your day?
528
00:19:18,941 --> 00:19:21,012
Much better
after I got a text from you
529
00:19:21,097 --> 00:19:22,692
about Larry's Chili Dogs.
530
00:19:22,777 --> 00:19:24,323
- Mm-hmm.
- That was so sweet.
531
00:19:24,408 --> 00:19:26,450
- Babe, it's where we first met.
- I know.
532
00:19:26,535 --> 00:19:28,542
And I could not drive
past that place
533
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:30,789
and not think about you.
534
00:19:31,133 --> 00:19:32,442
Hey...
535
00:19:33,033 --> 00:19:34,427
What?
536
00:19:34,512 --> 00:19:35,718
I got you something.
537
00:19:35,803 --> 00:19:37,364
What's the occasion?
538
00:19:37,590 --> 00:19:40,114
Just showing you
I love you.
539
00:19:40,199 --> 00:19:41,716
Oh. Tsk.
540
00:19:42,024 --> 00:19:43,098
Can I open it?
541
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:44,903
- Please.
- Okay.
542
00:19:46,581 --> 00:19:47,670
Yes!
543
00:19:47,755 --> 00:19:49,461
Oh, my God, yes!
544
00:19:49,546 --> 00:19:51,669
- Oh, this is so thoughtful.
- Mm.
545
00:19:51,761 --> 00:19:52,967
I'm so glad
that you realized
546
00:19:53,052 --> 00:19:55,098
that you don't have to spend
a lot of money on me.
547
00:19:55,261 --> 00:19:57,348
It's the small
and sweet gestures.
548
00:19:57,433 --> 00:19:58,700
Oh, God, I love you.
549
00:19:58,785 --> 00:19:59,958
Mwah.
Thank you, baby.
550
00:20:00,043 --> 00:20:02,192
Hey, do you want red or white
with the chili dogs?
551
00:20:02,277 --> 00:20:03,552
- Which goes better?
- Uh, red.
552
00:20:03,637 --> 00:20:04,651
- Red? Okay.
- Yeah.
553
00:20:04,736 --> 00:20:06,198
Like Bow said,
554
00:20:06,283 --> 00:20:08,423
I didn't have to spend a lot
of money on a great gift.
555
00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:12,064
But I did... on this
expensive-ass marching band.
556
00:20:12,149 --> 00:20:14,103
So, as a small, sweet gesture,
557
00:20:14,188 --> 00:20:16,306
I got them out
before she could see.
558
00:20:16,391 --> 00:20:17,877
Baby steps.
559
00:20:18,518 --> 00:20:21,081
So, Dre's kid, huh?
560
00:20:21,166 --> 00:20:23,010
Fielders pants.
What do you got for me?
561
00:20:23,095 --> 00:20:24,627
Psst. You got this.
562
00:20:26,832 --> 00:20:28,128
Fielders.
563
00:20:28,377 --> 00:20:30,096
They've survived
a long time.
564
00:20:30,181 --> 00:20:34,674
Not by being flashy
or by following seasonal trends,
565
00:20:34,759 --> 00:20:36,698
but by being timeless.
566
00:20:36,783 --> 00:20:38,449
And by keeping it simple.
567
00:20:38,674 --> 00:20:41,619
So their new slogan
keeps it simple, too.
568
00:20:42,588 --> 00:20:45,699
"Fielders:
They're the pants you wear."
569
00:20:45,783 --> 00:20:47,884
Yeah, I really hoped you'd
come up with something
570
00:20:47,976 --> 00:20:50,049
more urban, you know?
Like, um...
571
00:20:50,299 --> 00:20:53,159
"Fielders: Ooh, Child."
572
00:20:53,361 --> 00:20:55,752
What about "Fielders:
Where the Homies at?"
573
00:20:55,837 --> 00:20:57,453
Yes!
Outstanding, Charles.
574
00:20:57,975 --> 00:20:59,679
We will run with that.
40236
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