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[static increasing in volume]

Hank?

Hello?

[static,
radio changing stations]

[static continues]

-Ah!
-[laughs] Hey, you! Good?

[man] You know a lot of that

white noise is leftover sound
of the birth of the universe.

Wow.

They call it, uh, cosmic
microwave background radiation.

Man, talk about putting
lipstick on a pig.

-Lipstick? Like what on a what?
-[laughs]

Is that a thing?
Is that a saying?

It's a very romantic spin
on radio static.

It wasn't a line, I'm not,
like, feeding you a line here.

That's... that's science.

I mean, science
is beautiful and romantic,

but that's the Big Bang,
I mean that's fact.

What is this place, really?

It's my house.

-I live here.
-No, you don't live here.

No. No, but it's in my... it's
been in my family for, uh, ever.

[woman] Wait, this
is my birthday present?

[man] Not the... not the house.
It's what's inside the house.

-[woman] Right, okay, all right.

-[man] Oh, my God, you're gonna
be so underwhelmed now.

[woman] No, no, I'm not.
I'm relieved, actually.

[man] Sure.
This is gonna be so brutal.

Is this my birthday present?

[man] Well, yeah, it's, uh...

-You know, it's experiential.
-[laughs]

You can't...
you can't put a big red bow

on the kind of night
that I have in store for you.

You can't, uh, you can't
unwrap making a memory.

Ah, okay, I see.

So you drag me
through the woods

to the Texas Chainsaw
Massacre house,

and I'm supposed to,
what, throw myself at you?

Well, I mean, I got flowers.
Did you see the flowers?

And what was your plan?

You're gonna just kill me or
kill me and eat me afterwards?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, you got it backwards.

I'm gonna eat you first.

[laughs]

[moaning]

[couch scraping]

[woman] Do you bring all
your girlfriends here?

[man] All my girlfriends
are still here.

I told them I'd
bring them a friend.

They're going to love you,
darling.

It's so dark in the attic.

No, come on.

I haven't
brought anybody here.

Do you know anybody else
in fuckin' Barlow

that would've walked
through that grove?

-No. [laughs]
-No. Just you, though.

Just you.

-That's very sweet.
-Hm.

I hope you brought some wine
to go with that cheese.

-Peanut Noir?
-Yeah.

-That's from Georgia.
-Oh, Georgia.

Where they make
all the best wines.

It worked.

Oh, wait. Do, uh, do your, um,

the swirly, sniffy,
something-something...

-On the peanut wine?
-Yeah, but it's not...

I told you it
wasn't actually peanuts.

Okay. All right.

-It's fruit-forward.
-Sure.

-I smelled grapes.
-Naturally.

-Yeah. Like grape jelly.
-Grapes.

Hints of peanut shells.

It's a peanut butter
and jelly wine.

I knew you were gonna do that.

You're such a fucking snob.
You're such a snob!

-Is it really that bad?
-Yeah.

I think the jar
really opens it up.

[laughs]

It may just be the moment,
but I think it's pretty great.

Well, this is good,

'cause the people
at the peanut wine place,

they talked me into buying
a whole case of this shit.

No!

Oh, yeah! They were
selling it hard.

You've got like 11
more bottles of this.

Drink up. So drink up.

What is this?

-"For Julie."
-Hey, wait. Wait, what is this?

-Hey, what is it?
-Who the fuck is Julie?

Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, let me see that.

-Wait.
-That... that's...

That's been in there
for like ten years.

I'm sorry, is this a mixtape
for another girl on my birthday?

-Like eighth grade.
-Is that what this is? Wow.

-You are not playing that!
-I am!

You absolutely will not. Nope.
You are not playing that.

I will take the whole
fucking thing down.

-Come on.
-This is truly experiential.

[yawns]

[groans]

[spits]

[sniffs]

Darby!

[clicks tongue]

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!

[clicks tongue]

Where you at, girl?

[upbeat music plays]

[man] Okay. You can
open your eyes now.

-Hey, hey, hey!
-[laughs]

It's a kitten! [laughs]

You have a balloon
attached to you. Aw!

-I found him like that.
-With this balloon attached?

-Yeah.
-Do you want this off of you?

You're a mess.
You're a mess, kitten.

Do you like birthday gifts you
have to care for for 20 years?

[laughs] Do they
live 20 years?

Ah...

Wow, it's gonna
outlast our relationship.

-[laughs]
-Fuck. Oh, sleepy baby.

-He's just as lazy as you are.
-[laughs]

Should probably
get that thing off him

before he floats away.

[horn honks]

Fuck you!

Hey, this is Abby.

I'm not around right now,
so leave a message.

-[beeping]
-Hey, baby, it's me.

Um, listen, the mail's really
piling up here, okay?

A bunch of bills and shit,
and I don't know what's paid

or what's been paid, you know,

you're the one that usually
handles all that shit, so...

I got a bunch
of birthday cards too.

Listen, baby.
If you want outta this thing,

you're gonna have to talk
to me sooner or later, okay?

You can't just disappear.
All right?

Also, this is gonna sound crazy,
I know,

but ever since you left
some kinda...

...thing's been comin'
outta the woods every night.

Scratchin' on the door,
tryin' get in the house.

And I know you're probably
just rollin' your eyes,

thinkin' it's just this thing
or that thing, but it's not.

Okay? I know everything
in these woods.

This is, uh...

I don't know.

I don't know, so, just, uh,
give a call, please, would you?

I love you.

Hey, this is Abby.

I'm not around right now,
so leave a message.

[beeping]

Hey, yeah, also I think
that monster ate your cat.

[phone slams]

[officer] A-ha.

How we doin', Hank?

-You see what he did to my door?
-Blew a hole in it?

What? No! Not a...

No. This shit!

Not the hole.

Yeah, that's a black bear, Hank.

Oh, for God's sake,
it's not a black bear, Shane.

Well, I think that makes
the most sense, don't it?

No, actually, I don't think
that makes any sense, Shane,

that a black bear would walk
past all that fuckin' garbage?

And all this fuckin' cat food

just to come scratchin'
at my door?

No. Black bear'd eat
its own shit

just to have
somethin' in its mouth.

You know that.

You wanna tell me what
happened with that truck

down the road this mornin'?

-Oh.
-He said you fired at him, Hank.

Yeah, well,
he damn near ran me over.

Well, he said you darted
right out into the road.

Well, he's a fuckin' liar.
I was just checkin' the mail.

You always check the mail
with your shotgun, Hank?

Sometimes.

That it, then?

Yep.

Thanks for stopping by, officer.

[Shane] I stopped
by Jessie's last night.

Hank, they said
they ain't seen ya.

Listen, this thing with Abby,
I know it's hard on you...

What do you know? The fuck
do you know, Shane? Huh?

What do you know
about it? Huh?

Are you talkin' to her?

Did she tell you
to come check on me?

I am just concerned is all.
We're family.

No, we're not.

We sure as fuck
shoulda been by now.

It's been a goddamn decade!

Maybe she got tired
of waitin' around.

Yep.

Well, hey, look, you know what?

You're so, uh... you're
so concerned with me, Shane?

Why don't you tell your sister
next time she calls

and I'm goin' crazy,
I'm goin' crazy without her,

I'm goin' around town
tellin' people

there's a big bad wolf
tryin' to blow our house down.

Everybody's startin' to talk.

Maybe she oughta just
come on home, then.

Hank?

If the big bad wolf
comes by again,

maybe you oughta shoot it
with your camera

instead
of your 12-gauge.

Make a more convincing argument.

Okay.

[soft music plays]

¶ I know it's strange ¶

¶ but it feels like
it's trying to get me ¶

¶ Every day I stick around ¶

¶ Is just one more day
in this town ¶

¶ I've been trying
to leave this town ¶

¶ But it won't let me ¶

[indistinct]

¶ I know that you'll
protect me ¶

¶ Desert lands got a plan ¶

¶ And a life of mystery ¶

¶ Every day's a mountain day ¶

-¶ And the sun... ¶
-Hey, hey.

She has to start screaming,
she's like "What's going on?!"

And I don't wanna say it's
a spider, 'cause I'm not,

like, a little girl, you know,
so I said it was an intruder,

and she ended up getting,
like, more upset with that.

What's up, Bubba?

Oh, hey, Hank, man!
What's goin' on, buddy?

I was just talkin' about you.

I was just telling
Jane here about the time

that you bagged that Sherman
tank lookin' fuckin' buck.

It was down in the Waller

over in Baines Prairies
about two seasons ago,

and I don't think
she fuckin' believes me.

I don't believe
that's English, so...

No, you wouldn't
believe this thing.

It was like an airplane
with a dick.

It was nice!
It was a good get.

-What was its name?
-Val.

Valentine! Valentine.

Yeah. Where is Valentine?

He's home.
He's in the closet.

The fuck is Big Val
doin' in the closet?

Uh, Abby don't like
dead shit on her walls.

Fuck that.
You should bring it here, man.

Put it... put it up
on the fuckin' wall!

That's a goddamn injustice!

We'll put him up on the wall
with the other goofy shit.

Yeah, 'cause the other thing
is they ward off evil spirits.

-Where did you hear that?
-It's like a Indian thing.

-I mean Native American.
-[laughs]

Or like Vikings
or some shit.

[coughs]

Whatcha got there, baby?

-The bare necessities.
-I'll take care of it.

What are you,
running out of booze?

It's nothing
you should worry about.

I've seen you drink
the mat juice.

Yeah, it's called
a Gorilla Fart.

Wait, you drink the spill
out of the bar mats?

Yeah, man, free is free.
I got kids.

Wade.

It's the only drink
you'll give me for free.

Jane, pour us two shots
of that 1816, would you please?

-Mm.
-Have some self respect, Wade.

-What's that?
-A little self respect. Come on.

-That's a healthy pour.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, no. That's Jane.

I'm not gonna waste 1816 on you

if you're gonna drink
the shit out of the mats.

-Line 'em up.
-Okay.

-Whoo!
-You're not gonna do this.

[Wade blubbers] Come on.

-All right.
-That's a big boy.

Yeah, that's real big.

You're a grownup, Wade.
You're a father.

And that's why I get to do this.
Okay.

Cheers.

Here's to being
a proud American citizen.

[laughs]

It's not as bad
as the name suggests.

That's ridiculous.
Get him a real shot, please.

-Please.
-What's it taste like?

It tastes like going blind.

[thunder rumbles]

[no audible dialogue]

[growling, banging]

-[growling]
-Goddamn it!

[roaring]

[sighs]

[soft guitar music plays]

¶ Well, I told you so ¶

¶ And I don't hate to say ¶

¶ You didn't see the trap
set for you ¶

¶ And it was plain as day ¶

¶ But it's good to be alive ¶

¶ Even when parts of you
is dead ¶

¶ And we have stepped
over the sky ¶

¶ That's the places
where we've bled ¶

¶ But this one's in your head ¶

¶ In your head ¶

¶ It's in your head ¶

¶ Ahhh ¶

¶ Ah, ah, ahhh ¶

¶ And we are over the stars ¶

¶ That's the places
where we've bled ¶

¶ And this one's in your head ¶

¶ In your head ¶

¶ It's in your head ¶

[screaming on TV]

[screaming continues]

[screaming on TV continues]

[low growling]

[growling continues]

Ahh!

-[grunts]
-[gunshot]

[Wade] Yeah,
that's a pool of blood.

I think you got it, buddy.

You know, um,
cats can do this shit.

Definitely. I mean,

Jess was watching a show
on TV the other day

that said cats are
like evil fuckers.

Like if a cat owner dies
and no one finds 'em,

like all
the soft parts are gone.

It'll come and eat his nose
and his eyelids

and is fucking ears.
All the worst shit,

so it looks like a screaming
skull at the end of it.

They don't give a fuck.
And they're the same

no matter what size,

from a kitten up
to like a Siberian tiger.

They all act exactly the same,
like they play

and they have fun
and they scamper

and they purr and shit.

So like...

A panther could
have done all this.

They're on the rebound too.
They're fucking again.

You ever seen a panther, Wade?

You know anybody that has?

No.

I mean, let me think.

No.

Did I tell you
Abby's cat went missing?

That's it. That's where your
monster is right there.

Like a barrel of toxic waste
like fell off

of a government truck
and Abby's cat like jumped in it

and now it's big and it
just wants to come home.

It ain't a cat, Wade.

How do you know, though?

I saw it.

Did you bring your rifle
with you, bubba?

Now, you said
you saw its hand.

Did you mean its hand
or did you mean paw?

[Hank] It looked
like a hand, Wade.

[Wade] I don't know, man.

I was watching a video
the other day on aliens,

and if they land here
scientists say they

probably gonna be predators
because they need meat to grow

the brains the size
they need to be

to get the technology
they need to fucking get here.

And then they showed a
bunch of pictures

of what aliens
could look like,

and they don't look
like us, man.

It's like
Dark Crystal shit.

It's... like because they come
from different gravities

and they have different
like chemical makeups.

They're like... it could be
a squid with like six eyes

or it could have like no eyes
and see with emotions

and it was
a fucking nightmare, Hank.

It was a nightmare.

And it wasn't a horror movie,
it was the Discovery Channel.

And it was during
the fucking day.

You watch a lot of TV, bubba.

I'm just saying that
if I see something like that

come out of one of these bushes,

I'm going to have a fucking
mental breakdown, Hank.

I wouldn't worry
about it, Wade.

You talk enough
to clean the woods.

You're right. You're right.

Abby left.

What do you mean?

I mean she just left.

Note on the fridge.

Where'd she fucking go?

I don't know.
Miami maybe.

That's where she went to school.
Maybe to see her old boyfriend.

Shit, man.

Sitting here. I knew
something else was going on,

but I didn't say anything,
I'm sorry.

I'm just talking about aliens
and squid creatures and shit.

I'm an asshole.

No. No.

Thanks, bubba.

-Wanna go get drunk?
-Yeah, let's go and get drunk.

[country music plays]

¶ Thirteen days of sunshine ¶

¶ Couldn't get enough of it ¶

¶ Thought that
you would be my mine ¶

¶ But there was one little
thing I missed ¶

¶ You don't like dogs ¶

¶ And I got two ¶

¶ But I loved you forever
while we were together ¶

¶ Thirteen days ¶

¶ Thirteen nights for loving ¶

¶ And you're half
on the edge of town ¶

¶ You kept your dishes
in the oven ¶

¶ And you never put
the toilet seat down ¶

¶ Well, you're a handsome man ¶

¶ Who never finished school ¶

¶ But I loved you forever
while we were together ¶

-[music stops]
-No. I'm not gonna sing.

I bet you'd do it for Julie.

Oh, I would do
anything for Julie.

-[both laugh]
-[screams]

[music continues]

¶ Thirteen days of something ¶

¶ I never ever seen before ¶

¶ You smudged makeup
on the pillow ¶

¶ You spilled nail polish
on the floor ¶

[indistinct]

¶ All my money's gone ¶

[loud bang]

Shane!

Hank.

You still think
it's a bear, Shane?

-That's a fucking bear trap.
-That's a bear trap.

Careful with the lawn now.
I just...

I had it caught, Shane,

and it didn't chew
its leg off, all right?

It pried itself free.
Do you believe that shit?

Hank... you smell that?

-What?
-That's bacon.

I'm not crazy.

And I've seen enough
of this thing to know

I don't know what
the hell it is.

And unless it just fell
out of the goddamn sky

and landed in my backyard
in the last few weeks,

I can't be the only person
that's ever seen it, right?

I mean, there's
gotta be reports.

Reports of what, Hank?
Monsters?

My uncle Pete swore

he saw the Lake George monster
when he was a kid.

Told that damn story every
Christmas till the day he died.

Now Hank, do you know
the problem

with my Uncle Pete's story?

The problem with Uncle
Pete's story is

there ain't no goddamn
monster in Lake George.

Just humor me. Please.

-Do a little digging.
-What am I digging for?

I don't know.

Police reports, you know?
Similar descriptions.

-I mean, you're the detective.
-I am not a detective.

I'm a police officer.

Look, Hank, there
ain't one goddamn town

in this whole goddamn world
that don't have someone saying

they've seen something
they can't explain. Right?

Every lake has a lake monster,

every forest has
a big hairy ape.

Hell, I could ask 100 people
in this town alone,

half of them gonna say
they've see a UFO or a ghost.

Shit, most of them
are gonna say they seen both.

Even though 500 years
of hard science hasn't turned up

one single scrap of evidence
for either one.

Not one single scrap.

But that's what we do,
you know?

We fill in the blanks
what we don't understand.

It's human nature.

We've been letting
our imaginations draw faces

on the noises in the dark
since we were living in caves.

And we always
draw sharp teeth.

Eat your fucking food.

[line ringing]

Hi, this is Abby.

I'm not around right now,
so leave a message.

[cocks gun]

[indistinct chatter]

What is this?
It's the peanut wine.

-Oh, the famous peanut wine.
-Is it made out of peanuts?

No, it's a vineyard in Georgia
that's also like a peanut farm.

Do you know the five
"S's" of wine tasting?

-I know sniff is your favorite.
-Sniff is my favorite!

Oh, God,
this has aged so poorly.

You can do four of those
"S's," but not all of them.

-Which one can't you do?
-Huh?

Seriously, Wade, I cannot
believe you just said that.

-Wait, what?
-Are you pregnant?

-Yes, we're pregnant.
-Oh, no!

-Congratulations!
-I mean congratulations!

-Congratulations.
-Congratulations. Cheers!

[Wade] I can't help it.
I'm so potent.

Congratulations.

I just didn't
want to spoil your day.

Oh, no!
This is the best gift.

I'm so excited. Congratulations!

Thank you, it's amazing.

My question is, when are the two
of you gonna have some kids?

[laughs] Maybe when they
come out at eight years old

so I don't have to do
all the diaper shit.

-[laughter]
-Start out at a good age.

-[indistinct chatter]
-[laughter]

[soft music plays]

You doing all right, Hank?

Yeah, I'm good.

-[horn honks]
-Oh! That's my ride.

So I'm going to go start
blowing all of this,

and I'll see you later.

-Okay. Night, Jane.
-Good night.

[rattling]

-[growling, roaring]
-[Hank shouts]

[roaring]

[roaring]

[Hank] Oh, Jesus.

-[low growl]
-[Hank grunts]

-[gun cocks]
-Oh, God. Oh, my God.

[gun cocks]

-[meowing]
-Darby?

Darby, is that you, girl?

-Oh, Jesus. Darby. Come here.
-[yowling]

-Hey.
-[cat screeches]

-[roaring]
-Oh, my God!

Oh! Oh, my God!

What the fuck was that?
What the fuck was that?!

Oh!

[sobbing quietly]

[no audible dialogue]

[footsteps approaching]

[door rattling]

[soft music plays]

¶ I love when
you're around me ¶

¶ Hug and hold me tight ¶

¶ Come a little closer, dear
There's not a thing to fear ¶

¶ Stay for good this time ¶

¶ Summer, winter
spring or fall ¶

¶ Whether rain
or sun is shining ¶

¶ Morning, noon and night ¶

¶ Stay for good this time ¶

¶ Oh, you know me all too well
You left me for a spell ¶

¶ I was here all alone ¶

¶ Oh, I'm always
thinking of you ¶

¶ Calling on the telephone ¶

¶ Dark nights
Creeping shadows ¶

¶ Makes me think of you ¶

¶ Don't you think of me too? ¶

¶ The birds
leave every autumn ¶

¶ Return again by summertime ¶

¶ I feel like
it's always darkest ¶

¶ Stay for good this time ¶

¶ Stay for good this time ¶

[music stops]

Hank?

You wanna put that in or not?

It's my birthday tomorrow.

I know that.

Abby, of course I know that.

We need to get
the house in order.

-Everybody's coming over.
-No.

Abby, we can't have
people over right now.

Why not?

Because I told you that thing
comes every night.

-Come on, Hank.
-Abby, what? What?

The monster?

Yes, fine. You want me
to put a name on it?

-Yeah, it's a monster.
-Okay.

She didn't get hit
by a car, Abby.

I saw that thing pick her up
and take a bite out of her

like she was a goddamn apple.

Then kill it, Hank.

You're a hunter, right?

That's what you do,
you kill things.

You say it's coming tonight?

Great. When it gets here,
then just fucking kill it.

Can you please fix
the front door?

I don't want to have
to explain that to everybody.

[sighs]

You put the buck
back on the wall.

Yeah.
He has a name, by the way.

It's Valentine.

It's supposed
to be good luck.

-Who told you that?
-Fucking Wade.

[laughs]
He said the Indians said it.

Or the Vikings or some shit.

What time is this thing
showing up?

Any minute now.

If it shows up at all.

I thought you said
it comes every night.

It does. It has.

Every night since you left.

But now you're back.

So I don't know
what's gonna happen.

Hell, I'm not entirely
convinced it's not you.

What's that supposed to mean?

I don't know.

You some kind
of shapeshifter, Abby?

Like a werewolf or something?

You got me.

No, I'm seri...
I'm serious.

[chuckles This is good.
What did you open?

It's wine.

I don't know, you tell me.
Do your, um...

Do your little swirly
sniff test thing.

See if you can get it.

Not really feeling
like it tonight.

Okay.

Where'd you go, Abby?

Miami.

Yeah.

Figured.

You go down there and see
your old boyfriend? Huh?

The old fast-talking
city boy who got you

into all this fancy wine shit
in the first place?

That right?

Yeah, of course that's
what you'd think.

What am I supposed to think?

I don't know, Hank.

That I went to my reunion,
like I told you.

That I begged you
to come to.

But you said you didn't
want to drive all that way

just to put on a tie
and stare up people's noses.

Well, it's 'cause
they're snobs.

Yeah, I got it.

[sighs] So you
didn't see him then?

Is that what you're saying?

No, I did see him.

He was at the reunion
with his wife.

And they left early
to go get their kids.

That's not really
the point, Hank.

Okay. Okay.

Well, that explains
about nine hours.

What about the other four weeks
you were gone? Hm?

-[cocking gun repeatedly]
-Stop that.

Did you know I'm the only
member of my family

that's been on a plane?

Okay.

All right, Abby.
What is the point?

Barlow is enough for them.
That's the point.

But it's not enough for me.

I need art and culture.

And food that isn't brown

and music that
isn't all banjos.

You know, while I was gone,

I had sushi...

...and curry and Cuban food

and... tamales

from a guy on a bike.

And I saw a jazz band
play on the street

and I drank wines
that I couldn't even pronounce.

And I went to a museum
and I went to a baseball game.

And...

...that was all
in just one city.

That was just Miami,
and just one month.

Four hours
from our front porch.

I spent the last month

trying to run my business
without my partner.

Trying to keep our dirty
laundry from

getting aired all over town.

Thinking I was losing my
fucking mind and my best friend.

Wondering if I was
ever gonna see you again.

But hey, tamales.

I'm glad you had
such a good time.

I am sorry
about all of that.

Good.

-I did want to call.
-Hm.

But I knew if I did that you'd
just convince me to come back,

or I'd...
I'd get so mad at you

that I would never
come home at all, so...

I figured I'd just have
to figure it out for myself.

Well, did you?

You know when I came home
after school that summer?

I was just gonna
save some money,

see my parents,
and that was it.

I never intended
to stay here.

Well, why did you, Abby?

For Christ sake,
why'd you stay?

Because of you, Hank.

Because of you,
you wooed me,

and you swept me off my feet
and I fucking fell for it.

Goddamn it, you used
to look at me like I was...

You used to look at me like...

...you couldn't believe
that I existed.

Like you couldn't
believe your luck. You know?

And now, you hardly
look at me at all.

Look at me, Hank.

I see you,

cutting eyes at other girls
all the time.

-Oh, come on.
-I'm not crazy.

I don't think everything's
gonna be all

spontaneous
and new forever.

But I know you,
and I know you're a hunter.

Maybe it was all about
the pursuit all those years ago,

and now you're just looking
for something else to chase.

And now it's been ten years,

and I wake up and...

...I'm a 33-year-old

unmarried, childless
bar manager

living in the only place that
I really ever wanted to leave.

And I think maybe you're
looking around

to see if there's
something else you can chase.

And I'm thinking about all
those things that I gave up

just for a spot
on your wall.

Everyone I know
is married.

They all have kids.

And I have to hear it
all the time, you know.

"What are you two doing?

What's he waiting for?"

I used to think that was
just some

small town bullshit
I didn't care about.

You know? Getting married,
having a whole litter of kids.

I don't know, Hank.
What are we doing?

-[laughs]
-What are you waiting for?

Because if you're waiting
for me to look like

Jane again...

Oh!

You know 20-something
years old, stars in my eyes,

or if you're just looking for
some other dumb doe to chase,

I really wish you
would tell me.

Because it would make things
a whole lot easier.

You have everything
you want here.

You have me,
you have the bar,

you have Wade,
you have your hunting buddies.

You have all these woods
and this big fucking house,

this falling-apart house.

But what if I had gone
back to the city, you know,

all those years ago,
and you had come with me?

And we'd been
living in, like,

a one-bedroom walk-up
all these years, you know?

You could hear
our neighbors above us,

the traffic outside.

You didn't any
of that stuff

and you couldn't wander into
the woods any time you wanted.

You didn't have any of the
things that made you you, or

gave you purpose.

Would I be enough for you?

I don't think I would.

Baby.

Hey, look.

Look at that.

Now I'm a 34-year-old...

...unmarried, childless

bar manager that
lives in the sticks.

Thirty-four.

You remember where we were
tonight ten years ago?

Yeah.

Uh-huh. Right here.

Right in this room.

Sometimes it feels like

we've lived our
whole lives in this room.

I don't think
your monster is coming.

[footsteps climbing stairs]

-"For Julie?"
-Wait, what is it?

Who the fuck is Julie?

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Let me see that.

[laughs] No way! Listen,
this... this is incredible.

I mean, this is a very
romantic birthday.

Oh, yeah, talk about putting
lipstick on a fucking pig.

But this tape, which is probably
full of horribly embarrassing,

very dated,
super emotional songs

that you put on a tape
for another girl.

Oh, no, just one song.

I'm sorry,
there's one song on here?

Yeah, you know, you
put one song and

you repeat it
over and over again.

No, I don't know this.

-So you don't have to rewind.
-You do it over and over?

-Oh, my God.
-Okay, so this tape

is full of one song,
over and over,

for another girl that is not me

but it somehow made its way
here on my birthday.

This gift,
you can't put a bow on it.

-Oh, don't pull that shit.
-You can't unwrap this tape.

I just said that to you,
come on.

This is truly experiential.

-Just play the fucking tape.
-I'm gonna play the tape.

-[soft rock plays]
-[laughter, chatter]

¶ There is a house
in New Orleans ¶

¶ They call the rising sun ¶

¶ And it's been the ruin
of many a poor boy ¶

¶ And Lord I know I'm one ¶

¶ My mother ¶
[voice cracks]

¶ And we cannot be defeated ¶

¶ They can take our bones ¶

¶ And bury them
deep under the river ¶

¶ And we'll still be together ¶

¶ We lost ourselves
in the city lights ¶

¶ With the long rides home
and the quiet nights ¶

¶ But we know
we're the only ones ¶

¶ We know we're the only ones ¶

¶ Happy birthday, dear Abby ¶

-That's my girl.
-Oh, my bitch.

¶ Happy birthday to you ¶

[laughs] Love you!

Okay, you guys have
to promise not to laugh.

This is my first attempt.

-Oh, I know what that is.
-Jesus Christ, what is that?

-Take one and pass it down.
-Is that pond water?

[laughs] I call it Sauvignon
Brun, because it's... brown.

It looks more like
Sauvignon Bluhh!

-Hey, be nice.
-I'm sorry...

You made this?
Abby, you made this?

Yeah.

So you like stomped on grapes
with your dirty feet.

-Is that why it's brown?
-Uh, no. It just...

I didn't seal it right
so it oxidized,

you know how like
an apple goes brown?

-[Wade] That means it's rotten.
-Shut up, baby.

I'm not trying to be negative.
I'm just curious.

Does anyone know
the proper way to taste wine?

See. Swirl.

Sniff.

-Sip and savor.
-That's right.

-You guys remember Jonestown?
-[laughter]

-I think about it all the time.
-Did we just do a pact?

[Wade] Oh, man, we didn't even
do any community outreach.

-[laughter]
-This is so much fun, guys.

I don't even remember the last
time I actually got drunk.

I do. I think it was like
two glasses of wine ago.

Ha-ha. [laughs]

No, well, mama got the nuggets

and she told us to live it up
a little bit.

You-- you-you. We're staying
up to the crack of 12:30.

-[laughter]
-Whoa!

-Party animals.
-Yeah.

Speak for yourself.

[Hank] I may have three
glasses of wine tonight.

-Whoa!
-So, uh, Hank.

Is your monster
stopping by tonight?

Shane.

-Come on, man.
-What? Everybody knows.

Oh, come on.

There's a goddamn
elephant in the room

and no one
wants to talk about it.

It wasn't an elephant.

-It was a panther.
-[laughter]

All right,
I do have one question.

Uh... has anyone here
seen a UFO?

-Yes.
-I did once.

See? Now, Pam.

You are sure it
was an alien spacecraft?

It couldn't have been a plane,
a helicopter, a weather balloon?

It wasn't a weather balloon.
No.

Do you have any idea how vast
the universe is?

I do, it's like...
like nine football fields wide.

And if you are smart enough to
travel billions of light years,

why the fuck would you
come to Barlow?

-I mean, that's a good point.
-You're not wrong.

-You're not wrong on that one.
-I am not wrong.

-Because I am a police officer.
-You're a police officer?

Did you guys know...
did you know that?

I had heard, yeah.

[Shane] And as
a police officer,

it is my job to use logic
and evidence

and the powers of deduction
to figure things out.

And that is why, Pam,

a zig-zagging light
in the sky ain't a UFO,

a glob of dust on a photo
ain't a ghost,

and Hank, whatever the hell
has been coming around

your house for the last month,

it ain't a goblin
or a goddamn demon

or anything else magical
or supernatural, all right?

It's just not.

[Abby] Shane, this is not
the time or the place.

I'm sorry, for the last month

Hank has been shooting at cars

and ranting and raving
about monsters,

and now we're all gonna sit here
and pretend it didn't happen?

I mean, we're all friends,
some of us are family.

Shane, stop!

Some of us should be family

and I'm saying all of this
because I love you.

Is that what it is?

You're doing it
because you love me?

I love you too, buddy.

I love you too, Shane.

You're right.

I've been an asshole lately.

Well, longer than lately,
I guess.

But lately I've been more of an
asshole and I'm sorry for that.

And you're right, maybe
we should've been family by now.

But you're wrong
about what I saw.

Oh, my God,
the fucking ego on you.

You're a bachelor sheriff
in a backwoods shithole

and you think you
got it all figured out.

Right, baby?

You're right, baby.

Hell, you're right about
most things most of the time.

You're right about this town.

This town is nothing but a speck
of dust in a great big world

that's nothing but a speck
of dust in a galaxy,

that's nothing but a speck
of dust in a big wide universe.

And if no thinking thing
in its right mind

is gonna go all that way
to come to Barlow...

...well, how could I ever
expect you to stay here?

You're right, I...

I never gave enough thought to
the things that made you happy.

To the things you care about,

or... the things that
make you who you are.

Or hell, maybe I
ignored them sometimes

because, I don't know,

they made me
feel small or stupid.

Just selfish shit, you know?

I always knew with you
I caught something

that you can't lock up.

And then I went
and tried to do it anyway.

I'm sorry.

So let's get
the fuck out of here.

Let's get out of this place.
Sell the bar,

let's get rid of this
big stupid goddamn house

that's been in my family,
it's been killing everybody,

I'm never gonna fix it.

You're right about that too.
And let's move.

You want to move to Miami?
Let's go.

Or Madrid, Moscow...

I'll go anywhere with you.

Anywhere.

Because, yeah, you're
right about most things,

but you're wrong
about one thing.

You are enough for me, Abby.

One... one more thing.

-This is... shit. Sorry.
-[feedback]

This is for you, baby,

and Julie.

[soft rock plays]

¶ You say ¶

¶ I only hear what I want to ¶

¶ And you say ¶

¶ I talk so all the time ¶

¶ So ¶

¶ And I thought
what I felt was simple ¶

¶ And I thought
that I don't belong ¶

¶ And now that I am leaving ¶

¶ Now I know that I did
something wrong ¶

¶ 'Cause I missed you ¶

¶ Yeah, I missed you ¶

¶ And you say ¶

¶ I only hear what I want to ¶

¶ I don't listen hard
I don't pay attention ¶

¶ To the distance that you're
running to anyone anywhere ¶

¶ I don't understand
if you even care ¶

¶ I'm only hearing negative
No, no, no, bad ¶

¶ So I turned the radio on
I turned the radio up ¶

¶ And this woman
was singing my song ¶

¶ Lovers in love
and the others run away ¶

¶ Lover is crying
'cause the other won't stay ¶

¶ Some of us hover only waiting
for the other who was dying ¶

¶ Since the day
they were born, well ¶

¶ Well, this is not that
I think that I'm throwing ¶

¶ But I'm thrown ¶

¶ And I thought I'd live
forever ¶

¶ But now I'm not too sure ¶

¶ You try to tell me
that I'm clever ¶

¶ but that
won't take me anyhow ¶

¶ Or anywhere with you ¶

¶ And you said
that I was naive ¶

¶ And I thought
that I was strong ¶

¶ Oh, I thought "Hey
I can leave, I can leave" ¶

¶ Oh, but now I know
that I was wrong ¶

¶ 'Cause I missed you ¶

¶ Yeah, I missed you ¶

¶ You said, "You caught me
'cause you want me ¶

¶ And one day you'll let me go"
You try to give away a keeper ¶

¶ Or keep me 'cause you know
you're just so scared to lose ¶

¶ And you say ¶

¶ "Stay" ¶

¶ You say ¶

¶ I only hear what I want to ¶

[roaring]

-[grunting]
-Hank!

[roaring]

[all shouting]

[Shane] Abby, where is Hank's
gun? Where is Hank's gun?

Hank!

I gotta get something
from my truck.

-You go out the back door!
-Where are you going?

-Hank!
-[roaring]

[Hank] Come on!

Hank?

[roaring]

-[grunts]
-[roaring]

[screaming]

-[roaring]
-[grunting]

[monster squealing]

-I got it!
-[cocks gun]

[Hank panting]

[groans]

Hank?

Hank...

Hey, baby...

...are you okay?

[sobbing] I was supposed
to give this to you.

You wanna drink another case
of this shit with me?

[rock music plays]

¶ You ¶

¶ Will bear all my fruit ¶

¶ And you ¶

¶ Will dress all
of my wounds ¶

¶ And I won't ask of you ¶

¶ More than to do
More than to be ¶

¶ There are feet
beneath the knees ¶

¶ And the tower, the trees ¶

¶ And the future I believe ¶

¶ Come like any hope
We will elope ¶

¶ Hold out your hand to me ¶

¶ Make me your soul
Songs from your throat ¶

¶ Berries that
stain your hands ¶

¶ And I will love you ¶

¶ For the rest of your life ¶

¶ I will love you ¶

¶ And I will love you ¶

¶ For the rest of your life ¶

¶ I will love you ¶

¶ Ahhh ¶

¶ Oh, oh, ahh ¶

¶ Oh, ahh, ahhh ¶

¶ Ahh, ohh ¶

[vocalizing continues]

¶ I will love you ¶

¶ For the rest of your life ¶

¶ I will love you ¶

¶ For the rest of your life ¶