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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:04,238 Mmm. 2 00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:07,308 Remember before we had kids... 3 00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:09,286 when we could just lie in bed on a Saturday? 4 00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,118 That's how we got them. 5 00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:14,421 Why did I have to be so sexy? 6 00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:18,362 A few months ago, Luke joined a club soccer team, and at first we were thrilled. 7 00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:21,957 But then we realized it takes over your whole weekend. 8 00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:24,299 And not in the cool MythBusters marathon way. 9 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,964 Luke sits on the bench a lot... 10 00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:29,372 which means we sit in the hot sun for, like, eight hours... 11 00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:31,467 just to see him play five minutes. 12 00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,341 But what a five minutes. Tell 'em about last week. 13 00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:36,314 Oh, yeah. Luke stopped a goal with his face. 14 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:37,576 Yeah. 15 00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,811 - Too bad he doesn't remember that. - Yeah. 16 00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:43,447 What if we sent Luke to the game without us today? 17 00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:45,286 - We can't do that. - Why not? 18 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:47,826 Missing one tournament doesn't make us bad parents. 19 00:00:47,882 --> 00:00:50,522 My mom never went to any of my stuff. I'm fine. 20 00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:52,188 Why didn't she go to any of your stuff? 21 00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:53,630 Because she was an incredibly competitive woman... 22 00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:55,530 who didn't like to see me do very well at anything... 23 00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:57,091 but I think it's pretty clear who won. 24 00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:59,729 - Mm-hmm. - I'm working now, you know? 25 00:00:59,794 --> 00:01:03,264 And I really need my weekends back to catch up on errands. 26 00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:04,832 I don't know. it just feels wrong. 27 00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:08,711 Would it feel wrong to use that robot gutter cleaner... 28 00:01:08,769 --> 00:01:10,612 that's been sitting in the box for the last three weeks? 29 00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:13,151 - No, that would feel right. So right. - Mm-hmm. 30 00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:15,619 - Did I tell you I call it the Gutter Done? - You did. 31 00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:17,986 I love "Gutter Done." it's your sense of humor. it's so fun. 32 00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:19,649 Okay, stop drilling. You've struck oil. 33 00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:21,784 But only if Luke's a hundred percent cool with it. 34 00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:23,453 Yeah. Course. I'm on it. 35 00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:26,726 You know, if we're not going... 36 00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:28,391 we could stay in bed a little longer. 37 00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:30,231 - No, thank you. - Okay. 38 00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:32,532 Don't wanna have this conversation again in 15 years. 39 00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:35,738 ♪ Hey, hey♪ 40 00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:37,833 ♪ Hey, hey♪ 41 00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:39,935 ♪ Hey, hey♪ 42 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,911 ♪ Hey, hey♪ 43 00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:43,073 ♪ Hey,♪♪ 44 00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:50,214 Hey. Hey, hey, hey. What are you doing with those swatches? 45 00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:51,779 She's gonna be here any minute. 46 00:01:51,846 --> 00:01:53,689 I told you to put all this wedding stuff away. 47 00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:57,024 Are these really our top two choices for color palette? Why are they both white? 48 00:01:57,084 --> 00:02:00,361 That's what my friend Keisha asked about you and Daddy. 49 00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:01,923 Oh. instead of hiding all this stuff... 50 00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:04,265 why don't you just tell Pam we're getting married? 51 00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:06,236 I will, when she's ready- 52 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:09,399 carefully and preferably in a large, open field. 53 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,909 She's your sister, not the Hulk. 54 00:02:11,966 --> 00:02:14,344 My big sister, Pam, is emotionally fragile... 55 00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:16,176 and she's still single, so when she finds out... 56 00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:18,410 I'm getting married before she is- Whoo! 57 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:19,883 Look out. 58 00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:21,783 She can be meaner than a barn owl at sunset. 59 00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:23,116 Because that's when they wake up? 60 00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:24,747 Yep. That's morning time for a barn owl. 61 00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:27,384 it's her! 62 00:02:27,448 --> 00:02:28,756 Quick, hide! 63 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,022 it's okay, Lily. 64 00:02:30,084 --> 00:02:31,722 Oh, take that bow out of her hair. 65 00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:34,095 I don't want to rub our daughter's adorableness in my barren sister's face. 66 00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:37,193 - There she is! - Hey, Pam! 67 00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:38,328 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 68 00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:40,736 Well, the damn airline lost my trunk. 69 00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:42,273 Now I'm gonna have to make new clothes. 70 00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,104 - Oh, no. - Yep. 71 00:02:44,165 --> 00:02:47,305 I need to squeeze something. Get over here, Lily. 72 00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:49,314 - I'm good. - Yeah, well, she's shy. 73 00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:51,941 So, Pam, we got some big news. 74 00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:53,542 Speaking of big news- 75 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:56,986 You remember that little ugly girl I used to babysit- Britney Horner? 76 00:02:57,044 --> 00:02:59,024 - Yeah. - Well, she got married last summer... 77 00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:00,353 and now she's pregnant with twins. 78 00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:03,452 So, if you're keeping track, that's ugly 2, me nothing. 79 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:04,791 What's your news? 80 00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:05,990 - Um- - Well- 81 00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:09,125 - We're getting a new dryer. - Oh. 82 00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:11,466 Well, I'm very happy for y'all. 83 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:15,063 - Thank you. - How come I never get a new dryer? 84 00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:18,866 Mom, in all the time you've known Grandpa... 85 00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:20,606 has he ever used the word "fluxions"? 86 00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:23,274 That is not an F-word I've heard him use. 87 00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:26,045 He's beating me in Words With Friends. How is that even possible? 88 00:03:26,106 --> 00:03:29,087 Shouldn't you be playing Words With Friends with friends? 89 00:03:29,143 --> 00:03:31,089 - Grandpa is my friend. - Oh, of course he is. 90 00:03:31,145 --> 00:03:32,988 That's not sad. What? 91 00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:34,856 Morning, buddy. What's with the pillow? 92 00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:38,124 It's for soccer. My neck gets pretty tired watching all those games. 93 00:03:38,185 --> 00:03:40,461 Right. Yeah, I'll bet. 94 00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:42,558 Say, listen, your dad and I were just talking... 95 00:03:42,623 --> 00:03:45,536 about you maybe wanting to go to the game without us today. 96 00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:47,664 - Oh. - But it's totally up to you. 97 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:50,038 Whatever you want, because we love you very much. 98 00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:52,373 Right. You can either ride with some of your teammates... 99 00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:54,606 like the L.A. Kings, or you can ride with us... 100 00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:57,114 like Gloria and Grandpa take Joe to playdates. 101 00:03:58,372 --> 00:04:00,648 Professional athlete, little poopy baby- Your call. 102 00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:02,483 - I'll get a ride from Max. - Great. 103 00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:05,615 - You sure it's okay? - Yeah, it's fine. Hey, can I borrow your sleep mask? 104 00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:07,659 - You bet. - Awesome. 105 00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:10,690 Yes! I love that kid. 106 00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,992 Can you imagine how easy it would be if it was just him? 107 00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:14,054 - Mmm. - I mean- 108 00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:16,101 I know what you mean. 109 00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:24,574 You call that folded? Where's that military precision? 110 00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:27,613 We didn't fold many Onesies in the navy. 111 00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:29,147 I'm back! 112 00:04:29,203 --> 00:04:30,705 What did the doctor say? 113 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,808 He said my eyes are perfect. 114 00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:34,477 Where was he looking when he said it? 115 00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:36,911 Pretty sure Gloria needs glasses. 116 00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:39,082 The last couple of months she's been struggling. 117 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:45,486 ¡Ay.! 118 00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:50,464 I'll take this one. it looks very good. 119 00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:55,530 That's their address, Magoo. 120 00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:58,372 - Did he even give you an eye test? - He put the spoon in one eye... 121 00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:01,208 the spoon in the other eye, the poof-poof, the eye drops. 122 00:05:01,268 --> 00:05:03,646 20/20. Now who's the Magoo? 123 00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:07,341 What the hell language was that? 124 00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:10,855 Did you see that fresh coat of nail polish? She never went to the doctor. 125 00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:12,913 - Why would she lie? - She's vain, Manny. 126 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,516 She doesn't want to wear glasses. 127 00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:16,083 Well, she's only hurting herself. 128 00:05:20,254 --> 00:05:22,325 Okay, I hope you're hungry. 129 00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:25,632 Starving. That damn airline ran out of roast beef. 130 00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:28,105 Tried to fast-talk me into eating something called hoo-mus. 131 00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:29,937 Oh, hummus. It's actually really delicious. 132 00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:32,443 You would like the- Uh- Oh. 133 00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:36,372 - What's this? - Oh, uh- That's an action figure. 134 00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:39,907 - It's two grooms. - They melted together in the car on a very, very hot day. 135 00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:43,113 - It was 103. - My daddies are getting married. 136 00:05:43,177 --> 00:05:45,919 Your dads are getting married? 137 00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,356 That can't be right. 138 00:05:47,414 --> 00:05:50,020 That's what my friend Keisha says. 139 00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:55,998 - Is this true? - Pam, honest to goodness, we were gonna tell you. 140 00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:58,502 - Get over here, you. - Hey, hey! 141 00:05:58,559 --> 00:05:59,936 She's got me. 142 00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:01,939 Damn! 143 00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:04,475 This is the greatest news I've ever heard! 144 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:07,068 Oh, I am so happy to hear you say that, Pam. 145 00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:09,273 Of course! Oh! 146 00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:12,283 - I want my baby brother to be happy. - Oh! 147 00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:14,910 And as long as we're sharing, I have some news- 148 00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:16,477 You remember Bo Johnson? 149 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:20,548 Oh, my gosh, how could I forget? Oh! He was my first crush. 150 00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:21,649 - Oh. - Oh. 151 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,285 Please tell me nothing happened to his face. 152 00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:26,331 - What did he fall into? - He fell into me. 153 00:06:26,387 --> 00:06:28,196 - We're engaged! - Say what? 154 00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:30,098 Bo and I are getting married! 155 00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:33,366 That is fantastic! Cam, isn't this great news? 156 00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:34,599 Come here, you. Oh! 157 00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:35,935 Yeah. So great. 158 00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:38,476 Oh! Get in on this! Come on! 159 00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:39,533 - Oh! - Whoo! 160 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,341 Thank you for jumping. 161 00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:47,008 I didn't feel guilty for missing Luke's soccer tournament... 162 00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:50,954 because I had a ton of errands I figured would take me all day to finish. 163 00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:55,153 But for some weird reason, I was flying through my list. 164 00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:59,664 I ended up in every short line. I made every green light. 165 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,700 It was the ultimate karmic bitch-slap. 166 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:04,031 Because suddenly I had no more errands... 167 00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:05,627 which meant no more excuses... 168 00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:08,969 which meant me at that boring soccer tournament. 169 00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:12,238 Whoo-hoo! Yeah! 170 00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:15,007 Hi. There you are. Your son is playing so great. 171 00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:16,809 - No, I'm Luke's mom. - No, I know. 172 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,850 - He's been amazing all day. - Luke? 173 00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:22,447 - Oh! Luke? - Here, you want one? 174 00:07:22,509 --> 00:07:24,147 Uh, no, thanks. I'm coffeed out. 175 00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:25,588 Oh, honey, it's sangria. 176 00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:27,648 Well, all right. 177 00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:32,162 Okay, that's it. Grandpa's cheating. 178 00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:34,563 On Gloria? How could he possibly do better? 179 00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,567 No, not on Gloria. On this game. 180 00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,694 I've never lost it to anyone. 181 00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:41,638 Keep playing word games with Grandpa, and you never will. 182 00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:43,697 - Hey, girls! - Hey. 183 00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:45,766 - What is that thing? - What do they call it... 184 00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,369 or what should they have called it? 185 00:07:47,434 --> 00:07:49,846 - Never mind. - Uh, wait, wait, wait. 186 00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:52,008 It's a gutter cleaner. 187 00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:57,249 Ladies, I give you the future. 188 00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:01,953 How many times have you girls seen me fall off this ladder? 189 00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:05,394 Now that's gonna happen less. 190 00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:08,331 Looks like your gutter cleaner is stuck on something. 191 00:08:08,388 --> 00:08:11,562 Not a problem. This baby detects blockage and then ramps up the power. 192 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:14,606 That's why I've nicknamed it the Gutter Done. 193 00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:16,396 - Stop! - Dad! 194 00:08:16,463 --> 00:08:18,534 Sorry, it's such a missed opportunity. 195 00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:20,101 Oh, my God, oh, my God! 196 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:21,805 - What? What happened? - It's a bird's nest! 197 00:08:21,869 --> 00:08:23,712 - No! - And they're all dead! 198 00:08:23,770 --> 00:08:25,977 - Oh, my- - You killed them! 199 00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:28,576 It wasn't me! it was the robot! 200 00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:32,385 - Oh, my God! - Look at it. it doesn't know! 201 00:08:32,446 --> 00:08:34,619 - Oh, my God! - Gross, gross, gross! 202 00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:37,127 I'm sorry! 203 00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,791 - Mom! Mom! Help! - What? What happened?! 204 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,765 I just ate a handful of this rat poison! 205 00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:44,928 - Why? - I thought it was trail mix. 206 00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:46,994 - Why do I keep it so close together? - I'll call 911 ! 207 00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:48,596 Here, read the box! 208 00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:50,642 Tell me what it says to do! Hurry! 209 00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:53,303 - It says- - 'Cause I don't have much time! 210 00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:56,177 In the- 211 00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:58,682 And I'm dead. 212 00:08:58,739 --> 00:09:03,051 - What? - You'd rather kill your husband than admit you need glasses. 213 00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:05,181 - Wow, Mom. - There's no poison? 214 00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:08,249 Oh, there's rat poison, and I do keep it dangerously close to the trail mix... 215 00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:11,296 but this was to point out that your vanity could be fatal. 216 00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:12,796 I knew this was all a trick. 217 00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:15,629 That's why I acted like I couldn't read that box! 218 00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:18,533 How many people have to pretend to die, Gloria? 219 00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,535 It just doesn't make any sense. 220 00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:24,599 Pam and Bo Johnson? My Bo Johnson? 221 00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:27,976 "My"? Should it bother me that you're this jealous of an old crush? 222 00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:30,311 Oh, don't be ridiculous. Bo is straight. 223 00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:32,714 He'd probably never go for me. 224 00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:37,252 Oh, my gosh. it is Bo. 225 00:09:37,311 --> 00:09:39,188 Look. He's hotter than ever. 226 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:41,817 Mmm-mm-mm-mm. 227 00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:43,327 - I'm gonna answer it. - No, you can't. 228 00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:45,727 Yes, I can. We're practically family. 229 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,166 Hey, dude. it's Cam. 230 00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:50,326 Where? 231 00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:53,234 Been good. Been real, real good. 232 00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:55,295 Uh-huh. So, you and Pam, huh? 233 00:09:57,397 --> 00:10:01,174 Hey, better be good to my old sis, or I'll have to wrestle you down. 234 00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:03,339 - Oh, my God. - Hey, question- 235 00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,974 Do you still have that friendship bracelet that I made for ya? 236 00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,511 Oh, okay. Yeah, okay. 237 00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:11,317 If you're busy, I'll have Pam call you back. Uh-huh. 238 00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:13,915 Hey, and, Bo, congratulations. 239 00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:15,324 You too. 240 00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:16,884 Can you believe it? 241 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,055 - Oh, and we're gay again. - It just doesn't make sense. 242 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,996 I mean, he's got to be after our drilling rights. 243 00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:23,193 I knew it. 244 00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:25,896 This is why I didn't want to tell you. 245 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:29,907 I knew you couldn't stand the thought of me landing the man of your dreams. 246 00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:33,638 - "Dreams" is strong. - Believe it or not, Bo and I are in love. 247 00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:36,306 He thinks I'm beautiful, and he's right. 248 00:10:36,370 --> 00:10:39,840 And for the record, Bo has twice the land we do. 249 00:10:39,906 --> 00:10:42,386 He has absolutely no interest in my drilling rights. 250 00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:45,048 - Not that kind, at least. - Okay, let's just relax. Hey. 251 00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:48,025 Come on, Pam. Do you wanna pick me up again? 252 00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:49,856 - They warned me, you know. - Who warned you? 253 00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:52,487 The whole family said you wouldn't take it well. 254 00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:55,465 Ever since you moved to the city 'cause you couldn't hack it on the farm. 255 00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:57,798 - Couldn't hack it? - Yeah, that's right. 256 00:10:57,858 --> 00:11:00,930 Everyone knows, Cam. You're not farm strong. 257 00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:03,531 - You take that back, Pameron Jessica Tucker! - I will not! 258 00:11:03,597 --> 00:11:05,508 You are weak and weepy. 259 00:11:05,565 --> 00:11:07,442 That's why we can't ever say anything to you... 260 00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:09,708 'cause we know you'll crumble into a big heaping mess! 261 00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:13,149 Oh, are you saying I'm the one people have to step around? That I'm the Pam of the family? 262 00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:16,585 You mean the Cam of the family? 'Cause that's what we all call it! 263 00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:18,589 - Okay, that's enough! - Oh, yeah? Well, I was Gammy's favorite! 264 00:11:18,645 --> 00:11:20,124 - Really? - Yeah! 265 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:22,956 Come on! Enough! No! 266 00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:26,327 Seriously, Pameron? 267 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:32,060 Oh! Way to go, Luke! 268 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,536 Kid's amazing. 269 00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:35,766 So great, right? Hello? 270 00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:37,467 - Claire? - Phil? 271 00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:40,671 Oh, hi, honey. I was- I was just about to call you. 272 00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:42,839 I killed a bunch of baby birds. 273 00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:44,610 - What? - Myrobot wiped out the nest... 274 00:11:44,671 --> 00:11:46,708 and now the mom's just staring at me. 275 00:11:48,442 --> 00:11:50,854 They recognize faces, you know. I saw it in a documentary. 276 00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:52,618 Sweetie, I'm sure it was just an accident. 277 00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:54,852 None of this would've happened if we'd gone to Luke's game. 278 00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:56,417 - We're terrible parents for not going - No, no. 279 00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:59,157 Is that a whistle? Where are you? 280 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,790 Um, I-I'm just walking by a construction site. 281 00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:03,391 Pervs! 282 00:12:03,457 --> 00:12:05,095 Sorry. Sorry. Not you. 283 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,933 I hope Luke's not mad at us. 284 00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:08,370 No, he's fine, honey. 285 00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:10,965 Or he's not. He-He could be mad. We don't know. 286 00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:12,908 We won't- We won't know. I'lI-i'll be home soon though. 287 00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:14,604 I love you. Okay, bye-bye. 288 00:12:14,668 --> 00:12:16,011 Thank you. it was great. 289 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,446 Hey, Luke, Luke, Luke. 290 00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,984 Don't tell your dad I was here, all right? Great game. 291 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,418 Claire? 292 00:12:22,476 --> 00:12:23,682 Claire? 293 00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:35,494 Say good night to Daddy. 294 00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,398 Mwah. Good night, my boy. 295 00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:40,666 Hey, Grandpa, great word you played earlier today. 296 00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:42,297 What does "syzygy" even mean? 297 00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:44,137 It means 45 points. Ha! 298 00:12:45,832 --> 00:12:48,369 Hey, everybody. You remember my sister Pam? 299 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:51,416 - Oh, hi, Pam. - She's here to pay a visit and cast aspersions. 300 00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:52,814 - Oh, grow up. - You grow up. 301 00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:54,284 Real good one. 302 00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:56,685 Hi, y'all. I brought boar. 303 00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:58,654 Oh. Well, let me give you a hand with that. 304 00:12:58,712 --> 00:13:02,751 Cam, look. I know you're upset, but please just try and let it go tonight. 305 00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:06,263 Can you believe she said I'm the emotionally fragile one? I mean, how crazy is that? 306 00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:08,162 - Boy! - "Boy"? 307 00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:11,430 - Is that your thinly veiled way of saying you agree with her? - Pfft. 308 00:13:11,491 --> 00:13:14,062 You know what? if I was fragile, I would care, but I'm not, so I don't. 309 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,198 - Good. - Good. And you know what? 310 00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:19,176 That shirt washes you out, so don't be shocked when someone mistakes you for a beige candle. 311 00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:20,643 Hey, everyone. 312 00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,338 - Hi, Luke. - Hey, buddy. 313 00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,177 I'm so sorry I missed your game. 314 00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:26,683 We are both so sorry we missed your game. 315 00:13:26,740 --> 00:13:29,846 The universe punished me. I did something awful to a bunch of baby crows. 316 00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:31,912 Actually, it's not a bunch of crows. It's called a murder. 317 00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:34,720 - I know what I did! - How was your game? 318 00:13:34,781 --> 00:13:36,192 Fine. Nothing special. 319 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,024 What do you mean, "Fine, nothing special"? 320 00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:42,055 Well, there was this girl on the 16-year-old team who wasn't wearing a bra. 321 00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:43,658 - So that was cool. - Huh. 322 00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:46,795 Josh's mom texted me. She said you were having a great game. 323 00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,771 She drinks. 324 00:13:49,763 --> 00:13:51,401 I-i'll be right back. 325 00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:53,842 - Hey, Phil. - Hey, Pam. 326 00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:56,881 Oh. Sorry. 327 00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:59,918 it's my parents again. I'm getting married soon... 328 00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:02,180 and they're already acting like they have empty nest syndrome. 329 00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:07,958 I appreciate you not saying anything to your dad about me being there... 330 00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:10,051 but why aren't you telling him what a great game you played? 331 00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:11,891 I can tell he feels bad enough for missing it. 332 00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,488 I don't want to make him feel worse. 333 00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:16,727 Oh, I screwed up. 334 00:14:16,790 --> 00:14:18,326 Why? What's wrong? 335 00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:20,428 I talked Phil into skipping Luke's game, and then I went. 336 00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:22,166 And of course he played the game of his life. 337 00:14:22,229 --> 00:14:24,266 But Luke doesn't want to tell Phil about the game now... 338 00:14:24,331 --> 00:14:25,935 because he doesn't want to hurt his feelings. 339 00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,502 Oh, well, I think it's sweet that Luke's protecting Phil. 340 00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:33,210 You know, we all have to protect my sister in my family because she's such a disaster. 341 00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:35,253 - Mmm. - I mean, you can see it, right? 342 00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:38,016 Did think it was a little weird she brought pig to a party. 343 00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:40,319 Hey! I can say it. 344 00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:43,652 Hey, hon. 345 00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:45,697 I'm sorry about what I did before. 346 00:14:45,752 --> 00:14:48,494 I saw this, and I thought it would look beautiful on you. 347 00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,091 Ay. 348 00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:54,502 You know I can't stay mad at you when you buy me... glasses? 349 00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:57,542 - You son of a bitch! - Just try 'em on. You'll still look gorgeous. 350 00:14:57,597 --> 00:15:00,077 I will try them on when you buy hearing aids! 351 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,840 There's nothing wrong with my hearing. 352 00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:05,645 Um, I have a, uh, hearing test app on my phone. 353 00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:06,979 Let's do it! 354 00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:10,484 - You do it! - Okay. 355 00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:14,889 Everybody under the age of 60 should be able to hear this. 356 00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:16,621 Yeah, definitely. 357 00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,720 What? You're lying. You didn't hear anything. 358 00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:20,822 We did. You see, you're deaf. 359 00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:23,163 Okay, 70. 360 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:26,737 Did she put you up to this? 361 00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:29,637 Here, Grandpa, I'll play you something even louder. 362 00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:32,540 - Okay. I heard that one. - I didn't press anything. 363 00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,738 Oh, look who's a cheater. 364 00:15:34,801 --> 00:15:36,803 Don't worry about it, big guy. I have trouble smelling lemons. 365 00:15:36,870 --> 00:15:38,474 You know, I don't need any of this. 366 00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:40,745 But I'll tell you what I can hear loud and clear. 367 00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:43,185 The sound of you all munching free food. 368 00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:46,486 Oh, come on, Dad. Aren't you being a little oversensitive? 369 00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:48,355 Oh, well, we can consult my sister Pam. 370 00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:50,395 - She's the self-appointed sensitivity expert. - Uh-oh. 371 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,657 - Oh, let it go. - I will not let it go. 372 00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:56,565 In fact, I would like everyone to be honest with me, please, right now. No sugarcoating. 373 00:15:56,623 --> 00:16:00,799 My sister here seems to think you all have to walk on eggshells around me. 374 00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:03,204 - Eggshells. - Do you all think I'm so fragile... 375 00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:06,574 you can't tell me things for fear of how I will react? 376 00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:09,113 - Well- - Claire, don't. Zip. Bup, bup, bup. 377 00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:12,673 No. Let her talk, please. Claire, you have the floor. 378 00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:15,549 W-Well, you're not not fragile. 379 00:16:16,843 --> 00:16:18,652 Okay. Well, why don't you give me an example... 380 00:16:18,712 --> 00:16:22,125 of something you haven't told me because you were worried I couldn't handle it? 381 00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:23,718 Go on. 382 00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:25,763 All right. 383 00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:28,197 Last week when we were supposed to have lunch and you canceled- 384 00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:30,325 Mm-hmm. 385 00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:31,892 Beyoncé was at the restaurant. 386 00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:35,563 Okay. Uh, the singer or Pepper's dog? 387 00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:37,073 The singer. 388 00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:42,239 And when I was leaving, I-I stopped and I said hello to her... 389 00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:44,145 and we chatted for, like, 10 minutes. 390 00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:48,044 Okay, that's great. I'm glad you had that experience. 391 00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:50,520 I mean, I don't know what you talked to her about... 392 00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:52,454 seeing that you don't know any of her songs... 393 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,753 other than "Single Ladies," which everyone knows. 394 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,021 - Love that song. - I'm surprised you can hear it. 395 00:16:57,083 --> 00:16:59,757 Well, this was fun. Who's hungry? Hey, where's that boar? 396 00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:02,425 - Okay, anyone else? - Well, since we're coming clean... 397 00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:04,491 you overuse the word "divine." 398 00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:06,468 it's just an ice cream sandwich. 399 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,062 You're the boy who cried "divine." 400 00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:10,039 Okay. Was not aware of that. Duly noted. 401 00:17:10,096 --> 00:17:13,771 Hey, I got one! Remember that blue rotary phone you gave me for Christmas? 402 00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:15,244 - Yes. - I tossed it. 403 00:17:15,301 --> 00:17:17,645 Okay. May I ask the reason? 404 00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:20,150 It made me feel like Ann-Margret in Bye Bye Birdie. 405 00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:21,685 Why? 406 00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:23,084 Okay, anyone else? 407 00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:25,783 I don't really like the shirts with the crazy cuffs. 408 00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:28,018 I'm sorry. Can you push your boobs down, because I couldn't hear you. 409 00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:30,425 - Here we go. - No, no. Here we don't go. 410 00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:33,293 This is fine. I'm fine, okay? 411 00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:35,789 Sometimes when you read to me... 412 00:17:35,855 --> 00:17:38,131 I pretend to fall asleep so you'll go. 413 00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:43,230 - Heard that one. - Well, I heard you all loud and clear. 414 00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:46,368 - I have to use the restroom. - So, Cam, you're sensitive. Big deal. 415 00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:48,140 - It's one of your best qualities. - Thank you, Phil... 416 00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:51,307 and I'm sorry your Beyoncé-loving wife went to Luke's game without you. 417 00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:55,012 See? 418 00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:56,782 Farm strong. 419 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,488 You went to Luke's game? 420 00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:05,291 I did, Phil, and I am so sorry. I did not mean to. 421 00:18:05,351 --> 00:18:09,163 But then he started playing the most amazing game, and I got so wrapped up in it. 422 00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:11,964 - I know I should have called. - Yeah, you should've called. You were amazing? 423 00:18:12,025 --> 00:18:13,936 Oh, he was incredible. I wish you'd been there. 424 00:18:13,993 --> 00:18:16,473 Then why'd you make me skip it? I knew you had it in you! 425 00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:17,906 Oh, Coach said he's gonna start next week. 426 00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:20,911 You're starting? I'm so mad at you! I'm so proud of you! 427 00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:27,373 Hey. How are you doing in here? 428 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,785 Fine. I'm a little embarrassed about my outburst, but otherwise- 429 00:18:30,844 --> 00:18:33,916 Oh. You had a lot to take in. 430 00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,857 As a lawyer, I should've told you... 431 00:18:35,915 --> 00:18:37,895 never ask questions you don't want the answer to. 432 00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:39,658 Am I really that much of a mess? 433 00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,596 Are you not listening to me? 434 00:18:42,856 --> 00:18:44,494 Hey. Room in here for me? 435 00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:45,900 Not really. 436 00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:48,838 Look, I'm real sorry I said what I said. 437 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:51,774 No, no, you're right. I am the Cam of the family. 438 00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:53,868 Apparently, I'm the Cam of two families, so- 439 00:18:53,933 --> 00:18:57,176 So what if you go a little cuckoo when you get bad news? 440 00:18:57,237 --> 00:18:59,877 You also go all cuckoo when you hear good news. 441 00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:01,714 It's one of the things I love most about you. 442 00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:05,221 No, that's- that's true. You're the first person I call when I have good news. 443 00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:07,918 I mean, remember when I got my adult braces removed? 444 00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:09,756 Your teeth looked divi- divine. 445 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,023 See? I can't help it. I'm a celebrator. 446 00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:13,587 Of course you are. 447 00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:17,032 I should have celebrated how lucky Bo is to land a great gal like you. 448 00:19:17,090 --> 00:19:18,899 Aww. 449 00:19:18,958 --> 00:19:21,199 Look at me. I'm crying like a Cam. 450 00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:23,938 Sorry, old habits. 451 00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:29,981 Are you mad because I embarrassed you? 452 00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:33,279 Forget about it. And I'm gonna ease up on the glasses too. 453 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:35,717 It's just that I worry, you know- 454 00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:37,220 your not seeing everything. 455 00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:39,018 I'm getting old, Jay. 456 00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:43,720 When Manny was little, I used to run around with him all day without getting tired. 457 00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:48,789 Today at Joe's baby class, a six-year-old had to pull me out of the ball pit. 458 00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:50,493 Hold on. Manny used to run around? 459 00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:54,528 All the mothers are so young and perky. 460 00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:56,596 I hate being the oldest one there. 461 00:19:56,663 --> 00:19:58,233 Well, I, for one, love that you're getting older. 462 00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:00,369 It makes me feel closer to you. 463 00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:03,971 So you'll like it if I get all wrinkly and saggy? 464 00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:07,246 - Well, I wouldn't make it a goal. - Okay, I'll wear them. 465 00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,684 What? 466 00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:14,187 Nothing. 467 00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:15,920 You have lines there. 468 00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:18,121 I can see them very clearly now with these- 469 00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:20,425 Okay, okay. These are just for reading. 470 00:20:20,486 --> 00:20:23,228 I won't be able to hear her. She won't be able to see me. 471 00:20:23,289 --> 00:20:25,394 We'll be together forever. 472 00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:34,938 Congratulations. You officially beat me in Words With Friends. 473 00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:36,275 Better luck next time, kid. 474 00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:38,816 Okay, I have to ask- Did you cheat? 475 00:20:38,871 --> 00:20:42,375 - Is that how you won? - I never took you for a sore loser. 476 00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:45,286 - That's not an answer. - Listen, one day you might be... 477 00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:48,121 the smartest person in this family, but today is not that day. 478 00:20:48,181 --> 00:20:50,855 So tread lightly before you assiduously malign... 479 00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:53,193 the veracity of my etymological prowess. 480 00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:56,667 Jay Pritchett out. 481 00:21:00,226 --> 00:21:03,036 - You broke your phone, smarty-pants. - Damn it! 38470

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