Original subtitles

h well that's the way I'd like to do my

murders short sharp and

efficient but reading about murders is a

different matter we we most of us like a

good murder story but the more we read

them the more we look for something

unusual now I want to tell you about

three unusual murder stories well one's

what we call a straight who done it

we'll come to that in a second but I'd

like to start with what I hope you'll

find is a very strange story indeed it's

a it's about a painting in a public art

gallery here it is you can buy it as a

postcard now none of us who make or do

things it doesn't matter what from

chocolates Motorcars atom bombs are ever

satisfied with the result we're always

striving for Perfection and the same

applies to a man who paints a picture

he's always nagging away at his picture

adding here altering there striving for

that Perfection and never sparing

himself or anyone else for that

matter all of go a bit daed about

anything we create and this story shows

what the crazy desire for perfecting did

to one painter and don't be surprised if

things take a fantastic turn the painter

was a fantastic

[Music]

[Music]

man

[Music]

Now ladies and gentlemen as we leave The

West Wing with its Priceless collection

of costumes jewels and musical

instruments we come to the last room on

this floor of our extended tour of the

museum this is the malaby room the quest

of the late Joshua Mrs malabe it

comprises a collection of pieces this

fountain in Venice is by an Italian

painter School of canaletto here are two

of a set of three watercolor sketches by

Turner and this is one of a pair of very

fine bronze portrait heads by the famous

French sculptor

roncole and now if you just follow me

over here please what an extraordinary

looking thing this is a fine example of

a 15th century ecclesiastical scon a

very fine Venetian glass of the 17th

century and this is where the oh excuse

me sunny the statue of Joshua malaby

used to stand where is he now now these

are works from various countries most of

them by established painters of the late

18th to the late 19th centuries and some

of them unidentified now as our time is

running out I shall not be able to dwell

on all the objects in this room it's my

suggestion therefore that we devote our

remaining moments to the Shader of the

collection I refer to this very

interesting painting on the plaque you

will see landscape artists

unknown for all that it's the most just

go through there and turn to the right

it's the most intriguing work of the

collection this unknown artist has

achieved a masterpiece of the mysterious

of the macabra even yes very

interesting obviously under the

influence of

constable but there's a horrible empty

coldness about the whole thing it's a

masterpiece and the more you get to know

it the more you're see in it it wasn't

until the other day that I realized

there was that little branch of wood on

the

path if you follow the others you'll

find the exit just through that Arch sir

thank

you good afternoon sir

H oh good

afternoon and thank

you

Mr

Rook it happened

again yes please come

[Music]

immediately

is it the glass in the landscape yes Mr

[Music]

Rook this is

absurd exactly the same

again it isn't damaged thank

goodness but how in Heaven's name does

it happen in broad daylight too it's day

of all days when the trustees are coming

here for a meeting Who does these things

didn't you hear a noise or anything JIS

no I didn't hear anything sir I've only

just noticed

it

incomprehensible I abur over and over

again some can't understand it right

under our B

noses a job is to go up to the workshops

and see if one of the glazers is still

here the glass must be replaced before

the trustees arrive right away Mr

Rook wait I've changed my

mind I'll go and see the Glazier and at

the same time ring up inspector Ridge

you had better stay here yes Mr

[Music]

Mo have you a light

oh you're not allowed to smoke in here

sir that's quite all right Mr Jarvis oh

beg your pardon

sir if it's the meeting of the board

you're here for sir it starts in about

uh 5 minutes in the conference room

that's a very interesting time piece you

had

there it's given to me by my father sir

and his father before him it uh strikes

the hours when you press down on the

stem does it

now

well fancy

that this it's quite a rare old

piece are you uh connected with the

museum

sir yes boy I beg a pardon sir I didn't

recognize you you must be one of the

trustees master

have you been in here long sir well what

I mean sir is were you in here when I

brought Mr rook in oh the little pompers

man yes I was here well then you were

here when the glass was

broken did you see who did it

sir sit down Mr

Jarvis you're very fond of that painting

aren't

you it's the finest Miss painy to come

into this Museum since I've been here

sir and you've been here a long time 11

years 11 and a

half and this is your favorite painting

of the

collection from the first moment I saw

it it's a

masterpiece thank

you you find it very

beautiful well not not

beautiful intriguing that house planted

there in that desolate waste I'd like to

know more about it I'd like to know if

anyone lived

there you mean it might be a deserted

house well

yes but of

course a light in the window that's what

it

needs then we'll really know people live

there won't we Mr

Jarvis we a very observant man and think

of another thing think what a light in

that leftand window would do for the

composition it would set a focal point

for all those diagonal lines that sweep

from corner to

corner a light must be placed in that

window have you a

light Mr Jarvis

oh

yes do you

know I believe you're

right yes I'm sure of

it what a shame the artist is

dead You' have convinced him to put a

light in that

window we don't need the artist for

that no

you don't mean to suggest that you could

do with my little paint and brushes you

don't need Paint or

brushes what do you mean by that come

closer to the

painting have you ever taken a really

good close

look I don't mean simply to the point

where you can see the swrs and little

Hills and Valleys of paint I mean close

enough to get to the very heart of the

pigment

it can be done Mr

Jarvis your eye has traveled up this

road a thousand

times now let's travel up it

together all it takes is a little

imagination and you will are a man of

imagination see how the road yawns out

invitingly beyond the frame feel the

cold dampness of those walls brush past

the dead dry fingers of of that tree

push through those mysterious Banks of

whirling

Mist ah see how fresh and bright the

flowers

look nothing very mysterious about them

ah but Mr Jarvis now this is what I

really want you to look at would you

step a little closer

please that's it now just look at that

door You' feel that all that I would

have to do is to raise my stick and

knock and it would sound

like but

what shall we going don't be

[Music]

shy this this is my

home oh I didn't expect you back so soon

did you get me oh there's someone with

you this is Mr Jaris it isn't often we

have visitors being so far away you know

in the depths of the country like this

people can't find us not that I blame

them I detest the country myself why

complain my dear when you have no choice

in the matter did did you bring me

something pretty no oh what a shame I do

so like pretty things uh do come in Mr

Jaris there are a lot of things I want

you to see well did you get me any fruit

this good woman continues to delude

herself with the notion that I can find

fresh fruit in a museum no my dear I did

not please sit down w't you we have

everything for the punch but the fruit I

don't suppose you found any candles no

but we have got some

matches haven't we Mr Jarvis oh dear

what's the good of matches without

candle but there is a

candle you see we've absolutely none of

your modern conveniences here Mr Jarvis

no electric lights no gas cooking that

sort of thing we've got nothing of that

here we don't even possess a flint we

still have an excellent seller thank

heaven

a flint would come in very handy I I do

so hate the dark of course there is

someone here who has a flint but he's so

possessive with it he won't let anyone

else use it what my

dear I say isn't that the Turner missing

from the of course how else should I

furnish my

walls this is a portrait by Bastin

bronze

byon one of the pair you may

remember an early ecclesiastical scon a

very fine piece of work and over here we

have some really lovely examples of

early Venetian

glass and

this Joshua mby Joshua

melaby I had quite a job getting him in

here yes and actually we have to forage

for the barness yes it is

cigarette oh I'm so sorry Mr Jarvis you

see I have to collect mine out of the

litter baskets in the

museum you wouldn't happen to have a

whole one on you would you oh yes I

think

so thank

you have you a

light

you live in this place come Mr Jarvis

time for you to lose that look of blank

astonishment we not having a

nightmare I feel maybe I am you are

perfectly wide awake and in your right

senses and the sooner you accept the

fact the better we're all going to get

along we're perfect ly Charming people

once you get to know

us does this sort of thing go on in many

paintings in all paintings Mr Jarvis

there are people hiding in The Valleys

of every landscape ever painted there

are little worms forever fat within the

apples of every still life you've ever

seen but I don't understand what is

there to

understand shall I put it this way there

are many brands of

damnation out here we have more variety

of it than you have pickles

damnation and this is hell oh good

gracious me know this is not hell Mr

Jarvis but if this is damn Nation then

you're

Devils oh Mr Jarvis what an imagination

you have if we were devils would we have

to borrow your

matches Devils carry their own

combustibles Hellfire and brimstone that

sort of thing whereas we inhabit a

colder side of limbo in our section one

Shivers in an eternity of coldness cold

rooms cold

Landscapes that is our

damnation quite simple and believe me

quite terrible you're always so

cold cold coldblooded Mr Jaris this is

the coldest darkest painting I've been

sent to yet last time I was with some

Russian Gypsies and I thought that was

bad enough with the winds blowing and

the wolves howling it isn't fair you

know they really should move me

again move oh I don't get moved you see

this happens to be my painting my

last I never really finished

it you painted

it then you must be

dead

yes

well this has all been most interesting

but I'm afraid I must be going it's

getting late and my wife will is the

time oh my dear chap you've got plenty

of time now do come along there are so

many things I want to show you now this

I got out of the Dutch collection its

disappearance created quite a feww oh

it's before your time I think I seemed

yes I can't quite remember which room I

found this Bronze in of course what I

usually do is to pay one of my little

visits when a new Shipman comes in then

that way nobody ever misses anything I

suppose there are certain advantages to

living in a

museum one can pick up almost anything

anything that is except matches matches

and candles and occasionally I just lift

something off the wall or out of a case

and then there's the very devil of a r

and I'm convinced you must move that

fagar it's inches too high of course

don't you think so I'm afraid

I ingenius isn't

it

[Music]

[Music]

this is one of my most favorite pieces

it's so lifelike oh do stop Ling in the

background making nauseating remarks my

dear this is a Raphael now this is

modern but good I think very good it was

done by a friend of mine and Mr Snider

he really does do quite extraordinary

work very lifelike this is a very fine

hban this is a

rembrand and this is Mr

Snider well well what do you

want Mr Snider also lives

here unfortunately beggers can't be

choosers I go where I'm sent the housing

shortage is quite Universal Mr Jarvis we

must all play our part don't think I

like it any more than they do if I had

my way I'd still be living like a king

in that veski painting around the the

corner I brought this with me from there

much nicer people had somewhere to work

there why I had to move out of that one

I'll never know you know perfectly well

where you had to move you were getting

to like it the food here is terrible

this woman is the worst cook in the

museum why don't they send her over to

the French wing for a few lessons in how

to cook a lamb

chop are you interested in leuctra what

he means butterflies and Ms butterflies

and M the only hobby for an intelligent

man we're very fond of Mr Snider they

better be I own the only candle and the

only means of lighting it if I go I take

it with

me wouldn't like that would you now

that's precisely what we're here for Mr

Snider it's getting dark you know don't

touch that I don't wanted

LED if they don't watch Their Manners

know what I do I don't let them like the

candle at all they have to sit around in

the dark all night

long may we have your matches Mr Jarvis

matches oh yes Mr Jarvis do let us have

your matches I do so hate the

dark your matches Mr

Jaris the pleasure is all yours my dear

matches matches what are everybody

talking

about it's

empty

what no

matches you see what I mean about having

a flint or one of those little things

where you press a button or something

and I pops the light never mind never

mind do you want to see my trophy room

oh no it's so dirty in there no one ever

wants to see my trophy room can you tell

one butterfly from another I'm afraid I

come with me look I'll show

you this one is called the polyus a very

rare specimen of the poopus and very

beautiful and very well if I may say so

mounted you know anything about the

mounting of these things of course not

well it's an artart sticking the pin

into one of these lovely creatures and

fixing it in the book is just as

delicate as a bit of brain

surgery it must be placed exactly

between the base of the for wi and the

cell of the

hindwing if you miss by the thousand of

an inch you sever the head from the

cervical now was the scientific way of

doing things and there's the butcher's

way you ever watch people boil lobsters

Mr Snider's mind you will notice

oscillates passionately between food and

insects will you mix the drinks my dear

damn fools will take a lobster drop it

into boiling water and ruol over it

while she turns as Pink as a salmon

think that's scientific not at all you

can take my word for it the lobster

feels it's been boiled to death it feels

it now the scientific way is my way you

take the needle and before you cook the

juicy little fellow you insert the

needle between the first and second

outter crustacea before you boil him

death is immediate and what's the matter

with you

I I don't feel well get him out of here

he's an idiot yes I must be going it's

getting very late it must be oh nonsense

my dear fellow you've only just arrived

oh just as I thought the evening is

young in any case you can't possibly

think of leaving us before you sampled a

little of our hospitality is the punch

ready my dear yes I suppose she's made

the usual batch of slops wine rum Brandy

and the kitchen sink too bad you didn't

get some fruit you have put that in too

the suggestion has been made that he

should join the party I have not heard

it good she's the only female I know

that can make wine punch taste like peas

pudding really shall

we to our loved

ones you're improving my dear very

effective perhaps a little more Brandy

next time a little less peas pudding you

really must do something something about

that man at least make him light the

candle how's the drink Mr

Jarvis it's very good

sir one of those polite idiots what a

generous person you are Mr Jarvis I can

think of only one way to repay your

kindness and that is to ask you to stay

here as our guest oh no no please don't

thank me it's perfectly right I'm glad

to do it now

I really must be going first he

graciously presents us with his last

match and then without so much as a bu

your leave he makes me a present of this

watch of family alom too oh really Mr

Jarvis you are too

kind he didn't give me anything but Mr

Snider you don't know how very wrong you

are Mr Jarvis has brought you the most

precious gift of all the gift Supreme

the thing you have waited for for so

long huhuh Mr Jarvis has brought you

himself what are you talking

about for your trophy room Mr

Snider you

mean I'm sorry you didn't have the

opportunity to see Mr Snider's trophy

room he has some astonishing things in

there he's quite a taxid

dentist allow me and you should be a

little more careful about what you drink

in other people's houses you were warned

that this good lady is not be trusted

with alcoholic

beverages satisfied Mr

Snider I happen to worked on anything

bigger than a butterfly

[Laughter]

since what a pretty tie pin go away a

there's just one thing put that candle

down you can't light that

candle nobody lights that candle but me

then you light it Mr Snider and I will

put it in the window once and for all

that candle is going to be where I

wanted and nowhere else I need that

candle Mr Snider I need a candle in the

window to perfect my painting perfecting

perfecting all the time no there's too

much Perfection around here I won't do

it right Mr

Snider no candle no Mr

Jarvis all right

him he's worth

it this is

magnificent it'll do wonders for the

landscape can you imagine it Mr Jarvis

finished at last the thing it's always

needed to protect this what are you

going to do to me good Heavens I'm not

going to do anything Mr Snider will

perform the Earth ceremony

what what will he do to me oh really Mr

Jarvis you have some indication of Mr

Snider's peculiar tenant must we go into

details what have I ever done to you it

isn't fair you want the picture to look

right don't you you said yourself it

needed a light in the window

there

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Music]

[Music]

and when you finish work Mr Snider

you'll put the candle in the

window that window yes that's the place

for it I'm sure of it he won't be ready

for another few minutes what what will

you do huh what will you do all right

all right I'll put the candle in that

window

excellent ingenious isn't it I go

outside now I must see the effect oh my

friend you don't know what this means to

me a light in the

[Music]

window

I do love pretty

things will you try to get me one of

those little things where you press a

button and up Pops a light of

course good all clear nobody in The

Gallery at what time will you perform

the Seton Mr Snider uh let me

see in

exactly 6

minutes at 5:00 5 o' precisely

precisely

Splendid a light in the

window goodbye my dear I sh belong

Goodbye Mr

Snider oh thank you Mr

[Music]

Jarvis

oh they put the glass back have

[Music]

they

[Music]

isn't that

wonderful has a wonderfully mysterious

quality that light in the window makes

you wonder just what sort of people

would live

there that light has thrown all the

weight of the composition over to the

left need something to balance it on the

right something near the

house under the

trees a sort of

statue that's what it

needs a very delicate

statue with the light

just yes perhaps you're

right excuse me have you a

light oh yes

it's very

beautiful come closer to the

painting have you ever taken a really

good close look I don't mean simply to

the point where you can see the Swirls

and little Hills and Valleys of paint I

mean close enough to get to the very

heart of the

pigment it can be done you

know all it takes is a little

[Music]

imagination

oh well thank heavens all artists are

not like that one well now we come to

our who done it it's simply the story of

two fellows who had grown up together

and been tremendous friends all their

lives George and Edgar George is telling

the

story Edgar was a wonderful kid a year

younger than me but somehow always one

stage ahead and always a

leader we went to the same public school

and served together in the same unit in

Burma and after the war we went up to

Cambridge Cambridge is a lovely place in

the summer we had a lot of fun together

our last turn Edgar had enormous energy

and Brilliance and a sort of persuasive

charm that gave him any girl he bothered

to go after and he was on top of the

world that our last May

[Music]

bore

[Music]

two please

Jimmy thank

you cheers cheers hello hello George

hello Susan have a drink I'd love one en

join yourselves children it's wonderful

cigarettes cheers edar yeah Susan attend

to business you're being woed with costy

tobacco sorry George no thanks ion Eda

so it is my sweet and mine's the next

one don't forget how could I look after

Georgie for me won't you and don't get

into Mischief

right what a chat yes are you um are you

dancing this I promised it to Frank and

here he is come on Jane this is the

moment you've been waiting for I don't

forget Joor a breakfast in my room is at

3:30 we'll be expecting you all right

I'd be

there of course Edgar wasn't perfect he

had one weakness or failing whatever you

call it and although i' known him a long

time it was only that night I discovered

it P you all

right I feel

rotten is everyone here we've been here

for 2 hours

two where have I been don't you

know I remember leaving getting my scarf

then

nothing like a blackout what have you

been drinking champagne then sblo

started me off on Whiskey that's it

happened before you know once where's

Jane I promised to take her home don't

worry I'm taking you home yeah come on

good old

George faithful

Georgie what did I do without

you it happened again during the

following years if he mixed his drinks a

sort of mental blank when he remembered

nothing but not often and I watched him

like a

hawk when we came down from Cambridge we

went into advertising together it didn't

take edga long to to find his way around

and after 3 years with one of the big

firms we set up on our own from the very

beginning he made a go of it about the

same time he managed to solve our

housing problem and we settled down

comfortably on the top floor of a

converted house in nights

Bridge you better hurry Tex is here

plenty of time don't worry you'll need

this oh yes and don't forget to the

Godard contract will you no I won't ah

Manchester this is a big deal George

bigest yet for us it'll take time though

how long well 3 weeks anyway I'll let

you know can I give you a lift anywhere

no thanks I go to a concert at the

festival Hall catching up on culture in

my absence eh well don't get into a

Mischief all right good luck and um no

blackouts

okay

[Music]

[Music]

you enjoying

it I beg your pardon the concert are you

enjoying

it not very

much why' you come if you're

bored it's my job I work for a music

publisher oh well I let you into a

secret I'm not enjoying it either why

did you come because because it isn't my

job then it got rather hot in there and

I found my attention wandering a bit and

um well it wandered onto

you really then I saw you come out here

so I came out too and started this

conversation

yes you sorry I

did no look why don't we both admit

defeat and go and have a meal

somewhere what do you do when you're not

picking up women at concert see I don't

I I I'm in advertising is that fun yes

it is

tremendous now we're on our own you and

Edgar curtain he's the senior partner

and the brains but you're the

back

perhaps anyway we make a good

team more coffee no

thanks goodness L him as

girl must you I'm afraid sir excuse

me help

yourself right right thank you very

[Music]

[Applause]

much

it's a bit too big for you it's

Charming it's been with my family it for

quite a time I I've always liked

it am I good enough for

it only you no one else

ever look har yes Miss isn't it

beautiful

cool couldn't have done better myself

miss going to have to pay the bill

sir

[Music]

hello Hello

darling very

much all right daring till

tomorrow good

night night I was in love really in love

for the first time in my life I'd

achieved something important by

myself without a helping hand from

aner well Joor George hello Edgar it's

good to see you and 4 days early that

means that you're right we've got the

account and George we're on our way good

for you how is Manchester wet in every

sense of the word those boys can

certainly throw a party your old uncle

was very careful no

blackouts Miss Timmons Mr Wheeler has

had an attack of Second Sight and bought

me some beautiful carnations do you

think you could find a jug for them that

they're not for you no pity you in love

with the cleaner don't be an ask no then

they must be for you miss Timmons well

actually I was Mr Wheeler is no more

likely to buy me flowers than you are Mr

curtain I'll put them in water for you

Mr Wheeler thanks such going

on I have to rearrange some of these

appointments you made for next

week who's

Elizabeth girl I

know nice name

Elizabeth but before anything else we

have to get all this Manchester stuff

down on paper now if we take it home

tonight night and work late we what's

wrong got a date well as a matter of

fact old boy tonight we work tomorrow we

celebrate here we are that's that

everything in the bag jolly good you've

done

well and so of

you what have you been up to apart from

work oh I I've been out quite a

bit very

attractive

where did you get that from your room

it's good of you too

George

Elizabeth yes Elizabeth

who

gra good taste

George she's

beautiful yes well

Cheers

Cheers when can I meet

her

[Music]

it's fabulous such virtuosity George I

didn't know you could sber I don't you

know I just stand there while Elizabeth

sort of undulates around me nonsense

George you're very confident and you

know it he's competent he's Charming

he's efficient he's terrific to George

to

George and the

Dragon now children tomorrow being

Saturday we all go to the races yes to

the races no I'm sorry why ever not I I

have to work nonsense no I've arranged

to I I'm awfully sorry how about you

Elizabeth no I'm afraid

[Music]

not Elizabeth come and angulate around

me for a

[Music]

change

Edgar didn't come to the office that

Saturday he left the flat early without

seeing where he was

going I think I knew even then where he'

gone but I still hoped I was

[Music]

wrong

[Music]

all Harry hello Mr weeder long time no

see H same as usual yes that'll

do seen Miss Grange

lately

Harry no sir I can't says I

have he don't

lie is out

[Music]

here

[Music]

so then I faced it I knew I'd lost

Elizabeth I didn't blame Edgar but I

swore to myself that if any harm came to

her through him I'd never forgive

him

hello George come on down eger you're

drunk got news for you George important

announcement where are you Rosen

Crown all right I'll come but lay off

the bottle till I get

there

I got here as fast as I could what's

happened now sit down old Georgie sit

down I'll tell you all about it you

better lay off you'll be mixing

with Georgie I I swear I didn't intend

this what are you talking about you've

got to believe me I didn't mean to do

this well Elizabeth where is she she's

gone home all happened at Harris yes I

saw you there but what

happened we got

engaged going to get

married so that's

it I just couldn't face you Georgie I

had a little drink had lots lots of

little drinks you knew how I felt about

it L's nose on your

face I just couldn't help myself Georgie

they they come and they go but this is

the real thing I wouldn't have done it

otherwise so

Elizabeth is going to marry you

Georgie I didn't mean to do it I just

couldn't help

it oh

anyway I'm going to get

married why bother to marry

her what do you mean crack like that you

don't have to marry the little

little what do you mean just this

here's a key you can have it for nothing

I won't be needing it anymore

more is nothing but a little

little

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

Edgar Edgar are you

[Music]

in

[Music]

you wouldn't think after all that I'd

care what happened to

him but I knew the symptoms he was on

the verge of a

blackout and I couldn't help

[Music]

worrying

P where have you been it's after 7:00 I

don't know George I I can't remember I

look for you everywhere the worst

blackout I've ever had I I I just came

to in the

lift I I don't know where I've been or

what's

happened must be hours and

hours let settles it I'll never have

another drink again as long as I

live George I told you about elizab edar

she's dead what are you talking

about woman battered to death in London

fled

Elizabeth the crime was discovered by a

neighbor Miss Nave who was with the

murdered girl until 10: p.m. returning

later to borrow some cigarette she found

the door unlocked the asent she states

must have let himself

in as she would have heard the

Bell Edgar look at your hands

blood

George here on my coach smears as though

i' it's

horrible George it couldn't have been me

you read it whoever did it must have had

a

key and what are you looking at me like

that for you had the key you snatched it

from in the pub remember I remember

remember sir you killed him no

George I wish I could smash your head in

and batter you to death

but George what am I going to

do take that coat off now get yourself

out of those clothes and have a bath

they'll be here any minute the police

they're bound to find our names in the

flat and they'll check up quick now

if you don't tell them I shall I don't

want to

live now listen to me we must tell the

truth as far as possible it's no use

hiding the fact that Elizabeth left me

for you now this is a story we've got to

stick to

it you got engaged to her last night at

Harris and came straight back here to

break it to me we sat up until 130 and

went to bed have you got

that after what I've done you're willing

to Alibi for me why would you do the

same for me I don't know George well I

do now come on there's no time to waste

your coat's in the stove I don't light

it because of the smell I'll burn it

later with the other things they won't

search the place if our story fits it'll

never work of course it will if we keep

our heads supposing somebody saw me

going into or leaving the flat no one

did the police would have been here

hours ago no they the bman in the Rosen

Crown that's the only danger better not

go there for a bit he doesn't know our

names we he didn't hear what we were

talking about but

still

good morning good morning we're from

Scotland Yard I'm inspector erson and

this is detective Sergeant

melet are you Mr curtain no my name is

wheeler Mr Curt's in his bath oh I see

excuse

me what can I do for

you I'd like to ask both you and Mr

curtain a few questions I understand you

are acquainted with Elizabeth gra yes

why what's the matter she was murdered

last

night

our names aren't even mentioned you're

in the CLE

EG I'll never be in the

clear the thought of Elizabeth will be

with me as long as I

[Music]

live

I suppose I should have stopped

him but I'd done everything possible to

help

him and now there was nothing more I

could

[Music]

do

[Music]

Scotland Yard will you take a message to

inspector aeson in charge of the Grange

murder

right send somebody at once to 58 James

Street fifth floor got

that yes the murderer is

here

yes George the murderer is

here and you're going to stay here till

they come for you because you killed

Elizabeth it was clever of you to fix

your own Alibi by fixing one for me you

ried on my black out didn't you but what

you forgot George is that I always

remember what has happened just before

it and I remember the key when I grabbed

for it it fell on the table I never had

it you had it all the time and the blood

on and my coat was your nose bed your

blood George not Elizabeth's I got that

from the barman at the Rosen

Crown they'll give you a trial George a

fair

trial I shall be there giving evidence

then one day they'll take you out and

hang

you on that day I shall

laugh are you ready to hang

George no he you think that I come back

[Music]

George no no an

no you're too late he threw himself

out

what happened he heard me telephoning

the yard that was you was it yes I found

out that he'd done

it what's

burning he'd been burning his raincoat

in the stove that's how I found

out it had blood on

it but you said before that curtain was

with you on the night of the murder from

10:00 onwards

was

he no I lied to you why he was my friend

I I couldn't believe it I I knew that

he'd been out all night

but I was afraid afraid of what he had

these blackouts blackouts when he had

them he he couldn't remember anything I

I thought that you might pin it onto him

and he'd believe you

there's a half bured coat in the stove

all right and I've just found this in

the

ashes is this his flat

key

no it must be

Elizabeth's must have been in his coat

pocket you realize you can be held as an

accessory oh I suppose

so then I found out he'd done

it

now Mr Wheeler suppose we start from the

beginning how long have you known Edgar

curtain so there it is it took some

doing but they believe me anyway the

coroner was satisfied he thought it

quite right that a man should turn in

even his best friend for

murder the way Edgar tried to do to

me but then most people don't understand

what real friendship

means yes you're right

Harry it's going to be hard to start

again without

them I can't bear to think

of oh

well keep the change

Harry

[Music]

emergency which service is

[Music]

police we come now to our last story

which is by that grand old man of

English storytellers W Somerset mour

it's about something we've all seen the

Rivalry between two men in public life

the the proud practical ambitious Lord

monreo Secretary of State for foreign

affairs and the Visionary Owen we know

that a dreamer who lacks practical

ability often has other gifts and what's

unusual about this story is the strange

power possessed by Owen the strange

workings of the mind of Lord

[Music]

monreo we shall call for a fullscale

debate honorable member officite

definently appreciate what that means it

means we are not bluffing but we shall

call the foreign secretaries

Bluff why should their supports Fe a

debate why should the reason is very

clear the foreign secretary does not

even tell them the details of his policy

they keep asking what is really

happening in the Middle East in the Far

East in South America the rigers of

debate will sift out the

truth nobody needs suffer except

possibly the foreign secretary who can

retire like an indignant

[Laughter]

Primadonna is he free he won't like

being disturbed even Lord mreo must be

disturbed for the Prime

Minister the Prime Minister would like

you in the house sir we've been tipped

off the opposition are putting up Owen

again Owen yes

sir why all this F Ango about Owen

surely the Fallen policy of the entire

British Commonwealth is not to be

dictated to by that Village Idiot

churning out his childish Utopias at the

Village pump H yes quite sir but Owen's

continual sniping at the foreign office

is making a definite impression in the

constituencies and the Prime Minister

thinks that well if you were going to

that

is

oh very

well let have an end to this wher

Snapper Little M and will learn that he

sniped at me once too often or should I

say gutter

Snipes yeah for 350 years the foreign

policy of this country has been usurped

by these men of mar Minister petrified

in the cold

Dan wait and see not even the warm the

people but what do they care for the

people what do they know other the

people huddled behind the high walls of

their Estates do they even know that

there is a

people I warn The Honorable gentle folk

opposite there is a people and the

people have a voice that voice Rises to

heaven in ever growing Unison borne on

the wings of a sweet wind from the

mountains it will disperse forever the

stagnant fog which has poisoned for

centuries the great nor North European

plane we the people of this land shall

not be prevented from holding out the

hand of Brotherhood to every man

everywhere and I was a very small

boy many years

ago I remember the words of a frail old

man who brought the word of God to a

black Welch

Valley his voice said from the

pulpit it is more blessed to

give and to

receive now that is a new thought for

The Honorable gentleman opposite but it

is not a new thought for me and it is

not a new thought for the people and the

will of the people shall be done we will

write foreign policy as it has never

been written before on a clean

[Applause]

slate

[Music]

we could none of us

fail to be touched by The Honorable

member's speech for myself I was deeply

touched by it what that oh yes I'm

always touched by it yes indeed on every

one of the numerous occasions in which

I've heard that speech in this place

before practice makes perfect letters at

once con seeed The Honorable member

Perfection when we rested from the

Spaniard do dominion over all our seas

any school boy can inform the honorable

member that the vast Fleet of the armado

was not sunk by a mere bombardment of

platitudes nor did we press back the

grand arm of Napoleon bonapart with a

limp hand of sentimentality nor in our

own memory were the dark hordes of the

Luv dispersed by what was it a sweet

wind from the

mountains and I suggest that what truly

motivates The Honorable member is not in

any of

accepted terms

Christianity but

[Applause]

careerism but I suggest that in secret

Truth The Honorable member is not so

deeply touched by the people's will as

he pretends and that a scientific

analysis of the honorable member's sweet

Mountain wind will show its consistency

to be the purest hot

air why

that should put an end to his

interference and to his

career open good night good night Sir

night brilliant man mreo isn't he

brilliant but

insufferable Lord

mreo you broken my heart

tonight I can't break yours because uh

because you haven't got

one but I can crush your proud

spirit and I

will darling it's awfully late come to

bed how was the debate I spoke well tell

me extraordinary I feel tired well

here's the invitation to the kar's

reception never felt tired before you

won't go will you it's the boy's half

turn darling isn't public life more

important than overfeeding boys not the

[Music]

boys his Excellency the French

[Music]

ambassador how

you how you his excellenc is the Italian

Ambassador uh you're looking well

Charming than

heav the right honorable Lord mreo

Secretary of State for foreign

[Music]

Fel

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

daring if you fallen asleep

you all right you look worried so would

you be if you just lost your trousers at

the

Karas should have known it was a dream

that H little sweep oen was in the

middle of it darling it was a bad dream

I don't think he's ever liking to set

foot in the conim

marz well they brood about

it

[Music]

you see if we purchase the Surplus

produce well then they may take out cold

I think you want to see the

[Music]

[Laughter]

delegation rer are you feeling all right

but what what is the matter with you you

must pull yourself together you know the

house is expecting a definite statement

from you tonight and if you could

announce a commercial agreement how

about announcing an alliance an alliance

that will make him sit

[Music]

up

even Even If This Were to be my last act

in in public life I should be forever

grateful forever proud in my heart it's

been my my privilege to to forge this

Alliance and I ask endorsement of this

how I ask endorsement of this

Alliance um please don't disturb me I'll

wake with my

speech as the greatest single

contribution made by this or any other

country in the cause World

Peace Even If This Were to be my last

act in public life I should be forever

grateful forever proud

[Applause]

I it's not enough it's not enough to be

aware of the problems I had to seek and

find

Solutions our friends across the channel

are looking to us and not in

silence what they're saying

is what our friends are saying

is d Daisy

Daisy give me your answer

true I'm half

crazy oh the love of you it won't be a

stylish marriage I can't afford a

carriage but you look sweet upon the

seat of a Bicycle Built for

Two I will stand by you in will or wo

Daisy Daisy

you'll be the bell I ring you know sweet

little Daisy

Bell you take the lead in each trip we

take then if I don't do well I will perm

you to use the break my

[Music]

[Applause]

beautiful

me I'm

crazy over the love of you it won't

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Music]

be

[Music]

res

resign

resign

resign what's wrong

sir

oh is another one of these nightmares

I've been

having I fell asleep working on my

speech aren't you well sir may I

telephone Sir James oh no I don't a

doctor for besides it's any time for the

debate there the notes on the

floor couldn't you postpone your speech

my dear fellow it's one of the most

important pronouncements of my whole

career as you can't call a doctor is you

a dream can you between ourselves that

James is an incompetent old fool my

grasp of foreign policy is no firmer

than the doctors on medicine then the

country's condition can only be

described as

hopeless

h

Zero

Hour even Even If This Were to be my

last act in public life I should be

forever grateful forever proud in my

heart been my privilege to be one of the

forgers of this Alliance and I ask

endorsement of this Alliance as one of

the most meaningful contributions made

by this or any other country to the

cause dear to every one of

us cause of World Peace

[Applause]

Mr Brown Mr Speaker sir in view of the

importance of the right honorable

gentleman's announcement I would ask for

time to study its full implications and

not to take the time of the house at

this

moment Mr Speaker sir it seems to me

that something should be said now no I

must confess that I'm not too sanguin

over the the chances of this marriage of

convenience between two incompatible

States supported as it is by so modest a

doub indeed in the words of the old song

I'm reminded it won't be a stylish

marriage we can't afford a

carriage but you look sweet upon the

seat of a Bicycle Built for

[Music]

Two those pills you given me S James me

absolutely no good at all if we took

them they should send us to sleep what

about the nightmares yes but there is

the tonic what about the tonic what are

we getting from the tonic

indigestion lady Canute could take that

tonic lady Canute judging by her

performances at banquet said you can you

can take

anything no there's nothing

fundamentally wrong with you you have

the physique of a man of 30 my advice to

you is that you should drop your work

for a little while and go away for a

nice group are you aware

that a minister of the crown is

not ordinarily at Liberty to go on nice

little cruises we generally occupied ah

yes Affairs of State quite a little

Triumph in the house the other evening

the papers were all over you hold out

your

hand now we try these take three every

two hours for six hours and through 3

hours for 9 hours there box get them in

but I

Eno if he doesn't feel better in a few

days time don't hesitate to send for me

again darling why don't you describe I'm

always on the end of a telephone for you

I can't see what

the no no please don't come come down I

can't see what a new set of pills going

to do for my nightmares

nightmares darling why didn't you

describe Elizabeth what would to ask

like that know about dreams they consult

Dr Orin a psychiatrist well you know

it's Elizabeth I refuse to lie flat on

my back and answer a lot of impudent

questions only to discover at the age of

18 months I was hopelessly in love with

my

grandmother I could save you some of the

time by seeing him first and telling him

all you've told

me well you might ask him if I'm an

appropriate case

I shall have to tell him about

Owen why tell him

that yes I suppose he'll insist on

knowing

that if he wants to see me he must come

to the foreign office Yes

dear get me Dr oin in Rost street thank

you

the reason I asked you to come here was

because it is so much easier more

relaxing for a patient to speak openly

in the dingy surroundings of a

Consulting ding than in his own

environment may I ask your

qualifications for this business yes I

used to practice as a physician and then

during the War I found that I had a sort

of gift GI

yes I found that I could relieve certain

pains and psychological troubles with my

hands and by

talking I don't understand the whole

truth about my work even when I help

people I sometimes feel well a bit of a

fake you're practically admitting you're

a quack not quite

that people believe in

you quite a reputation I have my

successes but I can't do Miracles Royal

College of pH positions wouldn't approve

of it if I

did now I've answered your questions

perhaps you'll answer mine why have you

come to see me

why well surely V mreo told you that yes

she told me of two dreams of a somewhat

faral nature fical and the later

coincidences I expected you'd regard the

whole thing as an absurdity no no no no

don't misunderstand me the significance

of the dreams isn't FAL not from my

point of

view

at first it wasn't the dreams that

worried

me it was what happened after the

dreams and there were more

dreams I didn't tell my wife about

those I

couldn't this man

Owen what about him has he appeared in

all all these

dreams all of them do you know why what

do you mean why well can you think of

any reason why he should haunt your

dreams

[Music]

no

well you must do something for me

doctor my work is important I don't need

to tell you that I must be a concert fit

I need

sleep I know sooner close my eyes than

he's there that vulgar grinning little

cat mocking

me I'm well after all I'm

mreo I'm not the mean lwd creature he

sees in my

dreams

and

remembers that's what's so awful

after remembers after the dreams when we

meet my whole life is dedicated to my

country greatness is my aim greatness is

within my

reach her dreams keep getting Vier Vier

I hesitate even to speak now in his

presence because I know my words can

seem only obscene humbug that horrible

little man despises me doesn't even

bother to conceal it I tell you doctor

if you don't do

something

well was going to say

that I'd kill

him this is just a manner of speaking of

it I wouldn't kill him if I were

you has this man got a grudge against

you why should he wish to persecute you

I don't know have you ever done him an

injury

no quite sure quite

sure I can do nothing for you unless you

tell me the complete truth I am not

accustomed Dr odland having my word

doubted have you ever done anything that

he might look upon as an

injury

no Lord mreo I do read the reports of

the Parliamentary debates in the

times should I be putting it too

strongly if I said that you Brew 's

career that's a very serious injury that

you've done him he brought it on himself

have you never felt any quals about it

quals it's obvious you know nothing of

politics doctor I have no qualms about

doing my

duty I should inform you if I require a

further

consultation apologize for taking so

much of your valuable time it is of no

[Music]

consequence my dear young lady why sing

can you Dance with Me

[Music]

sh why can't we enjoy

[Applause]

ourselves

sh uh just one

moment you may leave my

Lord my lord for the last

time

[Music]

a

[Music]

hey

hey hey

[Music]

he

been having a good time I don't know

you and I don't want to know you oh but

I know you you better watch out for this

chap he's capable of any dirty

[Music]

TR

I say you look a bit Dicky today oh it's

too hot a day for a nap feel as if I've

been cracked on the head with a

bottle

[Music]

I don't pretend to understand your case

completely but I do know this your

conscious mind is refusing to accept any

guilt for what you've done to

own I have a notion that we're all of us

not just one self but many and one of

the selves in you acknowledges your

guilt and has taken on her 's form in

your mind to punish you for what you've

done to

him if I were a priest I should tell you

that it is your conscience that has

adopted this image to force you to

repent now I'm going to tell you what

you must do and you will

remember remember can you hear

me yes you will go to Owen repeat

that go to Owen and you will say that

you are sorry that you caused him this

great

injury you will say that you will do all

that lies in your power to undo the harm

you have done

him apologize to that filthy little

Bounder suppose I did smash his career

why should I apologize I crushed him

like a slug in the garden I'll do it

again I'm afraid we'll find it's the

only way in which you'll regain your

balance there's another

way

that last dream showed me that Owen

feels with his waking body exactly what

happens to his body

asleep next time I won't hit him with a

bottle next time when I'm Dreaming I

shall find myself with a knife in my

hand or a

gun then I shall be free and suppose you

do kill him in your

dream and suppose you go to the House of

Commons next day and there he

is in his usual

seat he won't

be

[Music]

darling I didn't know whether to wake

you but it's 11:00 if

you you pushed a man under a

train he would be dead wouldn't he

darling have you had another of those

awful

nightmares nightmares I just had the

most perfect dream in my entire

life my last

dream must have go to the house

today of all

days of all

days goodbye darling goodbye Elizabeth I

something I'd like to tell you before I

go I realize how cold and unresponsive I

must often seem and I don't think I

don't appreciate how much I owe you my

whole success my

career you see I've been under rather a

terrible strain L it's all come right

now

and I want you to know that in future

I'll devote less time to public life and

more to you and the

boys

up try to get home Annie I won't be

long

will you give me Dr Orin on the phone

please at

once yes fine well you know exactly what

I want on the aan think Charles is here

he'll give you the details I Say mreo

Yes by the excellent word into the house

yes coming along good afternoon

Gentlemen The Day of Victory

EXC means trust in Bluff trust in secret

talks in private agreements Po and

Corner negotiations it means trust in

promises made by unnamed men with

unexplained Clauses for undisclosed

conditions that is trust in

diplomacy if it is not so the government

has a chance to prove it why should

their supporters fear a debate why

should the reason is very clear the

foreign secet does not even tell you

will you come

in sit time it's kind of you to see me

doctor I'm so worried about my husband

nothing's happened no but Dr Rin what do

you really think is he getting any

better frankly no though mind you it's

hard to tell in the early stages of

treatment a psychiatrist task is often

long and full of disappointment but I

can't record any sucess successful your

husband's case I'd even considered

whether it was not my duty to warn

somebody in Authority the Prime Minister

if need be that he's in no fit condition

to conduct Affairs of

State the last time I saw him he was

highly excited and quite capable of

violence well this morning he woke up

quite calm and relaxed it was a strange

sort of Serenity and he said something

strange too he said with great

confidence and satisfaction that he'd

had his last

dream lady monreo where is your husband

at the House of Commons I think I should

go to him at

once only a short time ago we were torn

with strife and

descension how different a picture did

this house present today United at least

in this one great matter foreign

policy once again our country is assumed

leadership of the Nations and the great

Onslaught against the bitterest enemies

of progress the Diabolical

malevolence

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Music]

[Music]

[Laughter]

h

I kill Owen

but you were

right he was there in the

house he came after

me I now I've escaped

him Owen wasn't in the

house his body was found today in a

railway tunnel

oh inde

dead

then

then I haven't escaped

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

him