All language subtitles for 08 After the Rescue.en

This is home.
I'm a complete lunatic.

Yeah!

This is the last guy standing.

Let's see who can come out
here and survive or suffer,

depending on your point
of view, the longest.

I guess this is it.

Game's on.

It was just the feeling
of complete vulnerability.

Truly the
scariest night of my life.

-Hey, bear.
-I'm done, dude.

Come get me.

I will not spend
another night in there.

Makes you really
question what--

what the I was thinking.

I just wanted to do better.

I just want something edible.

It's all about having
food production out here.

I'm not very
well nourished right now.

Bone dead cold.

Just trying to get
through the night right now.

This place has just
driven me into the ground.

There's just no end in sight.

♪ ♪

I'm disappointed,
but I'm not embarrassed.

I was worried about my safety.

What if something happens?

I want my son to have his dad.

My little girl needs her dad.

Of course, my wife's pregnant.

So I'm going home.

I mean, you know,
you feel like a complete failure,

but it's not worth the risk
to me to get hurt.

I got too many people
that count on me.

I hate that it was so fast,

but there's nothing
I can do about that.

It is what it is at this point.

But I'm big enough to admit
that I was scared less,

and that's
why I've got to leave.

I was glad I wasn't first.

You owe me one.

I was--

I don't know about you, but,
like, when they dropped me off

and they left, I was trying
to assess how I felt.

And immediately, as soon
as I got out there, like--

I can't--I don't even know
how to describe it.

Like, I kind of felt like...

the fight was
already taken out of me

because I felt completely
out of my element.

There are multiple bears
down here.

Up here a little ways,

I found some other tracks.

They didn't really--

they really
didn't look like bear tracks.

They look like...

dog tracks.

Like wolf.

You know, we chose
to go out there by ourselves,

and we knew what it was.

Yeah.

But when I was faced

with the actual
situation like that,

it kind of--

the reality
of what we were doing

was more than
just fun and games.

And then, right before I went
to bed for that first night,

like, it was, like,
the most awesome experience.

Like, you know,
I'm sitting there,

I'm able to watch
just the light fade away,

and, like,
all you can hear is the ocean.

I've never felt
two extremes of emotion

in such a short period
of time ever in my entire life.

What was it like for
you there when it got dark?

I didn't have
a problem with it.

Like, I was actually
able to go to sleep.

I felt--it was the most
peaceful sleep

that I had
when I started initially.

And I kind of felt something
on my back,

and it immediately scared me,
so I sat there.

As soon as I felt it,
you know, I just--

Tighten up.

Yeah, I can't--

I mean,
you can't even breathe.

And all I can hear is:

Like this. Just--

I'm terrified.

I'm starting to, like,
try to grab for,

like, my bear spray,

and I'm sitting there sleeping

with my ax right next to me,
and...

I'm grabbing them both,

and I'm, like, literally just
laying there hoping

whatever it is doesn't just,

like, smash
through this little blue tarp.

Hey, bear!

The amount of fear--

it was just the feeling
of complete vulnerability.

And...

honestly, like,
it made me sick to my stomach.

When you get that feeling,
you better listen to your gut.

I had that gut feeling.

I told my family and my wife
and my daughters

that I'd do it
as long as it was safe,

and that didn't feel safe.

It was the second night,

and it hadn't been dark
terribly long,

and I was in my shelter.

I was good,
wrapped up in my sleeping bag.

And I think I just started
to go to sleep.

You know, you hear something,
and it's like,

you wake up and you're like,
"Did I just hear that?"

And it sounded like a dogfight--

growling, snarling
and, you know, going at it.

You could hear them
knocking crap over

and crashing through the bush.

Me laying there
in the absolute pitch black,

it sounded like they were
on the other side of the canvas

from me.

And it was just--it was
terrifyingly scary to me.

And so I'm sitting there
with a can of pepper spray,

and I even had
the little flare in my hand,

and I'm looking,
and I'm thinking,

"What am I gonna do
with this

"if these things come down here?

There's nothing I can do."

And that feeling
of utter helplessness, really,

scared the out of me.

I mean, it was truly
the scariest night of my life.

I mean, I'm with you.

That's all I needed.
For me that was it.

That was my wall right there.

The guys that are
still out there--

in my opinion,
they're animals.

They really are.

I got nothing but
respect for all of them.

That's the truth.

♪ ♪

There's my ride.

This is it for me.

I hate quitting.

I'm very disappointed.

I'm disappointed
in myself like crazy.

More than I can explain.

If I can't even hold
on to something as valuable

as a fire steel
when I only have ten items,

do I even belong out here?

Honestly, I don't want to go,
you know what I mean?

But without a fire steel,
what am I gonna do?

Including me?

Are you serious?

Are you serious?

Holy--I thought I was
the first for sure.

Welcome to the party, Joe.

What was the very first thing
that you thought about?

This smells
like rotting fish.

That's what it was.

Like, it really
smells like bears

have been feeding around here.

Was there a lot
of dead fish around?

Yeah, everywhere I looked.

Carcasses everywhere,
for sure.

Was there any
time that, like,

you felt like you were
in danger at all?

I never felt
in danger one bit.

I actually came
face-to-face with a bear.

Oh, there's a bear.
There's a bear right across.

Let's see if I can see him.

There he is.
He's actually coming my way.

Hello, bear.

Please turn around and go back.

I watched him for
a good ten minutes, videotaped him.

When it was time
for me to go on my way,

I was like, "Okay bear,

I'm bigger than I really am,"
you know. All that.

And he just looked at me
like it was all good.

But I never got any sense
of danger out of it.

Definitely not. I was like,
"okay," and I just left.

I turned around and walked away
and never saw him again.

Was it ever, like, an issue,

like, missing your family
while you were out there at all?

When I first got off,
it was fine,

but second day I felt
like I missed my family, yeah.

I didn't feel
like I didn't want to be alone.

I knew that's
what it was coming into it

and I was fine with that.
That was never an issue for me,

being alone, either.

Of all the pieces
of gear to lose,

like, the key to your survival.

How'd you even
get in a position

to lose your fire steel?

It was just stupidity,
honestly.

I got a fire going.

I got water boiled up,
and that was great.

I had set my fire steel
on top of my jacket.

And then after that,
I must have grabbed my jacket

without noticing
my fire steel was there,

and it went into the sand
or into the water,

and then the tide came up,

and by the time I noticed,
it was completely gone.

So,
how long after you lost that steel

did you decide that
that was it for you?

I scoured that beach,
raked it out,

you know what I mean,
for two hours,

and in those two hours,
it was kind of just like--

I just convinced myself
that that was it.

The whole point was to see
how long you can survive,

and it's like, "I know I can't
last indefinitely without fire.

"Why am I gonna stay out here
for another three days

when I can just bail and go
home and see my family now?"

That's basically
what I convinced myself.

I just wanted to do better.

Wayne!

Might be a fire.

There.

There he is.

-Yeah.
-Wayne!

Hello!

Hello!

That bear.
He should have smelled me.

He should have smelled me.

He was not scared of me at all.

And that--

as you know, a bear
that's not scared of humans--

I was told that, you know,

all you got to do
is, "Hey, bear,"

and they see you
and they're gone.

He did not.
He just kept coming.

I'm the first one out,
though, right?

Or you're not allowed to say?

Yeah?

What? Really?

Wow. Wow.

It is.

The natives laughed when we said
that we were gonna do this.

You know, they laughed because
they knew what it was like.

I mean, I can't--

I can't sleep
up in the, you know, tarp,

and, no, he's--

he'll be coming around again.

And another
one bites the dust.

So, Wayne,

what was your thoughts
when you got dropped off?

I felt pretty good,

and I felt pretty ready
until I started looking around.

Okay.

I'm here, and...

This is a gorgeous place.

Yeah.

It's all bushes, all bushes.

Bushes. Bushes.

Great big, giant trees.

I needed to get
a permanent shelter done up,

and I was in nothing
but game trails.

Yeah, look at this, guys.

Bear.

Did you ever
settle on someplace?

Yeah, I said to hell
with the bears, basically.

And you went back
into the trail?

I went into the bush right
beside a game trail.

It's the only place
I could set up.

So I just decided, "Okay,
I'll make a raised bed here."

And made a ridge pole,

and set up my camp
and, you know, it was all set.

I was all set.
Now I finally got my position.

Then all of a sudden I just
started thinking of my family,

and that choked me up.

You know, I planned on being out
there for maybe a year.

Going minute by
minute right now.

Like I said though, pretty--
it's a pretty spot.

It really is.

It really is a pretty spot.

I was getting ready to turn in,

so I had carried my camera,

everything,
already up into my shelter.

Walked off to the beach,

and I grabbed my ax
and went to turn around,

and all of a sudden, about 20
yards away, I look over,

and there's a black bear.

Oh,.

Hey, bear!

♪ ♪

And I just went
up into the woods

and sat down in my shelter.

I contacted the crew.

They told me grab my flare.

So I had my flare in one hand,
my pepper spray in the other,

and I just waited.

-I was done. I was done.
-That was it?

Yeah, I was done,
because a bear

that's not scared of a human
is a dangerous bear in my eye.

That means that he didn't
want me on the beach.

I'm in his territory.

The next time I'm on the beach,

he's gonna drive me off
a little bit more aggressive

and so on and so forth.

And plus, if he wants anything
in my camp at night,

he's gonna take it.

He was not scared of me at all.

How'd the extraction go?
How'd they come get you?

That was not so fun.

Yeah, we have flares,
spray, all that stuff.

Dan's GPS says this
is gonna take over three hours.

The thing is
is that they had to drive

down logging roads and stuff
and hike down a big mountain

going through some pretty
hard-core terrain.

I mean, that's our best
option at the moment.

It's clearer.

Ah!.

My shoulder's out.

Argh!

Whoo.

Yeah.

No.

When I was sitting there,

I wasn't sure
if they were coming or not.

I was wondering
if they just figured,

"Okay, he's tapping out.

"We'll wait until morning

when it's light out,"
you know, kind of thing.

I had no clue,

and I was in nothing
but game trails.

It's kind of freaky.

Hope they get here quick.

This is a chance in a lifetime.

It really is.

But when you fear
for your life...

I mean,

it's quite a difference.

Then all of a sudden
I heard a holler,

and, yeah,

it made me feel really good.

Wayne.

Hello!

Hold on.

I'm falling.

Here they come.

Yeah, that was enough
for me, man.

Here's the boat.

It's hard.
Dude, it's hard.

I've been in some hard places.

I've been in combat.

I worked in some of
the worst places in the world.

I will not spend
another night in there.

I was petrified.

I couldn't stay out here
tonight.

I can't stay out here tonight.

I'm tapping out. I'm done.

I think that everything
on top of everybody.

I think it just piled up.

The fact that I'm drinking water
from brackish water.

Just this place.

Just this darkness.

That silence.

My mind.

Mentally, it's just pushed
me to the limit.

I think, too,

another big part is spilling
your guts on that camera.

Sitting here all day
long spilling my guts

on that camera--

it wrecked me, you know?

All it did was just pulled up
emotions that,

you know, probably are repressed
a lot of times, you know.

It's the opposite.
I think it's the--

it may be for some, but it
just--all it did is just--

it completely broke my spirit.

It broke my will.

-Wow. Unbelievable.
-Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Gosh.

This place is--it does--

I'm a tough guy.
I think I'm a tough guy.

I'm not that tough.

That place is crazy.

Welcome to the club.

A lot of us kind of,
like, had our own little ideas

or takes on, like,
what we wanted to achieve or,

like, a goal
that we had in mind.

Did you achieve goals?

Well, what I do--
it brought a lot of

things to light to me.

What I need to work on.

Things that I
weren't comfortable with.

Things that I don't know
anything about, you know.

I definitely don't have
the skill sets

that all you guys have,

and the guys
out there right now.

Did you ever end up
finding any fresh water to drink?

Well, the freshest water I found

was the fresh water
that entered the salt marsh

and was on the way
out towards the tide.

And I waited till an hour

after the lowest part
of the tide to collect it,

and then I filtered it
through sphagnum moss.

So you drank
it without boiling it.

You just filtered it
through moss?

And it was very--oh,
it's very much a gamble.

It tastes kind of nutty.

And the water
actually tasted really good.

It actually tasted clear.

You know, you don't
taste any sodium in it at all,

but it does have
high levels of sodium.

-How did you find out?
-I started having--

Well, at first I started
having just crazy dreams.

Ears started ringing.
Some slight hallucinations.

Like at night, when I was
lying inside under this canvas,

I would have these flashes
of light.

I would have--

I would see symbols or see
things in my--in my--

you know, just under my--

under the canvas.

What bothered me was,
I guess, not being able to tell

when I was awake
and I was asleep.

When you close your eyes--
it's actually brighter

when you close your eyes
than when you keep them open.

So you're trying to sleep
with your eyes open.

Survival, to many people--
it's very linear.

A to B, you know.

There's so many more depths
to it, you know.

The physiology of it.
How it's affecting your body.

Okay, then it's the psychology
of it, you know,

how it's affecting your brain.

And then all these are kind
of pulling away from each other

and adding to each other,

and it just keeps going
back and forth.

And what happens eventually
is you just keep loading

that up with good or bad.

And then the bad outweighs
the good,

and things start to fall apart.

So in my survival style, you
know, the type of survival I do,

I just accomplish the mission.

I called for extract.
I got extracted.

I stayed dry. I stayed warm.

I stayed alive.

I wasn't in the greatest
of health, you know,

with the water I was drinking.

But I accomplished the task
and I got off the X.

Well, they're coming to get me.
It's over for me.

It's time to go.

I don't have to prove anything
to anybody.

I came out here

and tried something
way out of my comfort zone.

And I felt good about it

until it started pouring
down rain and blowing sideways.

I got in my shelter,
and I just sat there

and started thinking
about what I was doing.

And all my thoughts
led me to just go home now.

You're bull me.

There's no way.

I'm just glad I wasn't first.

So, Dustin, you know, tell me,

what were your thoughts
when you hit the beach?

My first thought
was it's pretty dark already.

I was on the beach
for maybe five minutes,

and I decided to find a spot
to put my shelter up.

Were you able to
make a fire on the first night?

No.
I tried for two days to make fire.

I just got frustrated
and I walked away from it.

Nothing.
Complete and utter failure.

I don't know.

What made you go?

When did you decide
that your stay was over,

that you hit the wall?

Well, my problem was,

the last full day I was there
we had those wind gusts,

and that storm blew in,

and I was basically stuck
in my shelter all day.

And I just sat there
for eight hours.

That was the first time
I had to just sit down and think

about what I was doing there.

It makes you really question
what the I was thinking.

You know, I just came
to the conclusion that,

you know,
I have a good life at home,

and there's no reason for me
to be out here and be miserable.

I just, you know--and then I
started thinking more about why

I wanted to do the show
in the first place,

and I just decided
that day, right there,

that I was there
for the wrong reasons.

Are you glad you did the show?

Yeah, it was awesome.

I mean, it's like
anything else in life.

It's an experience
so you learn from it,

and I got to meet you guys,
and I learned a lot about life

and primitive skills
and survival.

People that are still going,

they'll keep going as long as
they can feel they're out there

doing the right thing.

Here we have it.

I'm on the rainy coast.

You guessed it--

it's raining.

Would you mind giving me fire?

So I hear wolves howling
as dark is starting to fall,

and I'm on an island
collecting firewood.

I don't even have a weapon on me
except for my knife.

I don't have a ax.

I don't have my bow.

Nothing.

That was a beautiful crane
right there.

Oh, yes, I just made a fire.

Interesting encounter
last night.

There was a animal
about 30 feet from my tent.

I believe it was a wolf.

Brushed it gently,

and if something
decided to come into my tent,

I would have no issue
turning this on,

blinding him instantaneously,
and...

Striking numerous times.

I haven't found fresh water yet.
That's a big deal.

'Cause I can't rely on just
rain to survive for water.

Pretty soon I'm gonna be
in dire straits.

I've been looking
for water all day,

probably for at least
eight hours today.

Yeah, I'll have
to cross all that.

I'm not even sure
how I'm gonna do that yet.

I might have to make a boat.

If I have a problem and I fall
in on this makeshift tarp boat,

I mean, we're talking
serious hypothermic situation.

I hear some water
running over here.

That's what I heard.

A freshwater mountain stream.

Oh, yes.

I just moved my camp.

It's cold.

It's raining.

You know, this is a pretty
unwelcome place to live.

Kind of have, like, a clock
over my head right now--

like a starvation clock.

It all depends on if I can get
fish over here, yes or no.

I'm gonna put that
inside my tinder bundle.

Yes.

I think I finally
cracked the code, fire-wise,

to this place.

Today is a pretty special day.

It's my little girl's birthday.

I'm sorry I'm not with you
on your special day.

I see a huge fish, no doubt.

Look at this fish.

Holy.

Huge fish. What a blessing.

Mmm.

Still juicy.

I'm pretty sure
I just saw a cougar

about ten feet
from my front door.

Two bright flashing eyes.

I could hear it out there.

Last night was the longest night
I've had here.

I had a hard time sleeping.

I haven't seen that cougar
again.

My gear is growing mold.

That's bad news.

I can't believe
this is happening.

My net is gone.

This is very bad.

If I can't produce any fish,

I'm done.

♪ ♪

Well, no question about it.

I am definitely crazy.

So, here we are.

Wow.

Almost hesitant
to walk into this bush

because it's so thick.

Man.

Look at the size of that tree.

Wow.

This is almost cave-like
underneath this tree.

That may very well be home.

♪ ♪

Come on, baby.

Yes!

Hell, yes.

I've sweated so much

running around trying
to get the lay of the land here.

I'm starting
to feel kind of dry.

If I could just
get that one drink

and a decent night's sleep,
I'll be okay for today.

So I'm gonna find the place
where the water runs in,

try to fill my water bottle
up in it,

and get a fire going
to sterilize the water.

♪ ♪

There's definitely things
to eat here.

You can forage.

I found a slug.

Starting to get into a rhythm.

The first couple of days
has been challenging

trying to find
my groove out here

and get in it.

And now it's time
for a celebratory dance

I like to call
the backwoods shuffle.

Just doing it one day at a time.

Bull kelp.

You got to stay focused.

I just turned 40.

You look back at your life
and think, "Where did it go?"

Just poof.

Here I am, 40 years old next
to a log in British Columbia.

You spend a lot of time
alone in the wilderness,

you better like yourself.

♪ O sole mio ♪

I have found a place

that I think would make
a suitable cooking camp.

I put out a gillnet,
and that way,

if the gillnet yields anything,
I'll have a place to take it.

You know how, you hear
the expression all the time,

"Man battling against nature."

Any man that does
that is going to die.

You have got
to learn to work with it,

or it will run you over
like a beer truck

with no brakes
on a downhill slope.

Yep. I can see the weather
getting to be clear.

When you spend two or three days
in your shelter,

it feels less like a home
and more like a tomb.

I feel slightly restless.

Days like this make you want
to hit the old button.

Tap. "I'm ready to go home.

Bye!"

Is there no sun
in this cursed land?

Oh, the sun.

I think that victory for me

would be leaving here
at peace with myself,

and I don't know
what that is yet.

Unbelievable.

Unbelievable.

Would you do something
like this?

Most people wouldn't.

It's gnarly in here,

but beautiful.

If this is a spring,
I'm gonna flip.

I'm over the moon.
Water right there.

This is an incredible challenge.

I didn't put too much time
in scouting initially

because I figured
rain was coming,

and shelter
was incredibly important.

So, I need to get some firewood,

and I also want
to build a cabin.

So I think it's time
we do some serious work.

Now, why am I building a cabin?

I really want four walls around
me that I can feel secure in.

If a big, bad bear's gonna
come knocking on my door,

I'm gonna have a few moments
to be able to grab my ax,

my spear, or whatever.

So close.

I found clay

so I would be able
to have a fire indoors

with some stone and clay mixed.

Whoo! Well, it's nearing
the end of the day,

and I just did some preliminary
testing on the clay,

and it looks like
it's just not gonna work.

All these logs
behind me and all that work--

I'm feeling pretty crushed
right now.

It's rainy and very windy out.

Today is all about making
a boat.

If you're living
out in the wild,

you want to be close to food,

which I am not.

I want to explore and see
if there is a place

that would be better to camp.

I've never built a canoe
in my life.

There are things out here that
make my heart go pitter patter,

but what I fear most
isn't out in these woods.

I'm feeling things
I don't think I've ever felt...

Because there's always been
distractions.

And with everything
just completely obliterated

out of my life--no phone,
no computer, no friends--

I actually feel
what it's like to be me.

Getting there.

Today's a big day.

I got to see if this floats.

It's possible that this
is actually what takes me out

or what shoots me
through the roof.

♪ ♪

Oh, my God.

It works.

Whoo!

Yeah!

I just landed on a clam beach.

This is huge.

I have found a reliable source
of protein, of calories.

♪ ♪

If anything threatens me,
it's the weather and the cold.

Yeah, I wonder if
what I'm looking for is really

to be the last survivor,

or more so just really
to see what's inside me.

Oh, thank you, Lord. Oh.

This whole process has been
quite a roller coaster

of emotions.

No hits or nothing.

And, um, I wonder
where it's gonna take me.

It's just so hard
doing this alone.

Oh.

I've been preparing
myself mentally for this

since I was 14 years old.

Yeah!

I feel like a mosquito
in a nudist colony.

So much work to do.

Home sweet home.

Day three.

I still look pretty good.
Yeah, I'd say so.

There's this big, old,
rotten log right by my camp,

and I decided to make
it into a water catch.

So we're gonna hollow out a
big old hole in the middle here,

and then we'll put up
my plastic sheet over it

and we'll arrange it
so that the water just

runs down into the water catch.

So, I'm gonna really get going
on that primary shelter.

I'm just gonna put up
a quickie roof here.

It's gonna be kind
of an A-frame style.

That should shed the rain
pretty well.

Going over to the water catch.

Oh, man, it's full to the brim.

Not bad.

That's good water.

This storm's
coming in pretty quick.

The sky looks evil.

My shelter's whipping around.

Oh, man.

Yeah, it's definitely time
to hunker down.

This is nuts.

I'm surprised
my shelter's still up.

Daily photo. Day eight.

I've been hunting for a while.

Nothing.

I know there are little crabs
in the area.

So who knows?

Maybe today will get me
where I need to go.

Bunch of them. Man.

Just a bunch of crabs.

This is awesome.

Oh, man.

Holy crap.

It's getting tougher and tougher
as the days go by.

Really, really
difficult at times.

All you want to do is go home
and be warm and dry

and eat some good food.

For all of week one,

I just pushed it aside
as hard as I could.

Like,

I didn't think about home.

I didn't think about my wife
or my soon-to-be little boy,

'cause I knew the second--

the second
I thought about those guys,

it would just tear me up,

and my days
here would just be numbered.

Bam!

Salmon.

Freaking huge.
Wow. He's lively.

He's lively, everyone.

I think I'm going
a little bit nuts now.

Whammo.

Mousy feast.

Ugh.

My hands are numb.

If I don't eat, I'm gonna die.

My whole plan
has gone out the window.

I don't have a
roof over my head tonight.

It's so cold.

You can hear the wind.

I'm gonna put on socks
and boots.

Oh.

My feet feel numb.

The pins-and-needles,
achy kind of numb.

I'm not very
well nourished right now,

just to be honest with you.

I've not--

I've not eaten the past couple
of days like I need to.

I feel like I'm starving.

What I'm concerned about
is the fact that my traps--

they're way out there and I hope
they're not getting beat up.

Man, it's, like, bone dead cold.

It's silent.

Everything that's alive is just,

like, hunkered down
and just trying to,

like, get through
the night right now.

I'm definitely losing it.

I am not good in the head
right now.

Man.

I'm not used to feeling this...

Uh,

this helpless.

I hope my fire's still lit.

Gone.
Daggum, that fire is gone.

Full, raging fire.

Walk down to the beach.

Come back. It's gone.

♪ ♪

Everything is a constant
struggle.

Maybe my
camp isn't in the best spot.

Food isn't close.

I got to go where there's food.

Otherwise I'm not gonna make it.

So, folks, this is
the future site of my yurt.

Except I have a low-hanging
branch.

This guy right here
is right in my way,

so I'm gonna climb the tree
and drop it.

♪ ♪

My mind's just racing.

I lost my net.

I need to figure out
how to get more food.

I'm gonna set up
some trout lines.

The difference between high tide
and low tide here

is astronomical.

Straight out there
is my trout line.

I'm trying to stay positive,
but I'm not getting it done.

I need to be careful what I do
because I can't do too much more

before I run out of calories.

I'm so hungry,

and it's just wearing on me.

I'm gonna go ahead
and take the bow

into the enchanted forest
back here.

This is totally just a last
ditch effort to get some food.

If I don't eat,

I'm gonna die.

I haven't eaten much in days.

No food again today
which is kind of a bummer.

The isolation has
just been terrible.

She knew she might
not be there when I get back.

Made me promise I'd stay.

I don't know if I can do that.

You know, the isolation,
not eating,

I just don't know
if I've got it in me.

I have no enthusiasm
for any of this anymore.

This place has just driven me
into the ground.