Original subtitles

I remember the day like it was yesterday.

November 12, 1944.

My ship, "The Big E," was putting into Pearl for refuelling.

We just plastered the nips at Luzon and Leyte, and we were going back to give them more...

When I got the order to report to Saco headquarters.

Nobody knew much about Saco then...

Except that it was big and secret,

and they seemed to get what they wanted when they wanted it.

Right now they wanted me.

Yours truly, Sam McHale, chief bosun's mate, carrier enterprise.

Okay, chief. They're expecting you. Thanks.

McHale, sir.

Glad to see you, McHale. Thank you, sir.

This is lieutenant commander Wyatt.

How do you do, sir? How do you do?

Commander Wyatt's just arrived from stateside.

He's volunteered for a tough job.

He needs a seasoned C.P.O. To help him do it. Yes, sir.

The commander's a meteorologist from Cal tech. He's one of the best.

In other words, a weatherman. I see.

This thing is top secret, McHale.

You'll be briefed thoroughly on it later, but right now we can give you the general idea.

Commander Wyatt is gonna head up an expeditionary weather unit in the Gobi desert.

The Gobi desert?

And from the check we've made,

he couldn't get a better foreman than chief bosun's mate Sam McHale.

Well, I appreciate the compliment, sir,

but if you're thinking of me for anything but sea duty...

Well, sir, I'm the original blockhead.

I ain't worth two cents unless I got a deck under my feet.

As a matter of fact, I never got past the sixth grade.

Well, in that case you and commander Wyatt ought to make a good team.

He has five degrees.

But, my ship, sir, she's pulling out.

Your ship, McHale, and every ship in the fleet...

Is dependent on the work commander Wyatt will be doing.

You've heard of Saco, haven't you? Yes, sir. A little, sir.

Saco is Sino-American combined operations... "a" priority.

Now, one part of it, and a very vital part, is weather.

As a carrier man, you know what accurate weather forecasts mean to our sea and air strikes.

Yes, of course, sir, but my ship...

For a while we were losing more planes to weather than we were to the enemy.

The situation required desperate measures.

Saco has taken them.

We've put together a lash up across the face of China and Mongolia...

Small expeditionary forces flown in, supplied by air...

For one purpose...

To assemble weather observations,

relay them to central command,

which coordinates a forecast for the whole Pacific theater.

Right now we have five units functioning...

Argos 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5.

Commander Wyatt's unit will be Argos 6,

up here in Chengwan oasis in inner Mongolia.

The crew of Argos 6 is made up of young men,

especially trained for just one job...

Getting the weather and sending it.

What we need in addition, McHale, is a watchdog.

As soon as they started to butter me,

I could feel the deck of the enterprise sliding out from under my feet.

"Top secret." "'A' priority." That's always the pitch.

Watchdog, my neck.

Wet nurse, he meant.

Wet nurse to a bunch of balloon chasers in inner Mongolia,

which is different from outer Mongolia only because it's hotter, drier, sandier...

And "in-er."

Take it from me, brother... the Gobi desert wasn't for sailors.

It was for lizards.

And after six months of fighting the battle of Argos 6,

six months of balloons and barometers and sand that never stopped blowing,

I'd have given half my retirement pay for just one whiff of salt water.

Why do they call it a "theater" of war?

A theater's a place where you see shows or movies. Right?

Coney, you ask too many questions.

If I don't ask questions, how can I learn? Right, Mac? Right.

Good boy. There you go, boy. Hey, that's a good boy.

Hey, Walt, look. I got this jerboa trained.

He's eating "c" rations. He ain't trained. He's crazy.

This newscast from Chongqing reports we've landed troops on Okinawa.

What do you know? Boy, I bet they're giving that island the business.

- Your ship's on that, isn't it, Mac? - Of course it is.

The big "e" is in everything. Right, Mac?

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, Swenson. This your piball form? Yeah.

How about your entries over here, and here? Well, the sand was blowing...

Don't give me that, you lazy swab.

If I catch any more forms half filled, I'll give you something to yelp about.

What's eating him? Three guesses.

What the devil's keeping the skipper?

We got the 1400 report in 10 minutes. Send it without him.

He's gotta okay it. What for? It's only a lousy six-hourly.

Wyatt's the skipper of this detachment.

Anything that goes out goes out over his signature. That's form.

McHale, you'd fill out a form to duck a bullet.

Listen, bright boy. I've been in this man's Navy for 16 years.

I don't know anything about theodolites or slide rules,

and I don't know what I'm doing here, wiping noses for a bunch of jokers like you.

But there's one thing I do know... the Navy means form.

All reports are signed by the officer in charge, filed by me.

All decisions are made by the officer in charge, carried out by me.

That's the way it was on shipboard. That's the way it's gonna be here.

Sing us a sea chanty, will ya, Mac?

Okay, okay, knock it off.

But just remember...

When that relief plane gets here,

there ain't nobody back at H.Q. Gonna be able to glom onto any mistakes made...

By yours truly, Sam McHale.

June the 20th. Happy day!

You wanna know something?

I've been smoothing a spot out there with my bare hands...

For that plane to land.

Boy. Only three weeks.

Hey, Walt, why don't we put a nice, big red circle around June the 20th?

Lay off that calendar! Come on! It's been on January ever since we've been here.

I happen to like January.

I like her myself. Only June has so much more to offer.

That's what you think.

Believe me, I been thinking.

- Skipper! - What happened?

Clumsiest thing... I slipped climbing an outcropping and fell against a rock.

Lucky thing Elwood happened along.

I didn't exactly happen along, sir. Mac sent me.

Good old Mac? Thinks of everything.

Even the absent-minded professor.

Hand me that first-aid kit.

It's nothing, Mac.

Nothing alongside of what I accomplished today.

Would you believe it... I stood smack in the center of a Gobi wind devil.

Checked its temperature and traced its whole pattern.

That 1400 report's right in back of you, sir. We're due in three minutes.

Hasn't it been encoded yet?

No, sir. It's waiting for your okay.

Send it off, Mac. You don't need my initials for everything.

You're the skipper, sir. Those reports have to be filed over your signature.

Very well. Guess that'll do for now.

I'll dress it later.

Okay, you sparks. Crank up for the 1400.

Thank you, sir. Here it is, Walt. Write it up.

Northwest, six and scattered.

Pressure, 2-6-8.

Temperature, 92.

Visibility, one mile and blowing sand.

Clouds, low one, middle seven.

- That sound okay, sir? - Okay, Mac.

Got it, landers? Right. We're on.

Here you go, Jenkins. Right.

You all right?

Fine.

That night a message came in from top Argos...

Marked "secret and urgent."

While I was unscrambling it, Argos 6 was in headquarters' tent...

Trying to keep from being blown out of Mongolia.

Hey, how do they name ships anyway?

Here's a picture of the carrier Lexington... that's a battle.

Here's a picture of the carrier wasp... that's a bug.

- It don't make sense. - Neither does this desert.

Furnace by day and refrigerator by night.

I guess destroyers are named after people. This one's called the U.S.S. Harding.

Don't worry, Coney. They'll never name a ship after you.

Be some ship, wouldn't it?

The U.S.S. Cohen.

Hey, I got something to tell ya.

That message tonight from top Argos was an alert.

We've been warned there's jap cavalry in the desert. Cavalry?

Yeah. Seems like the nips have been getting hit where it hurts.

They figure you guys are responsible.

We're a thousand miles from nowhere. A camel couldn't get this far.

Anyway, first thing tomorrow we're making a check of defensible positions.

What are we gonna defend them with? Barometers?

We got some weapons. We can requisition more.

You don't think there's any danger, do you, Mac?

Buck up, Coney.

Any nips that drop around in this weather can keep the joint.

Hey, toss me some beans, will ya, Elwood.

I'll have two cards. Give me two of your best.

Japs!

Take it easy.

They're Mongols.

Welcome to Argos 6.

My name's McHale, uni...

My name's McHale, United States Navy.

McHale. Chief. U.S. Navy.

Me chief. Chief Kengtu.

You missionary?

No, no. No. Navy.

Navy!

Navy. Ships. You got it?

No missionary? No.

- Use grass? - What?

He wants to know if we use grass. No. No, no.

We don't use grass.

Hey, they're gonna camp on the oasis. What'll we do?

What do you suggest we do? Scare them off with balloons?

Suppose they're bandits.

I read about Mongol bandits.

They bury you in sand and let ants devour you. You guys sit tight.

I'm gonna report this to the old man.

Jenkins, monitor the radios. Set up a 24-hour watch. I'll be right back.

Don't forget... don't none of you guys eat any grass,

no matter how bad the "c" rations get.

Hey, cut that out!

Grass.

Sorry.

Come on, guys. Snap it up.

Get rolling on that firing set.

Boy, they sure can handle that fishing pole.

Yeah. Bareback too.

I been thinking. We're all in the same oasis.

If the japs attack, those Mongols are in the same boat as we are.

What are you drooling about, Jenkins?

Cavalry. You mean them characters?

Yeah.

Yeah. Why not?

My old man was in the cavalry for 30 years. I know a cavalryman when I see one.

Did you ever hear of Genghis Khan, Sabatello?

Genghis what? Genghis Khan.

The Mongol who conquered half the world from the quarterdeck of one of those horses.

Well, all right, quit daydreaming!

Let's go. Come on. Move it, Jenkins.

Aye, aye, sir. Cavalry.

Them guys look like they'd just as soon eat us for breakfast.

Come on! Let me alone!

Listen to me!

It's Halsey. What's he done?

I don't know, but it looks like they're gonna lynch him.

Say the word, chief. Put that away.

It was just a camera. And don't move.

It's a camera!

What's the trouble here? I was just taking some pictures.

They must've thought I was trying to shoot them. Relax, kid.

You fellas have got the wrong idea.

We're friends.

You understand? Friends.

This is only a camera. See?

It's to make pictures, like this.

Kengtu, you examine it.

There's no harm in a camera.

Mongols not understand strange people.

Come on. Thanks.

Wow. That's the closest we've been to war in six months.

I didn't think they were so touchy.

You'd better stay in your own backyard, Elwood.

Boy, that Kengtu is sure a tough hombre.

It ain't Kengtu I'm worried about.

It's that mean-looking baby in the fur hat. He looks like trouble.

Hey, Mac.

The generator's spark plugs are gone,

and so's a flock of rations we brought over from supply.

Gone? These guys are all over the place.

They'll pick up anything that ain't nailed down. And they're beefing about us.

Okay, get some more plugs from the dump. And start an inventory check.

The rest of you get back to work on that gun emplacement.

Looks like we might be needing it for something besides japs.

Poor Mac. There's no form for this.

He's liable to have a nervous breakdown, like Pavlov's dogs.

What? Pavlov.

A scientist who proved that even animals break down...

When they have to face circumstances they can't comprehend.

Another scare like that, you can tell those dogs to move over.

Somehow that business with the camera seemed to change things,

because the next morning Kengtu showed up on our side of the oasis...

And emptied his tribe's pockets.

One tool kit with canvas cuffs.

Step right up. Seats on all floors. No waiting on the balcony.

Six cans of "c" rations.

One coffee pot.

Two ball-peen hammers.

One bar of soap.

Hey, Walt, keep your mind on your work.

Hey!

One silver saddle paperweight.

Well, I'll be... I've been looking for that.

One telegraph key.

One bosun's pipe.

One Crescent wrench.

One flashlight.

One anemometer cup!

Holy smokes.

This kid's the Harpo Marx of inner Mongolia.

Well, I guess that does it,

except for the skipper's uniform and my cap.

Let it go, Mac. I suggest we contribute them to the cause of international relations.

Well!

It's all yours, Sonny,

compliments of the United States Navy.

At ease!

Urgent message from top Argos, sir.

Break it, Mac. Yes, sir.

Guess we don't need an inventory check this week.

All the merchandise is right here.

What does it say, Mac?

What's up? Anything about relief?

Men, I'm sorry to have to tell you,

relief's been postponed.

Postponed?

Enemy pressure has forced top Argos to move to Chongqing.

When they're settled, they promise to try and put together a replacement unit.

Right now... well, I guess we're the varsity.

"Varsity"?

I feel like the class of '88.

What are we supposed to do, hang around till the japs come galloping in?

I know what this means to all of you.

I guess you'll just have to grit your teeth and stick it out.

Top Argos is aware of the spot we're in.

Apparently they feel we're protected from immediate danger by our remoteness.

At any rate, they promise to do anything to help us hold out.

Any weapons we need... anything within reason... they'll try to get to us.

I guess that's all.

Unless you have something to add, Mac.

No, sir, I got nothing to add.

What do you think we ought to requisition? I mean, just in case.

Well, sir, from the looks of this outfit, we couldn't fight off a swarm of gnats,

let alone japs on horseback.

But Jenkins here brought up something the other day...

About getting them Mongols to help defend the oasis.

I kinda got a hunch they'd make pretty good fighting men,

if we could get them on our side.

You're not serious, are you? Why should they fight for us? I don't know, sir.

But the way they been mooning over this thing,

I figure it might be a pretty good persuader.

That trinket? No, not this, sir. I mean the real McCoy.

A bunch of genuine, high-grade leather saddles. Saddles?

- Saddles. - How are we gonna get saddles in the middle of the Gobi?

Top Argos said they'd give us anything within reason.

If they aren't just sounding off,

they oughta get the brass to come across.

I bet there's cavalry saddles gathering dust in the states. Ain't no harm in asking.

What have we got to lose? I think it's a great idea, sir.

Dangle a saddle in front of those babies, and we'll have them eating right out of our hands.

Well, if the Mongols can be persuaded to help defend the oasis,

I see nothing wrong with some kind of lend-lease.

The big question mark is Kengtu.

You take it to him, Mac. How about it?

Yeah. After all, it's protocol.

Kengtu chief. McHale chief.

They're gonna think we're stir-crazy back at headquarters.

Who ever heard of saddles for the Navy?

Navy?

What's he saying now, sir?

He's saying they're not at war with the japs, we are.

Why should they incur the enmity of a powerful foe?

Navy chief wish to speak more?

Nope.

I'd just like to show you the pictures I took the other day.

That's you.

This is Tomec.

This is Wali-Ahkun.

We call him Harpo.

And this is a picture of an American cowboy.

Boy, if Roy Rogers on trigger doesn't get him, nothing will.

Navy chief can get such saddles?

We've made the request.

When saddles come, we talk again.

Fair enough.

Argos 6. Argos 6. This is top Argos.

We're doing business from a new shack at Chongqing.

All observations received, and keep them coming. Now hear this.

I have before me your request...

For 60 United States cavalry saddles.

Either you guys are crazy, or the sun's got you.

I know I said I'd try to get you anything within reason, and I meant it.

If it's still saddles,

well, I'll do the best I can.

But reconsider that request.

You guys are in a tough spot.

The japs are hunting high and low for you.

I'd hate to waste an airdrop. Advise. Over.

I started this whole thing. Now I don't know.

I think it's screwy. How do we know we can trust that Kengtu?

Suppose we get him the saddles and he takes off.

What's his forwarding address? What do you think, Mac?

Well, you're the skipper, sir. It's up to you.

But we made a promise to them Mongols, and we oughta keep it.

Tell them to send the saddles.

You mean that, sir? You bet I do.

Call Mayberry. See they're supplied. Yes, sir.

Shall I tell them to throw in a sack of oats too?

Yes, sir.

Give me Mayberry.

Sixty saddles?

That's right, pal. It says "saddles."

Saddles for the Navy.

Hey! Hey! Here it comes!

Hey!

Okay, let's go get them!

We do. Good.

Okay, boys, load them up.

Well, here they are. How do you like them?

The 1st Mongolian cavalry, United States Navy.

They sure don't look like much.

Give them a chance.

Hey, Coney boy. You know any cavalry calls on that thing?

I know the one they play at the racetrack. Good. Let's have it.

Come on! Gallop, ho!

Come on, you guys! Let's hurry the mail!

Column twos! Hold!

Column twos! Hold!

Watch it.

Duck!

Holy smoke!

I thought those guys were supposed to be for protection.

Let's get this balloon up before we're trampled to death.

Here they come. "C" rations.

They sure must want to get rid of the stuff. Two planeloads.

Yeah, but they ain't ours.

You guys get on that gun!

- Jap planes! - Hey, you guys! Jap planes!

Out on the desert!

Coney, let's get these kids out of here! Out on the desert!

Get out in the desert!

Up there! Quick!

Come on! Move it! Get outta here!

Come on! Move! Get out!

Move it! Get outta here!

Jap planes! Come on! Move! Get out!

Jap planes! Move!

Come on, skipper! Let's... my reports.

Skipper!

Skipper!

Where are they taking them? Out on the desert.

They don't bury their dead. They just leave them exposed.

Exposed? You mean, for the dogs and the vultures?

That's the general idea.

If the body isn't picked clean in a few days, he's supposed to have led a bad life.

You come. Bring horn.

He needs your trumpet to frighten off the demons.

Go ahead, Coney.

Okay, let's get going.

Sabatello, Jenkins, see if you can get those radios working.

Let me know soon as you contact Chongqing.

Landers, you make out a report on damage. Right.

Swenson, Halsey, let's take a look at that supply dump.

You and your calendar.

Took an air raid to put it at the right month.

I still like January.

Wonder what McHale's gonna do with the skipper dead.

What he's been doing every five minutes since we buried him...

Eating my tail out to raise Chongqing.

At least you've got orders. That's a lot more than McHale has.

Hey, what kind of a clambake is this?

Haven't you fixed that thing yet? There isn't a chance, Mac.

We can spit darn near as far as we can send.

All right. Keep at it. Keep at what?

You're radio men, ain't ya?

If Marconi invented it, you can fix it.

Okay.

I tell ya, it's no soap, Mac.

She's dead...

807's shot, I can't fix it, and I haven't got a spare.

Now what do we do?

We got chow for about a week,

unless you guys can go for that boiled rattlesnake them Mongols eat.

Maybe we oughta pull out, Mac? Pull out? Where?

Anywhere. The nips have got us spotted. We're like fish in a barrel.

We could try to reach Argos 4.

That's about 300 miles south.

I ain't going for no hike in that desert.

He's right. Maybe Kengtu would lend us some horses.

There's bound to be a relief plane as soon as top Argos realizes we're silent.

Yeah, suppose the japs get here first.

We still have the 1st Mongolian cavalry. Take a look out there.

Am I crazy, or is that camp deserted?

How do you like that? The first sign of trouble, and they pull out.

Them saddles sure did us a lot of good.

All right, you guys! Grab your socks!

On your feet! Rise and shine!

What's up? Hit the deck, you swabs! We're pulling out of here!

Where to? Sabatello, Swenson, roll up those sleeping bags.

Come on! Get out of there! Jenkins, Halsey, make packs of all the rations on hand!

Landers, fill the canteens. On the double. Do you hear?

Those planes will be back to finish the job, but we ain't gonna be around.

We're getting out of this rat hole!

Are you crazy? Where are we going?

Where sailors belong... to the sea.

The sea? That's 800 miles!

The guy's blown his top.

Now listen, you bunch of dog tags!

You wanna know what you are right this minute?

You're missing in action. You're a telegram from the admiral.

They've been trying to raise you, and they just took a colored pin off the map.

Well, we're gonna fool them.

Nobody's paying off any insurance on Sam McHale. Not yet!

Mac, wait. Let's talk this over.

If we're gonna pull out, let's gamble on something that has a chance.

Argos 4 is 300 miles south...

Yeah. Maybe their radios are still working.

Maybe they are, maybe they ain't!

We don't even know if 4 is still there!

But the sea's always there, and that's where we're going.

What do we do when we get there? Swim to Honolulu?

What we do, when and if we get there, is something I ain't worked out yet.

But right now there's only one thing for you guys to get in your conks...

I'm in charge!

I make the decisions. I give the orders.

And my order for right now is "break camp."

Sabatello, get rid of that golf club.

Jenkins, your boots. Coney, same with your trumpet. We got enough to carry.

Swenson, all equipment secure?

All set, Mac. Okay.

Shove off!

I had a wild kind of plan.

My map showed water holes and villages where we could buy, trade or steal food.

So I figured if we could reach the China coast somewhere north of Peiping,

we might be able to pirate a ship and make it to Okinawa.

Well, that was the deal, and I didn't let on to the men how shaky I felt about it.

But after a couple of days of walking,

I knew how they felt.

Crazy. That's what we are.

Plumb nuts.

Eight hundred miles across the desert,

all because captain Bligh up there likes salt water.

We should have headed for Siberia.

At least if we died, we'd freeze to death.

What do you make of it, Mac? That's a jap spotter, all right.

What's he want with us? We're not sending any more weather reports.

They just want to keep in touch. It's all very chummy.

They won't waste any bullets. They'll let the Gobi finish us off.

What's that?

We should have never left camp.

At least there we knew what we were up against.

Take it easy.

We got guns, and we can use them.

Guns are no good against demons.

What's eating you, Sabatello?

Them Mongols are always talking about a valley of demons.

This must be it.

If we meet any demons, they're gonna get a belly full of lead.

Let's go. Shove off.

Hey!

You all right, kid? Yeah, I'm okay.

Hey. Listen.

It stopped. Yeah.

This Gobi gives me the creeps. Let's get outta here.

Hey, Mac, how about making camp?

We've been walking all night.

Yeah. I'm dead.

You're gonna be a lot deader...

If we don't hit another oasis pretty soon.

What do you see, Mac? Grass.

Maybe it's a mirage. No, it's an oasis, all right.

Kuyang oasis.

Otherwise known as bitter spring halt.

Any japs on it?

Flock of camels.

What seems to be a nomad encampment.

Looks okay.

Hey! This water's bitter!

What's the difference? It's water.

True, it's water.

And in the Gobi, one is grateful for the bitter as well as the sweet.

There are many Wells in the Gobi.

And, like the people one meets,

each little spring has its own characteristic.

There is a spring not more than 50 li from here...

That is known as one-cup halt.

Who are you? Yin tang.

I was born of obscure ancestry.

But a scientific expedition of your countrymen...

Purchased camels from me...

And gave me the nickname "nose-ring Charlie."

Do you sell camels?

For 23 years that has been my livelihood.

How much do you get for one of them?

To the scientific expedition...

I sold camels for $200 apiece.

I will make you the same price.

Well, we don't carry any cash with us.

But we'll pay you double if you can wait till we get back.

Alas, credit is not for the Gobi desert.

The sands blow,

and one's address changes with the sand.

Hey! Look who's here!

Well! It's a small world.

Allow me.

Where's Kengtu?

- Kengtu. - Where is he?

Okay.

Landers, you and Jenkins come with me.

The rest of you, get your stuff together and make camp.

What's the plan, Mac? We got an uncollected I.O.U. In that floating crap game.

What's your name, honey?

Jane.

Tarzan.

Tarzan. Jane. Name!

Walter landers, U.S. Navy.

Nura-Salu.

Nura-Salu.

That's a mighty pretty name.

For Pete's sake, Walt. You walked all night with a pack on your back.

Now you're carrying a jug for this dame?

My strength is as the strength of 10 because my heart...

Well, at least I got a reaction.

You're very welcome.

- Hi. - Welcome.

Thanks.

Never thought we'd be meeting again.

People not safe.

Kengtu bad leader if not think of people. We leave.

Yeah, so I noticed.

And you didn't forget to take the saddles with you.

What is it Navy chief wishes?

Kengtu, we're in trouble.

We're cut off. Have to reach the sea.

Get home. You understand?

Desert make Navy chief mad.

Cannot walk across Gobi. Die in Gobi.

We'd rather die moving than sitting.

We need horses, supplies and a guide.

You promised to help before. Help now.

Promise to help Chengwan, keep jap from oasis,

not fight big birds in sky.

Look, pal, we ain't asking you to fight for us.

We're just asking you to help us reach the sea.

Look, Mongols accepted 60 fine saddles from the Navy.

Now the Navy expects payment someway. You figure it out.

Congress is now in session.

Come on. We'll get the returns later.

Well, it looks like you made a hit, Walter, my boy.

Tell me, how do you do it?

My training as a meteorologist.

I can take one look at a girl and tell weather.

What's taking them so long?

Probably a filibuster from Tomec.

I'm getting a bad case of Tomec poisoning.

That vulture's back.

Here they come.

We decide.

Now, isn't that just peachy?

The no-good, double-crossing buzzards.

What are we gonna do with 60 stinking saddles in the middle of the desert?

Take it easy. Perhaps I can answer that question.

Am I to understand these saddles are for sale?

I don't know. What's your proposition?

Not very new.

But the leather is of passable quality.

I will give you four camels. There's seven of us.

The rider can count his camels,

but the camel cannot count his riders.

Okay. It's a deal.

You have ridden camels before? Nope. Never.

Then perhaps it would be wise for you to accompany my humble caravan...

To the next water hole.

I will teach you the way of the camel.

Okay. We'll take you up on that.

The region of which you speak...

Is called by some the sands of thunder,

by others the singing dunes.

He wasn't kidding about these beasts. I'm sick.

Do what I did, Elwood. Dump it over the side.

I have been trading in camels for 27 years,

and I have learned many lessons.

One lesson I have learned is never trust a Mongol.

You can say that again.

I have yet to learn what it is that wins their loyalty.

But perhaps I talk too much.

That's right, nose-ring. You talk too much.

How you feeling, Elwood? I'm giving up camels for lent.

Take it easy, boy.

Maybe we'd do better if we harnessed some of these bugs.

You guys better hit the sack.

You're not kidding. I'll stand the first watch.

Coney.

You're on, kid.

Keep your eyes peeled.

I don't trust those jokers.

- Who's there? - It is I, yin tang.

There is sleeplessness in the air tonight.

The desert is full of sounds.

I don't hear anything. Your ears are not attuned.

Dried melon strips from Hami.

A delectable food.

Taste one. No. No, thanks.

Nowhere in the world are the melons like those of Hami.

Their drying process cannot be duplicated.

Some say it is the climate,

but perhaps it is the...

Hey, Mac! Mac!

Hit the deck! Come on! Drop that knife, you slob!

Kengtu.

Yin tang bad man.

Cheat Mongols.

Cheat Navy. Sell camels many times over.

Same camels.

My aching throat.

Well, it looks like we owe the 1st Mongolian cavalry a vote of thanks.

Did not do for thanks. For saddles.

What?

People sad to give up saddles. We talk over.

Navy chief still wish help from Mongols?

All the help we can get.

Give order. Mongols obey.

Kengtu, you just help us reach the sea, you can have the saddles...

And 60 beautiful saddle blankets to go with them.

We do.

Thanks, pal.

It don't make sense.

If they wanted the saddles, why didn't they let those cookies knock us off, then take them?

Sabatello, you can think of more things to worry about.

I don't get it, and what I don't get, I don't like.

Looks like you ain't been getting much lately.

Brother, this looks like a ladies' dressing room.

Hey, Jenkins. Yeah?

Get our gear together and turn it over to the Mongols, will you?

All right. Step on it, you guys. We gotta get moving.

How does this kimono work? This way, Elwood.

You better get that stuff off your bugle too.

Hey, Mac. I'm not beefing.

What's the official rule about being caught out of uniform?

We ain't gonna be caught. Yeah, but suppose we are?

Look, do you guys wanna get out of this desert,

or do you wanna sit here and fry?

Kengtu ain't gonna risk his men traveling with us in uniform.

We wanna get out, Mac, but let's be sensible.

Maybe we just oughta borrow seven horses and take off.

I've been trying... how do you know you can trust this guy?

He crossed us once before. He just saved your stupid life.

Come on, you guys. Quit stalling around and get dressed.

Quit acting like a bunch of phony brides.

You guys can do whatever you wanna do.

Me? I ain't getting out of this uniform.

There's nothing in the book says I got to.

Sabatello, this is an order... strip!

Not me, pal.

Anybody wants this uniform, they gotta take it off me.

You heard him, boys.

What do you suppose they'll do with those guys?

They may get off with five days. Five days?

Yeah. Hanging from a tree by their thumbs.

You come.

Ready, Navy chief? Okay, pal. Let's go.

There's one thing you can be sure of.

Kengtu or no Kengtu, on foot or on horse,

if I'd known when we shoved off what it meant to cross Mongolia,

I'd have stayed in Chengwan and taken our chances with the nips and the lizards.

Or, at least, that's the way I felt until our pal, the jap spotter, showed up again...

And went right by us like a hunting dog that had lost the scent.

They went that away, you dirty... yeah, get a horse!

Cut them off at the pass!

Knock it off, will ya? Voices can carry for miles in the desert.

Who's gonna hear us?

There's bound to be a jap patrol on that buzzard's tail, so clam up.

Japs. Mix in with the Mongols. Japs.

Somebody... I think it was landers...

Told me that the word "Gobi" means "wall of Spears."

Whoever named it must have tried to get through it.

And the heat... it didn't beat down, it swam up.

It floated off the ground like too much batter in a waffle iron.

It soon had us all half bugs and weaving in the saddle.

Elwood! Hey, Mac!

Elwood.

Come on, kid. Come on. Snap out of it. I can't make it, Mac.

Just stick with it, Elwood. You can rest pretty soon.

Kengtu says we ought to be hitting a village. Come on, boy.

Hey, Jenks, give us a hand. Okay. Come on, kid.

He'll get us to the sea, all right.

He'll get us there, if it kills every one of us.

As for Kengtu, he didn't miss a trick.

He paid no attention to the compass,

but he always seemed to know exactly where he was headed.

And when we ran into other nomad tribes,

he was like a used-car salesman trading our tired horses in on new ones.

Here you go. Good.

He's beat, Mac. I don't think he can take another day.

He'll do it. He's gotta do it.

How 'bout it, Elwood? You're still in there pitching, ain't you, kid?

Yeah. Sure, Mac. I'm with you.

That-a-boy.

We get fresh horses. Sleep tonight with friends, then go on.

Danger ahead. Beyond mountain, China.

China full of japs.

But we stayed lucky, for the moment anyway.

And when we began to run into rice fields and coolies...

And passed the great wall,

we knew we were in China.

Sangchien.

Thirty li from coast. We go round.

Kengtu, I'm for going into Sangchien.

I know it's risky, but the Chinese are allies.

Maybe we can contact Chongqing, let them know where we are.

Maybe you could get us off your hands.

We go in. Okay. Cover up, boys!

We're marching through Georgia.

Take a look around,

see if you can find an official or a head man we can trust.

We'll wait over there.

I do.

Boy, I'd like to drown slowly in an ocean of beer.

What I'd like is a brand-new... stow it.

Say, what kind of ceremo...

Jap soldiers all over. Many men, many horses.

Wouldn't you know, we'd pick a Garrison town.

Get your men together and saddle up.

Bring our horses to the far gate.

Hutukhtu, temple of living Buddha. Go there.

What about the horses? We get horses.

Door at side. Men and horses wait.

Why, you lousy... Sabatello!

They put us in a truck and convoyed us out of Sangchien.

When the truck came out of the hills, I saw it,

sparkling and glistening, catching the rays of the sun.

We'd made it.

Argos detachment 6, under the brilliant leadership of Sam McHale,

had reached the sea...

As prisoners.

Come on. Lay off.

Take it easy.

All right! Take it easy!

"McHale, Samuel t.,

serial number 5640672."

You have had a huge journey, Sam. Yeah.

How irritating for such epic trip to end as prisoners of Japanese.

Such boldness, such heroics deserves better fate.

Fortunately, Japan is civilized nation, Sam.

We do not mistreat prisoners.

We know all about weather teams in Gobi.

We have already, conquered four.

All we wish, Sam, is to realize how many others.

Also where. Sorry, I can't help you.

Sam, be comforted.

You are not unclosing anything of vitality.

We already have much of this information.

If you've already got it, why ask me?

Small pieces to fit in place.

Now, Sam, let us put our hair down?

Where are the units?

I don't know.

The high command never bothered to confide in me. You're lying! Speak!

My name is Samuel t. McHale,

serial number 5640672,

chief bosun's mate, United States Navy.

Navy?

Strange suiting for American Navy.

Well, our uniforms wore out. We stole these outfits.

How do I know this? You seem to know everything else about us.

I have changed my mind. I confess to ignorance.

I know only that we have captured seven Americans wearing Mongol suiting...

In Japanese-held territory.

What are you getting at?

Under rules of Geneva conference...

Now, look. Our uniforms wore out, I tell you.

I made my men change. I ordered them to, you got that?

I ordered them! I know nothing.

You know we're American sailors.

What are American sailors doing in the desert?

We were sending weather reports from neutral territory.

Who else was sending these reports? Where are they?

How many are left? You talk! You talk!

You tell us all about weather teams! My name is Samuel t. McHale.

Here he comes.

How'd it go? What's gonna happen to us, Mac?

We are prisoners of war,

aren't we?

We're spies.

Aw, quit eating yourself, Mac. Anybody can guess wrong.

Yeah. Nobody's blaming you.

Who says we ain't? This whole screwball scheme was his idea!

Playing ball with them Mongols, putting on these outfits.

We're spies, got that? Spies!

We're gonna be lined up against the wall and shot!

Sabatello, what I like about you...

Is your colorful speech.

Yeah.

Why don't you write a book? You could call it how I became a crud.

Hey, it's a Navy officer.

It's Harpo. Where'd he get the outfit?

It's a lieutenant commander. Hey, it's Wyatt's uniform.

The good one the skipper was missing.

You poor dumb joker.

Didn't you know they'd pick you up, wearing this?

Kengtu. Kengtu.

Did Kengtu send you?

Did he send you? Kengtu.

Now, wait a minute. Is Kengtu here?

Is he around here somewhere?

- What's that? - I don't know.

Kengtu. A boat. Kengtu has a boat.

That's it! Where is it? Where is boat?

- Where is it? - Hagascana.

Hagascana? Where's that?

It's anybody's guess.

Boat. Where? Where boat?

My wristwatch!

It's pointing at 12:00? That's midnight.

No, you... you can keep it, Wali.

What about 12:00? Midnight? What about it?

Well, here we go again.

Holy smokes. What's that?

- Those could be clouds. - Could be.

What are the lines for?

Rain! Kengtu says it's gonna rain tonight, right?

Rain. Sure. Good. That's great.

All over wet. What's this?

To fly? We're to escape at midnight in the rain.

Fine. Great. We'll just fly over all that barbed wire.

How 'bout that, Wali? How are we gonna cut our way through the wire?

Cut. Wire. Cut. Here. Cut. Wire.

How're we gonna do it? Yeah, through there. Yeah, escape.

That's it.

What now? I don't know.

Here it comes. Now, how could Kengtu have predicted it?

I didn't even know it would rain.

All right, Wali. Give me those cutters. Hurry.

Holy cow. What kind of a boat is that?

It's a Chinese junk.

We can't go to sea in that. We'd be better off in a rowboat.

It's okay, Wali. It's okay. Just as long as she floats.

What'd you guys expect, the enterprise?

Why do they call this a "junk"? What else would you call it?

Coney, Jenkins, man those sweeps right there.

Let's go. Sabatello, Swenson, slip the forward lines.

The forward lines, right there! Landers, take the tiller.

Tiller? The tiller, aft.

Halsey, haul away on that line.

All right. Come on. Let's go. Move it.

I reckon this is a sweep.

Are we gonna have to row to Okinawa?

Hey, Mac, what do you do with this overgrown oar? Here. Hold it.

Put it in the grommet like this. The what?

Grommet. There.

Now, when she drifts clear, dig in. All right.

Sure got this thing tied up in knots.

Yeah, we may have to take the wharf with us.

Sabatello, just slip it off. Come on. Let's go.

Well, look who's here.

Japs have Cannon. Navy have Cannon too.

Okay, boys, lend a hand here.

Where do you suppose he got that thing?

From in front of the city hall. Where else?

We thought you tricked us.

No trick friends. Trick japs.

Cannot get sheep through den of wolves,

let wolves take sheep through.

Your sheep ain't out of the woods yet, mate.

If we get through, you're gonna be hearing from us.

You better shove off now. We're liable to be spotted any second. Good luck to you.

I said you better go. Jump off boat quick.

Cannot. Japs all around. Catch Mongols.

Okay, stay on board. We'll drop you off along the coast somewhere.

Better get your boys on board.

Come on! Get aboard! Hey, Mac, this rope's stuck!

Are we gonna take those horses with us too? The horses go with us.

All right. Halsey, get on that sweep. Right.

Landers, stand by the helm. Sabatello, go forward as lookout.

All right, Swenson. Get on here with me.

Right rudder.

Right rudder.

Ease up on those sweeps.

Can't see 10 feet ahead in this soup.

What's that? Well, it ain't a new supermarket.

If it spots us, we're sunk. We couldn't outrun a garbage scow on this tub.

Give me a hand with this Cannon. Cannon? Are you kidding?

Ulysses s. Grant wouldn't have used this hunk of scrap iron.

You think it still works, Mac? It better.

We got the shot, but we need powder.

Kengtu, have your men break open all the bullets they got.

Coney, give them a hand.

We'll need wadding, too, and a ramrod.

Halsey, you and Jenkins take a look below, see what you can find.

Step on it.

Come on!

Coney, where's that powder? Come on! It's coming, Mac. It's coming.

Let me have those cannonballs.

Here we go. There.

All right! Bring her around!

We'll probably get a chance for just one shot, so it better be good.

Got it? Yeah. I'm looking right down her throat.

Say when, Mac. Hold it.

Stand clear, everybody!

Okay! Fire!

We got them! Hit them right in the breadbasket!

Hey, how about that? I feel like John Paul Jones!

Guess you'd call this our first naval victory.

Yeah. The question is, who took the worse beating?

Wow.

Coney! Hey, Coney boy.

We'll bury him at sea,

out of these waters.

Coney.

Kengtu, I'm afraid you're gonna have to go the rest of the way with us.

It's too risky to drop you off. Must get home to people.

Have fight with Tomec. He take others back to Gobi, make trouble.

We'll get you home. I give you my word.

We'll get you home if it takes an admiral's plane to do it.

Sabatello, find some tools, start repairing damage.

Landers, what's our heading?

1-5-0.

Bear left to 1-2-5.

The rest of you guys, bear a hand with these sails. Come on! Look alive!

Swenson, go forward. Get on those halyards, take them off the cleats.

Halyards? Cleats? This is a halyard, and this is a cleat.

How am I supposed to know? I'm a weatherman.

You'll be a sailor by the time we get to Okinawa.

Come on. Let's go.

Eleven days and 600 miles later,

we were spanking along under full sail,

dead on course for Okinawa.

I was proud of every kid on that bucket.

They'd repaired the superstructure, patched sails,

cleaned and scrubbed the decks.

A month ago, they were a bunch of weathermen chasing balloons.

Now they were sailors sailing a ship.

Hey, it's planes! Hey! Maybe they're ours!

Hey!

Let's go.

Haul that tarp clear, on the double!

Get out of here!

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey!

A few days later, the war was over.

Just a couple of days after that, an admiral's plane...

Yeah, you heard me... An admiral's plane...

Circled a grassy oasis in inner Mongolia...

And headed in for a landing.

Okay, Harpo.

Mac, what are you doing? Pinning on your medal?

Well, Wali asked me to wear it.

You know, the Mongols... they put great store in these things.

I won't tell anybody.

Thanks.

Hey, hey, hey! Get your saddle blankets, compliments of the United States Navy!

They're free! Only one to a customer!

Here you are! Hello, Joe! What do you know?

Here you are. Split it up.

Hello, Nura-Salu.

A present for you.

A present.

It's... It's an overnight bag.

You know, when you travel from oasis to oasis.

Wali... he tell them of Navy boat...

Big enough to carry iron birds that fly...

And all Mongols of Gobi.

Wali... he tell them of great Navy chief McHale.

Well, now... Now, look, Kengtu,

there's one thing you gotta get straight.

I'm only a chief petty officer. I don't run the Navy.

You make mistake.

Not my mistake.

Navy mistake.

The 1st Mongolian cavalry. What an outfit.

What a leader. Yeah.

He should have gotten the Navy cross, not me.