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1
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:14,800
2
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:23,320
You should prepare yourself.
3
00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:24,640
Where is it?
4
00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:26,680
I told him what to expect...
5
00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:28,360
Just show me.
6
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:03,240
Bloody hell, Ruth!
7
00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:04,600
This is going to take ages!
8
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,200
I told your boss it was a bad one.
9
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,840
It's 3.00! I'm supposed to be...
10
00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,160
Curry night. I told them,
"He won't like this.
11
00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:12,120
"It's curry night
at the White Horse."
12
00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:13,160
It's on everything!
13
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:16,240
Look, it's on curtains,
bloody clock!
14
00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:18,320
Who puts a white rug
in a kitchen?
15
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:20,680
Did Siegfried move here
after Roy died?
16
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,760
Jesus! What happened?
A woman killed her husband.
17
00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:26,400
What with, a combine harvester?
18
00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:29,160
Stabbed him 38 times. Why?
19
00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:30,640
To piss me off?
20
00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:32,200
You only need five stabs.
21
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:33,800
Anything else is showboating.
22
00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:35,880
Oh, you'll be all right,
you've got ages!
23
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,360
I'm a cleaner.
24
00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:39,360
I'm not Jesus.
25
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:42,760
The naans come out at 7.00,
and they go stale very quickly.
26
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:44,840
I need to be sat down
by 6.30 at the latest.
27
00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:46,480
Well, there you go, three hours.
28
00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:47,640
And I'm up there later.
29
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,840
I'll get Mervin
to keep you a jalfrezi.
30
00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:52,480
Do you think this is
a three-hour job?
31
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:53,520
I've not looked yet,
32
00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:55,840
but I'd be willing to bet
there's blood on the ceiling.
33
00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:58,040
Yep! Hello! Oh, and also...
34
00:01:58,040 --> 00:01:59,640
..the models need doing.
35
00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:03,320
They were his pride and joy,
apparently. Why? He's dead!
36
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:05,680
Who's going to care?
His wife who murdered him?
37
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:07,400
Or am I being thorough for a ghost?
38
00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:11,280
You're just grumpy cos you're on
a promise from the tattooed milf.
39
00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:12,600
No, I'm not.
40
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,440
She'll be waiting for you,
no matter how late you get there.
41
00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:18,320
I'm not seeing her any more.
Aw. Why not?
42
00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:20,520
I think it was cos I realised
that everybody calls her
43
00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:22,600
"the tattooed milf" -
even her own mother.
44
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,600
She doesn't even have
that many tattoos.
45
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:27,560
You haven't seen her back, mate.
It's all anchors and sea monsters.
46
00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:30,720
It's like shagging
a treasure map. Ohh, God!
47
00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,360
She's even got it on the pot plants!
48
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,480
Oh, well, good luck, Mr Mop.
49
00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:36,480
See you later...hopefully.
50
00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:39,440
All right.
51
00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:41,080
Right, Wicky.
52
00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:42,440
Think curry.
53
00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:44,600
Just think delicious curry.
54
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,160
Hello? Mr Policeman?
55
00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:42,680
It's the friendly neighbour!
56
00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:49,560
Hello. Argh!
57
00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:53,280
Hey!
58
00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:55,520
How are you feeling?
59
00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:59,840
Yeah, I'm a little shaken,
but I'll live.
60
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,120
Honestly, you're just like my boy,
61
00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:04,880
running around, causing chaos.
62
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:06,000
To be honest with you,
63
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,240
I was pretty pleased
that I kicked that high.
64
00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,760
Ah! You boys and your karate!
65
00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:15,120
Well, I'd better get on.
66
00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:24,560
Yes, dear.
I'm just waiting for my letter.
67
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,040
Your...?
68
00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:28,840
Well, as I say to my boy,
69
00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:31,000
what's an apology without a letter?
70
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:33,720
It's like a burp in the wind, huh?
71
00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:35,840
You want me to write you
an apology letter?
72
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:38,800
The pie didn't kick itself out
of my hands now, did it, dear?
73
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:41,680
Why not?
74
00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:45,040
Well, it came as no surprise to me
that Mrs Bellingham did this.
75
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:47,480
Never trust a woman
who doesn't bake.
76
00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:50,240
I used to bring a pie
round every Tuesday
77
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:51,680
for poor Mr Bellingham.
78
00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:53,280
And now, look.
79
00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:55,560
Not all women bake, though,
do they?
80
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,440
All women of my generation do.
81
00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:59,040
It was drummed into us -
82
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:02,200
and if she's not baking,
what is she doing?
83
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,840
I guess she's into other things.
84
00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:05,800
Exactly what Myra Hindley said.
85
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,640
So...you must be a policeman.
86
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:12,960
How exciting.
87
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:14,480
No, I'm here to clean up, so...
88
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,360
You're a cleaner?
What did I tell you?
89
00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,200
The world is upside down!
90
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:19,600
Crime scene cleaner.
91
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:21,560
It needs a woman's touch.
92
00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:24,520
Now, get me a mop, and I'll do it.
93
00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:26,640
Name a stain! Pardon?
94
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:29,040
Name a stain
that's impossible to get out.
95
00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:30,440
Beetroot on linen.
96
00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:31,680
Pectinase. What?
97
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:35,440
It's an enzyme which breaks down
pectin, a polysaccharide
98
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:37,240
found in plant cell walls.
99
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:40,040
Used in conjunction
with hydrogen peroxide
100
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,640
and a microfibre brush,
101
00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,440
I can get beetroot out of anything.
102
00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:45,720
And you know why?
103
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:49,560
Because I am a qualified
crime scene cleaner.
104
00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:53,000
I can get dried blood out
of a white woollen carpet.
105
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,840
I can remove skull fragments
from velvet. Ew!
106
00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:58,440
So...think on!
107
00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:05,440
Yeah. Firm, but fair.
108
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:18,000
Hello.
109
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,120
Hey!
110
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:21,720
Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you.
111
00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:23,040
I let myself in.
112
00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,600
Has everyone got keys
to this bloody house?
113
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:26,800
Oh, gosh. I hope not.
114
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:29,760
Erm, just me and our neighbour now,
I think. It's all right.
115
00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:32,120
At least you weren't
carrying a pie, I suppose.
116
00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:34,040
Oh, no. I don't bake.
117
00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:37,720
No. It was a source of some...
irritation for my husband.
118
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:40,880
You're the, erm...?
119
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:42,680
Oh, this is...?
120
00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,640
I'm the wife, yes.
121
00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,840
Oh, I suppose I should
say "widow" now.
122
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:50,840
Yes, I suppose you should!
123
00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:52,800
I was just, erm...
124
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:55,880
I was just going to go
and get some...murder.
125
00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,000
Some...? Some murder for the stab.
126
00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,760
What am I talking about?
127
00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:02,320
I was just going to go and fill
my bucket with blood.
128
00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:03,880
For the murder stab.
129
00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:05,200
Water!
130
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:08,480
Water to clean the stab a man
murder walls of all the blood!
131
00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:09,880
Water!
132
00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:12,400
Water for my bucket!
133
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,640
So, I'll go and do that,
134
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:18,680
and then, maybe you and I could have
a nice cup of tea, couldn't we?
135
00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:22,040
I'm afraid I'm going to have
to ask you to stay.
136
00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:25,400
If you don't mind awfully.
137
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:27,800
I would be delighted.
138
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,680
In the cupboard, please.
139
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,880
Oh... In the cupboard.
140
00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:43,480
No, I can't. I'm sorry.
I'm claustrophobic.
141
00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:45,720
And I can see they've got
wool coats in there,
142
00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:46,760
and I'm allergic.
143
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:49,480
It makes my throat go up like
a puffer fish. Seriously.
144
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:51,080
Cupboard.
145
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:52,800
Look, how long are you going to be?
146
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,360
Just collecting some things,
then I'll be on my way.
147
00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:56,800
So, like, ten minutes?
148
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,280
Or are you going to lock me in,
149
00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:00,160
and then wait for me
to be discovered?
150
00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:02,520
Sorry, have you got somewhere
you've got to be?
151
00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:05,800
Well, yeah.
152
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:09,600
You're being held at gunpoint
by a woman who you know has,
153
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:10,880
within the past 48 hours,
154
00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:13,400
used her husband as a knife block.
155
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:17,000
So, do weigh up your answer
to this really carefully.
156
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,840
What is so...important?
157
00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:24,560
Well, it's nothing.
I was just...
158
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,000
I was just going to go
to the White Horse.
159
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,920
A pub? It's curry night.
160
00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:31,440
It's curry night? Yeah. It's £5.
161
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:35,120
And, honestly, considering it's all
cooked by a white guy called Mervin,
162
00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:36,160
it is delicious.
163
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:38,480
What, it's worth being shot for?
164
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:40,000
You should come!
165
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,640
It's as many naans as you can eat.
166
00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:43,040
That's a mistake by Mervin.
167
00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:45,640
I had nine last week
before the madras came out.
168
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,680
OK. So, you're refusing to get in
because of Mervin's naans?
169
00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:51,200
Let's get this over with.
Hey, hey, hey, no!
170
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,560
I'll get in. I'll get in.
Lovely. It'll be nice.
171
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:06,000
You couldn't ring ahead,
then, could you?
172
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,880
And ask them if they'll put
some on one side for me?
173
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:11,080
If you look on Google,
it's the White Horse.
174
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:12,720
Don't go on the website,
175
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,320
because Mervin messed that up.
176
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,760
The link just takes you
to an abattoir.
177
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,040
In Poland.
178
00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:19,600
I think it's Poland.
179
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:21,560
Either way, the cows look weird.
180
00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:22,600
Hello?!
181
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:23,760
Oh, my God.
182
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:25,440
How dull must your life be?
183
00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:29,840
Come with me.
184
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:39,520
Sit.
185
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,720
This church has a little surprise.
186
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:47,120
Smoke?
187
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,400
Yeah.
188
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:08,600
First time I've ever
done this in here.
189
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,520
He didn't approve of smoking.
190
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:12,120
No, of course he didn't.
191
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,680
That's why I liked hiding them
in his precious little models.
192
00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:19,880
That was a minor act of rebellion.
193
00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:22,920
Oh, don't worry.
194
00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:24,880
I'll, erm... I'll open the windows.
195
00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:26,280
Oh, it's not that.
196
00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:28,760
It's, erm...it's all the...
197
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:30,640
Hm? Oh, yes.
198
00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:32,160
I do need to change.
199
00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:36,080
Don't worry.
I've no intention of hurting you.
200
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,920
Mind you, I had no intention
of hurting my husband.
201
00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:41,200
It's funny. I, erm...
202
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:43,840
I really don't remember
what happened.
203
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:46,920
You stabbed him. 38 times.
204
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:48,320
Goodness me!
205
00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,200
I was cross, wasn't I? Yes.
206
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,760
Five would've been plenty. Hm.
207
00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:54,960
I mean...do you mind me asking?
208
00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:58,640
What did he do wrong?
209
00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:00,320
He made models.
210
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,440
No. No, I mean,
why did you kill him?
211
00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,680
I know what you meant,
and my answer remains.
212
00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:08,560
I don't understand.
213
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:10,520
Have you ever had a paper cut?
214
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:12,280
I don't think I ever have.
215
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,680
But do you know what?
There was a kid I went to school
216
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:17,040
with who used to give them
to himself on purpose.
217
00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:19,160
A cry for help?
Oh, no. He was just a nutter.
218
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,920
Last time I saw him, he was
riding round town on a dog.
219
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:24,160
A paper cut is, erm...
220
00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:25,920
It's small.
221
00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,000
It isn't life-threatening.
222
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,560
But it really hurts.
223
00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:32,600
It bleeds for a really long time.
224
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:36,080
And that's what my marriage
was like.
225
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:39,400
A tiny paper cut...
after tiny paper cut.
226
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:43,560
Until one day...
well, I decided I'd bled enough.
227
00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:45,120
It was his turn.
228
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:50,600
I believe the final straw
was the reordering of the fridge.
229
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:55,200
Eh? Yeah. All of the bottles
rearranged in height order.
230
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,560
It sounds silly, doesn't it?
231
00:11:57,560 --> 00:11:59,880
But I opened the door
232
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:01,480
and, suddenly, I thought,
233
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:05,280
"I do not want the juice
at the top and the Yakult
234
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:07,000
"at the bottom, and..."
235
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:10,640
Well...
236
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,000
I know what you mean.
237
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,800
My ex, once, she put all the DVDs
in alphabetical order,
238
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,320
and I ran her over with the van.
239
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,280
Did you? No!
240
00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,160
Because I'm not a psychopath.
241
00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:22,160
I'm not a psychopath.
242
00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:24,360
I'm the treasurer of
the community centre.
243
00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:27,120
Oh, right. Well, as long as
the coffee morning receipts
244
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:29,880
are in order, who's going to
begrudge you a little bloodbath?
245
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,200
I see.
246
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:33,240
Upstairs.
247
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:35,320
I'm not going in the cupboard.
Upstairs!
248
00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:42,440
Right, get in the bathroom.
249
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:44,840
Was that always an option?
250
00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:47,680
Why did we have to go through
all that cupboard pantomime?
251
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:50,240
Please, don't be fooled by
my charming demeanour.
252
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,480
I'm on the edge.
I have little time. Get in.
253
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:14,760
Fucking sausages!
254
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:17,480
Hey!
255
00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:18,920
Psst!
256
00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:20,800
Hey, kid!
257
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,120
Psst!
258
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,720
Mama said I'm not to talk to you.
259
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,360
What? Why?
260
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:28,840
Because you go around kicking pies
out of people's hands.
261
00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:30,440
Kid, I need your help here!
262
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:38,400
Oh, my God.
263
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:41,480
You got a problem? No, no problem!
264
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,760
Listen. Lend me your phone.
265
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:45,160
I haven't got a phone.
266
00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:47,480
I don't want square eyes,
thank you very much.
267
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:50,360
Can you go and ask your mum
if she'll...? Erm...
268
00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:52,880
Mum's not going to want to help you,
Mr Pie-Kicker.
269
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:54,960
That's what I wanted
to talk to her about.
270
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,880
Because of my silly behaviour,
I didn't get to taste her pie.
271
00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,400
Delicious pies.
Yeah, yeah, delicious pie!
272
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:03,920
So, I was wondering if she'd
give me a second chance...
273
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,560
..and bring me another pie?
274
00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:08,120
You'd have to write her a sorry
letter. She's had a letter!
275
00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:10,000
Mum! Oh, hey, hey, hey!
276
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,200
This is all there is.
277
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:34,800
This is the best I can do.
278
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:03,160
All done?
279
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:04,200
Yeah. Nearly.
280
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,080
Erm... I need to use the bathroom.
281
00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:08,000
Oh, yeah. Of course.
282
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,280
Where are you going?
283
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,360
You said you needed to use...
I do.
284
00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:14,160
You're going to have to
stay in here.
285
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:15,960
Of course.
286
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:18,520
Of course you're going to
make me watch you have a wee.
287
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:19,880
Turn around.
288
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:23,360
It's not a wee I need,
I'm afraid.
289
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:24,680
What?
290
00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:26,400
No, you can't!
291
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:27,840
Not while I'm in here.
292
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,520
What, are you under the impression
that women don't?
293
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:32,480
No, I'm perfectly aware
that women do.
294
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:35,000
I just don't want to be in
the room when it...comes out.
295
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,040
Well, tough.
296
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:38,520
I have been dancing to
the tune of man for 35 years.
297
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,520
If I need to defecate, you can just
damn well stand there and listen.
298
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:43,280
Oh, yeah. Good. Good. You carry on.
299
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,360
Cos this is important, isn't it?
300
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,680
This is like when you won the vote.
Go on!
301
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,120
Poo your way into history.
302
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:52,760
Oh, for God's sake!
303
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:55,400
Be quiet! Me be quiet?!
304
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,680
Have you considered
this might just be gas?
305
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:06,800
No, I'm constipated.
306
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,520
It's hardly surprising -
I've been eating corned beef
307
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:10,920
in the woods for two nights.
308
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:12,280
That's what it is!
309
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,040
Oh, it's no good.
310
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:17,160
It's not going to come
while you're in here.
311
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:18,680
Well, let me go outside, then.
312
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:20,560
I won't run away, I promise.
You will.
313
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:23,760
OK, I will run away! But come on!
314
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:26,640
All right. Stand outside. Go slowly.
315
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,840
But the moment you're outside,
you start talking.
316
00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:31,880
If you stop talking for a second,
I'll start shooting. Fine!
317
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:35,720
Talk!
318
00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:36,760
What about?
319
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:38,480
I don't know. Anything.
320
00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:40,080
All right.
321
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,120
There'll be three types
of curry tonight.
322
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,800
There'll be a madras,
and a jalfrezi...
323
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,080
No, not about your curry.
I'm bored of your curry.
324
00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:47,920
God, your world's so fucking small!
325
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:50,880
I can't think!
326
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:52,720
Why not? I don't know.
327
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:55,200
I suppose it's because
I'm being held at gunpoint
328
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:56,920
by a murderer who's having a shit!
329
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:59,080
Sing, then. Sing what?
330
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:01,120
I don't know! It doesn't matter!
331
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:45,440
Success? Yes.
332
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:48,520
But, erm, I'm afraid you're going
to have to get back in there.
333
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:50,240
That's fine. It's part of the job.
334
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:52,760
I'm used to odours. Yeah.
335
00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:00,920
Yeah.
336
00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:02,560
I mean, fair play, that's awful.
337
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:12,680
Shh! Be quiet!
338
00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:17,920
I told you to shut up.
339
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:20,880
Oh...piss.
340
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:22,800
I thought it was weird.
341
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,960
I thought it was weird that you
stabbed him to death when you had
342
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:27,680
a perfectly good gun in the house.
343
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:30,960
But this is...
One of his stupid models, yeah.
344
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:34,360
It's very good. I didn't say
he wasn't good at models.
345
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:37,840
Hello? Hello there?
346
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:40,160
I got your apology!
347
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:42,000
I have a pie!
348
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,960
I don't understand.
349
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,920
If he was that bad for
all those years... No.
350
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,040
..why didn't you just...?
No, I know.
351
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,760
I had a chance of pushing him down
a huge flight of stairs
352
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,120
a few years ago,
but chickened out last minute.
353
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:57,640
No! I don't mean
why didn't you kill him sooner.
354
00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:00,080
I mean, why didn't you
just leave him?
355
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:03,960
Hello! I've accepted your apology!
356
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,840
Sunk cost fallacy.
357
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:10,080
What? It's a term I learned
at business school
358
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:12,120
when I had my own ambitions...
359
00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:14,320
..and before I gave my life to him.
360
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:15,640
Well, what does it mean?
361
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:17,280
Hello?
362
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,480
What does it matter?
It's over now.
363
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:22,320
Do what you need to do.
364
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:25,720
Anyway...
365
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:27,440
..you wouldn't understand.
366
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:29,360
Hello?
367
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:48,800
Try me.
368
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:52,160
Can I show you something?
369
00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:04,560
Where are we going?
370
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,240
Have you ever heard of
the Dolomites? Yes, of course.
371
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,880
It's where the castle is
with the man, isn't it?
372
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:12,000
Yeah. No, 'course you haven't.
373
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,240
It's a mountain range in Italy.
374
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,640
My grandfather,
he was from the region,
375
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:18,040
and when I was a little girl,
376
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:21,000
he used to tell me tales
of their beauty.
377
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:22,720
Crystal-clear lakes.
378
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:26,320
Air so pure, you'd feel drunk
with every inhalation.
379
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:28,320
Erm, around every corner,
380
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,440
a more godlike vista.
381
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:34,000
Anyway, in the months leading up
to my 50th birthday,
382
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,600
I dropped so many hints -
383
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,560
my longing to go there,
to breathe in that air.
384
00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:40,040
I even took Italian lessons.
385
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:41,480
And...
386
00:21:48,120 --> 00:21:49,600
Oh, God.
387
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:55,040
Yeah.
388
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:04,840
It took him months.
389
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:06,280
Barely saw him.
390
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:07,920
He'd creep into bed at night.
391
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:10,000
The stench of glue will
haunt me for life.
392
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:11,600
Well, it's sort of sweet.
393
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,600
He remembered you liked
the Dolomites.
394
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,520
What? Well, it shows
he was listening, doesn't it?
395
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,720
Hey, for my mum's
birthday this year,
396
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,240
my dad bought her a telescope.
397
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:21,800
She's registered blind.
398
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,640
A lifetime following him around
399
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:28,880
from model convention
to miniature railway.
400
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,680
And the one chance
that he has to make up
401
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:34,240
for 35 years of disappointment
402
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:36,600
and take me to the place
of my dreams...
403
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,200
..and he makes me a model of it?!
404
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,880
No! This is all about him.
405
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:46,400
And, anyway, I want to live life.
406
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:51,480
I don't want to stare at
a mini polystyrene version of it.
407
00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:53,760
You married a nerd!
408
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:55,760
Why did you stay with a nerd?
409
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:58,080
Sunk cost fallacy, I told you.
410
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:00,920
If you invest a lifetime
into something,
411
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:04,840
pulling out means
that lifetime meant nothing.
412
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:07,280
Fine. Why did you have to stab him?
413
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,120
Because I loved him.
414
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:13,240
OK, you're an absolute nut job.
415
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:14,680
Maybe.
416
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:17,080
Well, you're not going
to get away with it.
417
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:19,160
There'll be pictures
of you everywhere.
418
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:21,480
Oh, I've no intention of
getting away with it.
419
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:25,320
Tea?
420
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:36,160
I think you should turn yourself in.
421
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:37,560
Oh, I agree. You do?
422
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:39,200
Oh, yes. Bourbon?
423
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:42,760
Yeah.
424
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:45,720
I mean, I could put a pretty
strong argument together
425
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:47,440
for why I cracked,
426
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:50,400
but, no, that's not my intention.
427
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:53,360
I committed an awful crime...
428
00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:55,760
..and I must pay the price.
429
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:58,360
Fine. So what's with
all the packing, then?
430
00:23:58,360 --> 00:24:02,480
Are they having pool parties
in prison now? Well...
431
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:05,600
..since he died, I feel amazing.
432
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:07,640
I see beauty everywhere.
433
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:09,440
I feel reborn.
434
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:11,760
So, no, I must go to prison,
435
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:15,040
I know I must, but before that...
436
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:17,160
Well, I had wanted to go there.
437
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:18,840
To go where?
438
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:20,120
Dolomites!
439
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,240
I wanted to breathe in that air
440
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:25,840
and swim in those waters,
441
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:30,080
and feel for once, just once,
I wanted to feel alive.
442
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:34,400
In the moment -
no past, no future, just alive.
443
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:38,480
Just two weeks of pure freedom.
444
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,960
Cold gelato. Dry white wine.
445
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:46,400
Eating lemons directly off the tree.
446
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,560
Oh...yes.
447
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:50,160
That does sound good.
448
00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:54,280
Apart from the bit about
eating lemons.
449
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:56,160
Come with me. What?!
450
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:57,840
Come with me. Oh, you're...
451
00:24:57,840 --> 00:24:59,360
Crazy. Yeah. I know.
452
00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:01,240
Why would you want me
to come with you?
453
00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:03,680
Oh, don't flatter yourself.
You're not my type.
454
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:05,640
Your life is going nowhere.
455
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:08,000
You're a single 50-year-old man,
no children,
456
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,120
with a job you tolerate, at best.
457
00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:12,000
I'm very good at my job!
458
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:15,120
I'm actually seeing
a tattooed milf, so...
459
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:17,880
Oh, God.
460
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:21,880
Tell me one thing you've got
to look forward to. Just one.
461
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:24,080
Me and the lads are going
to see Slack Sabbath.
462
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:27,200
Black Sabbath?
No, they're like them, but...
463
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,840
..they're fat.
464
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:31,480
Live.
465
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:33,440
Live for once.
466
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:36,840
All right.
467
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:38,200
I will. Sod it.
468
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:40,280
Really? Yeah. Why not?
469
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:41,800
The tattooed milf'll keep.
470
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:43,680
Oh, my God!
471
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,880
Oh, my God. Erm... I'll just
get the rest of my things.
472
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:48,240
You'll need some clothes.
473
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,200
Shall I, uh, drop you off
at your place?
474
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,880
We'll take my van. They won't have
put a port check on that yet.
475
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,480
Good thinking.
I hope you like vino bianco!
476
00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:58,200
I'm more of a beer man.
477
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,520
But those Continental lagers
are delicious!
478
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:10,160
I'm ready!
479
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:12,360
I hope we find somewhere
where we can dance.
480
00:26:12,360 --> 00:26:14,120
I'm sure we will.
481
00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:15,880
I bought this for myself.
482
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:17,360
I never even showed it to him.
483
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:19,920
It's lovely.
484
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:21,640
Wait till you see when it's on.
485
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:23,680
It's lame, so it catches the light.
486
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:26,880
Fancy. Hm. Isn't it?
487
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:28,240
Listen, we've got to get going.
488
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:31,200
The sooner we're on the road,
the safer it is. Yeah.
489
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:33,600
Sheila, by the way.
490
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:36,240
Eh? My name.
491
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:53,240
Stop! Get down!
492
00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:54,560
Get down!
34881
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