All language subtitles for Modern Family S04E20 Flip Flop (1080p x265 10bit Joy)

And as we make our way
out of the gourmet kitchen,

we find ourself back
in the warm embrace of the parlor.

Easy, duchess. It's one
room, not Gosford Park.

Where'd you get
all this sweet furniture?

Oh, we rented it to make the house
feel more comfortable and inviting.

Don't sit there! Oh, my gosh.

It took me 20 minutes to get
these chops just right.

Does that look straight? Nothin'
about that looks straight.

- [ Claire ] Mmm.
- I love the house. It's beautiful.

Here is a tree.
It's a Pachira,

a Taiwanese symbol
of good financial fortune.

It's also known as a money tree.
That makes two of us.

Well, I would like to propose a toast.
[ Chuckles ]

Mmm. Missed me.

To the hard work
of Claire and Cameron-

or as I like to call
them, "Clameron." Oh!

Which is what potential home buyers
will be doing when they see this place.

Clamorin'.

Clamoring t-to buy it f-
Phil, don't go back for it.

Because this house
is going to sell.

Who's the best Realtor in town?

Gil Thorpe. That's right, and he
has buyers coming over tomorrow.

- That's right.
- Wow! All right.

To Claire and Cam.

My sister. My partner.

My sister! My partner!
My sister! My partner!

Chinatown. Hilarious.
Still empty.

You know you're my ride.

To Clameron! [
Mitchell ] Hear, hear!

- Speech!
- Oh! Well, gosh.

- I wasn't prepared for this.
- I think we should just really thank the people-

Here's to the best construction
crew in the business. Okay.

Hank. Luis. Paco!

- Wish you could be here right now, buddy.
- What, did he die?

No, he's on the roof fixing a shingle that
he should've gotten right the first time.

- I guess the most important people-Yes.
- And then to my partner.

- My lifelong companion.
- Aw.

- My "lovah."
- [ Claire ] Oh.

- Okay, Cam.
- Who had his doubts about this project...

the whole time...

and never,
even in my darkest moment,

said, "I told you so."
Oh.

- Which is good, because he would've been wrong.
- Very gracious. Okay.

And I'm sure that the house
is gonna sell in no time.

Great.
Hear! Hear!

Hey, I've got a friend
who wants to buy a house.

Maybe I can show it to him
after school.

Then if he buys it, I'd get the commission.
What would that be?

- Adorable.
- I'm serious.

I'm not adorable.
I'm getting a mustache.

- [ All ] Aw!
- [ Gloria ] Ay, qué lindo.

I know my ABC's.

I guess things weren't
about you for a second.

- Okay. Wrapping this up.
- To the fastest sale in real estate history.

[ Cheering ]

Seriously, it's bad luck to toast
with an empty glass. [ Clinks ]

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey♪ ♪

Dunphy, I'm not gonna
lie to you.

You guys did a nice job on the house.
My buyer wants in.

Fantastic! That is great news!

You know,
when we first got into this-

Uh-Small talk's over. Here's
what we're prepared to offer.

You're joking, right?

I don't joke about real estate.

I joke about golf and Mexicans.

It's okay though.
I'm married to one.

W-We're not gonna take this.

It's first day on the market.
We'd barely break even.

Take it.
No.

The market's crashing!
Nuh-uh.

- You're in over your head.
- Maybe you're in over your head.

Dunphy, listen to me.

If you pass up on this,
you're gonna regret it.

I don't know the meaning
of the word "regret."

[ Singsong ] Here we go.
French toast, double bacon.

- Egg whites, dry toast.
- Damn it.

[ Laughs ]
Let me tell you something, Gil.

You may be top dog,

but you're the one
who's gonna have regrets...

- 'cause this house is gonna sell like... that.
- [ Snaps Fingers ]

[ Sighs ]
Oh. Well-

That's it for today.

We're going to die
in this house.

Oh, the pillows
have lost their fluff.

The pillows
are not the problem!

It's okay, Manny.
I'll see you in a minute.

Yes, I'll be polite
and I'll be nice. I promise.

- I'm going to kill him.
- What'd Javier do this time?

His one big weekend alone with his son,

and I just found out
that he brought his latest bimbo along.

He always does this.

You remember that time that he took Manny
and that stripper fishing?

Yeah. They barely got a nipple.

- Come on. That was good. I just thought of that.
- Are you done?

I bet she was comfortable with the pole.

Ah. Should've quit after "nipple."

How does Leno do it
night after night?

I was just wondering that
about myself.

Phil, please, tell us
that you have some good news.

Well, it's complicated
because I don't have good news,

but I really want you guys to like me.

What? Gil Thorpe called
back with another offer,

but it was 10,000 lower
than the last one.

[ Sighs ] Lower?

Oh, that is perfect.
That's just perfect.

Something you wanna say,
Mitchell?

Yes. "I told you so.
I warned you this would happen.

I tried to stop it,
but you wouldn't let me.

I was right,
and you were wrong.

You live in this ridiculous
candy-colored fantasy land.

I am so much smarter than you, and it is
killing me not to rub your nose in it!"

No. I'm just thinking.

Okay, guys,
we have to do something.

We can't carry this house
for much longer.

- Cam, what did you spend on staging?
- Uh, let's see. I don't know.

How can you not know?

Because I was hungry,
and everything was so pretty.

[ Claire Groans ]
And I didn't think it would matter...

because who could've guessed
we wouldn't have sold the house by now?

Me.

Phil, do you think
you can get Gil Thorpe...

up to his original offer?
How?

I don't know. You could, uh,
flatter him, stroke his ego.

No, he'd never fall for that.
He's too smart.

- Oh. But, honey, if anybody can pull it off, you can.
- Mm-hmm.

You're so good at everything.
Mmm. That is true.

I'll do it.

[ Door Opens ]

We're back!

I cannot believe
that again you brought a girl.

What is it this time?
A cocktail waitress?

A boat show model? A stripper?
[ Door Closes ]

No, then I could make real money.
I'm just a Ph.D.

Mom, this is Trish.

Gloria, hi.
Hey.

Jay.
How do you do?

I have heard so much about you.

She works at the Museum of Art.

It was so cool.
We got an after-hours tour,

and Trish said I could take flash
pictures of the paintings.

- But don't worry. I didn't.
- That's a relief.

I was afraid I was gonna
have to look at 'em.

So you work at the museum? Oh, no.
I'm just on the board.

I run the art and antiquities
department at Christie's.

Oh. Let me see. What is the
word I am looking for?

Oh, yes-Bam!

So how did you two meet?

I won a car in a poker game,
but it caught on fire,

so the guy gave me a painting.

I took it to the auction house, y
"tiqui-tiqui," I made a big profit.

But I still came home
with a masterpiece.

He means her.

May I tell you,
you have a wonderful boy?

So well-mannered and chivalrous.

It's like he leapt off the canvas
of a 16th-century portrait...

by Gainsborough or Van Dyke.

Listen to that brain. Hmm?
Can they stay for dinner?

Well, that's up to them, papi.

How can I turn down
a free meal?

- First time's the hardest.
- What do you say, my love?

Well, I'm not sure I'm ready to
say good-bye to this guy yet.

But I'll only stay
if you let me contribute.

I did bring along a fabulous bottle
of '82 Bordeaux...

that we didn't get to
this weekend.

For that, you can take Manny home.

- See what I have to put up with?
- [ Laughs ]

Gil! Phil Dunphy.
[ Gil Cackles ]

I knew you'd come slinking back!
Hey, guys!

It's Dunphy. He's cavin'. What did I tell you?
What did I tell you, right?

[ Laughing ] Oh, Dunphy, I
can play you like a ukulele,

'cause you're small and dainty.

Gil, I wanna talk to you
about your offer.

Oh! I et me stop you
right there.

This is how
this is gonna go down.

First of all, I'm gonna take you
out to a very nice dinner.

I'm gonna talk
really sweet to you.

And then I'm gonna
lay you down by the fire-

Oh.
Slow at first, then-

If you guys are talking about the house,
my friend Zack's still looking.

Honey, 14-year-olds
can't afford to buy houses.

He's not 14. He's a software guy
who volunteers at my school.

We 're gonna be sweating.
He's an adult with money?

He drives a nicer car than you.
Get me his number right now!

And then you're gonna go home and tell
everybody you went to the movies,

but you and I both know
that you got Thorpedoed.

Guess what, Gil. This was a courtesy call
to tell you that I have another buyer.

So you can tell your buyer
that you cost them a great house...

because you got cocky
and overplayed your hand.

Prepare to Phil
the agony of Dunfeat.

[ Beeps ] Both names!

Now, I'm not
an art expert like you,

but I did acquire
this piece in a gallery...

in one of the finer
Vegas casinos.

What do you think?

It does say something. He used to,
before his little voice box broke.

It said, "Welcome home, master.
Ruff day?"

[ Laughs ] [ Inhales
Sharply ] Again?

Would you believe she made me
keep this in the attic?

- Gloria, Trish says this is art.
- What was it Thoreau said?

"It's not what you look at that matters.
It's what you see."

Hear that?
You were wrong.

Keep talking like that, and you will
find out how he lost his voice box.

What have we here?
His name's Barkley.

[ Laughs ] That's delightful.

It's not delightful.
It's disgusting.

Uh, look at Warhol.
Look at Koons.

A lot of great works
of contemporary art...

were initially dismissed as garbage.

- Excellent point, Trish.
- This is not even garbage.

They wouldn't take it.
It's too big for the can.

Now, what I see is
a man who is not a man.

He is a servant
who has lost his dignity.

It is a commentary
on the class system in society,

as well as a handy place
to put your keys and sunglasses.

Whatever he is, your Barkley
is going back to the attic.

- I'm going to see the baby.
- Oh! Barkley.

- Very clever.
- Come on, guys. Let's play.

What are you going to play?

Charades. Me and Trish
against Dad and Jay.

I have to warn you, Jay,
these two are very good.

It's like they have
their own language.

I want to play too!
Which team should I join?

Play with Manny.
Oh, Jay's.

[ Javier ] Manny's team.

Okay, then. Great.

- Well, we'll see you tonight.
- [ Cell Phone Beeps ]

Zack Barbie is indeed an adult, he likes
the neighborhood, and he's interested.

- Oh, thank God.
- Really?

Did God come in here and tell you about him?
Because I don't remember it that way.

Okay, okay. This is it, people.

We cannot afford to lose this buyer.
Why am I standing?

Phil, do you think
this is the right house for him?

It's hard to tell. He's young. He's single.
I don't know anything else about him.

[ Typing ]
Zack Barbie. Born 1986.

Went to college
at a place called Mit.

M.I.T.
I know how to spell it.

Five words. It's a book.

[ Gloria ]
There's an old man...

on the boat.

He caught a big fish.
The Old Man and the Fish!

- Time!
- The Old Man and the Sea!

- Never heard about it.
- Hemingway's classic tale of man versus nature.

Leave it to a guy with a hundred cats
to write a good fish story, right?

Oh, Trish!
[ Laughs ]

What is this, a book club
or a fun game? Go.

Oh.

Play. Five words.

Second word. Scared. Afraid.
Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf?

- Got it! You're amazing!
- Wowee! You could do this for a living.

Really? There's such a thing?

No, just like there's no such thing as
a professional Broadway enthusiast.

- You're gonna have to get a real job.
- Okay, it's my turn.

[ Chuckles ] I don't know this.

- I don't know this.
- Mom, you have to do the one you pick.

Oh, no, Manny. It's fine. Just keep
picking until you get one you like.

No, I don't have to keep picking.
I'm gonna do this one.

- [ Gasps ]
- Uh-oh.

- No, I got this.
- Is it a play, a book or a movie?

Yeah, one of those.

Lost!
Clueless!

- Dazed and Confused!
- This is stupid. Nobody can get this.

You're probably right. I-

Yeah. See? This is one of mine.
It's really hard.

- Really? What is it? You do it.
- Well-

Play.

Sweeney Todd!
Exactly.

What a team.
[ Laughing ]

This is a stupid-
[ Voice Quivering ] game!

Okay, so after a quick scan
of his Facebook, Twitter,

Tumblr, Pinterest and Instagram,
here is what I know.

Privacy is dead?
[ Sighs ]

Likes: Chicago Blackhawks, kickboxing,
the movie Die Hard and beer.

He sounds like a frat boy.
Oh, he's many things.

He meditates.
He loves Indian food.

And he's crazy
about his dog, Otis.

Does the house have a doggie door?
[ Cameron, Claire ] No.

Put one in. You get to Barbie
through Otis.

She's like the girl with the dragon tattoo.
With cuter hair.

Stop talking!
Oh, she really is.

Dude has a thing for chicks in black
tights, he likes old-school funk,

and he chipped his front tooth
playing soccer.

Aw! That's actually kind of cute.

Oh, my God.
You're falling in love with him.

Oh, please.
It's just a job, nothing more.

Okay. That's enough to go on.
Let's move.

We've got two hours to turn that place
into Zack Barbie's dream house.

Barbie's dream house.
We don't have time!

[ Claire ]
Let's go. Let's go.

What the hell
was all that about?

Why don't you ask Trish?
She knows everything.

Well, at least
she's not a bimbo.

She and Manny seem to hit it off fine.
What's the problem?

Just one weekend,
and he already idolizes her.

And why wouldn't he?
She's so much smarter than me.

She knows so much more about
the things that he loves.

They have
their little inside jokes.

If she learns how to froth his
cappuccino, I am history.

You and Manny have the closest
relationship I've ever seen.

Hell, he may never form a healthy
attachment with another woman after you.

You're just saying that.

And it doesn't matter
if Manny likes her.

Knowing Javier's track record, he'll
dump her like he dumps everybody.

You are wrong, Jay.
I'm not going to dump her.

In fact, this weekend,
I asked Trish to marry me.

[ Laughing ]

You're going to marry her?

I was waiting
for the right time to tell you.

- Nailed it.
- I wanted to ask you for my abuela's ring back.

I really want Trish to wear it. She is
the most amazing woman I've ever known.

You see that I am
holding a knife.

Please. Half our marriage
was you with a knife.

Trish is the one.
And Manny already loves her.

He can spend more time with us
now-holidays, summers even.

Fine. I'll go
get you the ring.

But you owe me eight dollars because
I had to replace "the emerald."

[ Clinks ] [ Plate Clattering ]

Wow. Javier, you've brought a lot of 30-year-olds
around here, but this one's my favorite.

And I like Trish too.
Me too.

Then I suppose this is as good a
moment as any to tell you, Manny.

Trish and I
are getting married.

Oh, my gosh.
This is the best news ever!

- Oh!
- Here. Drink.

Now listen, my love.

This belonged to my abuela.

Um, maybe not now, Javier.
No, no. Please. Please.

It will fill my heart to see
this ring on your-your finger.

Oh. It's-It's a little small.

I can't do this. No, no. I'll
just push a little harder.

Javier, stop.
It'll never work.

But wait, my love. We can
put butter on your finger.

[ Doorbell Rings ]
That's him. Hit it.

♪ ♪ [ Stereo: "Super Freak"]

Hey! Not him.

- Hey, guys. Sorry it took me so long.
- ♪♪ [ Stops ]

I've never bought beer before.
There's just so many choices.

- Do we really need that much?
- I don't know. Is this a lot?

[ Doorbell Rings ]

Showtime!

♪ ♪ [ Resumes ]

Hey! Not him.

Hey! Thought I'd just swing by and
see how it's going. ♪♪ [ Stops ]

Zack here? [ Claire
] Oh, my God.

You are wearing black tights.
Alex was right. You are into him.

That skank Zoey broke his heart. I
can make him whole again! Haley!

[ Doorbell Rings ]
Okay, that has to be him.

Everyone we know
is already here.

Everyone, places. Let's
make this perfect. Yes.

[ Stereo Beeps ] I'm Ira Glass.
Today on the program-

No. Turn that off!

No, no, no! [ Phil
] Turn it off!

[ Shrieks ]
It's the back button.

...David Sedaris-

Hey! You must be Zack.
I'm Phil Dunphy. Come on in.

Hi.
Yeah.

- These are my associates.
- Hello! Good evening.

Hi!

Oh, and my, uh-my daughter.

So... this is the place.
Looks nice.

- So, Zack, you hungry?
- Uh, no. But, uh, it smells great.

Yeah, it's from this amazing
Indian place just down the road.

It's walking distance.

Which is awesome if you've had
one too many brewskis, am I right?

Yeah.
[ Phil Clears Throat ]

Oh, is someone a Blackhawks fan?
Love the Hawks.

[ Chuckles ] Yeah, well,
that's a weird coincidence.

- Let's go check out the kickboxing gym.
- Seriously? I kickbox.

[ High-pitched Voice ] What?
Yeah.

Come on!
[ Mouths Word ]

[ Whispers ] Haley!

Trish, open up!

[ Trish ] No. I don't want
to see you right now.

Open up, or I'm going
to break down the door!

Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Don't break down the door!

¡Ay, caramba! I'm beginning to think
I should've just bought a ring.

Let me talk to her.
You?

Yes. She's scared.
Maybe I can help.

Help her go... adiós.

Go ahead. And you tell her
she's being crazy and irrational.

And if she doesn't come out,
I'm going to burn down this house!

Don't burn down the house!

Trish, open. It's Gloria.

I'm sorry.
I needed to be alone.

In Manny's bedroom?
[ Door Closes ]

Well, I thought
it was a bathroom.

It smells like potpourri.

Listen, I would be
the first person to understand...

that you're having second thoughts
about marrying Javier.

I am, but I do love him.

Of course you do, even though
he's irresponsible and impulsive,

and if your sisters are even a
little bit pretty, he's gonna try-

No, no, no, no, no.
It's not that.

Is it the drinking?

Is it the gambling?

Is it because
of your fat fingers?

- No, it's you.
- Me?

How can I compete with you?

All Manny talks about is how he's
got the world's greatest mom.

And I know Javier
regrets losing you.

- No, he doesn't.
- Oh, believe me, he does.

And who could blame him?
I mean, look at you!

Who has a body like that?

And you just had a baby
two months ago?

I mean,
do you just live at the gym?

Who has time for the gym?

Oh!

You know what I had for lunch?

I had a half a granola bar,
and I can't button my pants!

I can't cook!

And at best,
I am average in bed!

And I will never,
ever, ever live up...

to the great Gloria!

Welcome to the family!

And did I mention that
from the back of the garden,

you can almost see a piece of the
building that they shot Die Hard in?

Wow!
[ Laughs ]

I like to sit
back there sometimes.

It's a great place to gather
my thoughts and just-

I don't know. Be in the now.
I meditate every day.

Yippee-ki-yay! What are the odds?
Yeah.

You know, this is probably not
gonna help my negotiating power,

but I kinda can't believe
how perfect this house is.

And how much is little Otis
gonna enjoy this doggie door?

How do you... know
my dog's name?

- I don't.
- Yeah, you do. You just said "Otis."

No. No, no. He said,

"Oh, dis doggie door would
be perfect for your dog."

Should you own one.

- That's not even close to what he just said.
- That's what I heard.

We can do a very fast escrow and get you
in this house by the end of the month.

Oh! Just in time
for your birthday!

This is weird!
It's totally weird.

Okay, the Blackhawks,
you know my birthday,

and you know my dog's name.

- You guys are freaking me out.
- Okay, wait a second.

We poured our hearts
into this house,

and we just wanted to show you what it
would be like if you were living here.

Did we go a tiny bit overboard?

- [ Remote Beeps ]
- ♪♪ [ Stereo: "Super Freak"]

- Oh, my God!
- ♪♪ [ Stops ]

- Favorite song. Way to go.
- [ Chuckles ] You take care.

Can you even see
the Die Hard building from here?

No.
Mm-mmm.

- Okay.
- I'll be at Coachella too! I'll come find you!

Honey! Haley!
Haley!

[ Door Slams ]

Well, that's it.

We're officially screwed.
Darn it.

- It's okay, honey.
- No, it's not okay. I feel responsible.

I dragged us all into this.

The whole point was so that I could
make a little extra money...

and contribute to the family,

and instead,
I'm gonna end up costing us.

I'm a failure.
Hey. Hey.

No one could've predicted this.
[ Glass Shatters ]

My bad.

We'll find another buyer. This time,
we'll learn from our mistakes.

- I got it.
- [ Doorbell Rings ]

- He's back!
- No. No, no, no! Stop! Stop. Stop.

This is a great house.
It was built with integrity.

We should sell it that way, okay?
No more tricks.

Yeah.
Let's just be honest.

[ Claire ] No tricks.

Hey, Dunphy.
Gil.

Your office said you'd be over here.
Yeah, I am here.

With my buyers.
[ Clears Throat ]

- What do you guys think?
- Oh, my God! This house is perfect.

I especially love
the warm embrace of the parlor.

It screams you.
No, it screams you, sweetie.

Oh, dis doggie door, Cam. Look.
[ High-pitched Voice ] Oh!

Damn it. Gays.

They come to play.

I'm busy, Gil. Don't accept any
offers without talking to me first.

My buyer wants in, all right?

I don't know. We're pretty
far down that road.

All right.
We'll up the offer.

Gil, let me tell you how
this is gonna go down.

First, you're gonna
buy me a lovely dinner.

No, that's not it. First, I'm
gonna buy you a lovely dinner.

Then I'm gonna take you
in the back-

[ High-pitched Voice ] It's gonna happen!
It's gonna happen!

We're gonna sell the house.
[ Gasping ]

You see, Mitchell?
I told you so.

[ Claire ] Yeah!

[ Cell Phone Rings ] Oh.

That's my wife.
I better take it.

Hey, hey. Whoa, listen.
Whatever you do,

don't tell her you're
playing golf on a weekday.

You'll be doing dishes
all night.

Good call. Thank you, my man.

Hey, honey. What's up?

Oh, not much.

Just, uh, in a meeting.

You know, working hard,
bringing home the bacon.

No, he's not!
He's playing golf!

No. [ Chuckles ]
Fore!

Nice putt!

Why you lying to your wife,
Dunphy? Huh?

Hey, he had a beer
at lunch too!

What is wrong with you?

You just got Thorpedoed!
Come back here.