Original subtitles

That's what you need to know.

- Okay.

I can't believe it was open any where.

I know. No?

Better, better. Oh yes, I've already...

- Just don't talk about it, just talk.

- Hey, oh, that was funny.

- It's now ten minutes to eight.

It's ten minutes until everyone is free clothing and they go directly to the door.

- Everybody got a joint?

- Okay.

- Isn't he announcing- - I have to go down to

the-- Isn't he announcing what we're doing?

- How soon do we take our clothes off and go downstairs?

- I know.

- Why don't you take them off now?

- What about the rules?

Where do we pick up the rules?

- You don't have to make up your clock.

Go to props, we'll give you one.

Oh, I hesitate anyway. Okay, I'm ready.

- Look, I'm not ready.

- Does anybody bring a copy of "Briety"?

I was gonna say, "Read a copy of "Briety" a little backstage.

"- I forgot it.

Bring it in.

- It's not classic.

- Okay.

- What about your face?

Just mascara.

I wish you'd try it.

Do it scotches now.

- Gotta make a good line in the show.

- I do too.

- They use genital makeup.

- Well, I should have done it for class.

- You should.

- Hey, Raina.

- Uh-huh?

- Turn on your cock, your fire.

I don't-

- You and Raina were making for them.

- It's cold.

- These clothes are incredible.

- I feel, I shouldn't touch anybody's-- Are you serious?

- Are you serious Nancy?

- Wow, that isn't that fun.

- With the shadow, diddly doodly doodly doodly doodly doodly.

- I'll have to see with mascara.

- That would be great.

- We have a celebrity, what am I gonna get a big mosquito bite right there

and if I scratch it, it turns to blood on my knee there.

- Who's Coke?

- I'm Steven.

- Oh, my dad said he didn't want to see the show.

- Right.

- I talked to her the other day and I told her that

she ever wondered what I looked like since I came over.

- And?

- I can't take your mother to see this show.

- Where's your mother?

- I want to use her ring.

- These curls are incredible.

- No, but that's-- She's not even-- Incredible.

-Okay. -I'm gonna have to-- Enjoy.

- Anytime.

- All right, it won't show.

- Hey, Kenny, I'll meet you downstairs.

You don't need me up here.

- No, just take that extra battery with you.

- Sure.

- Yeah, I got it.

What is this?

- Hey, there he is.

- This is it, Jack, this is it.

Isn't it so beautiful?

- It really is, Jill, it really is beautiful.

- Hey, Jackie, is it better than what I described to you?

- A whole lot's better.

- A whole lot's better than that cocktail

party or that dinner party or that orgy party?

- You can't even compare it to that stupid orgy party.

- Oh, Jack, you know that I'm beginning

to hate cocktail parties and dinner parties and orgy parties.

- Oh, I am too, Jill, especially the orgy parties at dumb, stupid orgy parties.

- Oh, dumb, stupid.

- Yes, and that's why we're both here,

because we're both not dumb and we're both not stupid.

- Oh, we are very bright and very impossibly beautiful.

- Well, it's a wonderful place, but what can we do in it?

- We could have a cocktail party or a dinner party or an orgy party.

- Yes.

- Wouldn't be like any of the ones we've been to.

We could have them alone.

Oh, Jack.

- What's wrong, Jill?

- Maybe we shouldn't have done that.

- Why not?

- We only met this afternoon.

Maybe we should try to get to know one another a little better first.

- Oh, come on, now.

What are you talking about?

- Jack, no.

- I'm sorry, Jill.

- Well, it's too late now.

- Will you stop that, Jill?

- Oh, why should I, Jack?

- Well, I told you I was sorry.

- Well, it's not enough.

- What am I supposed to do?

- I don't know.

- Well, give me an idea.

- Don't you have an imagination?

- That's all I've got, Jill, my imagination.

Oh, I forgot.

I got one other thing.

- What's that, Jack?

- Well, I got my imagination and I got my cock, and that's all I got, Jill.

But I suppose that's enough for a man to have an imagination and a cock.

- Your mouth ought to be washed out with soap.

- What's the matter with you, Jill?

What are you scared of?

- I'm scared of you.

- Me?

Why are you scared of me?

- Because you're a boy.

- Because I'm a boy.

Of course, I'm a boy, and you're a girl.

Look, I'm not scared of you 'cause you're a girl, am I?

So why should you be scared of me?

- Because you're a boy and you just want me for kissing and other things.

- Oh, come on.

- And when you get through playing with me, you'll get tired of

me and you'll just go and look for some other girl to play with.

- Look, you've got the wrong idea about everything, Jill.

There's nothing to be scared about.

- Do you wanna play measuring?

- Measuring?

- That's a game I made up all by myself.

Only a girl and a boy can play it.

- Well, then we can play it, can't we?

- Sure.

- Well, that'd be fun for me.

- Oh yeah, lots of fun for both of us.

- What's it about?

- Oh.

It's about love, I guess.

- Love?

- Love, yes.

- Love?

Oh, Jack, oh, Jack, that's so nice.

- Now, here's what we do.

We get a ruler first, you must have a ruler around your something.

- I do, and my pencil box.

Here it is, Jack, 12-inch ruler, that's enough isn't it?

- Well, we'll see.

- Oh, I can hardly wait.

- I'm so excited.

Save being excited for when we're really playing the last part.

- Oh, all right, just hurry up and show me how to play.

- Okay, now, see, we take turns, see.

Now, it doesn't matter whose turn it is first,

but since the other girl,

I think it should be your turn first.

- Oh, Jack, that's nice of you.

- Yeah, that's what you do.

You measure my thing first to see how long it is.

- Your thing?

- I'm not, not my thing.

- Oh, hey, there's nothing wrong with that, Jack.

- Oh, come on, Jill.

- Jack, don't you already know how long your thing is?

You must have played this game with many girls

before me, and you must already know how long it is.

- Look, I swear to God, I've never played this

game with any other girl in my whole life.

- Jack, what am I gonna do with you?

- You're impossible!

- I know.

Now, after you measure my thing, see, then I take the ruler, and I slowly, carefully,

gently slip it into your thing in order to see how deep it is.

- Oh, God, Jack.

- And if your thing is deeper than my thing is long,

then you have the right to decide whether I slide my thing inside of yours or not.

- Oh, God, Jack.

- And if my thing is longer, then I decide.

- Oh, God, Jack.

- And that's it, Jill.

See, I told you it was easy.

Jack.

- What?

- Well.

- What's wrong?

- Uh.

- What is it?

- Oh, Jack.

- What?

- What?

- Doesn't your thing have to be standing up in the air if you wanna measure it?

I am so ashamed.

- Look, it is up in the air.

It's been standing up in the air since the first mention this afternoon.

See?

God, Jack.

Oh, God.

Oh, Jack.

- Well, use the ruler, Jill.

- All right.

Let's see.

- That's it, Jack, that's it.

Now, how much is it?

- It's, uh.

- How many inches?

- Six.

- Huh?

- Six.

A little bit over six inches.

- Oh, hey.

Well, that's not bad, huh?

Could be a lot's better, but it's not bad.

Now, it's my turn.

- No.

- Hey, it's my turn.

- Maybe we better not, Jack.

- Oh, yeah.

I promise it won't hurt.

- Okay.

Be careful.

- Nothing to worry about, Jill.

Nothing.

Jill, nothing.

Be still, Jill.

- Jack, I can't.

- You've got to be, Jill.

- Oh!

- There you see, Jill.

Uh.

Ah.

- Oh.

- Ah.

- Oh.

Oh!

Jack!

- What?

- I think it's as far as it can go.

- I think you're right, Jill.

- Oh.

Hey, Jack, how much is it?

- Huh?

- How much is it?

- Well.

- Did, did I win, Jack?

Did I?

Did I do that?

- It's exactly eight inches deep.

- I've won.

I won.

I've won.

I won.

- All right, all right, all right.

Haven't you signed him yet?

- Sign what, Jack?

- I ain't got the choice, remember,

though I get to put my thing inside of your thing or not.

- Oh, Jill, you're impossible.

- Yes, I know, Jill.

- Jack, I'm trying to fool over you.

I just mentioned this afternoon, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

I do, I love you.

- I'm in love with you, too, baby.

- What are you doing, Jack?

- Nothing, nothing.

- Jack, you're hurting me.

- Oh, no, this isn't gonna hurt, Jill.

Jack, I'm in love with you.

- Me too, baby, me too, baby.

Did you see them all, baby, huh?

Did you see them all at the cocktail party?

Oh, big tits, small tits, almost showing,

almost falling out into my white open mouth.

I kissed one on the neck for a while, I stuck my hand up her short red shining dress.

Now I'm in love with you, too, baby.

- No, Jack.

- It's like a dinner party, huh?

Sucking on teaspoons and tablespoons and sliding their lips

on hard sharp porches, dropping strawberries on my crotch,

and soft wine on my tie, and strawberries on my crotch.

- Jack!

- God, baby, man, at the allergy party,

it wasn't that dumb, and it wasn't that stupid, two girls, two really--

- No, no, no, no, Jack, no, please!

No, you don't know what you're doing, you're killing me!

Please, oh, no, oh, God, God, no!

Hey, baby.

It wasn't that dumb and stupid.

No, that last party, it wasn't that dumb and stupid.

Hey, baby.

Hey, baby.

Hey, what's your name, anyway?

You never told me your name.

My name's Joe, what's yours?

Oh, so you're not talking, huh?

Well, my name's Richard.

Jesus Christ, are you stubborn?

Hey, baby, what the hell is your name?

Hey, hey, look, I won't hurt you.

I'm, I'm the gentlest guy you'd ever want to

meet in your whole life, I wouldn't hurt a fly.

In fact, I always protect flies and moths

and butterflies, too.

Just saying, but I know what your name is.

Your name is Jill, hmm?

That's what it is, isn't it?

Jill?

You know what?

No, you, you look like a Jill to me.

Well, that's, that's a very pretty name for a girl.

Jill, you know, I'll, I'll bet that's what it is.

Jill.

How are you, Jill?

My name's Jim.

♪ Jack and Jill are playing games ♪

♪ And they are young and bright and ♪

♪ Impossibly beautiful ♪

♪ Their whole world is warm and loving ♪

♪ So Jack and Jill are playing games ♪

♪ Forever Jack and Jill are playing games ♪

♪ Forever ♪

Letters to the editor, London, 1939, New York, 1969,

authors unknown.

♪ Dear editor, I had my first real corset ♪

♪ At 12 years of age ♪

♪ It fitted my babyish measurements closely ♪

♪ My mother insisted my waist should be kept at that size ♪

♪ And never allowed to enlarge ♪

♪ Though my bust and my hips were permitted to do so ♪

♪ Dear editor, I have read with much interest ♪

♪ The letters on the subject of punishing doctors ♪

♪ Many of your readers feel that girls should be chastised ♪

♪ Even when in their teens ♪

♪ Dear editor, I believe it can be truthfully said ♪

♪ That most men enjoy seeing girls while high heels ♪

♪ When I was married, I reduced my waist ♪

♪ To 15 inches on special occasions ♪

♪ I shall never forget walking sedately across the lawns ♪

♪ It brightened on a Sunday morning ♪

♪ Until we were 14 ♪

♪ The only punishment my sister and I received ♪

♪ Were ordinary spankings draped across our mother's knee ♪

♪ After that age, we were soundly whipped ♪

♪ Dear editor, I'm rather keen ♪

♪ On unusual kinds of adornment ♪

♪ Such as curious earrings, nose ornaments ♪

♪ Macintosh capes and starched petticoats ♪

♪ Dear editor, here is the late news about my attempts ♪

♪ At making my own rubberwear ♪

♪ One of your readers, Waterproof Willy ♪

♪ Suggested rayon direct one niggas which I wear ♪

♪ With the rubber next to my skin ♪

♪ There are many reasons why high heels are attractive ♪

♪ Beyond the day I saw a lady wearing wide octagonal ♪

♪ One is the exquisite beauty of the shoes themselves ♪

♪ Right through the loves of her ears ♪

♪ Once I met an old school fellow ♪

♪ His waist had been laced to the same size as mine ♪

♪ We received on our bare bottoms ♪

♪ Up to a dozen strokes with a long thin cage ♪

♪ How we laughed at the scenes we had come ♪

♪ All the peculiar piercings ♪

♪ I wonder how this was ♪

♪ High heels cause a marked accentuation of ♪

♪ The swelling curve of the instep ♪

♪ If any reader can explain ♪

♪ I shall be ♪

♪ My rubber knuckles fit tightly around hips and waist ♪

♪ The resultant appearance is very sheer ♪

♪ My husband says I'm an ideal wife ♪

♪ And attributes it to the kind of firm ♪

♪ Way in which I was brought up ♪

♪ And the readers must have seen ♪

♪ Unusual piercings like the one in my house ♪

♪ Only for special occasions ♪

♪ You're allowed to fuck him on a granny ♪

♪ Even the lovers and lawyers ♪

♪ And the peace line ♪

♪ Stretching, stretching, stretching, stretching, stretching ♪

♪ You're truly, truly ♪

♪ You're truly, truly, truly ♪

♪ Last-waisted widow ♪

♪ Happy, happy, happy, happy ♪

♪ Happy wife ♪

♪ Here editor ♪

♪ Nice guy, 50, civilized, generous, white, and prejudiced ♪

♪ A handicap who wishes to meet their deficient woman ♪

♪ For exploration of mutual interest ♪

♪ Here editor ♪

♪ Lancer, a necklace, 35, 23, 36 ♪

♪ Any pulse you desire of a little or a lot ♪

♪ Will do its part in dancing ♪

♪ A little acting ♪

♪ 60 year editor ♪

♪ Seeking males and females to serve as my slave ♪

♪ Get down on your knees and write me now ♪

♪ Here editor ♪

♪ I know your male dog's needs ♪

♪ I'll serve us all their animal desires ♪

♪ I'm well equipped to handle everything ♪

♪ Your dog will be so satisfied ♪

The happy wife with nympho-like tendencies Seeking rugged,

feral-type male Who went to the head of his French class

Syria's late

Syria's late Strong man with a big beard Strong man with a big beard Sarah's late

Strong man with a big beard Strong man with a big beard Sarah's late

Strong man with a big beard Syria's late Strong man with a big beard

Strong man with a big beard Syria's late Syria's late Strong man with a big beard

Syria's late I began to lick very gently On the back of his balls

On the space between his balls And his asshole I let my tongue drop into his asshole

And back down his balls again I stretched out in front of the fireplace

I stretched out in front of the fireplace While he licked hot cider out of my cunt

With his big, wet, hairy tongue He had hair all over his tongue

He had hair all over his tongue He made his tongue go round

I covered his cock with cream cheese I covered his cock with cream cheese

I covered his cock with cream cheese And then I stuck a bagel on the end of it

And then I stuck a bagel on the end of it And then I opened my

mouth wide as a bird And then I opened my mouth wide as a bird

I walked into a store to buy a pair of black leather pants

And was surprised to see a very beautiful girl behind the counter

With huge, beautiful breasts and no brassiere And a very short skirt

She brought out a pair of pants for me that were

very tight And I put them on in front of the mirror

And she came up behind me and she started getting across my legs

And between my crotch and she said that they thought I'd be tight

And I immediately got very excited And very excited

I walked into a cream cheese and I would just as say, "Who's coming?

"And I would take it down to the corner and stand at a high slope

And I filled them in with my mouth like they had a tie

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

And I took them and pulled them quickly across the table

I was scarcely fourteen when Sir Harry invited

Mummy and me down to Surrey for the weekend.

We were going to ride, but Mummy would have her

headache, so I rode off alone with Sir Harry.

A sudden storm broke. Lightning flashed my stallion,

bolted for the stable. I could scarcely control the beast.

Sir Harry galloped off to me and helped me to dismount.

Suddenly, I saw him signal to his groom, who closed

the stable door and bolted it from the outside.

"Sir Harry," I cried. "What is the meaning of this?

""Be calm, my child," he replied. "You are only going to be stripped naked.

""Oh, but why?" I asked. "In order to learn

how a girl controls a stallion," he replied.

"Oh, imagine, if you will, my mental and physical anguish

as garment after garment was removed by Sir Harry.

"At last I was left naked, save for my riding boots.

He, too, decided to tie my arms.

"Oh, don't, don't," I cried, but now his answer was

to stroke most lovingly my delicious twin globes.

Then he threw me down upon the hay, reluctantly quitting my

maiden breast with a passionate kiss upon the terrified nipples.

My eyes dilated with horror as he vigorously attacked my thigh,

his hand descending to the moist mysteries of my virgin recesses.

The filthy child molester! Oh, poor Helen, fingered and not yet fifteen.

Both fingers were but the rude couriers of a blind tyrant. The violation proceeded,

mindless of my pleading, as stiff and rampant

that ruler rioted within my outraged orifice.

How a strange and alien sensation occurred within me.

Not pleasure, Helen.

How dare you suggest that, Alfred? I was nearly overcome. Naturally, I fainted.

Oh, thank God. And, of course, you told your mother of the Alfred.

I did not.

You did. Well, he raped you.

What did that have to do with me, Alfred? I had not voluntarily submitted.

I had struggled in a fashion befitting my age in education.

Naturally, I kept my own counsel. And a wise move it was. The following spring,

Sir Harry arranged for Daddy to be appointed to a high government post in India.

Oh, what a blessing that was, Alfred. In spite of the rajah.

The rajah?

It was beastly hot in Pune. So Mummy and Daddy sent me off to

spend a few weeks with the rajah at his summer palace in the hills.

A charming but uneventful stay.

The Rani are dear brown creature. The rajah's splendid host.

Helen, Helen, what happened?

It was the day of my leave-taking. I kissed the Rani goodbye on her adorable red

cast Mark. Then I ventured into the summer garden to say farewell to my host.

It was there that he announced his intention of

showing me a view of India denied most foreign women.

At which point he undid his white silk mohair

trousers and revealed his rising regality.

I attempted to flee the garden but my way was blocked by six huge

servants who dragged me fighting and shrieking back to the rajah.

And I was forced to witness him as he anointed his linger.

Oh, good lord.

I was then forced to lie down on some very pretty slub silk cushions while

his servants spread my legs apart in what he said was to widen my yoni.

Yoni?

The servants spread my legs apart in what he called the yawning

position forced to rest upon the rajah's broad shoulders.

Suddenly, from between his clenched ivory teeth, he issued the sound "thhht"

while striking me softly across the breast and penetrating to my depths.

Oh, I love him.

You poor child.

You cannot imagine the torment I endured beneath the rajah's raging lust.

It was not until he had satisfied his cruel craving in what he

called the Congress of the Cow that I was permitted to rest.

Well, he took you like an animal.

A sacred animal, Alfred. Remember that.

Well, poor Helen, what you have endured.

Without complaint, Alfred.

It does no good to fret about the unavoidable, now does it?

No.

Why, in my travels I've been attacked and outraged over thirty-seven times.

But I've had the will to suffer them all and remain chaste.

Never once have I been compromised by an attacker.

Never once has a whisper been raised about the virtue of Helen Axminster.

Never once.

Until now.

Helen, I swear I'll never breathe a word.

Oh, what good will that do, Alfred?

I will have spent the night in your flat.

But without incident.

What difference does that make, Alfred?

The world will not believe.

When we are free tomorrow morning, I will no longer be a virgin.

What?

You have ruined me, Alfred.

Oh, but Helen, I've never touched any part. I've sat on this...

I will be removed from my position at the head of

Mayfair Society and placed directly in its crotch.

Oh, no, no, Helen, you merely imagine… I know the world, Alfred.

And it speaks with a foul mouth about girls who permit themselves to be compromised.

She becomes the subject of hideous alliteration.

All cock and cunt.

All prick and pussy.

Oh, for God's sake.

I have been ambushed by an amateur in an irritation antique armchair.

So this ad said they were looking for healthy

young men to volunteer for a sex experiment.

And I didn't have too much work to do, so I figured, what the hell, you know?

Good morning.

Good afternoon.

Good evening.

Well, there goes another day.

I'm here about the sex experiment.

Yes.

The one you mentioned in the ad.

Are you a student here?

Yes, pre-med.

Tell me.

Why are you volunteering to participate?

You mean outside of my obvious professional interest in such matters?

Yes, outside of that.

Well, quite frankly, I consider myself somewhat of a…

Well, actually quite good.

At least fairly adequate.

And?

And I thought it might be a good way of meeting girls.

You realize, of course, that you'll never be permitted to learn the identity of

the young lady or ladies that you'll meet during the course of this experiment.

Oh, that's okay.

And that the sum of $25 is a total compensation for any and

all liabilities incurred as a result of this experiment.

I do?

Very well.

You fill out these forms in the next room.

Pearl Mudder.

Right.

Says here you're volunteering for a straight heteronorm coital setup.

Right.

No interest in anything more exotic.

What do you got up your sleeve?

Nobody likes a smart-ass young man.

Well, what do you mean?

As I'm sure you realize, not everybody in the

world gets his kicks from just genital contact,

nor from contact with a partner of a sex opposite his own, nor from

just one partner at a time, nor even from exclusively human partners.

What?

Naturally.

So what I am asking is do you truly wish to restrict

yourself to one human partner at a time of the opposite sex?

Yes.

All right.

At least the first one.

Very well.

Take these forms, fill them all out, please.

I'll strip down to your shorts while you're filling them out.

We're on a tight schedule here.

Yeah, well, good morning, Doctor, uh… Ronson.

Hi, good morning, I came in here for…

Pearl Mudder!

Right.

I'm going to see if we have a copy of the thing with the… Yeah, I'm Dr. Jaspers.

How do you do?

Boom, that's your fist, just your forms, you dumb fucker.

I'm going to see if we have a copy of the… That was, uh… Yeah.

Now, send in our next partner.

Here's the fan.

We'll have a… I'll figure the… I'll figure the…

I'll figure it out just like it is.

How are you, sweetheart?

Dr. Ronson, please attach the electrodes.

Hey, what is the… Not too bad, little cocker.

All right, children, don't worry about me, I'll get started.

What are these things?

Don't pay any attention to them, just get the ball rolling.

These things are going to stop the ball from rolling.

Well, what's the matter, you got square balls?

Make sure you they won't.

I'm not sure I like these things at all.

Why don't you start things off, dear?

Hello.

Hi, there.

Remove the brassiere, please.

I need a nipple.

Nipple?

Definitely would.

Good morning.

It's all the same to you, I would prefer that you worked on the right one.

The left one is mine.

Sorry.

Feel nice.

Excitation reading?

I get an excitation reading of 3.5.

All right, less talking and more fucking.

I wasn't talking.

You weren't fucking either.

All right, let's push on now.

I need the crotch.

Crotch?

Crotch, got it.

Not yours, hers.

Crotch, got it.

Wait for the electrodes, dum-dum.

That's the last time we advertise for help in Screw Magazine.

All right, you kids may have all night, but we are on a very tight schedule.

You come here often?

Well, I've been here about 16 or 17 times.

Oh, really?

Me too.

How'd you happen to volunteer for this?

What the hell are you doing to me there?

Nearly an intrauterine camera.

An intrauterine camera?

Dr. Jasper, they're inserting an intrauterine camera.

Just be thankful it's not a Polaroid, Sonny.

While you're there, why don't you check the oil?

You have beautiful skin.

I like the look that we get when they both are thinking of us.

I wish people would leave their hearts on

their sleeves because I like the look of love.

Oh, wow, this is the best sexual experience of my entire life.

Am I going to see you again?

Oh, yes.

Often?

Yes, as often as you want.

Will you stop seeing anyone else you now see?

Oh, of course I will.

Oh, the moon as it shines on all its legs.

I like the look of love.

Oh, there's a thing in the rain.

I like to look up to people who know what they're dreaming of.

So I stroll through the park.

When it's just getting dark.

Because I like the look.

We like the look.

I like the look.

All right, move along, you devil's heart.

All right, that's all folks.

We'll be right back.

We'll be right back.

We'll be right back.

We'll be right back.

We'll be right back.

I was walking in the shadows.

And the birds were flying to the moon.

While life is over much too soon.

Don't watch for the morning.

It's only the sun.

And spring is a feeling.

I'll never run.

I was looking for a window.

And the nets were covered in the room.

While life is over much too soon.

Don't wish forever.

It's only a friend.

And time is a season.

That never ends.

We'll be right back.

We'll be right back.

We'll be right back.

The world keeps floating.

All alone in space.

Don't stare at the mirror.

It's only your face.

We wait for the echo.

That answers it too.

Then we are all blue.

Much too soon.

We wait for the echo.

That answers it too.

And we are over much too soon.

We wait for the echo.

We wait for the echo.

We wait for the echo.

We wait for the echo.

It was midweek in Midway.

In the middle of 1960s.

On a fair midland day.

In middle village USA.

That two people named Clarence Coons and Little Red Susan Archer.

Come to be familiar in a most familiar way.

Along the Skinner 66.

Clarence gunned his Harley.

Nothing much of consequence.

A working in his head.

Man and cycle joined together.

One black mass of steel and leather.

A modern metal monster for the citizens to dread.

Ooh, Clarence, watch yourself boy loogie.

Middle written middle class working hard.

Man hashed truckers.

Suffers them to pinch her ass.

And raise her tips that way.

Then she takes her increased earnings.

To her lawful husband Vernon.

His unemployed and drinking heart at Bertha's hideaway.

This night she left the diner.

Looking forward to the late show.

Chuck it out, making farts.

Nothing much for bed.

Went out of nowhere for the booze.

Come roaring Mr. Clarence Coons.

Toward the fateful meeting with the middle class Mildred.

Ooh, Clarence, hey watch yourself boy steady.

May be too late already, Clarence.

With squealing brakes and screaming tires.

Clarence slowed to 60.

When he spotted Mildred sitting tired on a bale of hay.

Can I ride you ma'am?

I'll take you to town.

Clarence asked politely.

I hope my ankle help me down is what he heard her say.

Ooh, Mildred, shame on you for lying.

Watch yourself when he's buying, Mildred.

Before her sneakers hit the ground.

Mildred grabbed his center.

His eyes lit up, his fly slid down.

Her middle class was spread.

Now he was not so rude as to refuse her plea to enter.

And as he did he heard these words which were the ones she said.

Ooh, Clarence.

Well I ain't had much lovin' for almost a year.

An out of work man is good for none but drinkin' and pissin' beer.

So treat me rough, stuff me clarity.

Give me thrills, fill me clarity.

Hey trashy daddy open yours right away.

Ooh, Clarence.

If you had burned my wine, you'd be sleepin' late this mornin', Clarence.

Far along the road comes Vernon returnin' home from birth.

Feelin' kinda mean that night, or so I heard folks say.

Well when Mildred see him, rage, cry, kill him.

And Vernon would attract.

But luckily his drinkin' pal was Sheriff Billy Shay.

They got him on illicit carnal knowledge of a woman.

That's worth thirty years, and that's where Clarence is today.

He is doin' time at Folsom, where they learn you to be wholesome.

And Mildred's home with Vernon and their little baby Ray.

Ooh, Clarence. Be glad you didn't case.

That's what you get for messin' around with middle class poontang.

Lawn don't seem too bad this time of year, does it, son?

'Cept around the sprinkler heads.

It's always wet around the sprinkler heads, so it grows all the time, I guess.

If we could get the fence painted by next week it'd be nice, you know?

It's not a good fence,

but if we could get it

painted by next week it'd be nice, I guess.

White would be good, sure.

Or maybe a kind of off-white, you know?

So what about a kind of off-white?

You know what I mean?

A kind of different white?

They're just a little different, you know?

Not too much different from the way it is now. What do you think?

Different kind of white, so it won't be too much the same.

Could be almost the same,

but still be a little different.

Be fun, I think.

And what about the rock garden?

Not bad for my never having made one before.

It's one of them new kinds with rocks and stuff in it.

Has lots of rocks and stuff from the trip.

We found afterwards it was really worth carrying all those rocks around, you know?

It's a nice rock garden.

Keeps me pretty busy.

I'd change it every day.

This whole place but looking like a new place and new place.

One of them new places with rock gardens all over and fountains.

You come up the street,

there'd be a nice green lawn,

a lot of rock gardens.

And the irrigation running,

the new trees all sort of green.

And the fence all painted a different kind of white paint.

And the grass

cut around the sprinkler heads and all that, you know?

When I come, it's like a river.

It's all over the bed and the sheets and everything, you know, Pa?

I mean,

short vagina gives me security.

I can't help it.

I mean, I like to feel like I'm really turning the girl on, you know?

It's a much better screw is what it amounts to me.

I mean, well, if a girl has a really small vagina,

it's really better to go in from behind, you know?

I mean, well, she can

sit with her legs together

and you sit facing her, but that's different.

I mean, that's a different kind of thing, you know?

Oh, you can do it standing, you know?

Yeah, just by backing her up, you know?

See, you just stand and she goes down and down until she's on my.

.. until she's sitting on your dick.

You know what I mean, Pa?

Boy, she'll come a hundred times and you just stand there holding on to it.

That way you don't even have to undress, you know.

Of course, she may not even want to undress at all I mean,

I like to undress myself, but some girls, they just don't want to, I guess.

I like going down on girls too, you know what I mean?

She gives me some head and then I give her some.

It's just sort of a give and take thing, I guess.

You know, actually, girls really like fingers almost as well as a dick.

Why, if you move your finger fast enough, they'd rather have it that way almost.

Oh, I learned to use my thumb, you know.

You can get a thumb in much further, actually.

I mean, oh, a thumb will go a good eight inches.

Whereas a finger will only go five or six, you know.

I don't know.

I really like to pull almost out and then go all

the way in to the womb, you know,

, very slowly.

You just pull it down to the end and then you go all the way back in and hold it.

You know what I mean, Pa?

Where the hell is this new guy anyway?

There he is. I told you he'd make it.

Hey, George, if you're going to join the group, you've got to remember a lot.

We always come on time.

Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, fellas.

George, we don't like people breaking the rules here.

Well, everybody said I was sorry.

Look, we're going to talk or we're going to Jack off.

Okay, let's get the ball rolling.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, this is your seat, George.

Here, now, this is a new kind of machine.

It's a telepathic thought transmitter.

Whatever you think about flashes up on the screen.

Oh, sure.

Yeah, now, the rules of the game are these.

We all think about things to jerk off to, see, until somebody comes.

Then the first guy that comes has to stop anybody else from coming.

You got it?

Got it, right.

Let's give it a try.

First thing that comes to your mind, George.

What the fuck was that?

What are you trying to do, George?

What's wrong?

I told you guys not to invite any perverts.

I'm sorry, fella.

That's the first thing that came to my mind.

Hey, look here, George, this is the first

vacancy we've had here in six months, you know.

Harvey only left 'cause he pulled a muscle.

Are you sure you're all right, George?

I'm fine.

Okay, let's give it another try, huh?

How would you like a silver bullet up your ass?

Cut the horseshit, George.

See you next week, fellas.

Get the fuck out of here!

I don't even sing.

I don't want to do this in person, but I wouldn't mind doing a television version.

I'll never get this job. I have bashful nipples.

I wish one of these women would liberate my cock.

Listen, with a cock like yours, they got nothing to complain about.

Just like a cock who looks smaller.

Wait till I get a hold of the wife tonight.

You know what's a finale is all the guys standing alive, coming to the audience.

Oh, it's a lot of crap just to see everybody take their clothes off.

But I'm an actor.

There's some things I won't do.

We're going to want you to screw.

Every night.

I didn't get to show my dick.

I mean, what is the point?

I mean, what is it?

I mean, the size of my joint.

Once you've seen one.

It's an Indian show about sex.

A religious fuck show.

When I was little I wanted to be a ballerina.

But I eat corgi.

Why did I call it old Calcutta?

Then I grew up and found there was more to love.

I couldn't call it new faces.

Hey, Gary, what do you think about fucking on stage?

Oh, I can dig it.

What do you do on your day off?

From the time I was little I wanted to be a ballerina.

One great song about a hard-on.

And then I grew up and found there was more to love.

Like acting and singing and moving and being.

At last.

We use a two or a three from the ball.

We can get through this.

We can get through any of this.

♪ When I was little, I wanted to be a ballerina ♪

And I wouldn't see me more, but now I

What the fuck are they doing up there?

You paid all the money and they're having all the fucking fun.

I don't mind all the cocks and cunts, but I think the language they use is terrible.

This makes hair look like the sound of music.

If they show this thing in Washington, Agnew will shit.

Bitches. Gotta lock 'em all up.

Gee, that girl has pretty eyes.

All the men are circumcised.

It must be a Jewish show.

I wonder why none of the guys get a hard-on.

That's my boyfriend. He does have a hard-on.

The name of this thing ought to be Titty Titty Bang Bang.

Next time. You pick the restaurant. I'll pick the show.

My God. That's my daughter up there.

I wonder what the girls do when they get their period.

I'm beginning to wonder myself.

When are they going to bring on the horse?

Big deal. You've seen one, you've seen them all.

Who wrote this piece of shit anyway?

Well, I came here on a dare, but now what?

Yeah, I came here on a dare, but now what?

Well, I came here on a dare, but now what?

I never had the good thing to do, but now what?