Original subtitles

Both: Happy birthday!

Thank you. Thank you.

I'’ll never get this confetti

out of my hair, but thank you.

The hats were my idea.

17 has got to be better than 16.

I'’ve got a great boyfriend, i'’m not new

and i'’m finally used to being a witch.

And i'’ll have the liver and brie omelet.

Here'’s your present.

I love presents.

It'’s a handbook.

One of these days

we'’re going to have to talk about cool presents.

This is a study guide.

When a witch turns 17, she has to take a test

to get her witch'’s license.

Will I have to parallel park my vacuum cleaner?

Doesn'’t work like that.

But for some reason

you have to take an eye exam.

A quizmaster will come in a few days and test you.

You only have two chances...

Don'’t worry.

I can handle it.

I'’ve got to run or i'’ll miss my bus.

Unless...

My other present is a car.

Don'’t forget this.

Next year, clothes, right?

She'’s never going to study.

We have to tell her about the consequences.

You know the rules.

We'’ve given her the book.

Now, it'’s up to Sabrina.

I'’m sorry, I thought I asked for an omelet.

Hello.

Don'’t be shellfish.

[ Grunts]

Can I help you?

I can'’t find my locker.

I'’m Valerie. This is my first day.

I'’m Sabrina.

I was new last year.

It'’s a pretty friendly school.

Freak.

So what'’s your locker number?

Um... 27.

That'’s near mine.

Where'’d you move from?

Minnesota. We move a lot.

Why'’d that girl call you a freak?

Libby? Because she'’s a cheerleader

and she has a limited vocabulary.

Oh, so you'’re not really odd?

No. Well, not in a way anyone knows about.

Good. '’cause just once

i'’d like to be in a cool crowd.

Oh, I know that makes me sound shallow.

I hate that about myself.

Just go on without me.

I'’m dragging you down.

Here'’s your locker.

Good. You'’re still talking to me.

Oh, Sabrina, just who i'’m looking for.

I think you should take a.P. Algebra after school.

It'’s a lot of work

but you can get college credit.

I think I can handle that.

Great.

That'’s an interesting book.

May I see that?

Oh, it'’s kind of a family heirloom.

That'’s why I keep it in my locker.

Oh...

Hey, birthday girl.

It'’s your birthday?!

Or is that a nickname?

Harvey, this is Valerie.

Valerie... Harvey.

[ Laughs nervously]

I love my earrings, thanks.

My mom said you'’d like them

more than a knife.

Here, taste these.

I baked them

for the football bake sale.

Taste like...

Tell you what

i'’ll bake you cookies for the sale.

Thanks. I was hoping you'’d say that.

Better get to chemistry.

See you later.

Wow, teachers like you

you'’ve got a cute boyfriend...

Can I be your friend?

We'’ll see.

I'’m having interviews all week.

[ Chuckles]: You'’re kidding, right?

Because that'’s happened to me before.

You'’ll be the editor this year?

Well, not in so many words.

Actually, it was just that many words.

He said, "you'’ll be the editor this year."

Cool.

And when I am editor

the school paper is going to be different.

No freakazoid news.

I can'’t believe Libby'’s taking over the paper, too.

You should take over the paper.

Me?

Yeah!

You'’d be great and fair.

I'’m not saying that

'’cause I want you to like me.

Thanks.

Do you like me?

Hello.

Oh, yes! Oh, yes!

Prayers areanswered.

Fifties, twenties...

Oh, my!

Oh, good

looks like our bond matured.

The one we got in 1660?

Uh-huh. I knew people would say "yes" to sanitation.

Want to go to the slicery?

I can'’t.

I'’m going to join the newspaper.

I thought you were swamped.

I am, but I can handle it.

This has the bonus of driving Libby insane.

Call you later.

You haven'’t forgotten

about the dance on Friday?

The big event honoring all the football players

that everyone'’s been talking about for weeks?

I remember it.

But I forgot your name.

[ Giggling stops abruptly]

Looking for the loser convention?

Yes, I am.

And look, I found it.

Hi.

Hi, i'’m Valerie.

Ooh, they'’re multiplying.

[ Quietly]: I feel good about myself.

I feel good about myself.

Okay, Don'’t panic.

When Mr. Kraft gets here, we'’ll clean house.

Greetings, news hounds.

Welcome to the westbridge lantern.

I think there'’s been a mistake.

Mr. Kraft is the faculty advisor of this club.

Oh, not anymore.

After 17 years, he'’s grown to loathe and detest the paper.

Hi, Sabrina.

Now, this year, the editorial position

is not going to be a popularity contest.

What?!

Everyone who is interested

can submit an editorial by tomorrow.

This is amazing.

And I didn'’t even use magic.

Magic?

Yeah, that'’s westbridge slang

for... curse words.

I hate being new.

Great cake.

Piece five might have been a mistake.

Do I have any frosting on my face?

A birthday should be a time for fun.

Did you get a chance to study the handbook?

Not really.

Oh, man, study!

I'’ve got a history test tomorrow.

Sabrina!

Remember, the handbook is also important.

Did our parents go through this torture.

Not with me.

I memorized the whole book.

[ No audio]

Get rid of them.

What?

The goody two-shoes.

Oops.

Sabrina.

Yo!

I was just resting my eyes.

Don'’t you think you'’re overextending yourself?

No.

Okay, my editorial'’s done.

Time for history.

I'’m so handling things.

"Patrick Henry gave an impassioned speech

"in williamsburg where he proclaimed

'’give me Liberty or give me death.'’"

actually, he was going to say

"give me Liberty or give me some other option."

I told him I thought it needed more punch.

[ Phone rings]

Hello?

Hi, Harvey.

Oh, hi, Harvey.

I'’m sorry, I know I was supposed to call you.

Now tell me if you Don'’t think this is deep.

When you assume something, you make a...

Shoot, I knew I should have written it down.

If you...

Shoot, maybe it wasn'’t "assume."

Sabrina?!

Degrees here at downtown westbridge.

Let us greet the day with "the brothers chunk."

Ow!

Who are you?

Your quizmaster.

Please Don'’t hit.

Is it time for the test?

Are you kidding?

You are not ready.

This is a warning.

You haven'’t cracked this hand.

I mean, not even the knuckles.

Hey, I like that one.

Okay, you'’ve made your point.

I'’ll study.

And stop hitting.

When will I have the actual test?

When you least expect it.

[ Groans]: Oh, I hope I can handle this.

Man, I did lousy on that history test.

I know, I got so frustrated in there

I almost used magic.

What?!

Curse words, right?

Oh, right.

Look, val, I go to run.

I got to meet Harvey for lunch.

Okay, see ya.

Bye.

Oh, no, what are you doing here, quizmaster?

Have you been studying, Sabrina?

The test is coming, you know?

I'’m kind of in a hurry.

Oh, I can fix that.

Can you stop time, Sabrina?

Page 201.

Okay, i'’ll look it up.

How about speeding time up?

Page 949.

Okay, i'’ve been warned.

Oh, great, you sped up time and now i'’m late.

Hi, Harvey.

Eating alone?

No, he'’s not.

Sorry, time kind of got away from me.

I wanted to talk to you about tux colors.

Can I finish your sandwich?

I can'’t decide between powder blue and maroon.

Let me have everyone'’s attention please.

Great. Mr. School spirit.

Some of you freshman have not met me yet.

I am vice principal kraft.

Just like the cheese.

[ Laughter]

Boy: Loser.

And I heard that.

Now, I am happy to announce that the pep club

has decided to decorate the dance this Friday

with posters honoring each football player.

Wow, Harvey, you'’re on a poster.

And that'’s not all.

These posters will be made by each player'’s girlfriend.

So, gals, get busy.

That'’s ridiculous!

Oh, let'’s just hope

you have tourette'’s, little missy.

Mr. Kraft

just because a girl'’s dating a football player

doesn'’t mean she has time to do artwork.

Yeah, well, you see

we'’re just sprucing up the dance

not taking back the vote.

I think posters

are a brilliant idea.

Well, thank you, Libby.

And thank your father for that box of steaks.

[ Chuckles]

You understand, Don'’t you?

I'’d feel like your slave.

No, I understand.

It'’s a stupid idea.

Who needs a poster?

Right. What were you saying about tuxedoes?

I need help deciding...

[ Bell rings]

Sorry, we'’ll talk later.

Oh, uh, maybe one day you'’ll have a girlfriend

who cares about you.

Oh, no, Sabrina forgot this again.

I know we'’re not allowed

to tell her what will happen if she fails

but how about I just zap it to her?

Hey!

It'’s Sabrina'’s responsibility.

We'’re not allowed to meddle.

All right.

You know, it'’s weird.

I keep counting this, and I keep coming up short.

Really?

Oh, please, oh, please, oh, please!

Hey.

Hi, I Don'’t have time to talk.

I'’ve got to get to my a.P. Algebra, after school

lecture credit, college prep thing.

Okay, but can I have the cookies?

What cookies?

The cookies you baked for the sale today.

It'’s starting in five minutes.

Right. Wait here.

Whoa!

If you wish to run, Ms. Spellman

the girl'’s track and field team

meets after school.

In the hallway, we walk.

Yes, sir.

And miss spellman...

Where did those come from?

Bakery?

I just bumped into you five seconds ago.

You did not have any cookies.

Yes, I did.

If I weren'’t on antihistamines, i'’d look into this.

Oh, no. Now?

Are you ready?

Put those back!

I conjured those!

Just reverse my spell.

I Don'’t know how.

It'’s on page 77.

You know, you really should try studying.

Toodles.

I have to go.

Where'’s the cookies?

Robbery?

I'’m sorry, I forgot.

I was really busy.

You know, Sabrina, you'’re always busy.

It'’s like you Don'’t have time to be my girlfriend.

That'’s not true.

I'’ve had a lot important stuff to do.

So i'’m not important.

I didn'’t say that.

Look, let'’s just forget about the dance.

I'’m sure you'’re too busy anyway.

I'’ve been thinking

about what to do with the bond money.

I think we should invest it.

Oh, no. You promised this would be fun money.

Really? Doesn'’t sound like me.

I Don'’t want to be practical.

Come on, Zelda, imagine your wildest dream.

Oh. Okay.

Another t-bill, please.

No, no, no.

Here, i'’ll show you how to daydream.

Is that Erik estrada?

Yeah. I loved him in chips.

Oh, but you have to see him in dos mujeres en camino.

But you can'’t buyerik estrada.

No, but maybe you can lure him

with this '’62 thunderbird convertible.

Now, try again.

All right.

Much better.

Oh...

Sorry. I really like investing.

We are not blowing centuries of interest on more interest.

At least let me lick your hands!

Sabrina? You were a little unfocused today.

Was I?

Yeah. You see, six times seven is 42, not 12.

Sorry.

Man, do I need a cupcake.

Maybe it'’s '’cause I went generic, I Don'’t know.

Darn hmo.

Who'’s supposed to read this?

Hi. Got a minute?

Actually, i'’m in the middle of something important.

Here'’s your yummy doodles.

Well, whenever you want to talk, i'’m ready.

Trouble with the little lady?

How about we buy stocks?

That'’s exciting.

It'’s just like gambling.

No one talk to me.

I have to call Harvey.

We'’re obviously never going to agree,

so how about we flip for it?

Winner takes all.

Deal.

My head, I win.

Your head, you lose.

Yeah, like i'’m gonna fall for that old trick.

Again.

[ Yells]

What'’s going on?

His father said Harvey'’s still not home.

Why won'’t he talk to me?

Maybe because he'’s still not home.

Besides, Don'’t you have other,

more important things to worry about?

You rang?

Great. The stressmaster.

You know, the other kids I quiz give me stuff.

How about molecular transference, Sabrina?

Can you do that?

I'’d bone up if I were you.

Oh, and, uh, remember,

fudge is a nice way to say "I care."

You got a cute one.

He'’s right. I'’m not ready.

I Don'’t know molecular transference.

Sure, you do.

You know how to zap yourself

from one place to another.

Yeah, go ahead.

Put yourself behind the counter.

[Car engine stalls]

You'’re thinking about too much.

Clear your mind. Try again.

[Car engine stalling]

Oh, dear.

You'’ve shorted your finger.

Too much stress.

Rats.

[Clang]

Huh!

Well, look at that...

I won.

Rats.

Okay. A panel of teachers

read everyone'’s editorials, and...

We all like Libby'’s.

Well, all the teachers thought Libby'’s was really good.

All right.

But not quite as interesting as Sabrina'’s.

Sabrina, you are the new editor

of the westbridge lantern.

Thanks. I can handle this.

I think.

That'’s just wrong.

Valerie: You'’re the editor.

I'’m the editor'’s friend.

There is no way this can'’t be cool.

Talk to you later.

What'’s all that?

Newspaper stuff.

I'’m editor. I know it'’s more work, but...

No, it'’s great.

Lots of famous people

were editors of their school newspaper.

Really? Like who?

Charlemagne?

Sabrina... I know.

Let'’s never fight again.

Okay, and i'’ve been thinking

i'’d like to make you a poster for the dance.

Doesn'’t that sort of go against

everything you believe in?

Yeah, but big deal.

Do you have the time?

Sure.

Thanks.

And i'’ll bet if the girls in science club

were getting their boyfriends to make them posters,

you'’d make one for me, right?

You bet.

They'’re not, are they?

And I didn'’t mean that about the dance.

I really want you to come.

I'’d love to.

Great.

You haven'’t ordered

that powder blue tux yet, have you?

There. Poster'’s done.

What do you think?

It'’s gorgeous.

If you'’re into gushy.

Okay.

Now, time to study the handbook.

I think i'’ll start with... Molecular transference.

Howdy.

Look, i'’m studying.

Oh, great.

It'’s time.

But i'’m not ready.

Hmm... nope, I Don'’t care.

Okay. Sabrina spellman,

are you ready to be tested?

I told you, no!

Too bad.

Sabrina spellman, here is your quiz:

Train "a" left sturbridge at 8:00.

Train "b" left Boston at 6:30.

What time will they meet in westbridge?

I can do this.

Okay, what speed are they going?

I believe this is yourtest.

I know how to find the speed.

Molecular transference.

Come through, and there'’s a new ring in your future.

Yes! Excuse me.

75 miles per hour...

Thank you.

[ Gasps]

Who are you?

I'’m... a dream.

You'’re dreaming that someone came for the speed...

62 miles per hour...

Got the speed and left.

Oh!

[ Sighs]

I hate these night runs.

Got it.

The trains should meet in westbridge at 1:03 A.M.

Right. Unfortunately there'’s only one track

in westbridge, and it'’s already 1:02.

Uh-oh.

I know... I-i'’ll just divert them.

Um, trains are big and they are leaded.

Move '’em away from where they'’re headed.

I did it.

Excellent. Except...

Except what?

Except when things are diverted, they have

to go somewhere.

[Train horn blaring]

[Coughing]

Oops.

You have to remember

that all magic has consequences

and you have to think about the consequences

before you act.

So... I got it wrong?

Ooh, people are going to write country music

about how wrong you got it.

Let me guess... you failed

your first try?

I'’ll get it next time.

I'’m sure you will,

but unfortunately there'’s a penalty.

No dessert?

Witch camp? What'’s witch camp?

It'’s like military school

if military school

were run by really strict, sadistic witches.

It'’ll be okay.

We'’ll pick you up in two days.

Two days? But i'’ll miss Harvey'’s dance.

But you'’ll learn to kill and cook your own food.