Original subtitles

SO, MY NEW STEPBROTHER SITUATION WITH DRAKE

IS WORKING OUT PRETTY WELL.

LIVING WITH JOSH ISN'T SO BAD.

BUT HE HAS GOT TO STOP CLIPPING HIS TOENAILS ON MY BED.

DRAKE'S BED SURE IS COMFORTABLE.

BYE-BYE, TOENAIL!

ANYWAY, MY BAND IS DOING GREAT.

WE'RE PLAYING TONIGHT AT THIS REALLY COOL PLACE,

WHICH IS WHY I WROTE THIS NEW SONG.

IT KIND OF GOES... ♪ BA-DA, DUH-DA ♪

♪ BA DA DA DA BA-DA-LOO ♪

SOUNDS BETTER ON GUITAR.

DRAKE'S ALWAYS REHEARSING WITH HIS BAND

DOWNSTAIRS IN THE GARAGE.

THEY'RE REALLY GOOD BUT KIND OF LOUD.

IT MAKES IT HARD TO STUDY UP HERE SOMETIMES.

BUT MOSTLY...

Together: I KIND OF LIKE HAVING A NEW STEPBROTHER.

I GUESS I JUST WISH THAT JOSH WOULD LOOSEN UP AND HAVE A LITTLE MORE FUN.

DRAKE'S REALLY SMART, BUT HE'S ALL ABOUT HAVING FUN.

FUN, FUN, FUN.

IT WOULDN'T KILL HIM TO BE A LITTLE MORE RESPONSIBLE.

OH! GROSS! OH! GROSS!

[BUZZING]

JOSH!

JOSH!

I'M WORKING ON A SONG HERE!

DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE ALL THAT NOISE?

DUDE, I CAN'T CONCENTRATE.

[YELLING] I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

I'M WEARING EAR PLUGS!

OH.

AH... OW-OW!

DUDE, CAN'T YOU BUILD YOUR MECHANICAL DORK MACHINE SOMEWHERE ELSE?

IT'S NOT A DORK MACHINE.

IT'S A 1/8 SCALE WORKING REPLICA OF A MEDIEVAL CATAPULT.

SO? SO...

WHEN I'M DONE, THIS BABY'S GONNA BE ABLE TO FLING STUFF

OVER 50 FEET THROUGH THE AIR.

IMPRESSIVE.

OH, HEY-HEY!

WHY DON'T YOU CLIMB IN AND FLING YOURSELF OUT OF MY ROOM?

BUT THIS IS MY ROOM.

IT WAS MY ROOM FIRST.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. LET'S COMPROMISE. WE COULD...

I WAS JUST GONNA SAY THAT...

BUT I JUST WANTED...

HEADACHES!

♪ I NEVER THOUGHT THAT IT'D BE SO SIMPLE ♪

♪ BUT I FOUND A WAY, I FOUND A WAY ♪

♪ IF YOU OPEN UP YOUR MIND ♪

♪ AND SEE WHAT'S INSIDE ♪

♪ IT'S GONNA TAKE SOME TIME TO REALIZE ♪

♪ OOH, YEAH ♪

♪ BUT IF YOU LOOK INSIDE I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND ♪

♪ OOH, YEAH ♪

♪ OVER YOUR SHOULDER YOU KNOW THAT I TOLD YOU ♪

♪ I'll ALWAYS BE PICKING YOU UP WHEN YOU'RE DOWN ♪

♪ SO JUST TURN AROUND ♪

♪ OH, OH, OH ♪

Woman: JOSH!

JOSH, PLEASE, TURN THAT OFF.

YOUR DAD'S ON THE PHONE IN THE KITCHEN.

HI, MOM... OHH!

YOU LOOK PRETTY. OH, THANK YOU, BABY.

WE'RE GOING OUT TO DINNER WITH YOUR FATHER'S BOSS.

NO, WE'RE NOT.

THAT WAS MR. GALLOWAY ON THE PHONE.

WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL, THEIR BABY-SITTER CANCELED ON THEM,

SO HE CANCELED ON US.

I'M NEVER GONNA GET THAT PROMOTION.

OH, I'M SORRY, BABY.

I REALLY WANTED TO WOW HIM AT DINNER.

YOU KNOW, DRAKE AND I COULD BABY-SIT FOR YOUR BOSS.

WHAT?! BABY-SIT? WHAT?!

OH, GUYS, I SO APPRECIATE THIS.

BUT MY BAND IS PLAYING TONIGHT AT...

I'll CALL MR. GALLOWAY.

YOU GO FINISH DOING YOUR HAIR.

MY HAIR IS FINISHED.

I KNOW.

I'll GO CALL THE GALLOWAYS.

BABY-SITTING?!

HOW COULD YOU VOLUNTEER US TO BABY-SIT?

BECAUSE THIS DINNER'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO MY DAD.

HE'S TRYING TO GET A PROMOTION.

YEAH, WELL, MY BAND'S SHOW TONIGHT IS

JUST AS IMPORTANT AS YOUR DAD'S DINNER.

HEY, HE'S YOUR DAD NOW, TOO, YOU KNOW.

WHATEVER.

COME ON. IT'S JUST A LITTLE BABY.

BIG DEAL.

I DON'T KNOW.

I SAW THIS MOVIE ONCE ABOUT A "BABY ALLIGATOR,"

WHERE HE, LIKE, GREW UP AND ATE EVERYBODY.

NOBODY'S TALKING ABOUT AN ALLIGATOR.

WELL, MAYBE SOMEBODY HAD BETTER START BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

[DOORBELL CHIMES] Dad: DRAKE! JOSH!

THE GALLOWAYS ARE HERE.

COME ON, DRAKE. LET'S GO MEET THE BABY.

I'll BE RIGHT BACK.

I WILL HELP YOU UNTIL I HAVE TO LEAVE WITH MY BAND.

AFTER THAT, THE BABY IS YOUR PROBLEM.

JUST GRAB THE TAIL AND AVOID THE JAWS,

AND YOU SHOULD BE OK.

OH, LOOK AT HIM SLEEPING.

SUCH A LITTLE ANGEL.

OH, THANK YOU.

NOW, HE SHOULD SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT,

BUT IN CASE HE DOESN'T, ALL YOU'LL NEED IS THIS.

GREAT. SEE, ALL WE NEED... AND THIS.

OH, AND MAYBE...

SOME OF... UHH! THESE.

THIS ONE'S HIS FAVORITE.

[WINDS TOY]

♪ I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE RAILROAD ♪

♪ ALL THE LIVE-LONG DAY ♪

THIS ONE ALWAYS PUTS HIM RIGHT TO SLEEP.

COME ON, DARLING. I THINK THE BOYS CAN HANDLE IT.

OF COURSE WE CAN. OH, YEAH.

YOU SHOULD GO.

AFTER YOU.

Dad: PROMISE ME YOU'LL TAKE EXTRA-SPECIAL CARE OF LITTLE MAX.

Drake: NO PROBLEM. IT'S UNDER CONTROL. DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING.

WELL, SEE YA. WAIT!

WHERE ARE YOU GOING? YOU SAID YOU'D HELP ME.

HELP YOU WHAT? HE'S SOUND ASLEEP.

WHAT IF HE WAKES UP?

SHE SAID HE'S GONNA SLEEP THROUGH THE WHOLE NIGHT.

YOU'LL BE FINE.

[TELEPHONE RINGS] [BABY CRIES]

OH, NO WAY. GET THAT, WOULD YOU?

ANSWER IT!

IT'S STUCK. PULL IT.

I'M PULLING IT!

PULL! I'M PULLING!

COME ON!

[BABY CRYING]

OH, THE BABY.

OH, THE FISHES.

COME ON. [CRYING]

[CRYING]

OW!

GIVE ME!

[SQUEAK]

[SQUEAK]

[SQUEAK]

[BABY CRYING]

[BABY CRYING]

DRAKE, WE GO ON STAGE IN 2 HOURS.

CAN WE PLEASE GET IN SOME REHEARSAL?

DO YOU NOT HEAR THIS?

WE CAN'T MAKE IT STOP.

WELL, MAYBE HIS DIAPER'S, YOU KNOW, "FILLED."

THAT ALWAYS MAKES ME CRY.

DRAKE, CHECK THE DIAPER.

OH, YEAH. THAT'LL HAPPEN. COME ON.

JUST PEEK IN THERE AND TELL ME IF THERE'S ANY... ITEMS.

I AM NOT LOOKING IN THERE.

THEN JUST SNIFF IT.

I... I DO NOT SNIFF BABY BUTT.

I WANT TO SNIFF IT!

GO FOR IT.

[BABY CRYING]

WELL?

IT'S NOT BAD.

REALLY?

OH! OH, THAT IS THE WORST THING I'VE EVER SMELLED.

OH! THAT! YEAH, THAT REEKS.

OH, COME ON. HOW BAD CAN IT BE?

[WHIMPERS]

JOSH?

JOSH.

[BABY CRYING] ECH! ECH!

THERE! THERE, THERE. HE'S DONE.

NOW ALL WE NEED IS A DIAPER... OHH! WHOA!

[SCREAMING]

GRAB SOMETHING! THE DIAPERS.

OHH! OHH!

AAH!

BAAH! THIS ONE'S MOIST.

EW! GET ME ANOTHER ONE.

I THINK THAT WAS THE LAST ONE.

AH, GREAT!

WE GOT A NAKED BABY AND NO DIAPERS.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA USE?

[CRYING]

HA HA! AND THERE WE GO.

ALL RIGHT. THAT BABY COULD NOT LOOK STUPIDER.

YOU INSULTED HIM. YOU SEE WHAT YOU DO?

JUST MAKE IT STOP. HOW?

THE BEAR. WHERE'S THE SINGING BEAR?

THE ONE THAT PUTS HIM TO SLEEP?

I DON'T KNOW. OH. LOOK IN THERE.

AH! GOT IT.

♪ I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE... ♪

HURRY! WIND IT AGAIN!

I SAID WIND IT NOT MURDER IT!

OH! OH! NOW WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

♪ I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE RAILROAD ♪

♪ JUST TO PASS THE TIME AWAY ♪

♪ CAN'T YOU HEAR THE WHISTLE BLOWING? ♪

♪ RISE SO EARLY IN THE MORN ♪

♪ CAN'T YOU HEAR THE CAPTAIN SHOUTING ♪

♪ "DINAH, BLOW YOUR HORN?" ♪

♪ I SAID, DINAH WON'T YOU BLOW? ♪

♪ DINAH, WON'T YOU BLOW? ♪

♪ DINAH, WON'T YOU BLOW YOUR HORN? ♪

[SOFTLY] ♪ DINAH, BLOW YOUR HORN ♪

FINALLY.

[WHISPERING] Yeah. Ok.

I'm gonna go finish my catapult.

[CAR HORN HONKS]

Oh, that's Scotty. I got to go to the gig.

WAIT, DRAKE.

YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THE BABY.

YOU'LL BE FINE. HE'S ASLEEP.

AND NEXT TIME, DON'T VOLUNTEER US TO BABY-SIT.

WHAT IF HE WAKES UP AND STARTS CRYING AGAIN?

I CAN'T PLAY THE GUITAR.

[HONK, HONK]

YOU'LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.

LATER.

DRAKE, WAIT, I...

NEED YOU.

[CAR DOOR SHUTS, CAR DRIVES AWAY]

OK. OK. HE'S RIGHT.

I CAN DO THIS.

EVERYTHING... EVERYTHING'S UNDER CONTROL.

THE CRYING HAS STOPPED,

MY CATAPULT'S ALMOST DONE, THE BABY'S GONE.

THE BABY'S GONE!

HERE, BABY, BABY, BABY!

OH! HERE, MAX! WHERE ARE YOU?

[SOBBING]

OH, THIS IS SO BAD.

WAIT, I CAN HEAR IT CRYING.

OH, IT'S JUST ME.

OHH... OH! I'll CHECK THE GARAGE.

HERE, BABY, BABY!

MAX, YOU IN HERE?

OHH... OH, HOW AM I GONNA FIND HIM?

OOH! I KNOW!

MARCO!

MARCO!

COME ON, MAX. YOU KNOW HOW THIS WORKS.

SAY "POLO!"

WHAT AM I THINKING?

BABIES DON'T SWIM!

I NEED HELP.

GOTTA CALL DRAKE.

YOUR BAND GOES ON IN ABOUT 20 MINUTES.

COOL. THANKS. COOL, MAN. THANKS.

I'M GONNA GO SET UP. ALL RIGHT.

DRAKE?

[SNIFFS]

WHY DO YOU SMELL LIKE A DIRTY DIAPER?

BECAUSE I ACTUALLY CHANGED ONE.

UNLIKE YOU, WHO JUST LEFT US ALONE.

OH. LIKE THE WAY YOU LEFT JOSH ALL ALONE TO COME HERE?

OH, THAT'S COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

BECAUSE HE'S THE ONE THAT... AND I DIDN'T HAVE TO BE...

YOU AND... BE QUIET.

DRAKE, PICK UP, PICK UP, PICK UP!

OH, PLEASE ANSWER.

Drake: HEY, DRAKE PARKER... OH, WITH THE VOICEMAIL!

[BEEP]

DRAKE, I CAN'T DO THIS BY MYSELF.

I'M RUNNING ALL OVER THE HOUSE.

THE BABY WON'T SAY, "POLO."

AND I THINK MAYBE... [THUD]

WHAT WAS THAT?

DRAKE, CALL ME!

BABY!

HEH. OH! HA!

IT WAS JUST MY CATAPULT.

WITH THE BABY'S CURTAIN DIAPER ON IT.

NO. HA! NO. NO, NO, NO.

MY CATAPULT COULDN'T FLING THE BABY.

HA HA! NO.

NO WAY. HEH.

NO!

OHH!

OH, I FLUNG THE BABY.

HI, DRAKE.

WE CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR YOU GUYS PLAY TONIGHT.

REALLY? TOTALLY!

YOUR BAND ROCKS!

WELL, WE DO IT ALL FOR THE FANS.

SO, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING AFTER THE SHOW?

[SNIFF, SNIFF]

DO YOU SMELL... DIRTY DIAPERS?

UH, UH... YEAH, YEAH. THAT'S OUR GUITAR PLAYER PAUL.

HE HAS "ISSUES."

EW!

OH, YEAH.

OH! OH!

WHERE ARE YOU, MAX?

HUH. THE FOOTBALL LANDED ON THE ROOF.

I WONDER IF... THE BABY'S ON THE ROOF?!

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

DRAKE, YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS,

BUT THE BABY... IS JUST FINE, MS. GALLOWAY.

OH, YES, MA'AM. MAX IS RIGHT... HERE.

YOU WANT TO TALK TO HIM?

UH, HE'S KIND OF BUSY RIGHT NOW.

CAN I TAKE A MESSAGE?

NO?

OK. H-HERE HE IS.

GOO-GOO, GAH-GAH!

AW, HE SOUNDS SO HAPPY.

HELLO, LITTLE MAXIE.

HI!

MAMA!

HE SAID, "MAMA!"

THAT'S HIS FIRST WORD!

OH, MAX! OH, SAY IT AGAIN!

MAMA!

OH! OH!

OH, MAX.

OH, OH, OH. I'M SO EXCITED!

OH, LET'S GO. I SHOULD BE THERE FOR THIS.

GET MY PURSE, BOB.

GET MY PURSE, BOB!

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

HEY, I GOT A VOICEMAIL. ONE SEC.

I'll SEE YOU ONSTAGE.

Josh: DRAKE, I CAN'T DO THIS BY MYSELF!

I'M RUNNING ALL OVER THE HOUSE.

THE BABY WON'T SAY, "POLO."

DRAKE, YOUR BAND'S ON NEXT.

YEAH, MAN. GET IN HERE.

ALL RIGHT. I'll BE THERE IN A SEC.

Josh: OH, DRAKE, CALL ME!

HANG IN THERE, MAX!

JUST STAY ON THE ROOF.

UNCLE JOSHIE'S COMING TO THE RESCUE.

AAH! OHH!

OK. OK. THIS COULD BE WORSE.

AAH! NO, IT COULDN'T.

NO BABY. NO LADDER.

NO HAPPINESS.

SO, JUST HANGING THERE?

DRAKE, YOU CAME BACK.

UH, YEAH, MY GIG GOT CANCELED.

CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE DOING UP THERE?

IT'S A LONG, SAD STORY.

COULD YOU PUT THE LADDER BACK UP?

OK.

HEY, WHERE'S THE BABY?

UM... POSSIBLY ON THE ROOF.

YOU PUT THE BABY ON THE ROOF?!

NO.

IT'S CONCEIVABLE, THOUGH, THAT HE WAS FLUNG THERE...

VIA CATAPULT.

OH, DRAKE, I RUINED EVERYTHING.

THE BABY'S MISSING. THE HOUSE IS DESTROYED.

AND MY DAD'S GONNA GET FIRED.

HEY, WHERE'S MEGAN?

I DON'T KNOW. I HAVEN'T SEEN HER SINCE THE BABY DISAPPEARED.

UH-HUH.

I THINK I MIGHT KNOW WHERE THE BABY IS.

OK. I'M COMING DOWN.

AW, COME ON!

ALL RIGHT. WHERE IS HE?

I THINK HE'S DANGLING FROM THE GUTTER.

NOT JOSH. THE BABY.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT I WOULD HAVE THE BABY?

BECAUSE YOU'RE A DEVIOUS, TWISTED, LITTLE GIRL.

WHY, THANK YOU, DRAKE.

WHERE IS THE BABY?

I DESERVE THIS.

THIS IS ALL BECAUSE I FORGOT TO FEED

MY PET TURTLE SHELDON IN KINDERGARTEN.

HE WENT TO HEAVEN, AND NOW MY LIFE IS BAD.

YA HAPPY, SHELDON?

WE'RE EVEN NOW.

Dad: JOSH? SHELDON?

Mom: JOSH, WHAT ARE DOING UP THERE?

OH, IT'S YOU GUYS. UH...

YOU KNOW, JUST BABY-PROOFING THE GUTTERS.

GET DOWN FROM THERE. THIS MINUTE.

OK. CATCH ME.

AAH!

Galloway: WALTER... YES, SIR.

YOUR SON IS ON ME.

I'M SORRY, SIR.

COME ON.

ALL RIGHT, JOSH. WHAT'S GOING ON?

[STAMMERING] WHO'S WATCHING MAX?

UH, DRAKE'S INSIDE.

I'M GOING TO CHECK ON THE BABY.

NO!

I MEAN, UH... IT'S SUCH A NICE NIGHT.

UM, YOU GUYS SHOULD GO FOR A WALK.

OR A VACATION.

I'M GOING INSIDE TO HEAR MAX SAY "MAMA."

HE GETS VERY EXCITED.

OK, LOOK, LOOK.

I CAN EXPLAIN. HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED.

♪ DINAH, BLOW YOUR HORN ♪

OH, EVENING, EVERYONE.

HI, BABY.

SAY MAMA.

HOW? HOW WHAT?

THE BABY'S BACK. THE HOUSE IS PERFECT.

DAD'S BOSS IS HAPPY.

SAY MAMA.

WAS HE WELL-BEHAVED?

NO TROUBLE AT ALL.

LIKE HE WASN'T EVEN HERE.

WELL, WE HAVE A LONG DRIVE HOME.

THANKS FOR DINNER. OH, THANK YOU, BOB.

PLEASE, CALL ME MR. GALLOWAY.

COME ON. SAY MAMA.

SAY MAMA!

MEGAN, DID YOU HELP THE BOYS WITH THE BABY?

I SURE DID, MOMMY.

AW, THAT'S MY GIRL.

ALL RIGHT, NOW. UP TO BED.

COME ON.

THANK YOU, FELLAS.

TONIGHT MEANT A LOT TO ME.

I OWE YOU GUYS ONE.

NO PROBLEM. GLAD TO HELP.

OK. I OWE YOU ONE.

WHERE'D YOU FIND THE BABY?

SAME PLACE WE FOUND YOUR DIARY,

THE ITCHING POWDER, THE STINK BOMBS...

MEGAN!

YEP.

SO, HOW COME YOUR GIG GOT CANCELED?

AH, WELL, YOU KNOW, THE CLUB WAS OVERBOOKED.

SO WE JUST DECIDED TO HAVE THE BAND PLAY...

NO. YOU BAILED ON YOUR GIG TO COME BACK HERE AND HELP ME.

'CAUSE YOU LOVE ME.

WELL, I KNEW TONIGHT WAS IMPORTANT.

YEAH. IT MEANT A LOT TO MY DAD.

HEY! HE'S MY DAD NOW, TOO.

UH, BOYS,

WHY DO THE KITCHEN CURTAINS SMELL LIKE PEE?

[HORSE NEIGHS]

WE'VE GOT TO CHANGE HIM.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CHANGE A DIAPER.

RINA, YOU'RE A GIRL. YOU CHANGE HIM.

OK. SURE, YEAH. UM. HMM.

ONE SEC.

[BABY CRYING]

[CAR STARTS]

[TIRES SQUEAL]

SHE'S NOT COMING BACK.