Original subtitles

[GRO ANS]

[RO ARS]

NARRATOR: Of course, this whole fight is just busy filler...

...because our main episode came up short on footage.

Great planning around here, huh?

Joe, what are you doing?

I'm tired of having to cover for other peoples' mistakes.

You've been getting a real attitude lately.

Big deal.

You could be replaced by an intern...

...or maybe the announcer from Earthworm Jim.

- Oh? - Yeah.

So stop butting in and stick to the copy.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a villain to fight.

Cave Guy?

Oh, nut-bunnies.

Pretty clever of old Cave Guy, hiding out at a sci-fi convention.

But not clever enough.

Gotcha.

- Hey, cut it out, you jerk. - Sorry.

How would you like your costume pulled off, weirdo?

That's my real head.

Yeah? Well, don't do stuff like that anymore.

Okay.

Aha!

Freakazoid, where the heck have you been?

Get up on that panel right now.

Wait a second. No one told me anything about this.

Try reading your memos.

The fans have been tearing this place up waiting for you.

Hey, everyone. I'm Chip Clavicle from Kids' WB Promotions.

Guess what? Freakazoid is finally here.

[CLEARS THRO AT]

Uh, any questions about the Freakazoid Show? Yes?

Will Superman fight a bunch of French people this year?

Not necessarily.

I mean, I don't know. It's not my show. Yes?

If Superman fought Fred Flintstone, who would win?

I would guess Superman, unless Barney Rubble snuck up...

...and hit him with a kryptonite club or something.

Any questions about Freakazoid? Yes?

How many Freakazoid episodes will Superman be in?

I'm getting fed up with these Superman questions.

Why don't you ask Paul Dini?

Okay, that does it.

Anyone interested in Freakazoid, stay.

The rest of you, get lost.

So any questions about the show?

You're very popular in a number of state institutions.

Thanks. That's different of you to say.

[MAN FARTS]

[MAN LAUGHING]

This has been a real ego boost, but enough.

It's time to capture Cave Guy!

I think it was a big mistake to run in here.

This is frightening behavior in adults.

I hope none of them touches me.

[SPEAKING IN MADE-UP LANGUAGE]

Go away.

Oh, dear. A Klingon English dictionary.

You've made up a little language based on a TV show.

That's not right.

[SCREAMING]

Take me to jail, please. A Klingon is after me.

- Here. Be a Klingon. - Thanks, man.

Another adventure successfully wrapped up.

Maybe I'll go to La Jolla, sit in a tide pool and drink a fruit beverage.

Uh, hi, guys. What a surprise.

How come you fired us off the show?

Actually, what the Huntsman is trying to say is that he and I...

...and Fan Boy and Moron or Bo-Ron whatever...

...were simply curious as to precisely our role in the new season.

Didn't you guys get a letter from the producers?

I never got any letter. I live in the woods.

None of us saw any letter.

Please, Freakazoid, could you tell us just what exactly we'll be working on?

Dah!

I missed a spot. Darn the luck. Darn.

Well, at least they're still on the payroll.

Tell them to come quickly. There is something here.

We may have found it.

Read it.

"Beware the shadow feeder...

...he who rests within.

Break the seal that restrains him...

...and know eternal doom."

- There's no turning back now. - I disagree.

[SCREAMING]

Here we have a splendid example of Homonid-Near Man.

Oh, by golly. Can you imagine not walking upright?

All hunched over like a little bunny? Honey, I'm frightened.

Relax, peach face. People like that don't exist anymore.

If they did, the government would make them wear special pants.

Professor Beasthead, could we see the new Egyptian exhibit?

Of course, Dexter, if you don't mind being a little frightened.

[CHUCKLES]

DUNCAN: Way to go, Dinkster. Drag everybody along on your extra-credit project.

Oh, Professor Beasthead, can I be your pet too? Pick me, pick me.

Get lost, Duncan.

Ow! Dad, Duncan hit me.

Quiet, you boys, or I'll pull the car over right now.

Dad, we're not in the car.

Was...? That would be what?

Ow!

This is the mysterious tomb of the evil Ahmon Kor-Unch...

...a 3000-year-old Egyptian prince.

Ahmon Kor-Unch terrified the rulers of ancient Thebes.

His greatest power was the ability to become invisible.

Somehow he was finally captured and buried alive in this sarcophagus.

Entombed in a secret desert location.

Legend has it that as long as the seal of the mystic scarab beetle...

...remains unbroken, we are safe.

ALL: Ooooh.

But should the seal break...

...Ahmon Kor-Unch will arise...

...to take his terrible vengeance upon the world.

What's wrong with the lights, Professor Beasthead?

I'm sure it's just one of our employees microwaving popcorn...

...or a duck. I'll check.

Let's line up for a picture with the dead guy.

- Boys, settle down or I'll harpoon you, huh? - Hey.

Okay, everyone, smile and:

Did it flash? Did it flash?

No.

Oh, corn crispies.

- Here, dear, let me help. - Ow!

I'm good at this stuff.

Oh, hon, don't be a grumblegus.

Now, what's this? Well, now, here is your problem.

See, there's no film, no battery and the lens cap is still on.

Okay, twink boy, maybe it's time you got a pink belly.

Ow!

Dexter broke the tomb!

I did not, you big liar.

[CACKLING]

NARRATOR: The scary special effects aren't very scary.

Please pretend they are. Thank you.

Stay calm. Let's not lose our heads.

INVISIBO: Who dares disturb the brooding of Ahmon Kor-Unch?

It's a ghost! It's going to eat us!

[SCREAMS]

Boo.

[SCREAMING]

INVISIBO: Out of my way, beast.

[SCREAMS]

NARRATOR: We've succeeded in embarrassing the network...

...into giving us more special effects money.

Thank you for pretending. You can stop now.

- Uh-oh. INVISIBO: A new, more powerful...

...source of energy.

How refreshing.

[LAUGHING]

I yearn to rule again...

...to crush the worthless and weak.

More jam for the entire regiment.

It's sad when adults melt down.

I'd better "Freak out."

Hoo-hoo! I'm here in the show again.

Wow, a talking scepter.

INVISIBO: No, you idiot.

What manner of being are you?

I'm Freakazoid, and you my friend, are Invisibo.

- Come again? - Invisibo.

That's my little name for you...

...because you're invisible and it's my show...

...and we already got a title card made up, and the name makes me happy.

Invisibo, hm?

It has a sinister ring.

I'm starting to like it a lot.

Very well.

In return, I will destroy you quickly.

Ow! You shouldn't play with electricity, but, then, maybe your brain is invisible too.

INVISIBO: Electricity?

Yes, I must obtain more of this power.

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMS]

[GRO ANING]

Okay, Invisibo, looks like it's thumping time.

[CACKLING]

Hey, you're quick for a 3000-year-old guy.

But I'm quicker, I think.

[CACKLING]

Fine. I've lost maybe a little dignity here, but I'll get it back.

Now.

[FREAKAZOID GRO ANING]

Ow!

Had enough?

[CACKLING]

You give up yet?

Say "Uncle Jimbo's flying poodles," and I'll go easy on you.

Uncle Jimbo... Wait, I'm winning.

Farewell, you clownish being.

When I again rule all, perhaps I'll keep you about...

...as a jester or a chimp or something.

Freakazoid, I'm so glad you're here.

I'm not sure what happened, but something terrible is loose in this museum.

Not anymore.

[SCREAMING]

- That your family? - Yeah.

[SINGING] Where did he go, that Invisibo?

Now I got that song stuck in my head.

It's a catchy tune.

Hey, Cosgrove, how come you never got married?

Because I like meat too much.

You could be married and still eat a lot of meat.

I didn't know that.

Ah, this Invisibo thing is getting to me.

There's no pattern. He just zaps power at random.

If we knew where he was gonna hit next, we could trap him.

NARRATOR: I know. He's gonna hit the power station tonight.

Joe, you're the announcer.

You're not supposed to give away plot points.

Well, I hear a lot of things and I wanted to help...

...because maybe you're gonna replace me with cute girl singers.

Listen, mister, I got enough problems without you getting soft on me.

You stick to announcing and I'll stick to figuring out the story. Okay?

That night, at the power station.

FREAKAZOID: I was just about to figure it out on my own.

COSGRO VE: I know, kid.

Invisibo needs electricity.

This is the logical choice.

FREAKAZOID: I can think. I'm smart.

I mean, this is a smart thing.

With sawdust on the floor, we'll be able to track Invisibo's every move.

Clever.

You're kind of touchy tonight, kid. What's up?

[GRO ANS]

I've never had to catch an invisible guy before.

I keep wondering if I'm doing it right.

COSGRO VE: You ever see The Stockard Channing Show?

FREAKAZOID: No. - Oh.

Was there a point?

I had a sort of a moral, so you wouldn't feel so bad.

But if you never saw the show, I'm not gonna bother.

FREAKAZOID: Now I feel bad and really mixed-up.

NARRATOR: Watch out! - Thanks, Joe.

There was some talk about replacing you with cute girl singers.

But forget it. No way. You're staying. Ah!

Give me that.

Stop right there, Invisibo.

Oh, you stupid, silly piehead. I've got you trapped.

INVISIBO: I don't see any trap.

Ha! An invisible guy who can't see a trap.

How different and ironic.

It just so happens that I can follow your every move because of the sawdust.

[INVISIBO INHALES DEEPLY]

[COUGHS]

Aw, nut-bunnies.

INVISIBO: I grow weary of your buffoonery.

In minutes, I shall absorb the power here...

...and begin my absolute rule.

- Except for one thing. - What?

You know, that one important thing you forgot.

What are you talking about?

If you're gonna yell, I'm not gonna tell you.

Yes, yes.

My dream finally realized.

Enough power to make me prince of the world.

[CACKLING]

Come on, kid, there isn't much time.

Invisibo's starting to drain all the power.

I remembered the important thing you forgot.

I don't care.

You forgot that I can actually see you...

...and that you're ugly and homely and have overall bad hygiene.

Just kidding. About the "seeing you" part, that is.

[INVISIBO GRO ANING]

[FREAKAZOID HUMMING]

INVISIBO: You've given me an awful lot of trouble for a goof.

That's Mr. Goof to you, transparent boy.

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMING]

Oh, puffery.

INVISIBO: You can't do this to me. I'm a prince.

I hope cobras die in your pants. Do you hear me?

- Hey, pipe down. INVISIBO: Sorry.

You did a pretty good job on your first invisible villain.

Let's hope he's my last.

[SCREAMING]

- That your family? - Yeah.

NARRATOR: You've got some nice e-mail.

Mail? For me?

"To Freakazoid.

From Mandy Triceratops of Columbia University

My question concerns Pearl Jam.

When will they appear on your show? Sincerely, Mandy.

P.S. I am majoring in all the knowledge ever acquired throughout history."

- Those Columbia kids are pretty smart. - Oh, they sure are.

Mandy, not to rain on your girlish hopes...

...but Pearl Jam will never appear on this program, because they would want money.

But we do have some fine, young, singing interns that I think you'll enjoy.

[SINGING] Where did he go, that Invisibo?

He went off to the pokey And that's the end of our show

Ba-ba-ba-bo

You're very popular in a number of state institutions.

[MAN FARTS]

[MAN LAUGHING]

[ENGLISH SDH]