Original subtitles

Welcome, folks.

Welcome to Shit I Have to Say.

You want to hear it. I want to hear it. We want to hear it. It's President

Trump's quotes straight out of his own mouth.

If Hillary Clinton can't satisfy her husband, what makes her think she can

satisfy America?

People pay a lot of money for this stuff.

You better believe it. Now here we are. My own show.

My own network.

It's all about me.

So I thought, why not make it even more about me with my very own show of me

introducing things I've already said.

So it's me talking about me.

It's like a geometrical fractal of genius.

Only Mother Nature can come up with this stuff, folks.

And just as Mother Nature knows, there has been no collusion.

Folks, the point I'm making is that I've given the best speeches on Twitter, on

Fox and Friends, and at the counter of McDonald's, because I'm a man of the

people. I love the poor.

I've made talking great again by using the best words.

Oh, and I have the best words, folks.

They use all the letters and vowels to form great sentences.

Phenomenal sentences.

Listen, the point is, folks, this is important stuff.

And so I've assembled some of my very best quotes.

I'll sign an executive order to prove it. Let's get started then. Let's hear

the very best of what I have to say.

It's really cold outside.

They're calling it a major freeze, weeks ahead of normal.

Man, we could use a big fat dose of global warming.

The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order

to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.

Windmills are the greatest threat in the U.S. to both bald and gold eagles.

Media claims fictional global warming is worse.

I would like to wish everyone, including all the haters and losers, of which,

sadly, there are many, a truly happy and enjoyable Memorial Day.

To everyone, including all haters and losers, Happy New Year.

Work hard, be smart, and always remember, winning takes care of

everything.

It's truly incredible that shows like Saturday Night Live, not funny, no

talent, can spend all their time knocking the same person, me, over and

over without so much as mentioning the other side.

Like an advertisement without consequences.

Same with late night shows.

Like many, I don't watch Saturday Night Live, even though I past-hosted it. No

longer funny, no talent, no charm. It is just a political ad for the Dems.

Word is that Kanye West, who put on a MAGA hat after the show, despite being

told no, was great.

He's leading the charge.

And while I'm at it, who the hell is Joanne Reed?

Never met her. She knows zero about me, has no talent, and truly doesn't have

the it factor needed for success in show business.

Had a bad reputation and now works for the Comcast NBC losers making up

phony stories about me. Low ratings. Fake news.

Isn't it crazy that people of little or no talent or success can be so critical

of those whose accomplishments are great with no retribution?

We'll have an economy based on wind. I never understood wind, you know. I know

windmills very much. I've studied it better than anybody I know. It's very

expensive.

They're made in China and Germany, mostly.

Very few made here, almost none.

But they're manufactured tremendous.

If you're into this, tremendous fumes. Gases are spewing into the atmosphere.

So they make these things, and then they put them up. And if you own a house

within view of some of these monsters,

Your house is worth 50% of its price.

They're noisy.

They kill birds.

You want to see a bird graveyard?

You just go. Take a look. A bird graveyard.

Go under a windmill someday.

You'll see more birds than you've ever seen in your life.

Be careful and try to stay in your house. Large parts of the country are

suffering from tremendous amounts of snow and near record setting cold.

Amazing how big this system is.

Wouldn't be bad to have a little of that good old fashioned global warming right

now.

Record-setting cold and snow. Ice caps massive.

The only global warming we should fear is that caused by nuclear weapons.

Incompetent polls.

Among the lowest temperatures ever in much of the United States, ice caps at

record size.

Change name from global warming to climate change.

Where the hell is global warming when you need it?

Nobody but Donald Trump will save Israel. You are wasting your time with

these politicians and political clowns.

Now the press is trying to sell the fact that I want a moat stuffed with

alligators and snakes with an electric fence and sharp spikes on top at the

southern border.

I may be tough on border security, but not that tough.

The press has gone crazy.

Fake news.

The fake news said I was playing golf today, and I did not.

I had meetings in various locations while closely monitoring the U.S.

Embassy situation in Iraq, which I am still doing.

The corrupt lamestream media knows this, but surprisingly failed to report or

correct.

The Wall Street Journal story on the China deal is completely wrong,

especially their statement on tariffs. Fake news.

They should find a better leaker.

Oh, and they want to impeach me, folks. Me.

The greatest president who ever lived.

They're going to fail bigly.

Another fake news story out there. It never ends.

Virtually any time I speak on the phone to a foreign leader, now I understand

there may be many people listening from various U.S. agencies, not to mention

those from the other country itself. No problem.

The fake news media and their partner, the Democrat Party, want to stay as far

away as possible from the Joe Biden demand that the Ukraine government fire

a prosecutor who is investigating his son or they wouldn't get a very large

amount of U.S. money.

So they fabricate a story about me and the perfectly fine and routine

conversation I had with the new president of the Ukraine.

Nothing was said that was in any way wrong, but Biden's demand, on the other

hand, was a complete and total disaster.

The fake news knows this, but doesn't want to report.

Now the fake news media says I pressured the Ukrainian president at least eight

times during my telephone call with him. This supposedly comes from a so-called

whistleblower, who they say doesn't even have a first-hand account of what was

said. More Democrat Crooked Media Con.

The congratulatory phone call with the Ukrainian president was perfect. Unless

you heard little Adam Schiff's fraudulently made-up version of the

call. This is just another fake news media together with their partner, the

Democrat Party.

Hoax.

A perfect phone call.

Can you do us, not me?

Us, in reference to our country, a favor.

Then, go on to talk about country and U.S. Attorney General.

The impeachment hoax is just a continuation of the witch hunt which has

been going on for three years. We will win.

A whistleblower with second-hand information.

Another fake news story.

See what was said on the very nice, no pressure call.

Another witch hunt.

Nice call with the new president of Ukraine.

It could not have been better or more honorable.

And the fake news media and Democrats working as a team have fraudulently made

it look bad.

It wasn't bad.

It was very legal, very good.

A continuing witch hunt.

The conversation with the new and very good Ukraine president, who told the

fake news at the United Nations that he was not pressured by me in any way,

shape, or form, should by and of itself bring an end to the new and most recent

witch hunt.

Others ended in ashes.

The fake news media nowadays not only doesn't check for the accuracy of the

facts, they knowingly make up facts.

They even make up sources in order to protect their partners, the Democrats.

It is so wrong, but they don't even care anymore.

They have gone totally crazy.

These radical left do-nothing Democrats are doing great harm to our country.

They are lying and cheating like never before in our country's history in order

to destabilize the United States of America and its upcoming 2020 election.

They and the fake news media are dangerous and bad.

Our crazy, do-nothing, where's USMCA, infrastructure, low drug pricing, and

much more?

Speaker of the House, Nervous Nancy Pelosi, who is petrified by her radical

left knowing she will soon be gone.

They and fake news media are her boss.

Suggested on Sundays to face the nation.

Remember when Pelosi was screaming that President Trump is a danger to our

nation and we must move quickly?

They didn't get one Republican House vote and lost three Dems.

They produce no case, so now she doesn't want to go to the Senate. She is all

lies. Most overrated person I know.

The new USA Today poll, just out, has me leading all the Democrat contenders.

That's hard to believe, since the fake news and three-year scams and witch

hunts, as funny as they are, just never seem to end. The American people are

smart. They see the great economy and everything else.

The whistleblower got it so wrong that he must come forward.

The fake news media knows who it is, but being an arm of the Democrat Party,

don't want to reveal him because there would be hell to pay.

Reveal the whistleblower and end the impeachment hoax.

Democrats are allowing no transparency at the witch hunt hearings. If

Republicans ever did this, they would be excoriated by the fake news.

Let the facts come out from the charade of people, most of whom I do not know.

They are interviewing for nine hours each, not selective leaks.

Only 25% want the president impeached, which is pretty low considering the

volume of fake news coverage, but pretty high considering the fact I did nothing

wrong. It is all just a continuation of the greatest scam and witch hunt

in the history of our country.

The fake news media is working hard so that information about the

whistleblower's identity, which may be very bad for them and their Democrat

parties, never reaches the public.

Read the transcript.

The impeachment hoax is the greatest con job in the history of American politics.

The fake news media and their party, the Democrat Party, are working overtime to

make life of the United Republican Party and all it stands for as difficult as

possible.

The president did nothing wrong here. There is no crime.

Impeachment hoax.

Approval rating in Republican Party?

95%. A record.

Overall approval?

51%. Think of where I'd be without the never-ending 24-hour-a-day

phony witch hunt that started three years ago.

Congressional do-nothing Democrats are being absolutely decimated in their

district on the subject of the impeachment hoax. People that voted for

them are literally screaming in their faces.

Crazy Nancy is finding defending Shifty Shift harder than she thought.

I got impeached last night without one Republican vote being cast with the Do

-Nothing Dems on their continuation of the greatest witch hunt in American

history. Now the Do-Nothing Party wants to do nothing with the articles and not

deliver them to the Senate.

But it's the Senate's call.

Pelosi feels her phony impeachment hoax is so pathetic, she is afraid to

present it to the Senate, which can set a date and put this whole scam into

default if they refuse to show up. The do-nothings are so bad for our country.

The House Democrats are unable to get even a single vote from the Republicans

on their impeachment hoax. The Republicans have never been so united.

The Dems' case is so bad, they don't even want to go to trial.

The Democrat Party's witch hunt And crazy extreme policies are chasing

common sense people out of the Dem Party.

That is why Jeff Van Drew at Congressman JVD voted no on the impeachment

hoax. Jeff will be joining our growing Republican Party.

Plus, never did anything wrong.

Read the transcript.

A Democrat hoax. A total witch hunt.

Crazy Nancy wants to dictate terms on the impeachment hoax to the Republican

Majority Senate. But stripping away all due process, no lawyers, no witnesses

on the Democrat Majority House, the Dems wish it would all end.

Their case is dead.

Their poll numbers are horrendous.

What right does Nancy Pelosi have to hold up this Senate trial?

None. She has a bad case and would rather not have a negative decision.

This witch hunt must end now, with a trial in the Senate, or let her

default and lose.

No more time should be wasted on this impeachment scam.

Wouldn't it be reasonable?

To assume that Republicans in the Senate should handle the impeachment hoax in

the exact same manner as Democrats in the House handled their recent partisan

scam? Why would it be different for Republicans than it was for the radical

left Democrats?

Crazy Nancy Pelosi should spend more time in a decaying city and less time on

the impeachment hoax.

It's great to have a wonderful subject, President Trump.

Fake news like CNN and MSNBC are dying.

If they treated me fairly, they would do well.

They have zero credibility.

I don't blame China.

I blame the incompetence of past admins for allowing China to take advantage of

the U.S. on trade leading up to a point where the U.S. is losing hundreds of

billions. How can you blame China for taking advantage of people that had no

clue? I would have done the same.

I like China.

I just sold an apartment for 15 million to someone from China.

Am I supposed to dislike them?

Russian leaders are publicly celebrating Obama's re-election. They can't wait to

see how flexible Obama will be now.

The Miss Universe pageant will be broadcast live from Moscow, Russia on

November 9th. A big deal that will bring our countries together.

Russia will have much greater respect for our country when I'm leading it than

when other people have led it. If Putin likes Donald Trump, I consider that an

asset, not a liability.

because we have a horrible relationship with Russia.

You know, I go to Washington, and I see all these politicians, and I see the

swamp, and it's not a good place. In fact, today, I said we ought to change

it from the word swamp to the word cesspool, or perhaps to the word sewer.

Obama is, without question, the worst ever president. I predict he will

now do something really bad and totally stupid to show manhood.

If you look at Saddam Hussein, he killed terrorists.

I'm not saying he was an angel, but this guy killed terrorists.

If Hillary Clinton can't satisfy her husband, what makes her think she can

satisfy America?

The only card she has is the woman's card.

She's got nothing else to offer, and frankly, if Hillary Clinton were a man,

I don't think she'd get 5% of the vote. The only thing she's got going is the

woman's card, and the beautiful thing is...

Women don't like her.

Crooked Hillary Clinton is the worst and biggest loser of all time. She just

won't stop, which is good for the Republican Party.

Hillary, get on with your life and give it another try in three years.

No matter what you do, guns, no guns, it doesn't matter. You have people that are

mentally ill, and they're going to come through the cracks, and they're going to

do things that people will not even believe are possible.

I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created.

It may be elitist, and perhaps that's what golf needs.

Let golf be elitist. When I say aspire, that's a positive word.

Let people work hard and aspire to someday play golf.

About gay marriage, it's like in golf.

A lot of people, I don't want to sound traditional, but a lot of people are

switching to these really long putters.

Very unattractive. It's weird. You see these great players with these really

long putters because they can't sink three footers anymore.

And I hate it. I'm a traditionalist.

I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I'm a

traditionalist.

After consulting with my generals and military experts, please be advised that

the United States government will not be accepting or allowing transgender

individuals to serve in any capacity in the United States military.

Our military must be focused on decisive and overwhelming victory.

and cannot be burdened with the tremendous medical costs and disruption

that transgender in the military would entail. Thank you.

About 9-11, I think I could have stopped it, because I have very tough illegal

immigration policies, and people aren't coming into this country unless they are

vetted and vetted properly.

Why are we having all these people from shithole countries coming here?

We're rounding them up in a very humane way, a very nice way.

And they're going to be happy because they want to be legalized. And by the

way, I know it doesn't sound nice, but not everything is nice.

What I won't do is take in 200,000 Syrians who could be ISIS.

I have been watching this migration, and I see the people.

I mean, they're men.

They're mostly men, and they're strong men.

They're physically young, strong men. They look like primetime soldiers.

Now, it's probably not true, but where are the women?

So you ask two things. Number one, why aren't they fighting for their country?

And number two, I don't want these people coming over here.

I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will have Mexico

pay for that wall. Mark my words.

They're sending people that have lots of problems. And they're bringing those

problems with us.

They're bringing drugs.

They're bringing crime.

They're rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.

Our country is in serious trouble. We don't have victories anymore.

We used to have victories, but now we don't have them.

When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let's say, China in a trade

deal? They kill us. I beat China all the time. All the time.

Why would Kim Jong-un insult me by calling me old when I would never call

him short and fat?

Oh well, I try so hard to be his friend.

Maybe someday that'll happen.

We're increasing our budget by many billions of dollars because of North

Korea and other reasons having to do with the anti-missile.

Kim Jong-un speaks and his people sit at attention.

I want my people to do the same.

North Korean leader Kim Jong-un just stated that the nuclear button is on his

desk at all times.

Will someone from his depleted and food-stuffed regime please inform him

that I too have a nuclear button, that it is a much bigger and more powerful

one than his, and my button works.

The line of Make America Great Again, the phrase That was mine.

I came up with it about a year ago.

And I keep using it. And everybody's using it. They're all loving it.

I don't know. I guess I should copyright it. Maybe I've copyrighted it.

I loved my previous life.

I had so many things going.

This is more work than in my previous life. I thought it would be easier.

Nobody knew healthcare could be so complicated.

I would bet if you took a poll in the FBI, I would win that poll more than

anybody's won a poll.

We condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred,

bigotry, and violence on many sides.

On many sides.

Sorry, losers and haters, but my IQ is one of the highest, and you all know it.

Please do not feel so stupid or insecure.

It's not your fault.

Every time I speak of the haters and losers, I do so with great love and

affection. They cannot up the fact that they were born fucked up.

No current event slips by me, folks. I know it all.

I have people brief me every morning for my television.

No fake news either.

Real news, folks. Real, okay?

During the Revolutionary War, our army manned the air and rammed the ramparts.

It took over the airports.

It did everything it had to do. And at Fort McHenry, under the rocket's red

glare, it had nothing but victory.

If the morons who killed all those people at Charlie Headbow would have

just waited, the magazine would have folded. No money, no success.

I have never seen a thin person drink Diet Coke.

Healthy child goes to doctor, gets bumped with massive shot of many

vaccines, doesn't feel good, and changes.

Autism. Many such cases.

Show me someone with no ego, and I'll show you a big loser.

I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I

wouldn't lose voters.

I say, not in a braggadocious way, I've made billions and billions of dollars

dealing with people all around the world.

My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various

other parts of my body.

Nobody has better respect for intelligence than Donald Trump.

As a kid, I was making a building with blocks in our playroom.

I didn't have enough.

So I asked my younger brother, Robert, if I could borrow some of his.

He said, okay, but you have to give them back when you're done.

I used all of my blocks, then all of his blocks, and when I was done, I had a

great building, which I then glued together.

Robert never did get those blocks back.

I also give the best advice to my closest personal friends.

You know them as celebrities. The best advice.

Because I'm also very intelligent. And wow, folks, wow.

I give myself an A-plus in intelligence. The people, they love me.

Katy Perry, what the hell were you thinking when you married loser Russell

Brand?

There is a guy who has got nothing going. A waste.

Megan Kelly was very mean to me. You could see there was blood coming out of

her eyes.

Blood coming out of her wherever.

Arianna Huff is unattractive both inside and out. I fully understand why her

former husband left her for a man.

He made a good decision.

Robert Pattinson should not take back Christine Stewart.

She cheated on him like a dog and will do it again. Just watch.

He can do much better.

Rand Paul, I never attacked him on his looks. And believe me, there's plenty of

subject matter right there.

Pervert alert!

Anthony Weiner is back on Twitter.

All girls under the age of 18, block him immediately.

It came out that Huma Abedin knows all about Hillary's private illegal emails.

Huma's PR husband, Anthony Weiner, will tell the world.

John McCain is not a war hero.

He's a war hero.

He's a war hero because he got captured.

I like people that weren't captured, okay? I hate to tell you.

Ivanka has a very nice figure.

I've said, if Ivanka weren't my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her.

I would never buy Ivana any decent jewelry or pictures. Why give her

negotiable assets?

You know, the funny thing, I don't get along with rich people. I get along with

the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich

people.

Just tried watching Modern Family.

Written by a moron. Really boring.

Writer has the mind of a very dumb and backwards child.

Sorry, Danny.

Look at my African American.

I have a great relationship with African Americans, as you possibly have heard. I

just have great respect for them. And they like me. I like them.

Racism. Well, I do think there's blame, yes.

I think there's blame on both sides.

You look at it.

You look at both sides, I think there's blame on both sides. And I have no doubt

about it. And you don't have any doubt about it either.

I'm the least racist person you've ever interviewed.

I think if this country gets any kinder or gentler, it's literally going to

cease to exist.

At least 24 players kneeling this weekend at NFL stadiums that are now

having a very hard time filling up. The American public is fed up with the

disrespect the NFL is paying to our country.

Our flag and our national anthem.

Weak and out of control.

My favorite part of Pulp Fiction is when Sam has his gun out in the diner and he

tells the guy to tell his girlfriend to shut up. Tell that bitch to be cool.

Say, bitch, be cool.

I love those lines.

While Bette Midler is an extremely unattractive woman, I refuse to say that

because I always insist on being politically correct.

I think the big problem this country has is being politically correct.

I've been challenged by so many people, and I don't, frankly, have time for

total political correctness.

All the women on The Apprentice flirted with me, consciously or unconsciously.

That is to be expected.

Certain guys tell me they want women of substance, not beautiful models.

It just means they can't get beautiful models.

I will be phenomenal to women. I mean, I want to help women.

I look very much forward.

to showing my financials, because they are huge.

I think Viagra is wonderful if you need it. If you have medical issues, if

you've had surgery.

I've just never needed it, frankly.

I wouldn't mind if there were an anti-Viagra, something with the opposite

effect. I'm not bragging. I'm just lucky.

I don't need it.

The media is really the word. I think one of the greatest of all terms I've

come up with is fake.

I guess other people have used it perhaps over the years, but I've never

noticed it.

It's just fake. It's fake.

It's made up. It's disgraceful what happens, but that happens in the world

of politics.

You know, it really doesn't matter what the media writes as long as you've got a

young and beautiful piece of ass.

I believe, folks. I believe we can live in a world that I can be elected for

seven more terms.

I'm the most successful person ever to run for the presidency, by far.

Nobody has ever been more successful than me. I'm the most successful person

ever to run.

Ross Perot isn't successful like me.

Romney? I have a Gucci store that's worth more than Romney.

I'm also honored to have the greatest temperament that anybody has.

Let me tell you, I'm a really smart guy.

I think I'm actually humble.

I think I'm much more humble than you would understand.

The beauty of me is that I am very rich.

And I'm tough. Very tough.

The toughest president ever. Those fake news spouting Democrats.

You know what I wanted to?

I wanted to hit a couple of those speakers so hard.

I would have hit them. No. No. I was going to hit them. I was all set.

And then I got a call from a highly respected governor.

I was going to hit one guy in particular.

A very little guy.

I was going to hit this guy so hard his head would spin, and he wouldn't know

what the hell happened.

I was going to hit a number of those speakers so hard their heads would spin

they would never recover.

And that's what I did with a lot.

That's why I don't have certain people endorsing me. They still haven't

recovered.

If I didn't get the Republican nomination, I think you'd have riots. I

think you'd have riots.

I'm representing many, many millions of people. In many cases, first-time

voters. If you disenfranchise those people, and you say, well, I'm sorry,

you're 100 votes short, even though the next one is 500 votes short.

I think you'd have problems like you've never seen before.

I wouldn't lead it, but I think bad things will happen.

I don't think I've made any mistakes.

Every time somebody says I made a mistake, they do the polls and my

numbers go up, so I guess I haven't made any mistakes.

I think the only thing different between me and the other candidates is that I'm

more honest and my women are more beautiful.

When all was said and done, we won with poorly educated.

I love the poorly educated.

I'm speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain, and

I've said a lot of things.

Also, I'm not a schmuck. Even if the world goes to hell in a handbasket, I

won't lose a penny.

I'll always be bigly rich, folks.

Huge.

Because of all this. And more importantly, because I'm all this.

Well...

To

be blunt, people would vote for me. They just would. Why?

Maybe because I'm so good looking.

Those quotes were incredible. Just incredible.

Join us next time for more of what I have to say.

You want to hear it. I want to hear it. We want to hear it. It's President

Trump's quotes straight out of his own mouth.

People pay a lot of money for this stuff. You better believe it.

Wait, what?

You mean they did it?

I'm impeached?

Let's have a moment of silence for America.

This is the greatest moment of silence ever.

So silent, so huge for America.