Original subtitles

OH, COME ON.

YOU KNOW I THINK YOU'RE AWESOME.

AW, COME ON. YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU.

OH, HEY, HEY, I GOT TO GO.

MAYBE I'll CALL YOU THIS WEEKEND.

I'll CALL YOU THIS WEEKEND, OK?

BYE, STEPHANIE.

BYE, GRANDMA.

I LOVE TALKING TO GIRLS.

I LOVE TALKING TO MY GRAMMY.

I JUST WISH IT WAS AS EASY

TO TALK TO FEMALES WHO AREN'T, YOU KNOW,

ELDERLY.

JOSH, ON THE OTHER HAND...

NOT SO SMOOTH WITH THE LADIES.

IT'S LIKE ME AND GIRLS

SPEAK DIFFERENT LANGUAGES.

THEY SPEAK ENGLISH, I SPEAK IDIOT.

I DON'T KNOW, BUT MY DAD ALWAYS SAYS...

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER

IS ALWAYS BE YOURSELF.

UNLESS YOU'RE JOSH.

[BELL RINGS]

AW, COME ON! GAAH!

EVERY STINKING DAY.

OPEN, YOU FREAKISH LOCKER.

EXCUSE ME. SORRY.THAT'S OK.

OH!

I'M OK.

OH! HI.

HI, KATHY.

SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE YOU.

OH, YOU DIDN'T SCARE ME.

I JUST AS... ZU-ZU-BE-SPOONS?

SPOONS?

YEAH. YEAH. DO YOU LIKE SPOONS?

I THINK THEY'RE VERY HELPFUL

WITH CEREAL AND SOUP.

HA HA HA! AND THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!

WELL, BYE.

SPOONS?

THE BEST I CAN COME UP WITH IS SPOONS?

OHH.

JOSH, WHAT'S WRONG?

SHE THINKS I'M AN IDIOT.

WHO? KATHY?

YES.

DID YOU SAY "SPOONS" AGAIN?

YES.

LOOK. DON'T FREAK OUT.

NEXT TIME, JUST TRY TO HAVE A CONVERSATION

THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE SILVERWARE.

[BELL RINGS]

I GOT TO GET TO CLASS. LATER.

BYE.

NO!

OH, MAN.

♪ WELL, I NEVER THOUGHT THAT IT'D BE SO SIMPLE, BUT ♪

♪ I FOUND A WAY, I FOUND A WAY ♪

♪ IF YOU OPEN UP YOUR MIND ♪

♪ SEE WHAT'S INSIDE ♪

♪ IT'S GONNA TAKE SOME TIME ♪

♪ TO REALIZE ♪

♪ REALIZE ♪

♪ BUT IF YOU LOOK INSIDE ♪

♪ I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND ♪

♪ OVER YOUR SHOULDER YOU KNOW ♪

♪ THAT I TOLD YOU I'll ALWAYS BE PICKING YOU UP ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE DOWN ♪

♪ SO JUST TURN AROUND ♪

♪ OOH ♪

EVERY TIME I EVEN THINK ABOUT HER,

I GET ALL SWEATY AND NAUSEOUS.

MMM. SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE IN LOVE.

OR YOU'VE EATEN SOME BAD SHRIMP.

DAD, BE SERIOUS.

SORRY. LOOK, SON,

YOU MAY FIND THIS HARD TO BELIEVE,

BUT I WASN'T ALWAYS SO SMOOTH WITH THE LADIES MYSELF.

REALLY?

REALLY. THE FIRST TIME HE ASKED ME OUT,

I SWEAR, HE ALMOST THREW UP.

THAT'S NOT ENTIRELY TRUE.

AFTER I ASKED YOU OUT, I DID THROW UP.

AH, BUT I THOUGHT THAT WAS BECAUSE OF THOSE BAD SHRIMP.

HEY, HEY, GUYS! I WAS JUST AT THE COFFEE SHOP.

THE BREW NOTE? CHECK IT OUT.

THEY'RE LOOKING FOR A BAND

TO PLAY THERE EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT.

DO YOU REALIZE HOW COOL THAT WOULD BE,

FOR MY BAND TO PLAY THERE EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT,

AT THE COFFEE SHOP?

UM, WHILE YOU WERE THERE,

DID YOU HAPPEN TO DRINK ANY COFFEE?

NO. A LITTLE. 6 CUPS. WHY DO YOU ASK?

MAYBE I SHOULD BUY HER A PRESENT.

SHE DID SAY SHE LIKED SPOONS.

WHAT, KATHY AGAIN?

YEAH. WE WERE JUST TALKING

ABOUT HOW TO HANDLE HIS LITTLE CRUSH.

IT'S NOT A CRUSH.

IT'S LOVE.

JOSH, IF YOU WANT ADVICE ON HOW TO APPROACH GIRLS,

YOU DON'T ASK OLD PEOPLE.

NO OFFENSE.

ROBERT!

COME OUT, COME OUT, WHEREVER YOU ARE.

MEGAN? WHAT?

WHY ARE YOU IN OUR ROOM?

I'M NOT.

YOU ARE TOO.

SO WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

MEGAN.

OK. I GOT A PET CAT, AND I KIND OF LOST IT.

YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO CATS.

OK, I DIDN'T GET A CAT.

GOOD.

I GOT A SNAKE.

EVIL!

YOU LOST A SNAKE IN OUR ROOM?

Dad: SNAKE!

[CRASH]

I THINK I JUST FOUND HIM.

OH, ROBERT, HERE I COME.

DON'T SWALLOW DADDY.

WHO NAMES A SNAKE "ROBERT"?

WHO CARES? WE NEED TO TALK

ABOUT THIS KATHY SITUATION.

IT'S GONNA MAKE ME LOOK BAD

IF MY STEP-BROTHER IS A DORK WITH GIRLS.

SO HOW DO WE DE-DORKIFY ME?

OK. YOU PRETEND I'M KATHY.

YOU LOOK NOTHING LIKE KATHY.

SO USE YOUR IMAGINATION.

OOH. I KNOW.

HOLD THIS PICTURE OF KATHY UP IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE.

DID YOU DRAW THIS?

I DOODLED IT.

THIS IS REALLY GOOD.

THANKS. THAT'S NOT EVEN MY BEST ONE.

I HAVE DOZENS. CHECK OUT MY WATERCOLORS.

OK, THAT'S CREEPY.

LET'S JUST TRY THIS, OK?

COME HERE, JOSHY. GIVE ME A KISS.

COME ON, BABY, GIVE ME SOME SUGAR.

OH, FORGET IT. THIS IS HOPELESS.

COME ON. YOU CAN TALK TO A GIRL YOU LIKE.

NO, YOU CAN TALK TO A GIRL YOU LIKE.

HOW DO YOU DO IT?

I DON'T KNOW.

I GUESS I JUST TALK ABOUT STUFF I KNOW.

YOU KNOW? I MEAN, I PLAY GUITAR, RIGHT?

I MEAN, THAT'S SOMETHING I DO

THAT GIRLS THINK IS REALLY COOL.

YOU MUST DO SOMETHING COOL, RIGHT?

I'M NOT COOL, OK?

WHY DO YOU THINK OLD PEOPLE LOVE ME SO MUCH?

ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO?

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE DRAKE PARKER CRASH COURSE

IN HOW TO APPROACH GIRLS.

I'll GET A PEN AND SOME DOODLE PAPER.

SO, HOW DO YOU FEEL?

I FEEL COOL. SAY IT AGAIN.

I FEEL COO-EL.

YEAH. DON'T SAY IT LIKE THAT.

ALL RIGHT. LET'S PRACTICE THIS ONE MORE TIME.

THAT ORANGE IS KATHY.

CAN WE USE AN APPLE? ORANGES GIVE ME THE ACID REFLUX.

THERE. THE APPLE IS KATHY.

NOW TALK ABOUT HER EYES.

HELLO, KATHY.

YOUR EYES ARE LIKE TWO CRYSTAL CLEAR POOLS OF BLUE.

EXCELLENT. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SPORT?

CHECKERS. JOSH.

FOOTBALL. FOOTBALL BECAUSE FOOTBALL IS MANLY

AND I'M ALL MAN.

HEY, GUYS.

AAH!

WHAT A MAN. CAN'T YOU KEEP THAT THING IN ITS CAGE?

NO. MOM SAYS I HAVE TO TAKE HIM BACK TO THE PET STORE.

YOUR DAD'S SCARED OF HIM.

OH, WELL, EXCUSE MY DAD

FOR NOT ENJOYING YOUR SLITHERING BEAST OF DEATH!

Drake: OK. COMPLIMENT HER HANDS.

HER HANDS. YOUR HANDS ARE BEAUTIFUL.

THEY COULD BREAK THROUGH 3 BOARDS.

NO. SHE DOESN'T HAVE STRONG HANDS.

[BELL RINGS]

THERE SHE IS.

JUST WAITING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU.

OH, I AM READY FOR THAT!

GOOD. OK. I GOT TO GO MEET MY BAND FOR THE AUDITIONS.

OH, YEAH. GOOD LUCK.

GOOD LUCK WITH KATHY.

AND DON'T BE NERVOUS. SHE'S JUST A PERSON.

I MEAN, GIRLS ARE JUST GUYS WITHOUT...

JUST DO GOOD.

AND REMEMBER, SMOOTH.

SMOOTH.

UH, HI, KATHY.

HI. JOSH, RIGHT?

YEAH. AND I... I COULDN'T HELP NOTICING

THAT YOUR EYES ARE LIKE TWO CRYSTAL CLEAR POOLS OF BLUE.

MY EYES ARE BROWN.

OH. UH... WH... I KNOW. I KNOW.

THEY'RE LIKE TWO CRYSTAL CLEAR POOLS OF... OF... OF MUD.

WOW. THANK YOU.

I... I... I SEE YOU HAVE A FLUTE.

OH, YEAH. IT'S A RECORDER.

♪

I HAD TO LEARN TO PLAY SOMETHING FOR MUSIC APPRECIATION,

AND, WELL, YOU KNOW, A TUBA WON'T FIT IN MY BACKPACK.

HA HA HA HA!

THAT IS FU-UH-UH-NY!

WOW. YEAH.

DO YOU PLAY ANYTHING?

CHECKERS. WHAT?

GUITAR. I MEAN GUITAR.

COOL.

HEY, I'M HAVING A BIRTHDAY PARTY THIS SATURDAY NIGHT.

YOU WANT TO COME?

[SQUEAK]

I MEAN, THAT WOULD BE AWESOME.

COOL.

HERE.

YOU'RE HAVING IT AT THE BREW NOTE?

YEAH. MY DAD'S FRIEND OWNS THAT PLACE.

SHOULD BE A REALLY FUN PARTY.

YEAH, IT WILL.

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT PRESENT I'M GONNA GET YOU.

NOW, WHAT SIZE SOCK DO YOU WEAR?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BUY ME A PRESENT.

BUT YOU HAVE TO BRING YOUR GUITAR

AND PLAY ME A SONG.

SEE YA.

OH, UH... OH, WOULDN'T YOU RATHER HAVE

SOMETHING LESS MUSICAL, MORE... MORE SOCKLIKE?

OR A SPOON? YOU LIKE SPOONS.

NEXT AUDITION IS DRAKE.

WHERE'S DRAKE?

OH, HEY, HEY. I'M... WHOA.

WHAT? IS THERE A BUG ON MY FACE?

GET IT OFF!

NO, NO.

YOU'RE THE GUY THAT TAUGHT MY BROTHER KARATE.

REMEMBER? JOSH?

YEAH. HE WAS VERY, VERY BAD.

RIGHT. ANYWAY,

I'M HERE TO AUDITION WITH MY BAND.

HI. HEY.

WHEN SHOULD WE... SHA!

LESS TALK, MORE THIS, HUH?

OK. YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I PLAY DRUMS.

YOU DO THAT.

OK, HERE WE GO.

OH, MY PICK.

BACKPACK.

OH, RIGHT.

[BAND WARMING UP]

OK. THIS IS A SONG I WROTE CALLED "I FOUND A WAY."

1, 2, 3, 4.

♪ WELL, I NEVER THOUGHT THAT IT'D BE SO SIMPLE, BUT ♪

♪ I FOUND A WAY, I FOUND A WAY ♪

♪ AND I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT IT'D BE TOO CRAZY, BUT ♪

♪ I FOUND A WAY, I FOUND A WAY ♪

♪ IF YOU OPEN UP YOUR MIND ♪

♪ SEE WHAT'S INSIDE ♪

♪ IT'S GONNA TAKE SOME TIME TO REALIZE ♪

♪ OOH ♪

♪ OVER YOUR SHOULDER... ♪

AAH! SNAKE!

[SCREAMING]

AAH! AAH! AAH!

[SCREAMING]

WHAT WAS THAT? ARE YOU KIDS OUT OF YOUR MINDS?

I'M SORRY. I... I DON'T KNOW HOW...

GET OUT! ALL OF YOU!

NEVER COME BACK TO MY PLACE OF MUSIC AND COFFEE AGAIN!

GET OUT!

♪ @♪$ñ! ♪

$%X♪♪!& ♪

OH, THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK HOME SO SOON?

DIDN'T YOU GET A CHANCE TO AUDITION?

OH, WE AUDITIONED. IT WAS A TRAIN WRECK.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YOU GUYS ROCK.

NOT WHEN A 3-FOOT SNAKE SLITHERS OUT OF MY BACKPACK

AND OVER MY SHOULDER IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR SONG.

MEGAN!

YUP. ME AND MY BAND ARE NO LONGER WELCOME AT THE BREW NOTE.

YOUR BAND'S BEEN BANNED?

FOR LIFE. OH, AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS.

THE GUY WHO TAUGHT YOU KARATE OWNS THAT PLACE.

AH, DRAKE. I'M IN BIG TROUBLE.

I TOLD KATHY I KNOW HOW TO PLAY THE GUITAR.

AND WHY LIE TO HER?

I DON'T KNOW. IT JUST POPPED OUT OF ME

LIKE SOME KIND OF HIDEOUS PIMPLE.

OH. WELL, THANK YOU FOR THAT PUSSIE VISUAL.

JUST HELP ME.

OK, CALM DOWN.

SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO KNOW YOU LIED TO HER.

SHE EXPECTS ME TO PLAY HER A SONG

AT HER BIRTHDAY PARTY ON SATURDAY NIGHT.

NO PROBLEM.

YES PROBLEM.

JOSH, DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY SONGS ARE JUST 3 SIMPLE CHORDS?

I COULD TEACH YOU 3 CHORDS BY SATURDAY.

YOU CAN?

SURE. I COULD TEACH A MONKEY 3 CHORDS BY SATURDAY.

UNBELIEVABLE!

YOU BROKE EVERY STRING.

BETTER CALL A MONKEY!

THERE ARE PEOPLE WITHOUT ARMS

THAT LEARN TO PLAY THE GUITAR

WITH THEIR FEET!

OH, THIS WHOLE THING IS MY FAULT FOR LYING.

I'M JUST GONNA TELL KATHY THE TRUTH

AND LET HER BEGIN HER LIFELONG HATRED OF ME.

YOU CAN'T TELL HER THE TRUTH.

I CAN'T GO ON LIVING A LIE!

LOOK, DO YOU WANT TO BE HONEST,

OR DO YOU WANT A GIRLFRIEND?

GIRLFRIEND, PLEASE.

OK. I THINK I HAVE A PLAN.

WHERE'S KATHY'S PARTY GONNA BE?

THE BREW NOTE.

YEAH. THIS DAY JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER.

ALL CLEAR.

OK.

YOU GO SAY HI TO KATHY.

WAIT. HOW ARE YOU GONNA GET BACKSTAGE?

THERE'S A BACK DOOR IN THE ALLEY.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.

JUST STICK TO THE PLAN, AND KATHY WILL BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND

BEFORE THE NIGHT'S OVER.

I'M STICKING.

UH, HI, KATHY.

OH, JOSH, HI!

COME HERE.

EVERYBODY, THIS IS JOSH.

HE'S GONNA PLAY A SONG JUST FOR MY BIRTHDAY. RIGHT?

OH, YOU'RE GONNA HEAR A SONG.

OH, AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?

MY DAD'S FRIEND, THE OWNER...

HE'S STILL LOOKING FOR A MUSICIAN TO PLAY HERE EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT.

ISN'T HE STILL HAVING OPEN AUDITIONS?

NO. HE CANCELLED THOSE AFTER SOME IDIOT

THREW A LIVE SNAKE TO THE AUDIENCE.

HA. WHAT A FREAK.

YEAH. WELL, DO YOU WANT TO GET SET UP ONSTAGE?

UH, SOUNDS GREAT.

WHAT SONG ARE YOU GONNA PLAY?

WHY DON'T WE ALL BE SURPRISED?

OH, HEY, HERE.

I'M NERVOUS.

DON'T BE. JUST PUT ON THE JACKET.

OK.

UH, YOU KNOW, GREEN ISN'T A GREAT COLOR ON ME.

COME HERE.

OW!

HEADACHES! YOU GIVE ME HEADACHES!

JUST PUT ON THE JACKET.

Kathy: EVERYBODY...

EVERYBODY. EVERYBODY, MY FRIEND JOSH

IS A REALLY TALENTED MUSICIAN,

AND HE'S GOING TO PLAY ME A SPECIAL SONG FOR MY BIRTHDAY.

SO GIVE IT UP FOR JOSH!

WHOO HOO! WHOO HOO!

HEH HEH HEH!

AH.

HI, JOSH.

WAVE.

OH, OK.

HA HA! HOW ARE YOU?

UH, THAT'S ENOUGH.

OW! OW!

I, UH, I, UH, I ALWAYS SLAP MYSELF IN THE FACE

TO WARM UP BEFORE I PLAY.

OW! OW! OW! OW!

OK, I THINK I'M WARMED UP.

UH... UM...

I WILL NOW PLAY A SONG FOR KATHY

CALLED, UH... I DON'T KNOW. HA HA!

TRYING TO THINK OF THE NAME HERE,

THE NAME OF THE SONG.

STILL THINKING. I DON'T KNOW.

UH, HA HA!

IT DOESN'T HAVE A NAME. I JUST WROTE IT.

UH, WELL, IT'S... IT'S CALLED "THE KATHY SONG."

YEAH!

WOO! WOO!

UM, UH, UH, I WILL NOW START TO PLAY.

NOW.

WOO! WOO!

THANK YOU. THANK YOU ONE AND ALL.

PEACE OUT.

JOSH, WAIT. YOU'RE AMAZING.

I WANT TO INTRODUCE YOU TO THE OWNER.

OH, UH, I DON'T THINK THAT'S NECESSARY.

I GOT TO GO.

BUT IT'S MY BIRTHDAY PARTY. YOU CAN'T LEAVE YET.

COME ON! OH! OH! OH!

OH!

THEY'RE CONJOINED!

WHOA!

YOU! I THOUGHT I BANNED YOU AND YOUR BAND!

KATHY, I CAN EXPLAIN.

RUN! I'M RUNNING!

OH, COULD YOU JUST GO?

[BELL RINGS]

MAN, THERE SHE IS.

COME ON. YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM HER FOREVER.

JUST GET THIS OVER WITH.

NO. NO.

UH... UH, HI, KATHY.

OH, HI, JOSH.

OR IS YOUR NAME REALLY JOSH?

BECAUSE IT'S KIND OF HARD TO KNOW WHEN YOU'RE TELLING THE TRUTH.

LOOK, I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE.

JOSH, I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY,

BUT I'M NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN BEING FRIENDS

OR ANYTHING ELSE WITH SOMEONE WHO THINKS

THEY HAVE TO LIE TO IMPRESS ME.

"FROM JOSH." WHAT'S THIS?

OH... OH... OH... UH, A SURPRISE?

A BIRTHDAY PRESENT.

WHEN DID YOU GET...

WHY DON'T I LEAVE YOU TWO KIDS ALONE?

IT'S... IT'S AMAZING. WHERE DID YOU GET IT?

ACTUALLY, I... I PAINTED IT.

YOU PAINTED THIS?

JOSH, IF YOU CAN PAINT LIKE THIS,

THEN WHY WOULD YOU LIE TO ME ABOUT PLAYING THE GUITAR?

BECAUSE YOU'RE SMART AND PRETTY...

AND IF YOU HAD ANY IDEA HOW TERRIFYING IT IS

FOR A GUY LIKE ME TO TALK TO A GIRL LIKE YOU,

THEN YOU'D UNDERSTAND WHY I SAY THE WRONG THINGS

ALL THE TIME.

YOU JUST SAID THE RIGHT THING THIS TIME.

WAIT A MINUTE.

HOW DO I KNOW THAT YOU REALLY PAINTED THIS?

I'VE GOT A WHOLE NOTEBOOK FULL OF THEM.

MAYBE I COULD S-SHOW YOU SOMETIME.

WOULD NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT BE COOL?

UH, YEAH, IT WOULD.

COOL.

HEY. HEY, KATHY?

UM, YOU KNOW, DRAKE'S THE ONE

WHO PLAYED THE SONG THAT YOU REALLY LOVED,

AND HE'S AN AWESOME MUSICIAN.

SO DO YOU THINK THAT MAYBE YOU COULD

TALK TO YOUR DAD'S FRIEND

ABOUT GETTING HIM ANOTHER CHANCE TO PLAY AT THE BREW NOTE?

I THINK I CAN GET DRAKE ANOTHER SHOT.

OH, I ALMOST FORGOT.

YOU LEFT YOUR JACKET AT THE COFFEE SHOP.

YOU MUST HAVE DROPPED IT WHEN YOU RAN OUT SCREAMING.

THANKS.

[BELL RINGS]

SEE YOU IN CLASS?

YEAH, YOU WILL.

[GIGGLES]

NOW, THAT WAS SMOOTH.

HEY, HOW DID YOU GET MY PAINTING INTO HER LOCKER?

MEGAN'S LOCK-PICKING KIT.

YOU'RE THE BEST, YOU KNOW THAT?

YES, I KNOW.

OH, AND GUESS WHAT. WHAT?

KATHY SAID SHE'LL TALK TO HER DAD'S FRIEND

ABOUT GETTING YOUR BAND ANOTHER CHANCE

AT THE BREW NOTE.

SERIOUS? YEAH!

OK. IT'S OFFICIAL.

I'M NOT THE BEST. YOU ARE.

I TRY.

[GIGGLING]

WHAT?

WHAT'S WRONG?

SNAAAKE! 3 F1 3 F1