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NARRATOR:
His name was Waylon Jeepers.
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He was an odd little man,
interested in things cryptic and mystical.
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He had been forced to leave Venice Beach,
California, for being too strange.
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That should tell you something.
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For years, he'd been trying
to construct a dangerous timepiece...
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...known as the Medusa Watch:
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A watch with the power
to turn living matter into stone.
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There had been many failures.
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One watch succeeded
in transforming beavers into gold.
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But there was a limited call
for such things.
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Still, Jeepers was obsessed on harnessing
the evil energy of the ancient Gorgons.
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00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:02,176
[THUNDER CRACKING]
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[JEEPERS LAUGHING]
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And late one night, he succeeded.
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[LAUGHING]
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[GASPS]
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Now I shall test my Medusa Watch
on that chubby pigeon.
18
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Ah.
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The power of the Gorgons is finally mine.
20
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[LAUGHING]
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Uh-oh.
22
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:45,063
- Give me that thing, you nut.
- Mine. Mine. Give. Mine.
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00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:46,994
Will you stop it?
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First, it was gold beavers,
now it's stone pigeons!
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Why don't you get a regular job?
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[SOBBING]
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Return my watch,
and I'll give you a jar of nickels.
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00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:05,043
Sure. Wait, no. Forget it.
I'm keeping this until you show me...
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00:03:05,218 --> 00:03:08,745
...you're responsible enough
to have a strange and mystical watch.
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00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,549
Bye.
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Freakazoid will pay.
Oh, is he going to get it.
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I'm very passive-aggressive.
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[LAUGHING]
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NARRATOR:
And while Jeepers plotted his revenge...
35
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...Freakazoid and Cosgrove
enjoyed a quiet afternoon at Jelly Land.
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You see how they used some kind
of grape preserve to make Half Dome?
37
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- What about the waterfall?
- That's a rare kind of albino jelly.
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Wow. I'm starting to get a newfound respect
for jams and preserves of all kinds.
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00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,751
Kid, that's what Jelly Land is all about.
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Look what I got: Jeepers' new watch.
It turns pigeons into stone.
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00:03:53,266 --> 00:03:56,429
Take my advice, watch out for Jeepers.
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- Because he's into magic and stuff?
- No.
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Because he's a big nut.
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NARRATOR: Later that day,
Jeepers went to the Sorcery Barn...
45
00:04:05,778 --> 00:04:07,939
...a wholesale black-magic outlet.
46
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And there he bought a sinister book:
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How to Summon Monsters the E-Z Way.
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"And finally,
I would like to thank my wife, Judith...
49
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...and our two children, Dakota and Rubin,
whose patience and good cheer..."
50
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What a boring author's acknowledgment.
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Forces of darkness near and far
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Bring forth the unspeakable most bizarre
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[POUNDING]
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WOMAN:
Hey. Knock it off, you nut.
55
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I have my rights too.
I'm summoning a monster, you harpy.
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WOMAN:
Big deal. Like I care.
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JEEPERS:
Lousy book.
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[GASPS]
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I am Vorn the Unspeakable.
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00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:10,401
I have destroyed thousands
at the bidding of those who summon me.
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00:05:10,576 --> 00:05:15,377
- And you are...?
- I'm Jeepers. This is so dandy.
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00:05:15,548 --> 00:05:18,108
Must you do all my bidding?
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Your enemies are now mine.
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I will mash them into pulp.
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Very well, Vorn.
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00:05:27,026 --> 00:05:31,793
Let's go meet my favorite enemy,
Freakazoid.
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[LAUGHING]
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WOMAN: Who's Vorn?
Another one of your deadbeat friends?
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00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:41,268
Maybe we'll stop upstairs first.
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00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:48,207
After Jelly Land,
we went over to see the statue of Aldo Ray.
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00:05:48,381 --> 00:05:51,316
Sounds like a typical
Freak-Cosgrove kind of day.
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COSGRO VE [ON RADIO]: Hey, Freakazoid,
this is Mobile Unit 6, Cosgrove.
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How's it going?
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We got a report of some trouble
from one of Jeepers' neighbors.
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I'll meet you there in a quickly way.
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00:06:04,797 --> 00:06:08,096
It was awful, awful. Just awful!
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FREAKAZOID:
Could you be more specific?
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00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:12,734
It was like having to watch Waterworld
for a month.
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[BOTH GASP]
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00:06:14,073 --> 00:06:15,734
- Anything else?
- Ah!
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00:06:17,176 --> 00:06:18,666
That should be enough to go on.
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[JEEPERS LAUGHING]
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Ah!
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I am Vorn the Unspeakable.
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I am the enemy of the enemy
of he who summons me.
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00:06:31,524 --> 00:06:34,925
- And you are...?
- I am Freakazoid, the chatty one.
87
00:06:35,094 --> 00:06:36,857
Maybe we should get out of here.
88
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Old Squid Face doesn't scare me.
I've handled worse.
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Eek! Why did I spit on my own hands? Ew!
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Destroy him.
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00:06:51,110 --> 00:06:52,771
Way to go, Freakazoid.
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[VORN GROWLING]
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Hi there, Squid Face. Back for more?
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00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:06,822
[FREAKAZOID GRUNTING]
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00:07:09,962 --> 00:07:12,157
My watch.
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00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,237
Wait.
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00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:25,270
Don't worry, Steff.
That watch only works on pigeons.
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00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:29,210
What if it doesn't?
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Isn't this a honey of a watch?
100
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[POLICE SIREN WAILING]
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Let's go, Vorn, my new chum.
102
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Steff.
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00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,529
[SOBBING]
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00:07:52,338 --> 00:07:56,297
Kid, I know words don't mean much
at a time like this...
105
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:59,968
...but you could sell Steff to
the park district and make a lot of money.
106
00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:05,045
Sorry, pal. That came out all wrong.
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00:08:26,372 --> 00:08:30,706
Change. Change back.
Stop being a statue.
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[LAUGHING]
109
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:43,212
- Nut bunnies. Nothing works.
- Tough break.
110
00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:46,051
Have you tried
sprinkling her with fairy dust?
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00:08:46,225 --> 00:08:48,455
- What would that do?
- I'm not sure.
112
00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:53,531
- How come you never say anything helpful?
- How come you have the IQ of a biscuit?
113
00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:58,830
How would you like me to twist your body
into funny balloon-animal shapes?
114
00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:00,563
Perhaps I misspoke.
115
00:09:03,309 --> 00:09:07,439
Wait. I think I know who can help.
Good for me.
116
00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:15,513
Cosgrove, do you see any monsters?
117
00:09:15,688 --> 00:09:18,555
- Yeah. There's one.
- Ah!
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00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:21,420
- Where? Where?
- Just kidding.
119
00:09:21,594 --> 00:09:24,085
I loathe you.
120
00:09:25,431 --> 00:09:28,594
What you have told me is horrible.
121
00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:30,565
I have not seen you this upset...
122
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:33,762
...since they closed the boat rides
at Disneyland.
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00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:39,242
- Why? Oh, why?
- Courage, my friend. Ja?
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00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:40,709
Ja.
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00:09:43,382 --> 00:09:48,581
HEINEY: This is the only known
photograph of Vorn the Unspeakable.
126
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:55,216
He was arrested in Miami in 1989
for attempting to eat a police officer.
127
00:09:55,394 --> 00:09:57,487
I don't care about him.
I wanna nail Jeepers.
128
00:09:57,663 --> 00:09:59,130
I want Steff back to normal.
129
00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:03,792
I have computed
that there is a high probability...
130
00:10:03,970 --> 00:10:07,303
...that Vorn and Jeepers are still together.
131
00:10:07,473 --> 00:10:10,306
And since we know very little
about Jeepers...
132
00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:13,309
...we must first locate Vorn.
133
00:10:13,479 --> 00:10:15,674
- There's another one.
- Ah!
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00:10:15,848 --> 00:10:17,179
Where?
135
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,750
Will you stop it?
136
00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:23,082
Four-thousand, five-hundred
and eighty-one known accomplices?
137
00:10:23,255 --> 00:10:26,918
That's a lot.
And they're all spooky monsters. Eck!
138
00:10:27,093 --> 00:10:30,062
Well, Vorn is more comfortable
around monsters.
139
00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:33,426
- But you will find him in no time.
- But what about Steff?
140
00:10:33,599 --> 00:10:37,228
Jeepers has bewitched her
with a Medusa Watch.
141
00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:40,566
You must get ahold of his watch,
open the back...
142
00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:45,939
...switch the dial to "return,"
and Steff will be as good as new.
143
00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:47,170
How do you know that?
144
00:10:47,346 --> 00:10:50,679
I had one when I was a kid.
It's a long story.
145
00:10:50,850 --> 00:10:53,114
NARRATOR: So Freakazoid set off
to interview monsters...
146
00:10:53,285 --> 00:10:56,345
...hoping for a lead that would take him
to Vorn the Unspeakable...
147
00:10:56,522 --> 00:11:00,117
...who'd bring him to Jeepers, who had
a watch that turned Steff into stone...
148
00:11:00,292 --> 00:11:03,056
...and they all lived together in the
house that Jack built. Blah, blah, blah.
149
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:06,062
- What's the next place?
- I can't pronounce it.
150
00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:09,998
- Well, what country is it in?
- "Rumania."
151
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:11,898
Rumania.
152
00:11:12,071 --> 00:11:15,370
And we are going to Transylvania.
153
00:11:15,541 --> 00:11:19,136
- I'm literate. I should be sitting up there.
- You can't.
154
00:11:19,311 --> 00:11:22,872
It's my job to read all the names.
155
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[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
156
00:11:33,125 --> 00:11:37,585
MAN: Cops. I should have known.
You can never leave a guy alone.
157
00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:41,358
Nice castle of the undead you got here.
Mind if we come in?
158
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:45,533
- What do you want?
- You know this guy?
159
00:11:46,739 --> 00:11:50,106
Sure. Vorn the Unspeakable. Nice guy.
160
00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:54,940
A little insecure. I haven't seen him around.
Is that what you want to know?
161
00:11:55,114 --> 00:11:56,308
We ask the questions here.
162
00:11:56,482 --> 00:11:58,245
- You seen him around?
- No.
163
00:11:58,417 --> 00:12:02,615
- You seen him around?
- No. Stop bugging me.
164
00:12:02,788 --> 00:12:05,382
I thought that went pretty smooth.
165
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,551
[WOLVES HOWLING]
166
00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:16,463
Oh, dear. This is so dreadful.
Some horrid beast will surely get me.
167
00:12:16,635 --> 00:12:18,569
This is all your fault, young lady.
168
00:12:18,871 --> 00:12:20,168
WOLFMAN:
Uh-uh.
169
00:12:20,639 --> 00:12:22,698
Thanks anyway.
170
00:12:23,008 --> 00:12:24,805
Oh, could you do me a favor?
171
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:26,400
Hm?
172
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:29,104
Go up to that car and tap on the glass.
173
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:35,880
[TAPPING ON GLASS]
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00:12:36,055 --> 00:12:37,317
JONES:
Ah!
175
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:40,186
I'll get you for this, Cosgrove.
176
00:12:46,132 --> 00:12:47,224
[SNEEZES]
177
00:12:47,399 --> 00:12:48,889
Great.
178
00:12:50,402 --> 00:12:53,997
FREAKAZOID:
Bye-bye. Thanks for nothing.
179
00:12:54,907 --> 00:12:57,239
All this travel is making me urpy.
180
00:12:57,409 --> 00:13:00,037
We've been at this forever.
It will never end.
181
00:13:00,212 --> 00:13:03,739
We're lost in spa... Never mind.
182
00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:06,885
Steff, I'm real sorry
you got turned into a statue.
183
00:13:07,052 --> 00:13:08,314
I was a dumb-head.
184
00:13:11,090 --> 00:13:14,582
But I'll make it up to you.
One day, we'll go to Jelly Land together.
185
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:15,920
That's a promise.
186
00:13:16,095 --> 00:13:19,656
Hey, kid, I'm sorry to bother you,
but I got a question.
187
00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:23,666
It's time for me to take charge.
Be right over there to you!
188
00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:27,503
Ask away. I'm ready as a large goose.
189
00:13:27,673 --> 00:13:30,164
What if Jeepers and Vorn have split up?
190
00:13:30,342 --> 00:13:32,173
What did you say, again?
191
00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:38,981
Let's concentrate on finding Jeepers
like we should've been doing all along.
192
00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:43,315
- Yeah. Let's check all his hangouts.
- That's just it.
193
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:48,017
We don't know anything about Jeepers,
except he's from Venice Beach, California.
194
00:13:48,194 --> 00:13:50,526
Ooh! Could it be that simple?
195
00:13:50,696 --> 00:13:53,529
Have we overlooked the obvious?
Probably.
196
00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:00,701
[GRUNTING]
197
00:14:03,042 --> 00:14:06,910
A couple of weirdos like Jeepers and Vorn
should be pretty easy to spot around here.
198
00:14:07,079 --> 00:14:09,741
I don't think so.
199
00:14:14,553 --> 00:14:15,542
[BURPS]
200
00:14:15,721 --> 00:14:18,656
Good point. Am I overdressed?
201
00:14:23,896 --> 00:14:25,454
[JEEPERS LAUGHING]
202
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,974
JONES:
Freakazoid, Cosgrove, wait.
203
00:14:39,678 --> 00:14:42,545
Oh, Fibber McGee.
204
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:45,616
Why do I have to push Steff around?
205
00:14:45,784 --> 00:14:48,912
Me with my back so delicate.
206
00:14:50,122 --> 00:14:51,817
Wow, man. Cool.
207
00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:54,926
Ah! A cannibal.
208
00:14:55,427 --> 00:15:00,421
Chill, man. Did you sculpt this yourself?
The detail is, like, awesome.
209
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,395
Yes. I'd hate to sell her...
210
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:06,868
...but, you see,
I've suffered unexpected reverses...
211
00:15:07,039 --> 00:15:10,634
...and I'm willing to entertain
all reasonable offers.
212
00:15:10,809 --> 00:15:13,835
Buy me an espresso.
Do you have any cash on you?
213
00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:17,139
[SINGING]
Hey, man
214
00:15:17,316 --> 00:15:18,374
Oh, man
215
00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:19,744
Hey, man
216
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,079
Hey, man
217
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:22,379
Oh, man
218
00:15:22,554 --> 00:15:23,646
Hey, man
219
00:15:23,822 --> 00:15:25,084
I hate you all
220
00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:26,451
Give me money
221
00:15:26,625 --> 00:15:27,717
Hey, man
222
00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:29,724
Oh, man
223
00:15:32,264 --> 00:15:33,492
CROWD:
Yay.
224
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:43,541
Hey, good-Iooking. Spare change?
225
00:15:43,709 --> 00:15:45,574
VORN:
Thank you.
226
00:15:46,378 --> 00:15:47,777
Ah!
227
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,614
[LAUGHING]
228
00:15:52,818 --> 00:15:57,380
NARRATOR: Oh, no, a trap. A terrible trap.
What will happen next? Ah!
229
00:15:57,556 --> 00:16:00,150
Is there no escape? Can they ever...? Ahem.
230
00:16:00,326 --> 00:16:01,384
Sorry.
231
00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:05,554
Now I will make you both into statues...
232
00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:08,791
...and put you near a car wash.
233
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,367
[LAUGHING]
234
00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:13,365
Wait a second. So Vorn gets stiffed?
235
00:16:13,739 --> 00:16:14,763
VORN:
How so?
236
00:16:14,940 --> 00:16:18,432
Jeepers won't let you destroy us.
Sounds like he doesn't trust you, pal.
237
00:16:18,610 --> 00:16:21,101
Freakazoid, why don't you just butt out?
238
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:24,044
VORN:
Why don't you trust me, Jeepers?
239
00:16:24,416 --> 00:16:26,043
[SNARLING]
240
00:16:27,219 --> 00:16:30,552
- Thanks a lot, you bigmouth.
- Fair's fair, Jeepers.
241
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:34,687
Vorn, I respect your work very much.
242
00:16:34,860 --> 00:16:37,693
But let's do this my way, okay?
243
00:16:37,863 --> 00:16:39,626
VORN:
I want to eat them.
244
00:16:39,798 --> 00:16:43,734
- No.
- What if I eat you?
245
00:16:43,902 --> 00:16:46,564
I would resent that.
246
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:51,733
Here. What if you eat one,
and I'll turn the other into a statue?
247
00:16:52,077 --> 00:16:54,409
VORN:
Oh, I don't know.
248
00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:55,808
Okay, I guess.
249
00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:57,573
- You sure?
- Yeah.
250
00:16:57,983 --> 00:17:02,477
Having a monster
isn't what it's cracked up to be.
251
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:05,246
[SNARLING]
252
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,451
Ah!
253
00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:12,861
[JEEPERS MUMBLING]
254
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:16,126
- Hey, you.
- I am Vorn the Unspeakable.
255
00:17:16,301 --> 00:17:21,830
The skulls of those who defy me
bleach in the suns of a hundred worlds.
256
00:17:22,007 --> 00:17:24,305
- And you are...?
- Cosgrove.
257
00:17:24,476 --> 00:17:28,469
- And if you move, I'll pop you in the lip.
- Oh?
258
00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:33,244
BOD YBUILDER:
Ah!
259
00:17:33,685 --> 00:17:36,119
[VORN GROWLING]
260
00:17:36,321 --> 00:17:37,549
Ah!
261
00:17:38,190 --> 00:17:39,487
[GRUNTING]
262
00:17:40,926 --> 00:17:42,655
[VORN SCREAMING]
263
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:47,863
Fine. I'll take care of you,
Mr. Police Sergeant.
264
00:17:53,605 --> 00:17:55,732
Mine. Mine. Give. Mine.
265
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:57,170
Cosgrove.
266
00:17:57,342 --> 00:17:58,639
[POUNDING & GRUNTING]
267
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:03,111
You kids might wanna go grab some milk
or an orange right now.
268
00:18:03,282 --> 00:18:04,840
FREAKAZOID:
All done.
269
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:07,679
Take care of these guys.
I gotta go find Jonesy and Steff.
270
00:18:07,853 --> 00:18:09,548
Good luck, kid.
271
00:18:09,721 --> 00:18:12,212
JONES: You won't throw in
matching beach pants?
272
00:18:12,391 --> 00:18:15,918
What rubbish.
I'm taking my business elsewhere.
273
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,119
Ah!
274
00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:20,322
- You startled me.
- Jonesy, where's Steff?
275
00:18:20,499 --> 00:18:24,492
Isn't she with you?
After all, she's your girlfriend.
276
00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:27,730
You have a nanosecond to tell me.
Oops. Time's up.
277
00:18:27,906 --> 00:18:29,965
There's no sense dithering.
278
00:18:30,142 --> 00:18:31,234
I sold her.
279
00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:35,043
Let go! Oh, this is most undignified.
280
00:18:35,214 --> 00:18:39,378
I'm sorry. There. There. Are you happy?
281
00:18:48,093 --> 00:18:49,390
FREAKAZOID:
I hope this works.
282
00:18:49,561 --> 00:18:52,724
Otherwise, I'm gonna throw
a big, hissy tantrum all over the beach.
283
00:18:52,898 --> 00:18:54,058
Steady, kid.
284
00:18:57,936 --> 00:19:00,905
- I've set the Medusa Watch to "return."
- Check.
285
00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:04,065
You tugged on my ear.
286
00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:06,735
Here goes.
287
00:19:10,349 --> 00:19:12,374
[MO ANING]
288
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:17,012
- Freakazoid?
- Steff!
289
00:19:22,694 --> 00:19:23,991
Aw.
290
00:19:26,431 --> 00:19:27,659
I'm sorry, Steff.
291
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:30,529
I'll never let anyone
with a strange and mystical watch...
292
00:19:30,702 --> 00:19:32,294
...turn you into a statue again.
293
00:19:32,704 --> 00:19:36,299
You're so sweet.
Is this Venice Beach, California?
294
00:19:36,475 --> 00:19:38,966
We should buy sunglasses.
295
00:19:40,812 --> 00:19:45,875
NARRATOR: And so Freakazoid and his
friends shopped for neat sunglasses.
296
00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:51,712
In time, Jeepers and Vorn
tried to start their own mob.
297
00:19:52,324 --> 00:19:55,452
VORN:
And laying waste to their lands.
298
00:19:55,627 --> 00:19:57,720
- And you are...?
- Ah!
299
00:19:57,896 --> 00:20:02,060
How are we supposed to recruit a mob
when you scare everyone off?
300
00:20:02,234 --> 00:20:04,998
You're the one who scares them off
with your loony giggling.
301
00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:09,300
At least I don't have an octopus
growing out of my face.
302
00:20:09,474 --> 00:20:13,467
At least I don't build
stupid magic watches.
303
00:20:13,845 --> 00:20:18,748
- Now you've wounded me.
- I'm sorry.
304
00:20:18,917 --> 00:20:21,351
NARRATOR: As for Jeepers' strange
and mystical watch...
305
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:23,988
...I know where it is, but I'm not telling.
306
00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:28,120
That's our show.
We leave you with an image of terror.
307
00:21:05,497 --> 00:21:07,488
[ENGLISH SDH]
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