Original subtitles

SO I'VE BEEN DATING THIS NEW GIRL

THAT GOES TO MY SCHOOL.

DRAKE'S BEEN DATING THIS NEW GIRL

THAT GOES TO OUR SCHOOL.

Both: HER NAME IS SUSAN.

AND SHE IS COOL, SHE IS FUNNY,

SHE IS AWESOME.

"SHE IS COOL, SHE IS FUNNY,

SHE IS AWESOME."

I'M TELLING YOU,

THIS GIRL IS ALL DRAKE'S BEEN THINKING ABOUT.

Both: SUSAN, SUSAN, SUSAN.

I WONDER IF I'M IN LOVE.

I'VE SEEN SUSAN AROUND SCHOOL,

BUT I HAVEN'T, LIKE, FORMALLY MET HER YET.

Both: ANYWAY...

I WONDER WHERE DRAKE IS WITH OUR PIZZA.

I CANNOT BELIEVE I ATE AN ENTIRE PIZZA.

COME ON, WE GOT TO THINK OF SOMETHING!

WOULD YOU RELAX?

NO! THIS PROJECT COUNTS

FOR LIKE HALF OF OUR FINAL GRADE!

OOH! I GOT IT!

GO.

OK. WE DO A DETAILED STUDY

ON THE REPRODUCTIVE HABITS OF LIZARDS.

I AM NOT DOING ANYTHING

THAT INVOLVES ME WATCHING LIZARDS MAKE OUT.

FINE.

OOH, HOW ABOUT... NO. A MUSIC VIDEO?

YES.

OF YOUR BAND. YES!

AND I'll DIRECT IT!

MAYBE.

MAYBE?

LOOK, CAN YOU DIRECT A MUSIC VIDEO?

WHO DO YOU THINK VIDEOTAPED MIKE RAMI'S PIANO RECITAL

AT THE HOME FOR THE OLD?

OK, YOU'RE THE DIRECTOR.

OH, AND HEY, WE CAN PUT SUSAN IN THE VIDEO.

WHY SHOULD YOUR GIRLFRIEND BE IN IT?

'CAUSE SHE'S PRETTY.

OK, FINE.

YOUR GIRLFRIEND CAN BE IN OUR VIDEO.

YOU'RE PRETTY, TOO.

STOP THAT!

HEY, WHICH ONE OF MY GUITARS

DO YOU THINK WILL LOOK BEST ON-CAMERA?

I DON'T KNOW.

[SPLAT]

Both: MEGAN!

♪ I NEVER THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE SO SIMPLE ♪

♪ BUT I FOUND A WAY, I FOUND A WAY ♪

♪ IF YOU OPEN UP YOUR MIND

♪ SEE WHAT'S INSIDE

♪ IT'S GONNA TAKE SOME TIME TO REALIZE ♪

♪ BUT IF YOU LOOK INSIDE, I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND ♪

♪ OVER YOUR SHOULDER YOU KNOW THAT I TOLD YOU ♪

♪ I'll ALWAYS BE PICKIN' YOU UP WHEN YOU'RE DOWN ♪

♪ SO JUST TURN AROUND ♪ WHOO

OK, HERE'S MY VISION.

I SEE YOUR BAND IN A DESERT.

YOU KNOW, THE SUN BEATS DOWN,

A LITTLE CREATURE SCAMPERS BY.

PERHAPS, I DON'T KNOW, A LIZARD.

OH! HERE'S MY VISION.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR VISION.

THE VIDEO SHOULD SHOW OFF MY BAND.

HI, DRAKE.

AND SUSAN.

HEY, HOW DID THE ALGEBRA TEST GO?

NOT GREAT. I COULDN'T CONCENTRATE.

OH, HOW COME?

BECAUSE I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU.

AHEM.

AHEM!

YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD REALLY GO TO THE BATHROOM

AND COUGH THAT UP.

CUTE. HELLO.

OH, SUSAN, THIS IS JOSH. JOSH, SUSAN.

HI, JOSH.

NICE TO OFFICIALLY MEET YOU.

[BELL RINGS]

HEY, I'VE GOT TO GET TO CLASS.

BYE, GORGEOUS.

I'll MISS YOU.

I'll MISS YOU, TOO. BYE, SWEETIE-PEA.

HA HA HA.

YOU ARE SO FUNNY.

NO.

YEAH, YOU ARE.

OOH, WHAT KIND OF SHIRT IS THIS?

I THINK IT'S AN X-L.

HA HA!

IT IS SO SOFT.

WELL, I AM A HUGE FAN OF THE DRYER SHEET.

HA HA HA!

I DON'T KNOW WHY DRAKE NEVER TOLD ME

HOW FUNNY AND CUTE YOU ARE. OH, HEY,

DO YOU KNOW YOU HAVE SOME PURPLE PAINT RIGHT HERE?

OH, ALL GONE.

I'll SEE YOU LATER, JOSH.

UH... [CRACKED VOICE] OKEY-DOKEY.

HELLO, MR. ALLIGATOR.

WELL, HELLO THERE.

HEY, YOU WANT TO HEAR A FUNNY STORY?

OK.

I'M GOING TO EAT YOU! GRR, RRR!

AAH!

Josh: YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING, DID YOU?

HO HO HO! MERRY BATHTUB!

HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY THIS YEAR?

NO? WELL, THEN, UNDER YOU GO.

OOH, TIME TO SHAVE.

[MAKES ELECTRIC RAZOR NOISE]

♪ SHAVING IN THE BATHTUB SAY WHAT?

♪ SHAVING IN THE BATHTUB

[MAKES ELECTRIC RAZOR NOISE]

TAKE IT, GATOR!

[DEEP VOICE] ♪ SHAVING IN THE BATHTUB

AAH!

HA! SUSAN.

HI, JOSH.

I'M SORRY ABOUT MY NAKEDNESS.

WHERE'S DRAKE?

JOSH, YOU DON'T NEED TO BE NERVOUS AROUND ME.

OOH, BIG BICEPS.

DO YOU WORK OUT?

OW! AH!

OH, WITH THE PAIN IN THE TOE.

OH, ARE YOU OK?

AH!

JOSH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

PUT SOME CLOTHES ON.

MY GIRLFRIEND'S IN THE ROOM.

RIGHT. I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS...

UNTIL SHE... AND...

I'll JUST BE...

IN HERE.

I TOLD YOU, SOMETIMES HE CAN BE A LITTLE,

YOU KNOW, JOSHISH.

COULD SOMEBODY PLEASE HAND ME MY UNDERWEAR?

HEY, YOU GUYS.

UMM... CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

YEAH, JOSH. WHAT'S UP, SON?

WHAT DO YOU THINK

OF DRAKE'S NEW GIRLFRIEND?

SUSAN? SHE SEEMS LIKE A FRIENDLY GIRL.

YEAH, MAYBE A LITTLE TOO FRIENDLY.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, I... I, UH... I THINK SHE LIKES ME!

THERE! I SAID IT!

WELL, OF COURSE SHE LIKES YOU.

WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE?

NO. I MEAN, SHE "LIKES" ME.

YOU KNOW...

LIKE, REMEMBER THAT SHOW ON THE ANIMAL CHANNEL,

WHERE THE FEMALE GIRAFFE "LIKED" THE MALE GIRAFFE,

SO SHE STARTED...

WE UNDERSTAND! WE UNDERSTAND!

LOOK, SON, SUSAN'S A PRETTY GIRL.

AND SOMETIMES ATTRACTIVE GIRLS

GET US GUYS A LITTLE FLUSTERED.

I THINK WHAT YOUR FATHER IS TRYING TO SAY

IS THAT SUSAN IS BEING FRIENDLY TO YOU

BECAUSE YOUR DRAKE'S NEW BROTHER.

AND BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUN AND CHARMING YOUNG MAN.

YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

THANKS.

I GOT TO GO DIRECT OUR VIDEO.

WANT TO WATCH THE ANIMAL CHANNEL?

WHERE'S THE REMOTE? HA HA!

[HORSE WHINNIES]

OK, DRAKE, CAMERA'S ALL SET.

AH!

ALL RIGHT, SUSAN, YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, RIGHT?

DANCE AROUND AND LOOK GOOD.

YOU ALWAYS DO.

LET'S DO THIS!

Josh: ROLLING!

AND... ACTION.

THIS ONE'S FOR SUSAN.

1, 2, 3, 4... [MUSIC STARTS]

♪ THE GIRL NEXT DOOR IS NOT THE GIRL NEXT DOOR ♪

♪ THE GIRL NEXT DOOR

♪ THE GIRL NEXT DOOR IS NOT THE GIRL NEXT DOOR ♪

♪ SHE'S THE GIRL I'D STAY HOME FOR ♪

♪ SHE DOESN'T KNOW THAT I'M BREATHING ♪

♪ SHE DOESN'T KNOW THAT I'M ALIVE ♪

♪ SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT I'M DREAMING ♪

♪ WHEN I SEE THAT SHE'S TURNED OUT HER LIGHTS ♪

♪ AND DOES SHE SEE ME LIKE I SEE HER ♪

♪ MORE THAN JUST THE BOY NEXT DOOR ♪

♪ THE GIRL NEXT DOOR IS NOT THE GIRL NEXT DOOR ♪

OH!

[MUSIC STOPS]

OK.

AND... CUT!

JOSH, I WAS JUST LOOKING OVER SOME OF THE FOOTAGE WE SHOT.

I'M NOT SURE YOU GOT ENOUGH OF SUSAN.

OH, I GOT PLENTY OF SUSAN.

DRAKE, COULD YOU HELP ME WITH THIS LETTER

FOR MY MISS NANCY ADVICE COLUMN?

SURE. READ IT.

OK. THE GUY WRITES, "DEAR MISS NANCY.

"MY STEPBROTHER HAS A NEW GIRLFRIEND,

NAMED PUSAN."

"SHE KEEPS FLIRTING WITH ME BEHIND MY BROTHER'S BACK.

"HOW DO I TELL MY BROTHER

ABOUT THIS PROBLEM I'M HAVING WITH...

PUSAN?"

UM... WOULD THIS "PUSAN"

HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH MY SUSAN?

YEAH, IT'S TRUE.

I THINK THAT SUSAN... YOU KNOW...

WANTS ME.

HA HA HA!

HEY, I'M SERIOUS HERE.

LOOK, I THINK IT'S CUTE

THAT YOU HAVE A LITTLE CRUSH ON SUSAN.

SHE HAS A CRUSH ON ME!

AND IT AIN'T LITTLE!

JOSH, I'M SURE YOU THOUGHT SUSAN WAS HITTING ON YOU.

I KNOW WHEN A GIRL WANTS ME.

I'VE IMAGINED IT A THOUSAND TIMES!

OK, OK. I'll TALK TO HER.

SERIOUSLY?

NO, BUT THANKS FOR THE LAUGHS.

WAIT! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I'VE GOT A DATE WITH... PUSAN.

[DOORBELL]

COMING.

AH! SUSAN!

DRAKE'S NOT HOME.

I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO SHOOT MORE STUFF

FOR THE VIDEO TODAY.

UH, WE ARE.

BUT DRAKE STOPPED AT PAUL'S HOUSE ON THE WAY HOME.

YOU COULD HEAD OVER THERE IF YOU WANT.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE PAUL LIVES.

THAT WAY.

I'M BAD WITH DIRECTIONS.

I CAN LEND YOU MY COMPASS.

JOSH, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YOU SEEM TENSE.

WELL, PUSAN... I MEAN, SUSAN.

UH, AH... I'VE BEEN NOTICING SOME SIGNALS.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU KNOW, SIGNALS.

LIKE... A FEMALE GIRAFFE MIGHT GIVE A MALE GIRAFFE.

IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN FLIRTING WITH ME,

BUT I'M SURE IT WAS UNINTENTIONAL.

JOSH, IT'S NOT UNINTENTIONAL AT ALL.

I KNEW IT!

[SQUEAKS]

SUSAN!

EW! JOSH! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO?

I'M DRAKE'S GIRLFRIEND!

OH, DRAKE, YOU'RE HERE.

DRAKE! I... IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!

JUST ONE SECOND.

DEAR LORD, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MY VERY FIRST KISS, AMEN.

DRAKE, I SWEAR, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.

[IMITATING ELECTRIC GUITAR]

THANK YOU, SAN DIEGO.

GIVE IT UP AND MAKE SOME NOISE FOR THE DRAKE!

OH, YEAH!

[BANG]

HEY, DRAKE.

DRAKE!

DRAKE, SHE KISSED ME!

IT WAS A DRIVE-BY SMOOCHIN'.

YOU'VE GOT TO BELIEVE ME.

WELL, THANK YOU FOR PUREEING MY SUNGLASSES.

FEEL BETTER NOW?

NO.

BECAUSE I STILL LIVE WITH A TRAITOR

WHO KISSED MY GIRLFRIEND.

BUT SHE KISSED ME.

WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME? I'M YOUR BROTHER.

BROTHERS DON'T TRY AND STEAL EACH OTHER'S GIRLFRIENDS.

BUT I DIDN'T EVEN TRY...

YOU STAY AWAY FROM HER, OK?

BUT SHE'S THE ONE...

STAY AWAY FROM ME, TOO.

SUSAN, I DEMAND THAT YOU TELL DRAKE THE TRUTH.

YOU KISSED ME AND YOU KNOW IT.

I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN'T HELP IT.

YOU'RE JUST SO ADORABLE.

CURSE MY BOYISH CHARM!

LOOK, IF I GET... SHH.

HERE, I GOT THESE FOR YOU.

OH.

WELL, I DO LOVE DAISIES,

BUT I CAN'T ACCEPT THESE, BECAUSE...

JOSH! I CAN'T ACCEPT THESE!

MY HEART BELONGS TO DRAKE!

OH, COME ON!

UNBELIEVABLE!

I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM HER.

BUT I DIDN'T, SHE... LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

AT LEAST I GET TO KEEP THE DAISIES.

BUT...

HELLO.

HELLO!

IF YOU'RE GOING TO IGNORE ME, HOW ARE WE GOING TO FINISH

OUR MUSIC VIDEO PROJECT?

I'll FINISH IT MYSELF.

NOW TAKE WHATEVER YOU NEED AND LEAVE,

BECAUSE SUSAN'S ON HER WAY OVER,

AND I DON'T WANT YOU AROUND WHILE SHE'S HERE.

ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO LET SOME CRAZY GIRL

RUIN OUR BROTHERSHIP?

SO NOW YOU'RE CALLING MY GIRLFRIEND CRAZY.

YEAH, AND I CAN PROVE IT.

WHEN SUSAN GETS HERE,

YOU HIDE IN THE CLOSET AND SEE FOR YOURSELF

HOW SHE ACTS WHEN YOU'RE NOT AROUND.

FORGET IT!

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Susan: DRAKE?

COME ON, JUST ONE CHANCE.

IF I'M LYING, I'll MOVE OUT OF THIS ROOM.

AND LIVE OUTSIDE IN THE BIG TREE,

DESPITE MY FEAR OF SQUIRRELS.

PLEASE!

OK, FINE!

YOU HAVE 30 SECONDS!

[KNOCKING]

Susan: DRAKE!

HI, JOSH.

WHERE'S DRAKE?

NOT HOME.

HA. NO, HE'S NOT.

IT'S JUST ME AND YOU.

ALONE.

OH. WELL, THEN, WHERE IS HE?

I DON'T KNOW.

BUT HE WON'T BE HOME FOR QUITE A WHILE.

OH, LOOK AT THAT. THERE'S MY KNEE RIGHT NEXT TO YOUR HAND.

COME ON, WE BOTH KNOW YOU FIND ME ADORABLE.

THIS IS GETTING A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE.

UNCOMFORTABLY HOT.

COME ON.

COME GET A HEAPING HELPING OF JOSHIE.

JOSH!

THAT'S IT, JOSH! IT'S OVER!

BUT SHE WAS JUST ABOUT TO CRACK!

DRAKE, I AM SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

HE HAS THIS INSANE IDEA

THAT I'M ATTRACTED TO HIM.

PACK UP YOUR JUNK

AND BE OUT OF HERE BEFORE I GET BACK!

COME ON, SUZE.

Susan: OOPS, I FORGOT MY PURSE.

YOU'RE CUTE.

[BLOWS A KISS]

OH, COME ON!

WHAT'S SHE DOING IN THIS CLASS?

DRAKE WANTED ME TO SEE THE PREMIERE

OF HIS MUSIC VIDEO PROJECT.

Man: OK, PLEASE TAKE YOUR SEATS.

TRAITOR! CHEATER!

LIAR!

CRAZY GIRL WHO FLIRTS WITH ME

AND THEN LIES ABOUT IT!

DRAKE, JOSH, SINCE YOU TWO WANT TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION,

WHY DON'T WE START WITH YOUR PROJECT?

AS THE DIRECTOR OF THE VIDEO YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE,

I HOPE YOU'LL NOTICE SOME OF THE IMAGERY THAT I THOUGHT WAS...

HERE WE GO.

THIS ONE'S FOR SUSAN.

1, 2, 3, 4... [MUSIC STARTS]

♪ THE GIRL NEXT DOOR IS NOT THE GIRL NEXT DOOR ♪

♪ THE GIRL NEXT DOOR

♪ THE GIRL NEXT DOOR IS NOT THE GIRL NEXT DOOR ♪

♪ SHE'S THE GIRL I'D STAY HOME FOR ♪

[IMITATING ELECTRIC GUITAR]

THANK YOU, SAN DIEGO.

GIVE IT UP AND MAKE SOME NOISE FOR THE DRAKE!

OH, YEAH!

[BANG]

[MUSIC RESUMES]

♪ YEAH, YEAH [MAKES ELECTRIC RAZOR NOISE]

♪ SHAVING IN THE BATHTUB SAY WHAT?

YOU VIDEOTAPED ME IN THE BATHTUB?

IT WASN'T ME.

Josh: I'M SURE IT WAS UNINTENTIONAL.

DRAKE, WAIT!

JOSH, IT'S NOT UNINTENTIONAL AT ALL.

Josh: I KNEW IT!

[SQUEAKS]

Students: WHOA!

DRAKE, THAT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!

YEAH, NEITHER ARE YOU.

UH, MR. HEDZOG, IF I MAY, I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY...

BUSTED!

DRAKE, DID YOU HEAR WHAT HE JUST SAID TO ME?

YEAH. I THINK HE SAID... BUSTED!

Drake: YOUR LITTLE PRANK.

ALMOST RUINED OUR WHOLE GRADE.

I'M SORRY.

YOU DO NOT FILM A PERSON

WHEN HE'S IN THE BATHTUB... AND WHATNOT.

I'M SORRY.

BUT MOST OF ALL, WE WANT TO SAY THANKS.

I'M... WHAT?

YOUR DUMB PRANK PROVED THAT I WAS TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT...

JUST THANKS, OK?

SO, DOES THIS MEAN YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TELL MOM AND DAD?

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOUR PUNISHMENT IS THAT YOUR LITTLE STUNT

ACTUALLY HELPED US.

HA HA!

WELL, TOMORROW'S ANOTHER DAY.

SHE FRIGHTENS ME.

[BELL RINGS]

HEY, SUSAN.

WHAT? YOU GUYS GOING TO TELL ME OFF NOW?

NO, WE'RE NOT GOING TO YELL AT YOU.

THOUGH YOU DO DESERVE IT.

HEY, IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT I WAS ATTRACTED TO BOTH YOU GUYS.

BUT NOW...

I WOULDN'T DATE EITHER ONE OF YOU.

SO, SEE YA.

FAIR ENOUGH.

NO HARD FEELINGS.

BE WELL.

GOOD DAY.

I THINK WE HANDLED THAT VERY MATURELY.

YES, THAT FELT GOOD.

[SPLAT]

OH!

PHHT!

THAT FELT BETTER.

YEAH, IT DID.

♪ THE GIRL NEXT DOOR IS NOT THE GIRL NEXT DOOR ♪

♪ THE GIRL NEXT DOOR

♪ THE GIRL NEXT DOOR IS NOT THE GIRL NEXT DOOR ♪

♪ SHE'S THE GIRL I'D STAY HOME FOR ♪

OH, OCTOPUS, DON'T ATTACK ME!

AH! AAH!

[CHOKING]

TA-TA-TA!

I EAT YOU, I EAT YOU, WHILE I SAVE MY FRIEND JOSHIE!

THANK YOU, ALLIGATOR. I LOVE YOU.

MMM!