Original subtitles

Josh: WHEN I WAS IN THE THIRD.

GRADE, I HAD THE CUTEST LITTLE TURTLE EVER.

Drake: WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID,

I HAD THE HOTTEST BABY-SITTER EVER.

Josh: HIS NAME WAS SHELDON.

Drake: HER NAME WAS DEBBIE.

I REMEMBER SHE USED TO LIKE TO EAT GRAPES.

Josh: I REMEMBER HE USED TO LOVE.

TO EAT BUGS.

Drake: AND WHENEVER I"D GET.

SCARED... SHE"D HOLD MY HAND.

Josh: WHENEVER HE"D GET SCARED,

HE"D... PEE IN MY HAND.

Drake: BUT THEN DEBBIE MOVED TO WISCONSIN.

Josh: BUT THEN ONE DAY SHELDON... PASSED ON.

Drake: SO MY MOM GOT ME A NEW BABY-SITTER.

Josh: SO MY DAD BOUGHT ME A LIZARD.

Drake: HER NAME WAS MRS. FINKLE.

Josh: HIS NAME WAS JULIO.

Drake: SHE USED TO MAKE ME EAT.

WARM TUNA FISH AND WATCH

EDUCATIONAL TELEVISION.

Josh: HE USED TO CLIMB UP MY.

CHEST AND BITE MY THROAT!

Drake: AND THE MORE I HATED THAT.

OLD LADY... Josh: AND THE MORE I HATED THAT.

VICIOUS LIZARD...

Drake: THE MORE I MISSED DEBBIE.

Josh: THE MORE I MISSED SHELDON.

Drake: I GUESS I NEVER REALLY.

APPRECIATED DEBBIE...

Josh: I GUESS I NEVER REALIZED.

HOW MUCH I LOVED SHELDON...

Drake: TILL SHE WAS GONE.

Josh: UNTIL JULIO TRIED TO KILL ME!

ME! Drake: OK, OPEN.

Tori: UM... GREEN APPLE? Drake: EXCELLENT. OPEN.

Tori: CHERRY.

Drake: MORE SPECIFIC, PLEASE.

Tori: VERY CHERRY? Drake: VERY GOOD.

Tori: HMM. HOT GUY LIPS?

Drake: THAT IS CORRECT.

WE ALSO WOULD HAVE ACCEPTED

EXTREMELY HOT GUY LIPS.

Tori: HEY, GET ME A SODA?

Both: MOCHA COLA, EXTRA ICE.

Tori: WOW, YOU"RE GOOD.

Drake: YEAH, WE ALSO WOULD"VE.

ACCEPTED EXTREMELY GOOD.

HEY, JOSH. AAH!

Josh: LOOK, YOU CAN "AAH" ALL.

YOU WANT, ALL RIGHT? I LIKE MY MUSTACHE.

Drake: OH, COME ON. GRAMMY HAS.

MORE HAIR ON HER UPPER LIP THAN THAT.

Josh: DO NOT MAKE FUN OF.

GRAMMY"S HORMONAL IMBALANCES!

Drake: OOH, SORRY. WHY DON"T.

YOU JUST SHAVE THAT THING OFF?

Josh: NO. EVER SINCE I"VE GROWN.

THIS MUSTACHE, PEOPLE TREAT ME

DIFFERENTLY. I GET MORE RESPECT.

Gavin: HEY, JOSH, HELEN WANTS.

YOU TO GO DOWN TO THE BASEMENT

AND EMPTY THE RAT TRAPS.

Josh: YOU SEE? HELEN NEVER LET.

ME DO THAT BEFORE. THE POWER...

OF THE "STACHE."

Drake: IF YOU SAY SO.

Josh: YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD THINK.

ABOUT GROWING A MUSTACHE. I BET

YOUR GIRLFRIEND WOULD THINK IT"S COOL.

Drake: OW, OW, OW! DON"T SAY "GIRLFRIEND."

Josh: WHY NOT?

Drake: BECAUSE TORI AND I ARE.

JUST DATING. I DON"T LIKE THE

WORD "GIRLFRIEND."

Josh: MINDY"S MY GIRLFRIEND.

I DON"T HAVE A PROBLEM SAYING IT.

Drake: OH, JOSH, HOW CAN I.

EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU? YOU SEE,

GIRLS ARE A LOT LIKE... CANDY.

Josh: CANDY?

Drake: RIGHT. LET"S SAY TORI IS.

THE MEGATHON BAR.

Josh: TORI IS THE MEGATHON BAR.

Drake: GREAT CANDY BAR, RIGHT?

Josh: SURE.

Drake: YEAH, BUT I WOULDN"T WANT.

THIS TO BE THE ONLY CANDY IN MY

LIFE, WOULD YOU?

Josh: NO.

Drake: EXACTLY. I MEAN, SOME.

DAYS WE"D WANT A FLUTTER NUTTER...

Josh: SURE.

Drake: OTHER DAYS SOME SQUIGGLES...

Josh: I LIKE THE SQUIGGLES.

Drake: AND DWEEBS AND PUDDYCATS.

AND MELON Ms.

Josh: ALL RIGHT, WILL YOU CUT TO THE CHASE?

Drake: SURE. YOU SEE, WE AS MEN.

CAN ENJOY THE MEGATHON BAR

WHENEVER WE WANT, BUT THAT

DOESN"T MEAN WE HAVE TO MAKE IT

OUR CANDYFRIEND.

Tori: HEY. Drake: OH, HEY. I WAS JUST.

GETTING YOUR SODA. Tori: THANKS, BUT MY MOM JUST.

CALLED AND SHE WANTS ME TO GET

HOME, SO I BETTER... WERE YOU JUST

BUYING ME ALL THIS CANDY?

Drake: WELL, I...

Tori: THAT IS SO SWEET OF YOU.

IS HE THE CUTEST BOYFRIEND OR WHAT?

Drake: BOYFRIEND? Tori: THE CUTEST.

Josh: LOOKS LIKE ALL YOU GOT IS.

A MEGATHON BAR. Gavin: I GOT IT.

♪ I NEVER THOUGHT THAT IT"D BE

SO SIMPLE, BUT I FOUND A WAY,

I FOUND A WAY, IF YOU OPEN UP YOUR MIND ♪

♪ IT"S GONNA TAKE SOME TIME TO REALIZE,

BUT IF YOU LOOK INSIDE,

I "M SURE YOU" LL FIND, OVER YOUR SHOULDER,

YOU KNOW THAT I TOLD YOU

I"LL ALWAYS BE PICKING YOU UP

WHEN YOU"RE DOWN, SO JUST TURN AROUND ♪

SO JUST TURN AROUND ♪ ♪ OOH OOH OOOOOOOH ♪

Josh: WHAT?

Megan: SO, ARE YOU TWO, LIKE, DATING NOW?

Mindy: YEAH.

Josh: YES, WE ARE.

Megan: WHY?

Josh: I HAPPEN TO FIND MINDY.

VERY APPEALING.

Megan: OH, I UNDERSTAND THAT.

I "M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT"S

GONE WRONG IN HERHEAD.

Mindy: MEGAN, I KNOW IT"S HARD.

FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND, BUT I

THINK JOSH IS VERY SMART, FUNNY,

INTERESTING, AND CUTE.

Megan: DID YOU PUT SOMETHING IN HER FOOD?

Josh: ALL RIGHT, THAT"S IT! OUT!

Megan: WAIT. CAN I JUST TAKE A.

FEW PICTURES OF YOU FIRST?

Josh: SURE. WHAT FOR?

Megan: IT"S FOR A SCHOOL PAPER.

I"M WRITING ABOUT HOW FACIAL

HAIR MAKES SOME PEOPLE LOOK MORE

ATTRACTIVE.

Josh: OH.

Megan: AND HOW IT MAKES OTHERS.

LOOK MORE STUPID.

Josh: OUT! Megan: OOH, THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.

Josh: I AM SO TIRED OF HER AND.

DRAKE BUGGING ME ABOUT MY "STACHE."

Mindy: UH-HUH.

Josh: WHAT DOES "UH-HUH" MEAN?

Mindy: JUST UH-HUH.

Josh: NO, THAT WASN"T JUST AN.

UH-HUH UH-HUH. THAT WAS A UH-HUHUH-HUH.

Mindy: NO, NO.

Josh: YOU HATE MY "STACHE."

Mindy: OH, HATE IS A VERY.

STRONG... ACCURATE WORD.

Josh: MINDY...

Mindy: KIDDING. I WAS KIDDING. I.

LIKE IT. SERIOUSLY.

Josh: YOU DO?

Mindy: SURE. I"LL GIVE YOU 30.

BUCKS TO SHAVE IT OFF.

Josh: OH... Drake: HEY, JOSH.

Josh: AHEM.

Drake: YEAH?

Josh: MINDY"S HERE.

Drake: OH, RIGHT. I"LL CALL THE.

EXTERMINATOR.

Mindy: OH, WHAT"S THE MATTER,

DRAKE? YOU FEELING STRESSED

ABOUT HAVING A GIRLFRIEND?

Drake: TORI IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND.

Mindy: THAT"S NOT WHAT I HEAR.

Drake: YEAH, WELL, IT DOESN"T.

MATTER WHAT YOU HEAR BECAUSE I"M

GONNA BREAK UP WITH HER TOMORROW AT SCHOOL.

Josh: HOW COME?

Drake: YOU HEARD HER CALL ME HER.

BOYFRIEND. SOMETHING HAS TO BE

DONE. IN FACT, I"M JUST GONNA

BREAK UP WITH HER RIGHT NOW.

Mindy: YOU CAN"T END A.

RELATIONSHIP WITH A PHONE CALL.

Drake: DUH. I"M GONNA TEXT MESSAGE HER.

Josh: JUST TELL HER IN PERSON.

Drake: I CAN"T, MAN. I MEAN,

WHAT IF SHE "S A CRIER? I CAN"T

HANDLE IT WHEN A GIRL CRIES.

Mindy: SURE YOU CAN. YOU JUST NEED PRACTICE. DRAKE.

ALL RIGHT, NOW, JOSH, YOU BE

TORI. DRAKE, YOU BE YOU.

Josh: [WHINING] I WANTED TO BE DRAKE.

Mindy: TOO BAD. READY, SET, BREAK UP.

Drake: ALL RIGHT. UH, TORI?

Josh: [EXAGGERATED WHINY VOICE]

WHAT IS IT, DRAKE?

Drake: OK, I CAN"T DO THIS IF.

HE"S GONNA TALK LIKE THAT.

Josh: I"M BEING A GIRL.

Drake: WHAT GIRL HAS A.

MUSTACHE OTHER THAN YOUR GRANDMOTHER?

Josh: THAT TEARS IT! AAH!

Mindy: STOP IT! STOP IT!

STOP IT! STOP IT! ALL RIGHT? JUST DO THIS.

Drake: [SIGHS] TORI...

Josh: [HIGH VOICE] MM-HMM? Mindy: NOW TAKE HER HANDS.

Drake: NOW, I REALLY LIKE YOU.

I... Josh: [GIDDILY] OHHHH. HA HA.

Drake: BUT I THINK WE"RE GONNA.

HAVE TO BREAK UP.

[CRYING, SOBBING]

Drake: SEE, I CAN"T HANDLE THAT.

Mindy: JUST KEEP GOING. YOU CAN HANDLE IT.

Drake: I... I... LOOK, I JUST THINK

I NEED TO DATE OTHER PEOPLE.

AND YOU SHOULD, TOO.

Josh: WELL, I GUESS I UNDERSTAND.

Drake: UH, JUST ONE MORE THING.

Josh: YES?

Josh: SHAVE OFF THE MUSTACHE! Josh: OUT!

Drake: TORI?

Tori: OH, HEY, DRAKE.

Drake: UH, YOU GOT A SEC TO TALK?

TALK? Tori: YEAH, SURE.

Drake: [SIGHS] TORI...

Tori: YOU"RE BREAKING UP WITH ME?

Drake: OK, HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?

Tori: BECAUSE GUYS JUST DON"T.

GO, [SIGHS] "TORI," UNLESS

THEY"RE DUMPING YOU.

Drake: WELL, I WOULDN "T SAY I" M.

DUMPING YOU.

Tori: YOU"RE NOT DUMPING ME?

Drake: NO, I AM. I... I JUST.

WOULDN"T SAY IT.

Tori: LOOK, I GET IT. YOU WANT.

TO DATE OTHER PEOPLE.

Drake: WELL...

Tori: IT"S COOL. SERIOUSLY, NO.

HARD FEELINGS.

Drake: YOU ARE AWESOME. WANT TO.

MAKE OUT A LITTLE BIT?

Tori: I DON"T THINK SO.

SEE YOU LATER, DRAKE. HUG GOOD-BYE?

Man: WHASSUP? Josh: WHASSUP?

Mindy: HAPPY SATURDAY.

Josh: HEY, WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE PREMIERE?

Mindy: I JUST THOUGHT I"D BRING.

YOU A LITTLE LUNCH.

Josh: WHOA. HOW COOL ARE YOU?

LET"S SEE, WE GOT A LITTLE HAM

AND CHEESE ACTION. Mindy: CHEDDAR.

Josh: SOME APPLE WEDGES.

Mindy: WITH THE CARAMEL DIPPIN" SAUCE.

Josh: I SAY CARAMEL, BUT ALL.

RIGHT. JUICE BOX.

Mindy: WITH BENDY STRAW.

Josh: AND FOR DESSERT...

SHAVING CREAM AND A RAZOR.

YEAH, SO I"M GONNA SKIP DESSERT.

Mindy: COME ON, JOSH, JUST SHAVE IT OFF.

Josh: NO. ALL RIGHT, MY "STACHE."

HAS CHANGED MY WHOLE LIFE.

Mindy: HOW?

Josh: SEE THAT COOL-LOOKING GUY.

STANDING OVER THERE?

Mindy: YEAH.

Josh: 2 MINUTES AGO, HE WALKED.

RIGHT BY ME, SAW MY "STACHE,

SAID, ""SUP?"

Mindy: SO YOU LIKE THE MUSTACHE.

BECAUSE IT HELPS YOU MEET STRANGE MEN.

Josh: NO. IT JUST SORT OF UPS MY.

COOL "CAUSE..." CAUSE A GUY LIKE

THAT DOESN"T JUST GO WALKING

AROUND HANDING OUT "SUPS."

Mindy: RIGHT. OF COURSE NOT.

Josh: I APPRECIATE THE LUNCH,

BUT I GOTTA GET BACK TO WORK.

Mindy: OK. Josh: LATER.

Josh: WHAT?

Mindy: LOOK, I HATE TO DO THIS,

JOSH, BUT I AM NOT KISSING YOU

UNTIL YOU SHAVE OFF THAT MUSTACHE.

Josh: WELL, I "M NOT SHAVIN" MY.

"STACHE UNTIL YOU KISS ME."

Mindy: FINE.

Josh: FINE. BUT KNOW THIS, MINDY.

CRENSHAW. I WENT 15 YEARS

WITHOUT KISSING A GIRL. I COULD WAIT.

WAIT. Man: "SUP?"

Man: "SUP? Drake: I"LL CALL YOU.

HELLO.

Josh: WHAT ARE YOU SO GIDDY ABOUT?

ABOUT? A GIRL"S PHONE NUMBER?

"14 GIRLS" PHONE NUMBERS?

Drake: YUP. THERE"S A LOT OF.

CANDY OUT THERE, JOSH, AND YOU

ARE LOOKING AT MR. WILLY WONKA.

Josh: EX-GIRLFRIEND... 9 O"CLOCK.

OH, WOW.

Drake: YEAH, THERE"S TORI.

Josh: YEAH, BUT...

LOOK, SHE"S WITH ANOTHER GUY.

Drake: DOESN"T BOTHER ME.

Josh: REALLY? HE"S A PRETTY.

GOOD-LOOKING DUDE.

Drake: I GUESS, BUT IT STILL.

DOESN"T BOTHER ME.

Josh: HOW ABOUT THAT? Drake: YEAH, THAT BOTHERS ME.

Drake: JOSH, YOU"RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE...

Josh: BELIEVE WHAT?

Drake: WERE YOU JUST COMBING YOUR MUSTACHE?

Josh: NO.

Drake: SO WHAT"S IN YOUR HAND?

Josh: OOH, UH, IT"S JUST A COMB.

FOR, UH... FOR MY HAIR.

Drake: UH-HUH.

Josh: WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Drake: WOULD YOU LOOK AT TORI?

Josh: YEAH. SHE"S WITH THAT GUY AGAIN.

Drake: NO, THAT"S A DIFFERENT GUY.

Josh: WHAT"S YOUR PROBLEM?

YOU"RE THE ONE THAT BROKE UP WITH HER.

Drake: YEAH, I KNOW, BUT I.

JUST... I FEEL KIND OF WEIRD ABOUT THIS.

OH, HEY. SHE "S ALONE. I" M GONNA

GO TALK TO HER.

Josh: WHAT FOR?

Drake: TO GET BACK TOGETHER.

Josh: DRAKE, YOU DON"T GET BACK WITH A GIRL JUST BECAUSE YOU"RE.

JEALOUS OF HER NEW BOYFRIENDS.

Drake: YEAH, TRUE...

BUT I"M GONNA DO IT ANYWAY.

HELLO, TORI.

Tori: WHAT"S UP, DRAKE?

Drake: SO I"VE BEEN THINKING I.

MIGHT GET BACK TOGETHER WITH YOU.

Tori: I SEE, AND DO I HAVE ANY SAY IN THIS?

Drake: YEAH, YOU CAN SAY OK.

Tori: YEAH, I DON"T THINK SO, DRAKE.

Drake: BUT I"M DRAKE.

Tori: YES, BUT I"M HAVING A.

REALLY GOOD TIME DATING

DIFFERENT GUYS. YOU KNOW,

PLAYING THE FIELD.

Drake: I"M IN A BAND.

Tori: BYE, DRAKE.

Drake: JOSH, YOU"RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE WHAT JUST...

BELIEVE WHAT JUST... Mindy: JOSH?

Josh: I"M NOT SHAVING IT OFF.

Mindy: OK, JOSH.

YOU KNOW, IT"S BEEN ABOUT 2

WEEKS SINCE WE KISSED.

Josh: MINDY, I WAITED 15 YEARS,

15 LONG KISSLESS YEARS. YOU"LL

GIVE IN WAY BEFORE I DO.

Mindy: REALLY?

WHY, WHAT"S THIS?

OH, IT"S MY NEW LIP GLOSS. MMM.

APRICOT. DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL

OF APRICOTS, JOSH?

Josh: I SAY A-PRICOT.

Mindy: SMELL THE GLOSS, JOSH.

Josh: OH!

Mindy: TO KISS ME, ALL YOU GOTTA.

DO IS SHAVE.

Josh: NO! MM!

"Mindy: OK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Josh: RUNNIN" OFF MY DESIRES!

Drake: RUNNING OFF HIS DESIRES?

Mindy: YEAH.

Josh: [TAKES DEEP BREATH]

YEAH, THAT"S ENOUGH EXERCISE...

FOR THE YEAR.

[DRAKE SIGHS]

Mindy: WOW. BIG SIGH.

Drake: YEAH, I"VE SIGHED BIGGER.

Mindy: SO WHAT"S WRONG?

Drake: OK, YOU"RE KIND OF A GIRL, RIGHT?

Mindy: WELL, IF NOT, I"VE BEEN.

BUYING THE WRONG UNDERWEAR.

Drake: WELL, DO YOU KNOW THAT.

GIRL I WAS DATING?

Mindy: OHH, YES. JOSH TOLD ME.

THE WHOLE STORY. YOU DUMPED HER.

SHE "S DATING NEW GUYS. YOU" RE A

JEALOUS MESS.

Drake: SO HOW DO I GET HER BACK?

Mindy: DRAKE, YOU GOT JEALOUS.

WHEN YOU SAW HER ON A DATE.

Drake: RIGHT.

Mindy: SO TO MAKE HER JEALOUS, YOU...

Drake: PUT A STINK BOMB IN HER BACKPACK.

OR... Mindy: DO I HAVE TO SPELL THIS.

OUT FOR YOU?

Drake: WOULD YOU? Mindy: YOU DATE SOMEONE ELSE TO.

MAKE HER JEALOUS!

Drake: OH, RIGHT! AND WHERE DO I.

PUT THE STINK BOMB?

Mindy: I"LL TELL YOU WHERE TO PUT IT!

Josh: MINDY.

Mindy: UH, I"M GONNA GO GET A.

BOTTLE OF WATER.

Josh: MAKE THAT 2, PLEASE.

Mindy: HEY, MEGAN.

Megan: HEY.

Mindy: WHATCHA DOIN"?

Megan: CUTTING UP A PINEAPPLE.

Mindy: I SEE.

LISTEN, YOU WANT TO MAKE $30? Megan: KEEP TALKING.

[SHAVER BUZZES]

Drake: WHAT"S GOING ON?

[TURNS OFF SHAVER]

MEGAN?

Megan: HEY.

Drake: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN OUR ROOM?

Megan: I, UH... HA HA...

FORGOT TO GIVE JOSH A HUG GOOD

NIGHT. SWEET, SWEET JOSH. SLEEP

TIGHT, LITTLE BOOB. WELL, GOOD NIGHT.

Drake: JOSH, IS TORI HERE?

Josh: UM... UH, YEAH, SHE"S OVER.

THERE WITH ANOTHER GOOD-LOOKING GUY.

Drake: OH, GOOD, "CAUSE I GOT A."

HOT DATE COMING HERE ANY...

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OTHER HALF

OF YOUR MUSTACHE?

Josh: I JUST WOKE UP THIS.

MORNING AND IT WAS GONE.

Drake: WELL, THEN, WHY DON"T YOU.

SHAVE OFF THE OTHER HALF?

Josh: NO. ALL RIGHT, THAT"S JUST.

WHAT MINDY WANTS ME TO DO.

Drake: DUDE, IF YOU SHAVE IT.

OFF, SHE WILL KISS YOU.

Josh: WELL, THERE ARE MORE.

IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE THAN

KISSING GIRLS.

Drake: NAME 2.

Josh: I CAN"T!

Drake: IF YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR.

DUMB MUSTACHE, COME HERE.

Josh: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Drake: RE-STACHING YOU. Josh: OW!

DO I LOOK GOOD?

Drake: UH-HUH.

OOH! HERE COMES LIZA.

Josh: HOT LIZA?

Drake: THE HOTTEST. YOU THINK.

SHE"LL MAKE TORI JEALOUS, HUH?

Josh: HUH! HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH!

Liza: HEY, DRAKE.

Drake: HEY, LIZA.

YOU KNOW MY BROTHER JOSH.

Liza: SURE, HEY, JO... WHAT"S UP WITH HIS...

WHAT"S UP WITH HIS... Drake: UH, COME WITH ME.

Liza: AAH!

Drake: OHH! SORRY. UM... SORRY ABOUT THAT.

Liza: IT"S OK.

SO WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO ASK ME

OUT ALL OF A SUDDEN?

Drake: UH, YOU KNOW, I JUST.

WANTED TO GET TO KNOW YOU

BETTER. SO TELL ME ABOUT YOU.

Liza: UM, WELL, I"M A PEOPLE.

PERSON AND I LOVE ANIMALS.

Drake: THAT"S NICE. Liza: MY DAD"S IN THE MILITARY,

SO WHEN I WAS LITTLE, WE USED TO

MOVE FROM CITY...

TO CITY. AND THEN I MOVED TO

SAN DIEGO AND I GOT INTO TEEN MODELING...

BUT WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO IS

START ACTING AND MAYBE MOVE TO

L.A. ONE DAY.

[DRAKE GROANING AND BANGING]

Tori: DRAKE?

Drake: TORI? I DIDN"T KNOW YOU WERE HERE.

Tori: YEAH, I"M JUST HERE WITH.

MY FRIEND BRENT.

Drake: OH, THAT "S NICE. I" M JUST.

HERE WITH MY FRIEND HOT LIZA.

Liza: HUH?

Drake: SHE"S A TEEN MODEL, SHE.

LOVES ANIMALS, AND SHE"S IN THE MILITARY.

Liza: NO, MY DAD"S IN THE MILITARY.

Drake: SHH. I WAS JUST GONNA GO.

GET US SOMETHING TO DRINK.

Liza: ME, TOO. I"LL WALK WITH YOU.

Drake: YOU WANT ANYTHING?

Liza: OH, YEAH. CAN YOU GET ME A LARGE...

Drake: OH, THEY"RE OUT OF THAT.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF LIZA?

PRETTY HOT, HUH?

Tori: DRAKE, BY ANY CHANCE, DID.

YOU BRING LIZA HERE TO TRY AND

MAKE ME JEALOUS?

Drake: NO. I... I CARE DEEPLY ABOUT HER.

Tori: YEAH? WHAT"S HER LAST NAME?

Drake: OH, UH, JOHN... JAMBALAYA.

Tori: LIZA JAMBALAYA?

Drake: OK. [SIGHS] TORI...

Tori: YOU WANT TO GET BACK.

TOGETHER WITH ME?

Drake: HOW"D YOU KNOW?

Tori: BECAUSE GUYS DON"T JUST.

GO, [SIGHS] "TORI" UNLESS

THEY"RE BREAKING UP WITH YOU OR

THEY WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER

WITH YOU, AND YOU ALREADY DID

THE FIRST ONE.

Drake: WELL, DO YOU WANT TO GET.

BACK TOGETHER?

Tori: MAYBE. DO YOU?

Drake: MAYBE.

Tori: BUT I KIND OF FEEL BAD ABOUT BRENT.

Drake: OH, YEAH. UH... WAIT HERE.

BRENT, THIS IS LIZA. YOU LIKE HER?

Brent: UH, SURE.

Drake: COOL. SHE"S A PEOPLE.

PERSON, SHE LOVES ANIMALS, AND

HER DAD"S IN THE MILITARY.

Brent: REALLY? MY DAD"S IN THE.

MILITARY, TOO.

Liza: NO WAY.

Brent: COAST GUARD. Liza: NAVY!

Drake: OH, YOU KIDS HAVE FUN.

WE"RE GOOD TO GO. Tori: AWESOME.

Tori: AWESOME. Josh: "SUP?"

Josh: "SUP? Mindy: JOSH?"

JOSH?

Josh: I"M IN A MEETING.

Mindy: WOULD YOU COME OUT OF THERE?

OK. WHY DO YOU HAVE HALF A

MUSTACHE MADE OF MAGIC MARKER?

Josh: I WOKE UP YESTERDAY.

MORNING AND HALF MY MUSTACHE WAS JUST GONE.

Mindy: HALF?

THAT GIRL OWES ME 15 BUCKS.

Josh: HUH?

Mindy: NOTHING. GO ON.

Josh: SO THEN DRAKE SAID I LOOK.

STUPID SO HE FILLED IN THE

MISSING HALF WITH MAGIC MARKER.

BUT THEN I JUST DECIDED TO GET

RID OF THE WHOLE THING, SO I

SHAVED OFF THE HAIR HALF AND NOW

I CAN"T GET THE MAGIC MARKER HALF OFF.

Mindy: WELL, HERE.

YOU SHOULD AT LEAST BE SYMMETRICAL. THERE.

Josh: DO I LOOK GOOD?

Mindy: UH-HUH.

Josh: [SIGHS] THE POWER OF THE "STACHE."

Drake: YOU KNOW, I GOT TO TELL.

YOU, I HATE YOUR GIRLFRIEND, BUT

HER IDEA TO MAKE TORI JEALOUS

WAS REALLY SMART.

Josh: NOT THAT SMART. THEY"VE.

DONE IT ON EVERY SITCOM SINCE

1950s. SURE DO MISS KISSING HER, YOU KNOW?

Drake: YEAH, I MISS KISSING TORI.

[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL

[ CAPTIONING INSTITUTE. www.ncicap.org... ]