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1
00:01:11,938 --> 00:01:13,838
Ladies and gentlemen, the president...
2
00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:16,874
...of the Motion Picture Association
of America...
3
00:01:17,043 --> 00:01:19,705
...Mr. Jack valenti.
4
00:01:19,946 --> 00:01:24,178
Hello, I'm Jack Valenti,
and these are my cheeks.
5
00:01:24,350 --> 00:01:27,808
You know, we get a lot of letters here at
the Motion Picture Association of America.
6
00:01:27,987 --> 00:01:30,251
And most of them are about my cheeks.
7
00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:35,488
Still, there have been a few letters
asking us all about Freakazoid.
8
00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:40,395
Letters like this one
from Miss Ida Lupins of Santa Susana City.
9
00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:44,469
And she writes,
"Dear Mr. Valenti, I like your cheeks.
10
00:01:47,073 --> 00:01:51,237
I'd like to know how Freakazoid
got his start as a superhero.
11
00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:54,141
What were the special circumstances?
12
00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:56,714
My home is made of adobe. "
13
00:01:56,883 --> 00:01:59,283
Well, Miss Lupins, you're in luck.
14
00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:03,411
As it just so happens, we've produced
a special little motion picture...
15
00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:07,993
...about Freakazoid's origins
that's filled with action and adventure...
16
00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:12,461
...and even features a scene
with a man wrestling a bear for no reason.
17
00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:17,365
So sit back, relax
and enjoy Freakazoid's origins.
18
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:19,829
And now...
19
00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:25,978
Our feature presentation.
20
00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:41,291
Ach, crud!
21
00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:44,288
- Crud.
- Are you sure about this?
22
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:46,329
Aye, sure as a snail hates salt.
23
00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:48,660
There's no doubt whatsoever in my brain.
24
00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:52,498
Gentlemen, the Pinnacle chip is flawed.
25
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,601
Oh, no.
26
00:02:54,774 --> 00:02:58,175
Uh, how exactly is this,
uh, flaw manifested?
27
00:02:58,344 --> 00:03:01,871
Well, first, a computer user would have
to be connected to the Internet.
28
00:03:02,048 --> 00:03:06,212
Then, they'd have to press an exact
sequence of keys followed by Delete.
29
00:03:06,386 --> 00:03:10,152
I've calculated the odds
of this happening at 450 million-to-1.
30
00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:13,952
Four hundred and fifty million-to-one?
What are we worried about?
31
00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:16,995
That's not gonna happen. Come on.
32
00:03:17,163 --> 00:03:18,994
Cut the crud!
33
00:03:19,165 --> 00:03:21,793
I wouldn't have such happy slacks
if I were you.
34
00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:25,734
Because if someone did manage
to activate the flaw, a pox on them.
35
00:03:25,905 --> 00:03:27,930
The Pinnacle chip would overload...
36
00:03:28,107 --> 00:03:31,008
...causing a concentrated beam of energy
to zap the user.
37
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:35,006
It would fill his or her brain
with all the information on the Internet.
38
00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:40,016
It would give them superhuman strength,
enabling them to do just about anything.
39
00:03:40,186 --> 00:03:42,620
But they'd be very silly.
Extremely perturbed.
40
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:45,349
They'd be a freakazoid.
41
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:48,283
A freakazoid? What's that?
42
00:03:48,461 --> 00:03:52,192
It's just what it sounds like,
Mr. Fancy-Man-Sitting-In-Your-Chair.
43
00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:55,126
Oh, perhaps we should recall the chip.
44
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:02,898
Gentlemen, it's Christmas Eve.
45
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:06,910
Our company, Apex,
has sold over 60 million chips.
46
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,446
Sixty million.
47
00:04:09,616 --> 00:04:14,383
Tomorrow, people all over the world
will be having cookies and fudges...
48
00:04:14,554 --> 00:04:18,547
...and opening little presents
with Pinnacle chips inside.
49
00:04:18,725 --> 00:04:23,628
A recall at this late stage would adversely
impact our end-of-the-year earnings...
50
00:04:23,796 --> 00:04:28,893
...as well as your Christmas bonuses,
which I hold here in my hand.
51
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:34,202
Oh, heck, what's one little flaw.
52
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:44,273
Tell me, my dear good friend,
Roddy MacStew.
53
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:47,886
Does anyone else know about this flaw?
54
00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:50,147
Nay, not yet.
55
00:04:53,493 --> 00:04:55,825
Now, how did that happen?
56
00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:03,565
Laugh with me.
57
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,834
Crud.
58
00:05:19,719 --> 00:05:22,279
A new weight set. Cool.
59
00:05:22,455 --> 00:05:24,650
We almost got you a rock tumbler.
60
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:28,692
But then we thought, no,
Duncan just loves to lift things.
61
00:05:29,195 --> 00:05:31,527
Maybe you can give your old set
to your brother.
62
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:33,893
Yeah, I'm so sure.
63
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,592
What's that supposed to mean?
64
00:05:36,769 --> 00:05:38,430
Ow!
65
00:05:40,206 --> 00:05:41,833
Worms and weasels, Dexter.
66
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,305
What have we said about going:
67
00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:47,202
...to your brother?
- Ah, yes, sir.
68
00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:51,146
Okay, now, Dexter's turn, Dexter's turn.
69
00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:54,679
Mr. Chubbikins, stop it.
70
00:05:58,791 --> 00:06:02,989
Wow, a Pinnacle chip.
71
00:06:03,996 --> 00:06:05,896
Bum-bum-bum
72
00:06:07,166 --> 00:06:08,724
Oh, this is great.
73
00:06:08,901 --> 00:06:11,529
It's gonna make my computer
twice as fast.
74
00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:13,899
It'll allow for
true dedicated multitasking...
75
00:06:14,073 --> 00:06:17,008
...and at 300 megahertz
and 16 megs of RAM, I can...
76
00:06:17,176 --> 00:06:18,336
Dexter, honey, honey.
77
00:06:18,511 --> 00:06:21,776
- You're boring us again, sweetie.
- Oh, sorry.
78
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:23,381
Can I go put it in?
79
00:06:23,916 --> 00:06:26,817
Okay, hon, but only in your computer.
80
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:45,329
Internet, here we come.
81
00:06:47,206 --> 00:06:48,230
We're in.
82
00:06:51,544 --> 00:06:54,069
Oh, shoot. Where's my codebook?
83
00:07:01,954 --> 00:07:05,117
A user would have to be
connected to the Internet.
84
00:07:05,291 --> 00:07:11,093
Then they'd have to press an exact
sequence of keys followed by Delete.
85
00:07:13,065 --> 00:07:14,692
Got it.
86
00:07:21,207 --> 00:07:22,868
What's this junk?
87
00:07:23,910 --> 00:07:27,471
Followed by Delete.
88
00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:31,276
We interrupt this program
to increase dramatic tension.
89
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:34,318
Thank you.
And now back to our program.
90
00:07:37,223 --> 00:07:39,418
Wow.
91
00:08:48,794 --> 00:08:52,195
Hi, I'm Freakazoid.
Now, these messages.
92
00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:10,742
Find him.
93
00:09:10,917 --> 00:09:12,407
Lickety-split.
94
00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:22,054
This just in to the WB news desk.
95
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:27,996
A major disruption of the Internet
has been confirmed by sources worldwide.
96
00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:30,328
Ach, crud. I knew it.
97
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,782
Kitty, kitty, kitty.
98
00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:00,031
I sure could go for a snow cone.
99
00:10:02,234 --> 00:10:03,531
Huh?
100
00:10:07,506 --> 00:10:08,939
What's happening to me?
101
00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:10,200
Hey, Dexter.
102
00:10:11,711 --> 00:10:13,645
Yoo-hoo, down here.
103
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:15,508
Surprise!
104
00:10:16,882 --> 00:10:17,906
Ew, ew, ew!
105
00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:19,346
Now, unzip your head.
106
00:10:19,518 --> 00:10:20,542
Huh?
107
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,847
Unzip your head. You know, like this.
108
00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:26,248
Pretty gross, huh, kids?
109
00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:28,985
Don't do that.
110
00:10:29,161 --> 00:10:31,061
Don't do what?
111
00:10:31,764 --> 00:10:33,527
Stop unzipping my head. No, no, no.
112
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:38,495
Dexter, open the door, you little dip.
I gotta make tinky.
113
00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:41,600
Well, hi, sport. You must be Duncan.
114
00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:43,867
Good to meet you. Let's wrestle.
115
00:10:46,746 --> 00:10:49,146
Stop, stop it.
116
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:50,407
Oh, golly.
117
00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:53,916
Do you know how long it's been
since I've heard the boys roughhouse?
118
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,055
- Say uncle.
- Uncle.
119
00:10:58,224 --> 00:11:01,489
Say "Grandma Moses makes munchy meat
most Monday mornings. "
120
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,856
Grandma Moses makes munch... Munch...
121
00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:05,520
I can't.
122
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:08,590
Wait. Shh.
123
00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:10,861
What is that noise?
124
00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:12,595
I'll be right back.
125
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:36,057
Would you please stop
that infernal raking?
126
00:11:36,228 --> 00:11:39,823
It's driving me crazy. Sheesh.
127
00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,365
- Aah!
- Where were we? Oh, yeah.
128
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,598
- Say it.
- Ow!
129
00:11:48,774 --> 00:11:50,765
Grandma Moses makes munchy mee...
130
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:52,935
Now might be a good time to tell you...
131
00:11:53,112 --> 00:11:57,549
...all about the Motion Picture Association
of America's fascinating rating system.
132
00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:02,177
Now, if a family wants to see a movie,
and it's rated G, then everyone can go.
133
00:12:02,354 --> 00:12:05,983
Mom and Dad and Buffy and Jody
and Grandma and Grandpa...
134
00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:08,217
...and even Sergeant Scruffy.
135
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:11,386
If it's PG,
then there might be something unsuitable...
136
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,156
...for young or sensitive viewers.
137
00:12:13,332 --> 00:12:16,062
In which case,
Buffy would just have to stay home...
138
00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:20,035
...along with Grandma who didn't
wanna go to the movies anyway.
139
00:12:20,206 --> 00:12:22,572
Now, if the movie's rated PG-13, then...
140
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:25,677
Jack, we're ready for the next scene.
You're gonna have to wait.
141
00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:27,870
No, no, please, I beg you. Let me finish.
142
00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:29,776
This is very, very important.
143
00:12:29,949 --> 00:12:31,177
- Later.
- But...
144
00:12:31,350 --> 00:12:32,977
Later.
145
00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:36,986
- Oh, shoot.
- And now the next scene.
146
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:52,435
Stop! Ow, oh, oh!
- Bingo.
147
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:57,703
Look, one hand.
148
00:12:58,277 --> 00:12:59,642
No hands.
149
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,818
A little too rough, kids, huh?
150
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,145
Yoo-hoo.
151
00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:13,984
- Are we done?
- Aah.
152
00:13:19,064 --> 00:13:23,125
There is a blue guy chasing me. Unh!
153
00:13:28,174 --> 00:13:30,506
Well, Merry Christmas, stranger.
154
00:13:30,676 --> 00:13:33,304
Aye, thank you, ma'am. And you.
155
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:37,848
Perchance is there a computer user
living about this abode?
156
00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:39,075
Oh, you mean Dexter?
157
00:13:39,251 --> 00:13:41,378
Aye, that's it. Dexter.
158
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:42,578
Is he available?
159
00:13:42,755 --> 00:13:44,689
And you are?
160
00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:47,485
Oh, I'm his, um...
161
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,727
What should I say? I can't think.
162
00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:52,591
She'll never buy it. Crud! Crud!
163
00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:54,431
I'm his insurance agent.
164
00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:56,695
Well, he's only 17.
165
00:13:56,869 --> 00:13:58,700
Crud, I blew it, I blew it.
166
00:13:58,871 --> 00:14:01,897
Oh, no. I meant I'm his, uh,
his, uh, driving instructor.
167
00:14:02,074 --> 00:14:03,541
It's time for his lesson.
168
00:14:03,709 --> 00:14:05,040
On Christmas day?
169
00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:06,769
He's a very bad driver.
170
00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:12,948
Dexter,
your driving instructor's here, hon.
171
00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:18,713
They've been roughhousing.
172
00:14:18,891 --> 00:14:22,190
Dexter, get down here this instant.
173
00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:24,591
Maybe I should just go up
and see him alone.
174
00:14:24,763 --> 00:14:29,257
I have, uh, private driving matters
to discuss.
175
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:33,069
Okay, then. First door on the left.
176
00:14:39,311 --> 00:14:43,270
Now, if the movie's rated PG-13,
it might have some material in there...
177
00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:47,442
...that Mommy and Daddy might not like,
uh, some of the young kids to see.
178
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:51,112
So Jody might just have to stay home.
Bye-bye, Jody.
179
00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:56,159
Now, if the movie's rated R,
then it's gonna contain some adult material.
180
00:14:56,328 --> 00:14:59,229
In which case, uh, Dad,
who's got a lazy tummy...
181
00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:00,956
...will probably wanna stay home.
182
00:15:01,133 --> 00:15:05,433
But if the movie's rated NC-17,
that means that kids can't get in.
183
00:15:05,604 --> 00:15:07,435
Only adults can get in.
184
00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:10,234
Mom doesn't wanna see adult movies.
185
00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:13,378
But Grandpa was in the Army
and he's not bothered very much.
186
00:15:13,545 --> 00:15:17,345
And so he decides to stay
along with Sergeant Scruffy...
187
00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:19,677
...who's just a dumb dog anyway.
188
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:21,347
I hope that explains it.
189
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:23,010
Now back to the cartoon.
190
00:15:24,556 --> 00:15:26,524
- Hello?
Hello?
191
00:15:28,193 --> 00:15:31,458
- Hello?
Hello?
192
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:35,228
- Hello.
Hello.
193
00:15:35,401 --> 00:15:37,198
Can we move on to a new word now?
194
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:38,794
Ach! Oh!
195
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:44,032
I've seen many a strange thing
in this world...
196
00:15:44,209 --> 00:15:48,009
...including a man who got hit in the belly
with a cannonball.
197
00:15:57,489 --> 00:16:01,255
But I've never seen anything
quite as bizarre as you.
198
00:16:01,427 --> 00:16:03,827
That's pretty odd
coming from a guy wearing a dress.
199
00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:11,496
Who are you? What's happening?
200
00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:13,535
The name's Roddy. Roddy MacStew.
201
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:16,698
I'm here to help you.
You've been given amazing powers, lad.
202
00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:18,570
- Me?
- Aye.
203
00:16:18,744 --> 00:16:21,212
But you're gonna need help
getting them under control.
204
00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:24,577
Right now, you're highly unstable.
205
00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:30,320
What do you mean unstable?
206
00:16:30,889 --> 00:16:32,823
All right, MacStew. Hold it right there.
207
00:16:35,761 --> 00:16:38,559
Mr. Guitierrez would like
to have a word with you.
208
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:40,323
Let's go. The kid too.
209
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:43,225
- Get them, lad.
- Huh?
210
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:48,329
Don't come any closer, gents,
or this lad will tear you limb from limb.
211
00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:51,576
- Do it, lad.
- Do what?
212
00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:54,645
- Change into the freak and clobber them.
- Me?
213
00:16:54,813 --> 00:16:58,214
- MacStew, let's go.
- Fellas, I'm warning you.
214
00:16:58,384 --> 00:17:01,114
Take another step forward
and the boy will turn you into haggis.
215
00:17:01,286 --> 00:17:02,412
He's wild with rage.
216
00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:04,112
Dexter, now's the time, lad.
217
00:17:04,289 --> 00:17:07,349
These men aren't here
to take us for a joyride. Now, do it.
218
00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:09,460
- Change.
- I can't.
219
00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:12,597
Then we are in deep crud.
220
00:17:22,341 --> 00:17:24,832
You'll never get away with it, Guitierrez.
221
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:27,672
Get away with what?
I haven't said anything yet.
222
00:17:27,846 --> 00:17:30,440
You're right.
Sorry, I jumped the gun, my fault.
223
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:33,449
I plan on eliminating both of you.
224
00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:35,780
You'll never get away with it, Guitierrez.
225
00:17:35,954 --> 00:17:39,617
Of course,
I could be persuaded to change my mind...
226
00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:42,022
...in exchange for some, um...
227
00:17:42,194 --> 00:17:44,025
...information.
228
00:17:44,196 --> 00:17:45,788
My name's Dexter Douglas.
229
00:17:45,964 --> 00:17:48,865
I live at 564 Funiculi Funicula Avenue.
230
00:17:49,034 --> 00:17:51,298
My Social Security number is sev...
231
00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:53,301
Not that information.
232
00:17:53,472 --> 00:17:54,700
Well, what, then?
233
00:17:54,873 --> 00:17:59,367
What sequence of keys
activates the flaw?
234
00:17:59,545 --> 00:18:00,637
Why?
235
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:04,544
Power, my dear good friend,
Roddy MacStew.
236
00:18:04,716 --> 00:18:06,206
Ultimate power.
237
00:18:06,385 --> 00:18:10,981
I shall transform myself into a superhuman,
capable of doing anything.
238
00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:13,989
Yes, won't that be neat-o?
239
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:17,561
How is the flaw activated?
240
00:18:17,729 --> 00:18:19,890
Nay, I won't tell you.
241
00:18:20,065 --> 00:18:22,397
But you will, won't you?
242
00:18:22,568 --> 00:18:25,503
I can't. I don't know, it was a mistake.
243
00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:27,229
The cat did it by accident.
244
00:18:31,577 --> 00:18:33,340
Well?
245
00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:37,011
What does that mean, meow?
246
00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:39,082
Bring the animal psychologist in.
247
00:18:47,426 --> 00:18:50,725
Ask the kitty how he activated the flaw.
248
00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:01,534
He says he's very sad.
249
00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:04,432
Oh, go away.
250
00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:09,445
Perhaps you two
are not properly motivated.
251
00:19:09,615 --> 00:19:11,207
Let's see now.
252
00:19:13,118 --> 00:19:18,215
What if I put ooey-gooey worms
in your ears?
253
00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:23,423
They wrap around your brain
and make you all crazy.
254
00:19:23,595 --> 00:19:28,055
But no, I believe I have something
much more persuasive.
255
00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:38,305
Mom? Dad? Duncan?
256
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,036
Dexter? Is that you?
257
00:19:41,213 --> 00:19:43,306
How bad a driver are you, hon?
258
00:19:43,482 --> 00:19:45,143
You're gonna get it, Dexter.
259
00:19:45,317 --> 00:19:48,650
Cooperate with me
and no harm will come to them.
260
00:19:48,820 --> 00:19:54,156
But refuse me and I'll show them this:
261
00:19:54,326 --> 00:19:57,159
The Best of Marty Ingles.
262
00:19:57,663 --> 00:20:00,496
What kind of sadistic creature are you?
263
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,500
Well?
264
00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:05,163
I don't know. I don't know.
265
00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:14,006
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Marty Ingles.
266
00:20:14,179 --> 00:20:15,373
Hi, folks.
267
00:20:18,350 --> 00:20:21,444
All right, all right, I'll tell you.
Just stop torturing them.
268
00:20:34,633 --> 00:20:35,691
Thank you.
269
00:20:35,867 --> 00:20:38,358
Eliminate them and the family.
270
00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:49,881
Next time on Freakazoid:
271
00:20:50,048 --> 00:20:54,644
Revenge is a dish best served
with pinto beans and muffins.
272
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:57,345
You've got to change into the freak
or we're all doomed.
273
00:20:57,522 --> 00:20:59,490
I'm freaking out.
274
00:21:03,161 --> 00:21:05,994
We got to find Guitierrez
and stop him from activating the flaw.
275
00:21:06,164 --> 00:21:07,654
Hey, Guitierrez.
276
00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:09,061
Come on, come on.
277
00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:15,001
Soon the world will be mine
for the pickings.
278
00:21:15,574 --> 00:21:17,735
On the next Freakazoid.
279
00:21:44,202 --> 00:21:45,794
On paper, it was funny.
21135
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